1. Ooh, my goodness!
There's your carpool.
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2. You'd really better
hurry. Yes, dear.
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3. Just like the Old Country.
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4. Does my heart good to
see a man wolf his food.
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5. Well, good-bye, everybody. Bye.
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6. Good-bye, Lily.
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7. Will you be home from
the parlor early, dear?
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8. Oh. Well, today we're
having our annual office party.
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9. Oh. Well, then be careful.
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10. Uh, those office parties
can get a little wild.
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11. Oh, y-you don't have
to worry about me, dear.
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12. I'm no water cooler Casanova.
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13. As a matter of
fact, I'm so square,
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14. I understand some of the
secretaries are starting to refer to me...
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15. as "Herman the Cube."
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16. Well, come home
as soon as you can.
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17. Eh, I'll be home
at least by 6:30.
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18. Uh, good-bye, all. Bye.
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19. You think Munster's wife will let
him stay for the office party tonight?
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20. We told him it would
be over by 6:30...
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21. That way she'll let him go.
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22. Yeah, but it won't
really get going till 9:00.
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23. Old Herman will be lucky if
he gets home by midnight.
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24. Shh. Here he comes.
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25. Hey, Mom, when's Dad
coming home from work?
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26. He wasn't here for
supper or anything.
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27. Well, you see, Eddie,
there are times...
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28. when the social
requirements of his job,
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29. and the morale of
his fellow employees,
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30. require your father's
presence after closing time.
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31. Hmm. Another office party, huh?
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32. Well, something like that. Now, don't
you think you'd better run along to bed?
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33. Okay. Have you done everything?
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34. Have you put away your
toys and brushed your fangs?
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35. Mm-hmm. All right.
That's fine, Eddie.
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36. Good night. Don't
forget Woof-Woof.
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37. Oh, of course.
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38. Good night, Grandpa.
Hmm. Good night, Eddie.
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39. Good night, Woof-Woof.
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40. Good night.
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41. Hey, Mom, can Spot
sleep in my room tonight?
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42. All right, Eddie,
but be careful.
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43. He has a slight cold,
and I don't want him
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44. to start sneezing and
set fire to the drapes.
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45. Good night. Good night.
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46. Come on, Spot! You get
to sleep with me tonight.
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47. Good boy, Spot.
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48. Ah, there's nothing more
touching than a boy and his pet.
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49. 9:00 and all's well.
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50. Correction. The
bum ain't home yet.
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51. Smart aleck.
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52. Oh, I had no
idea it was so late.
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53. Now I'm really
angry with Herman.
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54. I'm going to call him
up again and tell him off.
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55. This is Lily.
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56. What do you mean, "Lily
who"? This is your wife!
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57. Do you know the lyrics to the
second chorus of "Shortenin' Bread"?
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58. Herman Munster! I
have had enough of this!
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59. You come right home this...
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60. Now what was that, Lily?
Come on back, Hermie baby!
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61. Eh, coming, Miss Haversham.
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62. Oh, what was that, dear?
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63. Lily!
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64. Say, do you fellas know
"Moonlight on the Ganges"?
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65. Grandpa, I'm not gonna
wait around here any longer.
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66. If that cornball
Caruso calls back,
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67. you tell him I've gone to bed!
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68. Oh, I'm so mad I
could chew nails!
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69. Eh, Lily, be my guest.
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70. Thank you.
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71. Grandpa?
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72. Grandpa?
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73. Grandpa! Oh, Herman, it's you.
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74. Hi, Grandpa. I guess I
must have dozed off...
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75. while I was hanging
around waiting for you.
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76. Where's Lily? Oh, she's
upstairs waiting for you.
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77. Oh, good. I had such a
good time at the party.
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78. I'm gonna go upstairs
and tell her all about it.
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79. You know, let her in on the fun.
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80. Whoopee!
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81. Well, there he goes.
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82. In the mood she's in,
she's liable to tear him apart.
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83. Well, lucky I'm good
at jigsaw puzzles.
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84. I'd better get upstairs and hit
the slab before the trouble starts.
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85. Hmm. That's funny.
The door must be stuck.
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86. Lily?
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87. I guess she's not in there.
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88. She's in there, all right.
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89. Lily?
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90. Baby.
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91. I-It's Hermie.
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92. Now... O-O-Open the
door like a good little wifey.
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93. Lily. No more teasing.
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94. Pussycat wanna go sleepy-bye.
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95. Well, pussycat can
just go sleepy-bye...
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96. on the living room couch!
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97. E-Eh, Lily, stop it. N-No matter
what you do, I'm not coming upstairs.
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98. Lily! Lily!
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99. Oh.
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100. Cute kitty.
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101. What's that?
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102. It's that leaky faucet
in the kitchen. Hmm.
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103. I'll just ignore it.
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104. I'll shut it off.
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105. What?
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106. I'd better light a match.
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107. John Wayne never
has that trouble.
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108. Help! Help! Help!
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109. Help! Oh, good
heavens! Help! Help!
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110. Help! Help! Help!
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111. Help! Help!
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112. Pop, what happened? Help!
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113. H-Herman, Herman,
wh-what's the matter? A mouse!
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114. There was a big, mean-looking
mouse, and he was after me.
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115. Herman, will you come
down from there? Come down!
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116. He made a face at me... and he
showed his teeth and everything.
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117. Herman, look, he's all gone.
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118. Will you please go to sleep
and don't worry about anything?
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119. Don't be scared, Pop. Me and
Grandpa will be right upstairs.
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120. That's right, son. Now-Now,
get along. Get along to bed.
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121. Come on, Eddie.
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122. Good night.
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123. Oh, good night.
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124. Oh, where is everybody?
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125. Everybody's had breakfast
and gone off to school.
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126. Oh.
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127. Grandpa, would
you mind telling me...
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128. why this person is
sitting at my table?
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129. I'm waiting for breakfast.
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130. Would you tell this person that
everybody who was going to get breakfast...
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131. already had breakfast.
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132. Lily, I'm hungry!
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133. Eh, as husband, father...
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134. and head of the household,
I demand breakfast!
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135. What's this?
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136. Prune pits. Three of them.
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137. One for the father,
one for the husband...
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138. and one for the
head of the house.
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139. Eh...
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140. Grandpa, what am I going to do?
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141. I can't spend the rest of my
married life sleeping on the couch...
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142. and eating prune pits.
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143. Herman, if you give in now,
she'll have the upper hand forever.
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144. But, if you hold out,
she'll come around.
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145. That's the way to
handle women! Mmm.
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146. What are you doing?
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147. Well, just in case she
doesn't come around,
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148. I'm gonna get used
to eating prune pits.
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149. Grandpa,
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150. this is the fourth night in
a row I've slept down here!
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151. When is Lily gonna give in?
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152. Herman, I hate to say
it, but I think we're licked.
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153. I'm afraid you just don't have the
personality and warmth you used to have.
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154. In other words, my boy,
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155. in that great furnace
known as romance,
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156. your pilot light has gone out.
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157. Grandpa, you certainly have
a way with words. Thank you.
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158. But how am I gonna
turn up the burner?
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159. Wait. I think I have the answer.
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160. Here.
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161. Read this.
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162. "Is your marriage shaky?
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163. "Headed for the rocks?
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164. "See Dr. Harvey Baxter,
M.C., Marriage Counselor.
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165. Broken hearts made whole."
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166. Ah, Grandpa. Me go to
a marriage counselor?
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167. Marilyn, me go to a
marriage counselor?
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168. Yes. Well, you and Uncle Herman
are getting farther apart every day.
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169. And neither of you
are going to give in.
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170. - I think it's the only solution.
- I wouldn't know who to go to.
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171. Well, Aunt Lily, I read an
ad in the paper this morning,
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172. and so I called and I made an
appointment for you for tomorrow.
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173. The man's name
is Dr. Harvey Baxter.
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174. All right, I'll try...
on one condition...
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175. That your Uncle
Herman never knows.
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176. Now, as I was saying, my name
is Mrs. Mu... No names, please.
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177. I find that people are less
inhibited if they remain anonymous.
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178. Now then, what is your problem?
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179. Well, to begin with,
Doctor, I'm married.
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180. Don't be ashamed of it.
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181. Virtually every person who's
walked through that door...
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182. has made the same mistake.
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183. Now, tell me something
about your background.
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184. - For instance, where were you born?
- Transylvania.
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185. My father is a count.
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186. And your husband? No count.
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187. Uh, bitterness
is not the answer.
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188. I meant, where was he born?
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189. Oh, my husband was
made, Doctor, not born.
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190. Oh, oh, yes, of course.
That's, that's fine.
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191. Every woman should think
her husband is a self-made man.
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192. Oh, he had help.
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193. Now, madam, tell me,
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194. is there another woman?
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195. No, the doctor
quit after Herman.
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196. Well, e-exactly what is the
cause of your domestic trouble?
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197. Well, it all started down
at his place of employment.
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198. Ah, that is a
familiar complaint.
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199. The wife neglected for the job.
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200. I suppose he just
buries himself in his work.
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201. Oh, no, no. Not Herman.
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202. Although there have
been a few close calls.
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203. You see, Doctor,
the trouble started...
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204. when they had this
party down at the office.
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205. He didn't get home
until after 12:00.
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206. Aha! This is an old story to me.
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207. Ah, the gay playboy husband.
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208. But, fortunately, there
is an easy solution.
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209. You must go home and
apologize immediately.
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210. Me, apologize?
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211. I'm not the one who
came home in the middle
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212. of the night and sang
"doo-dah, doo-dah"...
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213. through the keyhole.
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214. If you take the first step, it will put
the burden squarely on his shoulders,
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215. and he will realize what a
loving, forgiving wife you are.
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216. Well, I'll try it.
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217. But, remember, you must
assume the role of peacemaker...
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218. and be the first to
forgive and forget.
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219. Uh, Doctor, I think your
secretary's taking a sunbath.
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220. Uh, she jumped out the window
and ran up the fire escape to the roof.
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221. Good heavens, man,
what happened to you?
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222. Well, you see, my wife
and I have had a fight.
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223. You... You should have
defended yourself, man.
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224. No one should stand still and take
a beating like that. Nobody hit me.
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225. You mean there's been
no physical violence?
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226. No, Doctor. My problems
are purely emotional.
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227. Yes. Yes, that's obvious.
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228. Sit down. Oh, thank you.
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229. Now, uh, let's begin
at the beginning.
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230. Well, my wife has locked
me out of the bedroom...
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231. and won't let me in.
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232. Naturally. But has she
done anything unusual?
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233. U-Uh, no, you don't
understand, Doctor.
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234. She's not only locked me out of
the bedroom, she won't feed me.
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235. Eh, she won't even speak to me.
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236. What was the
cause of the quarrel?
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237. Oh. Well, a few evenings ago...
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238. I stayed out rather late...
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239. for business reasons.
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240. Uh, when I got home,
my wife was disturbed.
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241. She rejected me...
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242. and made me sleep
downstairs on the couch.
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243. And, Doctor,
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244. for the last four days, the only
thing I've had my arms around...
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245. is a Woof-Woof.
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246. My advice to you is this... that
you go home at once and apologize.
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247. - Apologize?
- Exactly.
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248. At any cost you must be the one to
take the first step toward reconciliation.
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249. Do not allow your wife...
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250. to assume the
role of peacemaker.
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251. Lily, I want to talk to you.
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252. And I want to talk
to you too, darling.
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253. There's something I
want to tell you, dear.
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254. Oh, I'll be glad to listen, but I
want to tell you something first.
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255. Uh, Lily, dear,
if you don't mind,
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256. could I tell you what
I want to tell you
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257. before you tell me
what you want to tell me?
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258. Eh-Eh, no, dear.
You let me go first,
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259. because what I have to
say will save our marriage.
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260. Uh, Lily, if anyone's
gonna save our marriage,
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261. I'm gonna save our marriage.
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262. Oh, no you're not. Lily,
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263. all I'm trying to do is say
I'm sorry and apologize.
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264. You apologize? B-But
you can't apologize to me...
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265. before I have a chance
to apologize to you.
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266. Lily, all I want to be
is the peacemaker.
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267. You the peacemaker?
Oh, you big dummy!
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268. I'm going to be the peacemaker,
so get that through your thick head!
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269. Lily, will you pipe down while I'm
trying to be sweet and apologize?
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270. Ooh. That does it!
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271. I'm not gonna sit around
here a-and be apologized to...
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272. by a poor insensitive oaf!
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273. Lily! Lily!
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274. Lily!
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275. Lily!
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276. I-I'm sleeping in
our bed tonight.
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277. I am! I am! I am!
I am! I am! I am!
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278. Fiddlesticks!
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279. Oh.
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280. Thank you, son.
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281. Oh, Grandpa, why do you
keep fooling around with that...
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282. when we have such a
serious problem on our hands?
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283. Because, my dear, this is
going to solve the problem.
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284. This is a formula
for instant measles.
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285. Wait a minute. Who's
gonna have the measles?
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286. You are. But they're synthetic.
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287. No fever. No scratching.
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288. Just two happy parents reunited.
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289. Okay, Eddie, there you go. You
mean I have to drink this stuff?
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290. Drink it? What do
you mean, drink it?
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291. - Do you think that'll work?
- Certainly.
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292. When Herman and Lily
think their little boy is sick,
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293. they'll be so worried it'll
bring them back together.
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294. Oh, Grandpa,
you're a psychologist.
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295. No, I'm not. It's a trick I learned from
watching old Shirley Temple movies.
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296. Herman! Herman, come quickly!
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297. It's Eddie!
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298. Coming, dear! Coming!
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299. Lily! Lily! Lily!
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300. Lily, what is it! Oh, I
brought him in here, Herman.
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301. Look! Now, Lily, dear,
don't panic. Herman's here.
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302. We'll think of something...
together. Oh, but look at his face.
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303. Ooh. Oh, Herman.
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304. Oh, you're so kind and sweet
and precious and adorable.
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305. And-And sometimes you're
a goofball, but I love you.
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306. Oh, Lily, say that again.
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307. U-Uh, um, but this time,
dear, leave out "goofball."
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308. It is wonderful... one
minute alone with Grandpa...
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309. and his measles disappeared.
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310. Not one single mark
on that sweet little face.
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311. Oh, it's miraculous.
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312. No, Lily, I
understand it perfectly.
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313. Eddie's measles
were psychosomatic...
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314. The result of worrying
about us quarreling.
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315. Well, he'll never have
to worry about that again,
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316. will he, pussycat?
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317. Never! No more
office parties for me.
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318. From now on, I'm having
all my fun right here at home!
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