The Nanny 2x15

Directed by Lee Shallat Chemel

Rachel Chagall as Val Toriello • Renée Taylor as Sylvia Fine • Robert Lee Jacobs as Blake Glickman • Morgan Brittany as Judy Silverman • Erik Estrada as Erik Estrada

Fran receives a surprise when Sylvia sends in a long-lost "Win a Date With Erik Estrada" contest entry form.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Oh, wow.

2. Look at all these memories.

3. Ma could never throw anything of mine away.

4. Darling, get all your crap out of here.

5. I'm converting the storage room into a den for your father.

6. Ma, this is a den by you?

7. Why don't you just strap him to the wall and slap an iron mask on his face?

8. You kids.

9. We're not into that.

10. Oh, look, my old stewardess costume.

11. For Halloween, I went as Karen Black from Airport '75.

12. "Oh, my God, the pilot's been sucked out."

13. Oh, wow. These are cool.

14. Oh, my old platforms.

15. I used to boogie-oogie-oogie till I just couldn't boogie no more.

16. - You want? - Sure.

17. Oh, look, your father's first piece.

18. He loved Ringo.

19. Oh, it takes me back.

20. Now sing.

21. Yeah, yeah, yeah

22. Ma, look at this.

23. This is my "Win a Date with Erik Estrada" entry form.

24. You were supposed to mail this in 1979.

25. All right, give it to me. I got a tax form from '81 that's gotta go.

26. Fran, how come all these kids are green?

27. Oh, my camp picture got moldy.

28. Oh, please let this be a fat year.

29. Oh, what difference does it make? That stupid Judy Silverman

30. always jumped in front of me every time I went to take a picture.

31. She was so threatened by me.

32. Why? Because you were prettier than her?

33. Well, yeah, that. And also because I actually threatened her.

34. She always had to be one up on me, you know?

35. I mean, sometimes she succeeded, sometimes an Ex-Laxed hot cocoa

36. kept her out of color war.

37. This is scary. Look, it's a naked picture of that guy from Evening Shade.

38. Oh, gross.

39. Oh, my Burt Reynolds Cosmo centerfold.

40. - Darling, that's mine. - No, Ma, you laminated yours.

41. - No, I didn't. - Yes, you did.

42. Well, I guess that's more than Loni got.

43. She was working in a bridal shop In Flushing, Queens

44. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out In one of those crushing scenes

45. What was she to do, where was she to go? She was out on her fanny

46. So, over the bridge from Flushing To the Sheffields' door

47. She was there to sell makeup But the father saw more

48. She had style, she had flair She was there

49. That's how she became the Nanny

50. Who would have guessed That the girl we described

51. Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed?

52. - Now the father finds her beguiling - Watch out, C.C.

53. - And the kids are actually smiling - Such joie de vivre!

54. She's the lady in red When everybody else is wearing tan

55. The flashy girl from Flushing The Nanny named Fran

56. - Okay, Fran, where do you want these? - Oh, my old schoolbooks.

57. Looking for Mr. Goodbar, Valley of the Dolls.

58. Intro to Chemistry? How'd that get in there?

59. What exactly are a person's loins? And how do you get them to quiver?

60. Give me that.

61. You know what, stick this in my closet.

62. Better yet, put it under my bed.

63. Oh, Niles, look at what I brought home. Doesn't it smell real?

64. You mean, it's not?

65. No. You know what the secret is?

66. You dust it with Lemon Pledge.

67. Why don't you take it, put it in your room?

68. - Cheer it up a little bit. - Oh, that's really nice.

69. Meanwhile, what are you wearing to the Camp Kindervelt reunion?

70. Oh, I'm not going to that.

71. I don't need Judy Silverman rubbing her gorgeous, successful,

72. handsome, rich husband in my face.

73. - Maybe she's still single. - Oh, Val, you're confusing her with us.

74. Judy was already narrowing the groom side to 30

75. while we were still bobbing in the lake shouting, "Marco! Polo!"

76. So, you're not gonna go?

77. Not unless I can go on the arm of a drop-dead gorgeous guy.

78. Look, tell Giorgio I love his suits but I am not posing for GQ.

79. I'm a businessman, not a bloody model.

80. Wouldn't hurt if he was loaded either.

81. And what would I do with another Lamborghini?

82. Hey, why don't you ask Mr. Sheffield to take you?

83. Oh, Val, where do you come up with these ideas?

84. Why not? It's just a favor. He's a friend, and you do for him.

85. You know, you're right.

86. He's always schlepping me to those premieres.

87. I'm in and out of limos. I have to remember all those names.

88. Donald, Marla.

89. Woody, Mia. I had to write Soon-Yi's name on my wrist.

90. - Fran, these shoes fit great! - Oh, good, honey, I'm glad.

91. Gee, I love those platforms. Wonder why I stopped wearing them.

92. I'm okay!

93. Maxwell, it's freezing out here.

94. Quit smoking, C.C., and you can come inside.

95. Niles, get that hideous thing off the terrace, would you?

96. Mr. Sheffield wants you to get off the terrace.

97. Maxwell, why can't I smoke inside?

98. C.C., if you want to ruin your own health, that's your business,

99. but Niles is allergic.

100. Hi, Mr. Sheffield.

101. What do you want?

102. Nothing.

103. Can't a friend come in and say hello to another friend?

104. Hello, friend.

105. You're sitting on John Malkovich.

106. I don't hear him complaining.

107. Get up.

108. Now I forgot what I came in here to ask you.

109. Oh, yeah. My camp is having a big reunion this weekend.

110. What are you doing Friday night?

111. Friday. Friday. Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday.

112. Oh, Meeting of the Tony committee, what a shame. Blast.

113. If it was any other night...

114. Lucky you, it's really Saturday.

115. A blind man in New Jersey saw that one coming, sir.

116. Miss Fine, I hate reunions. I didn't even go to my own at Eton.

117. Oh, yes, you did, sir. Don't you remember?

118. You were sulking in the corner because everyone was kissing Jeremy Irons' ass—

119. pirin, Q-Tips and ChapStick. Well...

120. I'm off to the drugstore.

121. Come on, Mr. Sheffield, what do you say?

122. Goodbye?

123. Oh, I can't believe this.

124. After all the favors that I've done for you.

125. You schlep me on that yacht,

126. on a Sunday yet, all the way up to Newport

127. just so you and the kids can hang out with Claus.

128. Meanwhile, I'm upstairs with Sunny, the woman doesn't say two words.

129. Can you believe I actually considered calling my ex-fiancé Danny

130. to see if he'd take me to this reunion?

131. How low can I stoop?

132. What are you doing Saturday night?

133. As cute a couple as we'd make, I have a date with a sure thing.

134. Just don't leave your wallet on the dresser.

135. Fran, I hung your psychopathic poster in my room.

136. That's "psychedelic," honey.

137. Yep, Niles, in the old days, you could hallucinate a date.

138. Oh, God, Andrew Lloyd Webber's done it again.

139. Just got the rights to a show I've been after for years.

140. You know, just for once, Niles, I'd love to top him.

141. Well, now you know how Miss Fine feels about Judy Silverman.

142. I'm sorry, sir. I know it hurts, but it's my job.

143. Oh, all right.

144. I suppose it would be very thrilling for her to walk in with me.

145. Your blue suit is back from the cleaners.

146. Oh, no, Niles, that's much too "Here I am, Mr. Big Famous Producer."

147. I think the green tweed,

148. - that's very smart. - Good choice, sir.

149. Oh, there's no time to take it to the cleaners.

150. You'll have to press it yourself.

151. Fix the lining in the right sleeve, would you?

152. Oh, and mend the buttons.

153. Just snazz it up a bit, would you?

154. Did you say the green tweed, sir?

155. Don't you think it makes you look rather...

156. - Rather what? - Well, tubby.

157. Nice try, Niles.

158. I'm wearing the green tweed. Go on, get on it.

159. "Niles doesn't have anything to do. He can go upstairs and snazz it up."

160. How do you keep from twisting your ankle in those things?

161. Oh, you don't. That's what bell-bottoms were for, to hide the swelling.

162. - What's this for? - Oh, that's my disco whistle.

163. Twirl that chandelier.

164. I'm lookin' for some hot stuff Baby, this evenin'

165. Hot stuff, baby, tonight

166. I'm lookin' for some hot stuff—

167. Fran?

168. I'll get it.

169. - Hi. - Hi.

170. How are you?

171. I'm looking for a Fran Fine.

172. Oh, hi, Ponch. Ponch?

173. Oh, my.

174. You are muy bonita.

175. Gracias.

176. Wow, great smile.

177. Oh, don't look at it directly. It's like an eclipse.

178. So, are you here to see Mr. Sheffield?

179. No, Fran, he's here to see you.

180. We sent him your old "Win a Date with Erik Estrada" entry form.

181. My manager thought it would be a fun thing to do. You know, for publicity.

182. Don't you have a big reunion tomorrow night?

183. - Yeah. - Well, I'm the hombre who's taking you.

184. Oh, my God. This is...

185. Amazing. It's like a dream. How could this be?

186. We told him how desperate you were.

187. Oh, thank you!

188. - Well, then, I'll see you tomorrow night. - Okay.

189. Oh, by the way, is it formal?

190. Oh, Erik, whatever you wear will be just fine.

191. You wouldn't happen to have your old CHiPs uniform?

192. Oh, no, that would be a push. That would be a push.

193. Adios.

194. Hasta Spumante, baby.

195. Oh, is he caliente or what?

196. Oh, thanks, you guys. You're wonderful. I love you.

197. I gotta go call Val.

198. Hold on to your hat, Miss Fine.

199. I've decided I will escort you to your reunion.

200. Val, sit. You are not going to believe who's taking me to the reunion.

201. Judy Silverman will die.

202. Well, she may be a little impressed.

203. Well, he's gorgeous, he's foreign and he's got a head of hair

204. that you can lose a hand in.

205. - Well— - I'm going with Erik Estrada!

206. Who?

207. No, Val, this is not like the time I said I was going out

208. with Jan-Michael Vincent. Bye.

209. Oh, hi, Mr. Sheffield.

210. I see you're wearing a green tweed jacket.

211. Yes, why?

212. Just makes you look a little tubby.

213. - Niles, what's the occasion? - It's for you.

214. Congratulations on quitting smoking.

215. Oh, Niles, when you quit smoking, you have to be very careful not to gain weight.

216. Oh, really?

217. Last time I quit, I gained 25 pounds.

218. Éclairs are ready.

219. Oh, only six more hours to Erik Estrada.

220. Mr. Sheffield wants to see you.

221. Well, that can only mean one thing.

222. Take the back stairs.

223. - Miss Fine. - What, have you got me LoJacked?

224. We have a problem.

225. Why do you always go straight to me? Niles could have done it.

226. Yep, Niles is no angel.

227. Brighton's English teacher faxed this over.

228. The assignment was to write from personal experience.

229. Read it.

230. "Isabel. How do I describe Isabel?

231. She was part woman, part little girl.

232. I felt her heaving bosom in my—" Oy.

233. Well, what are you looking at me for? The only Isabel I know is Sanford.

234. And if Brighton is fantasizing about Weezie,

235. this problem's bigger than both of us.

236. I have to get back to work.

237. See this is rewritten by Monday, would you, Miss Fine?

238. Oh, but I don't feel like doing homework on the weekend.

239. Yoo-hoo, Miss Babcock...

240. teatime.

241. Doesn't this Ponch character do anything on this show

242. but ride a motorcycle?

243. Well, there does seem to be a crime wave involving big-busted women

244. in halter tops driving Corvettes.

245. This is absurd. There are more close-ups of his rear end

246. than of his partner's face.

247. That's the way I would've directed it.

248. Stop it, C.C., you've been driving me crazy all week.

249. Now smoke!

250. Maxwell, I am wearing the patch.

251. If I light a cigarette right now, my heart will stop.

252. Oh, I can't even breathe. I can't believe this.

253. My hair came out too big, my dress is too small.

254. - Really? I think it's a little subdued. - No.

255. I'd go up another inch or two.

256. Oh, Dad, you should see his Harley. It's so cool.

257. It's like the beginning of The Wild One.

258. What are they so excited about? I rode a motorcycle, too. Remember, at Eton?

259. I believe that was a moped, sir...

260. with a grocery basket on the front.

261. Well, it was bloody good on the curves.

262. - Wow, Fran. - Hi, Erik.

263. You look great.

264. That dress is almost as tight as my CHiPs uniform.

265. Buenos nachos.

266. I'd like you to meet my mother, from Frito-Lay.

267. And this is my boss, Maxwell Sheffield, the big famous producer.

268. - Miss Fine, I'm sure he knows who I am. - No.

269. - What TV shows have you done? - None.

270. - I produce theater. - So, how'd you get the house?

271. You know, mosquitoes aren't so bad.

272. Tastes like chicken.

273. - Hi, Fran. - Hi, Fran.

274. Attention all campers, look who I've got.

275. Fran, it's really Erik Estrada. I'm dying.

276. - You look gorgeous. - Oh, thanks.

277. - Take off the helmet. - No.

278. Fran, you can't wear a helmet all night.

279. Why? Madonna wears two traffic cones strapped on her chest.

280. Fran.

281. Oh, all right.

282. Did I deflate? I gotta see.

283. Well, Fran...

284. seems your friends got a big kick out of this, but I gotta split.

285. - It was great meeting you, though. - Wait a minute.

286. Where are you going? Judy Silverman hasn't even shown up yet.

287. I'm taking my wife and kids to see Beauty and the Beast.

288. - Didn't they tell you? - I never met your wife and kids.

289. I meant my manager. You know, this was all publicity.

290. Right, of course.

291. Well, it was nice meeting you. And thank you for coming

292. and enjoy the show.

293. Bye-bye.

294. Adios.

295. I liked the blond guy better!

296. Come on, Val, let's get out of here before that stupid Judy— Silverman!

297. - Hi. - Fran.

298. Judy!

299. So, you here alone?

300. Me, alone?

301. Yeah, right.

302. Wait right here. You gotta meet my fiancé.

303. Great, I won't budge.

304. - Let's get the hell out of here. - All right. Don't run off, now.

305. I wanna meet your guy, too.

306. Val, here's a 20. Give it to the janitor.

307. Tell him to run a comb through his hair.

308. Too late. Here they come.

309. This is Fran.

310. - Hi. - Hi. Nice to meet you.

311. So, where's your guy?

312. My guy?

313. My guy.

314. We're talking about my guy.

315. - Well, to tell you the truth, Judy— - Hello, darling.

316. You're her date?

317. I'm not sure that "date" would be the right word.

318. We've been living together for, what, over a year now.

319. Yeah, did you remember to turn the alarm on, honey?

320. The mansion next to ours was robbed. It was so scary.

321. Well, this is Blake Glickman, my fiancé.

322. We're very much in love.

323. Well, pleased to meet you. Maxwell Sheffield.

324. How do you do— Maxwell Sheffield?

325. I was in one of your revivals!

326. Seventy-six trombones led the big parade

327. With 110 cornets close at hand

328. That's where I met Kent.

329. That's the last time I feed your cat when you're on the road.

330. Boy, are their kids gonna be good-looking.

331. Miss Fine, what about a little turn around the dance floor?

332. Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

333. - Fran! - Val, I'll dance with you later. I promise.

334. Mr. Sheffield, what are you doing here?

335. Well, just after you left, Mr. Estrada's publicist called

336. to confirm dinner reservations for after the show.

337. So, I thought maybe you'd have some room left on your dance card.

338. Oy, you're a doll.

339. - You look lovely tonight. - Even with the hair?

340. Oh, I like it. You can actually see over your head.

341. Oh, Mr. Sheffield, I'll never forget that you did this for me tonight.

342. Well, I know how much it meant to you.

343. Mr. Sheffield, you are quite a little dancer there.

344. Everyone's staring at us.

345. What do you say we give them an eyeful?

346. Okay.

347. Oh, I remember when I had to get rid of my stuff

348. when they turned my room into a den.

349. Val, you're still living at home.

350. I know. You'd think they'd wake me so I could get off the pool table

351. before they break.

352. Thank God they installed a wet bar. At least you can shower.