1. I'm a mad genius! A mad genius!Copy !req
2. Today, Mockingbird Heights...Copy !req
3. tomorrow, the world!Copy !req
4. Herman, is that you?Copy !req
5. Yes, dear, it's me.Copy !req
6. What's it like outside?Copy !req
7. It was miserable for a while
until I started up the walk.Copy !req
8. Then it suddenly turned nice.Copy !req
9. See? The lightning
even hit my lunch box.Copy !req
10. Sorry, dear.Copy !req
11. Grandpa will be pleased.Copy !req
12. He's been working all
afternoon on his instant weather.Copy !req
13. Say, listen, is
Eddie in bed yet?Copy !req
14. No, not yet.Copy !req
15. He's in the living room
playing with a tape recorder.Copy !req
16. One of his little
friends left it here today.Copy !req
17. Isn't that sweet? He's
recording our kitty cat.Copy !req
18. Well, that's fine, but it's
getting rather late, dear.Copy !req
19. It's time Eddie was in bed
and started lying awake all night.Copy !req
20. You're right, dear. Why don't
you go in and say good night.Copy !req
21. I'll go upstairs and get his
bed ready. All right, dear.Copy !req
22. It's such a cold, clammy night.
I think I'll prop the lid open.Copy !req
23. Okay, kitty, one more time.Copy !req
24. Eddie, time for bed, Son.Copy !req
25. In a minute, Pop.Copy !req
26. Eddie.Copy !req
27. Hey, Pop, why don't you record
your voice on the tape recorder...Copy !req
28. so you can hear what you sound
like when you're yelling at us?Copy !req
29. Not now, Son, maybe tomorrow.Copy !req
30. But I can't. I have to take this tape
recorder back to Bud Willet tomorrow.Copy !req
31. His father doesn't know
he brought it over here.Copy !req
32. Go ahead, Pop.Copy !req
33. No, Eddie, I'd be much too
embarrassed to talk into a microphone.Copy !req
34. Come on, Eddie. Up to bed.Copy !req
35. Okay. Good night,
Pop. Good night, Eddie.Copy !req
36. And horrible dreams.Copy !req
37. Testing, one, two, three.
Testing, one, two, three.Copy !req
38. Testing, one, two, three.
Testing, one, two, three.Copy !req
39. Help! Help! Lily, help!Copy !req
40. How silly, it's only us.Copy !req
41. Head for the hills!
It's King Kong!Copy !req
42. Boy, am I scary or am I scary?Copy !req
43. Herman, what are
you doing down there?Copy !req
44. Be with you in a minute, dear.Copy !req
45. Well, hurry up.Copy !req
46. Grandpa turned off the storm and
all this quiet is making me nervous.Copy !req
47. Yes, dear.Copy !req
48. Oh, that husband of mine.Copy !req
49. What could be keeping him?Copy !req
50. Sing it, Charlie. Sing it!Copy !req
51. So long, everybody.Copy !req
52. Goodbye, Eddie. You be a
rotten little boy in school today.Copy !req
53. And if you play
any rough games...Copy !req
54. be sure to protect
those dear little ears.Copy !req
55. Okay, Mom.Copy !req
56. Aren't you leaving early
this morning, Eddie?Copy !req
57. Yeah, that's on
account on the way...Copy !req
58. I gotta drop off Bud Willet's
tape recorder at his house.Copy !req
59. Well see you.Copy !req
60. Bud Willet left his
tape recorder here?Copy !req
61. Yes, he and Eddie were
playing with it yesterday.Copy !req
62. I don't think
they hurt it any...Copy !req
63. but whoever turns it on may
hear some pretty childish noises.Copy !req
64. It's a switch anyway, Dick.Copy !req
65. Yes. Who's the singer?Copy !req
66. I don't know, Bill.Copy !req
67. I got this tape in the
mail about a week ago...Copy !req
68. and it had three or
four audition tunes on it.Copy !req
69. And my kid was fooling
around with the machine...Copy !req
70. and apparently he erased
everything on it but this one.Copy !req
71. I got to admit I've never heard
it sung quite like that before.Copy !req
72. Has kind of a
out-of-this-world type quality.Copy !req
73. Yeah, and that guitar
has a new sound.Copy !req
74. You know, just for kicks, I
think I'll play it on my 6:00 show...Copy !req
75. and see if we get any reaction.Copy !req
76. You don't think it's
too corny? Too corny?Copy !req
77. With the way the music
business is today...Copy !req
78. I just hope it's corny enough.Copy !req
79. Marilyn, Eddie, dinner is ready.Copy !req
80. Here we are!Copy !req
81. Marilyn, take the chicken
back to the kitchen.Copy !req
82. I'm afraid it's not quite done.Copy !req
83. Looks good to me.Copy !req
84. Grandpa!Copy !req
85. Eddie, now I told you not to
bring that radio to the table.Copy !req
86. Turn it off!Copy !req
87. But, gee, Mom, they play
neat music on this program.Copy !req
88. And now for a sound
that's really different...Copy !req
89. here is an
unreleased recording...Copy !req
90. by an artist whose
name we don't even know.Copy !req
91. Eddie, will you do as your
mother says and turn that off?Copy !req
92. They play nothing but
rotten junk on that program.Copy !req
93. Junk is right.Copy !req
94. It sounds almost as bad as
Herman singing in the shower.Copy !req
95. Just listen to that awful voice.Copy !req
96. Will you listen to that guy?Copy !req
97. It sounds like a
werewolf with laryngitis!Copy !req
98. Yeah, you're right.Copy !req
99. Even I wouldn't want to
listen to that while I'm eating.Copy !req
100. It's the worst thing I have ever
heard. Don't you agree, Herman?Copy !req
101. Oh...Copy !req
102. Well, I...Copy !req
103. You don't mean
you're so tone-deaf...Copy !req
104. you actually like
that horrible singing?Copy !req
105. Well, gosh, I... No!Copy !req
106. No!Copy !req
107. It sounds just like...Copy !req
108. What was it, Grandpa?Copy !req
109. A werewolf with laryngitis.Copy !req
110. That's it, a werewolf
with laryngitis.Copy !req
111. Hey, how about all that mail?Copy !req
112. It's an avalanche!Copy !req
113. All of these people
requesting that crazy song.Copy !req
114. Listen to these, I just
pulled these this morning.Copy !req
115. All right.Copy !req
116. "A really different
singer." Different singer.Copy !req
117. "A simple, unaffected
voice." Simple, unaffected.Copy !req
118. "A modern-day minstrel."
Modern-day minstrel!Copy !req
119. Here's one.Copy !req
120. Hmm.Copy !req
121. "Poignant." Poignant.Copy !req
122. "Sexy." Sexy.Copy !req
123. Sexy?Copy !req
124. That's from the
old ladies' home.Copy !req
125. Sexy.Copy !req
126. You know, Bill, this could be...Copy !req
127. the biggest gimmick
we have ever had.Copy !req
128. You going to keep playing him on
the air? Day and night, I'm going to.Copy !req
129. I don't know who he is, but this
mystery singer has something.Copy !req
130. He could be the biggest
thing since Burl Ives...Copy !req
131. put a blue-tail fly in
every ear in America.Copy !req
132. Good luck.Copy !req
133. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
134. please listen carefully to the
first few bars of this next number.Copy !req
135. Oh my, there's that
terrible record again.Copy !req
136. Yes, that's the song...Copy !req
137. we've had thousands of
requests for in the past week.Copy !req
138. Ladies and gentlemen, this
station is repeating its previous offer.Copy !req
139. If the mystery singer who
made this overnight hit record...Copy !req
140. will contact this station...Copy !req
141. there's a five-year recording
contract waiting for him.Copy !req
142. Isn't that ridiculous?Copy !req
143. Offering a contract to a
no-talent bum like that.Copy !req
144. If you can identify
that singer...Copy !req
145. please, ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
146. phone this station
at Zenith 9460.Copy !req
147. That's Zenith 9460.Copy !req
148. Zenith 9460. Herman,
what are you mumbling?Copy !req
149. The telephone number
of the radio station. Why?Copy !req
150. Because it just so happens
that I'm the no-talent bum...Copy !req
151. to whom the man was referring.Copy !req
152. You mean, you were singing
that awful song on the radio?Copy !req
153. I don't believe it.Copy !req
154. I don't believe it either!Copy !req
155. Would you believe it if I
sang a few bars, Mr. Willet?Copy !req
156. Fine.Copy !req
157. He believes it.Copy !req
158. Gee, Pop, my own father
on the radio! Herman!Copy !req
159. Please, please, family, family.Copy !req
160. You must remember one
when a star is phoning...Copy !req
161. you must keep your voice down.Copy !req
162. Oh, boy!Copy !req
163. Now, about that recording
contract, Dick, baby...Copy !req
164. Yes, that was
Herman Munster's...Copy !req
165. sensational
runaway hit record...Copy !req
166. that's been in third place in the
Top 40 for two consecutive weeks!Copy !req
167. Go, baby, go!Copy !req
168. Uncle Herman, please! Come
quick. What's the matter, dear?Copy !req
169. It's Grandpa, his lightning
machine is on fire...Copy !req
170. and if you don't come down and help
him put it out, it'll just blow up the lab!Copy !req
171. Tell dear Grandpapa that I'm
much too busy to see him right now.Copy !req
172. Perhaps he could arrange an
appointment with me next Tuesday.Copy !req
173. But Uncle Herman...Copy !req
174. Will you please try and knock off
the noise? I'm trying to concentrate.Copy !req
175. Herman, it's 5:00 in the morning,
an hour past your bedtime.Copy !req
176. What on earth are you doing?Copy !req
177. I'm merely making sure
that I'll look my best...Copy !req
178. when I sing my hit
record on TV tomorrow.Copy !req
179. Television?Copy !req
180. You're going on television?Copy !req
181. That's right, dear.Copy !req
182. Mr. Willet has his
own weekly TV show...Copy !req
183. and he's been smart
enough to beg me...Copy !req
184. to appear on it tomorrow night.Copy !req
185. Herman, I know you're
handsome and loaded with charm...Copy !req
186. but you've never had any
experience in front of a camera.Copy !req
187. Have no fear, Lily.Copy !req
188. If the fans are thrilled
just by hearing my voice...Copy !req
189. imagine how they'll
flip when my face...Copy !req
190. comes right into
their living room.Copy !req
191. Lily, dear, why don't
you go to sleep?Copy !req
192. I'm going downstairs
just for a little while.Copy !req
193. I want to exercise
my golden voice.Copy !req
194. Herman's been
acting so hammy lately.Copy !req
195. I wonder what would happen
if he became a really big star?Copy !req
196. Will success spoil
Herman Munster?Copy !req
197. Heavens to Betsy.Copy !req
198. Worse still...Copy !req
199. what if he became a
singing star in pictures?Copy !req
200. Thank you.Copy !req
201. Oh.Copy !req
202. I would like to thank
all the little people...Copy !req
203. who worked so hard to
make this picture a success.Copy !req
204. I would like to thank them, but I
really can't, because I did it all myself.Copy !req
205. Of course, being
the wife of a big star...Copy !req
206. would have its compensations.Copy !req
207. Now, Mr. Munster, would
you mind telling the court...Copy !req
208. just why you're
divorcing your wife, Lily...Copy !req
209. after 100 years of marriage?Copy !req
210. Not at all.Copy !req
211. My psychiatrist advises me...Copy !req
212. that as an award-winning
box-office giant...Copy !req
213. my monumental ego
requires that I change wives...Copy !req
214. as often as I change my socks.Copy !req
215. Why that no-good,
two-timing, tone-deaf ham!Copy !req
216. I hate to do this, but we've
simply got to find some way...Copy !req
217. to nip Herman's
career in the bud.Copy !req
218. That dream I had last night was the
straw that broke the dragon's back.Copy !req
219. I know, I know.Copy !req
220. He's become such a ham,
he's impossible to live with.Copy !req
221. I asked him to sign my
report card this morning...Copy !req
222. but he said, "Please,
sonny, no autographs."Copy !req
223. Now, let me see
what we have here.Copy !req
224. "A falling star potion."Copy !req
225. "Box-office poison."Copy !req
226. Here it is. The recipe
for "Nuthin' muffins!"Copy !req
227. Nuthin' muffins? Yes.Copy !req
228. One bite out of a nuthin'
muffin is guaranteed...Copy !req
229. to turn anything
good into nothing.Copy !req
230. Do you think they'll
work? Will it work?Copy !req
231. Thirty years ago in Detroit,
a fellow ate a batch of them.Copy !req
232. The next day he sat down
and designed the Essex.Copy !req
233. Fine. Well, I'll run up...Copy !req
234. and make a whole batch
of nuthin' muffins now.Copy !req
235. Good.Copy !req
236. Oh-oh.Copy !req
237. Herman's been on a diet ever
since he found out about going on TV.Copy !req
238. He won't even touch starches.Copy !req
239. Don't you worry about it.Copy !req
240. You just go ahead and make
that batch of nuthin' muffins.Copy !req
241. Grandpa will see
that he eats one...Copy !req
242. if I have to jam
it down his throat.Copy !req
243. Herman, are you sure
you don't want a muffin?Copy !req
244. Thank you very much, dear,
but no. I'm on a very strict diet.Copy !req
245. Anyway, I want to run
over my song once...Copy !req
246. before I go down
to the TV station.Copy !req
247. All right, Herman,
anything you want.Copy !req
248. Lily.Copy !req
249. That's the signal. Load!Copy !req
250. Aim.Copy !req
251. Fire!Copy !req
252. What happened? What happened?
My voice! My voice! My golden throat!Copy !req
253. Is something amiss,
star? Grandpa, please!Copy !req
254. Help! Help! I'm
ruined! Finished! Kaput!Copy !req
255. Calm down, Herman.Copy !req
256. I can't calm down! I'm finished!
I'm finished! I'm finished!Copy !req
257. Do you hear? I'm finished!Copy !req
258. Take that! And that, and that...Copy !req
259. and that, and that, and that!Copy !req
260. Now, Poopsie, simmer down.Copy !req
261. You just have to
learn to face reality.Copy !req
262. Cancel your TV appearance!Copy !req
263. I can't! I can't! I
can't! I can't! I can't!Copy !req
264. Yes, you can, dear.Copy !req
265. Well, if I do... Yes, Herman?Copy !req
266. If I do, will you buy
me a new guitar?Copy !req
267. Of course, dear.Copy !req
268. Honest, Uncle Herman,
we did what we did...Copy !req
269. because we all love you so much.Copy !req
270. Marilyn's right, dear.Copy !req
271. We all realized that your
becoming a big recording star...Copy !req
272. was changing all those
sweet, lovable qualities...Copy !req
273. that were built into you
from the beginning...Copy !req
274. and it was turning you into
something weird and strange.Copy !req
275. Sure, Pop. No kid
wants a freak for a father.Copy !req
276. Mom and Marilyn and
Grandpa and I did what we did...Copy !req
277. because we want the guy
who makes us feel like a family.Copy !req
278. Well, golly, gee,
now that you all...Copy !req
279. put it that way, I don't
feel so badly about...Copy !req
280. losing out on a big
career and breaking...Copy !req
281. my expensive
guitar and everything.Copy !req
282. You've opened my eyes,
and I'm going to do it.Copy !req
283. I'm going to quit
the star business.Copy !req
284. Herman, I hate to say
this, you're a pretty nice guy.Copy !req
285. You're no Norman Vincent
Peale, but you're a pretty nice guy!Copy !req
286. Well, I guess that
just about sums it up.Copy !req
287. I'm gonna go up to
bed and hit the hay.Copy !req
288. No, Herman. Just a minute.Copy !req
289. Not until we sing this little
song for you. Now, ready?Copy !req
290. A-one, a-two, a-three.Copy !req