The Looney Tunes Show 2x1

Directed by Swinton O. Scott III

Daffy coaches Gossamer’s water polo team despite having no experience. Meanwhile, Bugs becomes addicted to Porky’s unhealthy, butter-loaded catering.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Okay, everybody.

2. I want to introduce the rest of the workout team.

3. This is Tracy and Jessie.

4. Alright, we're gonna start you off with a light jog.

5. Just jog in place...

6. You want to really warm up those legs.

7. Get 'em ready for what's to come.

8. Want to see a movie with me and Porky?

9. Can't. I'm doing my workout.

10. And now, let's do some jumping Jacks.

11. You're going to want to keep your core tight and your arms straight.

12. Will you get me a water?

13. No.

14. Ooh?

15. Will you get me a water?

16. And now, let's go with some squat thrusts.

17. You know it's dangerous to work out

18. without being properly hydrated.

19. You're going to feel this in your glutes.

20. We're really going to blast those glutes later.

21. Ohh! My glutes! Ahh. Ooh.

22. They're really locked up.

23. Hi, Mr. Duck.

24. I told you,

25. you don't have to call me Mr. Duck.

26. It's Dr. Duck.

27. Sorry. Um...

28. We want to ask you something.

29. Yes, you can have my autograph.

30. Ok. Also, we were wondering

31. if you would be the coach for our water polo team.

32. Coach! That's a title I've never had,

33. or even lied about having. What does it pay?

34. Oh. I don't think you get any money. It's just for fun.

35. Fun? Let me tell you kids something.

36. If I'm your coach, you're not going to have any fun,

37. but what you are going to have is discipline,

38. conditioning, and wins.

39. If you want to have fun,

40. then go over to granny's and ask her to be your water polo coach.

41. Ok, fine. We'll have a little fun.

42. Yay! Thanks, Dr. Duck.

43. It's coach...

44. Dr. Duck.

45. What did they say I'm coaching? Water polo?

46. What the heck is water polo?

47. Hey, pork. Ready to go?

48. Give me a few minutes.

49. What's all this?

50. I had a catering job this morning.

51. How did it go?

52. Oh, not so good.

53. They barely ate anything.

54. I don't think they liked my cooking.

55. What? Let me try.

56. You don't like it.

57. No. It's fine. A little bland, maybe.

58. Let me try this guy.

59. Oh, Porky.

60. Where are you getting your recipes?

61. All these cookbooks I bought.

62. Hmm.

63. What's this?

64. Those are my grandmother's old recipes.

65. I remember loving her food.

66. "Flaky, creamy chicken casserole"?

67. "Savory cheddar bread"? "Butter pie"?

68. These sound delicious.

69. Why ain't you making any of these?

70. I don't know. They don't sound very healthy.

71. Porky, you're a caterer.

72. You just need them to taste good.

73. Hmm. All right. I'll do it.

74. We should get going. The movie's going to start soon.

75. Do you have a mint, or some gum?

76. That last one... ooh. Not good.

77. Ok, bobcats. Gather 'round.

78. Take a knee.

79. Let's see what we've got here.

80. One boy... Two girls...

81. And a monster.

82. No obvious athletes, none of you attractive.

83. What's your name?

84. - Emily. - Emily?

85. I'm never going to remember that.

86. - What about you? - Andrew.

87. Yeah. These names are impossible.

88. You know what? I'm just going to call everyone Jennifer.

89. Now, Jennifer, any preexisting injuries I should know about?

90. - No. - I get stomachaches.

91. - Not really. - What does preexisting mean?

92. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jennifers, I was talking to Jennifer.

93. Which Jennifer?

94. Ok. I'm obviously going to have to

95. dumb it down for you guys.

96. So you're Jennifer one,

97. you're Jennifer... Wait, no.

98. You're Jennifer one, you're Jennifer two,

99. you're Jennifer three,

100. and you're... I was going to say Jennifer four,

101. but you don't look like a Jennifer four,

102. so you're going to be Jennifer three,

103. and you're going to be... Emily.

104. But that's my actual name. Won't that be confusing?

105. Now, let's get in the pool.

106. Everyone, pick a horse!

107. Um, coach?

108. There aren't horses in water polo.

109. Huh. I have a feeling it's going to be harder

110. to get them out of the pool than it was to get them in it.

111. Mmm. Porky, this is delicious. What's in this?

112. Butter, sugar, cinnamon...

113. Mmm. So good.

114. Mmm. Ah. This is even better.

115. What's in this one?

116. That's got butter, sausage, heavy cream...

117. Mm. No, this one's my favorite. What's this one?

118. That's not one. That's a stick of butter.

119. Hmm.

120. Mmm. What smells so good?

121. Porky's trying out his grandmother's recipes.

122. You got to try some.

123. Can't. Swimsuit season.

124. By the way, Bugs, from now on,

125. - I'm holding water polo practice in our pool. - Why?

126. The other pool had to be drained and resurfaced.

127. Apparently, horses are land animals.

128. You're coaching water polo?

129. But I didn't think you knew how to swim.

130. I don't. Name reason why I, as those children's coach,

131. would need to know how to swim.

132. What if one of them gets into trouble,

133. and you need to jump in and save them?

134. What if! What if an asteroid hits the earth?

135. What if robots take all our jobs?

136. You can't live by "what if," Porky.

137. That's my team now.

138. Mmm.

139. I can't stop eating this stuff.

140. And now, all I need is a party to cater.

141. Why don't I have a party? You can cater that.

142. - Really? - Why not?

143. You get a job, I get to eat your delicious food.

144. Thanks, Bugs.

145. Maybe one more.

146. Bring it in, everybody.

147. Take a knee.

148. Get 'em back up!

149. All right, all right, calm down.

150. You're a team now,

151. so you got to start acting like a team.

152. You got to be aware of each other in that pool. Got it?

153. I don't want you to listen,

154. I want you to hear.

155. I don't want you to look,

156. I want you to see.

157. Now, look at me and listen up.

158. Jennifer three, you're going to be our captain.

159. - I'm Jennifer three. - I'm Jennifer one.

160. You know what? We've got too many Jennifers.

161. New nicknames.

162. You're glasses, you're freckles,

163. and you're big teeth.

164. What's my nickname?

165. Hmm. I say we stick with Emily.

166. It suits you.

167. All right. Start playing.

168. - But we don't have a ball. - You need a ball?

169. Taz, give me your ball.

170. See what's happening?

171. He's listening, but not hearing.

172. Oh! My glutes!

173. Where are you from, again?

174. Buttered scallop potato puff?

175. Mmm. Oh, guys. Do yourself a favor.

176. They melt in your mouth. I can't stop eating them.

177. Mmm!

178. Mmm. Butter and molasses fritters.

179. I haven't had one since I was a little girl!

180. You got to try these cheddar cheese dumplings with creamy gravy.

181. Mmm!

182. Are those butter and molasses fritters?

183. When did he make those?

184. Buh-buh-buh! What are you doing?

185. Eating.

186. Do you know how much butter there is in this stuff?

187. You are in training!

188. What do you think you're doing?

189. My son had a healthy lunch, and because I'm his mama,

190. I told him he could have dessert.

191. Well, I'm his coach,

192. which means for the rest of the season, I'm his mama.

193. And his papa, his friend, his teacher.

194. I'm everything to this kid, and if you don't like it,

195. then you shouldn't have entrusted him in my care.

196. I didn't. I specifically told gossamer to stay away from you.

197. When are you going to listen to me?

198. What did I tell you about these recipes, huh?

199. You were right.

200. The Gophers asked me to cater for them tomorrow night.

201. Tomorrow night?

202. What am I going to eat tomorrow night?

203. There's a ton of food here.

204. I'm sure there will be leftovers.

205. Are you kidding? Look around!

206. There's going to be nothing left!

207. You tell those Gophers you're busy tomorrow night.

208. - With what? - My party.

209. You just had a party. You're still having it.

210. Tomorrow night, 8:00.

211. And bring the butter pie.

212. Men, this is your first game.

213. You're probably scared.

214. You feel like you're going to lose,

215. maybe even get humiliated out there.

216. Well, I know exactly how you feel.

217. You see, years ago,

218. I was a small-time boxer

219. living in a tiny apartment in Philadelphia.

220. Out of the blue, the heavyweight champion of the world

221. gave me a shot at the title.

222. He knew I didn't stand a chance,

223. but he liked my nickname... the Italian Stallion.

224. One day, I met this very shy girl named Adrian at a pet store,

225. and we fell in love.

226. Her brother Pauly got me a job at his meat packing plant,

227. where I would beat on the carcasses hanging in the freezer.

228. For nutrition, I ate raw eggs,

229. and for speed, my trainer made me chase chickens.

230. Now, I know what you're all wondering.

231. Did I defeat the heavyweight champion of the world?

232. No. But I went the distance.

233. And you know what that proved?

234. That I wasn't just another bum from the neighborhood.

235. Wasn't that a movie?

236. You know, I think they did make a movie out of it.

237. That's how incredible my story is.

238. Ooh, remind me to tell you about the time

239. I was swept away in a tornado

240. and ended up in a magical land

241. with nothing but my little dog Toto

242. and my ruby red slippers.

243. But right now, we've got a game to win!

244. - On 3! - 1, 2, 3!

245. - Bobcats! - Rocky!

246. Bobcats.

247. Are you mad at us because we lost?

248. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself.

249. I'm your coach, your leader.

250. I should have done more.

251. I should have learned the rules of the game,

252. or at least looked up the definition of water polo

253. in the dictionary.

254. But I didn't do any of that.

255. So a lot of today's loss is on me.

256. But most of it's on glasses,

257. since she's our goalie, and they scored 48 points on her.

258. So, glasses, you're out.

259. Freckles, you're the new goalie.

260. Well, we'll get 'em next week.

261. Go, bobcats!

262. Uh-oh.

263. Look, rabbit, I can't go to any more of your parties.

264. That'll be 5 this week.

265. Please, I got to have a party tonight!

266. Porky's making buttered sausage biscuits!

267. There's too much butter in that food.

268. It's flat-out unhealthy.

269. Invite someone else!

270. I tried. No one will come!

271. You ought to lay off that kind of food yourself.

272. You don't look so good.

273. What's up, doc?

274. Oh, hey.

275. I was just calling to see if you're really having

276. another party tonight.

277. You better believe it.

278. Ok. How many guests will there be?

279. Meh, why don't you make enough for 30?

280. You know what? 40, just to be safe.

281. Well, that was a bloodbath.

282. Freckles, you're out.

283. Big teeth, you're our new goalie.

284. Bobcat pride!

285. I brought extra buttered sausage biscuits, like you told me.

286. Uh, who are all these people?

287. Oh, these are just some of my dear friends.

288. - Uh... - Don.

289. Don! Of course. Don and I go way back.

290. How do you know each other?

291. We don't. He paid me $5.00 to come here.

292. Good one, Dan.

293. - It's Don. - Don.

294. You going to eat that?

295. Big teeth, we're only at halftime,

296. but I can see where this is going.

297. Maybe we should just forfeit.

298. Why don't we just have gossamer be the goalie?

299. Who's gossamer?

300. You mean Emily? Emily can't be goalie.

301. He's too big. He'll block the whole goal...

302. Come on, guys!

303. Help me get this tiny red cap over that giant orange head!

304. We won again!

305. One more victory, and the bobcats are state champions!

306. Oh, that's great. We should have a party to celebrate.

307. What?

308. You look different. You get a haircut?

309. No.

310. Are those new gloves?

311. No.

312. Huh. There's something different.

313. You sure you didn't get a haircut?

314. Hmm. I'll figure it out.

315. You know, if Daffy's team wins...

316. We should celebrate.

317. Have a party at my place tonight.

318. Uh, Bugs,

319. I don't think I should be your caterer anymore.

320. - What? - Those recipes aren't healthy.

321. No one's supposed to eat that much butter.

322. Ah, come on. What's the big deal?

323. I think you're the big deal.

324. This is it. I've never been a champion,

325. but I'm about to be, because we've got this one in the bag!

326. The trophy's so close, I can taste it!

327. And believe me, I will be licking that trophy.

328. Now, remember, bobcats, we want to be gracious winners.

329. So after the game,

330. when you're belittling those losers

331. as they get on their bus to go back to their loser lives,

332. let's be classy about it.

333. On 3! 1, 2...

334. Where's gossamer?

335. Just so I'm clear, Gossamer's Emily, right?

336. Gossamer!

337. Gossamer!

338. The game's about to start!

339. What are you doing in here?

340. I don't think I want to be goalie anymore.

341. What are you talking about?

342. You're our most valuable player!

343. But I don't play! I don't do anything.

344. I just stand there like a loser.

345. The only reason I'm valuable is because I'm a giant monster,

346. and I take up space.

347. And for once, that's a good thing!

348. Don't you want to win?

349. Not like this. It feels like cheating.

350. And cheating hurts. Literally.

351. I'm sick of all those balls hitting me in the face.

352. You do realize if you're not our goalie,

353. we'll lose.

354. I don't want to let you down, coach,

355. but I think I'd rather lose and feel like a winner

356. than win and feel like a loser.

357. I was really looking forward to licking that trophy.

358. You're a good kid.

359. You're a good coach.

360. Come on. Who are you kidding?

361. I do look good in a swimsuit, though.

362. Falcons! Falcons! Falcons!

363. - Sorry we lost, coach. - Yeah, sorry.

364. Don't be. Seeing you kids have fun out there,

365. despite what the scoreboard says,

366. taught me a lesson

367. that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.

368. Water polo is stupid.

369. I mean, outside of these dummies,

370. who are probably your parents,

371. no one really cares about this sport.

372. It'd be one thing if this had been football or basketball

373. or even baseball, but it's not.

374. It's only water polo!

375. So go out there with your heads held high,

376. because no one cares about water polo!

377. Bobcats on 3.

378. - Bobcats! Bobcats! - Wait! What are you doing?

379. I don't know how to swim! Aah!

380. He can't swim!

381. Thanks, Bugs.

382. You got to learn to swim.

383. Wait a second. I know what's different about you!

384. You're 10 times bigger than you used to be!

385. Oh.

386. Or I could just plug you in.

387. Common mistake.

388. Aren't you going to have some butter pie, Mr. Bunny?

389. I think I'm going to stick with carrots for a while.

390. What? Swimsuit season's over.