The Midnight Gospel 1x1

Directed by Pendleton Ward

Joey Diaz as Chuck Charles / Chef Dardew the Giant Zombie (voice) • Natasha Leggero as Peggy (voice) • David Nichtern as His Divine Grace, God's Scientist (voice) • Johnny Pemberton as President's Aid (voice) • Drew Pinsky as Tiny President (voice)

The simulator lands Clancy on a zombie-ravaged earth, where he meets the president, who's a fan of drugs and meditation.

Request examples:

!req The Midnight Gospel 1x1 [02:32]
!req The Midnight Gospel 1x1 [The Midnight Gospel 1x1]
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Good morning, simulation farmers!

2. This is the Pyromoth keeping you warm on the Ribbon and cool in your heart.

3. Here's a little melody from the old Cuddle Cats

4. with their classic hit

5. "Let Me Up, Let Me Down, But Don't Let Me In."

6. [DJ] Good morning!

7. Ah!

8. Thanks for activating me, Master.

9. Which simulated universe

10. - will you enter today? - Hmm.

11. Mmm, Earth 1-9432.

12. Due to an easily avoidable operator error...

13. - ... all beings on this Earth

14. - have been destroyed. - Ah, shit.

15. Deleting Earth.

16. Earth 4-169,

17. due to yet another operator error, is undergoing a zombie apocalypse.

18. You picked Glasses Man.

19. This sim has a 23 Charisma rating.

20. Great choice!

21. Targeting Glasses Man.

22. Avatar selection screen.

23. - Lady Charlotte, Pig Lord... Mmm.

24. - ... Mr. Liftup, Poppy... I gotta get a new avatar.

25. Beach Body.

26. Whoa! Beach Body selected.

27. Merging with Simulator in...

28. three, two, one...

29. Free the weed! Free the weed!

30. Yeehaw!

31. God!

32. Oh, no! Glasses Man, no, no, no!

33. Please don't be dead! I'm sorry! Please don't be dead.

34. Your little glasses, I'll fix your glasses.

35. I'm the president.

36. Whoa!

37. Cool.

38. Do you mind if I record you for my, um...

39. vid-cast... data-cast...

40. Data-stream. My data-stream.

41. It goes out to everyone in the system. It goes into space.

42. Sure.

43. Okay, great.

44. It just takes a second to set up.

45. - Sorry about this. Wait, hold on a second.

46. I guess... Well, I just want to thank you, first of all.

47. It's a privilege, man.

48. I know you've gotta be incredibly busy right now

49. with the zombie apocalypse happening around you.

50. Yeah, zombies... I really don't wanna talk about zombies.

51. Okay. What about the marijuana protesters?

52. - Those assholes? - Yeah.

53. First of all, people don't understand my point of view.

54. They think somehow I'm anti-pot or anti-legalization.

55. Right. - I'm not actually "pro" either.

56. I'm pro human liberty, I'm pro the American system,

57. pro letting people determine their laws.

58. - Right. - I don't think this is...

59. - If I had to...

60. have a... You know, if somebody pressed my face to the mirror and said,

61. "Is it gonna be good or bad?"

62. I think it might end up being kinda not so good for people,

63. but so, I'll deal with it. I—

64. - But Frescher will deal with it. - Mr. President?

65. - Maybe it will be good. - Excuse me...

66. What? Can't you see I'm doing an interview with...

67. - My name's Clancy. - I gotta get back to Clancy.

68. - The zombies are inside the perimeter.

69. Just get me a rifle, I'll take care of it.

70. - You were saying? - Oh, yeah.

71. I read a recent study that said medical marijuana was associated

72. with close to 30 percent fewer deaths.

73. It's actually... It's actually... More data's come in since that.

74. - What's the data? - The data is if there's a lot of...

75. If there's available recreational pot, opiate use is way down.

76. - So it is helping? Interesting. - Simple. I know.

77. I saw that too. I thought, "This could be the answer!"

78. - Would you mind following me outside? - Yeah.

79. This could be the answer to the opiate epidemic

80. and the chronic pain thing.

81. I would much rather see people on a lot of pot

82. than any of the pills they're taking now,

83. because the pill combo that they get on the opiate and the benzodiazepines

84. and the sleeping medicine... "A," kills.

85. Absolutely, when patients die of drug use,

86. that's how they die today.

87. "B," perpetuates their pain, and they're... and they're...

88. they're, uh, disabled by it!

89. - Yeah. - They're disabled by it. They're helpless.

90. Pot... Some people are on the couch when they smoke a lot of pot,

91. but some people work just fine.

92. Well, one facet of marijuana that doesn't exist in opiates

93. - is that if you overdose on marijuana... - Hello!

94. Thank you, Mr. President!

95. Hello!

96. Thank you, Mr. President!

97. - Hello. - Mr. President, thank you!

98. Anyway...

99. - Um, your mind— - You don't die.

100. - You don't die. - You don't die,

101. but you are dragged through your own personal neurosis,

102. - inner weaknesses, fears— - Oh, if you over...

103. - If you have a, quote, "overdose." Yeah. - People say, "I feel paranoid,"

104. and usually what they mean is,

105. "The marijuana is showing all these parts of myself

106. that I don't necessarily want to deal with right now."

107. That can create a lot of positive change for people. Not all the time.

108. A lot of times, I've definitely been paranoid and the things I've worried about

109. are ridiculous and absurd, and when I sober up, it's...

110. I recognize that, but a lot of times, some of this stuff I'm shown

111. on a heavy dose of marijuana, I come out of that knowing,

112. "Shit, man, I've gotta work on this. I need...

113. Why am I not exercising?

114. I need to exercise more. This is ridiculous.

115. Why am I... I'm drinking a little too much right now.

116. I need to slow down drinking."

117. That... Also, did I ever talk to you about how I almost died on sleeping pills

118. - years and years ago? - No.

119. Oh, God! Oh, man.

120. Um, there was a— A guy came to this party I was at...

121. - selling sleeping pills at, like...

122. - ... 12:00 p.m. at a party. Bizarre.

123. - Worst thing you could ever do. - "Get in your cars now! Go home!"

124. - Yeah, this is— - "How much you were drinking?

125. - Oh, perfect, good combo!" - Yeah. And I bought some from him.

126. I don't even know why I would do that.

127. I'm well aware of the fact that you should never, ever in a million years

128. take benzos and drink.

129. Never do it! It's what kills everybody. This is the death combo!

130. - It is. - So I did it, and I remember—

131. One of the death combos. There are a few of them out there.

132. I think I took one pill,

133. and then I'm drinking and, like, feeling relaxed, and...

134. - But I forgot I— This is the danger of benzos.

135. This is how it kills you. Yeah, you forget.

136. I took another. - Ambien does that. You forget.

137. By the way, I... Let me just clarify my—

138. I hate this idea of "good" drugs and "bad" drugs.

139. There's no such thing as a good and a bad drug.

140. There's this chemical that's neither good nor bad, it just exists,

141. we either created it or it exists in nature,

142. and then it's the relationship

143. that humans have with the substance that is the issue.

144. - So smart. - And what our individual biology is,

145. and what it triggers and whatnot.

146. That's the problem.

147. Like, Valium...

148. What, if you're... need to have a colonoscopy...

149. - Valium or Valium-like drug— Good! - Right.

150. Now, if you're just drinking absinthe and partying and about to drive home,

151. - really bad! Yeah!

152. Oh! Thank you, sir! - Not because Valium's good or bad,

153. 'cause the circumstance and the relationship is bad.

154. I'll never forget it, man.

155. I was laying in bed that night,

156. trying to remember how many of the pills I'd taken.

157. - As I'm passing out— - God.

158. And then I realize, "Oh, I can't move!"

159. - Like... - Oh!

160. I'm... If I wanted to get up right now, I don't think that I could get up.

161. - This is as I'm fading out into darkness. - Oh, jeez!

162. Then I woke up the next day, thank God, and I was alive,

163. - but if I had vomited, I would've died. - That's it, that's how they die.

164. - Yeah, I have a friend who died. - It's called aspiration pneumonia.

165. Sorry, sir.

166. You don't have to vomit a lot either.

167. Sometimes, it can just be reflux. Sometimes, a little saliva.

168. And it goes down the wrong tube, gets into your lungs,

169. and all the bacteria that's in your mouth

170. goes into your lungs, where it don't belong.

171. You set up a pneumonia, become septic,

172. you go into shock and you die in about 30 minutes, 50, 60 minutes.

173. - It can happen fast. - Oh, my God!

174. - Those things are evil. Yeah.

175. - Evil, evil, evil. - Well, no...

176. In that situation. It's not the chemical. The chemical's just a thing of nature.

177. Mr. President!

178. Look, we're gonna have to initiate Alpha Protocol.

179. Cool! - Onward, Charlotte!

180. Good luck, sir! It's been a privilege to serve under you, and—

181. What's interesting to me...

182. I'm clarifying our sort of back-and-forth, too, because I...

183. You know, I love being around people

184. that help me see the world through new glasses. You're one of those.

185. Thank you!

186. And so I'm open to all the stuff you say, and I think it's fascinating.

187. Then I go, "But you could hurt somebody!"

188. You notice that?

189. - I'm always like, "What if?" - Yeah.

190. In the past, the Founding Fathers

191. talked about pumping mushrooms

192. - into horrible world leaders. - Yeah!

193. - And— That's right.

194. And we said, "He could get insight and be happy

195. and he'd realize what he was doing." I thought, "Or he'd go darker!"

196. - We don't know. That's true. - It's the "or" that always—

197. We'd better get out of here. For sure.

198. The zombies are coming. Come on.

199. One of my favorite statements is, you know,

200. "Health is about accepting and perceiving and dealing with reality

201. - on reality's terms." - Mm.

202. Is there anybody out there?

203. This is Chuck Charles. If you wanna get saved— Get in!

204. Come to the mall! Get in!

205. Now, you said something that stayed with me,

206. which was the analogy

207. - of the elevator hallucinogen. - Yes.

208. - Do you use that often, or is that— - The metaphor is that it's compared

209. to an elevator that takes you up to the very top floor of this building

210. where this incredible party is happening.

211. The doors open up, you see this amazing utopian nirvana situation.

212. That you never knew was there, you'd never seen it before.

213. Never even knew it was there, and the elevator, the thing dings,

214. the doors shut, it comes back down,

215. and suddenly, you're screaming at people in traffic again.

216. So, that's an analogy for what hallucinogens do.

217. That's right.

218. And this is... Again, my contribution is, I went,

219. "What if it doesn't let you off on the first floor

220. and ends up two floors into the basement?"

221. - Taking you lower? - Taking you lower.

222. The doctor in me always worries about that.

223. Yeah, and let's say that it does take you lower.

224. Let's say that you get to go up in a hot-air balloon

225. and see the top of some beautiful mountain,

226. then the hot-air balloon gets blown off course a little bit.

227. You've still seen the top of the mountain, and I think that...

228. - There's the independent value of that.

229. - Holy shit! - [thuds, screams]

230. - Shit! - Die, die, die!

231. Die again!

232. - Are you fucking kidding me? - Come here.

233. Fuck you! - Come on.

234. - Are you okay? - Yeah. Just keep moving.

235. You know what's weird? Why are we even running from them?

236. - They're pretty slow. I know!

237. Look, we could just stand... Let's just stand still.

238. - Come get me! Come on, zombies! - Right here!

239. Oh, no. I think that's my aunt.

240. Oh, my God, a mall.

241. Then I asked the question,

242. - "So how do we get there...

243. in a way that we're in control of it?"

244. - Damn zombos! - Yeah, that's the big question.

245. I think it's a lot of things. I think...

246. You know, I am, right now, really into this type of meditation which is, um...

247. just the process of sitting still, watching your breath

248. and being very aware of your thoughts, emotions and the way your body feels.

249. And it's just this...

250. something called "mindfulness." It's the practice of mindfulness,

251. which is just watching the way that you act, and the way that you feel,

252. - and the way that you think. - I think this is the cure!

253. And becoming aware of the roots of a lot of the emotions

254. - that exist in you. - Yeah.

255. Especially for me. Like, I get angry,

256. and I will have angry outbursts sometimes.

257. Yeah, thank you for looking perplexed that that happens. It happens!

258. It— it— Just sitting by yourself, anger will come out,

259. - or is it, like, traffic?

260. Well, no... It's gotten much better.

261. But, I mean, when I was much younger,

262. I was just an angry person, so I would, like...

263. I can remember my printer didn't work one day,

264. and I remember screaming alone in my apartment,

265. breaking my printer in just a rage.

266. I'm cured!

267. It's time for a game of hacky sack! Woo-hoo!

268. That's a thing that's inside of me,

269. and that's why psychedelics have been very useful to me.

270. - Get in.

271. But also, meditation has been incredibly useful,

272. because now I can sit and I can meditate, and then maybe the dogs will bark, right,

273. - while I'm meditating.

274. I can watch the irritation sort of flower inside of me,

275. and then when it's there, they say, "Look at it as though

276. you're sitting in a forest and you're getting to watch a rare animal...

277. walking out into a clearing."

278. And instead of, you know... As most of us do when anger comes in,

279. we react to it, we go into reactivity mode,

280. which is, maybe, you would stop meditating and scream at your dogs,

281. or you would do something to make them quiet.

282. Behavior that amplifies it. - Yeah, that's it. So you just watch.

283. - You watch.

284. Buddhism compares anger to a sweet flower with bitter roots,

285. and so we follow the sweetness down.

286. Is she in labor?

287. - Yeah, she's, like— - Okay. All right.

288. Hey, you all right? Need anything?

289. - Just breathe. - We were planning a water birth.

290. Pull over. Maybe we can find something.

291. Hmm.

292. What? - Oh, my God!

293. What are we talking about?

294. He was talking about meditation or something.

295. Yeah. Or just watching your feelings, you know?

296. You follow the feelings down into the poisonous roots—

297. Do you do that in a feeling way or an insight way, if that makes sense?

298. Do you just follow the feelings, or do you have some sort of specific,

299. "That reminds me of some experience," or something?

300. Well, it's called "noting," so you would... You can...

301. You know, it's like... It's just...

302. - Think about an emotion. - Yeah.

303. These are these really kind of ambiguous...

304. These bodily-based things you're faintly aware of many times.

305. - Yeah, exactly. What is that thing, right? - Yeah.

306. So this is the practice of taking a microscope

307. and looking into the recurring emotional patterns that are happening inside of you.

308. Because most of the time, if you have a negative emotion,

309. - you'll try to avoid it. - Yeah.

310. - You try to move onto the next activity... - Oh, come on!

311. Damn zombos.

312. - What if we don't turn our backs... - What?

313. and zoom in on the thing and see,

314. what is this fractal?

315. It's really an interesting practice.

316. - Just... - All right.

317. - And push!

318. - Breathe! - Oh, no.

319. - You can do this! - Push. Breathing's before. Push.

320. But then you breathe. Isn't it breathing first?

321. - No, it's push! Oh, hello, there!

322. Let's get out of here.

323. In Buddhism, the idea is all of those mental forms of analysis of these things

324. - are kind of secondary to...

325. the very simple observation of the way any emotional state or thought

326. or bodily feeling has a similar pattern

327. in that it heightens, dissipates, and goes away.

328. For me, a lot of that magical stuff you're talking about happens

329. in an interpersonal context.

330. I'm a kind of person that it's very difficult for me

331. to stay with some of those things unless there's a presence.

332. There are also people like you that, you know, you see in my field,

333. and that's a massive field these days.

334. Most people that practice it don't do it as well as what you're describing.

335. What you're saying is a big part of the practice, too.

336. You're talking about sangha, the spiritual community,

337. - which is acknowledged in Buddhism too.

338. - What's important is,

339. let's encourage each other to get as close to the truth as we can.

340. Or, as you mentioned earlier, to meeting reality on reality's terms.

341. I think that the big surprise is everyone's like, "Oh, reality sucks,

342. - the world sucks—" Come here, bud.

343. We're trying to do this process where we sort of keep going backwards

344. until we can't look at ourselves anymore.

345. We want to go to this complete observer state until you get to the thing...

346. Awareness of awareness. - That's it.

347. - Yeah. - And then you become pure awareness,

348. and the concept is that is what we really are,

349. and that this entire material universe, including our body,

350. - is a kind of phen— I can't say it.

351. - Phenomenological. - Phenomenological field of phenomena.

352. A field of phenomena being encapsulated within this consciousness,

353. and so the idea that I am alone, or the idea that I am an individual,

354. is actually, interestingly enough, you're already not.

355. It's false. It's a distortion.

356. 'Cause you're the thing and the observer simultaneously meeting together,

357. - and that creates the illusion of self.

358. I mean, if the universe was a dolphin,

359. then, basically, our bodies would be a fishing net.

360. We're all kind of entangled in ourselves.

361. You feel shit like that when you're high on acid?

362. Yes, you do.

363. Ah!

364. Whoa!

365. This feels really good.

366. Oh, yeah! Oh, my God, I'm in love with it!

367. Yeah, it kinda sounds like the zombies are...

368. The zombos are singing!

369. Now I see there's nothing to get in and nothing to get out of!

370. It's that simple!

371. Dan!

372. Mr. President!

373. Oh!

374. We're here to save you, Mr. President.

375. We have the antidote harpoon.

376. Do not panic. We will hand you the antidote crossbow.

377. Firing the antidote harpoon.

378. - Yeah! Blast the antidote harpoon now!

379. Fire the antidote!

380. - Fire a zombie antidote at the president!

381. Thank you so much for being a great guest. Do you have any last words?

382. Thank you for having me!

383. Last words... There's no such thing as a bad drug.

384. It's the circumstances!

385. Goodbye!

386. Holy shit, friends! Did you see that?

387. Guts ripped out, and yet, here I am, all in one piece.

388. Thank you so much, oh, great denizens of the multiverse,

389. for listening to Midnight Gospel.

390. And to my one subscriber, Hernog Jenson, I live for you.

391. You're the reason I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face,

392. so keep listening, Hernog, and I'll see you in your dreams.

393. I love being around people who help me see the world through new glasses,

394. and you're one of those people.

395. There's no such thing as a bad drug.

396. - [President, distorted] Good drugs... Get in!

397. [President, distorted] Good drugs...

398. [Chuck, distorted] Get in!

399. [Chuck, distorted] Get in!

400. Good drugs...