1. Good morning, Sir Lawrence.Copy !req
2. Morning.
Brad with Ray's inside.Copy !req
3. Thank you.Copy !req
4. We've got a terrific
lineup tonight,Copy !req
5. and prepare
to be dazzled!Copy !req
6. Good, let's just
finish this up.Copy !req
7. Okay, they'd like to know
if you'll be bringing someone.Copy !req
8. What exciting eventCopy !req
9. has our important talk show
host been invited to?Copy !req
10. Just a little dinner
with the President
Of the United States.Copy !req
11. That's all.
Oh!Copy !req
12. That's both hoity and toity.
Where are you sitting?Copy !req
13. Table 20.Copy !req
14. Hey, not bad!
I'm proud of you.
Thank you.Copy !req
15. So, will you
be bringing someone?Copy !req
16. Uh... I don't know yet.Copy !req
17. I haven't had
the pleasure of salutingCopy !req
18. our Commander In Chief
in some time.Copy !req
19. Just keep me in mindCopy !req
20. if you can't scrounge up
anybody better.Copy !req
21. Will do.
Who's Carol Richmond?Copy !req
22. Uh, she's the secretary
at William Morris.Copy !req
23. You were supposed to take
her out to dinner?Copy !req
24. Just, uh, tell her
I'm in Big BearCopy !req
25. for the next
couple weeks, okay?Copy !req
26. Larry, if I use
that Big Bear excuse,Copy !req
27. she's gonna know
that you're blowing her off.Copy !req
28. I'm not blowing anyone.Copy !req
29. Not till next week
at the big network meeting.Copy !req
30. Yeah, when I'll be blowing
everyone.Copy !req
31. Me too.Copy !req
32. Uh, gentlemen,
excuse me, do you mind?Copy !req
33. Oh, Beverly, it was just
boys' talk, what the fuck?Copy !req
34. Big news!Copy !req
35. Page 51, People Magazine.Copy !req
36. Drum roll, please!
Don't need it.Copy !req
37. Sharon Stone's engagement
is off, it's dead, kaput.Copy !req
38. Translation—
she is available.Copy !req
39. Who really gives a shit?Copy !req
40. Why, the grand high exalted
pussy master here might.Copy !req
41. Uh, Hank,
I'm in the room, please?Copy !req
42. Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
43. I— I just—
I thought you knew.Copy !req
44. Now, if I am not mistaken,Copy !req
45. Miss Stone is on
our little show tonight,Copy !req
46. is that right?Copy !req
47. Oh...Copy !req
48. Mmm.Copy !req
49. I just love her.Copy !req
50. I mean, if I wasn't
a married man...Copy !req
51. Guess who's not getting
any pussy at home?Copy !req
52. I'm getting
some pussy at home.Copy !req
53. Gentlemen, excuse me!Copy !req
54. But how would you guys like it
if I stood around hereCopy !req
55. and talked about pussy, huh?Copy !req
56. How would you like that?Copy !req
57. Pussy, pussy, I'm gonna
go get me some pussy!Copy !req
58. How would you like that?Copy !req
59. Well, when you say it that way,
it takes the shine off it.Copy !req
60. I'm gonna go get a job
at a bank, I swear.Copy !req
61. Get some of that
drive-thru pussy.Copy !req
62. Beautiful, beautiful,
beautiful.Copy !req
63. Let me see.
Hey.Copy !req
64. What?
Come on.Copy !req
65. Let me see the picture.Copy !req
66. Miss Stone... look at that.Copy !req
67. Oh...
Hello!Copy !req
68. Mmm.Copy !req
69. I wonder if she looks
this sexy in, uh, real life.Copy !req
70. 'Cause I know I don't.Copy !req
71. Mmm.Copy !req
72. Mr. Sanders, hi.Copy !req
73. Diane French,
I'm Sharon's assistant.Copy !req
74. Oh, hi, Diane,
nice to meet you, pleasure.Copy !req
75. This is a surprise.
We were toldCopy !req
76. that you never talk
to guests before the show.Copy !req
77. Oh, that is not the case.Copy !req
78. I often come down to say
hello to the guestsCopy !req
79. just as a common courtesy,
you know.Copy !req
80. Very nice.
Larry?Copy !req
81. So...Copy !req
82. What are you doing
back here before the show?Copy !req
83. Is something wrong?Copy !req
84. Phil, I'm just saying
hello to the guests.Copy !req
85. This is Diane.
Phil, our writer.Copy !req
86. Oh.
Hi, nice to meet you.Copy !req
87. Nice to meet you.
Yeah.Copy !req
88. You know, if you're gonna
try something new,Copy !req
89. you should tell people.Copy !req
90. You scared the shit
out of me.Copy !req
91. Everything's fine.Copy !req
92. Nice to meet you.
Good, okay.Copy !req
93. Uh...Copy !req
94. I got Larry here for you.Copy !req
95. Thanks, can you pick up
with Chuck for me?Copy !req
96. Thanks.
Hi.Copy !req
97. Hi! Well, there he is.
Say, listen,Copy !req
98. I just wanted to stop by
and say thanksCopy !req
99. for doing the show,
I really appreciate it.Copy !req
100. Sure. My pleasure.
Good.Copy !req
101. I'm glad it's back
on the air.Copy !req
102. Oh, thanks.
Me too.Copy !req
103. I had to go to Montana
to get, you know,Copy !req
104. some things
straight in my life.Copy !req
105. Oh.
Just get away for a while,Copy !req
106. I'm sure you understand
what that's like.Copy !req
107. Yeah.
Oof!Copy !req
108. I was in this really
unhealthy relationshipCopy !req
109. with my ex-wife,
you know?Copy !req
110. Oh.
We were like locusts.Copy !req
111. We'd get together
every seven yearsCopy !req
112. and destroy everything
for miles,Copy !req
113. and then split apart again.Copy !req
114. But, you know,
that's over.Copy !req
115. She's back in New York now,
and I'm here in LA alone,Copy !req
116. which is great,
because I have— you know,Copy !req
117. I can find myself now.Copy !req
118. I'm enjoying
the time alone.Copy !req
119. Larry...Copy !req
120. you read the article
in People Magazine,Copy !req
121. didn't you?Copy !req
122. What article?Copy !req
123. The one about
my engagement being off.Copy !req
124. Oh, no, I didn't.Copy !req
125. So, you're no longer
with, uh...Copy !req
126. C.A.A.?
Sharon?Copy !req
127. Hi.
Hi.Copy !req
128. Excuse me, guys.
I just wanted to say hi.Copy !req
129. Hank Kingsley.
Nice to meet you.Copy !req
130. I just want
you to know it's—Copy !req
131. it's just a real thrill
to meet you.Copy !req
132. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
133. Listen, Larry and I read
the thing in PeopleCopy !req
134. this morning about the, uh...
ow, you're on my, um...Copy !req
135. about the engagement.Copy !req
136. And, listen, just know
that things in this lifeCopy !req
137. happen for a reason.Copy !req
138. Remember that
when we fire you.Copy !req
139. When I say "we,"
I hope you'll participate.Copy !req
140. Ow.Copy !req
141. Well, have a good time
out there on the show.Copy !req
142. Okay.
And welcome.Copy !req
143. Thank you.
Welcome.Copy !req
144. Okay, well,
I'll see you out there.Copy !req
145. You will.
Yeah, he'll be...Copy !req
146. Okay.
He might be there.Copy !req
147. All right. Okay.Copy !req
148. Welcome.Copy !req
149. Okay.Copy !req
150. All right.
Good.Copy !req
151. And Hank?Copy !req
152. Vous êtes
très gentil.Copy !req
153. I wanna thank you
for being here.Copy !req
154. I hope you'll come back soon.Copy !req
155. Thank you... no.Copy !req
156. You'll be coming back,
won't you?
No.Copy !req
157. Come on, won't you
be coming back?Copy !req
158. I don't think so.
You'll be coming back,
won't you?Copy !req
159. You have to come back.
No, that'll be it. Okay.Copy !req
160. Yes, come back, yes.
No, you're coming back.Copy !req
161. All right, I'll come back
to see Hank.Copy !req
162. You have— may I say,
you have a beautiful voice.Copy !req
163. Thank you.Copy !req
164. We'll be right back.Copy !req
165. We have Will Smith.
This has been Sharon Stone.Copy !req
166. And stay tuned, no flipping.
Thanks, Sharon.Copy !req
167. Thank you.Copy !req
168. Uh... let me walk you.Copy !req
169. Thank you.
Boy, thank you.Copy !req
170. Just great.Copy !req
171. Oh, I feel so uncomfortable
when I do these shows.Copy !req
172. Really?
Well, so do I.Copy !req
173. You do?
Yeah.Copy !req
174. You're so good at it.
No, trust me, I hate myself.Copy !req
175. So, what does someone
like you do now?Copy !req
176. Tonight?
Yeah.Copy !req
177. Um, I'm having dinner
with Oliver Stone.Copy !req
178. Wow, that's just
what I imaginedCopy !req
179. someone like you doing,
having dinner with Oliver Stone.Copy !req
180. Larry! Larry!
He's such an interesting guy.Copy !req
181. What are you doing here
during the show?Copy !req
182. Is there a problem
or something?Copy !req
183. There's no problem,
I'm walking Miss Stone out.Copy !req
184. Common courtesy?
Oh, right, right.Copy !req
185. Good, there's a lot
of gang activityCopy !req
186. in this part
of the hallway.Copy !req
187. You know, if you married
Oliver Stone, you'd be...Copy !req
188. Sharon Stone.
Sharon Stone.Copy !req
189. Oh, you've...Copy !req
190. Actually, we are married.Copy !req
191. No, I'm kidding,
I'm not really—
Oh, you frightened me.Copy !req
192. I don't even
really know him.
Are you...Copy !req
193. But we're gonna discuss
a future project.Copy !req
194. Oh, that is so great.
Yeah.Copy !req
195. I'd love to talk to that guy,
'cause I think my motherCopy !req
196. had something to do with
the Kennedy assassination.Copy !req
197. Well, in that case,Copy !req
198. why don't you
join us for dinner?Copy !req
199. You could— you could
come as my date?Copy !req
200. Are you sure I wouldn't,
uh, be imposing?Copy !req
201. I don't want you
to think I tried to weaselCopy !req
202. into your Oliver Stone dinner.Copy !req
203. No, I know you did.
Yeah.Copy !req
204. But I think
he'd like to meet you.
I wasn't trying to.Copy !req
205. Well, that would be great.
It'd be fun.Copy !req
206. I would love that.
Okay.Copy !req
207. Thanks, I'll look
forward to it.Copy !req
208. All right.Copy !req
209. And I gotta go talk
to Will Smith now,Copy !req
210. or believe me,
I... wouldn't leave now.Copy !req
211. All right, great.
Okay.Copy !req
212. Great.Copy !req
213. I'll... I'll follow you
down the block.Copy !req
214. All right, I'll see you
tonight then, okay.Copy !req
215. Good morning.
Good morning, Larry.Copy !req
216. Good morning.
Listen, the TV Guide
reporter's in your office.Copy !req
217. He said it'll only take
about half an hour.Copy !req
218. Oh, okay.Copy !req
219. Is there anything you wanna
tell me about last night?Copy !req
220. Hi— don't stand,
I enjoy feeling really tall.Copy !req
221. Denis Markle, TV Guide.Copy !req
222. Nice meeting you.
Thanks for giving me the time.Copy !req
223. Hey, I love TV Guide.Copy !req
224. I especially love
the crossword puzzle,Copy !req
225. but those... those clues!Copy !req
226. "The Courtship 'blank'
Eddie's Father."Copy !req
227. I was up half the night.Copy !req
228. Of.
Word was "of."Copy !req
229. Oh, is it?
Oh, damn it.Copy !req
230. I put "am."Copy !req
231. Feel free to call me
next time.Copy !req
232. I will— so, I assume
this is, uh...Copy !req
233. Jay, Dave, me,Copy !req
234. the talk show wars,
blah-blah-blah?Copy !req
235. Yeah, but you know,
before we get started,Copy !req
236. I wanted to ask you something.Copy !req
237. I... I understand
you had dinnerCopy !req
238. with Sharon Stone last night.Copy !req
239. How'd you hear that?Copy !req
240. Well, Sharon Stone, you know,
we know everything she does.Copy !req
241. How was the food
at Morton's?Copy !req
242. Great, fine.Copy !req
243. And I understand
you took herCopy !req
244. back to your place
after dinner?Copy !req
245. Excuse me, just a—
you made me think of something.Copy !req
246. Uh, Beverly?Copy !req
247. Beverly on phone:
Yeah?Copy !req
248. Would you do me a favor
and see if we've heardCopy !req
249. from the Cadillac
dealership yet?Copy !req
250. I certainly can.Copy !req
251. Thank you.Copy !req
252. Uh, Larry, I'm sorry
to interrupt you.Copy !req
253. There's an emergency.Copy !req
254. Something fell on Bobby
on the stage.Copy !req
255. Oh, my God.Copy !req
256. Excuse me, uh...
Sure.Copy !req
257. Emergency, uh, I have to go.Copy !req
258. You want me
to stick around?Copy !req
259. Uh... I don't know.Copy !req
260. Something's happened
to Robby.Copy !req
261. Are you okay?Copy !req
262. All this guy did is ask me
about Sharon Stone, okay?Copy !req
263. Okay, Larry,
I'll get rid of him.Copy !req
264. Sharon?
You know— yeah.Copy !req
265. I'm doing an interview
and this...Copy !req
266. Hey, Larry, I heard—
I heard "Cadillac"Copy !req
267. but there was a bottleneck
in the kitchenette.Copy !req
268. I'm doing an interview
with this guy from TV GuideCopy !req
269. and he's asking me
about Sharon Stone.Copy !req
270. He even knew that we had
eaten at Morton'sCopy !req
271. and I was like,
God, what is the point?
Oh, Will Smith was right!Copy !req
272. Oh, for God sakes, Hank.Copy !req
273. If you wanna know
about my relationship,Copy !req
274. just ask me,
don't read that stuff.Copy !req
275. See, I'm sorry,
but I just didn't know—Copy !req
276. I didn't know I had
that option.Copy !req
277. Well...
That's great.Copy !req
278. Good.
So, um...Copy !req
279. what did— what did she eat?Copy !req
280. Oh, for God sakes.
Come on.Copy !req
281. Did Liz mention
that last night's ratingsCopy !req
282. were the highest we've had
this season?Copy !req
283. The ratings weren't higher
than my first nightCopy !req
284. back from Montana, were they?Copy !req
285. Of course not.
Good.Copy !req
286. Hey, let me...
Oh, no.Copy !req
287. Too late, all gone.
What were you saying?Copy !req
288. Excuse me? Larry?Copy !req
289. Uh, Diane called
from Sharon's office.Copy !req
290. Sharon would like to come by
tonight and have dinner
after the show.Copy !req
291. Mmm.
Great.Copy !req
292. Tell her to meet me
in the hallway backstage.Copy !req
293. Okay.Copy !req
294. What?Copy !req
295. What are you doing?Copy !req
296. Mmm.Copy !req
297. I can't... um, I'm gonna...Copy !req
298. What is wrong with him?Copy !req
299. What does this
have to do with publicity?Copy !req
300. This is my personal life.Copy !req
301. I'd like to keep
a little distance.Copy !req
302. Look, Larry, if you're dating
Joanie Baloney,Copy !req
303. who gives a shit...
but Sharon Stone?Copy !req
304. Yeah.
I'm wetting myself.Copy !req
305. Sure, well, that's a preexisting
condition, I believe.Copy !req
306. Look, Larry, I need pictures
of the two of you together—Copy !req
307. laughing, crying,
I don't care.Copy !req
308. Norman, when we came out
of the restaurant,Copy !req
309. there were hundreds
of photographers.Copy !req
310. There must be thousands
of pictures already taken.Copy !req
311. Yeah, I know—
hundreds of pictures of her.Copy !req
312. You're off to the side,
she's blocking you.Copy !req
313. I mean, your ass
is halfway out the limo door.Copy !req
314. You know what,
do me a favor.Copy !req
315. The next time
they start snapping,Copy !req
316. get your head in close,
you know, like this.Copy !req
317. Just get it in like that.Copy !req
318. You know?
That would be better.Copy !req
319. Why don't I just have her
carry me around in a headlock?Copy !req
320. Oh, speaking of which, um...
she must be wild in bed.Copy !req
321. Isn't she wild?Copy !req
322. Would you do me a favor
and step back?Copy !req
323. Let me explain
the second lawCopy !req
324. of thermodynamics
to you, okay?Copy !req
325. Heat always passes
from a hotter bodyCopy !req
326. to a cooler body,
and never the other way around.Copy !req
327. All right, is there
gonna be a quiz on this?Copy !req
328. No, it's fabulous!Copy !req
329. I mean, you see,
you're getting her heat.Copy !req
330. Uh-huh?
That means the show
is getting heat.Copy !req
331. That means my kids will eat.Copy !req
332. You have kids?Copy !req
333. There are some kids
in my neighborhood.Copy !req
334. Who gives a shit?
Look—Copy !req
335. I'll talk to you soon, okay?Copy !req
336. Take care, Arthur.
Norman, you're the tops.Copy !req
337. All right, bye.Copy !req
338. Well, what do you think?
He comes across as being right.Copy !req
339. I think this is insane, Artie.Copy !req
340. If this is the way people react
when I just have dinner,Copy !req
341. what's gonna happen if,
God forbid, I have sex with her?Copy !req
342. The shot heard
round the world.Copy !req
343. What a romantic way
of putting it.Copy !req
344. Look, come on.Copy !req
345. They watch every move
she makes.Copy !req
346. Don't you understand
the current caliberCopy !req
347. of this woman's celebrity?
Yeah.Copy !req
348. I'm a celebrity,
I know what it's likeCopy !req
349. to have your every move
watched, Artie.Copy !req
350. Oh, she's more famous
than you are.Copy !req
351. What?
She's more famous
than you are.Copy !req
352. She's what?
More famous than you.Copy !req
353. Oh, come on,
that is all relative.Copy !req
354. Listen, I'm gonna tell you
what you're gonna go through,Copy !req
355. because I went through this when
I was dating Jackie Bisset.Copy !req
356. Your ego is gonna getCopy !req
357. the living shit
kicked out of it, pal.Copy !req
358. You think you can
handle that, scout?Copy !req
359. I'm all for you,
go right ahead.
I think I can handle it, okay?Copy !req
360. Okay, I bet you can.
Can't we do the show?Copy !req
361. Um... can I talk to you
for just a second?Copy !req
362. You feeling better?
Yeah, I'm fine.Copy !req
363. Could you... could you...Copy !req
364. could you tell me
what happened last night?Copy !req
365. Hank, nothing happened.Copy !req
366. We went to dinner,
I took her home.Copy !req
367. See, I respect that,
see, that's a gentleman,Copy !req
368. and, uh... that's—
I love you for that.Copy !req
369. But come on, this is me.
Hey... did you bang her?Copy !req
370. No— you know who ate
the last donut?Copy !req
371. I'll kill the person
who ate the last donut.Copy !req
372. Was it you?Copy !req
373. Let me explain
something to you.Copy !req
374. I know that never
in this lifetimeCopy !req
375. will I enjoy the act
of lovemaking with someoneCopy !req
376. of Sharon Stone's caliber.Copy !req
377. I know this
and I accept this.Copy !req
378. I am so fat.
So, I am asking youCopy !req
379. to just take pity on me,
please?Copy !req
380. Just take pity
and share with meCopy !req
381. some of God's bountyCopy !req
382. that he has obviously
seen fit to bestow on you.Copy !req
383. You sound like
you're quoting scripture now.Copy !req
384. Are you— are you
aware of that?
Just tell me what happened.Copy !req
385. Can you...Copy !req
386. Did you hear?Copy !req
387. Larry is banging
Sharon Stone!Copy !req
388. You shut the fuck up.Copy !req
389. And hide that.Copy !req
390. Thank you very much.Copy !req
391. How's Sharon?Copy !req
392. Phil?
Hey, great show.Copy !req
393. That's the worst show
we've ever done.
Are you insane?Copy !req
394. I thought you handled
that heckler really well.Copy !req
395. Listen to me, the next time
you bring your fatherCopy !req
396. to the show, you tell him
to keep his mouth shut.Copy !req
397. All right?
I'm sorry.Copy !req
398. I heard it was really
well-received in Europe...Copy !req
399. Is Sharon here yet?Copy !req
400. I don't know, I was
just gonna check it out.Copy !req
401. Oh, I'm sick and tired
of talking aboutCopy !req
402. the sex scenes
in my movie.Copy !req
403. I mean, in this movie
with Sly,Copy !req
404. there's maybe one
four-minute love scene,Copy !req
405. and I think
it's really beautifulCopy !req
406. and really tasteful
as they get.Copy !req
407. But actually, I think
we're gonna see a side of SlyCopy !req
408. that's more vulnerable
and more tender than before.Copy !req
409. I'll just be a minute.Copy !req
410. No, that's okay,
I'm fine, I'll be...Copy !req
411. Did Sly have to shave
for the movie?Copy !req
412. His chest?
Wherever.Copy !req
413. I don't think his depilatory
problems are my concern.Copy !req
414. Larry Sanders.Copy !req
415. Hey, how you doing?Copy !req
416. You're standing
on my cable.Copy !req
417. Oh... sorry.Copy !req
418. I'll be— I'll be
right over here.Copy !req
419. Okay, I'll just be two seconds.Copy !req
420. I do the same amount
of preparationCopy !req
421. as my male costars...Copy !req
422. I thought you were
heading out for dinner.Copy !req
423. Oh.
Uh, reporters.Copy !req
424. She's almost done.Copy !req
425. Hey, I'm really glad to see
the man's finally the oneCopy !req
426. nude in the movie,Copy !req
427. I mean, if you're into
that kind of thing.Copy !req
428. And I am.Copy !req
429. Hear, hear.Copy !req
430. You know, when I had to wait
for Jackie Bisset,Copy !req
431. I used to stand there
with a bookCopy !req
432. and pretend
I was reading, you know?Copy !req
433. Yeah.
Good tip.Copy !req
434. Well, good luck
tonight, buddy.Copy !req
435. taking a little time
and I'm waiting for...Copy !req
436. I'm serious.Copy !req
437. I should tell you
before we get startedCopy !req
438. that I was in the wrestling team
in high school,Copy !req
439. and I can break
any of your holds.
Yeah?Copy !req
440. Yeah.
Well...Copy !req
441. Wow... I only have
one of those.Copy !req
442. I could crush you.
Yeah?Copy !req
443. Well, I know.
I've seen your movies.Copy !req
444. Oh!Copy !req
445. Listen, I keep
forgetting to ask you.Copy !req
446. Mm?
I have tickets
for the Clinton dinner.Copy !req
447. Yeah?
And I was wonderingCopy !req
448. if you would like
to go with me,Copy !req
449. because I have
two seats at table 20,Copy !req
450. which I understand
is excellent.Copy !req
451. You do?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
452. That's great.
You wanna go?Copy !req
453. I have two tickets too,Copy !req
454. I was gonna ask you
to be my date.
Really?Copy !req
455. Yeah, really.Copy !req
456. Well, isn't that perfect?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
457. Where are you sitting?
Where's your seats?Copy !req
458. One.Copy !req
459. One?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
460. One what?Copy !req
461. Table one.
You're at table one?Copy !req
462. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
463. Well, that sounds
closer than my table.Copy !req
464. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
465. Table one?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
466. Who are you sitting with?Copy !req
467. Bill and Hillary.Copy !req
468. Oh, them.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
469. Well, I guess we could sit
with them if you wanted to.Copy !req
470. Great.Copy !req
471. What's wrong?
Oh, nothing.Copy !req
472. Nothing.Copy !req
473. It's not you,
it's just...Copy !req
474. I don't— it's the radio.Copy !req
475. Let me...
What's wrong?Copy !req
476. Nothing, what's wrong
with you?Copy !req
477. It's the radio.
Are you okay?Copy !req
478. Wait, I just gotta
turn the radio off.Copy !req
479. There.Copy !req
480. All right,
there we go.Copy !req
481. There we go.Copy !req
482. Table one?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
483. Well...
Well, you're just tired,
I guess.Copy !req
484. I don't know.
I'll tell you what.Copy !req
485. Maybe.Copy !req
486. Yeah.
I just...Copy !req
487. You're just tired,
you're working too hard.Copy !req
488. Yeah, maybe we should
watch a little TV.Copy !req
489. Hank on TV:
Larry Sanders.Copy !req
490. Tonight, join Larry
and his guestsCopy !req
491. Mel Gibson, Ellen DeGeneres,
Wolfgang PuckCopy !req
492. and me— hey now—
Hank Kingsley.Copy !req
493. And now, because he's
better looking than I am,Copy !req
494. Larry Sanders!Copy !req
495. Are you actually telling me
you couldn't get an erectionCopy !req
496. until you turned your own
goddamn show on?Copy !req
497. Gentlemen, please!Copy !req
498. Look, he was being clinical.Copy !req
499. He didn't call it
a woody.Copy !req
500. What happened?Copy !req
501. You have to eat while
we're talking about this?Copy !req
502. Please?Copy !req
503. Everything was going fine.Copy !req
504. We're in bed— terrific—
and then I ask herCopy !req
505. if she wants to go
to the Clinton dinner.Copy !req
506. And she says
she's already goingCopy !req
507. and she's sitting
with the Clintons.Copy !req
508. The next thing I know,
all the blood in my bodyCopy !req
509. settled in my ass.Copy !req
510. I warned you, didn't I?Copy !req
511. If you're in
a show business relationshipCopy !req
512. and the woman's more famous
than you are,Copy !req
513. she's the one
with the dick.Copy !req
514. Oh, this has nothing to do
with being famous.Copy !req
515. I can show you a list
of women this longCopy !req
516. that aren't famous
that I haven't been ableCopy !req
517. to get it up with.Copy !req
518. That came out wrong.Copy !req
519. Take your time.Copy !req
520. It's only been a few days,
and you know what?Copy !req
521. It feels like this relationship
is all about her.Copy !req
522. This is not about me.Copy !req
523. I have no iden— you know
what I'm talking about?Copy !req
524. Yeah!
No identity...Copy !req
525. Uh-huh.
in this thing.Copy !req
526. It's all about her.Copy !req
527. Believe me, I know.Copy !req
528. Not me. Sharon and who?
Sharon and who?Copy !req
529. Beverly on phone:
Larry, she's on line two.Copy !req
530. Okay, thank you.
Sharon?Copy !req
531. Woman on phone:
Hello?Copy !req
532. Sharon?Copy !req
533. It's Diane.
Who's this?Copy !req
534. Oh, it's, uh, it's Larry.Copy !req
535. Oh, hi.Copy !req
536. Did Sharon
give you this number?Copy !req
537. Uh, yeah.
Is she there?Copy !req
538. Larry, I'm sorry.Copy !req
539. Could I ask you to hold
for just a second?Copy !req
540. Okay. Sure.Copy !req
541. Hi, who's this?Copy !req
542. Larry.
Larry, I'm sorry.Copy !req
543. I'm trying to track
Sharon down for you.Copy !req
544. Please hold.Copy !req
545. Larry?
Yeah?Copy !req
546. I'm sorry, Larry,
I feel like an idiot.Copy !req
547. I totally forgot.
Sharon's not here.Copy !req
548. She went to Canyon Ranch
for a couple of weeks.Copy !req
549. Oh, Canyon Ranch.
Yeah.Copy !req
550. Can I, uh, put you on hold
for just a second?Copy !req
551. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
552. Beverly? Beverly?Copy !req
553. Get in here right now,
I need you.Copy !req
554. Uh, it's Diane.Copy !req
555. Oh, sorry.
Hold on.Copy !req
556. Beverly?Copy !req
557. Beverly on phone:
Yeah?Copy !req
558. Would you come in for a second?
I need you.Copy !req
559. Diane?
Larry?Copy !req
560. No, Diane,
this is Beverly.Copy !req
561. Hi.
Hi there.Copy !req
562. Listen, Diane, Larry tells me
that Sharon's goneCopy !req
563. to Canyon Ranch
for a couple of weeks?Copy !req
564. Yes, I totally forgot.Copy !req
565. Oh, Diane, I'm gonna
have to put you on holdCopy !req
566. for just a minute.Copy !req
567. See, Canyon Ranch
is a female equivalentCopy !req
568. to Big Bear.
She's blowing me off.Copy !req
569. No, no, I don't know,
maybe she has just gone...Copy !req
570. She is—
to Canyon Ranch
for a couple of weeks.Copy !req
571. She's blowing me off.Copy !req
572. You know what, I need to get
out of this relationship.Copy !req
573. I need somebody
who is not in show business.Copy !req
574. Someone who can, uh,
nurture me.Copy !req
575. Larry, do you know, I had
the same exact conversationCopy !req
576. with both your ex-wives?Copy !req
577. Well, that is a coincidence.Copy !req
578. Yeah, probably,
but in any event,Copy !req
579. you want me to take care
of it for you?Copy !req
580. Yeah.Copy !req
581. Diane?
Listen...Copy !req
582. this Canyon Ranch thing,
you know,Copy !req
583. just between the two of us,Copy !req
584. does it mean
what I think it does?Copy !req
585. Are you alone?Copy !req
586. Yeah.Copy !req
587. Sharon really likes Larry,Copy !req
588. but she feels she needs
to be involved with somebodyCopy !req
589. outside show business,Copy !req
590. somebody who can
nurture her.Copy !req
591. I— yeah, I understand that,
yeah.Copy !req
592. So— so, this is over, right?Copy !req
593. Yeah, it's over.
Thanks, Beverly.Copy !req
594. You bet.Copy !req
595. Are you okay?Copy !req
596. Yeah, I just
hate confrontation.Copy !req
597. Sure glad I'm out of that.Copy !req
598. I hope we've learned
our lesson.Copy !req
599. You okay?Copy !req
600. Can't believe
she's out of our lives.Copy !req
601. All right.Copy !req
602. Boy, does he
crave attention.Copy !req
603. Oh, he's taking it
badly though.Copy !req
604. You know, I need to meet
somebody normal,Copy !req
605. like a nurse
or a schoolteacher.Copy !req
606. I vote for a nurse.
They can get you drugs,Copy !req
607. and those girls really know
how to swing.Copy !req
608. When I was in
for my hernia, listen,Copy !req
609. I wanted a sponge bath,
and I'm like, "Whoa, baby."Copy !req
610. Who's that?Copy !req
611. I believe that's a lovely
and talented Julianne Phillips.Copy !req
612. And she's not more famous
than I am, is she?Copy !req
613. No!Copy !req
614. Julianne!Copy !req
615. I'm Arthur,
I met you with Dan.Copy !req
616. Yes, of course!
Nice to see you.Copy !req
617. You know Larry, don't you?
Hi, I'm Larry.Copy !req
618. Hi.
It's a pleasure to meet you.Copy !req
619. It's a pleasure—
I'm a big fan of your show.Copy !req
620. Well, thank you,
I'm a big fan of yours.Copy !req
621. Oh, thank— are you going
to the Clinton dinner on Friday?Copy !req
622. Yeah, are you going?Copy !req
623. Yeah, I have a couple
extra tickets, actually.Copy !req
624. Well, I— I've got
two tickets too.Copy !req
625. Oh, where are you sitting?Copy !req
626. Table two.Copy !req