1. Can I get a carrot cake?
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2. A whole cake?
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3. I'm having dinner
with Lola and her parents.
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4. So you're getting carrot cake?
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5. Isn't that a little cliche?
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6. Rabbits? Carrots?
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7. Here's your carrot cake.
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8. You know, on second thought,
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9. I think I'll get
a lemon meringue pie instead.
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10. Ooh. That sounds good.
Can I get a sample of that?
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11. I'm sorry.
We don't give samples.
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12. What? How do I know if I want
it if I can't sample it first?
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13. Come on.
Just give me a little taste.
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14. Here you go.
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15. What is the big deal?
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16. I'm talking about
a teeny little taste.
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17. No one would know.
What, do you think
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18. I'm going to shove
my whole hand in it?
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19. You think I'm going
to rub my face in it
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20. and ruin it for everyone else?
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21. Well, I wouldn't do that!
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22. I would take a teeny little taste
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23. and then decide if I wanted it.
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24. Mmm.
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25. And I don't.
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26. You know what? I'll take
the carrot cake after all.
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27. - What are you writing?
- Do you mind?
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28. And why do you smell
like a lemon meringue pie?
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29. When are you done?
I need attention!
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30. I said give me 5 minutes!
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31. - How do you work your TV?
- Shh.
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32. Someone's in a mood.
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33. Am I an apple
or a pear-shape?
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34. Be quiet!
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35. Pear.
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36. What were you writing?
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37. An email to my boss
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38. telling him everything
I can't stand about him,
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39. why he's a complete idiot,
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40. and how he's a terrible manager,
and I hope he gets fired.
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41. You sent that to your boss?
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42. No, I wrote it to my boss,
but I'm not going to send it.
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43. I'm going to delete it.
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44. Much better.
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45. I don't get it.
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46. I mean, why would you go
to all the trouble
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47. to spell words and put them in
sentences and then delete it?
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48. It's a way to release anger
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49. and vent your feelings
without any repercussions.
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50. I do it all the time.
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51. Believe me, I've deleted
plenty of emails to you.
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52. Come on.
Let's go to dinner.
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53. What? I'm a pear!
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54. The skirt draws the eye
to my trim waistline
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55. and away from my generous hip area.
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56. I'll give it back.
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57. Bugs, this carrot cake is delicious.
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58. You know what's delicious?
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59. Lemon meringue pie.
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60. Have you ever had
a lemon meringue pie?
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61. I haven't had a lemon meringue
pie in years.
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62. But let's not dwell
on what you don't have.
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63. Let's be thankful for what you do.
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64. To bugs!
And his second-rate dessert.
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65. I am so happy that Lola found you.
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66. No matter where I hide,
she always does.
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67. You know, when Lola was a little girl,
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68. her only companion was
an imaginary friend.
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69. She used to talk to her for hours.
What was her name?
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70. Lola, what was the name
of your imaginary friend?
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71. Well, if you're going to be like that,
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72. I'm not going to invite you
to dinner anymore.
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73. Huh? Oh, I'm sorry.
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74. I was just having
a conversation with Piper.
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75. Piper!
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76. So, Mr. Bunny.
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77. Walter.
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78. Walter.
That's quite a family photo.
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79. Isn't it fun?
We take one every year.
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80. Wow. Matching pajamas.
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81. I have a great idea.
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82. Bugs should be in
our family photo this year.
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83. - What a splendid idea!
- Wonderful.
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84. Oh, no. I couldn't.
It's just for family.
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85. Don't be silly.
You are family!
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86. Yeah. Besides,
Piper's in all of them.
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87. What do you say?
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88. Ehh...
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89. Ok.
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90. - No way.
- What?
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91. But you just said,
"Ehh, ok."
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92. I'll look stupid.
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93. First of all,
you could never look stupid.
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94. Second of all, this photo isn't
about looks, it's about family.
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95. And third of all, did that carrot cake
make your stomach feel a little weird?
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96. Do we really need to wear
matching outfits?
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97. That's what makes it fun!
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98. Please? I promise, I will never,
ever ask you for another favor.
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99. - Fine.
- Yay!
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100. Oh, quick favor.
Can you drive Piper home?
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101. She lives really close.
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102. Piper, you good back there,
you want to sit up front?
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103. She's good back there.
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104. Whatcha writing?
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105. A hate-filled email.
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106. Sounds healthy.
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107. And... done!
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108. Finally sent your little email?
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109. Oho, I didn't send it.
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110. That's the beauty of this
little psychological exercise.
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111. I get to express
all of my rage and jealousy,
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112. bitterness and disgust,
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113. without a single
negative repercussion.
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114. How so?
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115. Because instead of pressing "Send,"
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116. I simply press delete.
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117. Oh, no!
How do I get it back?
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118. Do something!
Get it back! Get it back!
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119. Relax.
Who'd you send it to?
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120. Who'd I send it to?
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121. I don't think that many people.
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122. You didn't send that to me, did you?
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123. What? No.
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124. What bad things could I say about you?
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125. I love you.
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126. So, if I checked my
email right now,
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127. there'd be nothing from you.
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128. Nope.
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129. Yah!
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130. Ha! Delete!
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131. I mean, see?
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132. There was no email!
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133. Uh...
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134. My tooth!
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135. What? It's not like you're
about to take a family photo.
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136. Oof. You really did
a number on this guy.
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137. But we'll put a cap on it.
You'll be good as new.
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138. What a relief.
I have to be in
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139. my girlfriend's family photo
later today.
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140. Today?
You're kidding me.
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141. A tooth the size of yours?
It's a monster.
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142. It'll take a week at least.
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143. Maybe I could smile with
my mouth closed.
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144. Uh, that doesn't look so bad.
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145. By the way, I got your friend's email.
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146. He's a real yutz, between you and me.
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147. Did you read it?
It's very hostile.
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148. I don't like hostility
in a doctor's practice.
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149. Psst!
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150. What's with the sunglasses?
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151. I'm keeping a low profile.
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152. You've got some nerve.
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153. What?
Because of the email?
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154. Because I said you're not
a scary witch? You're not!
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155. I mean, what's the point
of the big hat
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156. and the green skin
and that stupid wand
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157. if you're not going to
do anything scary with them?
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158. You want to see scary?
I'll show you scary.
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159. You better watch who
you talking to,
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160. - and I ain't playing!
- Aah!
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161. More iced tea?
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162. Not too much ice.
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163. You're mad?
Why are you mad?
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164. Because I said calling yourself
speedy sounds braggy? It does!
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165. I don't call myself handsome.
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166. You know what people
should call you? Jerk.
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167. Why is everyone so mad at you?
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168. I accidentally sent a mass email
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169. spelling out in great detail
how I feel about people.
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170. Who else did you send it to?
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171. Everybody. Everyone
I've ever interacted with.
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172. Everyone who matters to me,
who I have a relationship with.
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173. Anyone who makes
any impression on me at all.
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174. So everybody.
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175. Every single person in my life.
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176. You didn't send it to me.
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177. Huh.
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178. Tina!
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179. Hold it right there!
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180. I got your little email.
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181. I read every word.
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182. And I gots just one thing
to say to you
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183. thank you, brother.
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184. You are so right.
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185. It was like you held a mirror up
to my soul.
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186. It gave me the kick in the pants
I needed
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187. to finally make a change
for the better.
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188. Well, say good-bye to
the man you once knew,
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189. because my transformation begins now.
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190. That was a mask?
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191. Huh. I wonder if Tina will have
a similar reaction.
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192. Mother.
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193. Hey, Bugs.
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194. Oh, hey, Lola.
I'll be down in a minute.
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195. Oh, take your time.
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196. I'm just going to lay out
some fun stuff
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197. for today's photo shoot.
It's a Western theme.
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198. Piper and I were up all night
bedazzling matching denim jumpsuits.
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199. Well, they're not
actual denim jumpsuits
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200. 'cause I couldn't find
denim jumpsuits.
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201. So I took jeans
and sewed denim jackets to them.
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202. And... well, they're a little hard
to get in and out of,
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203. so, you know, once you have them
on, they're pretty much on.
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204. Oh, I'm so excited!
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205. This is going to be
the best family photo ever.
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206. Oh!
What happened to your tooth?
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207. Oh, yeah. Daffy accidentally
chipped it with my phone.
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208. They can't fix it until next week.
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209. Oh, so is this what we're wearing?
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210. Huh? Oh, no.
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211. Mmm. No, no. Heh.
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212. No, we cancelled the photo.
We cancelled it.
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213. Um, this stuff was all here
when I got here,
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214. just lying out when I got here.
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215. Must be Daffy's.
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216. You cancelled the photo?
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217. You know, I just started thinking.
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218. Family photos are dumb.
You don't...
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219. you don't need a photo to know
who's in your family, right?
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220. You know already for your whole life.
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221. You know who your family is.
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222. It's because of my tooth, isn't it?
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223. What? No.
Your tooth? No.
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224. We're just...
we're not taking a photo this year.
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225. So...
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226. you don't want me to be in the photo
because of my tooth.
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227. What?
Don't be ridiculous.
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228. I barely even noticed
your broken, gnarled,
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229. really jacked-up tooth.
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230. I'm going to be in that photo.
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231. Oh, no, you're not.
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232. You don't even know
where we're taking it,
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233. and you'll never find us.
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234. Who are you calling?
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235. Walter! Bugs.
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236. So looking forward
to the family photo.
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237. Where are we taking it again?
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238. Oh, no, you're not.
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239. Oh, that's right, the dude ranch!
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240. See you there, pardner.
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241. Ah, pardner.
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242. You are not going to be in that photo!
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243. Oh, I'm going to be in that photo!
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244. And not only am I going to be in it,
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245. I'm going to be smiling so big...
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246. All you'll see is...
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247. This broken, gnarled,
jacked-up tooth!
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248. Good afternoon, neighbor!
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249. Sam?
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250. Could I get 100 copies?
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251. Reward for a lost wallet?
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252. The wallet is the reward.
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253. Can you ever forgive me?
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254. I don't know what I would do
if I ever lost you!
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255. I mean, I'm sure I'd date again.
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256. Who knows? Maybe I'd meet
somebody better.
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257. What are you talking about?
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258. The email.
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259. What email?
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260. You didn't get my email this morning?
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261. No, I've been here
since 6:00.
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262. My boss doubled my shift.
I didn't even get a lunch break.
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263. My phone's dead.
I left my charger at home.
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264. And I'm still here another 3 hours.
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265. That's great!
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266. I mean, uh, I'm so sorry for you,
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267. my one true love.
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268. Mwah.
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269. Yes!
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270. Yes! Yes!
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271. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
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272. Oh, yeah!
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273. Bugs! Twice in one day.
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274. To what do I owe the pleasure?
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275. I need to borrow some cowboy clothes
for a photo I'm taking.
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276. Photo? With your choppers
all jacked up?
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277. I'm kind of in a hurry.
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278. Oh, absolutely!
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279. There's more where that came from.
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280. I don't wear it anymore.
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281. Uh, thanks.
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282. Have a great rest of your day!
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283. Explain
to me what we're doing here.
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284. I need you to help me break into
Tina's apartment and delete the email.
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285. You didn't think I was important
enough to send the email to,
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286. and now, you want my help?
You're on your own.
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287. Porky, if you help me with this,
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288. I promise, I will send you
a long, detailed email
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289. describing everything
I don't like about you.
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290. You promise?
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291. Porky, I am nothing
if not a man of principle.
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292. Now, let's break into this apartment.
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293. Aah!
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294. Where are Bugs and Lola?
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295. Get in the car! We're taking
the picture somewhere else!
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296. - Where's Bugs?
- What?
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297. Oh, he... he fell down a well.
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298. - What?
- Come on!
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299. Hey!
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300. Change of plans.
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301. Hyah! Come on!
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302. Aah!
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303. It's asking me for a password.
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304. Who has a password on their computer?
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305. What could her password be?
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306. Hmm.
It's usually something personal.
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307. What's her mother's maiden name?
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308. Mmm.
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309. Does she have a pet?
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310. Hmm.
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311. Do you know her favorite color?
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312. Hmm.
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313. - What city was she born in?
- Mmm.
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314. Do you know anything about her?
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315. Hmm...
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316. I think her name's Tina,
but I'm not 100%.
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317. So a lot of times,
I just call her buddy.
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318. Surprise!
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319. Buddy.
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320. What are you doing here?
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321. I, uh... I know
what a hard day you've had,
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322. so we came over to make you dinner.
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323. You know Porky's a caterer, right?
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324. This is weird.
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325. You're just tired from your day.
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326. Come with me.
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327. You take a hot bath.
We'll make you dinner.
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328. You have to make her dinner.
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329. What am I supposed to make?
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330. I don't know.
You're the caterer.
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331. I have to figure
out her password.
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332. Darling? I hate to bother you
while you're soaking,
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333. but what was
your mother's maiden name?
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334. Romano. Why?
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335. Uh, I just wanted to write her
a thank-you note
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336. for giving birth to you.
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337. Well, how come you want
her maiden name?
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338. Oh. Well, I didn't want your
father to open it by mistake,
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339. because I want to send him
a separate thank-you note.
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340. Keep soaking!
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341. - There's no food in here!
- Get creative!
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342. Turn yourself into a hot dog,
if you have to!
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343. Romano.
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344. Bingo. I'm in.
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345. Here it is.
It's still unread.
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346. Michael? Who's Michael?
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347. "Dear Tina,
I can't wait to see you again.
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348. I miss you and love you"?
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349. What are you doing?
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350. - Who's Michael?
- What?
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351. Do not play dumb with me.
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352. I read the email from Michael.
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353. Michael's my brother.
You met him?
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354. Oh, right.
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355. - What's this?
- Don't look at that.
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356. Is this the email
you were talking about?
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357. I can't look!
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358. Man, this is long.
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359. Foghorn, Speedy...
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360. Whoa. You really laid
into those gophers.
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361. Oh. Here we go.
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362. "I know I've said
a lot of terrible things
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363. "about a lot of terrible people,
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364. but I've saved the terriblest
for my girlfriend Tina."
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365. "I have known
many deranged people in my life,
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366. but I've never encountered the kind of
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367. "profound mental instability
that she possesses.
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368. Tina Russo is a psychopath."
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369. It's worse than I thought.
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370. "She may have everyone else fooled,
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371. "but I know the truth.
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372. "Why else would the kindest,
most beautiful,
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373. "generous, and intelligent woman
in the world go out
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374. with someone like me?"
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375. - I love you.
- What?
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376. You're not going to kill me?
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377. Ehh. Call me crazy.
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378. Actually, I called you a psychopath.
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379. Now, where's my catered dinner?
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380. Bugs! You got out of the well!
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381. - What?
- Oh, but your tooth is all jacked up!
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382. You're not getting in this photo!
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383. Oh, I'm getting in that photo!
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384. I knew I'd get in that photo.
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385. And... send.
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386. Oh! I deleted it!
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387. Was that your apology email?
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388. Nah. It was something
I promised I'd send to Porky.
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389. I bet he forgot all about it.
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390. Besides, I don't
need to apologize to anyone.
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391. Ever heard of the expression
"Time heals all wounds"?
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392. Oh, hey, grandma.
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393. Oof.
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394. You'll be all right.
Time will heal that.
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395. I loved this book.
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396. When Alex stood in front
of Rebecca's front door...
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397. Oh! And he didn't have
the courage to knock?
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398. Oh! Heartbreaking.
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399. I... I was sobbing.
Yosemite, what did you think of Alex?
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400. Excuse me for just a moment.
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401. - So good, really.
- I really loved it.
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402. You want to know what I think of Alex?
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403. Well, I...
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404. think he's pathetic!
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405. I mean, that's your protagonist?
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406. There's no arc to that character!
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407. What obstacle did he overcome?
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408. What was his emotional journey?
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409. In fact, the only thing
that's more pathetic than Alex
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410. is this book club!
Now, get out!
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411. Get! Get!
And don't forget your books!
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412. Yosemite Sam is back!
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413. Yee-haw!
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414. Piper, There you are!
I been looking all over for you.
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415. You're crazy.
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