1. Eddie Munster, we
see you up there.Copy !req
2. Get down here this instant.Copy !req
3. If I come down there, I'm gonna
get it, and I don't wanna get it.Copy !req
4. Now, Eddie, hear this,
this is your father speaking.Copy !req
5. We want you to come
down immediately.Copy !req
6. We want to discuss why you
were sent home from school.Copy !req
7. Uh-uh.Copy !req
8. Eddie, stop it.Copy !req
9. All right, if that's the way you
want to play it, here I come.Copy !req
10. Got you!Copy !req
11. All right, young man. You
were sent home from school.Copy !req
12. Suppose you tell your
father exactly what happened.Copy !req
13. I was gambling.Copy !req
14. Gambling?Copy !req
15. The teacher caught me
pitching pennies with Jeff Miller.Copy !req
16. Pitching pennies!Copy !req
17. My son, gambling!Copy !req
18. Eddie Munster, what do you
think you can gain by that?Copy !req
19. I won. I gained 30 cents.Copy !req
20. No, Eddie! That 30 cents,
son, was tainted money.Copy !req
21. And I'm going to
teach you a lesson...Copy !req
22. that is going to
stay with you...Copy !req
23. for the rest of your life.Copy !req
24. And after I'm
through with you...Copy !req
25. you're never going to gamble
again as long as you live.Copy !req
26. How much do you want to bet?Copy !req
27. I'll bet you a quarter
and I'll give two to...Copy !req
28. Herman!Copy !req
29. Golly, that was my
favorite piggy bank.Copy !req
30. I raised it from an egg.Copy !req
31. Herman, do you know that boy was
saving that money to buy his own scorpion?Copy !req
32. I am fully aware
of that, Grandpa...Copy !req
33. but this is going to be a far
greater value in the long run.Copy !req
34. To teach Eddie the
folly of gambling...Copy !req
35. I am taking this money, I
am betting it on a horse.Copy !req
36. Herman, I don't
think I like that idea.Copy !req
37. You mean to say that you are
going to go to the racetrack...Copy !req
38. and personally lay down a bet?Copy !req
39. No, that won't be necessary.Copy !req
40. There's a man down at work who
knows these two very nice fellows...Copy !req
41. who run a dry-cleaning
establishment...Copy !req
42. and as a service
to their customers...Copy !req
43. they take bets on
horse races on the side.Copy !req
44. A dry-cleaning establishment?Copy !req
45. A bookie joint!Copy !req
46. No, it's just a
place of business.Copy !req
47. Some stores give trading
stamps, they take bets on races.Copy !req
48. Now, let's see.Copy !req
49. To pick a loser.Copy !req
50. Herman, why don't you
let Lily pick one for you?Copy !req
51. She picked a loser
when she married you.Copy !req
52. Grandpa!Copy !req
53. Oh.Copy !req
54. Here we are, Blue Belle.Copy !req
55. "Odds, 30-to-1.Copy !req
56. "Handicapper's comment:Copy !req
57. "Last workout,
horse was clocked...Copy !req
58. with a calendar
instead of a stopwatch."Copy !req
59. Perfect.Copy !req
60. What a lesson this is
going to be to you, Eddie.Copy !req
61. Winning the second race,
and paying $14.20, $7.80.Copy !req
62. And now, here are the...Copy !req
63. Hey, take a look at this.Copy !req
64. Mystery to track. First, on
the meadow, in the third...Copy !req
65. it was Jim's Boy paying $6.20.Copy !req
66. In the fourth...Copy !req
67. Looks like the boys from the East
Side have sent over one of their goons.Copy !req
68. In the old days, we used to pull out
better looking guys out of the river.Copy !req
69. Check him out. Keep him covered,
Lefty. Could be a bomb in that sack.Copy !req
70. Good morning, sir. Hi.Copy !req
71. I'd like to have these
slacks cleaned and pressed.Copy !req
72. I feel that, since you people
are accommodating enough...Copy !req
73. to take bets on
the horse races...Copy !req
74. that I should bring
you a little business.Copy !req
75. Now, here you go.Copy !req
76. I'd like to place
this entire $10...Copy !req
77. on Blue Belle in the third race.Copy !req
78. Blue Belle?Copy !req
79. I know it's a wicked
waste of money...Copy !req
80. but, you see, I have
my little scheme.Copy !req
81. When will the slacks be ready?Copy !req
82. Friday afternoon. The same
time your horse comes in.Copy !req
83. Hurry up, Eddie. Tune in
the race. It's on right now.Copy !req
84. I wonder how far out of
the money it's going to run.Copy !req
85. It's Indian Guide in
front by two lengths...Copy !req
86. Prince Charming is
second, High Stepper is third.Copy !req
87. And coming out of the
starting gate is Blue Belle.Copy !req
88. Oh, no! That's my horse!Copy !req
89. Just coming out
of the starting gate.Copy !req
90. What a lesson
this is going to be.Copy !req
91. Prince Charming is second,
Indian Guide is third...Copy !req
92. Jerry Boy, and twenty
lengths behind, Blue Belle.Copy !req
93. This is beautiful.Copy !req
94. Indian Guide is second and
up on the outside is Blue Belle.Copy !req
95. It's Blue Belle in the lead...Copy !req
96. and crossing the line to finish
to win by a nose is Blue Belle.Copy !req
97. Yeah!Copy !req
98. What happened? He won.Copy !req
99. Some rotten lesson
you're teaching my son!Copy !req
100. Blue Belle's paid
$68.40 to win...Copy !req
101. $29.80 to place, $18.60 to show.Copy !req
102. Eddie, turn the radio off.Copy !req
103. Congratulations, Eddie.Copy !req
104. With the $10 your
father bet for you...Copy !req
105. I figure you won over $300.Copy !req
106. $300!Copy !req
107. This whole thing
has been a freak.Copy !req
108. And to further point out
the absurdity of gambling...Copy !req
109. I'm going to take
these ill-gotten gains...Copy !req
110. and do just as any
happy gambler would do...Copy !req
111. who is flushed with success.Copy !req
112. I'm gonna bet it all on
another horse tomorrow.Copy !req
113. But, Pop.Copy !req
114. There is a very big
lesson at stake here.Copy !req
115. Uh-huh.Copy !req
116. Here's just the
horse I'm looking for.Copy !req
117. "Sad Sam.Copy !req
118. "Horse carries a
118-pounds weight...Copy !req
119. "including jockey's
lunch and flashlight."Copy !req
120. A natural.Copy !req
121. Hi, everybody.Copy !req
122. Daddy's home.Copy !req
123. Hey, Pop. Grandpa and I were
just listening to the race results...Copy !req
124. and Sad Sam won and paid $84.Copy !req
125. That's right, Herman.Copy !req
126. And with the wad you bet, I
figured you won over $14,000.Copy !req
127. What?Copy !req
128. Well, there it is.Copy !req
129. Goon boy nailed
us... for $14,364.Copy !req
130. So we forget to pay him.Copy !req
131. I say we lock up
the joint and scram.Copy !req
132. We can work out at that
teahouse on Elm Street.Copy !req
133. We'll go broke if he keeps
picking winners like that.Copy !req
134. We won't go broke if he's
picking the winners for us.Copy !req
135. This guy's either a genius
or he's got inside information.Copy !req
136. Now, we persuade him to work
for us, and we're on the gravy train.Copy !req
137. But how do we get to him?Copy !req
138. Relax, will you?
Lou can get to him.Copy !req
139. You're right, boss.
That's the answer, Lou.Copy !req
140. Hello.Copy !req
141. Lou, I've got an
assignment for you.Copy !req
142. Sure, Big Roy.Copy !req
143. Yeah, I'll do it.Copy !req
144. What kind of a
looking fellow is he?Copy !req
145. Tall...Copy !req
146. dark, dark green.Copy !req
147. Dark green?Copy !req
148. And he looks like a what?Copy !req
149. Well, sure. I'll
be glad to do it.Copy !req
150. Only I got to tell
you one thing:Copy !req
151. I better get an
extra-big bonus...Copy !req
152. at Christmas.Copy !req
153. Bye.Copy !req
154. Excuse me, miss, could
I be of some assistance?Copy !req
155. Would you, please?Copy !req
156. I can't seem to get
this silly old car started.Copy !req
157. Now, miss, no need to cry.Copy !req
158. But Daddy gets so angry...Copy !req
159. if I broke his car.Copy !req
160. Allow me.Copy !req
161. You're so clever.Copy !req
162. It was nothing, really.Copy !req
163. Now if I only didn't have
to go home and face Daddy.Copy !req
164. Well, I'm sure Daddy
will understand.Copy !req
165. But Daddy gets so mean.Copy !req
166. I know, if you'd
come home with me...Copy !req
167. maybe you could explain
to him why I'm so late.Copy !req
168. Oh, gee, I, ahem...Copy !req
169. I have to be getting in my old
heap and be driving home, too.Copy !req
170. Miss, please.Copy !req
171. Okay, I'll drive you home.Copy !req
172. You're so sweet.Copy !req
173. I know.Copy !req
174. Grandpa, I can't understand
what's keeping Herman.Copy !req
175. He's always home from
the parlor at 5:13 sharp.Copy !req
176. Well, you know how it is.Copy !req
177. Maybe he got into an argument
with one of the customers.Copy !req
178. No.Copy !req
179. No, I don't think so.Copy !req
180. He never gets any
back talk from them.Copy !req
181. Do you suppose he stopped
by that dry-cleaning place...Copy !req
182. picked up his winnings, and
then somebody robbed him?Copy !req
183. If that's what happened, I
could never forgive myself.Copy !req
184. Why? Why?Copy !req
185. Because, if it wasn't for me,
Herman never would've won a thing.Copy !req
186. You mean to say
that you... Lily.Copy !req
187. You don't think that big clod was
picking winners out of thin air, do you?Copy !req
188. You used magic to
make those horses win?Copy !req
189. But why did you do that?
To teach him a lesson.Copy !req
190. I just can't stand my son-in-law
making a big deal out of everything.Copy !req
191. He could have had a nice, easy talk
with Eddie about the evils of gambling...Copy !req
192. but no, he's got to get everybody
but the man from U.N.C.L.E. involved.Copy !req
193. You mean to say that Herman
couldn't pick a winner on his own?Copy !req
194. Lily, Herman couldn't pick a
jackrabbit out of a herd of turtles.Copy !req
195. Well, it's about time
you were showing up.Copy !req
196. Please, Daddy,
I had car trouble.Copy !req
197. This nice man
will explain it you.Copy !req
198. She's right, Daddy.Copy !req
199. Sir.Copy !req
200. You shouldn't be
too harsh with her.Copy !req
201. You'll find you'll make
a lot more headway...Copy !req
202. with a little bit of
love and affection...Copy !req
203. and understanding.Copy !req
204. Huh?Copy !req
205. Yeah.Copy !req
206. Well, thanks for seeing
she got home all right.Copy !req
207. Can I get you something.
Brandy, a cigar?Copy !req
208. No, thank you. You're very kind.Copy !req
209. But I have to be
getting home, too.Copy !req
210. Come on. I'd like to
do something for you.Copy !req
211. How about a
Scotch, gin, bourbon?Copy !req
212. Well, the sun is
over the yardarm.Copy !req
213. If you insist, I could go
for a hot fudge sundae.Copy !req
214. Well, if you do hear anything
about Herman, please let me know.Copy !req
215. Thank you,
Mr. Gateman. Thank you.Copy !req
216. What happened,
Aunt Lily? I don't know.Copy !req
217. Herman left the parlor on time.Copy !req
218. I wonder where
he could have gone.Copy !req
219. I got it.Copy !req
220. Bonzo the Clown is
appearing at the supermarket.Copy !req
221. Oh.Copy !req
222. Herman saw him last week.Copy !req
223. Oh dear, deary me.Copy !req
224. I hope he hasn't
met with foul play.Copy !req
225. Like it?Copy !req
226. I'll say.Copy !req
227. Especially with
the pecans on top.Copy !req
228. This one's even better
than the other three.Copy !req
229. Well, it's suppertime.Copy !req
230. I'd better be going. It was
very nice meeting you folks.Copy !req
231. You know something,
you're my kind of people.Copy !req
232. Now, just a minute.
Before you go...Copy !req
233. there's talk around town
you're a big winner at the races.Copy !req
234. How about you picking a winner
for me in tomorrow's races?Copy !req
235. Pick a winner? I don't know.Copy !req
236. Won't you do it for me?Copy !req
237. Well, I guess that's
the least I could do.Copy !req
238. After all, you make a
pretty neat hot fudge sundae.Copy !req
239. Here's the racing form.Copy !req
240. Pick me out a good one.Copy !req
241. All righty.Copy !req
242. Now, let's see.Copy !req
243. Eenie meenie minie moe.Copy !req
244. Here's the horse
with the go-go-go.Copy !req
245. Royal Flush!Copy !req
246. Royal Flush? That's
a terrific long shot.Copy !req
247. Are you sure about that? As
sure as I'm alive and breathing.Copy !req
248. Well, bye now. Just a second.Copy !req
249. I don't want you to leave.Copy !req
250. Huh? Oh.Copy !req
251. Well, you see, I
have to be going.Copy !req
252. I have to be picking
up my winnings.Copy !req
253. And another thing, my
family is waiting supper for me.Copy !req
254. We're having
shoofly pie tonight...Copy !req
255. and I want to get home
before all the flies are gone.Copy !req
256. What if I told you you're
not going to leave?Copy !req
257. What if you told me I
was not going to leave?Copy !req
258. Mmm.Copy !req
259. What if you told me I
was not going to leave?Copy !req
260. Well, I don't think that
would be very nice.Copy !req
261. Oh.Copy !req
262. It's the nice fellows from the
dry-cleaning establishment.Copy !req
263. Say listen, will my
slacks be ready Friday?Copy !req
264. Well, Monday would
be soon enough.Copy !req
265. You don't have to
get upset about it.Copy !req
266. Sit down!Copy !req
267. Put it there.Copy !req
268. Now listen very carefully.Copy !req
269. I'm betting $50,000 on
Royal Flush tomorrow.Copy !req
270. And just to make certain you're
not giving me the double-cross...Copy !req
271. we're keeping you right here
until after the race is over.Copy !req
272. And if Royal
Flush doesn't win...Copy !req
273. you'll be wearing
a cement overcoat.Copy !req
274. Cement?Copy !req
275. I know a lot of people think
it's going to be a cold winter...Copy !req
276. but a cement overcoat?Copy !req
277. Don't you think
that's a little heavy?Copy !req
278. Just heavy enough to sink
you to the bottom of the river.Copy !req
279. Think it over, buddy.Copy !req
280. You said your Daddy
was mean, but...Copy !req
281. Gee!Copy !req
282. All right, let's get going.Copy !req
283. Post time is 1:15 and
Royal Flush in the first race.Copy !req
284. Buddy, you've got
a great combination.Copy !req
285. Royal Flush or cement overcoat.Copy !req
286. No, Grandpa, I am going to call
the police and that's all there is to it.Copy !req
287. No, I cannot bear to spend
another sleepless day of daylight...Copy !req
288. knowing that
Herman is still missing.Copy !req
289. Could you hold off calling
them for just a little while?Copy !req
290. I've been down in the lab...Copy !req
291. and I have two brilliant
ideas I've been working on.Copy !req
292. So I'll work on the other one.Copy !req
293. There they go!Copy !req
294. It's Royal Flush breaking in the
lead with Daisy Mae and Sir Gallant.Copy !req
295. At the first turn, it's Royal Flush
still in the lead by two lengths...Copy !req
296. trailed by Daisy
Mae and Sir Gallant.Copy !req
297. Into the back stretches,
Royal Flush in front...Copy !req
298. Daisy Mae is second
and Sir Gallant.Copy !req
299. Passing the half-mile post is Royal Flush,
still leading by a length and a half.Copy !req
300. And now they're
turning into the stretch...Copy !req
301. it's Royal Flush falling
back in the pack...Copy !req
302. as Sir Gallant takes the lead.Copy !req
303. It's Sir Gallant widening
his lead with every stride.Copy !req
304. And now down to the wire,
it's Sir Gallant the winner...Copy !req
305. with Royal Flush
finishing dead last.Copy !req
306. Royal Flush! Yes.Copy !req
307. Look, he got loose. There he
is on the patio, come on, quick.Copy !req
308. Where did he go?
You don't suppose he...Copy !req
309. There he is!Copy !req
310. No!Copy !req
311. Let him have it, Lefty.Copy !req
312. I can't. He's pulled
in against the building.Copy !req
313. I need to just get
to that window.Copy !req
314. Herman! It's me, Grandpa.Copy !req
315. Ooh.Copy !req
316. I brought you an
anti-gravity pill.Copy !req
317. Take the pill.
Go ahead, take it.Copy !req
318. No matter what you do,
you can't possibly fall.Copy !req
319. Grandpa, what about
the fellow with the gun?Copy !req
320. Just take the pill,
I'll take care him.Copy !req
321. Goodbye.Copy !req
322. Get off, you stupid bat!Copy !req
323. Good boy, Grandpa.Copy !req
324. Give me his gun. Get
me a stick, I'll kill it.Copy !req
325. A stick? Shoot him.Copy !req
326. Look!Copy !req
327. Do you see there?
"Bookmaking Ring Smashed."Copy !req
328. "Courageous citizen
spills beans on mob."Copy !req
329. And it just so happens...Copy !req
330. I was the courageous
citizen who spilled his beans.Copy !req
331. Look, it says they
captured the whole mob.Copy !req
332. Big Roy, Lefty, Vic, and
somebody named Lou.Copy !req
333. I'm kind of sorry they got Lou.Copy !req
334. She makes a hot fudge
sundae that's really wizard.Copy !req
335. But gee, Pop, we
never got our winnings.Copy !req
336. No, Eddie.Copy !req
337. We forfeited those ill-gotten
gains in the interest of building...Copy !req
338. your character and integrity.Copy !req
339. Uncle Herman, you're
the greatest father image...Copy !req
340. since Lorne Greene.Copy !req