The Looney Tunes Show 1x3

Directed by Spike Brandt • Tony Cervone • Chris Headrick

Daffy littering the Grand Canyon ultimately sends him and Bugs to jail, which Bugs grows a liking to, but Daffy hates. This causes some conflict when they get the chance to escape.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Did you know it's 277 Miles long,

2. 18 Miles wide, and over a mile deep?

3. I mean, in places. It's not a mile deep everywhere.

4. Although that looks like a mile.

5. Did you know recent evident suggests

6. the Colorado river formed the canyon over...

7. Maybe they have earplugs in the gift shop.

8. Ooh! Mini license plates!

9. Aha! Daniel, Darvin, Doug, Eduardo...

10. What the—no daffy?

11. You have 5 Darvins and no daffy? Darvin?

12. "1,001 grand canyon jokes."

13. That's about 1,000 more than I thought there were.

14. I mean, what, did someone just match Darren and Marvin together

15. and think that that's a clever name?

16. Well, it's not! It's a stupid name.

17. Darvin is the world's stupidest name.

18. Great name.

19. And the soda.

20. I left my wallet at home.

21. Was originally inhabited by native Americans,

22. some of whom may have considered the grand canyon

23. to be a holy site.

24. So, what do you think?

25. I've seen better.

26. Let's go see a movie.

27. Sir, you threw a can of soda into the grand canyon.

28. That's littering on federal property.

29. And who are you?

30. I'm a park ranger. Who are you?

31. Oh. Uh, Darvin.

32. Andrew... Son.

33. You're coming with me.

34. Wait! Let's be reasonable.

35. Buddy, if you don't put some pants on,

36. you're going to be coming with me, too.

37. I think I saw some at the gift shop.

38. Let me go, and I'll pay you whatever you want!

39. Ahh, I forgot my wallet. Bugs! Pay him whatever he wants!

40. Aren't you going to say something?

41. "Why is the grand canyon called the grand canyon?"

42. "Cause he thought gargantuan canyon made him sound fat."

43. Well? If you don't like that one, I got 1,000 more.

44. and that's when I saw him throw this empty can of soda into the grand canyon.

45. It's clear that you are the litterer.

46. The fine is $50. This court is now adjourned.

47. Your honor, this is a case built on lies,

48. stacked on a house of cards

49. standing on a Mountain of fabricated falsehoods.

50. I move for immediate dismissal.

51. You can't do that.

52. Well, then I'd like to call my first witness.

53. Would you please state your name for the court?

54. Porky Pig.

55. What's the matter? Are you nervous?

56. I'm not nervous.

57. You sure sound nervous.

58. This is what I always sound—

59. - maybe you're nervous because you're lying.

60. But I'm not—

61. - maybe you're lying because you don't want us to know

62. your true identity.

63. My—

64. - and the reason you don't want us to know your true identity

65. is because you, sir, are the litterer!

66. And a collective gasp fills the courtroom.

67. Are we done here?

68. Are you not wearing pants?

69. Where's the gift shop?

70. Please state your name for the court.

71. Bugs Bunny.

72. Mr. Bunny, where were you on the night of November 10th?

73. Uh, I'm not sure,

74. but didn't this happen in the daytime on June first?

75. Aha! And how would you know that

76. if you were not guilty of this heinous crime?

77. Ladies and gentlemen, here is your litterer.

78. Daffy, just pay the fine.

79. - Hostile witness! - Oh, you call this hostile?

80. This is not hostile.

81. If you want hostile, I'll give you hostile.

82. - Objection! - Overruled!

83. - That's what I say! - What?

84. - Overruled. - Sustained.

85. Keep this up, and I'll hold you both in contempt of court.

86. I apologize for my friend, your highness. Now, if I may.

87. What do we know? The piece of litter in question?

88. A can of soda.

89. So, it would fit that the litterer must like soda.

90. It may surprise the court to learn

91. that I, Daffy Duck, despise soda.

92. Is anyone even listening here?

93. The point is, I can't possibly be the litterer,

94. because I don't like soda.

95. And if the soda gets spit, you must acquit.

96. Order. You are both held in contempt

97. and will be placed in jail immediately.

98. Bailiff, take them away.

99. What'd I miss?

100. Name?

101. - Daffy Duck. - Crime?

102. Contempt of court.

103. - Name? - Bugs Bunny.

104. Crime?

105. Well, some might say being too good-looking.

106. Nah, I'm just kidding. Contempt of court.

107. Oh, no! I'm going to be swimming in this.

108. Do you have a belt or a sash?

109. I'm about to meet a ton of new people,

110. and I'd rather not look like a big, fat traffic cone.

111. See what I mean? That's a lot of orange.

112. Not too shabby.

113. I mean, it could use some accessories—

114. maybe a few pillows or some scented candles.

115. I'm thinking this might be a problem.

116. Eww.

117. Ehh. A little salty.

118. But I got to say, it's a pleasure having somebody cook for me.

119. How can you be so relaxed?

120. We're in prison! Jail! The big house!

121. We're up the river! We're down the creek!

122. We're 2 picks short of a load!

123. There's no "I" in team! You got to fight for your right to party!

124. Party's over.

125. What are you scared of? This guy?

126. I bet he's a Teddy bear.

127. I'm Bugs, this is daffy. We're in cell 2-r.

128. Come by anytime. The door's always open.

129. Well, not technically, but you get the point.

130. Anywho, would you be a dear and please pass me the ketchup?

131. Are you serving time for being rude

132. or because you can't follow directions?

133. Ehh, so, let me get this straight.

134. I can insult whomever I please

135. without fear of bodily harm?

136. I should have gotten thrown in jail years ago.

137. It's a smart Alec's paradise!

138. Say, I like your hair. Did you butcher it yourself?

139. I'll butcher you!

140. I don't know where you got your looks,

141. but I hope you kept the receipt!

142. - Oh, I'm going to get you! - Hey, buddy,

143. can I borrow your brain? You're obviously not using it.

144. [Grunts.

145. You got to get me out of here. I'm not cut out for this place.

146. Look at me—I can't eat, I can't sleep.

147. You don't know what it's like being cut off from the outside world.

148. What year is it? Who's president?

149. You've only been in here one day.

150. Well, it's been a very hard day.

151. Did you know they have a yard here

152. where you can exercise for free?

153. Well, before I go,

154. I made you a cake.

155. A cake, huh?

156. Nothing? No crowbar, no shiv?

157. Who brings a cake to a prisoner

158. without putting a means of escape inside?

159. How do you expect us to break out of this place?

160. Mother. Ooh! Where we going now?

161. Phew! Excuse me. What's the goal here?

162. Are we building something, or just making rocks into smaller rocks?

163. And would it be possible for me to switch places

164. with that pituitary case over there?

165. I burn easily.

166. You'll have to pardon my friend.

167. The heat's getting to him. He's not used to this.

168. He's not a hardened criminal like you.

169. I mean, I shouldn't assume that you're a hardened criminal,

170. but in my defense, you do have a neanderthal-shaped head,

171. which I normally equate with stupidity—

172. uh, not that you're stupid. I just mean that you look stupid.

173. I don't mean that as an insult.

174. I mean, some people think stupid to mean cool.

175. Like, "that's a stupid car," "you've got a stupid apartment."

176. I should stop talking. I'm just very nervous right now.

177. I tend to ramble when I'm nervous.

178. You know what the word ramble means?

179. You're probably too stupid to know—

180. and here, I mean stupid-stupid, not stupid-cool.

181. Aah!

182. Aah!

183. There's only one thing to do.

184. Teach that bully a thing or...

185. - Jump! - Two!

186. Aw, man.

187. Hey, quit rubbin' it in!

188. It's like you're trying to get me to blow my stack!

189. Oh, I'm a-warnin' you!

190. Ooh!

191. We're alive?

192. We're alive!

193. Who cares about that? We're free!

194. It's like I have a clean slate, a fresh start!

195. And this time, I'm going to be a little less charitable.

196. Ehh, not so fast, bub.

197. We got to turn ourselves in. Are you crazy?

198. That guy with the neanderthal-shaped head will kill us!

199. I'm not letting one bad apple ruin prison for me.

200. I'm going back to jail.

201. Well, I'm going to live my life on the lam.

202. We got to do something about this.

203. Follow me.

204. Step one of life on the lam...

205. Change your appearance.

206. And if you're going to be attached to me, you're going blonde, too.

207. Stop! What are you doing? Oh!

208. Are you crazy?

209. Well! Hello.

210. Be on the lookout for 2 prison escapees—

211. a gray rabbit and a black duck.

212. Not so fast. I have some business to take care of.

213. Once we get this chain off, you can turn yourself in all you want.

214. Oh, I will.

215. Jail was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

216. And you're not going to keep me from it.

217. Excuse me, officer.

218. I don't mean to bother you, but my name is Bugs Bunny,

219. and this is Daffy Duck, and we're supposed to be in jail.

220. - You're Bugs Bunny? - The one and only.

221. And you're Daffy Duck?

222. I didn't say that.

223. I don't see the resemblance.

224. Well, then, how do you explain this chain?

225. Your personal lives are your business.

226. Stay out of trouble.

227. No! Take me with you!

228. Come on. Let's get out of here.

229. Where are we going?

230. Wherever this will take us.

231. Ohh!

232. Can I help you?

233. - We'd like a room. - Name?

234. Uh—

235. - we can't give away our real names!

236. We're on the lam!

237. Ahem. I'm count Leopold van lichtenstein.

238. And this is Randy.

239. You don't happen to have any chain cutters

240. or acetylene torches back there, do you?

241. The motel gift shop may not have had any welding equipment,

242. but the book selection wasn't half-bad.

243. Can you keep it down?

244. I'm trying to sleep!

245. Well, I'm trying to read,

246. and it's not easy with you tossing and turning.

247. You think I like having to share a bed with you?

248. At least in prison we weren't chained together.

249. We had a whole cell to enjoy.

250. Oh, cell block number five!

251. Well, you're no picnic, either!

252. You think I enjoy listening to you wax nostalgic

253. about your time in jail?

254. Ha! And by the way, a prison nickname doesn't count

255. if you give it to yourself, dynamite!

256. You better watch it, duck,

257. because the fuse just got lit.

258. How dare you!

259. No one, and I mean no one,

260. would do something that rude in prison!

261. Now good night, Leopold.

262. Good night, Randy.

263. Step two of life on the lam—

264. get a job.

265. I'm Leopold. I'll be your waiter.

266. And I'm Randy. I'll be your waiter.

267. What is the soup of the day?

268. Uh-oh.

269. Officer!

270. Sorry about that.

271. But the soup of the day is a secret.

272. If you say one word to those cops,

273. I promise to make the rest of your life

274. a living nightmare!

275. How is that any different than now?

276. Hey, blondies, some service over here?

277. Not a word!

278. Oh, good afternoon, gentlemen.

279. What can I get you?

280. What does this say?

281. We're on the lam.

282. - You're on the what? - Lam.

283. Oh, lamb. I love lamb.

284. Oh! Is there a lamb special?

285. - No, we're on the lam! - What's on the lam?

286. Oh, I hope it's mint jelly. That goes great with lam.

287. No, we're on the lam.

288. You're on the lam?

289. No, we're not on the lam.

290. Oh, thank goodness.

291. Rabbit and duck on lamb is way too much meat.

292. I'm watching my cholesterol.

293. Just give us three veggie burgers.

294. - How'd we do? - 75 cents in tips.

295. I've got the wrong personality for customer service.

296. This isn't enough money for the hotel.

297. Where are we going to sleep?

298. Step three of life on the lam—

299. always have a back-up plan.

300. Nice back-up plan.

301. Look on the bright side— at least it can't get any worse.

302. Any other bold predictions?

303. One day, this country will send a man to the moon!

304. That's already happened.

305. Am I... A wizard?

306. If you were a wizard, you'd do something about this chain.

307. Chain, break!

308. Chain, break!

309. You may not be a wizard but you sure are entertaining.

310. Silence! You're throwing off my wizard concentration.

311. Chain!

312. I am a wizard!

313. That was lightning.

314. Ha! Classic non-wizard thing to say.

315. Now the only question that remains is,

316. will I be a good wizard or a bad wizard?

317. Bad wizard! Beware, mortals,

318. for Daffy Duck the wizard

319. shall rule the world!

320. Did you say Daffy Duck?

321. Daffy Duck, the wizard.

322. Who wants to know? The police.

323. You're going back to jail.

324. I thought you'd never find us!

325. Lightning, strike!

326. Lightning, strike!

327. No! Don't make me leave!

328. Wait, no, wait! Oh!

329. But tonight's meatloaf Monday!

330. So long, chainsaw.

331. Call me when you get out, in 140 years.

332. Take care, manslaughter.

333. And look into getting that name changed.

334. I really think it'll make a difference.

335. Hmm. And I think I'll miss you most of all,

336. neanderthal-shaped head man.

337. Ah, you can stop crying.

338. You're free!

339. But that's why I'm crying!

340. Cheer up. With a recidivism rate of 68%,

341. you'll be back in jail in no time.

342. What about you, daffy?

343. Did you learn your lesson?

344. You bet. I'm a changed man.

345. will you open the glove compartment and hand me those pants?