1. Excuse me, Mr. Sheffield,
I wanted to tell you that Tuesday
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2. I have to take my mother
to the Bunion Center.
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3. Thank heavens you told me.
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4. "Meeting with Liza Minnelli,
conference with Donald Trump...
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5. Miss Fine and mother at Bunion Center."
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6. Mr. Sheffield, it's serious.
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7. The woman has a thumb growing off
the side of her foot.
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8. She can't even fit into her socks anymore.
She has to wear a mitten.
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9. God, I have to move out of my apartment
to get my floors redone
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10. and I cannot find a kennel.
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11. Treat yourself to a hotel.
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12. Not me. My dog.
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13. Chester? You're gonna put Chester
in a cage somewhere?
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14. I think that's terrible to take a dog out
of his warm and loving environment.
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15. Well, anyway, you still shouldn't do it.
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16. My Uncle Manny put his dog into a kennel
and he was never the same again.
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17. Would you like to know what happened?
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18. Not really.
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19. He put his German shepherd, King,
in a cage with male poodles.
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20. P.S., all hopes of breeding him were over.
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21. For heaven's sake. He's a small dog.
He fits in a wet-bar fridge.
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22. Never mind how I know that.
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23. - Hello?
- Miss Babcock,
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24. why don't you just leave Chester here
with us for a couple of days?
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25. That is a wonderful idea.
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26. You know how much he loves me
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27. and he really wouldn't be
any bother at all.
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28. - You don't mind, do you, Maxwell?
- No, no, of course not.
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29. Terrific. I'll just run home and get him.
He really won't be any trouble.
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30. He even knows how to do tricks.
He can lie down, roll over, and beg.
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31. Gee, I wonder where he learned that.
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32. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
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33. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
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34. What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
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35. So over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door
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36. She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
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37. She had style, she had flair
She was there
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38. That's how she became the Nanny
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39. Who would have guessed
That the girl we described
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40. Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
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41. - Now the father finds her beguiling
- Watch out, C.C.
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42. - And the kids are actually smiling
- Such joie de vivre!
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43. She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
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44. The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
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45. - Fran.
- Hi, honey.
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46. Fran, you remember that gorgeous guy
I told you about?
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47. Sweetie, that's like asking me
if I remember
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48. when they cut up my credit card.
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49. Jeremy Thatcher: math, third period,
hair like Brad Pitt.
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50. - Up to speed.
- Well, I—
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51. Hello, sweetheart.
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52. Hi, Dad.
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53. Sweetheart, there's nothing
you can't share with your father.
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54. It's a female thing.
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55. Carry on.
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56. Boy, if ever they run out
of starter flags at the Indy 500
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57. all they gotta do is yell, "It's a female
thing," and watch those men take off.
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58. Anyways, I think he's gonna ask me out
because he asked for my phone number.
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59. I'm gonna stay home in case he calls.
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60. No, honey, you don't want
to appear too anxious.
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61. I mean, it's better to play hard to get.
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62. That could be him. Go, go, go.
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63. Maxwell.
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64. Chester. Sweetie.
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65. Be careful.
He's been in a foul mood all day.
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66. You know, if he had a little more hair on
his back, he could be my ex-boyfriend.
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67. All right. Enough already. Come to Mama.
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68. Maxwell, thank God you're here.
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69. I was having lunch at Fontina
with a William Morris agent.
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70. And well, to make a long story short—
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71. Take note of how she does this, Miss Fine.
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72. I just nailed down the rights
to our first feature film!
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73. C.C., what would we want with film rights?
We're theater producers.
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74. Maxwell, the theater's dying.
It's time we branched out.
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75. I'm with Miss Babcock on that one.
When you're paying 65 bucks
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76. to see Brooke Shields singing in pedal
pushers, you know the end is near.
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77. All right. So, what film
have we bought the rights to?
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78. Lamb Chop, the Movie!
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79. That is so exciting.
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80. You know, when I was a little girl,
we couldn't afford a Lamb Chop doll.
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81. So Grandma Yetta would put on
a white curly wig
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82. and then she'd take her teeth out
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83. and Grandpa would stick
his hand up her blouse.
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84. Gee, come to think of it,
I think there was a good time had by all.
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85. So let me get this straight, C.C.,
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86. I have worked with Gielgud,
Burton, Olivier.
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87. And now I'm producing a film
starring a sock.
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88. Maxwell, last year that sock topped
a hundred million in merchandising.
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89. Children, guess what. You're going
to meet Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop.
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90. Lamb Chop. I just love her.
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91. You know, if Lamb Chop
had married Howdy Doody,
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92. her name would be Lamb Doody.
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93. I really killed them with that
in kindergarten.
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94. Answer phones on what telethon, Ma?
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95. I said Shari Lewis is coming
to the house, not Jerry Lewis.
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96. - Miss Fine!
- Ma, I gotta go.
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97. Something just hit the fan.
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98. The category is "dog."
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99. Now for 20 points, can anyone tell me
what's on the bottom of my wing tip?
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100. I believe the young lady
with the big hair buzzed in first.
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101. Did Chester leave you a little gift?
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102. Miss Fine, I think he meant for it
to be a secret
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103. because he hid it under my desk!
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104. Well, if I could scrape it out of your
gym bag, you certainly—
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105. Is that—?
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106. Is that picture crooked over there?
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107. Miss Fine, would you please
keep that dog's bowels under control!
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108. Is this the biggest gross-out
in the world.
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109. And yet you spread it over your garden
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110. and you get a tomato
the size of your head.
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111. Here you go, Niles. I'll get the door.
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112. So this means Mr. Sheffield
is in his stockinged feet.
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113. And I have yet to clean up
Chester's other deposit in the...
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114. Niles!
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115. hall.
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116. Oh, my God, it's Shari Lewis.
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117. Hello.
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118. I saw your lips move.
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119. Hello, Miss Chop. I'm Fran Fine,
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120. and I must tell you that I have been a fan
of yours ever since I was a little girl.
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121. Ever since you were—
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122. That is impossible. I'm only six.
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123. Come on, I used to watch you
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124. - on my black-and-white TV—
- I'm only six.
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125. I get it. That's okay.
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126. My mother counts in lamb years too.
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127. Shari, welcome. Maxwell Sheffield.
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128. How do you do?
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129. Mr. Sheffield, don't snub the lamb.
She's the whole show.
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130. Of course. Maxwell Sheffield.
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131. Enchanté, I'm sure.
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132. Well, Shari, if you wouldn't mind,
my little girl is just dying to meet you.
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133. Cute tush.
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134. Lamb Chop.
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135. I'd follow him to school one day.
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136. Get the feeling Lamb Chop's fleece
is not as white as snow?
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137. - What grade are you in?
- My grade is USDA.
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138. Hello...
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139. is this thing turned on?
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140. - Miss Lewis.
- Thank you.
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141. Is that for me?
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142. I'll get you something, Lamb Chop.
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143. How about Woolite on the rocks?
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144. I work alone, Benson.
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145. Now he's upset the lamb.
You better go over and pet her.
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146. Miss Fine, I'm not petting a puppet.
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147. Why? She's a big star.
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148. I'll bet once in a while
they all need stroking.
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149. I didn't pet Gielgud or Olivier.
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150. Well, maybe if you did, you wouldn't
be making Lamb Chop, the Movie.
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151. That was nice. Don't stop.
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152. Hello, hello. Sorry I'm late.
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153. Hello, Miss Lewis. C.C. Babcock.
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154. Hello.
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155. What?
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156. What did I do?
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157. Miss Babcock, your coat!
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158. New Zealand lamb?
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159. - So?
- Maybe she had people there?
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160. Take it off!
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161. Three words she doesn't hear often.
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162. Yes.
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163. Niles, isn't that sweet.
You're bonding with the sheep.
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164. Not the first time, I'm sure.
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165. Bravo.
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166. You win.
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167. Every dog has her day.
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168. Maxwell, you have a beautiful house.
And I want to thank you for inviting us.
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169. We're delighted. Shari. Besides,
I always find hotels a little impersonal.
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170. Speak for yourself.
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171. At a hotel,
at least I could get a massage.
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172. And you could use a manicure.
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173. Anyway, Shari, I have—
I have some wonderful ideas for this film.
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174. And I've got a few ideas of my own.
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175. My room, later.
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176. Better wear a rubber glove.
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177. Why didn't you make outside?
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178. I didn't have to go that bad.
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179. Not you, Val.
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180. Niles, he didn't do his business.
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181. Well, that's not his territory.
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182. Perhaps if you moved
the Persian rug outside.
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183. I don't know what's wrong with him, Val.
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184. He had his whole meal.
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185. Ate two slippers, Brighton's homework
and the Theater Guild award
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186. Mr. Sheffield had that sick attachment to.
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187. Fran, I can't believe it.
It finally happened.
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188. Honey, you're a year younger than when I—
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189. Wait a minute. What finally happened?
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190. Jeremy finally asked me out.
We're going to a retro drive-in movie.
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191. A drive-in. Honey.
What kind of car does he drive?
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192. - A Miata.
- Four on the floor.
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193. - No back seat.
- Have fun.
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194. So where's Shari?
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195. She's on business. But Lamb Chop's here.
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196. I get to meet Lamb Chop.
I promise, I won't say anything stupid.
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197. Too late, Val.
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198. Isn't that adorable?
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199. Bordering on psychotic, but adorable.
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200. Don't wake her up.
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201. Val, Led Zeppelin couldn't wake her up.
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202. Look.
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203. - What?
- Look, her little dresses.
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204. How come she never wears them?
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205. Val, these are Shari's.
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206. I don't know what you're
so shocked about. She's very petite.
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207. - Chester!
- Chester!
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208. Chester, put Lamb Chop down!
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209. Come to Auntie Frannie.
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210. Val, don't make any sudden moves.
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211. Chester!
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212. Chester, there he is.
Come here. Come here. Chester.
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213. What did you do with—? Val.
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214. Chester ate Lamb Chop.
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215. Come on, Chester, purge, purge!
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216. Do you want me to stick your paw
down your throat?
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217. Niles, it's not funny.
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218. Oh, no, you're right. It's a tragedy.
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219. And you know what the worst part
of it all is?
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220. Just because I suggested
that Chester come stay with us
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221. and I brought him to Shari's room
and put him down
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222. so that I could rifle through
her personal stuff.
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223. Mr. Sheffield's gonna find some
crazy way of blaming this all on me.
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224. No, you know what the worst part is?
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225. - What?
- He forgot the mint jelly.
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226. Stop it. It's not funny.
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227. Do you think that when Shari finds out
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228. that Lamb Chop was eaten,
it's gonna blow the movie deal?
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229. - What?
- I was just asking Niles—
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230. Maxwell!
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231. Head her off, Miss Fine! You can do it!
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232. So, Miss Fine,
do you have anything to say?
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233. You missed a belt loop?
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234. Mr. Sheffield,
why aren't you saying anything?
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235. You're scaring me.
I like it better when you yell and scream.
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236. Please, let it out.
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237. That's right, Maxwell. Let it out.
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238. Let's not forget who's responsible
for all of this!
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239. - Your dog.
- That's right.
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240. So, Miss Fine, what—?
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241. What would you like me to say?
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242. I mean, my film career's over
before it began.
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243. Let's not be naysayers.
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244. He ate the bloody star!
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245. All right. Now you're back with me.
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246. And it is your fault! You were responsible
for that fur-covered colon!
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247. Well, I said it. I knew you'd find
a way to blame this on me.
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248. Yes, she did, sir.
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249. - But I've got a plan.
- Yes, she does, sir!
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250. And, as you know, my plans never fail.
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251. Eyelash.
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252. Hot glue.
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253. Puff.
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254. No. God, are you insane?
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255. Mr. Sheffield, trust me.
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256. I once accidentally destroyed
my father's toupee
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257. and I made an exact replica out
of the toilet-seat cover.
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258. - That looked real?
- Yeah. Plus he matched the towels.
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259. That's all right, Miss Lewis.
I'll get it for you. Incoming.
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260. Thank you very much, Niles.
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261. Didn't you see me?
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262. What's your point?
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263. Hi, Shari. We were just sitting
around here talking with Lamb Chop.
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264. You know, I gave her a makeover.
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265. Make her hair a little higher
to balance out the mutton thighs.
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266. What have you done with her?
This isn't my Lamb Chop.
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267. Why? I think she's got a refreshing,
earthy quality. Fran chop.
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268. Shari, I'm afraid we owe you
a bit of an explanation.
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269. You think?
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270. Miss Lewis, you really
shouldn't be angry at Mr. Sheffield.
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271. The truth of the matter is...
her dog ate Lamb Chop!
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272. You know, Shari,
the lamb was holding you back.
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273. You're better off without her.
She told me she was seeing another hand.
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274. You know, I know that you've
experienced a great loss, Miss Lewis.
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275. But you really shouldn't blame
Miss Babcock.
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276. Although, you've got
a very legitimate case against her.
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277. Miss Fine, perhaps Miss Lewis would
like a moment of silence for the lamb—
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278. Look, Lamb Chop!
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279. Lamb Chop.
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280. Look, Chester didn't eat her.
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281. He must have dropped her down the
laundry chute like I used to do to Grace—
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282. "Gracious" me, I haven't done
my homework yet. Let's go.
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283. Well, thank goodness she's okay.
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284. Yeah. Okay? Speak for yourself.
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285. I was practically strangled
by a leopard thong bikini.
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286. Sorry.
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287. Shari, I'm most terribly sorry
about all this.
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288. Forget it. I want out of this deal!
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289. Lamb Chop, let's not be hasty.
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290. Let's not forget who owns 52 percent.
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291. We're out of here.
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292. If she doesn't wanna do it,
she doesn't wanna do it.
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293. I'm really sorry.
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294. You'll have to get Miss Piggy
for your project.
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295. Miss Piggy?
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296. That ham?
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297. Honey, she's the new white meat.
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298. You know, maybe you are overreacting?
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299. Well, why don't we step into my office
and discuss this?
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300. Well. There's no harm in just talking.
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301. - Shall we?
- Hey, shall we?
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302. Come here. How's my breath?
It's all right?
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303. - It's all right.
- Good girl. Go. Go.
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304. Excuse me, but this is a private meeting.
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305. You know that guy
I'm going to the movie with?
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306. - Yeah. The one with the Miata.
- Well, the Miata's in the shop.
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307. So he's bringing his father's Lincoln.
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308. Better, big back seat.
What movie you seeing?
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309. - Legends of the Fall.
- Sexy.
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310. We're gonna have such a good time.
Kids!
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311. Brighton, Gracie,
we're going to a drive-in!
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