1. …to the world of the Mighty Boosh.
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2. - Hey, Bollo.
- Howard.
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3. - What are you up to tonight?
- DJ-ing at Rollerdisco.
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4. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I DJ myself.
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5. - I never seen you.
- Well, you know, I keep it low key.
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6. Work peripheries mainly, you know.
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7. Teacher training colleges,
village fêtes, that sort of thing.
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8. Little tip for you. What I do,
I stick to classic jazz when I DJ, yeah?
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9. And then, just when they're least
expecting it, drop some Weather Report in.
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10. Ow! Blows their minds.
Might want to try that yourself.
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11. I have to go now.
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12. See you later.
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13. Idiot.
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14. What's going on in here?
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15. Jazz night, Monday night, you coming?
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16. Oh, no way. I need this room tonight.
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17. - Well, you can't have it.
- Why not?
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18. Take a look at my yearly planner.
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19. - Oh, can't you cancel that?
- No, I can't cancel it.
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20. I'll be letting a lot of people down
if I did that, wouldn't I?
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21. A lot of people? Like who?
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22. - Members of the Jazz Club.
- Members of the Jazz Club?
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23. It's just you and that old gimmer Horace.
Oh, can't you blow him out?
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24. No, I can't.
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25. I'm all he's got since
his wife left him, okay?
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26. - He's on the edge as it is.
- All right.
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27. I'll have to ring the
girls, tell them it's off.
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28. What?
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29. Oh, just a couple of
Gothic girls, you know.
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30. Pretty sexy, two of them, two of us.
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31. Thought it might be fun.
Don't worry about it.
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32. I'll go round theirs,
try my luck at the Gothic three-way.
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33. Hi, Horace.
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34. Jazz is off tonight,
something's cropped up.
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35. I don't think Horace is going to be able
to make it tonight.
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36. So I'm freed up.
What time are the girls coming?
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37. Yeah, the thing is, these are Goth girls,
so there might be a bit of a problem.
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38. Why?
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39. Well, you're gonna have
to get a bit dark like me.
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40. Like you?
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41. You're the least dark
person I've ever met.
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42. You're like candy floss.
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43. You cut me open and
I'm made of Black Jacks.
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44. You're Fruit Salad, Vince,
everyone knows that.
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45. It's not Vince, I've changed my name.
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46. - What?
- It's Obsidian now.
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47. - Obsidian?
- Yeah, Obsidian Blackbird McNight.
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48. Whatever.
Inside, I'm darker than you. Yeah?
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49. There's a dark poetry to me, yes, sir.
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50. Yeah, you can blag
all that internal stuff.
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51. I'm talking about the look, you know.
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52. I mean, what are we
going to do with your hair?
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53. What's wrong with it?
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54. - It's a bit thin, isn't it?
- It's not thin, it's fine.
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55. You're not joking.
Can't even feel it, it's like brown smoke.
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56. Look, my hair is soft and gentle.
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57. I get a lot of compliments about it.
Girls like it.
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58. Yeah, not Goth girls, though.
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59. What am I going to do, then?
Can you help me out?
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60. I don't know.
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61. You must have something to boost it up.
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62. Come on, you got a BTEC
National in hair design.
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63. All right.
But lucky for you, there's this.
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64. Goth Juice, the most powerful hairspray
known to man.
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65. Made from the tears of Robert Smith.
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66. Give me some of that.
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67. Easy, you don't know what you're
dealing with here. Back off a bit.
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68. A bit more, all right.
Now, throw me that satsuma.
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69. Wow, that is some pretty powerful hold.
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70. Yeah. Right, use it sparingly, yeah?
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71. Help yourself to my wardrobe.
I'll meet you later on.
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72. - What time?
- Midnight.
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73. Hey, Naboo, I need a favor.
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74. I went to the Black Spider last night
and met these beautiful Goth girls, yeah?
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75. The thing is, I got drunk,
I kind of told them I was a warlock.
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76. So, I was just wondering,
you haven't got any magic spells
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77. or any tricks or anything, you know,
that I can impress them with?
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78. Vince, I'd love to help you
but I'm banned by shamanic law
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79. to only use my power for a noble cause.
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80. Get lost! I've seen you on your
magic carpet when you can't get a taxi.
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81. - You've seen nothing.
- I've seen everything.
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82. You try Zingo and if that don't work,
you're on the rug.
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83. Yeah, don't tell anyone
about that, will you?
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84. All right, I won't, but
maybe you can help me out.
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85. - All right, come on.
- Yes. Cheers, Naboo.
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86. Kalamanoo-huh!
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87. - This is my library of magic books.
- Wow.
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88. - What's this?
- That's Houdini's diary.
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89. I bet that lets you into a few secrets.
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90. I don't know, I can't get it open.
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91. - Look at this one.
- Don't touch that.
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92. - All right, easy.
- This is black magic. This is hardcore.
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93. - Don't mess with the occult.
- I thought it was good for you.
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94. - What?
- You know, good for your digestive system.
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95. - That's Yakult.
- Oh, yeah.
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96. - You ready? Cab's here.
- Yeah.
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97. Good.
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98. This is beige magic. It's more your level.
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99. Oh, cheers, Naboo. You're a diamond.
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100. Do you like my new watch?
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101. Nice, where did you get it?
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102. Topgoth.
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103. So are you really a sorcerer, then?
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104. Yeah.
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105. - When are we going to do some sorcery?
- Right now.
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106. Just going to call up my assistant.
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107. Ladies.
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108. Anthrax, Ebola.
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109. Howard Moon.
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110. - He's pretty dark.
- I'm the Dark Side of the Moon.
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111. That's one of mine.
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112. Howard, can I have a word?
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113. - I can't…
- What are you doing?
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114. I can't breathe.
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115. These are Goth girls, yeah?
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116. They don't like jokes, they
don't even smile, yeah?
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117. Do some dark stuff, freak them out a bit.
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118. - Went to a graveyard today.
- Yeah?
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119. Yeah. Got naked.
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120. Did a shit on a tombstone.
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121. Have you got the book, Howard?
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122. - There you go, Vince.
- Vince?
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123. I mean Obsidian Raven McBovril…
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124. - Obsidian Blackbird McNight.
- McNight.
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125. Thank you.
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126. Prepare yourselves for
some powerful magic.
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127. I've seen his work, he's pretty good.
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128. - Do you mind?
- Sorry.
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129. - Is this a joke?
- Um…
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130. Yeah, it's just a joke.
It's the wrong book.
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131. I'll just go and get the proper one.
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132. Howard, you keep things
ticking along here, yeah?
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133. I think we're well in.
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134. I killed a swan yesterday.
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135. Did a shit on it.
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136. Right on it.
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137. I'll go and check on the sorcerer,
see how he's getting on.
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138. Vince.
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139. Well done, Ali Bongo.
This is going well, isn't it?
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140. I'm dying on my ass out there.
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141. - What do you expect?
- What do you mean?
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142. - You could have shaved your mustache off.
- Why?
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143. Goths don't have mustaches.
You look like Tom Selleck.
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144. This is going nowhere, okay?
I'm bringing the mustache back.
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145. - Really?
- Yeah.
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146. Don't worry about it, all right,
because I've got an idea.
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147. Hey, isn't that Naboo's
book of black magic?
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148. - I thought you were dark.
- I am, but that's stealing.
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149. Right, then.
You girls ready for something pretty dark?
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150. Whatever.
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151. Vince, I'm not sure about this.
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152. What's wrong, Howard? You scared?
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153. No.
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154. Hello, dear.
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155. An old lady?
I'm terrified.
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156. This is rubbish.
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157. Don't go. That's the thing with summoning,
you don't know who you're going to get.
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158. It's like lucky dip.
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159. One week you get an
old lady, the next week…
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160. - Yeah, I mean, who did we have last week?
- Hitler.
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161. Hitler, yeah, we played
Pictionary with him.
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162. He was a right laugh.
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163. - He couldn't draw to save his life.
- I did a shit on him.
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164. Well done. I knew it.
You always have to spoil it, don't you?
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165. I knew I should have gone
for the Gothic three-way.
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166. It's not my fault.
You summoned up Granny Scroggins.
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167. Where is she?
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168. It's Naboo.
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169. Go on, put his book
back or he'll kill you.
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170. - Where's it gone?
- I don't know.
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171. - What are we going to do?
- Act natural.
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172. The thing I like about
jazz was the movement
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173. from bebop to modal
jazz in the late '50s,
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174. where they made more of a use
of the flat nine chord.
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175. - Very fascinating.
- And…
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176. - Hey, guys.
- Hey!
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177. How was the Rollerdisco?
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178. I was on fire, banging
out tune after tune.
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179. - Yeah. Drop any weather report?
- Get stuffed.
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180. Fair enough.
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181. Naboo, you are looking good today.
You been working out?
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182. You're looking taut, fit and svelte.
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183. We love you, Naboo.
I don't know if we mentioned that.
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184. Love what you're about, you know,
all the aspects of you.
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185. - You're a powerful character.
- Have you been going through my stuff?
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186. No.
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187. I knew it.
I told you not to mess with the occult.
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188. - Sorry about that.
- What have you done?
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189. - We might have summoned up a tiny demon.
- Demonette.
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190. I don't believe this.
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191. Hey, Naboo, sorry about that.
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192. - Get out.
- Oh, come on, Naboo.
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193. You've gone too far this time.
I'm going to have to turn my back on you.
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194. - Sorry, Naboo.
- Come on, don't be like that.
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195. Let that be a lesson to you.
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196. Right, let's sort this mess out.
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197. This is Spotlight for Demons.
They're all in here.
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198. - What are we looking for? Horns?
- No.
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199. - Green skin?
- Not really. Just a little old lady.
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200. - What?
- A harmless old woman, you know.
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201. Not this one?
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202. Yeah, that's her.
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203. I was getting quite a
good vibe off her, actually.
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204. - You summoned Nanatoo.
- Nanatoo?
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205. She's the evilest demon known to man.
She's got five stars.
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206. Is that bad?
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207. We're going to have to reverse the spell
Where's the book?
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208. Right, uh… have you
got a copy of that book?
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209. - 7,000 years old.
- Right.
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210. Yeah, Naboo, you might want to start
backing your stuff up.
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211. I don't think you realize
what you've done.
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212. If Nanatoo gets the book,
she's going to multiply.
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213. Raise an evil army of nanas.
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214. There'll be blood on the streets,
there'll be fire in the sky.
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215. You know what this means?
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216. Nanageddon!
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217. - Excuse me.
- What do you want, wrinkles?
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218. When you are the moon,
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219. the best for you can be is a full moon…
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220. And then a half moon, he's all right.
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221. But the full moon is the famous moon,
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222. and, like, three quarters,
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223. no one gives a shit about him.
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224. When does he come?
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225. Two days into the calendar month.
He's useless.
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226. Full moon, the moon.
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227. The main moon.
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228. It saddens me to see you
under these circumstances, Naboo.
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229. You have been summoned
before the Board of Shaman
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230. for the most grievous of crimes.
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231. You let the book of spells
fall into the hands of the demon Nanatoo.
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232. This is Nanageddon.
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233. - It's Nanageddon.
- Nanageddon.
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234. Nanageddon.
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235. I wasn't even there, I
was DJ-ing with Bollo.
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236. - DJ-ing with your familiar?
- Highly unorthodox behaviour, Naboo.
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237. Even for you.
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238. These two guys I live with, they tried
to use the book to impress these girls.
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239. "Oh, I'm Naboo. Nothing is ever my fault."
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240. What's it go to do with you?
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241. It's got everything to do with me,
and more to boot.
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242. - You've never liked me, have you?
- No.
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243. - And you're perfect?
- I'm pretty good.
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244. I've seen your CV, there's nothing on it.
I live my life.
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245. Live your life?
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246. You live with a couple
of doss bags and an ape.
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247. - What? You are an ape.
- Oh, well, yeah.
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248. Yeah, you've read all the books, but when
it comes to the crunch, where are you?
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249. The crunch?
How dare you speak to me of the crunch?
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250. You know nothing of the crunch,
you've never even been to the crunch.
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251. - I've been there once.
- Oh, a little day trip round the crunch.
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252. We can all go as tourists.
"Oh, that's a bit of crunch…"
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253. Shut it!
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254. Look, I'll sort it out.
Just give me more time.
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255. Well, perhaps I could
grant you an extra 24 hours.
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256. - How can you allow this?
- Here we go.
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257. He's guilty.
It is written in the Law of the Shaman
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258. that if you lose the book,
your powers will be suspended.
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259. I know this.
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260. This is an outrage.
You must do your duty.
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261. - He must be punished.
- He must be punished.
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262. Silence.
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263. - I'm afraid, on this occasion, Saboo and…
- Tony.
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264. - Tony…
- Harrison.
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265. …Tony Harrison are right.
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266. Your powers must be revoked and your
familiar impounded until further notice.
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267. - Oh, but I DJ at Fabric on Tuesday.
- Not anymore you don't.
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268. - Can I still get on the guest list?
- Maybe.
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269. And now, though it pains me to do this,
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270. we must all turn our backs upon you.
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271. Look, I'll get the book back, you'll see.
I won't let you down.
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272. I'm Naboo, that's who.
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273. Whatever.
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274. You plum, Naboo, your
powers have been revoked.
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275. Yeah? I've got a travel card.
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276. I will get that book for you, sire.
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277. But it is a dangerous mission.
I shall assign you a partner.
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278. Very well, I will go with Kirk.
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279. Kirk is not to be
trusted in these matters.
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280. Kirk is a violent and sexually
deranged being from the fourth dimension.
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281. Kirk, is it true you are still an erotic
adventurer of the most deranged kind?
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282. - Yes.
- Very well Who shall I go with?
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283. You shall go with Tony Harrison there.
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284. Oh, come on.
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285. What's your beef?
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286. He's got not legs. He can't walk.
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287. How dare you?
I come fully equipped with a papoose.
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288. If you need to move me around,
I slot in the back like a peanut.
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289. If you're against the papoose system,
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290. I've got a wheel that clicks into my chin
like a skate.
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291. What are you, a kit?
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292. Am I going to have to assemble
this Kinder Egg and take him with me?
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293. - Tony has a gift for strategy.
- A gift for strategy?
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294. That's right, I'm a unique thinker.
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295. Right, let us hear
one of Tony Harrison's stratagems.
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296. Come on, Tony. Don't let me down.
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297. I say we move with haste,
we retrieve that book,
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298. we fetch it back… in a bag,
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299. and quite quickly.
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300. Oh, dear.
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301. Just give me five minutes,
I can come up with something else.
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302. I only need pen and paper
and someone to write down my ideas.
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303. You are a knob.
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304. Oh, if I was a younger
man, I'd take you on.
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305. Come on, let's see what you've got.
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306. Look, I can't have this kind of guy
in the field when I'm trying to work.
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307. You shall go with Tony Harrison
and that is the end of it.
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308. Very well, sire. But if, when it
comes to the crunch, he lets me down,
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309. I shall hold you personally responsible.
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310. Likewise. If this prick screws up,
I'll ditch him quick smart.
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311. For somebody who looks
like a ball, you really…
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312. Sometimes I wonder at the team
I have assembled here.
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313. Oh, excuse me, sir,
could you tell me the way to Brick Lane?
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314. Yeah, sure, what you do is,
you go down there and…
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315. - You've ruined me.
- Hey, Naboo, how's it going?
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316. I told you not to look in the book, but
you had to have a little look, didn't you?
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317. - He's off his face.
- I know. What's the matter, Naboo?
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318. - They've taken away my powers.
- What?
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319. I just spent six hours
on the Northern line.
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320. - Look, Naboo, maybe we can help you out.
- You've done enough.
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321. Sorry about all this, Naboo.
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322. I'm going to have to turn my
back on you now once and for all
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323. What are we going to do?
He's in a right state.
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324. I'll tell you what we're going to do.
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325. We got him into this
and we're going to get him out of it.
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326. We're going to track down that old woman,
we're going to find that book,
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327. we're going to bring it back
and we're going to restore Naboo's powers.
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328. Yeah, but how are we
going to find that old lady?
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329. She could be anywhere.
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330. Old Comanche Indian saying,
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331. "Best way to hide a leaf is in a forest."
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332. You think she's in the forest?
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333. - You're a bit done-up, aren't you?
- Exactly, that's my look.
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334. I'm trying to look like a Nana
who was quite saucy in the '50s.
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335. - Glamour Nana.
- We're supposed to be blending in.
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336. Oh, really?
What, like you with your mustache?
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337. Listen… It's those girls.
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338. - Ladies.
- Nice outfits.
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339. Yeah, I've still got the magic.
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340. Hey, Howard, isn't that the old lady?
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341. - I don't know, they all look the same.
- It is. Leave this to me.
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342. - Listen, lady, where's the book?
- What book, dear?
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343. Don't give me the runaround,
you know what I'm talking about.
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344. - I really don't know what you mean.
- Give me it.
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345. - Howard, rough her up a bit.
- What?
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346. Go on.
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347. Howard, she hasn't got it.
It's just a selection of cakes.
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348. Sorry.
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349. - Left or right, Tony?
- Uh…
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350. - Left or right?
- All right.
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351. It's a simple question, left or right.
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352. I can't work under this kind of pressure.
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353. Great, brilliant, we've overshot.
Well done, Tony Harrison. Very good.
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354. What, we missed the turning?
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355. We're gonna have to go all the way
round now 'cause it's a one-way deal.
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356. - You absolute jerk-off.
- How dare you, you cleft?
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357. You've got one job, Tony, one job,
and that's to read the map.
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358. My navigational skills are second to none.
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359. It's just that you put the map
too far away from me.
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360. I'm sorry, Tony, I'm sorry.
I'm just used to working with people
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361. with a little bit more
than a one-foot reach.
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362. Where are we? What are we going to do?
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363. - We could ask someone.
- Who are we going to ask? The moon?
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364. That's not a bad idea.
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365. - Fine, let's ask the moon.
- Let's do it, then.
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366. One time, I saw a man looking at me,
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367. yes, with his eyes, and
then he picked up a tube
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368. and he look in the tube
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369. and he made the moon big inside the tube.
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370. The moon big inside the tube.
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371. Oh, a telescope.
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372. You see, that is why
you do not ask the moon.
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373. Listen, I took a chance, all right?
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374. We asked the moon, I didn't know
he was an alabaster retard, did I?
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375. You are a disgrace, Tony.
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376. - To be honest, I feel a little bit sick.
- Oh.
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377. - I do suffer from motion sickness.
- Oh, really, do you?
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378. You should see me on
coaches, it's even worse.
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379. - Well, that's dynamite, Tony.
- As for ferries, I'm all over the shop.
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380. When me and Mrs. Harrison go to Calais,
it's a nightmare.
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381. I'm on the deck the whole time.
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382. Take me through every
mode of transportation
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383. and how each one makes you hurl, Tony,
while we're lost so…
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384. Horses. I'm good on horses.
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385. If you can't even handle a little carpet,
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386. what are you going to do
when we come to the crunch?
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387. Oh, my word! Are we back to the crunch?
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388. - The crunch, what are you going to do?
- Oh, here we fucking go.
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389. The crunch this, the crunch that.
Why are you so obsessed with the crunch?
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390. - Do you want to know about the crunch?
- I do, yes.
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391. Because you are going to meet the crunch
a little bit before me, my friend.
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392. Oh, this is an outrage!
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393. Saboo, you slag!
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394. Good evening, ladies,
and welcome to the bingo.
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395. May I say you're all
looking lovely this evening,
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396. especially you.
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397. Anyway, let's get started…
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398. - He's a bit forward, isn't he?
- He could have been talking about me.
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399. Yeah, right.
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400. 62, avian flu, number 62.
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401. Two bloody stumps, number 11.
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402. The age I lost my virginity, number 43.
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403. - Is that her?
- Hmm?
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404. Vince, is that her?
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405. Can you be quiet?
I keep missing the numbers.
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406. Do you remember why we're here?
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407. I know, but look at those boots.
They're genius.
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408. If I get them, I'm going
to customize them.
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409. - Vince, what color was her cardigan?
- Hmm?
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410. - What color was her cardigan?
- Red.
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411. I think that's her.
I'm going to try something.
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412. - Stay there.
- Yeah, yeah.
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413. Shish, bang, boom, bally, bally, boo, boo…
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414. Number 28.
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415. Good people are dicks, number 46.
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416. Fee, fi, foo, number 32.
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417. Hmm… number 84.
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418. Howdy Doody, bouncing clown, number 75.
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419. - I'll take that.
- Who are you?
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420. - I'm from the Board of Shaman.
- I'm taking this to Naboo.
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421. Naboo? Haven't you heard, he's washed-up,
he's finished, he's a drunk.
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422. - He's a friend of mine.
- Everyone's a friend of Naboo.
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423. - Yeah, well, he's a nice man.
- He knows nothing of the crunch.
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424. - The what?
- He knows nothing of the crunch.
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425. What's that got to do with anything?
What are you doing?
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426. - That's your first slice of crunch.
- Get off.
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427. I'll slap you with the crunch.
I'll bury you in the crunch.
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428. - House!
- We have a winner.
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429. Hey, Howard, I won the boots.
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430. Oh.
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431. All the sixes, 666.
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432. Crunch time.
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433. Run!
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434. Where you going? Vince!
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435. Come on!
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436. I forgot my boots.
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437. This is an outrage!
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438. Naboo, wake up!
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439. - What's happening?
- We've got the book.
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440. - I've got a terrific hangover.
- Come on, come on!
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441. I'll make you a Resolve.
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442. Hurry up. Hurry up, Naboo, find the spell
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443. All right. Right.
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444. - It's in here somewhere, where is it?
- Hurry up.
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445. Don't kill me! I've got so much to give!
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446. "Nana Nana go away,
come again another day."
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447. No!
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448. Where's that Resolve? I've got a blinder.
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449. Look at that.
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450. - Cover shot of Goth Weekly
- Oh, yeah.
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451. - Four-page article.
- We were pretty good.
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452. Yeah, the way you got that book back
was amazing.
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453. Yeah, that was some of the best hairspray
work I've seen in a long time, sir.
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454. - Thanks.
- Well done.
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455. - Hey, Howard, it's the Goth girls.
- Of course it is.
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456. They know what we're about now.
Dark news travels fast.
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457. - We're super Goths.
- They're here.
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458. Ladies.
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459. - Hey, guys.
- After you.
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460. Don't wait up.
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