The Looney Tunes Show 1x12

Directed by Jeff Siergey

Lola gives Daffy dating advice, and falls in love with him in the process. But Daffy only has eyes for Tina, and Bugs is surprised to find he might actually have feelings for Lola.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Can I help you?

2. Daffy duck, picking up my business cards.

3. How's the wizard business going?

4. Great. Lots of magic, spells, things like that.

5. That'll be 215.25.

6. That seems awfully high.

7. Price reduce, reduce!

8. Eeeee!

9. Captioning made possible by Warner bros. Animation

10. Oh, don't forget to leave a business card in the bowl.

11. You could win a romantic evening for two.

12. Right this way.

13. We'd like a table for two.

14. Great. I'd like a pair of solid gold pants,

15. but I'm not bugging you about it.

16. Phone!

17. Kinda got my hands full.

18. So do I.

19. Whoa!

20. Ooh! Ahh!

21. I guess I have to do everything around here.

22. Go.

23. This is daffy duck.

24. What? I won?

25. A romantic evening for two?

26. Seven course meal? Dancing?

27. A limousine?

28. I can't believe my luck!

29. How's the wizard business?

30. Great! Lots of magic, spells, you know, things like that.

31. See ya Friday night. What are you doing Friday night?

32. - Nothing. - Well, you are now.

33. Friday night, we're gonna get dressed to the nines,

34. get picked up in a limo, and have a fabulous romantic dinner.

35. Daffy, what you just described is a date.

36. I'm not going on a date with you.

37. Oh, you're right. I didn't think of it that way.

38. Hey, porky. Want to go on a romantic date Friday night?

39. I'd love to!

40. No, you idiot! Ask a woman!

41. I'm so excited. I'm so glad you called.

42. I've got...

43. Ask a woman? But I have horrible luck with women!

44. Hmm. The lobster looks good.

45. We'll split a salad, and keep the bread coming.

46. Do you think I'm pretty?

47. No woman should be judged on her looks.

48. But if I had to, I'd say you're about a 41/2.

49. I'm having a really nice time.

50. You have a little something on your face.

51. Ooh, wait. That's a part of your face.

52. I just can't figure women out.

53. Well, maybe you need to talk to one and get a woman's perspective.

54. That's a great idea! How about your girlfriend Lola?

55. Lola is not my girlfriend. And she's crazy.

56. All women are crazy. Call her for me. Hook it up.

57. No. I don't want to call her.

58. Come on, hook it up.

59. I'm not hooking it up. And who says hook it up?

60. I do. I say hook it up.

61. Hook it up. Please. It's one quick phone call.

62. I'm begging you.

63. Hook. It. Up.

64. - Hi, bugs. - How'd you know it was me?

65. Oh, I answer every call like this.

66. Just in case it's you. Sorry!

67. No, it's ok. It's just a weird way to answer the...

68. No, no, I wasn't talking to you.

69. I almost hit an oil truck.

70. Oh. Well, maybe I'll call you at a better time.

71. This is a better time. This is a perfect time.

72. Are you kidding? This is a perfect, better time.

73. Whoa! Go on.

74. Well, my friend daffy needs some dating advice,

75. and I thought maybe you could talk to him.

76. - Are you serious? - Well, if you'd rather not...

77. No, not you. I'm sorry, i almost hit another oil truck.

78. Driving is hard. So you want me to help daffy?

79. Yes.

80. Would that be a nice thing for me to do?

81. Yes.

82. - And you like nice people? - Yes.

83. So if I help daffy, you'll like me?

84. - Uh, I guess. - Then I'll do it!

85. - Great, thanks. - Uh-oh.

86. What? You won't do it?

87. No, that time I did hit an oil truck.

88. I have to go. Bye!

89. Before you can have a successful date,

90. you need to understand women.

91. So I've written you a script filled with things

92. that every woman will want to hear on a date.

93. If you say these things, i guarantee that any woman

94. will immediately fall in love with you.

95. Really?

96. Just say those words.

97. "You are a beautiful, beautiful woman.

98. "You are the epitome of grace, style and femininity.

99. You're my best friend."

100. This stuff is pretty good.

101. Told you!

102. "You're my best friend.

103. "In fact, you're the only friend I need.

104. "Here's a good idea...

105. "Let's get rid of all of our other friends

106. "and only be friends with each other.

107. "Also, we should cut off family members

108. "that don't support our relationship.

109. "Also, we should have jobs where we work together.

110. "Because if there's one thing I know,

111. "it's that if we drop all of our friends,

112. "cut off our families and work together,

113. we are guaranteed to have a perfect relationship."

114. This really works on women?

115. - Are you ok? - I'm fine.

116. I just, I never noticed how handsome you were.

117. Oh, thanks.

118. You have a really big beak.

119. Thank you very much.

120. So... have you given any thought

121. of who you want to invite on your romantic date?

122. I have, actually.

123. Anyone I know?

124. Could be. You know that girl Tina from the copy place?

125. Her beak's even bigger than mine.

126. Well, thanks for the help.

127. Call me sometime!

128. Good one!

129. Yeah?

130. Hi. Uh, I'm not sure if you remember me...

131. You're the wizard, right?

132. - You do remember me! - How could I forget?

133. Your check bounced.

134. What? I'm gonna have to have a serious talk with my financial advisor.

135. This should take care of it.

136. So, uh, Tina.

137. I was wondering if, by any chance

138. you're not doing anything tonight,

139. which you probably are because you're not ugly,

140. but if for some reason, you're not,

141. would you maybe, possibly, no pressure if you can't,

142. just wondering, you know, would you like to go out with me?

143. Maybe.

144. Yeah, I'd love to.

145. Well, you can't blame a guy for trying.

146. I said I'd love to go out with you.

147. - Really? - Yeah! I'll be fun.

148. Great! I'll pick you up at 8:00.

149. Don't use that money. You'll get arrested.

150. Gotta smell nice for my date.

151. Maybe another little dab.

152. Safety dab.

153. Hello, daffy.

154. Ooh! Lola!

155. What are you doing here?

156. - Did you ask that girl out? - Yeah, I did.

157. So you're gonna go out with her?

158. What do you even know about this girl?

159. She could be trouble. She could be dangerous.

160. You know, not every girl is as stable as me.

161. No, Tina's great.

162. Her name's Tina? That's not even a real name.

163. It's a made up name like ballswick or kathlarg.

164. I think Tina's a real name.

165. Oh, she has you so duped.

166. I think you should leave.

167. Fine. But you are making a huge mistake.

168. Tina's crazy!

169. She's a crazy person.

170. She's a crazy, fake-named person who's probably a stalker!

171. I'm just gonna leave this ladder here for later.

172. I can't lose him. I've got to stop that date.

173. And I know just how I'm going to do it.

174. Is it weird to talk to myself? No, it's not weird.

175. You think I need a haircut? I don't know.

176. You could grow out your bangs.

177. Ooh, that's a good idea.

178. - Hey, Lola. - Oh, hi, bugs.

179. How'd your talk with daffy go?

180. Great! Really great. Super great.

181. It could not have been greater.

182. Wow! Well, thanks again for doing that.

183. I'll make it up to you some time.

184. How about tonight? Dinner?

185. Oh, uh, I don't know.

186. - You gotta eat. - Ehh...

187. Come on, one dinner? No big deal. Nothing fancy.

188. Ok...

189. Great. I know just the restaurant.

190. It's very casual. It's very laid back.

191. This is casual and laid back?

192. Who said anything about casual and laid back?

193. Uh, you did.

194. Oh-oh! Right.

195. I meant to say fancy and uptight.

196. Sometimes I get my words mixed up.

197. Like I'll say "bubbles" when i really mean "pick-up truck"

198. or "jelly" when I really mean, um, like a boat.

199. What was that for?

200. Sometimes I kiss people when i really mean to walk to my table.

201. - Oh, Mac? - Yes, chum?

202. Could you please pass me the cream for my cup of tea?

203. - I would be delighted. - Well, thank you!

204. Not at all. Thank you for your thank you.

205. Oh, well, you're welcome for my thank you.

206. Well, thank you again.

207. Be, b-e, p-o-l-i-t-e.

208. Be, b-e, p-o-l-i-t-e.

209. Say please and thank you.

210. When you hear a sneeze, say bless you.

211. Open doors and pull out chairs.

212. Don't push people down the stairs.

213. Be polite.

214. Or I'll vaporize you.

215. Nice place.

216. Yeah, uh-huh, can you just schooch

217. a little bit that way? Thanks, yeah.

218. I just like to be able to see all the exists

219. in case of an emergency.

220. Hmm. Aged beef.

221. Where did they get that from?

222. A retirement community for cows? Ha ha!

223. Uh, Lola?

224. Huh? Oh, yeah. Oh, I totally agree.

225. With whatever you just said.

226. Check it out, cloth napkins!

227. Nice, right?

228. You are a beautiful, beautiful woman.

229. You are the epitome of grace,

230. style and femininity.

231. You're my best friend.

232. I'm your best friend? We just met.

233. Oh, uh, hold on. "When I'm with you,

234. "every day is Valentine's day.

235. "Except for the real Valentine's day,

236. which we will now call super Valentine's day."

237. Are you reading something?

238. No, I need...

239. "What all women want to hear"...

240. What woman wants to hear stuff like this?

241. Lola... Lola.

242. Hmm?

243. I was just asking if you want to split an appetizer.

244. Oh, yeah, sure. Whatever you want, daffy.

245. - It's bugs. - Huh?

246. I'm bugs.

247. Ok, so what do you want, a medal?

248. You're a grown-up. You don't need a script.

249. Let's just get to know each other.

250. Tell me about yourself.

251. Ok. Uh, well, what do you want to know?

252. I'm rich. Very rich. But a do-gooder.

253. I help poor people. Orphans. Whales.

254. You know, that's...

255. Look, if you're not going to tell me about yourself,

256. let me take a shot.

257. You're an insecure little weirdo who lies about everything

258. and probably cries himself to sleep every night.

259. Wow, you're good.

260. Welp, I guess this date's over.

261. Hey! Get back here. Relax. It's not over.

262. But you said all those horrible, true things about me!

263. You're like an abandoned building

264. that ought to be condemned.

265. You know, busted windows, rats running around,

266. a real nasty sewage situation.

267. But maybe if the right person got a hold of it

268. and cleaned it up,

269. maybe they could take that disgusting building

270. and turn it into something not so disgusting.

271. Are you that person?

272. Lucky for you, I like a project.

273. And am I that disgusting building?

274. Yeah!

275. That is the nicest thing

276. that anyone has ever said about me!

277. A la cart? I guess.

278. I mean, if you'll a cart, too.

279. Oh, come on. Give me something.

280. Oh, I don't like this.

281. I can take a hint. If you'll excuse me.

282. What is happening? She kisses me, then ignores me?

283. I mean, a retirement community for cows?

284. That was funny!

285. All right, pull yourself together.

286. Date's not over.

287. We haven't even ordered yet. Wait till dessert.

288. I've got great dessert material.

289. Chocolate moose? They'll dip anything in chocolate these days.

290. Ohh.

291. The point is, date's not over.

292. Ha! You sound like a pig!

293. Ahem.

294. Good evening, my name's kathlarg.

295. I'll be your server.

296. Lola! I didn't know you worked here.

297. Yep. Worked here my whole life, since the day I was born.

298. Can I get you anything?

299. Uh, someone already took our order.

300. Wow.

301. Ooh, that's my jam.

302. - Wanna dance? - Hook it up!

303. So, Lola, uh...

304. You know I invented the carrot peeler.

305. Too brave. Seen any good movies lately?

306. Oof, too boring.

307. You have beautiful ears.

308. Perfect.

309. what are you doing?

310. I'm trying to win my boyfriend back.

311. Daffy.

312. Daffy's not your boyfriend.

313. I'm your boyfriend! Say that again?

314. - Mm-mm. - That's ok.

315. I have it right here. "I'm your boyfriend."

316. Oh, boy.

317. "I'm your boyfriend, I'm your boyfriend,

318. I'm your boyfriend."

319. - Bugs, what are you doing here? - We're on a date.

320. He's my boyfriend. I'm his girlfriend.

321. We're boyfriend-girlfriend.

322. I thought you were our waitress.

323. Wow.

324. She's a keeper. You know what we should do some time? Double date!

325. How about tomorrow night? You guys like thai?

326. Yeah, I love it!

327. Whoo!

328. What just happened?

329. Beep beep!

330. Beep beep!

331. Beep beep!

332. Beep beep!

333. Beep beep!

334. That's the best date I've ever had with a wizard.

335. There's something i should tell you.

336. I'm not really a wizard.

337. Finally!

338. I was worried you weren't going to show up.

339. What are you talking about?

340. I thought we were having dinner tonight.

341. Oh. I think I might have eaten your dinner, porky.

342. How do you know my name?

343. I don't. That was more of an observation.

344. Are those for me?

345. I've gotta get a girlfriend.

346. Captioning made possible by Warner bros. Animation

347. Captioned by the national captioning institute. Www.Ncicap.Org...

348. That's all what? What are folks?

349. He's crazy.