1. …to the world of the Mighty Boosh.
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2. What about this?
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3. Good.
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4. - How about this?
- Also good.
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5. What about this to travel in?
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6. Oh, magnifique.
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7. The funky Inuit?
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8. Very good.
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9. - What about this cape?
- A bit last week.
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10. I'll put that in the maybe pile.
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11. Vince, you ready?
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12. Almost there, yeah.
Narrowed it down to these two piles.
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13. You are joking, aren't you?
We're going to a cabin in the woods.
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14. - So?
- For one weekend.
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15. Yeah, I suppose.
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16. Let's try and narrow it down, okay?
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17. Do you need this tie?
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18. Yeah. The tie's a multipurpose accessory.
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19. You know, belt, schoolboy, Rambo.
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20. All right, what about this Jacobean ruff?
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21. I've got a strong feeling the Tudor look's
going to come back in while we're away.
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22. I don't want to get left behind.
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23. You'll be in the wilderness.
Who's going to know?
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24. What if someone's photographing animals,
yeah, and I'm in the back of the shot?
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25. The Internet's a powerful tool these days.
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26. Vince, you've got to be
more economical, like me.
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27. You see what I've got going on here?
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28. The multipurpose tweed utility suit.
It's all I'm taking, it's all I need.
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29. - What if you want to go swimming?
- It zips down to trunks.
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30. Well, it's easy for you, isn't it?
You haven't got any style.
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31. Do you mind?
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32. I don't buffet about
on the winds of fashion.
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33. Fashion may come and go,
Howard Moon remains where he is.
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34. Clothes avalanche!
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35. All right, that's it. One suitcase.
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36. - Naboo, are you ready?
- Nearly. What do you think, red or blue?
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37. I don't care. We're supposed
to have set off by now.
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38. What is the matter with everyone?
Did you get my itinerary?
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39. Chill out, we're going on holiday.
It's supposed to be relaxing.
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40. I'm going to have to type out a new one.
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41. - What about you, have you packed?
- Yes, I have.
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42. This is everything I need right here.
I'm wearing it.
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43. The multipurpose tweed utility suit.
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44. What if you want to go swimming?
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45. Happy? Now get ready!
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46. Oh, I didn't need to see that.
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47. - Okay, Bollo. You ready?
- Yeah.
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48. - Let's do it.
- Okay.
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49. Go on, Bollo.
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50. - Use your monkey strength.
- Come on, baby.
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51. Get your primate arms out!
Put your back into it!
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52. Bit more. Bit more. Come on.
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53. Yes!
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54. - Yes!
- Quickly, quickly!
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55. Go.
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56. Nice.
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57. Can't you put your suit back on?
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58. The zip broke.
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59. I hate the wilderness.
Can't we go to Euro Disney?
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60. I'm not spending another summer
in the Goofy Lodge, okay?
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61. I've booked us a cabin deep in the woods.
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62. - Great.
- It's good for me, actually.
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63. - Is it really?
- I'm running low on supplies.
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64. As a shaman, I can put it down
as a business trip and claim it all back.
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65. Nice.
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66. Where you find out about this cabin?
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67. A little advert in the Global Explorer.
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68. A magazine I subscribe to.
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69. - Global Explorer?
- Very inspiring stuff.
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70. I hate that magazine.
It's a sepia nightmare.
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71. I tried to read it once, it
gave me a panic attack.
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72. You heard of this?
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73. - Cheekbone?
- No.
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74. It's the most up-to-date magazine around.
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75. It's so cutting-edge,
it goes out of date every three hours.
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76. Really.
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77. You can't get it in the shops.
It's delivered by ninjas.
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78. Yeah, well, the Global Explorer
never goes out of date.
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79. There's photographs
in there that are eternally
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80. relevant to our life and times, Vince.
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81. One day I intend to be
on the cover of that magazine.
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82. What, with a tropical disease?
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83. No. With one of my photographs.
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84. What photographs?
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85. I'm building up quite a portfolio,
I'll have you know.
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86. - What, are you a photographer now?
- Yes, sir.
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87. I thought you were a jazz poet.
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88. I do many things that
you don't know about.
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89. I span the genres, Vince.
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90. They call me the Genre Spanner.
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91. They call you the Spanner.
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92. Cheekbone.
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93. Cheers.
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94. Here's a poem from the moon.
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95. Neil Armstrong walking on my face
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96. Buzz Aldrin, he walking on my face
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97. And then the third one, a spaceman
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98. Walking on my face, all on the surfaces
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99. And they looking at all the stuff
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100. That the moon has got to offer.
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101. Yeah.
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102. Here we are. What do you think of that?
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103. Is this the garage?
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104. No, this is it, Vince.
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105. Wow.
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106. Check these out.
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107. A true hunter's cabin, eh?
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108. Ah.
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109. Sorry, Bollo.
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110. That was Chinquo.
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111. He was my friend.
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112. As children we played together in forest,
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113. my father warn us, "No go too far
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114. for there are hunter at edge of forest."
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115. But Chinquo curious.
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116. He always say,
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117. "Bollo, please.
Please let us go to edge of forest."
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118. Over and over and over.
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119. And so finally, one day,
I chopped his head off.
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120. Cup of tea, anyone?
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121. Ah, yes.
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122. This is more like it.
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123. A roaring fire, cup of tea.
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124. What more do you need, eh?
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125. MTV?
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126. We're getting away from all that, Vince.
Getting away from the noise of the city.
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127. Listen.
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128. What can you hear?
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129. Your cells dying.
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130. Tranquility, Vince. The sound of nature.
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131. - I'm bored.
- Yeah, well I knew you would be.
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132. Which is why, if you turn to
page three of your itineraries,
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133. you'll find that I've prepared a short
introductory lecture on the wilderness,
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134. just to get you into the
spirit of things, okay?
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135. I've got a bad feeling about this.
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136. No kidding. Let's get out of here.
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137. - Where you two going?
- Shaman business.
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138. - Can I come with you?
- No, you've got to stay here with him.
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139. You're joking. He's insane.
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140. Look at him, he's all excited.
You can't leave him.
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141. Thanks a lot.
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142. - Hey, guys. What's happening?
- We're going to get some supplies.
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143. It's ten o'clock at night.
You're going to miss the lecture.
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144. It's the best time,
there's no one around.
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145. Oh.
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146. - Do you want anything?
- No, I'm fine, thanks.
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147. I'm getting some owl
beaks, if you're interested.
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148. Owl beaks? What for?
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149. The thing is about owl beaks is they can
restore a man's fire, if you get my drift.
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150. - I'm fine, thanks.
- Sure? A man of your age?
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151. I said I'm fine.
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152. I get you, Vince is in the room.
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153. Just get out, will you, if you're going.
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154. Right. Where were we?
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155. Get you a couple, yeah?
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156. Okay.
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157. There you go.
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158. - What's this for?
- Take notes.
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159. And then we can do a question
and answer session in the interval.
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160. - Interval?
- Yes, sir.
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161. - Are you out of your mind?
- Simmer down.
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162. Now, the life cycle of the frog.
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163. The frog is an amphibian
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164. and he lays eggs, they're called spawn,
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165. which then become tadpoles…
Dormant… Hibernation…
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166. Now the brown bear,
differing from the black bear,
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167. will hibernate for up to
three and a half months.
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168. The brown bear, obviously, three months.
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169. You can have a look at
your notes on that one.
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170. Interesting fact about those two bears,
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171. the black bear sometimes can be brown
and the brown bear can sometimes be…
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172. Black.
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173. Yes.
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174. Well, well! Lookie here!
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175. Keep back! I know Wing Chun.
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176. - You only had one lesson.
- Shut up.
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177. Cool your jets. I'm Kodiak Jack.
I own this cabin.
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178. I'm just checking in
to see how you're all settling in.
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179. Kodiak, it's Howard Moon.
We spoke on the phone this morning.
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180. The what?
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181. The telephone.
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182. Oh, oh. The talkie stick.
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183. Your voice was trapped
in there this morning.
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184. Yeah. Howard Moon.
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185. - Hello.
- Well, hello.
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186. And hellooo.
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187. What's your name, sugar dumpling?
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188. - Vince.
- Beautiful name.
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189. Well, we were just doing a lecture
on the wilderness here,
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190. you're welcome to sort
of stick around and join us.
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191. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
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192. What do you know
about that, Mr. City Balls?
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193. Well, I have read
this rather large book on the wilderness.
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194. Book?
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195. That's all you people know.
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196. Let me tell you something,
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197. this book ain't going to help you
when a grizzly bear's on the loose.
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198. It's all about experience.
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199. Have you ever had a mountain goat grab
you by the scrotum and run away with it?
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200. Then sell it on eBay a day later, huh?
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201. No.
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202. You ever been Rohypnol'd by a swan?
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203. Woke up in Cancun?
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204. No.
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205. You ever been to a tea
party with a herd of rhino?
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206. Well, I have, and it ain't purdy.
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207. Right.
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208. I've had run-ins with all these animals
and I killed 'em all
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209. I killed that one.
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210. I…
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211. Killed that one.
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212. Well…
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213. I've had some pretty
hairy moments myself, sir.
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214. Yes, sir.
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215. Oh, yeah?
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216. You got any scars to prove it?
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217. Emotional scars. Yes.
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218. Yeah? Check this out.
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219. Moose bite, 1973.
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220. Ain't nothing emotional about that.
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221. Check this out!
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222. Horn of a wildebeest ripped it wide open.
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223. Had to tie it up with my own shoestring.
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224. Yeah, big deal!
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225. You see that? Straighteners. Nicky Clarke.
Hottest you can get.
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226. Fell asleep on them while I was pissed.
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227. Jiminy Christmas.
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228. Now, can you get out please?
'Cause I want to go to bed.
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229. Oh. Yes, pardonnez-moi.
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230. Of course.
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231. I hope we meet again sometime
under different circumstances.
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232. What a character.
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233. What a freak.
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234. Mister, I was wondering
if you'd care to join me for a drink
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235. and possibly a smoke on the porch?
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236. Man to man, so to speak.
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237. Don't mind if I do, sir.
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238. Me and Jack are just going to have
a little bit of a wilderness chat.
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239. Check you in a bit.
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240. Yeah, whatever.
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241. Get some of that for me, will you, Bollo?
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242. Three for two.
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243. And when the spacemen come,
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244. they did experiments with
a hammer and a feather
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245. to see which one would land first.
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246. And, do you know, on the moon's surface,
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247. they land at exactly the same time.
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248. They could have done that with anything.
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249. Beach ball, peg, magnet,
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250. little drawing of some chicken.
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251. It don't make no difference.
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252. When you on the moon,
everything lands the same.
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253. Beautiful view, huh?
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254. Oh, yeah.
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255. You know, when I see a view like that
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256. I'm always aware of the
terrifying insignificance of mankind.
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257. And yet, at the same
time, the irrevocable
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258. connection that we all
have with the universe.
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259. You know what I think about?
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260. All the tiny animal penises all over.
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261. Anyway, I got a question for you.
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262. You two out here on your honeymoon?
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263. No, Jack. I think you've got
the wrong end of the stick there.
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264. Well, what are you doing
out here in these parts, then?
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265. Well, I'm a wildlife
photographer by trade.
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266. Just building myself up a portfolio, sir.
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267. Ah, picture box.
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268. That's me. It's in my blood, you know.
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269. Well, maybe I can help you with that.
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270. How?
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271. Well, you know, left to your own devices
out here in the forest,
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272. you'd be lucky to get a picture
of a chipmunk or a piece of moss.
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273. But I know the whereabouts of a creature
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274. that's never been seen by human eyeballs.
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275. You get a photograph
of that, you'll be famous!
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276. On the cover of some fancy magazine.
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277. See this map right here?
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278. Leads directly to the creature's lair
out on Piney Ridge.
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279. - Can I have a look at that?
- Maybe you can and maybe you can't.
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280. Can I?
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281. Well, maybe I got something you want
and maybe you got something I want.
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282. What?
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283. Well, you know, a man does get lonely
out here in the woods.
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284. No, Jack, I'm sorry.
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285. I mean, I'm a liberal guy, but I
will draw the line there, I'm afraid.
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286. Not you, dick brain.
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287. I'm talking about
hoochie-coochie pants in there.
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288. A man does have his standards.
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289. We don't often get a little, cute,
nubile princess like that around here.
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290. Usually old weather-beaten
types like yourself.
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291. I could never do that, okay?
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292. Vince's a friend of mine
so I'll bid you good night.
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293. Well, that's a shame.
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294. I guess you won't be needing a photo
of the one and only,
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295. the legendary, Yeti.
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296. How long would you need him for?
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297. Excuse me.
Are these supposed to be like this?
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298. Oh, sorry. It's burst.
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299. Bollo, get us some more jaguar tears.
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300. - They're going everywhere.
- Okay.
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301. - Just by horns and hooves.
- Oh, okay.
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302. You all right, Barry?
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303. All right, Naboo.
I haven't seen you for ages.
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304. When was it? Whikkam Caves. Quite a night.
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305. Yeah, I was out of my head that night.
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306. Sick in my turban.
You were all over the shop.
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307. I know, it was my birthday.
I was off my chops.
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308. I had two Mick Jaggers
and a line of cheap whiz.
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309. - Anyway, what you up to these days?
- Oh, I've gone freelance.
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310. You still got Bollo?
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311. Yeah, he's over there
getting me some stuff.
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312. All right, Bollo.
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313. Where's your familiar?
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314. This is Chrissie.
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315. Oh, he's lovely, this one.
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316. - I thought you had a black cat.
- I did.
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317. Doing my head in. Got myself an upgrade.
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318. I wish I could get an upgrade.
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319. Well, you should.
He's tiny, got all the latest features.
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320. Got a points card?
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321. - Bollo?
- Oh, sorry.
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322. I forgot it.
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323. See what I mean?
That's worth fifty magic carpet miles.
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324. Upgrade.
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325. - See you later, Barry.
- Here, Naboo, can I have a word?
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326. If I was you, I'd keep
yourself indoors tonight.
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327. Avoid the forest.
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328. Oh, yeah?
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329. Apparently it's breeding
night for the Yeti.
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330. I thought they were hibernating?
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331. They are, but every
25 years they come out.
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332. Look for a man to breed with.
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333. They're bloody rampant.
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334. If I was you, I'd avoid Piney Ridge.
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335. How did you find out about this?
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336. Chrissie, gets all the latest.
He's got sonar.
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337. Why didn't you tell me about this, Bollo?
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338. Well, I told you I had a bad feeling.
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339. I need details. See you later, Barry.
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340. All right there, gorgeous.
When do you knock off?
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341. Come in.
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342. Well, hello there.
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343. What do you want?
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344. Well, I brought you some flowers.
Picked 'em myself.
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345. Where's Howard?
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346. Oh, he's fine.
He just went for a walk on Piney Ridge,
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347. left us alone for a while.
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348. - What are you eating?
- Owl beaks. Do you want some?
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349. - No, I'm fine.
- Gets you in the mood.
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350. Mood for what?
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351. Purdy little thing like you
and a big old mountain man like me…
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352. - Get away from me.
- But I loves you, Vincey.
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353. You're weird. Get off me.
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354. I love my little Vincey.
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355. There you go, Nicky
Clarke, hottest you can get.
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356. - What's going on?
- I'll tell you what's going on.
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357. I've just narrowly avoided
a bumming from Grizzly Adams.
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358. Where's Howard?
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359. He went for a walk or
something up Piney Ridge.
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360. What? Have I got shit on my face?
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361. Do you think Howard
will be all right, Naboo?
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362. We're going to have to move fast
before the Yetis get him.
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363. What are they going to do to him
if they catch him?
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364. I don't even want to speak its name.
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365. All right, we'd better get to
Piney Ridge, quick smart.
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366. Well, get a move on then.
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367. Yeah. I can't drive.
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368. I can't drive, either.
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369. I thought you could.
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370. - I thought you could.
- Idiots.
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371. Did you bring your magic carpet?
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372. Howard wouldn't let me pack it.
"One suitcase."
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373. Oh, what are we going to do?
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374. Bollo?
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375. Come on, Bollo.
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376. Get your monkey anus
up at the steering wheel.
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377. Bollo no drive.
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378. - You're joking. Why not?
- Bollo lose license.
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379. When did that happen?
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380. Long time ago.
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381. It was Chinquo.
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382. As teenager we would
drive about town together.
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383. My father warn us, "No drive too fast,
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384. for there are speed camera on A49."
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385. But Chinquo crazy.
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386. He dangerous.
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387. He always say,
"Please, Bollo. Please let us go faster."
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388. Yeah, yeah, so you
chopped his head off, right?
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389. No. I chopped his feet off.
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390. Stopped him pressing accelerator.
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391. Have you got any more stories
about Chinquo, Bollo?
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392. Do you think maybe we should get Howard?
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393. What are we going to do?
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394. Piney Ridge is about
five hours away on foot.
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395. Mini cab?
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396. Cheekbone.
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397. Oh, cheers.
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398. New issue.
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399. The Jacobean ruff's back in. I knew it.
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400. Genius.
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401. Hey, mate, you can't drive, can you?
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402. - Yes.
- Yes!
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403. Speed camera!
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404. Howard!
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405. Howard!
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406. Jeez, I thought Bollo had big feet.
Look at this.
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407. Shit.
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408. Now, don't panic, anyone. I'm a shaman.
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409. We've studied Yetis, haven't we, Bollo?
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410. There's something they don't like.
What is it?
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411. - Cheese?
- No.
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412. - Lipstick?
- No.
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413. - Connect 4?
- No.
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414. Mirrors!
They're scared of their own reflection.
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415. If only we had a mirror.
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416. - What size do you need?
- What?
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417. Well, do you want a hand-held,
full length, make-up mirror?
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418. - This one's good for close-ups.
- Great, give me that.
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419. Actually, I think that was unicorns.
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420. Nice try.
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421. Kalamaloo!
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422. Cachoola, panto, tatika, sacoolo, fanto.
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423. - We thought you'd been killed.
- What? By these guys?
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424. They're peaceful.
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425. What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with your eyes?
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426. - You look weird, Howard.
- Howard.
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427. Oh, yes. I remember him.
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428. Paranoid. At odds with himself.
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429. He's gone now. Say hello to Parsley.
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430. Parsley? What's the matter with you?
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431. I feel free inside.
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432. That's great, Parsley.
Let's get out of here.
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433. Whoa, there, what's the rush?
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434. Stay awhile.
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435. This is my home now.
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436. What, in the woods?
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437. Come. Let me show you.
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438. You've gone insane.
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439. I resisted at first, but now
the rhythms of the forest flow through me,
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440. and they can flow through you, too.
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441. He's gone wrong.
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442. I know. He's in a trance.
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443. It's all part of the ritual.
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444. It's what they do before
they breed with you.
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445. - What's Bollo doing?
- Oh, he's gone too.
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446. Listen, Vince, this is Yeti magic.
Don't listen to the hippie nonsense.
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447. You're a punk, stay punk.
Think of Johnny Thunders.
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448. - Right.
- Mick and Keith. Block it out.
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449. Okay, but what about you, Naboo?
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450. Don't worry about me, I'm a shaman.
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451. My mind's like a fortress.
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452. Run for your lives!
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453. Where am I?
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454. I've got bunches!
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455. Where's my turban?
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456. It's the queen! And she's horny as hell!
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457. Run, little Vincey! I'll save you!
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458. Come here, you little Yeti-biatch!
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459. Biatch?
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460. No, no!
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461. Oh, a little to the left! Oh, yeah!
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462. Vince, I didn't get your email!
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463. Wait for me!
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464. Security to aisle seven, please.
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465. Sorry.
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466. Ooh! Flipping hell
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467. Malt loaf.
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468. - What?
- Malt loaf.
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469. - What are you talking about?
- It's what the Yetis are afraid of!
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470. Great. Just in time there, Naboo.
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471. - I had some as well It's on the GI diet.
- GI.
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472. Can we go to the Goofy Lodge next year?
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473. That's fine by me.
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474. Thank you.
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475. Good day, sir.
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476. New Global Explorer's in.
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477. I don't believe it.
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478. "Vince Noir Finds Yeti."
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479. Cool.
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480. I say, old bean,
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481. would you be kind enough
to sign a copy for my wife?
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482. No problem.
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483. Make it out to Alan.
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484. - There you go.
- Thank you.
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485. Oh, dear.
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