1. Come with us now on a journey
through time and space...
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2. to the world of The Mighty Boosh.
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3. - Hey, Bollo.
- Howard.
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4. - What are you up to tonight?
- DJing at Rollerdisco.
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5. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I DJ myself.
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6. - I never seen you.
- Well, you know, I keep it low key.
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7. Work peripheries mainly, you know.
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8. Teacher training colleges,
village fetes, that sort of thing.
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9. Little tip for you. What I do,
I stick to classic jazz when I DJ, yeah?
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10. And then, just when they're least expecting it,
drop some Weather Report in.
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11. Ow! Blows their minds.
Might want to try that yourself.
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12. I have to go now.
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13. See you later.
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14. Idiot.
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15. What's going on in here?
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16. Jazz night, Monday night, you coming?
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17. Oh, no way. I need this room tonight.
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18. - Well, you can't have it.
- Why not?
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19. Take a look at my yearly planner.
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20. - Oh, can't you cancel that?
- No, I can't cancel it.
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21. I'll be letting a lot of people down
if I did that, wouldn't I?
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22. A lot of people? Like who?
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23. - Members of the Jazz Club.
- Members of the Jazz Club?
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24. It's just you and that old gimmer Horace.
Oh, can't you blow him out?
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25. No, I can't.
I'm all he's got since his wife left him, okay?
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26. - He's on the edge as it is.
- All right.
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27. - I'll have to ring the girls, tell them it's off.
- What?
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28. Oh, just a couple of Gothic girls, you know.
Pretty sexy, two of them, two of us.
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29. Thought it might be fun. Don't worry about it.
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30. I'll go round theirs,
try my luck at the Gothic three-way.
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31. Hi, Horace.
Jazz is off tonight, something's cropped up.
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32. I don't think Horace is going to be able
to make it tonight.
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33. So I'm freed up. What time are the girls coming?
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34. Yeah, the thing is, these are Goth girls,
so there might be a bit of a problem.
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35. - Why?
- Well, you're gonna have to get a bit dark like me.
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36. Like you?
You're the least dark person I've ever met.
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37. - You're like candy floss.
- You cut me open and I'm made of Black Jacks.
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38. - You're Fruit Salad, Vince, everyone knows that.
- It's not Vince, I've changed my name.
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39. - What?
- It's Obsidian now.
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40. - Obsidian?
- Yeah, Obsidian Blackbird McNight.
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41. Whatever. Inside, I'm darker than you. Yeah?
There's a dark poetry to me, yes, sir.
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42. Yeah, you can blag all that internal stuff.
I'm talking about the look, you know.
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43. - I mean, what are we going to do with your hair?
- What's wrong with it?
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44. - It's a bit thin, isn't it?
- It's not thin, it's fine.
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45. You're not joking.
Can't even feel it, it's like brown smoke.
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46. Look, my hair is soft and gentle.
I get a lot of compliments about it. Girls like it.
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47. Yeah, not Goth girls, though.
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48. What am I going to do, then?
Can you help me out?
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49. I don't know.
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50. You must have something to boost it up.
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51. Come on, you got a BTEC National in hair design.
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52. All right. But lucky for you, there's this.
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53. Goth Juice, the most powerful hairspray
known to man.
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54. Made from the tears of Robert Smith.
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55. Give me some of that.
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56. Easy, you don't know
what you're dealing with here. Back off a bit.
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57. A bit more, all right. Now, throw me that satsuma.
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58. Wow, that is some pretty powerful hold.
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59. Yeah. Right, use it sparingly, yeah?
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60. Help yourself to my wardrobe.
I'll meet you later on.
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61. - What time?
- Midnight.
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62. Hey, Naboo, I need a favour.
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63. I went to the Black Spider last night
and met these beautiful Goth girls, yeah?
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64. The thing is, I got drunk,
I kind of told them I was a warlock.
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65. So, I was just wondering,
you haven't got any magic spells
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66. or any tricks or anything, you know,
that I can impress them with?
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67. Vince, I'd love to help you
but I'm banned by shamanic law
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68. to only use my power for a noble cause.
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69. Get lost! I've seen you on your magic carpet
when you can't get a taxi.
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70. - You've seen nothing.
- I've seen everything.
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71. You try Zingo and if that don't work,
you're on the rug.
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72. Yeah, don't tell anyone about that, will you?
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73. All right, I won't, but maybe you can help me out.
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74. - All right, come on.
- Yes. Cheers, Naboo.
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75. Kalamanoohuh!
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76. - This is my library of magic books.
- Wow.
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77. - What's this?
- That's Houdini's diary.
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78. I bet that lets you into a few secrets.
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79. I don't know, I can't get it open.
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80. - Look at this one.
- Don't touch that.
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81. - All right, easy.
- This is black magic. This is hardcore.
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82. - Don't mess with the occult.
- I thought it was good for you.
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83. - What?
- You know, good for your digestive system.
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84. - That's Yakult.
- Oh, yeah.
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85. - You ready? Cab's here.
- Yeah.
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86. Good.
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87. This is beige magic. It's more your level.
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88. Oh, cheers, Naboo. You're a diamond.
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89. Do you like my new watch?
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90. Nice, where did you get it?
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91. Topgoth.
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92. So are you really a sorcerer, then?
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93. Yeah.
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94. - When are we going to do some sorcery?
- Right now.
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95. Just going to call up my assistant.
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96. Ladies.
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97. Anthrax, Ebola.
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98. Howard Moon.
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99. - He's pretty dark.
- I'm the Dark Side of the Moon.
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100. That's one of mine.
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101. Howard, can I have a word?
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102. - I can't...
- What are you doing?
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103. I can't breathe.
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104. These are Goth girls, yeah?
They don't like jokes, they don't even smile, yeah?
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105. Do some dark stuff, freak them out a bit.
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106. - Went to a graveyard today.
- Yeah?
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107. Yeah. Got naked.
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108. Did a shit on a tombstone.
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109. Have you got the book, Howard?
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110. - There you go, Vince.
- Vince?
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111. I mean Obsidian Raven McBovril...
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112. - Obsidian Blackbird McNight.
- McNight.
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113. Thank you.
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114. Prepare yourselves for some powerful magic.
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115. I've seen his work, he's pretty good.
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116. - Do you mind?
- Sorry.
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117. - Is this a joke?
- Erm...
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118. Yeah, it's just a joke. It's the wrong book.
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119. I'll just go and get the proper one.
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120. Howard, you keep things ticking along here, yeah?
I think we're well in.
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121. I killed a swan yesterday.
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122. Did a shit on it.
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123. Right on it.
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124. I'll go and check on the sorcerer,
see how he's getting on.
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125. Vince.
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126. Well done, Ali Bongo. This is going well, isn't it?
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127. I'm dying on my arse out there.
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128. - What do you expect?
- What do you mean?
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129. - You could have shaved your moustache off.
- Why?
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130. Goths don't have moustaches.
You look like Tom Selleck.
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131. This is going nowhere, okay?
I'm bringing the moustache back.
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132. - Really?
- Yeah.
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133. Don't worry about it, all right,
because I've got an idea.
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134. Hey, isn't that Naboo's book of black magic?
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135. - I thought you were dark.
- I am, but that's stealing.
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136. Right, then.
You girls ready for something pretty dark?
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137. Whatever.
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138. Vince, I'm not sure about this.
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139. What's wrong, Howard? You scared?
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140. No.
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141. Hello, dear.
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142. (SARCASTICALLY) An old lady? I'm terrified.
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143. This is rubbish.
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144. Don't go. That's the thing with summoning,
you don't know who you're going to get.
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145. It's like lucky dip.
One week you get an old lady, the next week...
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146. - Yeah, I mean, who did we have last week?
- Hitler.
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147. Hitler, yeah, we played Pictionary with him.
He was a right laugh.
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148. - He couldn't draw to save his life.
- I did a shit on him.
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149. Well done. I knew it.
You always have to spoil it, don't you?
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150. I knew I should have gone
for the Gothic three-way.
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151. It's not my fault.
You summoned up Granny Scroggins.
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152. Where is she?
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153. - It's Naboo.
- Go on, put his book back or he'll kill you.
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154. - Where's it gone?
- I don't know.
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155. - What are we going to do?
- Act natural.
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156. The thing I like about jazz was the movement
from bebop to modal jazz in the late '50s,
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157. where they made more of a use
of the flat nine chord.
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158. - Very fascinating.
- And...
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159. - Hey, guys.
- Hey!
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160. - How was the Rollerdisco?
- I was on fire, banging out tune after tune.
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161. - Yeah. Drop any weather report?
- Get stuffed.
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162. Fair enough.
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163. Naboo, you are looking good today.
You been working out?
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164. You're looking taut, fit and svelte.
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165. We love you, Naboo.
I don't know if we mentioned that.
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166. Love what you're about, you know,
all the aspects of you.
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167. - You're a powerful character.
- Have you been going through my stuff?
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168. - No.
- I knew it. I told you not to mess with the occult.
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169. - Sorry about that.
- What have you done?
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170. - We might have summoned up a tiny demon.
- Demonette.
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171. I don't believe this.
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172. Hey, Naboo, sorry about that.
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173. - Get out.
- Oh, come on, Naboo.
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174. You've gone too far this time.
I'm going to have to turn my back on you.
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175. - Sorry, Naboo.
- Come on, don't be like that.
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176. Let that be a lesson to you.
Right, let's sort this mess out.
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177. This is Spotlight for Demons. They're all in here.
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178. - What are we looking for? Horns?
No.
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179. - Green skin?
- Not really. Just a little old lady.
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180. - What?
- A harmless old woman, you know.
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181. Not this one?
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182. Yeah, that's her.
I was getting quite a good vibe off her, actually.
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183. - You summoned Nanatoo.
- Nanatoo?
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184. She's the evilest demon known to man.
She's got five stars.
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185. Is that bad?
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186. We're going to have to reverse the spell.
Where's the book?
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187. Right, er... have you got a copy of that book?
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188. - 7,000 years old.
- Right.
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189. Yeah, Naboo, you might want to start
backing your stuff up.
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190. I don't think you realise what you've done.
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191. If Nanatoo gets the book, she's going to multiply.
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192. Raise an evil army of Nanas.
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193. There'll be blood on the streets,
there'll be fire in the sky.
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194. You know what this means?
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195. Nanageddon!
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196. - Excuse me.
- What do you want, Wrinkles?
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197. When you are the moon,
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198. the best for you can be is a full moon...
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199. and then a half moon, he's all right.
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200. But the full moon is the famous moon,
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201. and, like, three quarters,
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202. no one gives a shit about him.
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203. When does he come?
Two days into the calendar month. He's useless.
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204. Full moon, the moon.
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205. The main moon.
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206. It saddens me to see you
under these circumstances, Naboo.
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207. You have been summoned
before the Board of Shaman
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208. for the most grievous of crimes.
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209. You let the book of spells
fall into the hands of the demon Nanatoo.
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210. This is Nanageddon.
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211. - It's Nanageddon.
- Nanageddon.
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212. - Nanageddon.
- I wasn't even there, I was DJing with Bollo.
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213. - DJing with your familiar?
- Highly unorthodox behaviour, Naboo.
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214. Even for you.
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215. These two guys I live with,
they tried to use the book to impress these girls.
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216. "Oh, I'm Naboo. Nothing is ever my fault."
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217. What's it go to do with you?
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218. It's got everything to do with me,
and more to boot.
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219. - You've never liked me, have you?
- No.
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220. - And you're perfect?
- I'm pretty good.
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221. I've seen your CV, there's nothing on it.
I live my life.
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222. Live your life?
You live with a couple of doss bags and an ape.
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223. - What? You are an ape.
- Oh, well, yeah.
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224. Yeah, you've read all the books,
but when it comes to the crunch, where are you?
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225. The crunch?
How dare you speak to me of the crunch?
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226. You know nothing of the crunch,
you've never even been to the crunch.
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227. - I've been there once.
- Oh, a little day trip round the crunch.
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228. We can all go as tourists.
"Oh, that's a bit of crunch..."
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229. Shut it!
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230. Look, I'll sort it out. Just give me more time.
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231. Well, perhaps I could grant you an extra 24 hours.
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232. - How can you allow this?
- Here we go.
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233. He's guilty. It is written in the Law of the Shaman
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234. that if you lose the book,
your powers will be suspended.
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235. - I know this.
- This is an outrage. You must do your duty.
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236. - He must be punished.
- He must be punished.
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237. - He must be punished.
- He must be punished.
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238. Silence.
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239. - I'm afraid, on this occasion, Saboo and...
- Tony.
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240. - Tony...
- Harrison.
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241. Tony Harrison are right.
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242. Your powers must be revoked
and your familiar impounded until further notice.
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243. - Oh, but I DJ at Fabric on Tuesday.
- Not anymore you don't.
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244. - Can I still get on the guest list?
- Maybe.
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245. And now, though it pains me to do this,
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246. we must all turn our backs upon you.
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247. Look, I'll get the book back, you'll see.
I won't let you down.
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248. I'm Naboo, that's who.
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249. Whatever.
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250. You plum, Naboo, your powers have been revoked.
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251. Yeah? I've got a travelcard.
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252. I will get that book for you, sire.
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253. But it is a dangerous mission.
I shall assign you a partner.
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254. Very well, I will go with Kirk.
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255. Kirk is not to be trusted in these matters.
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256. Kirk is a violent and sexually
deranged being from the fourth dimension.
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257. Kirk, is it true you are still an erotic adventurer
of the most deranged kind?
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258. - Yes.
- Very well. Who shall I go with?
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259. You shall go with Tony Harrison there.
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260. Oh, come on.
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261. What's your beef?
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262. He's got not legs. He can't walk.
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263. How dare you?
I come fully equipped with a papoose.
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264. If you need to move me around,
I slot in the back like a peanut.
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265. If you're against the papoose system,
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266. I've got a wheel that clicks into my chin
like a skate.
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267. What are you, a kit?
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268. Am I going to have to assemble this Kinder Egg
and take him with me?
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269. - Tony has a gift for strategy.
- A gift for strategy?
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270. That's right, I'm a unique thinker.
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271. Right, let us hear
one of Tony Harrison's stratagems.
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272. Come on, Tony. Don't let me down.
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273. I say we move with haste,
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274. we retrieve that book,
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275. we fetch it back... in a bag,
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276. and quite quickly.
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277. Oh, dear.
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278. Just give me five minutes,
I can come up with something else.
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279. I only need pen and paper
and someone to write down my ideas.
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280. You are a knob.
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281. Oh, if I was a younger man, I'd take you on.
Come on, let's see what you've got.
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282. Look, I can't have this kind of guy in the field
when I'm trying to work.
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283. You shall go with Tony Harrison
and that is the end of it.
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284. Very well, sire. But if,
when it comes to the crunch, he lets me down,
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285. I shall hold you personally responsible.
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286. Likewise. If this prick screws up,
I'll ditch him quick smart.
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287. For somebody who looks like a ball, you really...
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288. Sometimes I wonder at the team
I have assembled here.
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289. Oh, excuse me, sir,
could you tell me the way to Brick Lane?
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290. Yeah, sure, what you do is,
you go down there and...
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291. - You've ruined me.
- Hey, Naboo, how's it going?
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292. I told you not to look in the book,
but you had to have a little look, didn't you?
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293. - He's off his face.
- I know. What's the matter, Naboo?
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294. - They've taken away my powers.
- What?
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295. I just spent six hours on the Northern line.
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296. - Look, Naboo, maybe we can help you out.
- You've done enough.
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297. Sorry about all this, Naboo.
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298. I'm going to have to turn my back on you now
once and for all.
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299. What are we going to do? He's in a right state.
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300. I'll tell you what we're going to do.
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301. We got him into this
and we're going to get him out of it.
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302. We're going to track down that old woman,
we're going to find that book,
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303. we're going to bring it back
and we're going to restore Naboo's powers.
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304. Yeah, but how are we going to find that old lady?
She could be anywhere.
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305. Old Comanche Indian saying,
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306. "Best way to hide a leaf is in a forest."
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307. You think she's in the forest?
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308. - You're a bit done-up, aren't you?
- Exactly, that's my look.
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309. I'm trying to look like a nana
who was quite saucy in the '50s.
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310. - Glamour nana.
- We're supposed to be blending in.
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311. Oh, really? What, like you with your moustache?
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312. Listen... It's those girls.
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313. - Ladies.
- Nice outfits.
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314. Yeah, I've still got the magic.
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315. Hey, Howard, isn't that the old lady?
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316. - I don't know, they all look the same.
- It is. Leave this to me.
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317. - Listen, lady, where's the book?
- What book, dear?
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318. Don't give me the runaround,
you know what I'm talking about.
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319. - I really don't know what you mean.
- Give me it.
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320. - Howard, rough her up a bit.
- What?
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321. Go on.
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322. Howard, she hasn't got it.
It's just a selection of cakes.
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323. Sorry.
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324. - Left or right, Tony?
- Uh...
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325. - Left or right?
- All right.
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326. It's a simple question, left or right.
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327. I can't work under this kind of pressure.
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328. Great, brilliant, we've overshot.
Well done, Tony Harrison. Very good.
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329. What, we missed the turning?
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330. We're gonna have to go all the way round now
'cause it's a one-way deal.
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331. - You absolute jerk-off.
- How dare you, you cleft?
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332. You've got one job, Tony, one job,
and that's to read the map.
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333. My navigational skills are second to none.
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334. It's just that you put the map
too far away from me.
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335. I'm sorry, Tony, I'm sorry.
I'm just used to working with people
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336. with a little bit more than a one-foot reach.
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337. Where are we? What are we going to do?
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338. - We could ask someone.
- Who are we going to ask? The moon?
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339. That's not a bad idea.
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340. - Fine, let's ask the moon.
- Let's do it, then.
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341. One time, I saw a man looking at me,
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342. yes, with his eyes,
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343. and then he picked up a tube
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344. and he look in the tube
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345. and he made the moon big inside the tube.
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346. The moon big inside the tube.
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347. Oh, a telescope.
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348. You see, that is why you do not ask the moon.
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349. Listen, I took a chance, all right?
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350. We asked the moon,
I didn't know he was an alabaster retard, did I?
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351. You are a disgrace, Tony.
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352. - To be honest, I feel a little bit sick.
- Oh.
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353. - I do suffer from motion sickness.
- Oh, really, do you?
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354. You should see me on coaches, it's even worse.
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355. - Well, that's dynamite, Tony.
- As for ferries, I'm all over the shop.
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356. When me and Mrs Harrison go to Calais,
it's a nightmare.
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357. I'm on the deck the whole time.
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358. Take me through every mode of transportation
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359. and how each one makes you hurl, Tony,
while we're lost so...
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360. Horses. I'm good on horses.
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361. If you can't even handle a little carpet,
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362. what are you going to do
when we come to the crunch?
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363. Oh, my word! Are we back to the crunch?
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364. - The crunch, what are you going to do?
- Oh, here we fucking go.
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365. The crunch this, the crunch that.
Why are you so obsessed with the crunch?
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366. - Do you want to know about the crunch?
- I do, yes.
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367. Because you are going to meet the crunch
a little bit before me, my friend.
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368. Oh, this is an outrage!
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369. Saboo, you slag!
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370. Good evening, ladies, and welcome to the bingo.
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371. May I say you're all looking lovely this evening,
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372. especially you.
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373. Anyway, let's get started...
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374. - He's a bit forward, isn't he?
- He could have been talking about me.
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375. Yeah, right.
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376. 62, avian flu,
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377. number 62.
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378. Two bloody stumps, number 11.
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379. The age I lost my virginity, number 43.
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380. - Is that her?
- Hmm?
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381. Vince, is that her?
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382. Can you be quiet? I keep missing the numbers.
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383. Do you remember why we're here?
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384. I know, but look at those boots. They're genius.
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385. If I get them, I'm going to customise them.
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386. - Vince, what colour was her cardigan?
- Hmm?
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387. - What colour was her cardigan?
- Red.
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388. I think that's her. I'm going to try something.
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389. - Stay there.
- Yeah, yeah.
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390. Shish, bang, boom, bally, bally, boo, boo...
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391. number 28.
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392. Good people are dicks, number 46.
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393. Fee, fi, foo, number 32.
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394. Hmm...
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395. number 84.
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396. Howdy doody, bouncing clown, number 75.
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397. - I'll take that.
- Who are you?
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398. - I'm from the Board of Shaman.
- I'm taking this to Naboo.
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399. Naboo? Haven't you heard, he's washed-up,
he's finished, he's a drunk.
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400. - He's a friend of mine.
- Everyone's a friend of Naboo.
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401. - Yeah, well, he's a nice man.
- He knows nothing of the crunch.
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402. - The what?
- He knows nothing of the crunch.
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403. What's that got to do with anything?
What are you doing?
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404. - That's your first slice of crunch.
- Get off.
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405. I'll slap you with the crunch.
I'll bury you in the crunch.
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406. - House!
- We have a winner.
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407. Hey, Howard, I won the boots.
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408. Oh.
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409. All the sixes, 666.
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410. Crunch time.
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411. Run!
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412. Where you going? Vince!
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413. Come on!
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414. I forgot my boots.
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415. This is an outrage!
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416. Naboo, wake up!
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417. - What's happening?
- We've got the book.
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418. - I've got a terrific hangover.
- Come on, come on!
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419. I'll make you a Resolve.
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420. Hurry up. Hurry up, Naboo, find the spell.
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421. All right. Right.
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422. - It's in here somewhere, where is it?
- Hurry up.
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423. Don't kill me! I've got so much to give!
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424. "Nana Nana go away, come again another day."
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425. No!
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426. Where's that Resolve? I've got a blinder.
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427. Look at that.
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428. - Cover shot of Goth Weekly.
- Oh, yeah.
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429. - Four-page article.
- We were pretty good.
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430. Yeah, the way you got that book back
was amazing.
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431. Yeah, that was some of the best hairspray work
I've seen in a long time, sir.
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432. - Thanks.
- Well done.
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433. - Hey, Howard, it's the Goth girls.
- Of course it is.
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434. They know what we're about now.
Dark news travels fast.
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435. - We're Super Goths.
- They're here.
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436. Ladies.
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437. - Hey, guys.
- After you.
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438. Don't wait up.
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