1. THANK YOU.Copy !req
2. WELCOME TO THE "JESELNIKCopy !req
3. OFFENSIVE."Copy !req
4. I'M ANTHONY JESELNIK.Copy !req
5. HOW YOU KIDS DOI TONIGHT?Copy !req
6. FANTASTIC.Copy !req
7. WE HAVE ANOTHER PERFECT SHOW FORCopy !req
8. YOU TONIGHT.Copy !req
9. JOHN MELLANY AND TTJ MILLER ARECopy !req
10. HERE.Copy !req
11. A LOT OF BAD THINGS HAPPENEDCopy !req
12. THIS WEEK WHICH GOES TO SHOW YOUCopy !req
13. EVERY DAY'S A GIFT.Copy !req
14. OLYMPUS HAS FULLEN.Copy !req
15. LAST WEEK PRESIDENT OBAMA JAMDCopy !req
16. JULIAS PIERCE AS THE FIRSTCopy !req
17. FEMALE DIRECTOR OF THE SECRETCopy !req
18. SERVICE.Copy !req
19. EVEN THE PRESIDENT AGREESCopy !req
20. PROTECTION IS THE WOMAN'SCopy !req
21. RESPONSIBILITY.Copy !req
22. SPOILER ALERT.Copy !req
23. A SCRIPT FROM THE FINAL SEASONCopy !req
24. OF BREAKING BAD WAS STOLEN FROMCopy !req
25. THE CAR LAST WEEK.Copy !req
26. AUTHORITIES ARE ON THE LOOK-OUTCopy !req
27. FOR ANY NON-WHITE PERSONCopy !req
28. DISCUSSING BREAKING BAD.Copy !req
29. HUDDLE UP, BITCHES, IT'S RUMOREDCopy !req
30. A CURRENT NFL PLAYER IS STRONGLYCopy !req
31. CONSIDERING COMING OUT OF THECopy !req
32. CLOSET WITHIN THE NEXT FEWCopy !req
33. MONTHS.Copy !req
34. INSIDERS WONDER WHETHER THECopy !req
35. PLAYER WILL BE OSTRACIZED FORCopy !req
36. BEING GAY OR PRAISED FOR HAVINGCopy !req
37. THE COURAGE TO QUARTERBACK THECopy !req
38. PATRIOTS TO THREE SUPER BOWLCopy !req
39. TITLES.Copy !req
40. A TOWN IN IRELAND HAS LEGALIZEDCopy !req
41. DRINKING AND DRIVING AS LONGS ASCopy !req
42. YOU DRIVE SLOWLY AND STAY OFFCopy !req
43. THE MAIN ROADS.Copy !req
44. SO JUST LIKE WHAT EVERYONECopy !req
45. PRETENDS THE LAW IS EVERYWHERE.Copy !req
46. THIS IS HEAVY, CVS IS NOWCopy !req
47. REQUIRING EMPLOYEES TO REPORTCopy !req
48. THEIR WEIGHT AND THEY SLAMMEDCopy !req
49. THE POLICY AS AN INVASION OFCopy !req
50. POLICY AND WENT BACK TOCopy !req
51. MASTURBATING TO YOUR KIDS' BATHCopy !req
52. TIME PHOTOS.Copy !req
53. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.Copy !req
54. A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTCopy !req
55. CELEBRATING HIS 18th BIRTHDAYCopy !req
56. WAS KILLED ON A SUBWAY TRAINCopy !req
57. TRYING TO CROSS TRACKS ON ACopy !req
58. DARE.Copy !req
59. WHEN REACHED FOR COMMENT ACopy !req
60. FRIEND WITH HIM AT THE SAME SAIDCopy !req
61. OKAY, TRUTH.Copy !req
62. DO THE SEATS GO ALL THE WAYCopy !req
63. BACK?Copy !req
64. A KNOXVILLE WOMAN WAS REST OFEDCopy !req
65. AFTER SHE WAS CAUGHT PERFORMINGCopy !req
66. ORAL SEX ON A MAN TO GET ACopy !req
67. BETTER DEAL ON A CADILLAC.Copy !req
68. THE WOMAN CALLED DID ANCopy !req
69. EMBARRASSING MISTAKE AND THE MANCopy !req
70. CALLED IT A CADILLAC OFCopy !req
71. NEGOTIATING.Copy !req
72. AND FINALLY, CANNON BALL.Copy !req
73. TV'S NEWEST HIT SHOW, SPLASH, ONCopy !req
74. TV WHERE CELEBRITIES LIKE LOUYCopy !req
75. ANDERSON TRIES TO DIE HIGH DRIVECopy !req
76. AND THE SHOW WOULD BE PERFECTCopy !req
77. EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THE POOL HASCopy !req
78. WATER IT IN.Copy !req
79. THAT WAS A GREAT MONOLOGUE.Copy !req
80. MORE AND MORE YOUNGCopy !req
81. GIRLS ARE STARVING THEMSELVESCopy !req
82. AND OVEREXCESSING BECAUSE THEIRCopy !req
83. BOYFRIEND WANT THEM TO HAVE BORNCopy !req
84. STAR BODY.Copy !req
85. IT'S UNATTAINABLE BODY.Copy !req
86. EITHER YOU'RE A 14-YEAR-OLDCopy !req
87. ASIAN OR NOT.Copy !req
88. THE WAY WOMEN VIEW THEIR BODIESCopy !req
89. A SENSITIVE SENSITIVE TOPIC AND IT'S TOOCopy !req
90. SENSITIVE THAT'S WHEN WE MAKECopy !req
91. FUN OF IT IN A SEGMENT WE CALLEDCopy !req
92. SACRED COW.Copy !req
93. WE CHOSE FEMALE BODY IMAGE.Copy !req
94. CAN YOU DISCUSS FEMALE BODYCopy !req
95. IMAGE WITHOUT BEING INSULTINGCopy !req
96. AND DEGRADING?Copy !req
97. OF COURSE NOT.Copy !req
98. ENJOY.Copy !req
99. DOCTOR WHAT IS YOUR NAME ANDCopy !req
100. WHAT DO.Copy !req
101. I'M A LICENSED THERAPIST.Copy !req
102. WHY DO YOU THINK SOCopy !req
103. MANY WOMEN HAVE BODY IMAGECopy !req
104. ISSUES.Copy !req
105. THERE'S CULTURAL PRESSURE ANDCopy !req
106. MEDIA PRESSURE TO LOOK A CERTAINCopy !req
107. WAY AND THEN THERE IS THECopy !req
108. THINKING IF I LOOK THAT CERTAINCopy !req
109. WAY MY LIFE IS GOING TO BECopy !req
110. PERFECT.Copy !req
111. YEAH, WOMEN ARECopy !req
112. NUTS, RIGHT?Copy !req
113. HOW DO YOU TELL WHEN OF YOURCopy !req
114. PATIENTS THEY'VE GAINED BACK TOOCopy !req
115. MUCH WEIGHT.Copy !req
116. I'VE NEVER TELL MY PATIENCECopy !req
117. THEY'VE GAINED BACK TOO MUCHCopy !req
118. WEIGHT.Copy !req
119. DO YOU SEND A CARDCopy !req
120. SAYING YOU'VE GOTTEN FAT AGAIN.Copy !req
121. NO, I WANT TO DECREASE THECopy !req
122. EMPHASIS ON WHAT SOMEONE LOOKSCopy !req
123. LIKE.Copy !req
124. THAT'S MY JOB.Copy !req
125. SO YOU'RE NEVERCopy !req
126. LIKE HEY, FATTY, FAT, FAT, FAT.Copy !req
127. HOW'D YOU GET SO FAT.Copy !req
128. YOU'D NEVER GO THAT ROUTE ANDCopy !req
129. MAKE IT FUN.Copy !req
130. NO, I'D NEVER MAKE IT FUN.Copy !req
131. WHAT PART DOES THECopy !req
132. MEDIA PLAY IN MAKE WOMEN OBSESSCopy !req
133. WITH THEIR BODIES.Copy !req
134. THE AVERAGE MODEL IS 5'11"Copy !req
135. AND WEIGH 115 POUNDS WOMEN SEECopy !req
136. IT AND THINK IT'S NORMAL.Copy !req
137. THAT'S PROGRESS.Copy !req
138. DO YOU THINK YOU'RE HAPPY INCopy !req
139. YOUR BODY.Copy !req
140. I'M NAILING IT.Copy !req
141. I THINK WE'RE WE'RE BOTHCopy !req
142. NAILING.Copy !req
143. NEXT, I'M GOING TALK TO ANCopy !req
144. ANOREXIC GIRL.Copy !req
145. YOU SHOULD AVOID TALKINGCopy !req
146. ABOUT HER APPEARANCE.Copy !req
147. SO YOU HAVE ANCopy !req
148. EATING DISORDER.Copy !req
149. MOST WOMEN WITH SLOW SELF-ESTEEMCopy !req
150. JUST SLEEP WITH A BUNCH OF GUYS.Copy !req
151. WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT.Copy !req
152. YOU CAN DO BOTH.Copy !req
153. THAT'S WHAT I WASCopy !req
154. LOOKING FOR.Copy !req
155. CAN I BE HONEST, YOU'RE PERFECT,Copy !req
156. OTHER THAN MENTALLY.Copy !req
157. SO WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND WHAT DOCopy !req
158. YOU DO?Copy !req
159. MY NAME IS MARIA AND I'M ACopy !req
160. COS METOLOGIST.Copy !req
161. WHY DO YOU THINK WOMEN WITH MEATCopy !req
162. ON THEIR BONES ARE HAPPIER THANCopy !req
163. OTHER GIRLS.Copy !req
164. WE'RE HAPPIER BECAUSE WE'RECopy !req
165. FULL.Copy !req
166. DO YOU PREFER THECopy !req
167. TERM CHUBBY, FULL-FIGURED ORCopy !req
168. BEST VALUE.Copy !req
169. BEST VALUE.Copy !req
170. THAT'S A GOOD ONE.Copy !req
171. IT IS.Copy !req
172. WHAT'S THE MOSTCopy !req
173. HURTFUL FAT JOKE YOU'VE HEARD?Copy !req
174. HERE'S EXAMPLES.Copy !req
175. HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU KNOW ACopy !req
176. FAT PERSON STOPPED EATING?Copy !req
177. HOW?Copy !req
178. READ THEIRCopy !req
179. OBITUARY.Copy !req
180. KNOCK-KNOCK.Copy !req
181. WHO'S THERE?Copy !req
182. OBESITY.Copy !req
183. IT'S NOT A JOKE IT'S A WAKE-UPCopy !req
184. CALL.Copy !req
185. TELL ME YOU JUST GOT HIT BY ACopy !req
186. CAR.Copy !req
187. I JUST GOT HIT BY A CAR.Copy !req
188. OH, MY GOD, IS THECopy !req
189. CAR OKAY.Copy !req
190. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEINGCopy !req
191. HERE.Copy !req
192. YOU HAVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR.Copy !req
193. THANK YOU.Copy !req
194. YOU'RE MORBIDLYCopy !req
195. AWESOME.Copy !req
196. THANK YOU.Copy !req
197. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHNCopy !req
198. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHN
MELLANY AND TJ MILLER.Copy !req
199. MELLANY AND TJ MILLER.Copy !req
200. WELCOME BACK TOCopy !req
201. THEESS OFFENSETHECopy !req
202. "JESELNIK OFFENSIVE."Copy !req
203. I WONDERED WHAT I WOULD DO IF ICopy !req
204. WAS A MORBIDLY OBESE WOMAN.Copy !req
205. HOW WOULD I HANDLE IT?Copy !req
206. I HANDLE IT THE SAME WAY I HANDCopy !req
207. AM EVERYTHING ELSE WITH PINACHE.Copy !req
208. LOOK AT IT.Copy !req
209. LUCKY YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND.Copy !req
210. WHAT'S IT LIKE?Copy !req
211. STUPID BITCHES.Copy !req
212. BITCH.Copy !req
213. AND NOW TODAY'S THE FIRST PANELCopy !req
214. OF THE REST OF YOUR PANEL.Copy !req
215. IT'S TIME FOR PANEL.Copy !req
216. PLEASE WELCOME THE FORMER WRITERCopy !req
217. FOR SNL.Copy !req
218. YOU KNOW HIM FROM HIS COMEDYCopy !req
219. CENTRAL SPECIAL, NEW IN TOWN.Copy !req
220. IT'S SEAN MELLANY AND THE STARCopy !req
221. OF YOGI BEAR 3-D, REVIALEDCopy !req
222. COMEDIAN AND CLOSE PERSONALCopy !req
223. FRIEND OF MINE, IT'S TV MILLER.Copy !req
224. — TJ MILLER.Copy !req
225. I NEED TO YOU DIALCopy !req
226. IT BACK.Copy !req
227. NOW, JOHN, I HEARD WHEN YOU WERECopy !req
228. A BOY YOU CAUGHT A FISH AND ACopy !req
229. NEIGHBOR CAME OVER WITH AN ORRCopy !req
230. AND BEAT THE FISH UNTIL IT WASCopy !req
231. ALMOST DEAD AND HANDED YOU THECopy !req
232. ORR AND TOLD YOU TO FINISH ITCopy !req
233. OFF AND YOU HAD TO KILL IT INCopy !req
234. FRONT OF THE BOY.Copy !req
235. YEAH, THAT HAPPENED.Copy !req
236. NOW, TJ, YOU USEDCopy !req
237. TO LIVE IN NEW ZEALAND.Copy !req
238. DID YOU FIND THE KI KIWI'SCopy !req
239. ANNOYING.Copy !req
240. I FOUND THEM FAIR.Copy !req
241. HOW MANY CLUBS ARECopy !req
242. YOU BANNED FROM FOR LIFE?Copy !req
243. I'D SAY ONE.Copy !req
244. THAT'S WHAT ICopy !req
245. THOUGHT.Copy !req
246. YOUR HAIR LOOKS UNBELIEVABLE.Copy !req
247. I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE NOTCopy !req
248. ALREADY TALKING ABOUT IT.Copy !req
249. IT'S LIKE YOUR FOREHEAD SON FIRECopy !req
250. WITH A SANDY BLOND MESS.Copy !req
251. IT'S AN INFERNO.Copy !req
252. IT IS ANARIAN INFERNO.Copy !req
253. TJ, THIS SHOW'S NOTCopy !req
254. JUST ABOUT STATING THE OBVIOUS.Copy !req
255. NOW LET'S GET BACK INTO IT WITHCopy !req
256. THE BEST-WORSE THINK OF THECopy !req
257. WEEK.Copy !req
258. THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE.Copy !req
259. JAMES HOLMES REPORTEDLYCopy !req
260. CONVERTED TO ISLAM IN PRISON ANDCopy !req
261. IS PRAYING UP TO FIVE TIMES ACopy !req
262. DAY.Copy !req
263. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME,Copy !req
264. SCIENTOLOGY.Copy !req
265. THIS IS THE LAST STEP INCopy !req
266. BEING THE WORSE MOST HATEDCopy !req
267. PERSON IN AMERICA.Copy !req
268. HE'S NOW OFFICIALLY THECopy !req
269. HARDEST PERSON TO PLAY TWOCopy !req
270. TRUTHS AND A LIE WITH I THINK.Copy !req
271. HE'S LIKE I'M A MASS MURDERER,Copy !req
272. I'M A DEVOUT MUSLIM AND ONECopy !req
273. SUMMER I WORKED AT A COLDSTONECopy !req
274. CREAMY.Copy !req
275. HARD TO KNOW.Copy !req
276. THAT SUCKS YOU HAVE TO PRAYCopy !req
277. FIVE TIMES A DAY.Copy !req
278. THAT'S NO GOOD.Copy !req
279. SOME PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY HASCopy !req
280. TO DESIGN A ONCE-DAILY ISLAMCopy !req
281. PRAYER CAUSE YOU CAN'T SPENDCopy !req
282. YOUR WHOLE DAY PRAYING AND ACopy !req
283. HOPE I DON'T GET KILLED FOR THATCopy !req
284. JOKE.Copy !req
285. EVERY TIME HE GOES DOWN TOCopy !req
286. PRAY THEY'RE GOING RAPE HIM TOCopy !req
287. SHREDS.Copy !req
288. THEY'RE PRAYING HIS ASS WON'T BECopy !req
289. TOTALLY SHREDDED FROM THE RAPECopy !req
290. SHREDDING THAT WILL HAPPEN.Copy !req
291. I HEARD THAT JAMESCopy !req
292. HOLMES PRAISE FIVE TIMES A DAYCopy !req
293. SOMEONE ONE TELL HIM THE END OFCopy !req
294. THE DARK KNIGHT RISING.Copy !req
295. WHAT ELSE DOES HE NOW HAVE?Copy !req
296. A GREAT COLLEGE ESSAY.Copy !req
297. NOW HE HAS THE BEARD, EASIERCopy !req
298. TO GRAB ONTO HIM WHEN YOU'RECopy !req
299. RAPING HIM TO SHREDS.Copy !req
300. UP NEXT IS THECopy !req
301. WORSE-WORSE THING OF THE WEEK ACopy !req
302. TERRIBLE STORY LIKE THE LAST ONECopy !req
303. BUT WORSE.Copy !req
304. GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, CONGRESSCopy !req
305. KILLS PEOPLE.Copy !req
306. A SENATE BILL HAS BEEN DROPPEDCopy !req
307. BECAUSE THERE'S NOT ENOUGH INCopy !req
308. CONGRESS TO TAKE A VOTE.Copy !req
309. WE WERE TALKING ABOUT IT.Copy !req
310. WE SAID IT WAS BANANAS.Copy !req
311. YOU BOTH AGREE IT'SCopy !req
312. BANANAS.Copy !req
313. AT THE SAME MOMENT.Copy !req
314. I SAID BANANAS AND I SAIDCopy !req
315. BANANAS.Copy !req
316. I WASN'T SURE IF HE WAS TALKINGCopy !req
317. ABOUT ITALIAN GRANDMOTHERS BUTCopy !req
318. WE AGREED.Copy !req
319. I DON'T WANT MY KIDS TO GROWCopy !req
320. UP IN A WORLD WHERE ASSAULTCopy !req
321. WEAPONS ARE LEGAL AND THANKS TOCopy !req
322. CONGRESS THEY PROBABLY WON'TCopy !req
323. GROW UP IN THAT WORLD.Copy !req
324. YOU CAN TAKE IT OUT WHEN YOUCopy !req
325. PRY IT OUT OF ANY COLD DEADCopy !req
326. SIX-YEAR-OLD'S HANDS.Copy !req
327. DO IT THE OLD FASHIONED WAY.Copy !req
328. WOLVERINE CLAUSE.Copy !req
329. OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
330. OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
331. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKINGCopy !req
332. ABOUT.Copy !req
333. WE'LL DO IT WITH WOLVERINECopy !req
334. CLAWS.Copy !req
335. I DIDN'T KNOW WE COULD BRINGCopy !req
336. PROPS.Copy !req
337. HOW'D YOU GET THATCopy !req
338. IN HERE?Copy !req
339. I DON'T KNOW.Copy !req
340. MAYBE THE SECURITY GUARD GOTCopy !req
341. RAPED TO SHREDS.Copy !req
342. ALL RIGHT, GUYS.Copy !req
343. PUT YOUR GAME FACES ON.Copy !req
344. PLAY GUNSHOT WOUND OR ITALIANCopy !req
345. FOOD.Copy !req
346. I'M GOING DO SHOW YOU A PICTURECopy !req
347. AND YOU TELL ME IF IT'S ACopy !req
348. GUNSHOT WOUND OR ITALIAN FOOD.Copy !req
349. LOOK AT THE PICTURE.Copy !req
350. COULD BE GUNSHOT WOUND OR PIZZA.Copy !req
351. I LOOKED AT MY LOWER LIP THISCopy !req
352. MORNING AND SAW THIS VERY THINGCopy !req
353. I THINK IT'S AN ITALIAN GUNSHOTCopy !req
354. WOUND.Copy !req
355. MAMA MIA, IT'S ACopy !req
356. PIZZA.Copy !req
357. ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
358. ALL RIGHT, JOHN MELLANY.Copy !req
359. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS PICTURE.Copy !req
360. COULD IT BE A GUNSHOT WOUND,Copy !req
361. COULD BE A NICE VEAL CUTLET.Copy !req
362. WHAT DO YOU THINK, JOHN?Copy !req
363. I LIKE THIS WHITE THINGCopy !req
364. CREEPING IN THERE.Copy !req
365. CAN WE PUT PARMESAN CHEESE TONCopy !req
366. AND THEN DECIDECopy !req
367. I THINK IT'S A GUNSHOT WOUND ONCopy !req
368. CHEF BOYARDEE.Copy !req
369. WHEN YOU'RE HERECopy !req
370. YOUR FAMILY.Copy !req
371. IT'S A GUNSHOT WOUND.Copy !req
372. ON WHAT?Copy !req
373. ON A BLACK PERSON.Copy !req
374. ON THE BIGGEST BLACK VAGINACopy !req
375. YOU'VE EVER SEEN.Copy !req
376. OKAY.Copy !req
377. THIS IS THE LAST ONE.Copy !req
378. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS PICTURE.Copy !req
379. COULD BE A GUNSHOT WOUND,Copy !req
380. PROBABLY MUSHROOM RISOTTO.Copy !req
381. IS AN ALIEN A THIRD CHOICE?Copy !req
382. IS NOT.Copy !req
383. I GO RISOTTO.Copy !req
384. IT'S A GUNSHOTCopy !req
385. WOUND.Copy !req
386. WITH BONUS MAGGOTS.Copy !req
387. IT'S ALL PROTEIN.Copy !req
388. WHAT DO WE WANT?Copy !req
389. MORE PANEL.Copy !req
390. WHEN DO WE WANT IT?Copy !req
391. PANEL.Copy !req
392. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORECopy !req
393. PANEL.Copy !req
394. WELCOME BACK.Copy !req
395. WE'VE GOT PANEL.Copy !req
396. YES, WE DO.Copy !req
397. WE'VE GOT PANEL, HOW ABOUTCopy !req
398. PANEL?Copy !req
399. IT'S MORE PANEL.Copy !req
400. IT'S TIME FOR DATING BLOOPERS.Copy !req
401. WE LOOK AT THE LIGHTER SIDE OFCopy !req
402. DATING SHENANIGANS.Copy !req
403. ENTER, STAGE RAPE.Copy !req
404. A MAN IN ARKANSAS STAGED A RAPECopy !req
405. WITH A FRIEND TO PRETEND TO BE ACopy !req
406. HERO AND SAVE HIS FEMALE DATE.Copy !req
407. SPOILER ALERT.Copy !req
408. HE DID NOT GET THE SECOND DATE.Copy !req
409. WHY DID THE THING THAT MADECopy !req
410. ME LAUGH HARDEST WAS ARKANSAS.Copy !req
411. IT SET ME OFF.Copy !req
412. ALL THE PEOPLE IN ARKANSASCopy !req
413. ARE LIKE, ONLY IN ARKANSAS.Copy !req
414. I WANT TO HEAR THAT CONVERSATIONCopy !req
415. WITH HIS BUDDY WHERE HE'S LIKE,Copy !req
416. LISTEN, I HAVE A FAVORCopy !req
417. I WANT TO START THISCopy !req
418. CONVERSATION OUT BY SAYINGCopy !req
419. YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY GONNA RAPECopy !req
420. ANYONE.Copy !req
421. IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.Copy !req
422. YOU WANT TO SCORE WITH A CHECK ACopy !req
423. GOOD WAY TO DO IS TO MAKE HERCopy !req
424. ALL FREAKED OUT LIKE SHE'S GONNACopy !req
425. GET RAPED AND THEN THE PANTIESCopy !req
426. JUST DROP.Copy !req
427. LIKE SHE'LL BE ALL, OH, GODCopy !req
428. THAT WAS TERRIBLE.Copy !req
429. CAN WE GO BACK TO YOUR PLACE FORCopy !req
430. WHITE WINE.Copy !req
431. WHAT IF HE COULDN'T DEFENDCopy !req
432. AGAINST HIS FRIEND AND HECopy !req
433. KNOCKED HIM OUT AND IT'S JUSTCopy !req
434. HIM AND THE GIRL.Copy !req
435. GOING, HEY, I'M NOT ACTUALLYCopy !req
436. GONNA RAPE YOU.Copy !req
437. CARL'S TOLD ME A LOT ABOUTCopy !req
438. YOU.Copy !req
439. ARE YOU A NURSE OR SOMETHING?Copy !req
440. HE STARTS A NEW DATE.Copy !req
441. THEY START A NEW DATE.Copy !req
442. THAT'S SWEET.Copy !req
443. CHAMPAGNE'S ALREADY CHILLED.Copy !req
444. YEAH.Copy !req
445. THAT'S A MAJOR FAVOR STAGING ACopy !req
446. FAKE RAPE.Copy !req
447. THAT'S BEHIND PICK ME UP AT THECopy !req
448. AIRPORT I THINK.Copy !req
449. I WOULD SAY YOU KNOW YOURCopy !req
450. BEST FRIEND FROM JUST YOURCopy !req
451. FRIENDS BY WHEN THEY STAGE THECopy !req
452. RAPE OR STAGE A RAPE SHREDDING.Copy !req
453. CALL BACK.Copy !req
454. I LIKE THAT.Copy !req
455. I LIKE THE CALL BACK.Copy !req
456. THAT'S SOLID.Copy !req
457. DON'T DO IT.Copy !req
458. DON'T BRING OUT THE CLAWS.Copy !req
459. WHO LIKES A GAY WOLVERINE?Copy !req
460. OH, STOP.Copy !req
461. REMEMBER WHEN I DID THAT,Copy !req
462. ANTHONY ON THE SHOW?Copy !req
463. YEAH.Copy !req
464. HOW ABOUT TJ, LET'S SAY IT WASCopy !req
465. YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU TOOK HER OUTCopy !req
466. ON A DATE AND PLANNED THE FAKECopy !req
467. RAPE AND FOUND OUT AND DOESN'TCopy !req
468. WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.Copy !req
469. YOU HAVE TO CONVINCE HER TO GOCopy !req
470. ON A SECOND DATE WITH YOU?Copy !req
471. I THINK I WOULD LOOK AT THECopy !req
472. GIRL AND SAY THERE'S NEVER ACopy !req
473. SECOND CHANCE AT A FIRSTCopy !req
474. IMPRESSION BUT WATCH OUT BEHINDCopy !req
475. YOU, ANTHONY JESELNIK'S GONNACopy !req
476. RAPECopy !req
477. YOUCopy !req
478. THAT'S GOOD.Copy !req
479. MELLANY, CONVINCE THIS LADY SHECopy !req
480. HAS TO GO ON A SECOND RAPE.Copy !req
481. I FAKED THE RAPE TO WIN HERCopy !req
482. HEART ON THE FIRST DATE.Copy !req
483. THIS IS NOW THE SECOND DATE.Copy !req
484. YOU'RE LIKE FORGETCopy !req
485. IT, GO ON A SECOND DATE WITH HECopy !req
486. ME.Copy !req
487. LOOK, WORK'S JUST BEEN CRAZYCopy !req
488. LATELY.Copy !req
489. I KNOW HOW IT IS.Copy !req
490. I KNOW HOW IT IS.Copy !req
491. AND NOW IT'S TIME TO CUT THECopy !req
492. UMBILICAL CORD AND FLUSH THECopy !req
493. TOILET.Copy !req
494. IT'S DEFENDING YOUR TWEET.Copy !req
495. YOU TWEET IT AND I'M GOING READCopy !req
496. IT AND ASK YOU TO DEFEND IT INCopy !req
497. FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE.Copy !req
498. JOHN, AUGUST 28 YOU SWEETED "ACopy !req
499. FUNNY HOLLYWOOD THING WOULD BECopy !req
500. TO SAY A-CARPE THE DI EM."Copy !req
501. SOLID TWEET.Copy !req
502. IT COMBINES THINGS THAT PEOPLECopy !req
503. ON TWITTER LOVE LIKE LATIN ANDCopy !req
504. DATED AND HOLLYWOOD REFERENCES.Copy !req
505. IT'S PERFECT FOR YOUR AUDIENCE.Copy !req
506. PERFECT, YEAH.Copy !req
507. I THINK I HAD THEM ATCopy !req
508. BERRANSKI AND I DON'T HAVE TO DOCopy !req
509. MORE WORK BECAUSE I PUT THE WORDCopy !req
510. ETCETERA AT THE END.Copy !req
511. THE OLD COMEDYCopy !req
512. TRICK.Copy !req
513. THAT'S RIGHT.Copy !req
514. THAT'S A GREAT DEFENSE.Copy !req
515. I THINK YOU HAD THEM ATCopy !req
516. BORANSKI AND LOST THEM ATCopy !req
517. ETCETERA AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE THECopy !req
518. WORD RAPE IN IT.Copy !req
519. HE GOT IN ANOTHER ONE.Copy !req
520. I NEVER THOUGHT I'DCopy !req
521. HAVE TO TELL ANOTHER COMEDIAN,Copy !req
522. CHILL WITH THE RAPE STUFF.Copy !req
523. TJ, ON MARCH 21 YOU TWEETEDCopy !req
524. THIS, "OOH BOY THAT WAS A DOOZY.Copy !req
525. YOU'RE GOING TO YOURCopy !req
526. PANTS.Copy !req
527. WHY DID I CAPITALIZE SO MANYCopy !req
528. WORDS?Copy !req
529. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE WHICH ONESCopy !req
530. I CHOSE."Copy !req
531. TJ, DEFEND YOUR TWEET.Copy !req
532. FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T THINKCopy !req
533. THAT YOU SHOULD TRY AND ASSUMECopy !req
534. THAT THAT WORD WAS SUPPOSED TOCopy !req
535. BE.Copy !req
536. IT'S ACTUALLY THAT WAS A DOOZY.Copy !req
537. YOU'RE GOING TO SPIT YOUR PANTSCopy !req
538. WHY DID I DO THIS SHOW.Copy !req
539. BECAUSE YOU HAVECopy !req
540. NOTHING ELSE.Copy !req
541. YOU HAVE BURNED EVERY BRIDGE YOUCopy !req
542. HAVE.Copy !req
543. BUT THANK YOU BOTH FOR BEINGCopy !req
544. HERE TONIGHT.Copy !req
545. JOHN MELLANY LIVE AND WATCH TJCopy !req
546. ON YOUTUBE.Copy !req
547. GOOGLE IT.Copy !req
548. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORECopy !req
549. SHOW.Copy !req
550. THANKS AGAIN TOCopy !req
551. MELLANY AND TJ MILLER AND GETCopy !req
552. TICKETS AT ANTHONYJESELNIK.COMCopy !req
553. AND WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK BUTCopy !req
554. BEFORE I GO LET'S TAKE A LOOKCopy !req
555. BACK AT THE BEST MOMENTS FROMCopy !req
556. TONIGHT'S SHOW.Copy !req
557. DARLENE, KNOCK-KNOCK.Copy !req
558. WHO'S THERE?Copy !req
559. A BLACK FELLOW.Copy !req
560. CALL THE POLICE.Copy !req
561. HEY, TJ DOES THAT HURT?Copy !req
562. NOT REALLY.Copy !req
563. TOLD YA.Copy !req
564. TOLD YA.Copy !req
565. MEMORIES.Copy !req
566. GOOD NIGHT KIDS.Copy !req
567. GOOD NIGHT KIDS.
GO READ A BOOK.Copy !req
568. GO READ A BOOK.Copy !req
569. WHAT IS THE PERFECTCopy !req
570. SIZE FOR A WOMAN?Copy !req
571. THERE IS NO PERFECT SIZE FORCopy !req
572. A WOMAN OTHER THAN WHAT HERCopy !req
573. BODY'S SUPPOSED TO DO.Copy !req
574. SEEMS LIKECopy !req
575. EVERYBODY SHOULD FIT INTO THATCopy !req
576. BOX.Copy !req
577. WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT SUPERCopy !req
578. SKINNY WOMEN YOUCopy !req