1. I have summoned
you all here tonight...Copy !req
2. on the stroke of midnight
for this annual Munster ritual.Copy !req
3. A ceremony which has been a
tradition in our family for over 100 years.Copy !req
4. This is a very solemn occasion.Copy !req
5. And it's all going to be decided
in the democratic manner.Copy !req
6. The fair, decent,
honest American way.Copy !req
7. Now, I want you
all to remember...Copy !req
8. no hard feelings.Copy !req
9. Whatever the results, we're
gonna abide with them...Copy !req
10. with good humor
and sportsmanship.Copy !req
11. One vote that we spend
our vacation at the beach.Copy !req
12. Another vote for the beach.Copy !req
13. Another vote for the beach.Copy !req
14. And another vote for the beach.Copy !req
15. There's still one
more, Uncle Herman.Copy !req
16. I'm not going to
read it. And why not?Copy !req
17. Because it's my vote...Copy !req
18. and I voted to go
to Buffalo Valley.Copy !req
19. And if I can't go to Buffalo
Valley, I don't want to go anywhere.Copy !req
20. And another thing,
I demand a recount.Copy !req
21. Because I say that
this election was fixed.Copy !req
22. It's just not fair, and it's nothing
but a case of crooked politics.Copy !req
23. I've been robbed.Copy !req
24. Well...Copy !req
25. now that our annual
democratic election is over with...Copy !req
26. I hope we all enjoy
Buffalo Valley.Copy !req
27. I'm sure we're all going
to enjoy it, as usual.Copy !req
28. I'm afraid I'm not going to be
able to make it, Uncle Herman.Copy !req
29. I have tests at school...Copy !req
30. and besides, everyone
knows that Buffalo Valley...Copy !req
31. is definitely no
place to meet boys.Copy !req
32. Perhaps your dear uncle is hoping
you'll meet some rich, handsome buffalo.Copy !req
33. Here we are, Mom. Number 10.Copy !req
34. Herman...Copy !req
35. do you mean you just got an
upper and a lower for the four of us?Copy !req
36. That's right, dear. You see,
that way I got the excursion rate.Copy !req
37. For goodness sakes.Copy !req
38. We'll simply have to double up.Copy !req
39. You and Grandpa
can have the upper.Copy !req
40. But, Lily... No arguments.Copy !req
41. Do you want to spoil this
miserable trip before it's begun?Copy !req
42. Now, Eddie, you run
along and get ready for bed.Copy !req
43. Don't forget to
brush your fangs.Copy !req
44. Will it be all right with
you if I go first? Certainly.Copy !req
45. Will you be a little
careful, Herman?Copy !req
46. I'm sorry.Copy !req
47. Darn!Copy !req
48. I guess I'll just have
to jump up there.Copy !req
49. Grandpa, help! Help!Copy !req
50. Oh, boy.Copy !req
51. Grandpa, quick, we're
coming to a tunnel!Copy !req
52. Hold still a minute.Copy !req
53. Okay, Herman, now. Think small.Copy !req
54. Thank you, Grandpa.
Don't mention it.Copy !req
55. You know, Herman...Copy !req
56. I wonder if I should have
stopped off at the freight yards...Copy !req
57. and bought a livestock permit
before we boarded the train.Copy !req
58. Why do you wonder that?Copy !req
59. Because I've never traveled
with a jackass before.Copy !req
60. Now, let me see. I've
forgotten which one it is.Copy !req
61. "The two men looked
up in quivering horror."Copy !req
62. It's along here somewhere.Copy !req
63. "Suddenly from
behind the curtain...Copy !req
64. "appeared the ghostlike figure
of the dear dead Lady Madeline...Copy !req
65. "still wearing the shroud,
in which she'd been buried."Copy !req
66. I think this is it.Copy !req
67. Whoops, wrong berth.Copy !req
68. Poor man must have suddenly
realized he'd passed his station.Copy !req
69. Herman, will you settle down?Copy !req
70. You almost killed me
getting undressed in here.Copy !req
71. Knock it off, Grandpa.Copy !req
72. And will you get your foot
out of the pocket of my nightie?Copy !req
73. Boy, the last time I tried to
sleep in a place this small...Copy !req
74. some guy shoveled
dirt in my face.Copy !req
75. Herman, what's the matter
now? I need a drink of water.Copy !req
76. Shuckie!Copy !req
77. No water. I'm dying of thirst.Copy !req
78. If I knew who used up the water,
I'd kill them, that's what I'd do.Copy !req
79. I'd kill them. I'd kill
them. I'd kill them.Copy !req
80. I'd kill them. I'd kill them.Copy !req
81. I'd kill them! I'd kill them!Copy !req
82. Herman, what's going
on? I don't know, dear.Copy !req
83. I didn't realize that many people
were nervous about riding on trains.Copy !req
84. It was real neat, Mom, while we
were getting dressed this morning...Copy !req
85. somebody folded up
all the beds. Yes, dear.Copy !req
86. But why did they bring
our breakfast in here...Copy !req
87. instead of letting us go to
the dining car? I don't know.Copy !req
88. They said something
about all the passengers...Copy !req
89. getting together last night...Copy !req
90. and insisting that we have
this car all to ourselves.Copy !req
91. I must say, it was very
considerate of them.Copy !req
92. Please, dear, I'm trying to read this
fascinating historical data to my son.Copy !req
93. "On the way to Buffalo Valley...Copy !req
94. "our streamliner carries us
through miles of barren desert...Copy !req
95. "the heart of the
Owagi Indian Country."Copy !req
96. "Although civilization continues
to infringe on this territory...Copy !req
97. "legend has it,
there still may be...Copy !req
98. "one or two lost Indian
tribes living in the desert."Copy !req
99. My, isn't this interesting?Copy !req
100. Sure, Pop, if you say so.Copy !req
101. "Anthropologists tell us the
sociological implications...Copy !req
102. "of various artifacts found in
this region are far-reaching."Copy !req
103. What do you think
of that, Eddie?Copy !req
104. Train must be stopping
for mail or something.Copy !req
105. Might as well get off and get a
magazine while we're waiting.Copy !req
106. No newsstand here. I guess
it must be around the back.Copy !req
107. That's funny, there's no
newsstand here, either.Copy !req
108. I guess I'll just have to
sit down and read my...Copy !req
109. fascinating travel booklet.Copy !req
110. "The warm desert sun...Copy !req
111. "coupled with the vast
expanse of wasteland...Copy !req
112. "made this area one
of unending monotony...Copy !req
113. "for the early
prospectors and settlers.Copy !req
114. "They were often lulled
into a hypnotic trance...Copy !req
115. "which no sight or
sound could penetrate."Copy !req
116. Lily.Copy !req
117. Lily.Copy !req
118. Darn!Copy !req
119. The minute a fellow's back is turned,
that sneaky old train disappears.Copy !req
120. I think that's pretty
inconsiderate, don't you?Copy !req
121. All right, don't answer
me, you old sorehead.Copy !req
122. I'll bet you used
to give sour milk.Copy !req
123. "Village, 6 miles."Copy !req
124. Well, I guess I
better head for it.Copy !req
125. That's what they always used
to do on Death Valley Days.Copy !req
126. White man speak
with forked tongue.Copy !req
127. Warriors attack wagon train.Copy !req
128. Bring back many scalp.Copy !req
129. Ah...Copy !req
130. Look, I told you
20 times, Manikoo.Copy !req
131. I can't do those cornball lines.Copy !req
132. I feel like a schnook
beating that crummy drum.Copy !req
133. Look, Wonga, I don't
dig the bit, either...Copy !req
134. but it's what the
tourists expect.Copy !req
135. We don't put on a good show, they're
not gonna come down here weekends...Copy !req
136. to spend their big heap
wampum. But, Manny, we've been...Copy !req
137. Let's face it, man...Copy !req
138. the whole tribe's going broke
with this kooky Indian village gig.Copy !req
139. We ain't even making the profit we used
to on the tomahawks and the blankets.Copy !req
140. Yeah, the Japanese
wholesaler raised the price.Copy !req
141. I know. The only answer
is to pep up the show.Copy !req
142. Knock out the rain-dance number
and put back the wagon train finish.Copy !req
143. Let's go.Copy !req
144. Powatuma speaks.Copy !req
145. Our tribe came here
many moons ago.Copy !req
146. We hunt buffalo,
we plant corn...Copy !req
147. we prosper.Copy !req
148. Yeah, Chief, that
was a long time ago.Copy !req
149. The only thing we've got going
for us now is tourists and Medicare.Copy !req
150. Ancient legend says,
prosperity returns to tribe...Copy !req
151. when Mighty Spirit
Wanitoba returns from desert.Copy !req
152. Guy Chief, that
legend's 200 years old.Copy !req
153. You don't really think there ever
was a Mighty Spirit Wanitoba?Copy !req
154. My great-grandfather
saw Spirit in vision.Copy !req
155. Carve face on totem pole.Copy !req
156. One day, great
God of Wanitoba...Copy !req
157. will return from desert.Copy !req
158. Grandpa, I'm so worried.Copy !req
159. You mean to say you and the
conductor searched the whole train...Copy !req
160. and Herman is not
on board? That's right.Copy !req
161. But I just found
another conductor...Copy !req
162. who said he saw someone
answering Herman's description...Copy !req
163. get off at Indian Flats.Copy !req
164. But that was two hours ago.
Why didn't he say something then?Copy !req
165. He said he just got up enough
courage to come out of the broom closet.Copy !req
166. I wonder what he meant by that.Copy !req
167. Anyway, we'll get to
Buffalo Valley in 10 minutes.Copy !req
168. We'll just get the next
train back to Indian Flats...Copy !req
169. and we'll start
looking for him there.Copy !req
170. Grandpa, what are we gonna
do if Pop's disappeared for good...Copy !req
171. and we never find him at all?Copy !req
172. What are we gonna do?Copy !req
173. We'll just send in
his return trip ticket...Copy !req
174. for a cash refund, that's
what we're gonna do.Copy !req
175. Must be one of those lost
Indian tribes I was reading about.Copy !req
176. Just hope it's not a mirage.Copy !req
177. I guess nobody's home.Copy !req
178. Wonder if this
place is deserted.Copy !req
179. Holy mackerel. There,
Wonga, what is it?Copy !req
180. You got me, Manny.Copy !req
181. But he's a dead ringer for
the top man on the totem pole.Copy !req
182. Legend come true.Copy !req
183. Mighty Spirit
Wanitoba, return to tribe.Copy !req
184. Ancient prophecy fulfilled.Copy !req
185. We greet Wanitoba as
the morning greets the sun.Copy !req
186. Huh.Copy !req
187. Lily, here's where Herman
got off, and there goes our train.Copy !req
188. What do we do now?Copy !req
189. Eddie! Here I am, Mom.Copy !req
190. "Village, 6 miles."Copy !req
191. Do you think he could
have started out for there?Copy !req
192. Hey, Mom, Pop did come this way.Copy !req
193. Here's this crummy travel
folder he was reading.Copy !req
194. Eddie, you're right.Copy !req
195. Come along, Grandpa.Copy !req
196. Neither blinding sun...Copy !req
197. nor burning desert sands shall
keep us from the swift pursuit...Copy !req
198. of our beloved Herman.Copy !req
199. March.Copy !req
200. Boy, things aren't crazy
enough on this trip...Copy !req
201. your mother has to go and do
a commercial for the post office.Copy !req
202. But you know that guy
who walked in here...Copy !req
203. may get this tribe a
little prosperity after all.Copy !req
204. The rest of the legend says...Copy !req
205. that if great God Wanitoba
marry Indian maiden...Copy !req
206. then crops grow, wampum
flow, everything is cool, daddy.Copy !req
207. Old green-in-the face marry
one of our Indian chicks?Copy !req
208. The Chief is arranging it now.Copy !req
209. It won't be legal or anything, but
it'll make old Powatuma happy...Copy !req
210. and beginning next
week, if it's a hit...Copy !req
211. we can stage the ceremony
three or four times a day.Copy !req
212. That'll bring the tourist
trade back with a bang.Copy !req
213. But will nausea-puss go
along with it? Are you kidding?Copy !req
214. When I told him the set-up,
you know what he said?Copy !req
215. "Gee, I always wanted to be
in the show biz. Ho, ho, ho."Copy !req
216. He may look like
Totem Pole Charlie...Copy !req
217. but underneath it all,
he's strictly Rotary Club.Copy !req
218. I think just a little bit more eye
shadow and we've got it made.Copy !req
219. Say, I took a
peek at my fiancée.Copy !req
220. I think this is gonna
be a real fun thing.Copy !req
221. Hey, Mom, I think
I see a village.Copy !req
222. There's tents and stuff.Copy !req
223. I hope so.Copy !req
224. Boy, this reminds me of the good old
days in the Transylvanian Foreign Legion.Copy !req
225. Just keep remembering...Copy !req
226. that whatever Herman's
doing, and wherever he is...Copy !req
227. he' s thinking of
his little family.Copy !req
228. Hmm.Copy !req
229. Hey, Mom, that's Pop.
He's playing Indian.Copy !req
230. I'll say. And look who
he's playing Indian with.Copy !req
231. Friends of the groom.Copy !req
232. That goofball is
really getting married.Copy !req
233. Oh, you're darn right.Copy !req
234. Lily!Copy !req
235. You can bet your
chicken feathers, it's Lily.Copy !req
236. All right, Chief
Glint-In-The-Eye...Copy !req
237. we're taking the
next train home.Copy !req
238. But, Lily... Don't
"but Lily" me.Copy !req
239. Lily. Lily.Copy !req
240. Let's go, Eddie, before
your mother forgets...Copy !req
241. she's a lady and tomahawks
him into the happy hunting ground.Copy !req
242. Well, there goes
the old ball game.Copy !req
243. Yeah, but you know, Manny...Copy !req
244. I kind of feel sorry
for Chief Powatuma.Copy !req
245. He really believed that
old Indian legend. Yeah.Copy !req
246. Look at him over there, pouring
his heart out to the ancient Gods.Copy !req
247. Wanitoba...Copy !req
248. you are mighty, you are wise...Copy !req
249. but tell an old man one thing...Copy !req
250. why you send me
cockamamie Indian?Copy !req
251. But, Uncle Herman, how could
they talk you into getting married?Copy !req
252. I don't know. Those
nice Indian fellows said...Copy !req
253. I'd help bring prosperity to the tribe
and they made a big fuss over me.Copy !req
254. Heck...Copy !req
255. for the first time in my
life, I felt really important.Copy !req
256. Important?Copy !req
257. So when those nice Indian fellows
presented me with a headdress...Copy !req
258. and all that groovy war
paint and everything...Copy !req
259. gee, I felt like
a big movie star.Copy !req
260. Like Jack Lemmon,
or Sal Mineo even.Copy !req
261. I guess that's why I did it.Copy !req
262. You know something,
Herman, that even gets me.Copy !req
263. Hermie...Copy !req
264. I didn't know that
you felt that way.Copy !req
265. And I want to apologize
right now for misjudging you.Copy !req
266. I know you didn't really
care about that Indian girl.Copy !req
267. Why, certainly not,
dear. Why would I?Copy !req
268. I mean, I've got a real
going squaw like you at home.Copy !req
269. Can I ask you something,
dear? Anything, dear.Copy !req
270. You want to Indian wrestle?Copy !req