1. Yoo-hoo!Copy !req
2. I'm home.Copy !req
3. That's what I will
do. I'll redecorate.Copy !req
4. We sure could use
the extra money.Copy !req
5. I think it's a wonderful idea.Copy !req
6. Then we all agree.Copy !req
7. Hi, everybody. Herman's home.Copy !req
8. Another thing, having a person
here would be a wonderful thing.Copy !req
9. I said the breadwinner's here. It'll
be a good thing for the whole family.Copy !req
10. I'm home! I'm home! I'm
home! I'm home! I'm home!Copy !req
11. Herman, you're here.
Why didn't you let us know?Copy !req
12. I was trying... Never mind.
What's going on here?Copy !req
13. We've decided to
rent our guest room.Copy !req
14. Lily, dear... I am
head of the house...Copy !req
15. and there will be no decision
made here without my okay.Copy !req
16. The Munsters are not gonna rent
their guest room while I'm still boss.Copy !req
17. I declare the issue closed!Copy !req
18. Whoever we rent it to, I
sure hope he's a live one.Copy !req
19. The head of the house says, "Issue
closed." Erased, stricken from our minds!Copy !req
20. Oh.Copy !req
21. Here's the ad I
put in this morning.Copy !req
22. Is anyone listening to me?
They sure put it in a good spot.Copy !req
23. All right. All right. All right.Copy !req
24. Nobody here is
listening to me...Copy !req
25. and if nobody listens to me, I'm
gonna storm right up to my room.Copy !req
26. What was Herman yelling about?Copy !req
27. I don't know. Something
about a storm up in his room.Copy !req
28. I can't storm right up to my
room. I haven't had din-din.Copy !req
29. I just can't understand it.Copy !req
30. We've had 27 people
answer our ad...Copy !req
31. and not one wants to
come past the front door.Copy !req
32. Maybe when they see us
all at once, it scares them off.Copy !req
33. Grandpa, how could
we scare anyone off?Copy !req
34. Class, Lily, we're dripping with
class. That frightens the common man.Copy !req
35. What was that?Copy !req
36. It's just Spot.Copy !req
37. He's chasing cars
again, being playful.Copy !req
38. I'd wish he'd stop
eating those hubcaps.Copy !req
39. People will start thinking he's
some kind of a juvenile delinquent.Copy !req
40. Spot, scat!Copy !req
41. Oh, dear, now he's
stealing car bumpers.Copy !req
42. He can't help it. He
has an iron deficiency.Copy !req
43. Look...Copy !req
44. it's off that nice Mr. Leonard's
car who lives across the street.Copy !req
45. You have a room for rent? Yes.
I mean, it's a wonderful room.Copy !req
46. With a northern
exposure. I'll take it.Copy !req
47. All right, get lost. We've had a
lot of bums before you turn us...Copy !req
48. You'll take it?Copy !req
49. How do you like this guy?Copy !req
50. We hit him with all our class and
sophistication, and he stands his ground.Copy !req
51. What kind of work do
you do, Mr... Skinner.Copy !req
52. Chester Skinner.
I work at night.Copy !req
53. And I also have a very unusual,
but confidential, occupation.Copy !req
54. We would be delighted
to have you, Mr. Skinner.Copy !req
55. May I show you to
your room? Thank you.Copy !req
56. If there's anything I can do
for you, now you please call me.Copy !req
57. Thank you very much.Copy !req
58. Is there a phone in here? Yes.Copy !req
59. We put one in when we
decided to rent the room.Copy !req
60. That will save you from running
down to the coffin in the hall.Copy !req
61. Thanks again.
You're welcome again.Copy !req
62. Hello, boss, this
is Chester Skinner.Copy !req
63. Yes, I have the room.Copy !req
64. The landlords are a little strange
and the house is like an open grave...Copy !req
65. but it's perfect
for our operation.Copy !req
66. All right. Everything is
running smoothly so far.Copy !req
67. Good. Check with you later.Copy !req
68. You mean to say our tenant's
been with us for two whole days...Copy !req
69. and he won't tell you
what he does for a living?Copy !req
70. That's just plain old sneaky.Copy !req
71. Chester. I think
he's just wonderful.Copy !req
72. Sneaky. Sneaky. Sneaky. Sneaky.Copy !req
73. He's so charming, he has
such wonderful manners...Copy !req
74. and so handy around the house.
"Chester's so handy around the house."Copy !req
75. Chester sounds to
me like a big frump.Copy !req
76. When I get home from
school, he plays catch with me...Copy !req
77. and he helps me with my homework.
Frump. Frump. Frump. Frump.Copy !req
78. Herman, you are jealous.Copy !req
79. Heck if I am. Sure you are.Copy !req
80. You're jealous 'cause
everybody likes Chester.Copy !req
81. I think Grandpa's right, Herman.Copy !req
82. I am not jealous.Copy !req
83. Why should I care if some...Copy !req
84. smooth-mannered, well-talking
tenant moves right in...Copy !req
85. and tries to take over my
image as ruler of the roost.Copy !req
86. Chester is not trying to take
over, Herman. He's just a nice man.Copy !req
87. How nice?Copy !req
88. All right, Herman.
Not as nice as you are.Copy !req
89. That's better.Copy !req
90. Marilyn?Copy !req
91. You're wonderfully nice, Uncle
Herman, in a different sort of a way.Copy !req
92. That's what I like to hear.Copy !req
93. Eddie?Copy !req
94. Chester's cool, Dad,
but you're the coolest.Copy !req
95. I'll accept that.Copy !req
96. Grandpa?Copy !req
97. I pass.Copy !req
98. Now, I'm warning you, Grandpa.
Don't push me too far or you'll be sorry.Copy !req
99. I'm liable to storm right
up to my room again.Copy !req
100. Good.Copy !req
101. Then I'll eat your dessert.Copy !req
102. Before I go to work...Copy !req
103. I would like to say to everyone that
I'm sorry the way I acted last night.Copy !req
104. I guess I'm just a silly fool
who's starved for affection.Copy !req
105. - Sensitive...
- Poor baby.Copy !req
106. Actually, I would like to
meet Chester before I go.Copy !req
107. I've decided that we should all
be adult about this whole thing.Copy !req
108. You can't meet him, dear.
Poor Chester worked all night.Copy !req
109. And he said he wanted
to get a good rest...Copy !req
110. before he helps me
around the house today.Copy !req
111. Fine.Copy !req
112. But, let's not get too
adult around here.Copy !req
113. Bye, Uncle Herman.
Bye, have a nice day.Copy !req
114. I'm going to work now.Copy !req
115. It's me, old Herman Munster,
taking off for the parlor.Copy !req
116. Here I go leaving for work. I
won't even be back till 6:00...Copy !req
117. so I won't be able to see what
goes on around here all day.Copy !req
118. Even if somebody wanted
to steal my wife away...Copy !req
119. and alienate my whole family
from me, I wouldn't know about it.Copy !req
120. 'Cause I'll be down at work.Copy !req
121. Herman Munster. What
are you shouting about?Copy !req
122. You'll wake up
Chester. Was I shouting?Copy !req
123. Good morning, all.Copy !req
124. Good morning. Good morning.Copy !req
125. Chester, would you like
some breakfast? Fine.Copy !req
126. Come sit here, Chester.Copy !req
127. We have some very tasty
owl's eggs and vulture livers.Copy !req
128. That sounds fine, Mrs. Munster.Copy !req
129. Call me Lily.Copy !req
130. The minute my back
is turned, he sits downCopy !req
131. at my place, starts
calling my wife Lily...Copy !req
132. and she starts plying
him with delicacies.Copy !req
133. There.Copy !req
134. Eddie, as soon as I finish
breakfast, I'll walk you to school.Copy !req
135. Hey, that'd be
just boss, Chester.Copy !req
136. He can't leave it at
merely stealing my wife...Copy !req
137. he's got to play up to my son.Copy !req
138. Herman Munster... Lily.Copy !req
139. Are you spying on me?Copy !req
140. Who, me? Yes, you.Copy !req
141. You're out here listening because
you're insanely jealous of Chester.Copy !req
142. Now, Lily...Copy !req
143. how could you say
such a thing, dear?Copy !req
144. You know I never get
emotional, fly off the handle...Copy !req
145. or lose my control.Copy !req
146. I'll kill him, I'll kill him,
I'll kill him, I'll kill him.Copy !req
147. Herman Munster, you
stop that this instant...Copy !req
148. and you go to work.Copy !req
149. Hello, Mrs. Munster.Copy !req
150. This is your friendly
national television survey.Copy !req
151. We were just wondering if you
were watching Peyton Place.Copy !req
152. It isn't on now. I see.Copy !req
153. Are you, by any chance, acting
out your own Peyton Place?Copy !req
154. Herman Munster, is that you?Copy !req
155. No, it's not me, dear.
It's a total stranger.Copy !req
156. Herman, why are you
checking up on me?Copy !req
157. This is your friendly
national television surveyCopy !req
158. signing off.Copy !req
159. Friendly national
television survey.Copy !req
160. Herman, what are we...Copy !req
161. What are we sneaking around
outside Chester's door for?Copy !req
162. He just drove down to the
store on an errand for Lily.Copy !req
163. And if he's gonna
run off with my wife...Copy !req
164. I want to make sure
he's a man of principles.Copy !req
165. Herman, allow me.Copy !req
166. Look.Copy !req
167. Well, what do you say now?Copy !req
168. Herman, it's probably
just a cigarette lighter.Copy !req
169. Oh.Copy !req
170. I don't think so.Copy !req
171. Let's see. What else
have we got here?Copy !req
172. Two cameras, a map.Copy !req
173. Grandpa, this smells like
big time syndicate stuff to me.Copy !req
174. You know that fellow always had
a definite air of banditry about him.Copy !req
175. And to think that
Lily is replacing...Copy !req
176. a loyal and faithful husband
with a cheap gangster.Copy !req
177. Herman, I hate to agree
with you, but this bum...Copy !req
178. is on the wrong side of the law.Copy !req
179. Grandpa, this is more
incriminating evidence.Copy !req
180. That dirty crook, Chester,
is spying on our neighbors.Copy !req
181. Hey, he got these
things trained...Copy !req
182. on Mr. Leonard's house.Copy !req
183. Since when did Mr. Leonard
start in the fur business?Copy !req
184. Mr. Leonard likes
to change jobs a lot.Copy !req
185. He says it keeps him free
from the pressures of society.Copy !req
186. Wait a minute. I've got it.Copy !req
187. That rotten little Chester is
spying on our poor Mr. Leonard...Copy !req
188. so he can steal all his furs.Copy !req
189. Herman, you are right. That's
why Chester rented this room.Copy !req
190. So he could case Mr. Leonard's
house across the street.Copy !req
191. Herman Munster.Copy !req
192. Are you looking at Mrs. Kelly
doing her deep knee bends again?Copy !req
193. Nothing of the kind, dear.Copy !req
194. And I would suggest
for your safety...Copy !req
195. that you, Marilyn, and
Eddie go to the movies.Copy !req
196. What?Copy !req
197. Some irregularities in conduct
have cropped up in your...Copy !req
198. gigolo star boarder Chester.
Yeah, the bum's a crook.Copy !req
199. What are you two
talking about? Lily, dear.Copy !req
200. There's going to be a showdown between
the forces of virtue and the forces of sin.Copy !req
201. Just like in Dick Tracy.Copy !req
202. Hey, everybody, Spot's
been chasing cars again.Copy !req
203. And he's eating a little Italian
sports job out in the front yard...Copy !req
204. and the guy who was
driving it is really mad.Copy !req
205. Eddie, you go down and tell
Spot that if he eats any more cars...Copy !req
206. we'll rub his nose
in the transmission.Copy !req
207. Eddie, Eddie,
never mind that, son.Copy !req
208. I'm counting on you to take the
womenfolk away from the house...Copy !req
209. before the showdown. What's
Dad talking about, Mom?Copy !req
210. Your father and Grandpa
have some silly notion...Copy !req
211. that Chester is some kind
of gangster or something.Copy !req
212. Precisely right. A gangster.Copy !req
213. And that's why you want
to run away with him.Copy !req
214. I'm just a plain,
ordinary guy...Copy !req
215. but he's different,
thrilling, dangerous.Copy !req
216. And you want to
be his gun molly.Copy !req
217. You are just plain jealous.Copy !req
218. Come along, Eddie,
Marilyn. We're going shopping.Copy !req
219. Herman, I'm sick and tired
of you doubting my love.Copy !req
220. Jealousy has turned you into a
suspicious and mistrusting creature.Copy !req
221. You're perfectly
welcome, Mr. Leonard.Copy !req
222. I was happy to give
you this timely warning.Copy !req
223. Hey, that was that goofball
Munster on the phone.Copy !req
224. Must have rented his room to a cop
who's been spying on our operation.Copy !req
225. Munster thinks he's a crook
trying to get a hold of our furs.Copy !req
226. Boys, we gotta start packing
up and get out of here in a hurry.Copy !req
227. On the double.Copy !req
228. Herman, this time
I've outdone myself.Copy !req
229. I've created the perfect trap here
to nab that dirty crook Chester.Copy !req
230. Now, first I show
Chester a card trick.Copy !req
231. Very cleverly...Copy !req
232. I get Chester to select the
card with the cord attached to it.Copy !req
233. Now, when the cord is pulled,
this activates the blowtorch.Copy !req
234. Come on.Copy !req
235. It burns through the rope
holding the battle ax...Copy !req
236. What battle ax? That battle ax.Copy !req
237. Here's where the anvil
comes in. What anvil?Copy !req
238. That anvil.Copy !req
239. I don't think you have all the bugs
worked out of your crook trap yet.Copy !req
240. Herman, you ninny, you were
standing in the wrong place.Copy !req
241. The anvil hits the couch...Copy !req
242. which sends it flying
into the air like a seesaw...Copy !req
243. sending Chester
flying through the air...Copy !req
244. down the trap door
into the dungeon...Copy !req
245. where you are waiting.Copy !req
246. Goody. Goody. Goody. Goody.Copy !req
247. And then once we get him tied up
down there, you know what I'm gonna do?Copy !req
248. What? I'm gonna
talk mean to him.Copy !req
249. Herman, will you pipe
down. Now let's reset the trap.Copy !req
250. Oh, boy, this is
gonna be real boss.Copy !req
251. That's got to be Chester now and
we're gonna catch him in our crook trap.Copy !req
252. I wish Lily was here
to see us in action.Copy !req
253. Will you cool it? You're
gonna blow the whole setup.Copy !req
254. Hello, Chester, come
right in. Come right in.Copy !req
255. Hello, Grandpa.
Very nice seeing you.Copy !req
256. I know you're tired, you've
come home from work...Copy !req
257. sit right down here.Copy !req
258. I've got a little card
trick I'd like to show you.Copy !req
259. I think I've got to get up to
my room. Chester, you can't...Copy !req
260. Please. You wouldn't deny
an old man, now, would you?Copy !req
261. Go ahead, pick a card.Copy !req
262. All right, Grandpa, I'll pick a
card. Boy, is he gonna get it.Copy !req
263. Bull's-eye, Grandpa.Copy !req
264. Okay, how does that grab
you? You dirty crook, Chester.Copy !req
265. Herman, don't bug Chester.Copy !req
266. He's gonna be tied up
down there for a while.Copy !req
267. Just think of us, Grandpa...Copy !req
268. heroes on the side
of law and justice.Copy !req
269. Now we call the
police and turn him in.Copy !req
270. Maybe, we'll get a
reward and everything.Copy !req
271. What if it's Lily?Copy !req
272. Wouldn't it be
groovy to tell her...Copy !req
273. that her Prince Charming is
nothing but a rat fink crook?Copy !req
274. Hello, Lily?Copy !req
275. I'm sorry, sir. I thought
you were my wife.Copy !req
276. No, I'm sorry. You must
have the wrong number.Copy !req
277. I don't know of any Lt. Skinner.Copy !req
278. Skinner?Copy !req
279. Skinner? That
name sounds familiar.Copy !req
280. Isn't that the last name
of our star boarder?Copy !req
281. You know, I think you're
right. But Lt. Skinner...Copy !req
282. Maybe, he's a Lieutenant in
the Air Force or something.Copy !req
283. No, he's not the
up-in-the-air type. Well?Copy !req
284. Could he be a lieutenant
in the Salvation Army?Copy !req
285. Lieutenant Governor?
Don't be silly.Copy !req
286. The only other kind of
lieutenants are... Police lieutenants.Copy !req
287. Police lieutenants.
Police lieutenants.Copy !req
288. You know something, Grandpa?Copy !req
289. If you were a cowboy...Copy !req
290. I'd say you just said a
very discouraging word.Copy !req
291. Oh.Copy !req
292. Hi, dear.Copy !req
293. Herman, what's going on? You
have a funny look in your eye.Copy !req
294. Well, dear...Copy !req
295. Grandpa and I have
something to tell you. What is it?Copy !req
296. Tell her, Grandpa.Copy !req
297. Not for a million dollars.
Uncle Herman, what is it?Copy !req
298. We have a cop tied
up in the dungeon.Copy !req
299. What cop? Our star
boarder, Chester.Copy !req
300. Oh, no.Copy !req
301. What are we going
to do about it, Lily?Copy !req
302. I don't know what
you're going to do...Copy !req
303. but I'm going down
and untie that poor man.Copy !req
304. And then I'm going to try to explain to
him that you are nothing but a dumb...Copy !req
305. stupid, foolish,
knot-headed nitwit. Yes, dear.Copy !req
306. Oh, oh, oh, dear, if you have
any trouble convincing him...Copy !req
307. I'll come right
down and help you.Copy !req
308. No!Copy !req
309. One lump or two? One, please.Copy !req
310. You see, my husband had no
idea that you were a police officer.Copy !req
311. I do hope you'll forgive
him. Well, I'd like to.Copy !req
312. But, after all, he did let that
fellow, Leonard, get away.Copy !req
313. And he and his gang are some of
the biggest fences in the country.Copy !req
314. Yoo-hoo!Copy !req
315. We're home.Copy !req
316. Herman, what have you done now?Copy !req
317. We've captured the fur thieves.Copy !req
318. That's Leonard and one of
his boys. How did you do it?Copy !req
319. Just used the old noodle.Copy !req
320. You see, the other
day our pet Spot...Copy !req
321. stole the bumper
of Mr. Leonard's car.Copy !req
322. I just let him sniff it and
told him to go fetch...Copy !req
323. and good old Spot nailed their car
before it got halfway down the block.Copy !req
324. That's great. It's too bad you
couldn't nab the other two, though.Copy !req
325. I think you'll find that Spot's
detaining them right outside.Copy !req
326. Take a look out here.Copy !req
327. Good boy, Spot.Copy !req
328. As they say on Perry Mason...Copy !req
329. I guess that wraps
up another case.Copy !req