1. buzz
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2. - 'Be right there.'
- Well, that was a lie.
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3. buzz
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4. - 'One second.'
- One.
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5. buzz
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6. 'I said I'm coming.'
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7. What happened to this country?
No one hustles anymore.
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8. That's why Canada's
killing us these days.
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9. buzz buzz buzz
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10. You have a baby?
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11. I knew it.
I knew you were lying to me.
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12. I thought I knew you.
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13. I thought
you were my girlfriend.
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14. I let myself
be vulnerable to you.
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15. I trusted you.
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16. Well, not anymore.
Do you hear that?
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17. That's the sound
of my walls going back up.
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18. Lose my number
because you are dead to me.
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19. D-E-D, dead.
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20. It's not my kid.
It's my sister's.
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21. I'm babysitting.
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22. - She's adorable.
- He's a boy.
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23. slam
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24. Looks like a girl.
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25. - You wanna grab some lunch?
- Great. I'm starving.
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26. - Porky's coming.
- Uh, no, thanks.
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27. You just said you were starving.
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28. - Change of the dynamic.
- What dynamic?
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29. - I already ate.
- No, you didn't.
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30. - Porky's a bummer.
- You're a bummer.
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31. No, I'm not a bummer.
I'm a jerk. Tsk.
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32. Uh.
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33. Eh, wha-what are you
doing after lunch?
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34. - Nothing.
- You want to do something fun?
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35. Great.
What'd you have in mind?
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36. - Go buy some ink.
- Ink?
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37. For my printer.
Fun, right?
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38. Turns out the jerk was right
about the bummer.
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39. - Huh?
- You guys all set to order?
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40. I'll have a-a club sandwich.
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41. Yeah. I'll have
one of those too.
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42. Can I start you off
with some refreshing iced tea?
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43. Water's fine.
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44. I'll have some
refreshing ice tea.
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45. It's sound refreshing.
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46. Did you wanna start
with an appetizer?
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47. Some ooey-gooey nachos?
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48. 'Or maybe our famous
spinach artichoke poppers?'
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49. - Nah, just the sandwich.
- They're really good.
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50. I'll get the spinach
artichoke poppers.
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51. Great choice.
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52. - Unbelievable.
- What?
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53. Don't you see
what just happened?
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54. - What?
- Cute waitress.
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55. Bubbly personality.
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56. Ooey-gooey?
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57. It was a classic upsell.
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58. - Huh?
- Upsell.
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59. It's when someone
gets you to buy something
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60. you didn't even want
in the first place.
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61. Well, you're right.
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62. I-I don't even like spinach
o-or artichoke.
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63. Can I get you anything else?
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64. - No. We're good.
- Are you sure?
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65. We have a chocolate
lava cake for dessert.
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66. It's really good.
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67. - Well, then I have to get it.
- Great.
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68. And maybe some of those
ooey-gooey na-nachos.
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69. ding dong
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70. I'll be right there.
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71. ding dong
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72. One second.
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73. ding dong ding dong
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74. slurp
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75. What happened to this country?
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76. No one takes the time
to relax anymore.
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77. That's why Canada's
killing us these days.
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78. ding dong ding dong
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79. Oh, thank goodness, you're home.
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80. Someone called in sick at work
and I got to cover their shift.
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81. - Can you watch him?
- Oh, I can't. I'm busy.
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82. With what?
You don't have a job.
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83. I got a bunch of stuff
to do around the house.
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84. It's Bugs' house.
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85. I promised my girlfriend
I'd help her out.
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86. I'm your girlfriend.
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87. Well, then, I'll watch the baby.
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88. Well, that one kind
of backfired on me.
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89. I can take care of a baby.
I used to be a baby.
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90. I think. I don't really
have any memories
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91. before the age of 15.
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92. So what's up, man?
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93. Not much of a talker?
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94. What are you into?
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95. You like jam bands?
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96. I used to be in a jam band.
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97. Wait.
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98. Hold on.
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99. Wait.
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100. Closer, but..
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101. Wait.
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102. Good jam, huh?
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103. Sounds like someone
wants an encore.
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104. Wait. Hold on. Wait.
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105. What's wrong, baby?
You want something to eat?
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106. It's a Reuben. No?
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107. You want something to drink?
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108. Milk? What am I, crazy?
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109. Babies don't like milk.
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110. How about some clam juice?
Here.
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111. We gotta get rid of it, anyway.
It's about to expire.
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112. You're not hungry,
you're not thirsty.
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113. What's your problem?
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114. That better be the clam juice.
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115. Oh, before I ring you up,
there is just one thing...
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116. Here it comes.
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117. Would you be interested in
getting an extended warranty?
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118. - And there it is.
- Uh, umm..
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119. Are you crazy? It's ink.
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120. All replacement parts
would be covered up to 40%.
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121. You're not gonna need
replacement parts. It's ink.
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122. If the product gets damaged,
we'll ship it back
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123. to the manufacturer for you.
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124. It's not gonna get damaged.
It's ink.
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125. It's only an additional $15.
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126. That's half the price
of the ink.
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127. I'll take it.
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128. What's the matter with you?
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129. Did you get a bunch of bad news
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130. before you came over here?
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131. You're a bigger bummer
than Porky.
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132. (man on TV)
In the middle
of the Atlantic Ocean..
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133. Come on, guys. We're gonna
be late for choir practice.
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134. lives a pack of whales..
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135. trying to find their voice.
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136. Some trying a little
harder than the rest.
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137. You like that?
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138. "Marty The Whale"
in theaters now.
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139. Well, then,
let's go to the movie.
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140. boom
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141. Aah!
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142. chomp chomp
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143. Popcorn?
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144. Shh!
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145. Sir, you're disturbing
the other patrons.
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146. I'm not doing anything.
Talk to him.
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147. - Sir, please.
- 'Cause he's crying?
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148. That's his emotional response
to the material.
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149. You have to take your baby
outside.
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150. Fine. I've already
seen it anyway.
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151. Lieutenant Graves
doesn't make it!
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152. He never sees Barbara again!
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153. 'Oh, come on.'
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154. You ought to see somebody.
You're seriously depressed.
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155. Ugh, I know how you feel.
You know what helped me?
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156. Mommy and baby class.
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157. We're going to one now.
You should come.
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158. Anything to stop that crying.
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159. - Uh, your baby?
- Huh?
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160. Oh, right.
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161. Are you sure you don't
want me to carry your ink?
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162. I'd hate for something
to happen to it.
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163. Oh, that's right.
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164. It doesn't matter
if something happens to it.
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165. You've got an ink warranty.
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166. He made it sound so important.
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167. You must think I'm a real jerk.
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168. No, Daffy's a jerk.
You're a bummer.
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169. Right!
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170. beep
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171. - The battery's dead.
- Look on the bright side.
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172. If this ever happens
to your ink, you're covered.
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173. So that'll be 89 bucks.
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174. You interested in joining
The Tow Truck Club?
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175. No.
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176. For just $250 a month,
you get 23 tows a year.
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177. Who gets towed that much?
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178. What person is breaking
down 20 times a year?
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179. If you sign up today,
I'll throw in some free stickers
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180. for just $10.
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181. Free $10 stickers?
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182. Gee, where do I sign up?
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183. Right here.
You can use the pen after me.
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184. Has anyone's baby reached
a new milestone this week?
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185. Charlie smiled at his daddy
last night.
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186. He really did.
It was amazing.
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187. Samantha rolled over
for the first time.
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188. (all)
Aww.
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189. What about your little guy?
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190. Oh, uh, him?
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191. He, uh, learned
how to ride a bike.
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192. What?
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193. Why, is that bad?
Is he slow?
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194. Slow.
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195. squirt
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196. Huh?
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197. Phoo!
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198. (all)
Aww.
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199. (all)
Oh!
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200. Bye, ladies, see you next week.
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201. Janet, don't give up
on sleep training.
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202. I know it's hard,
but it's worth it.
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203. Marsha, I promise I'll get you
the name of my pediatrician.
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204. Keep bugging me about it though.
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205. Mom brain.
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206. Keep up the great work, moms!
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207. It's the hardest job
we'll ever love.
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208. These will be ready
next Tuesday.
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209. But the yard sale's
this weekend.
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210. I said next Tuesday.
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211. What are you doing here?
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212. Just out for a little stroll.
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213. He tends to get a little
fussy this time of day.
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214. They call it the witching hour.
You probably didn't know that.
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215. - His favorite paci.
- Wow, I'm impressed.
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216. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what are you doing?
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217. - My shift just ended.
- Already?
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218. Can't you work overtime
or something?
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219. Swing shift, graveyard shift?
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220. I mean, you got
to put in the hours
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221. 'if you're gonna break
through that glass ceiling.'
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222. We're going to the park.
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223. You forgot his schmoopie.
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224. We have a compact car available
or for just an extra $49 a day
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225. we can upgrade you to a minivan.
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226. - I'll take it.
- Great, let me get your key.
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227. A minivan?
What are you, a soccer mom?
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228. What happened to all my money?
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229. Appetizers, warranties,
free stickers
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230. and don't forget you're on
the hook to The Tow Truck
Club
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231. for three grand a year.
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232. You're right,
I fall for it every time.
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233. No more upsells, I promise.
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234. You're all set.
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235. Oh, I almost forgot.
Would you like insurance?
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236. It's just an additional
$3 a day.
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237. I don't know what kind of fool
you take me for
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238. but I'm not interested
in your insurance.
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239. Uh, Porky, I think
you should get the insurance.
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240. - It's an upsell.
- No.
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241. Artichoke poppers are an upsell.
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242. Insurance is practical.
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243. - Eh, wha-what...
- Just get it.
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244. It's hardly any money
and if anything happens
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245. you're covered.
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246. No insurance, just the van.
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247. Ow.
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248. It's starting to bruise.
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249. He doesn't like it
when you do that.
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250. You're holding the bottle wrong.
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251. That's not even
the right nipple.
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252. We switched to soy formula.
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253. Just let me do it.
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254. What is wrong with you?
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255. I'll tell you
what's wrong with me.
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256. You think what you do is
so important because you work.
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257. Well, I work just as hard as you
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258. and I don't even get a paycheck.
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259. You've never gotten a paycheck.
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260. I'm so busy taking care of him
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261. I can't even tell you
the last time I took a shower.
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262. You never shower.
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263. Uh, that's because
I care about the Earth.
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264. The point is raising
a baby is hard work.
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265. And it's twice as hard
when you do it alone.
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266. I'm just so tired.
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267. You've known him for one day.
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268. You don't even know
the baby's name.
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269. His name's not Baby?
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270. Where's Baby?
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271. Zachary!
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272. Zachary?
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273. Baby's a better name
than Zachary.
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274. It is roomy.
I'll give it that.
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275. screech
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276. crash
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277. Baby.
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278. He doesn't like it
when you do that.
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279. I probably should have
gotten the insurance.
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280. Thanks again for watching him.
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281. I wanna start a family with you.
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282. What?
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283. I finally realize what I was
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284. put on this Earth to do.
Be a mother.
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285. Or was it to open
a frozen yogurt shop?
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286. Yes, that is exactly what
I was put on this Earth to
do.
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287. I'll be known for my toppings.
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288. No, no toppings.
Just yogurt.
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289. The best yogurt.
That's what I'll be known
for.
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290. With tons of flavors. No!
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291. One flavor
with tons of toppings!
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292. thud
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293. thud
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294. Beep beep.
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295. - Okay, so just the pizza?
- Yep.
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296. That'll be 14.99.
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297. You know, for just a couple
of dollars more
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298. I could throw in a 2 liter soda
and some breadsticks.
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299. Eh...
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300. Or for an even $20
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301. you get the soda,
you get the breadsticks
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302. and you get
the cinnamonbreadsticks.
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303. They're just like the regular
breadsticks, but with cinnamon.
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304. Cinnamon, huh?
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305. - For the dessert.
- Alright. I'll take it.
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306. Classic upsell.
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307. That all fo..
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308. Oh. I-I shouldn't had
those artichoke poppers.
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