The Mighty Boosh: Season 2, Episode 1

Directed by Paul King

During a break at Kodiak Jack's reclusive log cabin, Kodiak tells Howard of the mythical Yeti that lives in the forest. His desire for fame and fortune gets the better of him and Howard trades Vince for directions to the Yeti's lair. However, things don't go according to plan when the Yetis kidnap Howard and Vince is propositioned by a maniac trapper.

Request examples:

!req The Mighty Boosh: Season 2, Episode 1 [02:32]
!req The Mighty Boosh: Season 2, Episode 1 [The Mighty Boosh: Season 2, Episode 1]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req The Mighty Boosh: Season 2, Episode 1 [10-11]; !req The Mighty Boosh: Season 2, Episode 1 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. …to the world of the Mighty Boosh.

2. What about this?

3. Good.

4. - How about this? - Also good.

5. What about this to travel in?

6. Oh, magnifique.

7. The funky Inuit?

8. Very good.

9. - What about this cape? - A bit last week.

10. I'll put that in the maybe pile.

11. Vince, you ready?

12. Almost there, yeah. Narrowed it down to these two piles.

13. You are joking, aren't you? We're going to a cabin in the woods.

14. - So? - For one weekend.

15. Yeah, I suppose.

16. Let's try and narrow it down, okay?

17. Do you need this tie?

18. Yeah. The tie's a multipurpose accessory.

19. You know, belt, schoolboy, Rambo.

20. All right, what about this Jacobean ruff?

21. I've got a strong feeling the Tudor look's going to come back in while we're away.

22. I don't want to get left behind.

23. You'll be in the wilderness. Who's going to know?

24. What if someone's photographing animals, yeah, and I'm in the back of the shot?

25. The Internet's a powerful tool these days.

26. Vince, you've got to be more economical, like me.

27. You see what I've got going on here?

28. The multipurpose tweed utility suit. It's all I'm taking, it's all I need.

29. - What if you want to go swimming? - It zips down to trunks.

30. Well, it's easy for you, isn't it? You haven't got any style.

31. Do you mind?

32. I don't buffet about on the winds of fashion.

33. Fashion may come and go, Howard Moon remains where he is.

34. Clothes avalanche!

35. All right, that's it. One suitcase.

36. - Naboo, are you ready? - Nearly. What do you think, red or blue?

37. I don't care. We're supposed to have set off by now.

38. What is the matter with everyone? Did you get my itinerary?

39. Chill out, we're going on holiday. It's supposed to be relaxing.

40. I'm going to have to type out a new one.

41. - What about you, have you packed? - Yes, I have.

42. This is everything I need right here. I'm wearing it.

43. The multipurpose tweed utility suit.

44. What if you want to go swimming?

45. Happy? Now get ready!

46. Oh, I didn't need to see that.

47. - Okay, Bollo. You ready? - Yeah.

48. - Let's do it. - Okay.

49. Go on, Bollo.

50. - Use your monkey strength. - Come on, baby.

51. Get your primate arms out! Put your back into it!

52. Bit more. Bit more. Come on.

53. Yes!

54. - Yes! - Quickly, quickly!

55. Go.

56. Nice.

57. Can't you put your suit back on?

58. The zip broke.

59. I hate the wilderness. Can't we go to Euro Disney?

60. I'm not spending another summer in the Goofy Lodge, okay?

61. I've booked us a cabin deep in the woods.

62. - Great. - It's good for me, actually.

63. - Is it really? - I'm running low on supplies.

64. As a shaman, I can put it down as a business trip and claim it all back.

65. Nice.

66. Where you find out about this cabin?

67. A little advert in the Global Explorer.

68. A magazine I subscribe to.

69. - Global Explorer? - Very inspiring stuff.

70. I hate that magazine. It's a sepia nightmare.

71. I tried to read it once, it gave me a panic attack.

72. You heard of this?

73. - Cheekbone? - No.

74. It's the most up-to-date magazine around.

75. It's so cutting-edge, it goes out of date every three hours.

76. Really.

77. You can't get it in the shops. It's delivered by ninjas.

78. Yeah, well, the Global Explorer never goes out of date.

79. There's photographs in there that are eternally

80. relevant to our life and times, Vince.

81. One day I intend to be on the cover of that magazine.

82. What, with a tropical disease?

83. No. With one of my photographs.

84. What photographs?

85. I'm building up quite a portfolio, I'll have you know.

86. - What, are you a photographer now? - Yes, sir.

87. I thought you were a jazz poet.

88. I do many things that you don't know about.

89. I span the genres, Vince.

90. They call me the Genre Spanner.

91. They call you the Spanner.

92. Cheekbone.

93. Cheers.

94. Here's a poem from the moon.

95. Neil Armstrong walking on my face

96. Buzz Aldrin, he walking on my face

97. And then the third one, a spaceman

98. Walking on my face, all on the surfaces

99. And they looking at all the stuff

100. That the moon has got to offer.

101. Yeah.

102. Here we are. What do you think of that?

103. Is this the garage?

104. No, this is it, Vince.

105. Wow.

106. Check these out.

107. A true hunter's cabin, eh?

108. Ah.

109. Sorry, Bollo.

110. That was Chinquo.

111. He was my friend.

112. As children we played together in forest,

113. my father warn us, "No go too far

114. for there are hunter at edge of forest."

115. But Chinquo curious.

116. He always say,

117. "Bollo, please. Please let us go to edge of forest."

118. Over and over and over.

119. And so finally, one day, I chopped his head off.

120. Cup of tea, anyone?

121. Ah, yes.

122. This is more like it.

123. A roaring fire, cup of tea.

124. What more do you need, eh?

125. MTV?

126. We're getting away from all that, Vince. Getting away from the noise of the city.

127. Listen.

128. What can you hear?

129. Your cells dying.

130. Tranquility, Vince. The sound of nature.

131. - I'm bored. - Yeah, well I knew you would be.

132. Which is why, if you turn to page three of your itineraries,

133. you'll find that I've prepared a short introductory lecture on the wilderness,

134. just to get you into the spirit of things, okay?

135. I've got a bad feeling about this.

136. No kidding. Let's get out of here.

137. - Where you two going? - Shaman business.

138. - Can I come with you? - No, you've got to stay here with him.

139. You're joking. He's insane.

140. Look at him, he's all excited. You can't leave him.

141. Thanks a lot.

142. - Hey, guys. What's happening? - We're going to get some supplies.

143. It's ten o'clock at night. You're going to miss the lecture.

144. It's the best time, there's no one around.

145. Oh.

146. - Do you want anything? - No, I'm fine, thanks.

147. I'm getting some owl beaks, if you're interested.

148. Owl beaks? What for?

149. The thing is about owl beaks is they can restore a man's fire, if you get my drift.

150. - I'm fine, thanks. - Sure? A man of your age?

151. I said I'm fine.

152. I get you, Vince is in the room.

153. Just get out, will you, if you're going.

154. Right. Where were we?

155. Get you a couple, yeah?

156. Okay.

157. There you go.

158. - What's this for? - Take notes.

159. And then we can do a question and answer session in the interval.

160. - Interval? - Yes, sir.

161. - Are you out of your mind? - Simmer down.

162. Now, the life cycle of the frog.

163. The frog is an amphibian

164. and he lays eggs, they're called spawn,

165. which then become tadpoles… Dormant… Hibernation…

166. Now the brown bear, differing from the black bear,

167. will hibernate for up to three and a half months.

168. The brown bear, obviously, three months.

169. You can have a look at your notes on that one.

170. Interesting fact about those two bears,

171. the black bear sometimes can be brown and the brown bear can sometimes be…

172. Black.

173. Yes.

174. Well, well! Lookie here!

175. Keep back! I know Wing Chun.

176. - You only had one lesson. - Shut up.

177. Cool your jets. I'm Kodiak Jack. I own this cabin.

178. I'm just checking in to see how you're all settling in.

179. Kodiak, it's Howard Moon. We spoke on the phone this morning.

180. The what?

181. The telephone.

182. Oh, oh. The talkie stick.

183. Your voice was trapped in there this morning.

184. Yeah. Howard Moon.

185. - Hello. - Well, hello.

186. And hellooo.

187. What's your name, sugar dumpling?

188. - Vince. - Beautiful name.

189. Well, we were just doing a lecture on the wilderness here,

190. you're welcome to sort of stick around and join us.

191. - Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

192. What do you know about that, Mr. City Balls?

193. Well, I have read this rather large book on the wilderness.

194. Book?

195. That's all you people know.

196. Let me tell you something,

197. this book ain't going to help you when a grizzly bear's on the loose.

198. It's all about experience.

199. Have you ever had a mountain goat grab you by the scrotum and run away with it?

200. Then sell it on eBay a day later, huh?

201. No.

202. You ever been Rohypnol'd by a swan?

203. Woke up in Cancun?

204. No.

205. You ever been to a tea party with a herd of rhino?

206. Well, I have, and it ain't purdy.

207. Right.

208. I've had run-ins with all these animals and I killed 'em all

209. I killed that one.

210. I…

211. Killed that one.

212. Well…

213. I've had some pretty hairy moments myself, sir.

214. Yes, sir.

215. Oh, yeah?

216. You got any scars to prove it?

217. Emotional scars. Yes.

218. Yeah? Check this out.

219. Moose bite, 1973.

220. Ain't nothing emotional about that.

221. Check this out!

222. Horn of a wildebeest ripped it wide open.

223. Had to tie it up with my own shoestring.

224. Yeah, big deal!

225. You see that? Straighteners. Nicky Clarke. Hottest you can get.

226. Fell asleep on them while I was pissed.

227. Jiminy Christmas.

228. Now, can you get out please? 'Cause I want to go to bed.

229. Oh. Yes, pardonnez-moi.

230. Of course.

231. I hope we meet again sometime under different circumstances.

232. What a character.

233. What a freak.

234. Mister, I was wondering if you'd care to join me for a drink

235. and possibly a smoke on the porch?

236. Man to man, so to speak.

237. Don't mind if I do, sir.

238. Me and Jack are just going to have a little bit of a wilderness chat.

239. Check you in a bit.

240. Yeah, whatever.

241. Get some of that for me, will you, Bollo?

242. Three for two.

243. And when the spacemen come,

244. they did experiments with a hammer and a feather

245. to see which one would land first.

246. And, do you know, on the moon's surface,

247. they land at exactly the same time.

248. They could have done that with anything.

249. Beach ball, peg, magnet,

250. little drawing of some chicken.

251. It don't make no difference.

252. When you on the moon, everything lands the same.

253. Beautiful view, huh?

254. Oh, yeah.

255. You know, when I see a view like that

256. I'm always aware of the terrifying insignificance of mankind.

257. And yet, at the same time, the irrevocable

258. connection that we all have with the universe.

259. You know what I think about?

260. All the tiny animal penises all over.

261. Anyway, I got a question for you.

262. You two out here on your honeymoon?

263. No, Jack. I think you've got the wrong end of the stick there.

264. Well, what are you doing out here in these parts, then?

265. Well, I'm a wildlife photographer by trade.

266. Just building myself up a portfolio, sir.

267. Ah, picture box.

268. That's me. It's in my blood, you know.

269. Well, maybe I can help you with that.

270. How?

271. Well, you know, left to your own devices out here in the forest,

272. you'd be lucky to get a picture of a chipmunk or a piece of moss.

273. But I know the whereabouts of a creature

274. that's never been seen by human eyeballs.

275. You get a photograph of that, you'll be famous!

276. On the cover of some fancy magazine.

277. See this map right here?

278. Leads directly to the creature's lair out on Piney Ridge.

279. - Can I have a look at that? - Maybe you can and maybe you can't.

280. Can I?

281. Well, maybe I got something you want and maybe you got something I want.

282. What?

283. Well, you know, a man does get lonely out here in the woods.

284. No, Jack, I'm sorry.

285. I mean, I'm a liberal guy, but I will draw the line there, I'm afraid.

286. Not you, dick brain.

287. I'm talking about hoochie-coochie pants in there.

288. A man does have his standards.

289. We don't often get a little, cute, nubile princess like that around here.

290. Usually old weather-beaten types like yourself.

291. I could never do that, okay?

292. Vince's a friend of mine so I'll bid you good night.

293. Well, that's a shame.

294. I guess you won't be needing a photo of the one and only,

295. the legendary, Yeti.

296. How long would you need him for?

297. Excuse me. Are these supposed to be like this?

298. Oh, sorry. It's burst.

299. Bollo, get us some more jaguar tears.

300. - They're going everywhere. - Okay.

301. - Just by horns and hooves. - Oh, okay.

302. You all right, Barry?

303. All right, Naboo. I haven't seen you for ages.

304. When was it? Whikkam Caves. Quite a night.

305. Yeah, I was out of my head that night.

306. Sick in my turban. You were all over the shop.

307. I know, it was my birthday. I was off my chops.

308. I had two Mick Jaggers and a line of cheap whiz.

309. - Anyway, what you up to these days? - Oh, I've gone freelance.

310. You still got Bollo?

311. Yeah, he's over there getting me some stuff.

312. All right, Bollo.

313. Where's your familiar?

314. This is Chrissie.

315. Oh, he's lovely, this one.

316. - I thought you had a black cat. - I did.

317. Doing my head in. Got myself an upgrade.

318. I wish I could get an upgrade.

319. Well, you should. He's tiny, got all the latest features.

320. Got a points card?

321. - Bollo? - Oh, sorry.

322. I forgot it.

323. See what I mean? That's worth fifty magic carpet miles.

324. Upgrade.

325. - See you later, Barry. - Here, Naboo, can I have a word?

326. If I was you, I'd keep yourself indoors tonight.

327. Avoid the forest.

328. Oh, yeah?

329. Apparently it's breeding night for the Yeti.

330. I thought they were hibernating?

331. They are, but every 25 years they come out.

332. Look for a man to breed with.

333. They're bloody rampant.

334. If I was you, I'd avoid Piney Ridge.

335. How did you find out about this?

336. Chrissie, gets all the latest. He's got sonar.

337. Why didn't you tell me about this, Bollo?

338. Well, I told you I had a bad feeling.

339. I need details. See you later, Barry.

340. All right there, gorgeous. When do you knock off?

341. Come in.

342. Well, hello there.

343. What do you want?

344. Well, I brought you some flowers. Picked 'em myself.

345. Where's Howard?

346. Oh, he's fine. He just went for a walk on Piney Ridge,

347. left us alone for a while.

348. - What are you eating? - Owl beaks. Do you want some?

349. - No, I'm fine. - Gets you in the mood.

350. Mood for what?

351. Purdy little thing like you and a big old mountain man like me…

352. - Get away from me. - But I loves you, Vincey.

353. You're weird. Get off me.

354. I love my little Vincey.

355. There you go, Nicky Clarke, hottest you can get.

356. - What's going on? - I'll tell you what's going on.

357. I've just narrowly avoided a bumming from Grizzly Adams.

358. Where's Howard?

359. He went for a walk or something up Piney Ridge.

360. What? Have I got shit on my face?

361. Do you think Howard will be all right, Naboo?

362. We're going to have to move fast before the Yetis get him.

363. What are they going to do to him if they catch him?

364. I don't even want to speak its name.

365. All right, we'd better get to Piney Ridge, quick smart.

366. Well, get a move on then.

367. Yeah. I can't drive.

368. I can't drive, either.

369. I thought you could.

370. - I thought you could. - Idiots.

371. Did you bring your magic carpet?

372. Howard wouldn't let me pack it. "One suitcase."

373. Oh, what are we going to do?

374. Bollo?

375. Come on, Bollo.

376. Get your monkey anus up at the steering wheel.

377. Bollo no drive.

378. - You're joking. Why not? - Bollo lose license.

379. When did that happen?

380. Long time ago.

381. It was Chinquo.

382. As teenager we would drive about town together.

383. My father warn us, "No drive too fast,

384. for there are speed camera on A49."

385. But Chinquo crazy.

386. He dangerous.

387. He always say, "Please, Bollo. Please let us go faster."

388. Yeah, yeah, so you chopped his head off, right?

389. No. I chopped his feet off.

390. Stopped him pressing accelerator.

391. Have you got any more stories about Chinquo, Bollo?

392. Do you think maybe we should get Howard?

393. What are we going to do?

394. Piney Ridge is about five hours away on foot.

395. Mini cab?

396. Cheekbone.

397. Oh, cheers.

398. New issue.

399. The Jacobean ruff's back in. I knew it.

400. Genius.

401. Hey, mate, you can't drive, can you?

402. - Yes. - Yes!

403. Speed camera!

404. Howard!

405. Howard!

406. Jeez, I thought Bollo had big feet. Look at this.

407. Shit.

408. Now, don't panic, anyone. I'm a shaman.

409. We've studied Yetis, haven't we, Bollo?

410. There's something they don't like. What is it?

411. - Cheese? - No.

412. - Lipstick? - No.

413. - Connect 4? - No.

414. Mirrors! They're scared of their own reflection.

415. If only we had a mirror.

416. - What size do you need? - What?

417. Well, do you want a hand-held, full length, make-up mirror?

418. - This one's good for close-ups. - Great, give me that.

419. Actually, I think that was unicorns.

420. Nice try.

421. Kalamaloo!

422. Cachoola, panto, tatika, sacoolo, fanto.

423. - We thought you'd been killed. - What? By these guys?

424. They're peaceful.

425. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with your eyes?

426. - You look weird, Howard. - Howard.

427. Oh, yes. I remember him.

428. Paranoid. At odds with himself.

429. He's gone now. Say hello to Parsley.

430. Parsley? What's the matter with you?

431. I feel free inside.

432. That's great, Parsley. Let's get out of here.

433. Whoa, there, what's the rush?

434. Stay awhile.

435. This is my home now.

436. What, in the woods?

437. Come. Let me show you.

438. You've gone insane.

439. I resisted at first, but now the rhythms of the forest flow through me,

440. and they can flow through you, too.

441. He's gone wrong.

442. I know. He's in a trance.

443. It's all part of the ritual.

444. It's what they do before they breed with you.

445. - What's Bollo doing? - Oh, he's gone too.

446. Listen, Vince, this is Yeti magic. Don't listen to the hippie nonsense.

447. You're a punk, stay punk. Think of Johnny Thunders.

448. - Right. - Mick and Keith. Block it out.

449. Okay, but what about you, Naboo?

450. Don't worry about me, I'm a shaman.

451. My mind's like a fortress.

452. Run for your lives!

453. Where am I?

454. I've got bunches!

455. Where's my turban?

456. It's the queen! And she's horny as hell!

457. Run, little Vincey! I'll save you!

458. Come here, you little Yeti-biatch!

459. Biatch?

460. No, no!

461. Oh, a little to the left! Oh, yeah!

462. Vince, I didn't get your email!

463. Wait for me!

464. Security to aisle seven, please.

465. Sorry.

466. Ooh! Flipping hell

467. Malt loaf.

468. - What? - Malt loaf.

469. - What are you talking about? - It's what the Yetis are afraid of!

470. Great. Just in time there, Naboo.

471. - I had some as well It's on the GI diet. - GI.

472. Can we go to the Goofy Lodge next year?

473. That's fine by me.

474. Thank you.

475. Good day, sir.

476. New Global Explorer's in.

477. I don't believe it.

478. "Vince Noir Finds Yeti."

479. Cool.

480. I say, old bean,

481. would you be kind enough to sign a copy for my wife?

482. No problem.

483. Make it out to Alan.

484. - There you go. - Thank you.

485. Oh, dear.