The Munsters 1x25

1. Marilyn, please.

2. Lily, dear, what are you doing?

3. I just want you to look your best at supper tonight, Herman.

4. - We're having company. - Oh.

5. Company? Good. We haven't had people in for a long time.

6. We could use some new faces around here.

7. And, Grandpa, I want you to be on your best behavior at supper.

8. Now, if you want the ketchup, would you mind not saying, "Shoot me the plasma?"

9. Okay, okay, but who's the guest?

10. I promised Eddie he could invite one of his little friends from school...

11. to spend the weekend with us.

12. Oh.

13. Hi, everybody. This is Googie Miller.

14. Googie, this is my mom. Hi.

15. Hello, Googie.

16. And this is my Cousin Marilyn. Like wow!

17. And this is my grandfather. Hi.

18. Hi.

19. What are you staring at, my little man?

20. I never seen a penguin smokin' a cigar before.

21. And this is my father.

22. Put it there.

23. I gotcha that time. Eddie?

24. Why don't you take your little friend upstairs until supper is ready.

25. Okay. Come on, Googie. So long, everyone.

26. Outgoing little fellow, isn't he?

27. I don't think he's the ideal playmate for our sweet little Eddie.

28. Well, Marilyn, it-it... you know, it may be his parents' fault.

29. Perhaps that's the way he was brought up.

30. Brought up? I've seen better things brought up out of a swamp.

31. Shh. Nevertheless, we're gonna make it a nice weekend for Googie.

32. Not me, Charlie.

33. I'm cuttin' out of here.

34. Dinner's just about ready, Herman.

35. Would you please blow out the candles? Yes, dear.

36. Grandpa, would you call the boys?

37. All right, Lily. Hey, Googie!

38. Come on, Googie!

39. Nice boy.

40. Grandpa, what are you up to?

41. Well, Lily, he has a hand buzzer.

42. Can't I pull a harmless little prank on him?

43. Put that thing away!

44. Oh, I never get to have any fun at all.

45. Boys, supper!

46. Oh, my!

47. Doesn't that look yummy?

48. The boys will be down in a minute.

49. Now, I want everyone to make a special effort to be nice to Eddie's little friend.

50. But, Aunt Lily, he's so fresh.

51. Now, now, Marilyn. Being kind to people is like investing money in the bank.

52. When we put kindness in, we get kindness back with interest.

53. Hi. Sorry we're late, Mom.

54. Oh, no, no, you're just in time.

55. Now, Eddie, you sit over there,

56. and, Googie, you sit right here.

57. Allow me, Mrs. Munster. Oh.

58. Well.

59. May I? Oh. Oh, yes.

60. Sir? Oh.

61. Thank you, son.

62. Mr. Banker, your investment just hit bottom.

63. Uncle Herman? Yes, dear.

64. I really think you ought to take that little Googie back to his parents.

65. He's a very bad boy. I agree with Marilyn.

66. But gee, Mom, he's the first kid I ever had stay over.

67. A boy like that will disturb our normal routine.

68. Oh, there's that Spot begging for food again.

69. I wish he'd stop that annoying scratching.

70. Last week, he ripped the back porch clean off.

71. Spot.

72. Spot!

73. Now, Spot, go away!

74. Spot, go away and stop... Stop scratching the door!

75. Go away! Spot!

76. Where was I? Oh, yes.

77. I think we ought to let Eddie's little friend stay.

78. It was very nice of his parents to send him over.

79. And I think it'll be most embarrassing if we take him back now.

80. Well, where's little Googie now?

81. He asked Grandpa to show him the lab. They're down there.

82. Well, I think he ought to go home before he causes any more trouble.

83. Marilyn, please!

84. I'm the head of this household, and if I say he stays, he stays.

85. When I make a decision around here, it stands up!

86. Herman, Spot sounds awfully hungry.

87. Why don't you give him some of the scraps from the table?

88. Good idea, Lily.

89. Spot, here you go.

90. I love to see an animal eat.

91. It's very nice of you to show me around your wonderful laboratory, sir.

92. Oh, think nothing of it, son.

93. And over here... here... I have my instant disguises.

94. That's a very nice one you're wearing now, sir. Yeah.

95. And over here I'm working on a new cough medicine.

96. Just one teaspoon of this stuff and you'll cough for three days.

97. Oh, isn't that exciting.

98. What's in that old chest there, sir? Oh, that?

99. That's my old army footlocker.

100. What are those? All us doughboys had our pinup pictures.

101. And over here, Googie, you see,

102. these are the chemicals that I use in my experiments.

103. Oh, my. I bet you can make instant coffee and everything with those. Yeah.

104. What's in here? Don't touch that!

105. That's nitroglycerine.

106. There's enough in there to blow up the whole neighborhood.

107. And right now, I'm working on an old formula.

108. You see, I'm trying to turn a frog into a prince.

109. Could you change me into something? Could I change you into something?

110. I could change you into any kind of beast you could mention...

111. A horse, a crocodile, a unicorn,

112. a rock-and-roll singer, a jackass...

113. I'll bet you couldn't even change me into a rabbit.

114. A rabbit? That's my easiest trick.

115. Boy, you should catch me around Easter.

116. I turn out rabbits faster than rabbits turn out rabbits.

117. - I'll bet you can't. - I'll bet I can.

118. - I'll bet you can't. - Look, Googie, I'm too busy right now.

119. But right after lunch, I'll prove it to you.

120. I'll turn you into a rabbit, and then back into, uh, whatever you are.

121. Grandpa?

122. Grandpa?

123. Is Googie down there?

124. Yes, Eddie, he's here.

125. Well, would you tell him to come up? I wanna go out and play.

126. I'm coming, Eddie.

127. Thank you, sir, for an enlightening and informative tour of your lab.

128. Maybe he's not such a bad kid after all.

129. Hey, Eddie, after lunch your Grandpa claims

130. he's gonna change me into a rabbit and back.

131. Grandpa does all kinds of neat tricks.

132. Well, I've got an idea how to play a neat trick on him.

133. Come on downtown with me. I've gotta get something.

134. I don't wanna play any tricks on Grandpa.

135. What are you talking about? He's an adult and we're kids.

136. It's our duty to do everything in our power to ruin 'em.

137. - But, Googie... - I'll see you after lunch.

138. "Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble."

139. That Shakespeare. What a cornball.

140. Eddie, have you seen Grandpa?

141. Here he comes now!

142. Grandpa!

143. - What happened to you? - Never mind what happened to me.

144. Wait till you see what happens to Googie.

145. Would you like me to step behind the curtain, sir, for the alleged magic?

146. Right. And when we open the curtain,

147. you'll be a beautiful bunny rabbit.

148. This should be very interesting. Thank you.

149. Grandpa, I don't think Lily's gonna like this.

150. Herman, please. I just wanna teach this little fellow a lesson.

151. That when his elders say they can do something, they mean it. Herman.

152. I'm ready, sir. Very good, Googie.

153. Now just sit perfectly still.

154. Abadaba abadabit.

155. Googie is now a bunny rabbit.

156. Now we shall meet the new Googie.

157. That's not a rabbit.

158. A rabbit has longer ears.

159. Gee, Grandpa, that's the neatest-lookin' trick I ever saw.

160. - Now turn him back. - Yeah, sure.

161. You know, Grandpa, you really outdid yourself.

162. It's a distinct improvement.

163. Hi, Googie. Hi.

164. Eddie, why don't you go in the house? I'm trying to concentrate.

165. Okay. Good-bye, Googie.

166. Hey, Herman. Uh, please.

167. Sit right there, Googie.

168. Don't move.

169. Herman, please!

170. Alacazamo alacazoy.

171. Turn back to a little boy.

172. Now, let's see.

173. What's the matter? I don't know.

174. The brat won't un-monkey.

175. Grandpa, you gotta do something soon.

176. If Lily finds out, she'll be upset.

177. Quiet, Herman. I'm getting ready.

178. He'll be right with you, fella.

179. Stand back. Stand back.

180. I'm going to use number XL-438.

181. This is the one that took Abraham Lincoln out of that log cabin...

182. and put him in the White House.

183. Ibbety bibbety ibbety sassie.

184. Ex post facto... Raymond Massey.

185. I did it. I did it.

186. Herman, help me up. I know it worked.

187. It takes a lot out of me, but it always works.

188. Herman, I blew the bit.

189. Come on. Come on.

190. There's only one thing to do, and you've gotta do it immediately.

191. What is it, Herman?

192. Go down to the market and lay in a big supply of bananas.

193. He thinks he changed me into a monkey. This is great.

194. There you are, Googie. It's all yours. Eddie?

195. Would you please go and play somewhere? Please?

196. But I wanna watch you change Googie back to Googie.

197. Eddie, your grandfather's busy.

198. Will you go upstairs and play?

199. Okay, but I never get to see any neat stuff.

200. How are you doing?

201. Well, according to my calculations here,

202. if we wait 30,000 years, evolution just might help solve the problem.

203. Grandpa, Googie's gotta be back in school on Monday.

204. Why don't you turn him into a frog?

205. And then turn the frog into a prince?

206. And then turn the prince back into Googie?

207. No, I've been working on that frog-prince formula for five years.

208. And all I got to show for it is a velvet suit and 400 sick frogs.

209. Eddie, psst. Hey, Eddie, come here.

210. Googie! What are you doing here?

211. I just left you in the lab eating a banana. That wasn't me.

212. That was Chimpo. I borrowed him from the pet shop.

213. That's the big joke I wanted to play on your old grandpa.

214. Well, that's a dirty trick. And I'm gonna go tell him what you did right now.

215. All right, Eddie. You go in there and do that.

216. And do you know what I'm gonna do? What?

217. I'm going in there and tell your parents this whole thing was your idea,

218. and you made me get the chimp and everything.

219. - Would you really do that? - Sure I would.

220. Now you and me are gonna hide out at the movies

221. and really drive them out of their skulls.

222. Okay, I guess I gotta.

223. But you're the meanest kid I ever knew.

224. You're a rat and a rat fink and a miserable little brat.

225. Gee, thanks, Eddie. My analyst said what I needed was recognition.

226. All right. Yes, I'll tell my Aunt Lily right now.

227. Marilyn, who was that on the phone?

228. Googie's mother. It seems they have some relatives coming tonight,

229. and they'd like it if he could come home just as soon as possible.

230. Well, that's a lucky break.

231. Now we can get rid of the little darling.

232. I think Grandpa and Herman are amusing him in the lab.

233. Herman!

234. Yes... Yes, dear?

235. Is Googie down there?

236. Oh, he's here, all right.

237. Well, Mrs. Miller phoned.

238. They're having company and they want us to bring him home as soon as we can.

239. - Bring him home, Lily? - Yes, dear. I want you to take him over.

240. Marilyn and I have to go to the market before it closes.

241. All right, dear.

242. Is everything all right down there?

243. Fine! We're having more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

244. What did you have to go and say that for?

245. I don't know. I just went "ape."

246. Herman, will you cut that out! We're in big trouble here.

247. Wait a minute. I have an idea.

248. Is Googie's suitcase still up in his room?

249. Sure, but... Listen.

250. Here's what we do.

251. Grandpa, I have the car out front. Hurry up!

252. Quiet, Herman! Oh, I sure hope this works, Herman.

253. Come on, Googie. Come on.

254. We're all going home now.

255. Oh, don't you look nice. Oh, boy.

256. It's dark outside. Chances are his parents won't notice the difference.

257. What a day! I sure got up on the wrong side of the slab this morning.

258. Come on, Herman! Let's get out of here!

259. Herman! Grandpa! We're home!

260. Uncle Herman?

261. Grandpa?

262. They're not here.

263. I guess they're delivering Eddie's little friend back to his parents.

264. Oh, thank goodness.

265. What an annoying weekend.

266. Well, when they drop little Googie off at the Millers, our troubles will be over.

267. Okay, Herman, this is the number. Let's go.

268. All right, but let's not get into a big conversation with the Millers.

269. Big conversation? All I'm gonna do is ring the bell, leave the kid and we'll fly.

270. You wait here. Come on, Googie.

271. Oh, Googie. Look what you did to your jacket.

272. Yes? We brought your son home, Mr. Miller.

273. He's a great boy. We loved having him. Good night.

274. Thank you, but won't you come in? No, thanks.

275. We have to run. Yes, we have to run.

276. Good night. Good night.

277. Googie, where are your manners? You didn't even say good night.

278. Googie!

279. Come back here, you two! What have you done to my boy?

280. Grandpa, I think he noticed the difference.

281. Come on, you big dummy. Let's head for the car.

282. Stop! Come back!

283. Help!

284. Yes, Mr. Miller, this is Mrs. Munster.

285. But I can't understand you, sir, unless you stop screaming.

286. Monkey?

287. I really don't understand.

288. All I know is that my husband left to take your little boy home...

289. Hi, Mom. Hello, Mrs. Munster.

290. - We were at the movies. - Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Miller,

291. but your son just walked in.

292. We'll bring him right... Oh, you will?

293. All right, we'll have him ready.

294. Eddie, you should have told us if you were going to the movies.

295. And, Googie, your father is so upset he's incoherent.

296. Now your parents are expecting relatives, and

297. your father is coming right over to get you.

298. So you run on upstairs and get ready. Yes, ma'am.

299. Aunt Lily?

300. I thought Uncle Herman took Googie home.

301. I don't know how he's done it, but he's goofed it again.

302. Grandpa, I'm scared. That strange car out front.

303. After what we did with Googie, do you suppose it's the police?

304. Well, it's either that or the S.P.C.A.

305. Come on. We've gotta get to the dungeon.

306. Herman, we can lock ourselves in the dungeon...

307. for 20 or 30 years till this thing blows over.

308. Oh. If we're gonna be there that long,

309. I'll need a change of socks.

310. Herman, please!

311. Mrs. Munster, I can't tell you what a shock this whole thing has been to me.

312. Well, Mr. Miller, everything is all right now.

313. And you can take him back home to see his relatives.

314. Oh.

315. They just came back for his suitcase.

316. I guess when they got a good look at him, they liked him better as a monkey.

317. Hey! Hey!

318. He's not a monkey anymore. He's changed back to a kid.

319. Boy, that Abraham Lincoln bit must have had a delayed fuse on it.

320. Grandpa, we're in the clear.

321. Well, like I said, I've got company coming. So I've got to get going.

322. That's right. I understand.

323. Would you mind coming outside for a minute, please?

324. A monkey?

325. Yes, it's a little present for you.

326. Some wise guy in white tie and tails left it at my house.

327. White tie and tails?

328. I think I know who that is.

329. Well, good night, Mr. Miller. Good night.

330. Good night.

331. Herman, Grandpa, kindly explain this.

332. He's changed back again.

333. Oh, no.

334. And I wanted to tell you that the monkey came

335. from the pet store, but Googie wouldn't let me.

336. - He said it was a funny joke. - Eddie, it's not a funny joke...

337. when it's at the expense of your poor, old, broken-down grandfather.

338. Thank you, Herman.

339. Eddie, you're getting off very easy.

340. Why, back in the Old Country, if I had done something like this,

341. my father would have bit my head off.

342. Gee, I'm sorry.

343. If you go with bad companions, some of it is bound to rub off on you.

344. Exactly. Which brings to mind a famous old quotation...

345. "He who lies down with dog,

346. gets up with fleas."

347. - Who said that, Daddy? - I'm not sure.

348. I think it was the man who trains Lassie.

349. Well, I agree. Eddie should be punished.

350. Oh, but I hate to see that awful Googie get away with this.

351. Marilyn, he shan't.

352. Tomorrow morning, I'm going over to

353. Mr. Miller's and tell him what his boy has done,

354. and point out to him that he has neglected his duty as a father.

355. I'm also gonna give him the benefit of my vast experience...

356. as a parent and a human being.

357. Thank you.

358. Herman, why don't you just telephone him and tell him now?

359. No, Lily. I wanna meet him face-to-face,

360. so he can get the full impact.

361. Hmm.

362. That little fella is sure in a hurry to get back to the pet store.