The L Word 1x12

1. CHECK IT OUT.

2. HO, HO, HO, YEAH!

3. YEAH!

4. COME ON.

5. COME ON.

6. PLEASE?

7. THE MORE THE MERRIER.

8. YEAH,

9. ALL THE WAY!

10. I WAS THINKING

11. ABOUT ASKING

12. YOLANDA'S EX-GIRLFRIEND

13. TO BID

14. ON THE PROVOCATIONS JOB.

15. IS SHE A CONTRACTOR?

16. A CARPENTER.

17. SHE'S GOT

18. AN ALL-WOMAN CREW.

19. THAT'S COOL.

20. YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY

21. HIRE HER.

22. HEY.

23. OH, HEY, GUYS.

24. HELLO.

25. HELLO.

26. GOOD MORNING.

27. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

28. ARE HIS PILLS.

29. HE GETS THEM

30. THREE TIMES A DAY.

31. IT'S RIGHT HERE, SEE?

32. THREE TIMES A DAY

33. WITH WET FOOD,

34. AND IT'S BEST

35. JUST TO SORT OF LET HIM

36. WAKE UP ON HIS OWN

37. BECAUSE

38. HE'S LESS CRABBY

39. ABOUT TAKING THEM

40. THAT WAY,

41. BUT HE SHOULD...

42. HE SHOULD BE OKAY,

43. RIGHT, P.?

44. RIGHT, MR. P. MAN?

45. WOW, YOU ARE UP

46. SO EARLY, BETTE.

47. YEAH, WELL, I GUESS

48. IT'S JUST THE EXCITEMENT

49. OF THE TRIP.

50. THAT SHE'S TOO BUSY

51. TO GO ON.

52. YEAH, BUT SOMEONE'S

53. READY TO PARTY

54. FOR THE BOTH OF US.

55. THAT'S RIGHT.

56. RIGHT ON, HUH?

57. YEAH, LET'S GO.

58. YES.

59. UM, WAS JENNY'S

60. A REGULAR LATTE?

61. IS JENNY GOING WITH YOU?

62. I INVITED HER.

63. I FELT BAD FOR HER.

64. SHE'S ALL ALONE.

65. WELL, THAT'S GOOD.

66. I GUESS.

67. SAY, "BYE, EVERYBODY.

68. "I'M GOING TO STAY

69. WITH AUNTIE KIT

70. "WHILE MOM GOES AWAY

71. WITH ALL OF HER

72. FRIENDS," RIGHT?

73. SAY, "BYE, SHANE.

74. BYE, LENORE.

75. "BYE, BETTE AND TINA.

76. HAVE FUN

77. IN PALM SPRINGS."

78. YES, MR. P.

79. AUNTIE KIT

80. WILL WATCH YOUR BACK.

81. THANK YOU SO MUCH, KIT.

82. WHOO-HOO.

83. CONGRATULATE ME.

84. I GOT MY PERIOD.

85. SO WHY

86. ARE WE CONGRATULATING YOU?

87. HUH?

88. BECAUSE I LOVE

89. GETTING MY PERIOD.

90. SHE DOES. EVER SINCE

91. SHE WAS A KID.

92. RIGHT.

93. YEAH, NO, BECAUSE IT

94. REAFFIRMS MY WOMANHOOD.

95. I LIKE TO CELEBRATE IT

96. TO, YOU KNOW,

97. SHOW WOMEN EVERYWHERE

98. IT'S A BLESSING,

99. IT'S NOT A CURSE.

100. OKAY, YOU GUYS,

101. ROAD TRIP?

102. LET'S GO.

103. SEE YOU, KIT.

104. BYE, BETTE.

105. I'LL CALL YOU.

106. HAVE A SLIPPERY NIPPLE FOR ME.

107. I WILL.

108. GOOD-BYE, P. MAN.

109. BYE.

110. BYE.

111. BY THE WAY,

112. YOU WERE AMAZING

113. ON INSIGHT WITH GEORGE PARSON.

114. I MEAN, ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.

115. I REALLY APPLAUD YOUR CAUSE

116. AND YOUR COMMITMENT AND...

117. OH, GOD, THAT BITCH,

118. FAE BUCKLEY,

119. YOU SHOULD HAVE DECKED HER.

120. THANK YOU.

121. IT WAS GREAT.

122. SO IS THIS

123. A GOLF TOURNAMENT?

124. YEAH.

125. IT'S THE KRAFT-NABISCO

126. PROFESSIONAL

127. WOMEN'S GOLF TOURNAMENT.

128. OTHERWISE KNOWN AS

129. THE DINAH SHORE WEEKEND.

130. IS SHE GAY?

131. NO, DINAH SHORE'S

132. DEAD.

133. SHE DIED BACK IN '94,

134. AND, ACTUALLY, THE WORD IS

135. THAT SHE HATED HER SNOOTY

136. LITTLE GOLF TOURNAMENT

137. TURNED INTO

138. A SPRING BREAK FOR LESBIANS,

139. REFUSED TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT.

140. YOU GUYS,

141. THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE,

142. LIKE, 10,000 WOMEN THERE.

143. WOW.

144. OH, GOD.

145. SHE'S DONE RESEARCH.

146. YEAH, I'M DOING A STORY ON IT

147. FOR THE WEEKLY.

148. GOT TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT

149. OF THIS LAME-ASS WEEKEND, RIGHT?

150. AND DANA'S GETTING

151. AN H.R.C. AWARD.

152. YEAH,

153. AND WE'RE TOTALLY PROUD OF HER.

154. WHAT'S THAT?

155. IT'S THE HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN.

156. IT'S THE BIGGEST GAY

157. CIVIL RIGHTS ORGANIZATION

158. IN THE COUNTRY.

159. IT'S A HUGE DEAL.

160. CONGRATULATIONS.

161. THANK YOU.

162. THANK GOD.

163. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES

164. I HAD TO HEAR THAT SONG

165. WHEN ALICE WAS FIRST

166. COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET?

167. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.

168. IT WAS ALL

169. ABOUT ANNIE FLAHERTY.

170. OH, TELL THEM

171. YOUR COMING-OUT STORY, HONEY.

172. IT'S SO HILARIOUS.

173. FIRST OF ALL,

174. IT'S NOT MY COMING-OUT STORY.

175. IT WAS JUST

176. A DRUNK HIGH SCHOOL GROPE.

177. TELL US

178. YOUR COMING-OUT STORY.

179. WELL, THEY GOT HAMMERED,

180. THE TWO OF THEM,

181. AND THEN THEY SCAMPERED

182. UNDER THE BLEACHERS

183. FOR A SMOKE,

184. WHICH, OF COURSE,

185. SHE WAS NOT ALLOWED TO DO,

186. AND THEN, JUST AS THEY

187. WERE ABOUT TO KISS...

188. ANNIE VOMITED ALL OVER ALICE.

189. OH!

190. OH.

191. NOW, MY REAL COMING-OUT STORY

192. HAPPENED IN COLLEGE.

193. MY BOYFRIEND GREG AND I

194. HAD THIS BAND CALLED BUTTER,

195. AND WE PLAYED EVERY WEEKEND

196. AT THE TAP ROOM,

197. WHICH WAS LIKE

198. OUR LITTLE BAR ON CAMPUS.

199. BUTTER RULES!

200. IT WAS THREE GUYS AND ME,

201. AND I DON'T KNOW,

202. I WASN'T THAT INTO IT,

203. BUT GREG THOUGHT WE WERE GOING

204. TO GO ALL THE WAY.

205. HEY!

206. WHERE'S BRAD?

207. WHERE THE FUCK

208. IS BRAD?

209. BUT ANYWAY, OUR BASS PLAYER

210. QUITS ONE DAY, RIGHT,

211. SO WE HAD THREE DAYS

212. TO FIND A NEW ONE,

213. SO WE HOLD THESE AUDITIONS,

214. AND ALL THESE GUYS COME,

215. AND THEY COULDN'T PLAY BASS

216. TO SAVE THEIR LIVES.

217. GET YOUR FEET

218. OFF THE TABLE.

219. SHOW SOME RESPECT.

220. DAVE, GIVE ME MY LAST

221. FUCKING CIGARETTE!

222. FUCKING COCK.

223. AND THEN...

224. TAYO WALKS ONSTAGE.

225. DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME.

226. GOD. GET AWAY FROM ME.

227. WE WERE FAMOUS

228. IN OUR LITTLE COLLEGE UNIVERSE.

229. I MEAN, PEOPLE WERE COMING

230. JUST TO SEE US.

231. AND ME AND TAYO,

232. WE HAD AMAZING CHEMISTRY

233. ONSTAGE.

234. TAYO AND I ONLY LASTED

235. ABOUT TWO MONTHS.

236. AFTER ME,

237. SHE WENT THROUGH

238. EVERY GAY, LESBIAN,

239. BISEXUAL,

240. AND TRANSGENDERED

241. ORGANIZATION ON CAMPUS.

242. SHE TOTALLY BROKE MY HEART.

243. THAT'S WHY

244. YOU'RE A DIRTY BISEXUAL, HUH?

245. LET'S HEAR YOUR STORY.

246. OH, THAT'S NICE.

247. YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO THAT.

248. WHY?

249. IT'S PROBABLY

250. FRESH WOUNDS.

251. IT WAS 12 YEARS AGO, MOM.

252. GOD, SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL.

253. IT WAS AT TENNIS CAMP.

254. I WAS 16.

255. SHE WAS 17.

256. EVERYBODY, OUT ON THE COURTS.

257. COME ON. LET'S GO.

258. SHE WAS MY COUNSELOR.

259. I'D TELL YOU HER NAME,

260. BUT SHE'S FAMOUS NOW,

261. SO I CAN'T.

262. I'LL JUST CALL HER RALPH.

263. AREN'T YOU READY YET?

264. GOD, SHE HAD

265. THE MOST BEAUTIFUL EYES

266. YOU'VE EVER SEEN.

267. I LOVE YOU,

268. I LOVE YOU MORE.

269. WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?

270. SHE NEEDED TO TELL SOMEBODY

271. ABOUT IT, RIGHT?

272. SO SHE WROTE

273. HER BEST FRIEND AT HOME

274. AND TOLD HER ABOUT US

275. AND HOW IN LOVE WE WERE...

276. AND HER FRIEND

277. TOLD HER PARENTS...

278. AND HER PARENTS YANKED HER

279. OUT OF TENNIS CAMP, LIKE THAT.

280. HONEY,

281. WE'LL TALK IN A MINUTE.

282. I DON'T WANT TO TALK

283. ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW.

284. JUST GO, PLEASE.

285. AFTER THAT,

286. I RAN INTO HER AT A FEW MATCHES,

287. AND SHE WOULDN'T EVEN

288. LOOK AT ME.

289. SO ANYWAY, THAT'S IT.

290. TENNIS PLAYERS

291. ARE LIKE GIRLS IN COLLEGE—

292. GAY UNTIL GRADUATION.

293. HEY, I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.

294. JAMES...

295. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY SORRY

296. EVERY TIME

297. YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL ME.

298. OKAY, WELL, I'M SORRY.

299. A CANDACE JEWELL

300. IS HERE FOR YOU.

301. CAN YOU TELL HER

302. I'LL MEET HER

303. IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM?

304. OKAY.

305. SO I THINK

306. WE'LL DEDICATE

307. THIS GALLERY

308. TO TWO ARTISTS.

309. ISABELLA PERNAO,

310. WHO DOES THESE AMAZING

311. LARGE-SCREEN VIDEO

312. INSTALLATIONS,

313. WHO I THINK SHOULD

314. BE ON THIS WALL,

315. AND RAY FIELD'S WORK

316. SHOULD BE

317. ON THE OTHER WALL.

318. HE DOES HAND-DRAWN,

319. LETTERED BOOKS,

320. SO WE'RE GOING TO NEED

321. TO CONSTRUCT SOME

322. DISPLAY CASES FOR THOSE.

323. IT'S JUST LIKE

324. THEATER-SET CONSTRUCTION.

325. IS THAT A GOOD THING?

326. WELL, I DID IT IN COLLEGE,

327. AND I LOVED IT.

328. OH.

329. LOOK, WHAT IF,

330. INSTEAD OF WALL MOUNTING,

331. WE WERE TO CONSTRUCT

332. SOME FREE-STANDING

333. SCAFFOLDING HERE?

334. YOU KNOW, IT WOULD WORK

335. SOMETHING LIKE SHOJI SCREENS.

336. I THINK IT WOULD REALLY

337. MAKE THE SPACE MORE DYNAMIC

338. FOR DISPLAYING

339. THE WORK.

340. HMM.

341. WELL, HOW LONG

342. WOULD IT TAKE YOU

343. TO GET ME A BID?

344. I DON'T KNOW. TODAY?

345. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

346. OKAY.

347. OKAY, THEN.

348. MY COMING-OUT STORY

349. ALSO INVOLVES SOMEONE FAMOUS.

350. IS SHE GAY?

351. NO.

352. IT WAS THE '70s,

353. AND EVERY WEEKEND

354. I WENT

355. TO ONE OF THESE PARTIES

356. AT "THE MANSION"...

357. WHICH, OF COURSE,

358. WAS FULL OF SWINGERS

359. AND ORGIES AND DRUGS,

360. AS I AM SURE YOU GIRLS KNOW.

361. SO ONE NIGHT,

362. THERE WAS AN EX

363. OF MINE

364. THAT I HADN'T SEEN

365. IN YEARS,

366. AND HE WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE

367. IN THE LIVING ROOM,

368. AND ALL I COULD THINK OF

369. TO SAY TO HIM WAS...

370. "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU

371. TO WAIT IN THE CAR."

372. MOM, THAT IS STRAIGHT

373. OUT OF TALLULAH BANKHEAD'S

374. BIOGRAPHY.

375. THAT DOESN'T MEAN

376. THAT I DIDN'T SAY IT.

377. ANYWAY, WHERE WAS I?

378. MM-HMM!

379. THE POOL.

380. WELL, I DON'T WANT

381. TO BE INDISCREET HERE,

382. BUT THERE WAS AN INCIDENT

383. IN A POOL

384. WITH TWO GIRLS, AND, UM...

385. I MEAN, THESE GIRLS

386. WERE REAL KNOCKOUTS.

387. I MEAN, MOST OF THE GIRLS

388. THAT WENT TO THOSE PARTIES

389. WERE KNOCKOUTS,

390. BUT THEY WERE GIVING EACH OTHER

391. A TONSIL INSPECTION

392. THAT WOULD HAVE MADE A DOCTOR

393. BLUSH.

394. SO I DECIDED,

395. "WHAT THE HEY?"

396. AND JOINED IN...

397. AND WHAT CAN I SAY?

398. ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER,

399. AND...

400. IT WAS HOT.

401. OKAY. SHANE.

402. DO YOU WANT TO SHARE

403. YOUR STORY?

404. YEAH, UM...

405. THAT'S EASY.

406. TIFFANY GARDNER.

407. SHE WAS THIS GORGEOUS BLONDE

408. WHO LIVED DOWN THE STREET...

409. AND I USED TO SIT FOR HOURS

410. AND WATCH HER PLAY IN THE PARK.

411. AND THEN, ONE DAY,

412. I THOUGHT,

413. "YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK THIS.

414. "ENOUGH'S ENOUGH.

415. I'M GOING TO MEET THIS CHICK."

416. SO I PACK UP MY SUNSHINE MEAL,

417. AND I WALK OVER TO HER...

418. AND SHE'S JUST SITTING THERE

419. IN THE SAND

420. PLAYING HARD TO GET...

421. AND I KNEW I WAS HOOKED.

422. THAT GIRL

423. TOOK MY SUNSHINE MEAL TOY,

424. AND THEN SHE TOOK MY HEART.

425. OKAY. PERFECT TIMING.

426. HERE WE ARE.

427. JENNY, WILL YOU OPEN THE DOOR

428. FOR MY MOM?

429. THAT REMINDS ME

430. OF THIS BEAUTIFUL

431. BUT TRAGIC LESBIAN

432. WHO ONCE PASSED OUT

433. ON MY KITCHEN FLOOR...

434. AND I'LL NEVER FORGET.

435. JOHN CASSAVETES

436. AND GENA ROWLANDS

437. HAD COME FOR LUNCH THAT DAY,

438. AND, OF COURSE, THEY'D HAD

439. A COUPLE OF DRINKS, AS HAD I,

440. AND JUST AS THEY WALK

441. IN THE KITCHEN,

442. SHE WAKES UP—

443. MOM, I THINK

444. YOUR PHONE'S RINGING.

445. OH, LET ME

446. JUST FINISH MY STORY.

447. SO SHE WAKES UP,

448. JUST AT THAT MOMENT—

449. MAYBE

450. IT'S YOUR NEW AGENT.

451. OH, MY GOD.

452. YOU'RE RIGHT.

453. BYE, LENORE.

454. BYE, LENORE.

455. BYE, LENORE.

456. YOU KNOW WHAT, DANA?

457. HELP ME.

458. WHAT?

459. JUST HELP ME. JUST HELP—

460. GRAB A BAG.

461. I CAN GET THAT ONE.

462. JUST GRAB A BAG.

463. I CAN GET IT.

464. COME ON.

465. MOM, I LEFT THE BAG

466. ON THE PORCH!

467. GET IN THE CAR!

468. BYE, LENORE.

469. GO, GO, GO, GO, GO.

470. OH, MY GOD.

471. AM I GOING TO HELL FOR THAT?

472. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU, GUYS.

473. YOUR ASSES WERE IN THIS VAN

474. SO FAST. COME ON.

475. POOR LENORE.

476. AW, FUCK.

477. HELLO?

478. NO, MA—

479. HI. NO.

480. NO, NO. OF COURSE NOT.

481. NO, IT'S JUST, WE DIDN'T KNOW

482. HOW LONG YOU WERE GOING TO BE,

483. AND DANA'S GOT TO REGISTER

484. FOR THE EVENT...

485. SO, YEAH.

486. OKAY, YEAH. OF COURSE.

487. OF COURSE.

488. I WILL.

489. OKAY. I'LL TALK TO YOU SOON.

490. OKAY. BYE.

491. SHE WAS MAKING US CRAZY,

492. RIGHT?

493. I MEAN...

494. RIGHT?

495. YEAH, YEAH.

496. DANA? DANA FAIRBANKS.

497. SO, SO GLAD TO MEET YOU.

498. I'M TONYA, GUEST LIAISON.

499. I'M HERE TO TAKE CARE

500. OF ALL YOUR NEEDS.

501. OH.

502. LET ME GET THIS FOR YOU.

503. EXCUSE ME.

504. THIS IS DANA FAIRBANKS,

505. OKAY?

506. WE NEED SOMEONE

507. TO TAKE HER STUFF

508. TO HER ROOM, SUITE 251.

509. SO ARE YOU ALONE?

510. UH, NO,

511. I'M WITH FRIENDS.

512. DID YOU WANT TO BRING THEM

513. TO THE DINNER?

514. I'M SURE

515. I CAN GET THEM TICKETS.

516. I NEED YOU AT A PHOTO SHOOT

517. IN ABOUT AN HOUR, BUT—

518. I JUST NEED TO MAKE

519. A FEW CALLS.

520. UH, WE'LL BE FINE.

521. YEAH, WE DON'T WANT

522. TO CRAMP DANA'S STYLE.

523. OH, OKAY.

524. SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU HERE.

525. I'M GOING TO HAVE

526. TO PROTECT YOU

527. FROM SOME OF THE STAFF.

528. SERIOUSLY, THOUGH.

529. I AM HERE TO ACT

530. AS A BUFFER

531. BETWEEN YOU

532. AND YOUR FANS, OKAY?

533. THAT IS PART MY JOB.

534. OKAY.

535. NOW, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU

536. THE KEY TO YOUR ROOM...

537. THANKS.

538. AND HERE'S MY CARD.

539. I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU

540. MY CELL PHONE NUMBER,

541. AND I WANT YOU TO USE IT

542. IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL.

543. OKAY.

544. I'M TALKING

545. ABOUT A SECOND OPINION

546. ON WHAT PAIR

547. OF SHOES TO WEAR.

548. YOU JUST CALL ME,

549. OKAY?

550. OKAY.

551. AND I'LL SEE YOU

552. IN AN HOUR.

553. OKAY.

554. OKAY.

555. THANKS.

556. BYE, LADIES.

557. BYE.

558. BYE-BYE.

559. WOW.

560. DOES THAT THING COME

561. WITH BATTERIES, DANA?

562. HUH?

563. OH.

564. OH, MY GOD.

565. I'VE NEVER SEEN

566. SO MANY WOMEN IN ONE PLACE

567. IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

568. AND EVERY ONE

569. OF THEM'S GREASED UP

570. AND READY TO GO.

571. WE SHOULD

572. GO DOWN THERE, YOU GUYS.

573. GUYS? GUYS?

574. IS THIS SUIT

575. TOO CONSERVATIVE?

576. I BROUGHT A DRESS.

577. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.

578. THE SUIT'S GREAT.

579. THANKS.

580. HI. IS DANA HERE?

581. UH-HUH. YEAH.

582. EXCELLENT.

583. WOW. YOU LOOK PHENOMENAL.

584. BUT I BET YOU WOULD

585. IN ANYTHING THAT YOU WORE.

586. HERE'S SOME PASSES

587. TO SOME OF THE EVENTS

588. AND A CHANCE TO WIN

589. AN OLIVIA CRUISE.

590. THANKS,

591. TONYA.

592. SO ARE YOU READY

593. TO GO?

594. UH-HUH.

595. EXCELLENT.

596. WELL, I'VE GOT MY WORK

597. CUT OUT FOR ME WITH YOU.

598. PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE

599. ALL OVER YOU TONIGHT.

600. BYE, GIRLS.

601. OH, YEAH.

602. HAVE FUN.

603. THANK YOU.

604. THANK YOU AGAIN.

605. BYE.

606. THANK YOU.

607. LET ME SEE THOSE.

608. OH.

609. I HAVE YOUR ESTIMATE FOR YOU.

610. OKAY, UM, THIS IS $50 MORE

611. THAN THE HIGHEST BIDDER.

612. MAY I?

613. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THIS?

614. THERE ARE THREE SIDES

615. TO THE TRIANGLE, SEE?

616. FAST. GOOD. CHEAP.

617. YEAH.

618. YOU CAN HAVE ANY TWO

619. OF THE THREE IN COMBINATION,

620. BUT YOU CAN NEVER HAVE

621. ALL THREE TOGETHER.

622. OF COURSE YOU CAN.

623. I MEAN, IF YOU HAVE

624. ENOUGH MONEY—

625. OH, RIGHT,

626. THEN IT WOULDN'T BE CHEAP. OKAY.

627. YOU CAN HAVE

628. FAST AND GOOD,

629. BUT THAT TAKES A BIG CREW

630. OF SKILLED, HIGHLY PAID WORKERS.

631. AND I CAN HAVE

632. FAST AND CHEAP,

633. BUT THEN THE END PRODUCT

634. WOULD PROBABLY LOOK LIKE SHIT.

635. YOU CAN HAVE CHEAP AND GOOD—

636. THAT'S THE ONE I WANT.

637. BUT YOU'LL PROBABLY

638. BE BUMPING UP

639. AGAINST THAT CARPENTER

640. FOR THE BETTER PART OF A YEAR.

641. UM, UH, OKAY.

642. ARE YOU HERE

643. FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER?

644. BECAUSE I LOVE THAT CUBAN PLACE

645. UP THE STREET FROM HERE.

646. I COULD PICK US UP

647. SOME TAKE-OUT, IF YOU WANT.

648. I'LL DRAW YOU

649. SOME ROUGH SKETCHES

650. OF WHAT I'M THINKING

651. WHILE WE EAT.

652. OKAY.

653. GOOD.

654. I'LL PUT THE ORDER IN.

655. YOU LOOK AT THAT

656. WHILE I'M GONE.

657. WOW, ALICE.

658. WHO KNEW?

659. I'M THINKING

660. NOT DINAH SHORE.

661. CAN I HAVE ONE?

662. OH, WAIT. AL...

663. WHAT?

664. WHAT ABOUT YOU, JENNY?

665. UM, MAYBE IF I HAD

666. A FEW MORE OF THESE SHOTS.

667. OH, WAIT.

668. HOLD ON. HOLD ON.

669. PRESENT FOR BETTE?

670. OH, MY GOD.

671. THAT'S GOOD.

672. WHAT, SHOULD I CALL HER

673. AND ASK HER IF I SHOULD WEAR

674. ONE OF THESE T-SHIRTS

675. WHILE I'M HERE?

676. ABSOLUTELY.

677. MAKE IT A SURPRISE.

678. WE JUST FOUGHT ALL THE TIME.

679. I MEAN,

680. YOU KNOW HOW YOLANDA IS.

681. MM-HMM.

682. SHE ISN'T HAPPY UNLESS

683. SHE'S RANTING ABOUT SOMETHING.

684. YOU KNOW, SHE CAN'T ABIDE YOU

685. IF YOU DISAGREE WITH HER,

686. SHE WON'T RESPECT YOU

687. IF YOU DON'T CHALLENGE HER.

688. THAT IS SO TRUE.

689. SHE SHOULD HAVE STAYED

690. IN THERAPY.

691. YEAH.

692. EXCUSE ME.

693. CAN YOU EXCUSE ME

694. FOR A SECOND?

695. HEY.

696. HI.

697. OH, MY GOD.

698. THIS IS INSANE.

699. I WISH YOU COULD SEE IT.

700. IT'S TOTALLY CRAZY.

701. SAY HI TO THE GIRLS.

702. HEY, BETTE.

703. HI, BETTE.

704. SEE?

705. EVERYBODY

706. MISSES YOU.

707. I'M GLAD

708. YOU'RE HAVING FUN, BABY.

709. YOU DESERVE IT.

710. I'M JUST HERE HAVING SOME FOOD

711. WITH CANDACE.

712. SHE'S STILL TAKING

713. SOME MEASUREMENTS.

714. WHAT, BABE?

715. IT'S SO LOUD HERE.

716. I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

717. ARE YOU STILL AT WORK?

718. YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD TRY

719. TO GET SOME REST

720. BEFORE THE ARTISTS GET THERE,

721. YOU ALWAYS DO THAT.

722. YEAH, I'LL TRY.

723. TINA, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

724. WHAT, BABE?

725. HELLO?

726. OH, BABY, IT'S BREAKING UP.

727. I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

728. LOOK, I'M GOING

729. TO CALL YOU BACK LATER.

730. BYE.

731. IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

732. I HEARD

733. SOME OF THE ARTWORK

734. WAS BEING HELD UP

735. AT CUSTOMS.

736. NO, NOTHING

737. LIKE THAT.

738. IT WAS MY GIRLFRIEND.

739. OH.

740. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD ONE.

741. WHY WOULD YOU?

742. WELL, AT LEAST

743. I CAN HAVE A DRINK NOW.

744. CHEERS.

745. OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

746. LOOK, RIGHT THERE.

747. SEE?

748. THAT'S WHAT I CALL

749. A HUNDRED-FOOTER.

750. WHAT'S THAT?

751. IT MEANS

752. YOU CAN TELL SHE'S A LESBIAN

753. FROM A HUNDRED FEET AWAY.

754. IS IT HER HAIR?

755. IS IT HER JOGBRA?

756. IS IT HER MANDLES?

757. I DON'T KNOW.

758. I CAN TELL SHE'S A LESBO

759. FROM ACROSS A FOOTBALL FIELD.

760. YOU GUYS?

761. WHAT AM I?

762. NO. YOU'RE IN TRANSITION.

763. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

764. NO, COME ON.

765. NO, YOU NEED, LIKE,

766. A GUY OR A GIRL WITH YOU

767. TO TIP YOU ONE WAY

768. OR THE OTHER.

769. IT'S NOT, IT'S...

770. RIGHT?

771. YEP. MM-HMM.

772. FUCK.

773. WELL, I GUESS I'D BETTER

774. GET BACK TO WORK,

775. SO I CAN GET BACK TO BED

776. SOMETIME TONIGHT.

777. YEAH.

778. I HAVE A PHONE MEETING

779. AT 7:00 A.M.

780. WITH NEW YORK.

781. OH. I MISS IT.

782. I'M FROM BROOKLYN.

783. I GREW UP THERE.

784. OLD-SCHOOL BROOKLYN.

785. YOU KNOW, BEFORE

786. IT WAS FASHIONABLE.

787. NORTH PHILLY,

788. BEFORE IT WAS

789. A WAR ZONE.

790. RIGHT.

791. THIS IS TOTALLY

792. A WHITE PARTY, YOU GUYS.

793. I'M GOING TO GO

794. HAVE ANOTHER DRINK.

795. BYE.

796. ALL RIGHT.

797. SEE YOU LATER.

798. BYE.

799. ONE, TWO, THREE...

800. OH, FUCK.

801. GOOD GIRL.

802. NICE.

803. GUH!

804. OKAY, SO THEN

805. WHAT HAPPENED?

806. SO I GO OVER TO HER HOUSE,

807. LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT,

808. AND I'M STANDING THERE,

809. AND I'M WATCHING HER

810. WITH HER REAL GIRLFRIEND,

811. WHICH, BY THE WAY,

812. I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT,

813. AND THEY'RE WATCHING ME

814. LIKE I'M THIS LITTLE

815. SORT OF AMUSEMENT,

816. SORT OF LIKE

817. THIS LITTLE PLAYTHING.

818. MEANWHILE,

819. BACK AT THE RANCH,

820. MY BOY—

821. NO, I'M SORRY, MY HUSBAND—

822. MY... MY LIFE—

823. MY LIFE IS COMPLETELY RUINED.

824. YOU KNOW, SHE MANAGED

825. TO FUCKING DESTROY

826. MY RELATIONSHIP

827. WHILE LEAVING HERS

828. COMPLETELY INTACT.

829. WAIT, SO THIS IS THE FIRST WOMAN

830. YOU WERE EVER WITH?

831. OH, MY GOD.

832. THIS IS MY COMING-OUT STORY.

833. LADIES, I AM TELLING

834. ALL OF YOU GUYS

835. MY COMING-OUT STORY.

836. TELL IT! TELL IT!

837. TELL IT!

838. TELL IT!

839. TELL IT! TELL IT!

840. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

841. I GO TO A PARTY

842. AT MY NEIGHBORS',

843. BETTE AND TINA'S HOUSE.

844. BETTE AND TINA!

845. YES. OKAY.

846. I'M AT THE PARTY,

847. AND THERE SHE IS.

848. I SEE MARINA.

849. SHE WAS POSSIBLY

850. THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

851. I'D EVER SEEN.

852. LATER ON THAT NIGHT,

853. SHE FOLLOWED ME

854. INTO THE BATHROOM.

855. AND THEN SHE DOES IT—

856. THE THING.

857. "AM I CRAZY? AM I DRUNK?

858. AM I HALLUCINATING?"

859. AND I WAS THINKING,

860. "AM I CRAZY?

861. "AM I DRUNK?

862. AM I HALLUCINATING?"

863. AND THEN SHE DOES IT...

864. THE THING THAT WOULD GO ON

865. TO CONFUSE ME

866. AND FUCK WITH ALL THINGS

867. STABLE

868. IN MY LIFE...

869. AND THEN I'M WALKING

870. OUT THE DOOR,

871. AND I'M THINKING,

872. "OH, MY GOD,

873. "I HAVE JUST HAD

874. THE BEST FUCKING SEX

875. IN MY WHOLE

876. FUCKING LIFE, MAN!"

877. NO, NO, NO, YOU GUYS,

878. GUYS, I'M SERIOUS.

879. THIS IS PROBABLY

880. THE BEST SEX

881. THAT ANYBODY CAN HAVE

882. ON THE FUCKING PLANET EARTH,

883. AND THEN SHE DOES IT.

884. SHE DOES THIS FUCKING THING.

885. COME HERE.

886. NO, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU.

887. OKAY, WAIT.

888. I'VE GOT TO BE HER.

889. OKAY.

890. JENNY...

891. I HOPE THIS

892. DOESN'T MAKE IT WORSE...

893. BUT I THINK

894. I COULD FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU.

895. OH!

896. THAT'S GROSS!

897. SO CHEESY!

898. THAT'S FUCKED.

899. FUCK HER.

900. NOTICE, IT'S NOT

901. "I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU,"

902. IT'S "I THINK

903. I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU."

904. SHE SAID, "I THINK

905. I COULD FALL IN LOVE

906. WITH YOU."

907. THAT'S EVEN WORSE.

908. YOU DON'T HEAR

909. THE "I THINK I COULD" PART,

910. BECAUSE YOU'RE

911. NOT SUPPOSED TO.

912. IT'S A TRICK.

913. IT'S A FUCKING LOOPHOLE.

914. SHE WRECKED MY FUCKING LIFE

915. WITH SUPPOSITION.

916. HERE.

917. WHAT?

918. GO AHEAD.

919. CALL HER UP.

920. TELL HER

921. WHAT A FUCKING FUCKER SHE IS.

922. YOU NEED TO SAY IT.

923. GO ON. DO IT.

924. IT'LL CLEANSE YOU.

925. YOU THINK

926. I SHOULD CALL HER UP?

927. YES.

928. CALL HER! CALL HER!

929. CALL HER! CALL HER!

930. CALL HER!

931. I'M GOING

932. TO CALL HER UP.

933. DO IT!

934. TELL HER!

935. I'M GOING TO TELL HER

936. WHAT A FUCKING FUCKER SHE IS

937. FOR FUCKING WITH MY LIFE...

938. FOR LEAVING HER LIFE

939. EXACTLY THE WAY IT IS.

940. I'M GOING TO SET

941. THAT FUCKING BITCH—

942. YES, YOU GO GIRL!

943. STRAIGHT.

944. DO IT!

945. SHE'LL NEVER KNOW

946. UNLESS YOU TELL HER.

947. SHH. PLEASE, PLEASE.

948. OKAY, IT'S RINGING.

949. OH, MY GOSH. IT'S HER.

950. I GOT YOU.

951. HI!

952. IS THOMAS THERE?

953. OH, THIS ISN'T

954. TOM'S HOUSE?

955. HELLO?

956. BITCH HUNG UP ON ME.

957. PERFECT.

958. I'LL TAKE THAT.

959. THAT WAS VERY NICE OF YOU.

960. WELL...

961. THAT WAS VERY KIND.

962. IT WAS MY PLEASURE.

963. YEAH.

964. OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

965. OH, MY GOD, YOU WERE

966. SO AMAZING IN THERE.

967. YOU SHOULD BE SO PROUD

968. OF YOURSELF.

969. OH, THANK YOU.

970. YOU KNOW,

971. THAT STORY ABOUT YOUR MOTHER—

972. HI!

973. HI.

974. HOW ARE YOU?

975. TRULY WAS HYSTERICAL,

976. OKAY?

977. HI! HI.

978. AND YOUR SUBARU

979. COMING-OUT STORY?

980. OH, MY GOD.

981. IT BROKE MY HEART.

982. IT DID?

983. WELL, JUST TELL ME,

984. DID YOU AND LARA—

985. WERE YOU ABLE

986. TO WORK IT OUT?

987. HOW ARE YOU? HI.

988. NO, I TOTALLY BLEW—

989. DANA! DANA!

990. I KNOW I'M BEING

991. A TOTAL GEEK RIGHT NOW,

992. BUT WOULD YOU SIGN

993. MY UNDERWEAR FOR ME?

994. MISS FAIRBANKS

995. HAS AN APPOINTMENT, OKAY?

996. PLEASE?

997. EXCUSE ME.

998. I—I—I—

999. UNBELIEVABLE.

1000. HI.

1001. WE HAVE THIS BET ON

1002. OVER HERE

1003. AND, UH, DO YOU

1004. HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

1005. I REALLY DON'T THINK

1006. THAT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS.

1007. OH, MY GOD.

1008. NO.

1009. NOW, WE NEED

1010. TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE

1011. BECAUSE YOUR FANS

1012. ARE GETTING OUT OF CONTROL.

1013. IT IS FLYING THROUGH THE AIR.

1014. I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW

1015. WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE.

1016. WELL, WHEN YOU'RE WORKING

1017. WITH SOMEONE ELSE,

1018. IT'S ALL ABOUT TRUST.

1019. YOU'RE LIKE, "IS THIS PERSON

1020. MAD AT ME TODAY?"

1021. "DID I GIVE THEM A REASON

1022. TO NOT CATCH ME RIGHT NOW?"

1023. IF I WERE

1024. A TRAPEZE ARTIST,

1025. I DON'T THINK THAT ANYBODY

1026. WOULD CATCH ME.

1027. I THINK

1028. THAT I WOULD PROBABLY NEED,

1029. LIKE, THIS MASSIVE NET

1030. OR SOMETHING.

1031. YOU KNOW THAT'S, LIKE,

1032. THE THIRD TIME

1033. YOU'VE REFERRED YOURSELF

1034. AS WORTHLESS?

1035. I MEAN, IS THIS YOUR BIG

1036. LEAVING LAS VEGAS MOMENT?

1037. YOU COME TO DINAH SHORE

1038. TO GET ALCOHOL POISONING

1039. AND DIE?

1040. NO. I'M NOT—

1041. I'M NOT SUICIDAL.

1042. I'VE JUST FUCKED UP MY LIFE

1043. JUST A LITTLE BIT.

1044. YOU KNOW?

1045. SO CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING?

1046. WHAT?

1047. WORKING ON THE TRAPEZE

1048. IS LIKE FUCKING UP.

1049. I MEAN, YOU'RE UP THERE,

1050. 50 FEET ABOVE THE GROUND,

1051. YOU KNOW,

1052. AND YOU DELIBERATELY LET GO

1053. OF THE ONLY SECURITY YOU HAVE

1054. TO GO FLYING THROUGH THE AIR.

1055. IN THAT MOMENT,

1056. EVERYTHING'S LOST.

1057. YOU COULD LIVE

1058. OR YOU COULD DIE,

1059. BUT YOU'VE TAKEN

1060. THAT RISK,

1061. AND GRABBING THAT BAR AGAIN

1062. IS LIKE GETTING A SECOND CHANCE.

1063. SO YOU GRAB IT,

1064. AND YOU FUCKING SWING ON IT,

1065. AND YOU DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN,

1066. JENNY, YOU KNOW?

1067. THANKS.

1068. NO, I REALLY...

1069. NO PROBLEM.

1070. I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS.

1071. THERE ARE PROBABLY

1072. TONS OF PEOPLE IN MY ROOM—

1073. DANA, I'VE GOT TO BE

1074. HONEST WITH YOU.

1075. YEAH?

1076. WHOA.

1077. I WANT TO MAKE LOVE

1078. TO YOU.

1079. OH. OKAY.

1080. UM... HUH.

1081. MAGNIFICENT.

1082. I LOVE YOU

1083. SO MUCH, DARLING,

1084. MORE THAN YOU SEEM ABLE

1085. TO UNDERSTAND.

1086. OH...

1087. I NEVER REALLY

1088. KNEW HAPPINESS

1089. UNTIL I LOVED YOU.

1090. SOMETIMES, WHEN I USED

1091. TO BE AFRAID...

1092. HI.

1093. HEY.

1094. HEY.

1095. HEY.

1096. I'VE JUST NEVER SEEN

1097. SO MUCH DEBAUCHERY

1098. IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

1099. I HAD SO MUCH TEQUILA...

1100. I HAVE NO IDEA

1101. WHY I'M STILL STANDING

1102. RIGHT NOW,

1103. AND THEN I HAD TO,

1104. LIKE,

1105. STEP OVER ALL THESE—

1106. ALL THESE...

1107. WOMEN-BODIES

1108. IN ORDER TO GET TO THIS ROOM,

1109. WHICH WAS SORT OF CRAZY,

1110. YOU KNOW?

1111. WHAT HAPPENED

1112. WITH THE LADY, ANYTHING?

1113. I HAVE A DATE

1114. ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT IN L.A.

1115. WOW.

1116. WOW.

1117. HEY.

1118. ALL RIGHT.

1119. GOOD JOB.

1120. OOH, IT'S ON VIBRATE.

1121. I LIKE IT.

1122. OH, HERE, LET ME—

1123. I'LL JUST...

1124. SORRY... GET THIS.

1125. HELLO?

1126. YEAH. OOH, SORRY.

1127. HI, AL, YEAH.

1128. DO YOU LIKE THAT?

1129. NO, IT'S, YEAH...

1130. DOES THAT FEEL GOOD?

1131. AT THE HOTEL. MM-HMM.

1132. PEOPLE.

1133. YEAH. SOON.

1134. I'VE GOT TO GO. OKAY.

1135. GOT TO GO. BYE.

1136. YOU GUYS,

1137. DANA'S HOOKING UP.

1138. OH, MY GOD.

1139. HO...

1140. OH, NO.

1141. IT'S NOT THAT WEIRD

1142. HOSPITALITY CHICK, IS IT?

1143. OKAY, CALL ME

1144. A HIPPIE,

1145. BUT THAT GIRL

1146. HAS BAD FUCKING VIBES.

1147. ALL RIGHT?

1148. I MEAN,

1149. AND DANA'S JUDGMENT SUCKS,

1150. RIGHT? EXCEPT FOR LARA.

1151. AL, LOOK WHO'S TALKING.

1152. OKAY.

1153. WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT

1154. TO MEET THE RIGHT PERSON?

1155. YOU KNOW?

1156. ALL OF YOUR STORIES

1157. ARE ABOUT CONFUSION

1158. AND UNFULFILLED DESIRE

1159. AND DISAPPOINTMENT, RIGHT?

1160. YEAH, BUT THAT

1161. PRETTY MUCH HAPPENS

1162. TO EVERYONE WHO TRIES

1163. TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

1164. OKAY, TINA, I'M SORRY,

1165. BUT I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU

1166. TO BUST OUT YOUR STORY.

1167. NO...

1168. YEAH, GIVE THESE WOMEN

1169. SOME HOPE.

1170. SIT DOWN. SIT.

1171. THANK YOU.

1172. SPEAK.

1173. OKAY.

1174. WELL, I WAS DATING

1175. THIS ENTERTAINMENT LAWYER—

1176. ERIC.

1177. WHAT?

1178. I WAS THERE.

1179. ALL RIGHT,

1180. IT WAS RIGHT AFTER

1181. ME AND BETTE

1182. STOPPED DATING,

1183. AND WE WERE IN THAT

1184. "BEST FRIEND" STAGE,

1185. AND ERIC WAS PRETTY HOT,

1186. I HAVE TO SAY.

1187. HE'S A BIG

1188. ART COLLECTOR,

1189. AND ONE NIGHT

1190. HE TOOK ME TO THIS ART OPENING

1191. AT THE BETTE PORTER GALLERY.

1192. I HELPED HER FIND THAT SPACE,

1193. YOU KNOW.

1194. I KNOW.

1195. ANYWAY, SHE HAD

1196. THIS AMAZING REPUTATION

1197. FOR PICKING

1198. ALL THE GREAT ARTISTS,

1199. AND SHE WAS SMART

1200. AND TOUGH...

1201. EXCUSE ME, BETTE.

1202. AND UNBELIEVABLY BEAUTIFUL.

1203. THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND,

1204. TINA KENNARD.

1205. SHE HEADS UP DEVELOPMENT

1206. AT ALPHAVILLE.

1207. TINA,

1208. BETTE PORTER.

1209. NICE TO MEET YOU.

1210. HEY. NICE TO MEET YOU.

1211. BETTE,

1212. WE WERE WONDERING.

1213. HOW WOULD CATHERINE OPIE FEEL

1214. ABOUT US BLOWING UP

1215. THAT PRINT THERE

1216. TO ABOUT

1217. FIVE-BY-SIX FEET?

1218. WELL, WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER

1219. YOURSELF?

1220. SHE'S RIGHT OVER THERE.

1221. I THINK

1222. I'LL JUST STAY HERE.

1223. OKAY.

1224. EXCELLENT.

1225. AND SO THEN

1226. ERIC AND I GOT INVITED

1227. TO ONE OF HER ARTIST DINNERS,

1228. AND HER ARTIST DINNERS

1229. WERE REALLY, REALLY FAMOUS.

1230. THERE WERE

1231. ALL THESE PEOPLE THERE

1232. FROM PARIS AND NEW YORK...

1233. SOME CELEBRATED INTELLECTUAL,

1234. YOU KNOW,

1235. SOME BIG-SHOT CRITIC.

1236. IT WAS, UH, INTIMIDATING,

1237. BUT SHE WAS SO WARM

1238. AND GRACIOUS.

1239. ARE YOU COMING

1240. TO SIT DOWN?

1241. YEAH. YEAH...

1242. I JUST REALLY LIKE THIS ONE.

1243. AND THEN, UM,

1244. AND THEN THE EARRING THING

1245. HAPPENED.

1246. OH.

1247. YOU'VE LOST YOUR EARRING

1248. IN YOUR HAIR.

1249. THANK YOU.

1250. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

1251. I'M REALLY, REALLY EXCITED

1252. TO GET STARTED.

1253. NO, THANK YOU.

1254. IT'S A DREAM PROJECT,

1255. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.

1256. GOOD NIGHT.

1257. GOOD NIGHT.

1258. TINA, I DIDN'T KNOW

1259. THAT BETTE

1260. WAS YOUR FIRST GIRLFRIEND.

1261. YEAH.

1262. FIRST, LAST, AND FOREVER.

1263. AREN'T YOU

1264. KIND OF CURIOUS, THOUGH,

1265. TO BE

1266. WITH SOMEONE ELSE?

1267. YEAH, DEFINITELY.

1268. I THINK, "GOD, AM I GOING

1269. TO GO TO MY GRAVE

1270. AND BETTE WILL BE THE ONLY WOMAN

1271. I'VE EVER SLEPT WITH?"

1272. BUT THEN I LOOK AT HER

1273. AND I THINK,

1274. "WHAT MORE COULD I WANT?"

1275. WELL, TELL THEM

1276. THE REST.

1277. OKAY, SO THEN, THAT NIGHT,

1278. I GO HOME,

1279. AND I REALIZE

1280. I LEFT THE EARRING

1281. AT HER GALLERY,

1282. EVEN THOUGH I COULD HAVE SWORN

1283. THAT I PUT IT BACK ON MY EAR.

1284. CALL IT FATE.

1285. OR CALL IT THE OLDEST TRICK

1286. IN THE BOOK.

1287. I COULD HAVE SWORN

1288. I WATCHED YOU

1289. PUT THIS BACK ON.

1290. I FORGOT SOMETHING.

1291. YEAH. YOU DID.

1292. I FORGOT...

1293. THAT I WON'T BE ABLE

1294. TO SLEEP TONIGHT

1295. IF I DON'T TELL YOU

1296. THAT ALL I'VE WANTED TO DO

1297. ALL DAY LONG IS KISS YOU.

1298. PLEASE TELL ME

1299. IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO.

1300. I SHOULD GO,

1301. SHOULDN'T I?

1302. YEAH, YOU SHOULD.

1303. HELLO?

1304. HEY, YOU.

1305. YEAH.

1306. I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW.

1307. YEAH.

1308. OKAY, THAT SOUNDS NICE.

1309. ALL RIGHT.

1310. YOU'RE HOT.

1311. THANK YOU.

1312. SHE'S SO CUTE.

1313. NO, IT'S OKAY. GO.

1314. OKAY. OKAY.

1315. CHERIE...

1316. NO, NOTHING, NOTHING.

1317. NOTHING. I'M OKAY.

1318. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

1319. OKAY. BYE.

1320. I CAN'T BELIEVE

1321. I'M ABOUT TO GO DOWN

1322. ON DANA FAIRBANKS.

1323. OH...

1324. OH, MY GOD.

1325. I SLEPT IN MY CLOTHES.

1326. HEY, AL.

1327. TELL ME EVERYTHING!

1328. TELL ME EVERYTHING!

1329. TELL ME EVERYTHING.

1330. WHERE WERE YOU?

1331. HI, BABY.

1332. THERE YOU ARE.

1333. OH, YOU SOUND

1334. EXHAUSTED.

1335. DID YOU WORK LATE LAST NIGHT?

1336. YEAH, YEAH, I DID.

1337. WELL, YOU'RE NOT

1338. THE ONLY ONE...

1339. 'CAUSE DANA JUST CRAWLED IN

1340. THIS MORNING.

1341. I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR

1342. ABOUT IT.

1343. SO WHEN ARE YOU

1344. COMING HOME?

1345. OH, I DON'T KNOW.

1346. I'LL TRY TO GET

1347. THE GIRLS ON THE ROAD,

1348. BUT I DON'T THINK WE'RE REALLY

1349. GOING TO MAKE IT

1350. UNTIL THIS AFTERNOON

1351. BECAUSE DANA

1352. HAS SOME AUTOGRAPH THING.

1353. OKAY. MISS YOU.

1354. BYE.

1355. DANA!

1356. WHERE'S DANA?

1357. SAYING GOOD-BYE

1358. TO HER FANS.

1359. SHIT.

1360. WHAT?

1361. SHE IS NOT...

1362. SHE'S NOT!

1363. HEY, GUYS!

1364. HEY.

1365. YOU REMEMBER TONYA, RIGHT?

1366. UH-HUH.

1367. MM-HMM.

1368. SHE'S COMING WITH US.

1369. I'LL GET YOUR BAG.

1370. LET'S GO.

1371. OH, MY GOD!

1372. ME TOO!

1373. I AM TOTALLY

1374. A MORNING PERSON.

1375. MY EX-GIRLFRIEND USED TO THINK

1376. I WAS COMPLETELY PSYCHOTIC

1377. BECAUSE I'D GET UP

1378. SO EARLY, BUT WHATEVER.

1379. I SAY, CARPE DIEM, RIGHT?

1380. RIGHT.

1381. YEAH, YOU MUST

1382. HAVE TO GET UP SO EARLY

1383. TO TRAIN, HUH?

1384. I DO.

1385. I BET YOU DO.

1386. NOW, BROTHERS

1387. OR SISTERS?

1388. I HAVE A BROTHER, HOWIE, 16.

1389. HE'S A TOTAL PAIN IN MY ASS.

1390. I'LL BET HE'S CUTE, THOUGH.

1391. HE'D HAVE TO BE.

1392. HE'S FROM YOUR FAMILY, RIGHT?

1393. AW, SHUT UP.

1394. OKAY, CAT

1395. OR DOG PERSON?

1396. PLEASE SAY DOG,

1397. BECAUSE I HATE CATS.

1398. I KNOW THAT'S NOT

1399. VERY LESBIAN OF ME AND STUFF,

1400. BUT I THINK THEY'RE

1401. SO COLD AND UNFEELING.

1402. WELL, I GUESS SOME

1403. OF THEM CAN BE, YEAH,

1404. BUT SOME OF THEM

1405. ARE ALMOST HUMAN.

1406. YOU THINK?

1407. WELL, MINE IS.

1408. I REALLY LOVE MR. PIDDLES.

1409. MR. PIDDLES?

1410. YEAH. HE'S DANA'S CAT.

1411. WELL, I THINK THAT'S GREAT,

1412. AND I TOTALLY AGREE

1413. WITH YOU, YOU KNOW?

1414. THESE KIND OF DECISIONS

1415. HAVE TO BE MADE

1416. ON A CAT-BY-CAT BASIS.

1417. RIGHT.

1418. I CANNOT WAIT

1419. TO MEET MR. PIDDLES.

1420. SEE? OKAY,

1421. I KNEW YOU'D GET IT.

1422. DO YOU WANT TO SEE

1423. A PICTURE?

1424. I WOULD LOVE TO.

1425. OKAY.

1426. YOU HAVE A PICTURE

1427. OF YOUR CAT?

1428. THAT'S SO CUTE.

1429. MR. PIDDLES.

1430. SENOR PIDDLES,

1431. INTERNATIONAL CAT OF MYSTERY.

1432. MY MYSTERIOUS ONE-MAN SHOW.

1433. HE'S MY SPECIAL FURRY MAN.

1434. SEE?

1435. MEOW.

1436. BYE!

1437. SEE YOU LATER.

1438. WE'LL SEE YOU, GUYS.

1439. WHAT THE FUCK

1440. ARE WE GOING TO DO?

1441. WHAT ARE WE GOING

1442. TO DO ABOUT WHAT?

1443. YOU GUYS,

1444. DON'T TELL ME

1445. YOU DON'T THINK

1446. SHE'S TROUBLE.

1447. WELL, YEAH, THE CAT THING

1448. WAS A BIT MUCH.

1449. YEAH, AND THAT STORY

1450. ABOUT MEETING ANNE HECHE

1451. IN THE RESTAURANT?

1452. I MEAN,

1453. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?

1454. AND YOU GUYS,

1455. I GAVE HER 50 BUCKS

1456. FOR THE GAS...

1457. AND I WATCHED THE METER,

1458. NOT TO BE CRAZY,

1459. BUT IT WAS $32.50,

1460. AND SHE DIDN'T GIVE ME

1461. ANY FUCKING CHANGE.

1462. WHAT?

1463. WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU

1464. SAY ANYTHING?

1465. WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

1466. I GUESS I NEED MORE EVIDENCE

1467. OR SOMETHING...

1468. AND WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?

1469. "DANA, YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S

1470. A GRIFTER?"

1471. I MEAN, SHE'S HAPPY.

1472. I CAN'T.

1473. HEY.

1474. I JUST THOUGHT I'D LET YOU KNOW

1475. I'M OUT HERE WORKING.

1476. THANK YOU.

1477. I'M SORRY.

1478. I CAN'T.

1479. YOU CAN'T WHAT,

1480. BABE?

1481. HEY.

1482. HI.

1483. UM, I—I'M—

1484. I JUST WAS THINKING

1485. THAT I'M NOT SURE

1486. THAT I CAN GET THE SHOW READY

1487. IN THREE WEEKS.

1488. YOU CAN DO IT.

1489. THAT PARTY

1490. WAS SO CRAZY.

1491. GOD, IT JUST MADE ME

1492. WANT TO GO HOME

1493. AND CURL UP IN BED

1494. WITH YOU.