1. You could learn how to do that.Copy !req
2. Shoving a butt plug— butt plug
in the asshole— asshole of your mind.Copy !req
3. - I'm enlightened now.Copy !req
4. I'm enlightened now.
In the asshole of your mind.Copy !req
5. I need light.Copy !req
6. - Or plants.
I'm enlightened now.Copy !req
7. - What, my chonchichi?Copy !req
8. Bed? No.Copy !req
9. Clancy, I found a planet that you'll like.Copy !req
10. Norval 8.Copy !req
11. This planet has rivers of wine
and mescaline fruit.Copy !req
12. That parrot would make a great interview.Copy !req
13. Oh, I'm sorry.
Maybe you didn't hear the song, but...Copy !req
14. ♪ Butt plug ♪
I'm enlightened now.Copy !req
15. I'm enlightened now! Ah!
I got enlightened! Uh!Copy !req
16. What about Lensor-Didor?Copy !req
17. The planet of waterslide parks
and trampolines—Copy !req
18. - I'm enlightened now!Copy !req
19. - Okay, what about Planet Blank Ball?
- Perfect.Copy !req
20. I made you some boring avatars,
Enlightened One.Copy !req
21. Thank you.Copy !req
22. - Do you like them?Copy !req
23. Yeah...Copy !req
24. I made one that looks just like you,
except it's made out of cream.Copy !req
25. - Is that cool?
- Mmm.Copy !req
26. - Yeah.Copy !req
27. Send me down to Planet Blank Ball, boy!Copy !req
28. As you wish.Copy !req
29. Merging with simulator in...
Are you chewing gum?Copy !req
30. - Thank you, Master.Copy !req
31. - Love you, bud.
- Two...Copy !req
32. one...Copy !req
33. It really is just a big, blank ball.Copy !req
34. Oh, God, fuck this.
Let's spice this ball up!Copy !req
35. Hey, man.Copy !req
36. - Oh!Copy !req
37. Hey, man, you got a hose for this thing?Copy !req
38. I'm all chafed.Copy !req
39. You don't talk?Copy !req
40. Okay, that's cool.Copy !req
41. There's got to be one in here.Copy !req
42. I've just got to remember where I put it.Copy !req
43. Yeah!Copy !req
44. Whoa!Copy !req
45. Wow.Copy !req
46. Damn.Copy !req
47. That's a lot of stuff.Copy !req
48. What's up, baby?Copy !req
49. Who's there?Copy !req
50. Must ask questions.Copy !req
51. - So much mystery.Copy !req
52. Perfect for spacecast.Copy !req
53. I am Death.Copy !req
54. - It's nice to meet you. My name's Clancy.Copy !req
55. Sorry, I had something in my throat.Copy !req
56. Hey, would you like to be interviewed
for my spacecast? It's a space blast.Copy !req
57. It goes into space.Copy !req
58. I... guess.Copy !req
59. But before we start,
you need to describe my formCopy !req
60. so I can manifest.Copy !req
61. - Huh?
Describe me.Copy !req
62. What does Death look like to you?Copy !req
63. Uh, all right, 14 feet tall
with nice hair,Copy !req
64. one fun eyeball, a crab claw
with a fancy jeweled glove, a bat wing,Copy !req
65. one clown leg
and all that in a child's red wagon.Copy !req
66. - Is the wagon a part of me?
Yeah.Copy !req
67. And your butt is a rhino back half
with a food force field,Copy !req
68. and the rhino's legs
are always standing in poop.Copy !req
69. I think we need to simplify this.Copy !req
70. Oh, okay.Copy !req
71. Lose the middle and that gross boy
with the handles for hands.Copy !req
72. I didn't ask for that.Copy !req
73. Try putting that crab claw back,
but smaller.Copy !req
74. Now you can push along on the ground.Copy !req
75. This isn't very practical.Copy !req
76. Okay. Well, how about you add a jet pack?Copy !req
77. I'm not like "creepy Death" anymore.
I'm just like—Copy !req
78. All right, how do you feel
about just being a normal Grim Reaper,Copy !req
79. but keep that fun-looking eyeball?Copy !req
80. You look cool.Copy !req
81. Mind if we can start the interview?Copy !req
82. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
83. - I'm gonna start recording.Copy !req
84. Hey, that's my hose!
Huh.Copy !req
85. Ha ha!Copy !req
86. Fuck! That little tart baker took my hose.Copy !req
87. You mind if we walk and talk
so I can get the hose backCopy !req
88. - for my waterslide?
- Sure.Copy !req
89. So you're Death.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
90. Losing people to you is so painful.Copy !req
91. It is.Copy !req
92. Do you have any adviceCopy !req
93. for people who are dealing with death
in their own lives?Copy !req
94. Yeah. So the best thing you could possibly
do for yourself in your entire life,Copy !req
95. I think, is be super present
for those moments.Copy !req
96. - Yes!
- Like, 100% in,Copy !req
97. like, sitting with the dead bodyCopy !req
98. or 100%, like, sitting with the placentaCopy !req
99. and the newborn, mewling,
covered-in-mucus baby.Copy !req
100. Yes.Copy !req
101. These are the moments of primal realityCopy !req
102. - that we don't get in our daily lives.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
103. - And they're actively kept from us.Copy !req
104. By an elaborate system.Copy !req
105. What is that system?Copy !req
106. This seems truly like the conspiracy
nobody talks about.Copy !req
107. Yeah,
it's one of my favorite conspiracies,Copy !req
108. is, like, the death industrial complex.Copy !req
109. What is this?
Can we talk about this?Copy !req
110. Well, I can tell you for death
and I can tell you my theories.Copy !req
111. Which, I don't even know if they're
theories. I think they're facts.Copy !req
112. - I'll put them out there as facts.
- Cool.Copy !req
113. So, what happened, it really happened
around the turn of the 20th century.Copy !req
114. So you had—Copy !req
115. - And keep in mind...Copy !req
116. this is primar—Copy !req
117. The extent to which it happens
is an American convention.Copy !req
118. Oh.Copy !req
119. - It's a United States convention.
Yeah.Copy !req
120. It happens to some degree
in many other places in the world,Copy !req
121. but the US is really the king.Copy !req
122. It's the mafia don
of this kind of cover-up of death.Copy !req
123. Sorry. I'm sorry.
I don't mean to interrupt you.Copy !req
124. Can you tell me
what these tart-baking mirrors are?Copy !req
125. Sure.Copy !req
126. This is a trial of judgment.Copy !req
127. All these mirrors reflect
parts of yourself that you're ashamed of,Copy !req
128. stuff you try to hide from yourself.
You have to forgive them.Copy !req
129. - Forgive them?
- Sure. This is a good icebreaker.Copy !req
130. Huh?Copy !req
131. So during the American Civil War,
you see the rise of embalming,Copy !req
132. which is chemically treating a dead body,Copy !req
133. which keeps it fresh a little longer,
staves off decomposition a little longer.Copy !req
134. Was this— Was this because people
were dying far away from homeCopy !req
135. - and they wanted—
- Exactly. Exactly.Copy !req
136. So the history is that you had all these
Northern soldiers going down to the South,Copy !req
137. dying on the battlefield.Copy !req
138. It was really important
in the Protestant ethos of the timeCopy !req
139. - that you see the dead body.
Hmm.Copy !req
140. So the train conductors
were getting all these decomposing corpsesCopy !req
141. on their train and they would go,Copy !req
142. "Nope, kick 'em out.
We're not doing this anymore.Copy !req
143. You can't pile up
your decomposing corpses in my train."Copy !req
144. Holy shit, a sax man.Copy !req
145. That's Judgment.Copy !req
146. Wow, I was just thinking,
"I wish there was a sax man around."Copy !req
147. So you had these enterprising young men,
who were embalmers,Copy !req
148. who would follow the battles,
battlefield to battlefield,Copy !req
149. like ambulance chasers.Copy !req
150. - Whoa.
- Going to the battlesCopy !req
151. and setting up their tents.Copy !req
152. They would prop up abandoned bodiesCopy !req
153. that they had embalmed
from the battlefieldCopy !req
154. to show their work,
as little advertisements,Copy !req
155. like window advertisements
for their skills.Copy !req
156. Wow.
And you would pay themCopy !req
157. to basically, at that time,
disembowel the body,Copy !req
158. put some arsenic in the body
to preserve the body.Copy !req
159. Arsenic's a preservative?Copy !req
160. - Yeah, it's a preservative.
- Huh.Copy !req
161. They don't use it anymore,
'cause it's terrible, but...Copy !req
162. Now they use formaldehyde.
But at the time, they used arsenic.Copy !req
163. - Huh.Copy !req
164. Hey, that's my hose. I need it.
- Ha ha!Copy !req
165. Grow up.Copy !req
166. So what I was saying,
it was a dangerous jobCopy !req
167. and they would send the body back up northCopy !req
168. and it would preserve it
for that period of travel,Copy !req
169. which was an interesting innovation.Copy !req
170. So, wait, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
171. - This is a lot of information...Copy !req
172. and it's really—Copy !req
173. That's the bit— that's the intro.
We haven't even got to the explanation.Copy !req
174. You're gonna die
after stepping on a ping-pong ball.Copy !req
175. Okay, okay, so, you would get your...Copy !req
176. - Your uncle would come in a train...
- Yes.Copy !req
177. stuffed with arsenic?Copy !req
178. Not— Stuffed with sawdust, actually.
At the time, the embalming was...Copy !req
179. They would disembowel you,Copy !req
180. meaning they removed your internal organs,Copy !req
181. 'cause that's really
where decomposition happensCopy !req
182. is in the gooey
middle part of your body.Copy !req
183. So they would disembowel all your organs,Copy !req
184. they would stuff you with sawdust
or something to keep you...Copy !req
185. - ... you know, your stomach extended,Copy !req
186. and then they would fill your body,
your circulatory system,Copy !req
187. with some kind of preservative.Copy !req
188. Whoa!Copy !req
189. They're doing this and it's actually sort
of a sensible innovation for the time.Copy !req
190. People want their dead sons backCopy !req
191. and they get their dead sons back
because of this process.Copy !req
192. Yes.
- But what happensCopy !req
193. is that these same men are going,
"Wait a second. The war's over now,Copy !req
194. but this is my business.
This is what I do now.Copy !req
195. So we have to convince the rest of the
country that embalming is the way to go."Copy !req
196. Whoa.Copy !req
197. And so these men set out,
they go across the country,Copy !req
198. they're selling their wares.Copy !req
199. They're kind of like Amway salesmen
at first.Copy !req
200. They're going town to town,
holding three-day embalming courses,Copy !req
201. saying, "Come on down,
learn how to embalm."Copy !req
202. - That makes sense, yeah?
I like this guy.Copy !req
203. The real trick of it,
the real thing that really worked,Copy !req
204. is at the turn of the 20th century,Copy !req
205. they really started to push the idea,
based on, now, very bad science...Copy !req
206. And, honestly,
it was already bad science at the time.Copy !req
207. It's that the dead body is dangerous...Copy !req
208. - Yes. That's what I thought.
- ... in some way.Copy !req
209. Unless the person who died
had Ebola or avian bird fluCopy !req
210. or some— one of these incredibly rare,
wildly infectious diseases...Copy !req
211. - Plague.
- ... in which case,Copy !req
212. the CDC would come collect them
immediately and take them for cremation.Copy !req
213. They wouldn't be going
to a normal funeral home—Copy !req
214. - Save some money that way.
- Yeah, you know, "Did your dad have Ebola?Copy !req
215. That sucks, but, good news,
the government's gonna take care of it."Copy !req
216. So unless that's the case,Copy !req
217. your body almost instantly
becomes far more safe...Copy !req
218. Ow, ow, ow!Copy !req
219. - There you go.Copy !req
220. the second that it dies,Copy !req
221. because not only are the viruses and
the bacteria dying off pretty quickly...Copy !req
222. - Those don't live in your body that long.
- Huh.Copy !req
223. Also, the things that are infectious about
a sick person or a dying person are what?Copy !req
224. - Coughing, sneezing, pooping, bleeding.
Whoa.Copy !req
225. - All these things that get you...
- Right!Copy !req
226. they'd stop doing that
when they were dead.Copy !req
227. So that's a positive.Copy !req
228. You know,
as far as keeping your safety intact.Copy !req
229. Mmm. Wow.
- But if you're able to, say...Copy !req
230. keep your dad under hospice
and wash him and dress himCopy !req
231. and do all these things...Copy !req
232. he's... You know
that he's completely safe.Copy !req
233. - Right.
- And nothing changes when he dies.Copy !req
234. - It's the same thing.
- It's the same thing, if not safer.Copy !req
235. So it's like... Oh, my God.
That is so creepy.Copy !req
236. And keep in mind,
humans were doing this,Copy !req
237. taking care of their own dead in this way,Copy !req
238. for tens of thousands of years
of human history.Copy !req
239. This is just the norm.Copy !req
240. It's only been in the last, honestly,
100, 120 yearsCopy !req
241. - that what happened is, these embalmers...Copy !req
242. these same men we were talking about,Copy !req
243. - were really able to push the idea...Copy !req
244. that what they were doing
by embalming the bodyCopy !req
245. - is making it safe for the family.
- Holy shit.Copy !req
246. Disinfecting it. Making it acceptable
and safe for the family to see.Copy !req
247. Right.
So whereas before,Copy !req
248. it was mostly women...Copy !req
249. who were in the home,
just washing the bodyCopy !req
250. and waking the body and laying it out,Copy !req
251. now, all of a sudden, you have men
coming in who aren't part of the family,Copy !req
252. who are different professionals,
saying, "It's not safe for you to do it.Copy !req
253. We're gonna need to come get the body,Copy !req
254. prepare it
through this process of embalmingCopy !req
255. and charge you for it."Copy !req
256. Holy shit. Did you say "waking the body"?Copy !req
257. "Waking" meaning, like, viewing the body,Copy !req
258. - laying it out...
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
259. for the family to come around
and hang out with it, basically.Copy !req
260. So, all of a sudden, it now starts to,
in the early 20th century,Copy !req
261. move towards this...Copy !req
262. this financial model.Copy !req
263. Oh, nuts.Copy !req
264. Oh, right.Copy !req
265. - This capitalist model of death...Copy !req
266. where you have to turn your body
over to a funeral home to take it...Copy !req
267. drain the blood, put in the chemicals...Copy !req
268. Wow.Copy !req
269. put on the makeup, put him in a suit
and essentially sell your dad back to you.Copy !req
270. Wow.Copy !req
271. They can't necessarily let people know...Copy !req
272. And what I do primarily is I advocate
for something called home funerals...Copy !req
273. - ... which is not that complicated.Copy !req
274. It's just you taking more initiative
with the death.Copy !req
275. Hey, you going somewhere?
Can I come along with you?Copy !req
276. - Hell, yeah.Copy !req
277. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
278. I love this type of shit.Copy !req
279. Yeah. So say your dad
dies at home on hospice.Copy !req
280. You don't have to call anyone right now.
It's not an emergency.Copy !req
281. He's not decomposing immediately.Copy !req
282. He's not getting dangerous.Copy !req
283. - Wait a sec.
I need the hose.Copy !req
284. He's dead now.
He's gonna be dead two hours from now.Copy !req
285. For my slide.
- Everything's okay. It's not an emergency.Copy !req
286. And just, to the degree
that you feel comfortable,Copy !req
287. sitting with that primal reality,
as we said,Copy !req
288. sitting in that moment.Copy !req
289. - Wow.
- Feeling the feelings that come outCopy !req
290. and only calling the funeral home
when you feel ready.Copy !req
291. Well, it's kinda too late for me.Copy !req
292. Both my parents are friends of yours,
I guess you could say.Copy !req
293. Get back here, you little hose thief!Copy !req
294. You know both time... Both parents... Wow.Copy !req
295. Both parents passing, it was just...Copy !req
296. very...Copy !req
297. It was not like this.Copy !req
298. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
299. That no one sat...Copy !req
300. Interestingly, no one sat with us
and was like, "Listen..."Copy !req
301. Enter!Copy !req
302. "... the body's not diseased."Copy !req
303. No. No one would sit with...
No one would tell you this. No one.Copy !req
304. "The body,
you could just hang out with...Copy !req
305. You probably should hang out
with her or him for a while.Copy !req
306. - Just sit with him. It's okay."Copy !req
307. No one said that.Copy !req
308. And, also, it's not like
there is some great desire in peopleCopy !req
309. to hang out with a dead body.Copy !req
310. Well, you know, that's complicated.Copy !req
311. And that's something that I'm always
thinking about and negotiating.Copy !req
312. Because the people who do it,Copy !req
313. the people who have some inkling that
they might want to do it but aren't sureCopy !req
314. and then they're given the permission,Copy !req
315. they end up having
this magical, transformative experience.Copy !req
316. I say it's like chocolate and puppies.Copy !req
317. Like, that's the kind of feedback
that you get.Copy !req
318. - Right.
- People love it.Copy !req
319. And here's what happens...Copy !req
320. to so many people.Copy !req
321. By the time...Copy !req
322. the dying person
is ready to start talking about it...Copy !req
323. - ... their mind is disintegrating.Copy !req
324. Yes.
So they can't talk about it.Copy !req
325. They're not able to articulate
exactly what it is they want.Copy !req
326. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
327. Right away, your mind goes.Copy !req
328. - Your mind is out of here, man.Copy !req
329. You're, like, fluctuating
through the past, present.Copy !req
330. You're just going into the past—Copy !req
331. You're talking to your husband
who died 20 years ago.Copy !req
332. That's right. You know,
it's totally different from a movie.Copy !req
333. In the movies, a guy's laying there, then,
all of a sudden, he's like, "I'm dying!"Copy !req
334. - Then he just dies. He looks great.Copy !req
335. - Like he just got a facial.Copy !req
336. And then it's like,
"All right, see you later."Copy !req
337. He kind of looks over—Copy !req
338. "I'm sorry I won't be able to make it
to the ball."Copy !req
339. "I'm out of the universe." Not even a...Copy !req
340. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
341. Just literally like...Copy !req
342. Gone.Copy !req
343. - Like, insane.Copy !req
344. Yeah.Copy !req
345. So people see that shit
and they just assume,Copy !req
346. "Oh, I'll start planning for this thing...Copy !req
347. When I start getting sick
is when I'll start planning.Copy !req
348. Based on the statistical probability
of my death,Copy !req
349. I've got some amount of time left
to plan for the thing."Copy !req
350. This is absurdity.Copy !req
351. - You might have some moments...Copy !req
352. of clarity, but when you
have moments of clarity,Copy !req
353. your family wants to talk to you
about how you are and the past.Copy !req
354. They don't want to talk to you
about what your death plan isCopy !req
355. - and if you want to be cremated.Copy !req
356. This was the cool thing about my dad,
because when he was dying, he...Copy !req
357. Man, it was wild. Sometimes he would...Copy !req
358. Sorry, remind me.
What did your dad die of?Copy !req
359. I kill trillions of beings per second.Copy !req
360. The slow fades.Copy !req
361. He stood under a horde shadow
during the Sector Wars.Copy !req
362. A tiny bit of the shadow just seeped in.
He struggled with it his entire life.Copy !req
363. Eventually it got into his lungs.
He was a hero.Copy !req
364. Found out about all his medals
after he died.Copy !req
365. Oh, right, right, right.Copy !req
366. So when he was dying, he...Copy !req
367. Sometimes, he would recognize me.Copy !req
368. Sometimes, he thought that I was someone
who was a soldier from the Sector Wars.Copy !req
369. That's a common thing
for people at the end of life.Copy !req
370. He would be like,
"Who is your commanding officer?"Copy !req
371. He would say things like that.
It was really interesting, but...Copy !req
372. And so, you know, I was thinking,
"Well, I probably won't see him again."Copy !req
373. Like, "Right now what I'm seeing
is this sort of, like, sleepwalker.Copy !req
374. I don't know that I'll see my dad again."Copy !req
375. And then, he'd pop back up.
He popped right out of it.Copy !req
376. There he was.Copy !req
377. And he... And he was...Copy !req
378. Because I have been taught
to be honest with dying people...Copy !req
379. Thank God.Copy !req
380. When he would...
He said, "What's happening?"Copy !req
381. And I'm like, "Oh, you're dying."Copy !req
382. And then he's like, "Oh, okay.Copy !req
383. You'd better go get a pen
and a piece of paper."Copy !req
384. And then he starts telling me, you know,
what to...Copy !req
385. You know, what to say to people.Copy !req
386. It was beautiful. It was wonderful.Copy !req
387. You know, including things which
I still haven't done. I've got to do this.Copy !req
388. - You know, like, send a lunch platterCopy !req
389. to the hospice.Copy !req
390. All these beautiful instructions.
It was... I got lucky that he did this.Copy !req
391. Yeah. You should send a lunch platter
to the hospice.Copy !req
392. - I'm going to.
- They'd love that.Copy !req
393. I'm going to do it.Copy !req
394. Dad, wherever you may be
in the past, present or future,Copy !req
395. it's happening, I'm sorry.Copy !req
396. I'm a little distracted.
That's not a good excuse.Copy !req
397. Easy to send a lunch platter.Copy !req
398. Well, Death, it has been really great
getting to know you.Copy !req
399. Likewise. Thank you
for letting me gab about my work.Copy !req
400. Hey, um, I need the hose.Copy !req
401. Excuse me. Pardon me.
Can you get... That's my hose.Copy !req
402. I need it.Copy !req
403. Hey, I need...Copy !req
404. Hey! Hey, man!Copy !req
405. Hey, man! Hey, man!Copy !req
406. Who dares to waken old Elevator Emperor?Copy !req
407. Anyone up for a game of basketball? No.Copy !req
408. Baseball? No.Copy !req
409. - Ping-pong?
- No!Copy !req
410. Stop fighting it.Copy !req
411. You're gonna be okay. Face the void.Copy !req
412. Besides, you're not gonna die yet.Copy !req
413. That'll be on a rolly chair.Copy !req
414. Rolly chair?Copy !req
415. Holy shit! Yeah!Copy !req
416. Hello, boy.Copy !req
417. Oh, that's my hose.Copy !req
418. What are you? Are you a metaphor?Copy !req
419. Want to slide?Copy !req
420. - Whoo! Yeah!Copy !req
421. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
422. - Woo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
423. This is the best slide I've been on.
Honestly.Copy !req
424. I've been on a lot of waterslides.Copy !req
425. I need you as a bag again.Copy !req
426. Thanks. Bag mode, activate.Copy !req
427. Let's go bag home.Copy !req
428. Goodbye, Blank Ball!Copy !req
429. You suck!Copy !req
430. She said I'm gonna die on a...Copy !req
431. I'm gonna die on a rolly chair!Copy !req
432. Ooh hoo! Ooh hoo!Copy !req
433. Shit!Copy !req
434. - Hey, thanks, Clancy!Copy !req
435. You are welcome.Copy !req
436. Mmm.Copy !req
437. So what are you gonna do now?
Meditate or something?Copy !req
438. Oh, jeez, no. That was embarrassing.Copy !req
439. No, I'm not enlightened anymore.
I wasn't enlightened.Copy !req
440. - That doesn't even mean anything.Copy !req
441. - Hey, Charlotte. Missed you, too.Copy !req
442. What does death look like to you?Copy !req
443. Chirp.Copy !req