1. …to the world of the Mighty Boosh.
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2. - All right.
- How did the gig go?
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3. Oh, one of the best
we've ever done, I reckon.
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4. - Genius.
- Should have seen this guy.
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5. Throwing shapes left, right and center.
Never seen its equal.
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6. Howard was on fire.
He was improvising like a mother bitch.
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7. The crowd was going wild, Naboo.
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8. At one point I got out a bassoon. I've
never even played one before.
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9. What's going on?
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10. It's probably just some
kids mucking about.
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11. - Yeah.
- There's one of your flyers attached.
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12. There was one or two people at the gig
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13. who didn't quite get into the
spirit of things, wasn't there?
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14. There's 500 people out there.
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15. - Is there?
- You'd better get out of here.
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16. Okay, well, we'll see
you in a couple of days.
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17. You'd better make it a week.
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18. That was the worst gig
in the history of music.
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19. It wasn't that bad.
They just weren't ready for us, Vince.
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20. Do you think we'll ever be allowed
back into the city?
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21. Of course we will. We're pioneers.
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22. Give them a bit of time to catch up
with what we're about,
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23. then they'll welcome us back.
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24. Have you seen this review?
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25. Vince, we do not need the words
of reviewers to tell us what we're about.
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26. Well, that's lucky,
'cause there's no words in this one.
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27. It's just a picture of some sick
with our names underneath it.
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28. They weren't ready
for what we were trying to do, Vince.
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29. Let's just leave it there, let's move on.
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30. Yeah, I wanted to ask you about that.
What exactly were you trying to do?
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31. I was on fire, Vince,
that's all you need to know.
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32. On fire? You were leaping around
with a bassoon sellotaped to your head.
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33. Yes, sir. That's the way I move.
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34. When the hoodoo trance takes me,
that's the way I go.
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35. - The hoodoo trance?
- Yeah, I was out there.
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36. You looked like a jazz dalek.
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37. I didn't know what I was
doing, but it felt good.
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38. Well, I don't know what it was either,
but I saw the crowd.
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39. It was freaking people out.
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40. A little too sexual perhaps.
A little too sensual.
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41. I've heard that before, that my
moves can be a bit too ripe for some.
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42. Too ripe? It was like a supply teacher
at a drum and bass convention.
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43. What?
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44. I don't know how to tell you this, Howard,
but you're a bit white.
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45. Who are you? Wesley Snipes?
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46. I'll deal with this.
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47. - Good evening, squire.
- What do you want?
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48. I'll have a Flirtini, please.
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49. What?
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50. It's a kind of champagne cocktail with
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51. pineapple in it and
a little twist of lime.
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52. You London types.
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53. Coming up here with your balls all shiny.
Think you own the place.
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54. Well, you don't own this place. Jeff does.
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55. There'll be no Flirtinis here.
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56. You'll drink what Jeff drinks,
a simple, honest fisherman's drink.
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57. Great, we'll have a couple
of those then, thanks.
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58. Two maggot ciders.
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59. I'm a little bit peckish.
Have you got any olives?
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60. No.
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61. - Hummus?
- No.
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62. - Stuffed vine leaves?
- No.
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63. - Do you have any crudités at all?
- You'll eat what Jeff eats.
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64. A simple curry with
a couple of naan bread on the side.
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65. - Garlic naan?
- Aye.
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66. Great. Well, we'll be over here.
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67. Two maggot bhunas.
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68. It's a bit weird in here, isn't it?
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69. Not weird. Just different.
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70. You know, you got to get used to it.
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71. You've got to lose your
city eyes and adapt.
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72. This place could be good for us, you know.
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73. Get out of town, recharge our batteries,
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74. have some new ideas, maybe
even write a couple of new songs, eh?
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75. Pardon me, I couldn't help overhearing.
You two creative types?
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76. We're in a band. Who are you?
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77. - I'm Ramsey.
- Ramsey. Howard Moon.
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78. I love your hair. What's that about?
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79. It's your basic backcombed structure.
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80. Slightly root boosted
framing a cheeky fringe.
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81. Nice.
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82. Two bhunas with garlic naan.
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83. Colin.
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84. - Ramsey.
- What do you do?
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85. I'm a local artist.
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86. I put shells on things.
You know, like cups
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87. and telephone books, and shoes.
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88. - Cool.
- There's not too much money in it, though.
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89. - Really?
- So what are you two doing out here?
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90. Well, we hit a bit of a creative
block there, back in London,
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91. so we thought we'd take a break
from the music scene and head out here.
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92. Chill out, you know, kick back.
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93. Whenever I hit a creative drought,
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94. I go fishing out on Black Lake.
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95. - Yeah?
- Yeah, with the wind in your hair
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96. and the water flowing.
It's perfect for inspiration.
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97. That sounds great.
We could do that tomorrow.
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98. Let me let you in on a little secret.
Gather round.
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99. Not you, naan bread.
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100. The best time to go out on Black Lake
is right now.
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101. When the moon is full
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102. You and your lady friend can have
a special time together.
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103. I'll even give you a discount. Forty euro.
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104. It's a deal.
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105. The boat's tied outside on the jetty.
Listen, I've got to go, the wife's here.
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106. Ramsey?
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107. I'm coming, Matilda. Bye.
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108. This is more like it.
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109. I think that Ramsey
guy was right, you know.
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110. I'm feeling myself unwind out here.
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111. Feeling my batteries start to recharge.
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112. Yeah, I love fishing.
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113. Don't get your expectations
up though, Vince.
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114. It took me three months of solid fishing
before I even caught my first fish.
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115. It's all about relaxing and letting go.
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116. Sorry, what were you saying?
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117. It's about patience, you know,
and getting into that Zen state,
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118. wherein, the catching
of a fish is unimportant.
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119. Are you sure you've
never been fishing before?
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120. No, it's great. It's really easy.
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121. What are you using as bait?
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122. Well, I was using these
signed press shots.
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123. But, you know, I've given up on bait now.
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124. It's ridiculous,
they're just throwing themselves at me.
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125. Watch this. Come on.
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126. And you.
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127. The thing you don't understand
about fishing, Vince, right…
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128. Is it's not actually about catching fish.
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129. - I think it is.
- That's a common mistake.
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130. It's about everything else except that.
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131. It's about the ebb and flow of life,
the dancing wheel of chance.
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132. That's not fishing, that's
just thinking about stuff.
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133. Yeah, well, anyone
can catch a fish, Vince.
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134. Apart from you.
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135. Well, it's early days yet, yeah?
We'll see.
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136. Hey!
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137. I did a song.
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138. Jupiter, I did a song. You ain't got one.
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139. Yeah!
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140. Oh, I feel sick.
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141. - I'm bored.
- What do you mean, you're bored?
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142. - Haven't you caught anything yet?
- No, I haven't.
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143. I'm not leaving this lake
until I catch at least one fish.
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144. - Have one of mine.
- I don't want one of yours.
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145. You know why you haven't
caught anything yet, don't you?
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146. - Why?
- You know the old fisherman saying.
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147. "If you're too white,
the fish don't bite."
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148. Listen, Morgan Freeman,
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149. why don't you head back to dry land
and leave me some fish to catch.
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150. Oh, yeah, what, am I
going to walk on water?
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151. Emergency dinghy.
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152. Fine, I will
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153. Oh, I've gone into the future.
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154. Ain't there a foot pump in here?
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155. Oh, yeah, here it is.
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156. Oh, thanks a lot.
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157. - Hello, Vince.
- All right.
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158. - You catch all them yourself, boy?
- Yeah.
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159. A true fisherman. See, fellas?
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160. A toast to the young man.
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161. Flirtinis all round.
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162. They improvise all that, you know, Vince.
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163. - Really?
- Come sit yourself down, boy.
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164. What's your name, boy boy?
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165. - Vince.
- Vince?
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166. Good strong fisherman's name.
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167. Vince is Icelandic for hook, you know.
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168. - Really?
- Aye.
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169. - There's your Flirtini.
- Oh, cheers, mate.
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170. - Pipe?
- Yeah, why not?
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171. - Beard?
- I'm fine, thanks.
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172. - Colin.
- Lucien.
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173. How did you come by these fish then,
boy, sonny Jim, laddie, boy?
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174. Oh, you know, just dangled my rod
over the edge of the boat and just…
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175. No, no, no, no, no.
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176. You got to set the scene, spin the yarn.
That's what fishing's about.
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177. It isn't about fishing,
we ain't been fishing for years now.
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178. Old Neville over there,
he's never been fishing.
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179. It's about telling the tales.
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180. Oh, I get you. Right, watch this.
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181. It was a dark night.
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182. Argh, that's more like it, son.
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183. Ha-ha! I'm feeling rigid.
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184. I was out on Black Lake.
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185. What did you say, boy?
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186. Black Lake.
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187. Just going to go… change the barrel.
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188. You should never go out on Black Lake
when the moon be full
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189. - Why?
- Because there's something out there.
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190. Something evil.
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191. Something that goes by
the name of Old Gregg.
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192. - Who?
- Old Gregg.
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193. Legendary fish.
Some say he's half man, half fish.
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194. Others say it's more of a 70-30 split.
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195. Whatever the percentage,
he's one fishy bastard.
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196. Some say he's a ghost.
Can't catch what don't exist.
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197. Hook goes right through him.
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198. Some say he's acquired
the taste of human meat.
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199. Won't respond to conventional bait.
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200. Only way to hook him
is to use a child's toe.
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201. Some say Old Gregg
is like a big fish finger,
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202. but big like…
like a garage, as big as a garage.
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203. Imagine a fish finger
when you can see it as big as a garage.
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204. Ooh! It's enorm…
it's a big one, like that.
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205. Ah! I've got something.
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206. I've got something!
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207. Come to Papa Moon.
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208. That's it, come on.
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209. Hi, there.
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210. - Who are you?
- I'm Old Gregg.
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211. Pleased to meet you.
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212. What do you want?
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213. Maybe I should ask you the same question.
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214. What you doing in my waters?
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215. Just taking the air, you know.
Not fishing.
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216. Well, then how come this
hook's in my head, fool?
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217. It's nothing to do with me, sir.
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218. It's attached to your rod, mother ticker.
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219. Don't kill me, I've got so much to give.
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220. Easy now, fuzzy little man peach.
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221. You ever drunk Baileys from a shoe?
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222. What?
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223. Do you want to come to a club
where people wee on each other?
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224. - No.
- I'm going to hurt you.
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225. - Excuse me?
- I like you. What do you think of me?
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226. - I don't rightly know, sir.
- Make an assessment.
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227. I think you're a nice, modern gentleman.
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228. - Don't lie to me, boy.
- I'm not lying.
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229. I know what you're thinking.
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230. "Here comes Old Gregg,
he's a scaly man-fish."
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231. You don't know me.
You don't know what I got.
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232. I got something to show you.
You know what that is?
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233. That's Old Gregg's vagina.
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234. I got a mangina.
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235. I'm Old Gregg!
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236. I found this washed up on the shore.
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237. That's Howard's hat.
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238. There's no mistaking this.
This is the work of Old Gregg.
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239. - How do you know?
- He left his business card.
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240. Do you think he'll be all right?
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241. Well, I'll let the boys explain that
in the form of a song.
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242. Only one man survived an encounter
with Old Gregg and lived to tell the tale.
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243. And that's Mr. Hopkins over there.
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244. Well, I'm going to go
and ask him about it.
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245. You're welcome to try.
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246. Excuse me, when you actually
met Old Gregg, what was that like?
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247. This is useless,
I'm going to have to sort this out myself.
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248. Got a bad feeling about this.
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249. Pass it here.
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250. - Hello.
- Hey, Naboo, how are you?
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251. What do you want?
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252. Nothing.
Just thought I'd phone up for a chat.
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253. It's been great, we've been fishing.
I caught loads, yeah.
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254. Met some interesting local types.
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255. Oh, it's been a right laugh.
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256. - So what do you want?
- Nothing. I just thought I'd phone up,
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257. you know, a little catch up.
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258. - Nothing else?
- No.
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259. - All right, I'll see you later, then.
- Naboo.
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260. There was just one small thing.
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261. Here we go.
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262. Howard might have been abducted
by a sea monster.
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263. I don't believe this.
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264. - You couldn't help us out, could you?
- All right.
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265. Look, stay where you are,
I'll be there in about half an hour.
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266. Oh, cheers, Naboo, you're a diamond.
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267. Bollo, get the submarine
out of the loft, will you?
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268. Underneath the Christmas tree.
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269. What's happening?
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270. I'm Old Gregg.
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271. What?
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272. I'm Old Gregg.
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273. Where am I?
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274. Gregg's place.
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275. You've been asleep.
Do you want a little drinkie?
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276. I'll get you a drink.
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277. Do you like Baileys? Hmm, creamy.
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278. It's all cr… cream and beige.
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279. Delicious.
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280. Do you like Old Gregg's place?
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281. I got all things that are good.
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282. You've done some nice things with it.
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283. It's got this. This is good.
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284. - That's nice.
- You can have it.
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285. I'm fine, thanks.
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286. I'll keep it here for you.
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287. Well, is this the way out?
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288. Um… I better be scooting.
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289. - Hmm?
- Got meetings,
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290. and a friend of mine's waiting for me
so perhaps I should be…
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291. Why are you going?
We got everything we need here.
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292. We got Baileys, creamy,
and everything we need.
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293. - I'll get you another Baileys.
- I'm fine.
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294. - Thanks.
- I do watercolors.
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295. - Do you?
- Let me show you something.
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296. I call that one Old Gregg.
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297. I did and that one, I
call that one Old Gregg.
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298. And this one, do you
know what I call that one?
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299. - Old Gregg?
- Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
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300. I got some more. I got these two.
That one's Baileys.
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301. And that one's Baileys, but a bit bigger.
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302. And that one's as close as you can get
to Baileys without your eyes getting wet.
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303. Hmm, that is quite a portfolio
you've got going on there.
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304. But I really should be heading off,
so it's been good.
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305. We could do some watercolors together.
You and I.
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306. Well, that sounds like great fun.
Let's do it in the week then, Gregg.
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307. What do you mean?
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308. - Well, are you free Thursday at all?
- Why can't we do it now?
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309. Well, you know, I'm a busy man, Gregg.
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310. You know, I've got things to do.
Howard Moon, man about town.
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311. Do you love me?
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312. Oh, dear.
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313. Do you love me?
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314. Umm…
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315. Going to have to pretend
I didn't hear that, Gregg.
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316. Do you think you could ever love me?
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317. It doesn't really work like that, Gregg.
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318. How does it work? Tell me how it works.
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319. Well, you get to know someone,
you hang out, you…
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320. See where that goes,
this, that, the other.
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321. Eventually, you know… I don't know you.
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322. You know me.
Hmm, what about the boat times?
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323. That wasn't really a time, was it, Gregg?
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324. That was more of just an exposure.
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325. That was our first date, hmm?
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326. You pulled me up with your strong arms.
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327. Oh, dear. Look, Gregg, I don't know you.
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328. Oh, you know me, you
seen my downstairs mix-up.
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329. Yeah. I didn't ask to see that, did I?
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330. What did it mean to you to see that?
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331. - Did it mean you love me?
- No, it didn't.
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332. - Could you learn to love me?
- No, I couldn't. I don't love you.
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333. - You do love me.
- No, I don't.
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334. - You do love me.
- No, I don't.
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335. You love me and you've seen me
and you know me. I'm Old Gregg.
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336. Yeah, I know you are.
You've told me 89 times now.
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337. You must love me exactly as I love you.
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338. Well, I don't love you. And to be honest,
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339. you're starting to get
on my nerves a bit now.
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340. If anything, I find you slightly pathetic.
So deal with that.
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341. Maybe I will deal with it.
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342. Maybe I'll deal with it
the way I dealt with Curly Jefferson.
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343. You know what, Gregg,
maybe I was being a bit
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344. hasty there when I
said I didn't love you.
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345. Perhaps now, in this light,
with you in the tutu and the…
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346. Water playing off your seaweed.
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347. Maybe I could love you.
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348. Maybe I was lying because when
you do love someone, sometimes you…
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349. Say you don't because
you're playing hard to get,
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350. - playing a game.
- Games?
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351. - Yeah, I was just playing a game with you.
- Love games?
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352. That's right, love games, Gregg.
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353. Love games?
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354. Can you open a window?
I can't breathe in here.
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355. It's a submarine, you idiot.
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356. How are we ever going to find
this underwater sea cave?
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357. Look, don't worry.
Captain Bollo's on the case.
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358. Is he?
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359. You getting any readings, Bollo?
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360. He's playing Pac-Man.
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361. I'll sort this out. What you doing, Bollo?
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362. - Oh, shift over, I'm good at this bit.
- Get the apple, get the apple.
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363. The ghost is in the way.
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364. Hello?
We're supposed to be rescuing Howard.
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365. Go back for the cherry.
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366. Go back for the cherries.
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367. Well, you've put on a nice spread, Gregg.
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368. - I did home economics.
- Really.
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369. I got an A-plus. I did a crumble.
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370. The teacher said mine was the best one.
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371. Well, I'm very pleased for you.
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372. You don't look happy, Howard.
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373. You're picking up on that, are you?
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374. I could make you happy, Howard,
if only you'd let me.
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375. - Oh, not another watercolor.
- You a musician, yeah?
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376. - Yes, I am.
- But you ain't very good, are you?
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377. I'm one of the best in town.
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378. Come on, I read your reviews.
You know what your problem is?
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379. - What?
- You ain't got the funk.
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380. You're all rigid.
You're like a bread stick.
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381. You've got no rhythm.
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382. Yeah, I've heard all this
sort of stuff before, thank you.
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383. Well, maybe I can help you.
I got the funk.
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384. Yeah, I know, you're very funky, Gregg.
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385. No, no, you don't understand.
I mean, I got the funk, right here.
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386. It's in this box.
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387. You see, the funk is a living creature,
about the size of a medicine ball,
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388. but covered in teats.
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389. Came from another planet
and landed on Bootsy Collins' house.
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390. Back then Bootsy was a simple farmer,
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391. but he took one look at tall those
mauve titties and he lost his mind.
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392. He began to milk the funk.
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393. Shit, this ball
producing some sweet cream.
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394. Made himself a funk shake.
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395. Praise the Lord.
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396. He began to feel fizzy inside.
He found he could see round corners.
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397. - What the…
- Suddenly, he passed out
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398. But when he came to, baby, he was
slapping the bass guitar fast and loose
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399. like some kind of delirious funky priest
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400. Aw, yeah.
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401. Two months later, he was world
famous with his band Parliament
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402. and everybody wanted a piece of the funk.
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403. Rick Wake man, even the Bee Gees.
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404. One day, Parliament were traveling on the
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405. Mothership, fooling
around with the funk…
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406. Pass it over.
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407. …when George Clinton
kicked the funk clean overboard.
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408. Ow!
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409. Oh, man!
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410. That was July the second, 1979.
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411. The day the funk died.
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412. Two weeks later,
I found the funk in bed with a conger eel.
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413. Oh, I've been rumbled.
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414. At first, I thought it was a sea anemone,
but under closer inspection,
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415. I realized it was a funky ball of tits
from outer space.
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416. I offered to take him back to Parliament,
but he said he was done with that shit
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417. and that they never
listened to him anyway
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418. and were only interested
in his funky produce.
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419. So I let him live down
here with me in this cave.
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420. That was a nice story, Gregg.
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421. What's it got to do with
making me happy, exactly?
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422. I've got a proposition for you.
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423. We could take the funk,
make ourselves some tasty shakes.
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424. Travel the world in a band.
We'd become famous.
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425. We'd be the family funk.
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426. What? And we can get out on dry land
and get out of this place?
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427. - Yes, sir.
- Well, let's do it. Let's move, come on.
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428. - Okay.
- Let's do it.
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429. - Just one condition.
- What?
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430. That you take my sweet hand in marriage.
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431. - Oh, God.
- Think about it, Howard.
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432. Funky freedom for marriage.
You get what you want,
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433. Old Gregg gets what he wants.
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434. A strong man to hold me at night
when it's raining outside.
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435. We can get out of this cave forever?
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436. You bet your life. Do you accept?
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437. I do.
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438. Great. You've made me very happy.
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439. Old Gregg's going to pick himself out
a nice wedding dress.
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440. That's right, crack open a fresh Baileys.
I'm Old Gregg.
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441. Howard!
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442. Hey, Howard!
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443. - Oh, thank God!
- Quick, get in.
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444. Just a minute.
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445. Naboo,
I didn't know you had one of these.
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446. - Yeah, I got it second-hand.
- Nice.
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447. What's in that box?
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448. This, my friend, is something that's
going to put us back on the musical map.
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449. Right, full steam ahead.
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450. - Pretty good gig, eh?
- Yeah.
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451. We're going to bring
the funk back to London.
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452. Nothing can stop us now.
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453. I'm Old Gregg!
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454. I've got a mangina.
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