The Nanny 2x13

Directed by Lee Shallat Chemel

Ron Melendez as Peter Bidwell • Sally Jessy Raphael as Sally Jessy Raphael • Marion Ramsey as Woman in Audience • Roger Keller as Photographer

There's a busboy strike going on at the cast party for Maxwell's latest play. When Fran refuses to cross the picket line, a photo of Maxwell dragging her out of the line makes the news.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Morning, Niles.

2. God save the queen.

3. I don't look too much like a roll of Lifesavers?

4. Yes, but the flavor goes on and on.

5. Oh, Niles. It's always the quiet ones.

6. I wanna wear this to Mr. Sheffield's big opening night,

7. but I gotta practice sitting in it.

8. That looks natural.

9. Well, maybe if I sat on the aisle?

10. Oh, thanks.

11. Well, here it is, a full-page ad in today's paper.

12. "Opening tonight: Norma, a musical adaptation of Norma Rae,

13. produced by Maxwell Sheffield and C.C. Boobcock"?

14. "Boobcock"?

15. I proofread this ad copy myself. And then I gave it to Niles

16. to send to the messen... ger.

17. Oh, how embarrassing.

18. Someone at that ad agency must have it in for you.

19. Oh, who would have thought that I would love a musical

20. about a union organizer sorely in need of dress shields?

21. But I'll tell you, I'm still humming the sweatshop number.

22. So, Niles, you haven't told me what you thought of the preview.

23. Oh, it was wonderful, sir.

24. Those three hours and 15 minutes flew by like three hours and ten.

25. Yes, and what a novel idea not to have an intermission.

26. Yes, thank you. I'm very proud of the show.

27. Well, you should be. I know my whole family is gonna see it.

28. We're union workers from way back.

29. My Aunt Tessie was "or blouse."

30. - What's "or blouse"? - You know, from the commercial:

31. Look for the union label

32. When you are buying A coat, dress or blouse

33. Yes, well, let's all break a leg tonight, shall we?

34. Oh, you won't need luck, Mr. Sheffield,

35. not with the hit play you've got on your hands, mister.

36. Niles, I'm not kissing up. It's a very important play.

37. If I don't sit through it again, how am I gonna get to the party?

38. Come on. Don't you wanna hobnob with celebrities?

39. I've been to scores of these

40. and as yet no one has "hobbed" my "nobs."

41. Well, maybe you should try wearing something a little more low-cut.

42. She was working in a bridal shop In Flushing, Queens

43. Til her boyfriend kicked her out In one of those crushing scenes

44. What was she to do, where was she to go? She was out on her fanny

45. So over the bridge from Flushing To the Sheffields' door

46. She was there to sell makeup But the father saw more

47. She had style, she had flair She was there

48. That's how she became the Nanny

49. Who would have guessed That the girl we described

50. Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed?

51. - Now the father finds her beguiling - Watch out, C.C.

52. - And the kids are actually smiling - Such joie de vivre!

53. She's the lady in red When everybody else is wearing tan

54. The flashy girl from Flushing The Nanny named Fran

55. Fran, what do you think about this one?

56. Oh, honey, that is entirely too revealing.

57. No, no, no. It makes you look cheap and tawdry.

58. Go put it back in my closet.

59. Fran, Brighton says he can see up my dress when I wear my Mary Janes.

60. Oh, sweetie, don't listen to him.

61. They make you look very lucky.

62. Oh, I see you're wearing the new Barbie underpants I bought you.

63. Can I go to that new mall in Jersey with Kyle and a couple of guys?

64. Which Kyle? The one with the braces or the one that smells like cheese?

65. - Cheese. - Oh, good. The other one's weird.

66. - How you gonna get there? - His brother's driving.

67. - How long has he had his license? - A while.

68. "A while," 10 years,

69. or "a while," he still looks like the picture on his license?

70. Oh, B, I don't think so.

71. I don't want you getting into a car with a bunch of boys

72. that just drive fast and act fresh, and then the next thing you know,

73. you're hitchhiking on the Jersey Turnpike,

74. wearing much too much makeup for your age—

75. I'm having a hypoglycemic attack. I better have a Godiva.

76. Oh, cheer up, honey. Hey, I've been to that mall.

77. They don't even have a Judy's there.

78. Besides, tonight's your father's big opening night.

79. What if you got stuck in traffic? Then you'd miss the whole thing.

80. I'm not that lucky.

81. Nougat.

82. Say, Dad, could I go to the mall with Kyle?

83. Well, I don't know. What does Miss Fine say?

84. Well, you see, she was kind of leaning towards no.

85. But between you and me, I think she's just a little overprotective.

86. Which is fine for the girls, but sometimes a man needs to get away.

87. - Maxwell. - I know what you mean.

88. Well, all right. Off you go. Have fun.

89. Yes!

90. terday, all my troubles Seemed so faraway

91. Now it looks as though They're here to stay

92. Well, the good news is, B, I'm usually a very fair nanny.

93. The bad news is, it's the 28th day of the month.

94. Niles, how long are you gonna polish that couch?

95. The fumes are rather overwhelming.

96. After a while, you don't notice them, sir.

97. I couldn't resist the infomercial.

98. Unwanted dirt just slides right off.

99. Voilà.

100. Cheers. Must be 5:00 somewhere.

101. I haven't been drinking, Nanny Fine. I just...

102. Slid off the couch.

103. And Ted Kennedy's nose is just sun-damaged.

104. - Mr. Sheffield, you got a second? - Yes.

105. - Well, Brighton— - Time's up.

106. Goodbye, Nanny Fine.

107. Oh, you're in a good mood. Well, I'll take care of that.

108. Well, this sounds like a must-miss.

109. I have to pick up my dress from the cleaners anyway.

110. It's also an excellent floor polish.

111. All right, Miss Fine. What's all this about Brighton?

112. Well, we've got a little problem.

113. Brighton knew I didn't want him to go to the mall,

114. so he used you to undermine me.

115. No. In all fairness, he made it perfectly clear you'd already said no.

116. Oh, well, then I take it back.

117. We don't have a little problem. We've got a big problem.

118. Miss Fine, don't you think you're being just a bit overprotective?

119. Well, it's a guy thing.

120. I thought it was appropriate to just let him go.

121. And just how did you think he was getting to Jersey?

122. He's going to Jersey?

123. Just for the future, Mr. Sheffield, when the kids say:

124. "Fran said no," that's the big robot saying, "Danger, Will Robinson!"

125. You know, I could have stayed in England.

126. I'll make it simple for you. Children are like a brassiere.

127. One part of me says get out the window quick.

128. But the other part just has to know why.

129. Because they divide and separate.

130. - Your mother never told you that? - No.

131. But we always thought Mummy should have talked more about her underwear.

132. My point is that you have to give me full support.

133. You must back me up no matter what.

134. All right, Miss Fine, I promise. If you promise no brassiere analogies.

135. Cross my heart.

136. I don't want to hear that you don't wanna go tonight.

137. That man works very hard to put a roof over your head.

138. Now stop whining and go put on your party clothes.

139. Oh, all right.

140. - Don't give me that look. - What look?

141. Oh, the look of anticipation, sir. It's only four hours till Norma.

142. Just try to hold on, man.

143. Do you smell cheese?

144. Oh, that's Kyle.

145. I'm going to the mall, like you said.

146. I've changed my mind. Brighton, you're staying home.

147. And when Miss Fine says no, it means no.

148. Good afternoon, monster— Master Kyle.

149. Dad, nothing's gonna happen.

150. Look, I think I've made myself perfectly clear.

151. Is someone making grilled cheese?

152. I think Kyle's just a little overheated.

153. Take your coat off, honey.

154. Hello, I'm Peter Bidwall. I'll be driving the boys to the mall.

155. You must be Mr. Sheffield.

156. - Yes. - How do you do, sir?

157. I saw your last play. Brilliant.

158. Really? What was your favorite part?

159. - Mr. Sheffield. - Now, Miss Fine,

160. he seems like a responsible young man.

161. Too bad that he's not the one driving.

162. - What? - I'll bet you dollars for donuts

163. that this kid is the decoy.

164. We used to send Bridgett O'Malley in her parochial uniform to the door.

165. Meanwhile, behind the wheel is sitting Debbie Cutler,

166. burning her boyfriend's initials in her forearm.

167. Watch and learn.

168. Lovely home you have here.

169. Peter, I've never met you before. Where do you go to school?

170. Right around the corner.

171. Who you studying with, Hammacher or Schlemmer?

172. Schlemmer?

173. Okay. Where'd they dig you up from?

174. The Gap.

175. - How much are they paying you? - Twenty.

176. Twenty? Boy, Bridgett used to do it for a pack of Kents.

177. Well, you're busted, you guys.

178. Sorry, guys. No refunds.

179. Kyle, you paid him?

180. Well, if he's not driving, then I'm not going. Get out.

181. Oh, man, that was close.

182. - Brighton— - Allow me, Miss Fine.

183. Brighton, you are grounded.

184. And furthermore, you're not going to the show tonight.

185. But I've only seen it once.

186. You should have thought of that before.

187. Oh, well.

188. Freeze.

189. Mr. Sheffield,

190. I think you're being just a little too severe.

191. He's really a good boy.

192. No, I'm not.

193. I'm bad. Very bad.

194. He wants to come with us and see the play again.

195. All three acts.

196. Well...

197. Oh, but I don't deserve it.

198. Oh, baby, you do.

199. You really do.

200. Mr. Sheffield, another opening, another shrimp— Show.

201. What were those two women behind you complaining about?

202. Oh, who knows? Something about not being able to see.

203. What do you think, Niles? Niles?

204. The Knicks are up by two.

205. Maxwell, the photographers want to take a picture of us.

206. Go on, Nanny Fine, free shrimp.

207. You don't have to tell me twice.

208. Mr. Sheffield, can we get a photo of you and Miss Boobcock?

209. Right. Now, shall we?

210. Wait a minute. Are the busboys on strike?

211. Oh, my God, those poor people.

212. Who's gonna clear their tables?

213. Miss Fine, after you.

214. Mr. Sheffield, I can't go in there. My mother had three rules:

215. Never make contact with a public toilet,

216. never ever, ever, ever cross a picket line.

217. What was the third one? Oh, yeah. Never wear musk oil to the zoo.

218. Miss Fine, you're embarrassing me. Now come along.

219. I can't. My Aunt Or Blouse would roll over in her grave,

220. which was paid for by her union.

221. Now, will you please come in before this turns into a spectacle?

222. - No, I can't. Stop it. - Would you— Let go, Miss Fine!

223. - Would you please— Would you— - No! No!

224. Oh, Niles. Boy, did I ruin Mr. Sheffield's big night last night.

225. Well, you know what I'll do just to defuse the situation?

226. I'll tell him how adorable he is, compliment him on his accent.

227. And if that fails, I can always turn on the tears.

228. He's a real sucker for crying.

229. - Hi, Niles. - Hello.

230. Can you drop me off at Unemployment?

231. Good morning, Miss Fine. Entertainment section, please, Niles.

232. Don't bother. I've already scoured the paper.

233. I didn't see any mention of our little incident.

234. It was a coupon?

235. Let's imagine what this picture would've look liked.

236. Miss Fine!

237. How could you do this to me?

238. Well, I'm sorry. But the Fines don't cross picket lines.

239. It's against our religion. Like eating pork.

240. - Well, you eat bacon. - No, I don't.

241. You most certainly do too.

242. All right. But only if it's very crispy or in a club sandwich.

243. - And don't ever tell my grandmother. - She eats it as well.

244. Oh, all right, we all do.

245. Mr. Sheffield, what part of England do you come from?

246. You have such a gorgeous accent.

247. Miss Fine.

248. Well, you don't understand anything.

249. Oh, I understand a lot more than you think.

250. Oh, what's the use? You blue bloods just don't know from us blue collars.

251. So now I don't appreciate the plight of the working man.

252. Look, I have a job.

253. I'm a working stiff just like the next guy.

254. Oh, Niles, what is this on my shoe?

255. Daddy, I need the limo. I have a riding lesson after school.

256. But I have a playdate with Ivanka Trump.

257. Well, one of you will just have to take the Town Car, won't you?

258. There, see? We have problems just like everyone else.

259. Maxwell, you are never gonna believe what happened.

260. There was a message on your answering machine.

261. No, no. The box office does— No.

262. The box office doesn't open for an hour.

263. There's already a line around the block

264. and Sally Jessy Rafael wants us on her show today.

265. Oh, I love her. She's the best.

266. You know, Oprah goes up and down, but Sally maintains her ideal weight.

267. C.C., Sally isn't inviting us to chat up the show.

268. She wants to talk about that bloody picket-line incident.

269. Maxwell, Maxwell, Maxwell, she isn't gonna be the only one with a mike.

270. I will just paint Nanny Fine as a disgruntled nut.

271. "Disgruntled nut"? That could work.

272. Well, maybe we should go. I suppose I could try some damage control.

273. Maxwell, leave it to me. I can fix anything.

274. You can fix anything?

275. C.C., there is a billboard in Times Square that says "Boobcock."

276. - Where's Steadman? - That's Oprah. This is Sally.

277. Five, four, three, two...

278. Well, today we have the producers of Norma,

279. which opened on Broadway yesterday.

280. To rave reviews, I might add.

281. See, I told you you were worried about nothing.

282. Max, isn't it ironic that you are producing a play

283. that is pro-union and yet you were photographed

284. dragging an employee across the picket line?

285. I know. I know.

286. Oh, would you look at the size of that picture.

287. I wonder how much it would cost to get that framed.

288. Well, Sally, first of all, I want to go on record as saying

289. that Norma employs nearly 300 union members.

290. Nanny Fine is a disgruntled nut.

291. Oh, look, my name's on TV.

292. Well, look at who we have here. Fran Fine, the nanny.

293. - Hi, Sally. - Why don't you join them on-stage?

294. Oh, no, I couldn't. I—

295. Well, for the people.

296. Why don't you move over, Miss Boobcock.

297. Max, did you know that there was a strike?

298. Well, no, of course not, Sally. But what was I supposed to do?

299. Everyone was already inside. I mean, cast members, celebrities, the press.

300. I called Beefsteak Charlie's. They don't have a booth for 312.

301. Wow, that's a lot of important people. What did you expect him to do, Fran?

302. Fran? Fran?

303. I'm sorry.

304. Well, you know, I understood why he crossed the picket line.

305. Why can't he understand why I couldn't?

306. I thought we were supposed to back each other up no matter what.

307. So I'm just supposed to play along with everything you say?

308. Apparently I'm supposed to play along with everything you say.

309. Hold it, folks. What— Max, what are we really talking about here?

310. - I mean, in one word. - Support.

311. - Good. Fran, in one word. - One word? Good bloody luck.

312. Hey, Mr. They-Had-to-Turn-the-Music-On

313. to-Get-You-Off-the-Stage- at-the-Tony-Awards.

314. Kids. Maxwell, will you at least concede

315. that perhaps you could have been a little bit more sympathetic

316. to Fran's feelings on the picket line?

317. Well, I suppose I...

318. Maybe might...

319. Could've been.

320. I missed that, Sally. You're gonna have to send me a transcript.

321. Look, it was a very important night for me.

322. You're important to me. Ergo, I wanted you there.

323. "Ergo"? Who's Ergo?

324. Sally, Sally. Look— Look, girlfriend,

325. didn't you hear what the man just said?

326. He said you're important to him.

327. Is that what you said?

328. Yes.

329. Well, why can't they just communicate?

330. You know, if we were running the world, there'd be no wars.

331. - Right, girls? - Yeah.

332. Right. Right. Because—

333. Because there'd be so much bloody talk,

334. there'd be no time for war, isn't that true, gentlemen?

335. Boy, that Sally is one fantastic interviewer.

336. She gets things out of you that you didn't even know were there.

337. That tax shelter where you hid that money,

338. I don't know how that came out.

339. Well, it wasn't a total disaster.

340. Seems our appearance shamed the hotel into settling with the busboys.

341. That makes me feel good. 'Cause, you know, they work so hard.

342. And all they really needed was to be treated with a little human dignity.

343. I thought you'd like that. They settled for $8 an hour.

344. What? For bringing water that you have to ask 16 times for?

345. And then they take your plate before you're through.

346. Well, then you know they're eating it in the back.

347. Oh, Niles, we are gonna have to get organized. We're being exploited.

348. Amen. Would you like some foie gras?

349. No, I've had it up to here with beluga.

350. Yes, life is tough, isn't it, folks?

351. He should only walk a mile in my shoes.

352. Oh, Miss Fine, you can't walk a mile in your shoes.

353. - Or blouse - Or blouse

354. Oh, Sally is very classy.

355. The way she handled those bisexual Siamese twins,

356. I'll tell you, Geraldo really sensationalized it,

357. but Sally handled it with a plum.

358. That's "aplomb," Miss Fine.

359. No, it was a plum.

360. What the devil do bisexual Siamese twins have to do with a plum?

361. It was pretty amazing.