1. Hey, Pop.Copy !req
2. Eddie...Copy !req
3. I have told you never to
sneak up on me like that.Copy !req
4. Sorry, Pop.Copy !req
5. I might cut my
sideburns crooked...Copy !req
6. and ruin my button-down
Ivy League image.Copy !req
7. Pop.Copy !req
8. There's something I
want to ask you. Eddie...Copy !req
9. if I cut my head off with this razor,
I'm sending you straight to your room.Copy !req
10. Gee, Pop, all I want to ask you is if
you'd give me a picture of yourself.Copy !req
11. A picture of myself? What for?Copy !req
12. I don't want to embarrass you, Pop, but
you are the handsomest father around.Copy !req
13. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on.Copy !req
14. And you're the neatest
father a kid could have.Copy !req
15. Go on. What are you
stopping for? You're doing fine.Copy !req
16. Well, I just wanted
a picture of you...Copy !req
17. so I could send it in to the
Father of the Year contest.Copy !req
18. Me? Father of the Year?Copy !req
19. No, Eddie.Copy !req
20. I hardly think so, Son.Copy !req
21. Okay, Pop, if you don't
want me to enter you.Copy !req
22. Come back here
this instant, Son.Copy !req
23. You'll find a photograph of
your father in the top drawer.Copy !req
24. Thanks, Pop.Copy !req
25. Of course, it's really not
fair to the other fathers.Copy !req
26. Once the contest officials see
my photograph, I win hands down.Copy !req
27. Aunt Lily, I don't know
what to do with this.Copy !req
28. A few shots of penicillin
should clear that up in no time.Copy !req
29. Grandpa, this lump of clay is
Marilyn's new project for art class.Copy !req
30. She has to sculpt
something out of it.Copy !req
31. Maybe I could do a bust
of a classical Greek...Copy !req
32. like Apollo or Achilles, or...Copy !req
33. Seymour. Who's Seymour?Copy !req
34. Who's Seymour?Copy !req
35. Seymour Akalatzis.Copy !req
36. He was a famous Greek
taxidermist back in Transylvania.Copy !req
37. He used to stuff all the guys'
mother-in-laws for free room and board.Copy !req
38. No, I need someone
a little more interesting.Copy !req
39. Hi, everybody. Hi!Copy !req
40. Hello, dear.Copy !req
41. What's this pile
of junk doing here?Copy !req
42. Herman, this is
Marilyn's art project.Copy !req
43. Marilyn's art... Oh.Copy !req
44. Say, listen, that
shows lots of talent.Copy !req
45. Lots of style there. Very good.Copy !req
46. Herman, Marilyn
hasn't even started yet.Copy !req
47. It's for my art class and I'm
trying to think of a good subject.Copy !req
48. Like what?Copy !req
49. Well, Marilyn thought maybe
something like a Greek god...Copy !req
50. a masculine face with
finely chiseled features...Copy !req
51. a head that will show
the beauty and strength...Copy !req
52. of perfect manhood.Copy !req
53. A Greek god...Copy !req
54. a masculine face...Copy !req
55. the beauty and strength
of perfect manhood.Copy !req
56. Marilyn dear, he's standing
right here in this room.Copy !req
57. Thank you. But I am
too nervous to pose.Copy !req
58. No! No! No! No!Copy !req
59. Me. Me. Me.Copy !req
60. Herman Munster.Copy !req
61. Father of the Year
candidate, and Greek god.Copy !req
62. I hate to throw my
modesty to the winds...Copy !req
63. but let's face facts.Copy !req
64. Herman, I've never been
so seasick before on dry land.Copy !req
65. You know, If Michelangelo
had used me for a model...Copy !req
66. there's no telling how
far he could have gone.Copy !req
67. Herman, would you
mind closing your mouth...Copy !req
68. while we're trying to turn
you into a work of art?Copy !req
69. Hey, Pop. Guess what?Copy !req
70. I just mailed your picture to
the Father of the Year contest...Copy !req
71. and guess what the winner gets?Copy !req
72. Lay the goodies on me, Clyde.
First, there's a trip to Hawaii.Copy !req
73. Oh, boy.Copy !req
74. I better start packing my baggies
and wax down my surfboard.Copy !req
75. I'll do it for you,
Pop. Thank you.Copy !req
76. And in addition, the
winner gets four new suits...Copy !req
77. a whole new wardrobe...Copy !req
78. and a lifetime supply
of frozen enchiladas.Copy !req
79. Yummy.Copy !req
80. Won't it be fun to have
a Father of the Year...Copy !req
81. in our very own family?Copy !req
82. Herman will never make it!Copy !req
83. What do you mean,
"Herman will never make it"?Copy !req
84. Well, in the first place,
Herman has a colossal conceit.Copy !req
85. I do not. You do so.Copy !req
86. I do not.Copy !req
87. I have a plain,
ordinary conceit.Copy !req
88. And you're just being jealous.Copy !req
89. Just because you're not
up for Father of the Year...Copy !req
90. you're acting like a big baby.Copy !req
91. Yourself.Copy !req
92. Grandpa, now stop this bickering
or I'll send you up to your slab.Copy !req
93. Well, there's
one thing for sure.Copy !req
94. That bust of Uncle Herman is
going to get me an A in art class.Copy !req
95. All righty, I'll
call it Confetti.Copy !req
96. It's a nutty business here.Copy !req
97. Hello, Professor
Von Fagenspahen.Copy !req
98. I brought in my sculpturing
project a little early.Copy !req
99. Aren't you a beauty, sweetie
student. I wish everybody was like you.Copy !req
100. Here, hold this. Let's take a little
peek here and see what we got here.Copy !req
101. For goodness sake, what is it?Copy !req
102. It's my sculpture, Professor.Copy !req
103. Such imagination!Copy !req
104. You have drawn from the very
depths of your creativity to fashion this.Copy !req
105. You have captured
man in his very essence...Copy !req
106. right down to the button.Copy !req
107. Get a load of that schnoz there.Copy !req
108. I really owe a lot to the model.Copy !req
109. This is primitive man
in all of his rawness.Copy !req
110. This is beautiful
savagery. This is...Copy !req
111. But model? What model?Copy !req
112. My Uncle Herman, he modeled
for me and I just sculpted.Copy !req
113. Wait a minute, hold
here the horses, darling.Copy !req
114. You mean to say that there is someone
like this alive around here someplace?Copy !req
115. Yes. He lives at home with
us and he's just 151 years old.Copy !req
116. A hundred and fifty...Copy !req
117. Wait a minute, once
more, what did you say?Copy !req
118. I said he's my uncle
and he's 151 years old.Copy !req
119. That's what I thought you said.
Excuse me a minute, darling.Copy !req
120. I will take this now, thank you.Copy !req
121. Hello, Uncle Herman.Copy !req
122. Hi, Marilyn, how was school?Copy !req
123. Just wonderful, my art professor
really loved the bust I did of you.Copy !req
124. He even took a photograph
of it to show his colleagues.Copy !req
125. Goody!Copy !req
126. What are you two doing here?Copy !req
127. I was just telling
Uncle Herman...Copy !req
128. how much the Professor
loved my project.Copy !req
129. It really knocked him out.Copy !req
130. Well, your Uncle Herman's looks
have always bowled people over.Copy !req
131. Mom, has the mail come yet?Copy !req
132. I want to see what the committee
said about Pop being Father of the Year.Copy !req
133. Not yet, dear.Copy !req
134. By the way, Herman,
what are you whittling?Copy !req
135. I'm doing a
self-portrait in wood.Copy !req
136. If I can make it
do me justice...Copy !req
137. I might mass produce them
and make a million dollars.Copy !req
138. That's a neat piece of wood,
Pop. Where'd you get it?Copy !req
139. I found it standing out on the front
porch. Standing out on the front porch?Copy !req
140. Herman, what do you think
is holding up the front porch?Copy !req
141. Are you insinuating that
I'm fatheaded enough...Copy !req
142. to remove a piece of wood
that was supporting the porch?Copy !req
143. Precisely.Copy !req
144. Poppycock and balderdash.Copy !req
145. Dumb old porch.Copy !req
146. Now, I have in my art
class a Marilyn Munster...Copy !req
147. a very pretty little chicken.Copy !req
148. Anyway, she is making this
an art project, a sculpture.Copy !req
149. I want to show you what she did.Copy !req
150. Hmm.Copy !req
151. She seems to have captured a perfect
likeness of a prehistoric caveman...Copy !req
152. but what of it?Copy !req
153. What if I told you that
this prehistoric caveman...Copy !req
154. is Marilyn's uncle
and he's alive?Copy !req
155. And breathing yet.Copy !req
156. I'd say that...Copy !req
157. either you've been having
archeological hallucinations or...Copy !req
158. you've been hitting the sauce.Copy !req
159. Knock it off with the
sauce. I'm off the sauce.Copy !req
160. What I am telling you
is true here, Professor.Copy !req
161. Do you realize what this
means? What it is we got here?Copy !req
162. If we could prove that our
missing link here is actually alive...Copy !req
163. then we could become
famous in scientific circles.Copy !req
164. Knock it off with the scientific
circles, that's for the birds.Copy !req
165. If we can prove that
this missing link is alive...Copy !req
166. we'll be filthy rich!Copy !req
167. In the ocean, we'll tell
everybody to jump...Copy !req
168. the dean, the Board of
Regents, the whole schmeer!Copy !req
169. Professor Von Fagenspahen,
you are a genius.Copy !req
170. Naturally, I'm German.Copy !req
171. The first order of the day is
to write to our missing link...Copy !req
172. and have him come here
for a physical examination...Copy !req
173. then we'll cash in on him.Copy !req
174. You may be a
prehistoric monster...Copy !req
175. but to me, you're
a beauty-sweetie.Copy !req
176. The mail's here.Copy !req
177. Oh, my.Copy !req
178. That mailman certainly
keeps his distance...Copy !req
179. since that time Spot
buried him in the backyard.Copy !req
180. Some people get
so annoyed with pets.Copy !req
181. Goody, there's one for me.Copy !req
182. Oh, boy! Oh, boy!Copy !req
183. Oh, boy, what? Listen.Copy !req
184. "Dear Mr. Munster...Copy !req
185. "my colleague and I were very
impressed with your photograph.Copy !req
186. "Therefore we would like you
to appear before our committee...Copy !req
187. at the State University at
your earliest convenience."Copy !req
188. I've done it again.Copy !req
189. Herman, what are
you talking about?Copy !req
190. It should be obvious, Grandpa...Copy !req
191. those discriminating judges down at
the University are about to elect me...Copy !req
192. Father of the Year.Copy !req
193. It's that contest Eddie
entered my picture in.Copy !req
194. Herman, I'm so excited!Copy !req
195. My husband, a celebrity.Copy !req
196. Now I know how
Lady Bird must feel.Copy !req
197. Father of the Year
Committee, here I come.Copy !req
198. Gentlemen, that letter...Copy !req
199. should have reached this
Herman Munster, a long time ago.Copy !req
200. If he doesn't show up, we're going
to blow a bundle, you know that?Copy !req
201. I know. I just hope he looks like this
picture, that this isn't some kind of joke.Copy !req
202. But this just can't
be. It's impossible.Copy !req
203. Do you expect me to believe that a thing
like this is living in this day and age?Copy !req
204. You're right, Doctor. We
must have been crazy to think...Copy !req
205. that we could have
discovered a real missing link.Copy !req
206. I'm so excited. I could
go back on the sauce.Copy !req
207. I guess you could say I come
from the school of hard knocks.Copy !req
208. Mr. Munster?Copy !req
209. That's me, in the flesh.Copy !req
210. What green flesh, yet.Copy !req
211. Look at that face. But
he's real! It's incredible!Copy !req
212. Say, what are you
guys whispering about?Copy !req
213. This is a big day for all of us.Copy !req
214. Let's get on with the interview, so
you can lay all those prizes on me.Copy !req
215. Excuse me...Copy !req
216. but I didn't hear what you said.Copy !req
217. My ear didn't get a
good grip on your words.Copy !req
218. Prizes.Copy !req
219. You know, all the neat junk you're going
to give me for being Father of the Year.Copy !req
220. Prizes? Father?Copy !req
221. Excuse me, my colleagues and I have to have
a little conference, if you don't mind.Copy !req
222. Please, colleagues,
in the corner, please.Copy !req
223. Did you hear what he
said? He wants prizes.Copy !req
224. And he says he's a father.
Take a look at that puss on him.Copy !req
225. I'd hate to see what
his offshoot looks like.Copy !req
226. Whatever the offshoot looks like,
I'll bet it's very popular on Halloween.Copy !req
227. The main thing is to humor him
till I can complete my examination.Copy !req
228. Let's go, team.Copy !req
229. Do I get my prize now?Copy !req
230. In a minute you can have
all the prizes you want...Copy !req
231. the doctor wants
to examine you first.Copy !req
232. The doctor wants to examine me?Copy !req
233. Yes, we want to see if
you're in good shape...Copy !req
234. so that you can carry all
those nice prizes home.Copy !req
235. Yeah, on top of that we
wouldn't like to have...Copy !req
236. the Father of the Year being a
broken-down bum, would we?Copy !req
237. I suppose not.Copy !req
238. Okay, close up the mouth now so
we can commence to begin here.Copy !req
239. I can't believe it. I
just can't believe it.Copy !req
240. My son-in-law,
Father of the Year?Copy !req
241. Now, Grandpa, the committee wouldn't
have sent for him, if Herman hadn't won.Copy !req
242. Hmm.Copy !req
243. Your move, sucker!Copy !req
244. It looks like I won that game,
stupid. Now pay up that bet.Copy !req
245. You ain't gonna pay?Copy !req
246. You fink! I should have
left you where I found you.Copy !req
247. He looks familiar.Copy !req
248. Who is that you're playing
checkers with, anyway, Grandpa?Copy !req
249. Some deadbeat I dug up on one
of my walks through the cemetery.Copy !req
250. How dare you come into our
house and weasel out on a bet!Copy !req
251. I'll have you know we are
respectable and honest people.Copy !req
252. Now, you get out of
here! Out! Out! Out!Copy !req
253. You were a nothing when I
found you and you're still a nothing!Copy !req
254. Now, what were you saying?Copy !req
255. We were talking about
Herman's being Father of the Year.Copy !req
256. I'm glad he did
win that contest.Copy !req
257. If he hadn't have won, we would have
had an 8-foot crybaby on our hands.Copy !req
258. You know, for the
award ceremony...Copy !req
259. I think I'll send to Saks
Transylvania for a new shroud.Copy !req
260. Hi, everybody.Copy !req
261. What's the matter, Eddie?Copy !req
262. I was just over at my
friend Buster Jordan's house.Copy !req
263. You look like the world
is coming to an end.Copy !req
264. That'd be just fine
compared to this.Copy !req
265. Buster's father won the
Father of the Year contest.Copy !req
266. But, Eddie, that's impossible.Copy !req
267. Your dad is meeting with the Father
of the Year committee right now.Copy !req
268. Eddie, what is this?Copy !req
269. It's the contest announcement
in the afternoon paper.Copy !req
270. You know what the
worst part is? What, dear?Copy !req
271. I got the dates mixed up.Copy !req
272. Pop would've won,
only I goofed it up.Copy !req
273. I mailed his picture into the
contest after the deadline.Copy !req
274. I don't understand.Copy !req
275. He's supposed to be meeting
with the committee now.Copy !req
276. I wonder who he is talking with?Copy !req
277. The last time he
met with strangers...Copy !req
278. they sold him the Vic Tanny
franchise for Greenland.Copy !req
279. Don't worry about it. Herman
has a good head on his shoulders.Copy !req
280. Nothing in it, but he's got a
good head on his shoulders.Copy !req
281. I want you to notice his head.Copy !req
282. Barring an absurd
skull thickness...Copy !req
283. his brain capacity
measures 2,500 centimeters.Copy !req
284. Mr. Munster, you have enough
brains to fill a large bucket.Copy !req
285. I don't know about that, but...Copy !req
286. I do wear a size 16
and seven-eighths hat...Copy !req
287. and I'm kind of partial
to black Homburgs.Copy !req
288. You are an incredible specimen.Copy !req
289. Thank you. I try hard.Copy !req
290. I want to measure his chest.Copy !req
291. Doctor, if you tickle me,
I'm gonna tickle you back.Copy !req
292. Try to sit still, Mr. Munster.
I won't move a muscle.Copy !req
293. Good. Yeah.Copy !req
294. I wouldn't want you to get the wrong size
when you measure me for my new wardrobe.Copy !req
295. By the way...Copy !req
296. do you see me in a black raw silk with
two buttons and a natural shoulder feel?Copy !req
297. Mr. Munster, I'm sorry, but we don't
know what it is you're talking about.Copy !req
298. You see, we're all
a little thick up here.Copy !req
299. Well, I am getting measured
for my prizes, aren't I?Copy !req
300. Yes, the prizes. Of
course, the prizes.Copy !req
301. Prizes!Copy !req
302. Shall we try the
patellar reflex?Copy !req
303. As long as it isn't
anything naughty.Copy !req
304. Very interesting.Copy !req
305. Must make a note, no
knee reflex whatsoever.Copy !req
306. We're all put together
differently, you know.Copy !req
307. I want to test the chest cavity.Copy !req
308. Oops-a-daisy!Copy !req
309. Boy! You're a live
one, all right. Yes.Copy !req
310. I think we've seen enough
now. We'll send you home.Copy !req
311. Send me home? Yeah.Copy !req
312. Send me home without my prizes?Copy !req
313. My Father of the Year prizes.Copy !req
314. If you send me home without my
prizes, I'm gonna hold my breath.Copy !req
315. Mr. Munster, no. Come on.Copy !req
316. Come on. We'll give you all
the prizes you want, believe me.Copy !req
317. Now, come alive. Come
on, team, give me a hand.Copy !req
318. You'll just go home like a nice little
Kind.You'll hear from us, believe me.Copy !req
319. Now be careful, watch your step.Copy !req
320. Bye! Bye.Copy !req
321. What a find. An actual live
throwback to prehistoric times.Copy !req
322. He's worth his weight in gold!Copy !req
323. But what was all that talk
about Father of the Year?Copy !req
324. Herr Doctor, when you have
a beautiful caveman like that...Copy !req
325. who's a potential money-maker
right in the palm of your hand...Copy !req
326. you don't worry
whether he's a nut or not!Copy !req
327. Oh, dear, I just
won't be able to do it.Copy !req
328. I simply can't tell Herman
he's not Father of the Year.Copy !req
329. Boy, do I feel awful.Copy !req
330. Somebody will have to tell him.Copy !req
331. He's home.Copy !req
332. At least we could
break it to him gently.Copy !req
333. Hey, Mom, I just remembered...Copy !req
334. I left the newspaper
in the living room...Copy !req
335. that tells about Mr. Jordan
winning the contest.Copy !req
336. Oh, dear, I hope
Herman doesn't see it.Copy !req
337. He saw it.Copy !req
338. Lily dear, what is
the meaning of this?Copy !req
339. Well, you see, dear...
It's all my fault, Pop.Copy !req
340. I didn't mail your picture to the
Father of the Year contest on time.Copy !req
341. Uncle Herman,
you would have won.Copy !req
342. I'm fully aware
of that, Marilyn.Copy !req
343. You mean you aren't going to
flip out or anything, Herman?Copy !req
344. Grandpa...Copy !req
345. I understand the
situation perfectly.Copy !req
346. A man of my mettle must
readily absorb disappointments.Copy !req
347. It was just a simple mistake.Copy !req
348. The child here failed to enter me on
time, therefore, I could not compete.Copy !req
349. Therefore, the contest went
to another man, therefore...Copy !req
350. it's an open-and-shut case.Copy !req
351. Pop, I'm glad you're not mad
at me. Son, I'm not finished.Copy !req
352. Therefore, I do not
get my new wardrobe.Copy !req
353. Therefore, I do not get
my free trip to Hawaii.Copy !req
354. Therefore, I do not get
all my other neat prizes.Copy !req
355. Therefore, I'm going to have a
tantrum. Because, you know what this is?Copy !req
356. It's dirty! Dirty! Dirty!Copy !req
357. It's rotten! Rotten! Rotten!Copy !req
358. Crummy! Crummy! Crummy!Copy !req
359. I'm certainly glad you
calmed down, Herman.Copy !req
360. When you pounded your
head against the wall...Copy !req
361. our entire chimney collapsed.Copy !req
362. I'm still a little peeved at those guys
at the university for making me think...Copy !req
363. I won the Father
of the Year contest.Copy !req
364. I wonder who they were?Copy !req
365. Spot went out and fetched
the newspaper again.Copy !req
366. Wasn't that nice of him.Copy !req
367. Will you look at this!Copy !req
368. Will you look at this!Copy !req
369. It explains who
those ninnies were...Copy !req
370. that pretended they were the
Father of the Year committee.Copy !req
371. Hmm.Copy !req
372. "Professors fired
from university...Copy !req
373. "for perpetrating hoax.Copy !req
374. "They claimed to find
a prehistoric living man.Copy !req
375. Doctored photograph
is proof of hoax."Copy !req
376. Listen to this
editorial comment.Copy !req
377. "How ignorant do
they think the public is...Copy !req
378. to believe this creature
could be walking our streets?"Copy !req
379. Well, I say it serves those
dirty little professors right.Copy !req
380. Imagine trying to pass off a
handsome specimen like me...Copy !req
381. for a prehistoric monster.Copy !req
382. It proves one thing, Herman...Copy !req
383. that this world is
full of weirdoes.Copy !req
384. You're so right.Copy !req