The Jeselnik Offensive 1x6

1. THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO THE

2. "ANTHONY JESELNIK OFFENSIVE."

3. I'M ANTHONY JESELNIK.

4. HOW YOU KIDS DOING TONIGHT?

5. FANTASTIC.

6. WE HAVE GOT ANOTHER PERFECT SHOW

7. FOR YOU TONIGHT.

8. JEFF ROSS AND JONA RAY ARE HERE.

9. THAT'S RIGHT, JONA RAY.

10. BUT FIRST, A LOT OF HORRIBLE

11. THINGS HAPPENED THIS WEEK, ALL

12. OF THEM HILARIOUS.

13. FILL HER UP.

14. IN ISRAEL PRESIDENT OBAMA'S LIMO

15. BROKE DOWN WHEN SOMEONE FILLED

16. IT WITH UNLEADED FUEL INSTEAD OF

17. DIESEL.

18. IF WE ALL DROVE ELECTRIC CARS

19. THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN, BECAUSE

20. THE PRESIDENT WOULD NEVER STEP

21. FOOT IN THE MIDDLE EAST AGAIN.

22. HOW ROMANTIC, TWO TEENAGERS

23. IN OHIO WERE SENTENCED TO JUST

24. THREE YEARS AFTER BEING FOUND

25. GUILTY OF RAPING A GIRL, WHILE

26. SHE WAS PASSED OUT DRUNK.

27. THEY ACTUALLY COULD HAVE GOTTEN

28. SIX YEARS BUT THEY WEREN'T

29. PIRATING MUSIC.

30. THAT'S TWO JOKES BACK TO BACK

31. WITH A MESSAGE.

32. NOT GOING TO SEE THAT ANYWHERE

33. ELSE.

34. LITTLE WAYNE, HAS BEEN RELEASED

35. FROM THE HOSPITAL A WEEK AFTER

36. BEING TREATED FOR A SUSPECTED

37. CODEINE OVERDOSE.

38. HE SAYS HE PLANS TO ONE DAY

39. WRITE ABOUT A THE EXPERIENCE,

40. EITHER HERE OR HERE.

41. YEAH.

42. HERE IS SOME MORE FACE TATTOO

43. NEWS.

44. FROM MY DEMOGRAPHIC, A MAN KNOWN

45. AS THE HUMAN BILLBOARD, IS NOW

46. HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT

47. ALLOWING COMPANIES TO TATTOO

48. THEIR NAMES ON HIS FACE.

49. HE IS ALSO HOPING THAT ONE DAY

50. HE WILL HAVE A THIRD THOUGHT.

51. BEAN TOWN, A POLITICIAN IN

52. BOSTON HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF

53. SCHEMING AT A SPECIAL NEEDS

54. CHILD.

55. ALTHOUGH IN HIS DEFENSE, HE JUST

56. WANTED TO KNOW HOW THE BOY LIKES

57. THEM APPLES.

58. HUTTED, HUT, AND A MOVE TO

59. REDUCE CONCUSSIONS NFL WILL NO

60. LONGER ALLOW BALL CARRIERS TO

61. LOWER THEIR HELMET TO HIT A

62. DEFENDER.

63. AND RESPONSE THE LEAGUE SAID

64. YEAH, THAT'S WHY WE MADE THE

65. RULE.

66. NOW, LET'S GET INTO THIS ONE, IN

67. A RECENT INTERVIEW, KATIE HOLMES

68. SAYS SHE MAY ONE DAY BECOME AN

69. ATTORNEY.

70. PROVING THAT DESPITE ALL THE

71. ADVERSITY SHE HAS FACED IN LIFE,

72. KATIE HOLMES DOESN'T KNOW THE

73. MEANING OF THE WORD ATTORNEY.

74. WE HAVE A BAD 4:00 CITIZENS OF

75. SAUDI ARABIA, THE PEOPLE WHO

76. BROUGHT US 9/11, WILL BE GRANTED

77. TRUSTED TRAVELER STATUS BY

78. HOMELAND SECURITY.

79. YEAH, NOW THEY WILL BE ABLE TO

80. BREEZE RIGHT THROUGH SECURITY

81. LIKE PIE LOTS EVEN IF THEY

82. HAVEN'T FINISHED FLIGHT SCHOOL

83. YET.

84. AND FINALLY, THIS JUST TICKLES

85. ME, KEVIN CLASH, THE GUY WHO

86. USED TOCK THE VOICE OF ELMO HAS

87. BEEN ACCUSED OF GIVING A

88. TEENAGER BOY METH AND HAVING SEX

89. WITH HIM.

90. UH-HUH.

91. DEFYING ALL ODDS, HE WILL STEP

92. BE REFERRED TO AS THAT GUY WHO

93. USED TO BE THE VOICE OF ELMO.

94. THAT WAS A GREAT MONOLOGUE.

95. NOW, KIDS, I HAVE A LOT OF FUN

96. ON THE "ANTHONY JESELNIK

97. OFFENSIVE."

98. MAKING FUN OF TRAGEDIES AND DEAD

99. PEOPLE.

100. AND THAT'S WHY IT'S BECOME THE

101. MOST POPULAR SHOW THIS

102. TELEVISION HISTORY.

103. BUT I ALSO HAVE A SOFTER SIDE

104. THAT LIKES TO HELP PEOPLE.

105. S THAT SOMETHING YOU WOULD BE

106. INTERESTED IN SEEING.

107. YEAH.

108. OF COURSE IT IS.

109. ISN'T IT.

110. YEAH.

111. WELL, THEN YOU WILL LOVE MY

112. NEW SYNDICATED DAYTIME TALK

113. SHOW, ANTHONY.

114. TAKE A PEEK.

115. THIS WEEK ON ANTHONY.

116. SO, YOUR RACIST, YOU KILLED YOUR

117. CLASSMATE, AND NOW YOU ARE GOING

118. TO JAIL.

119. BUT GUESS WHAT, WE'RE GIVING YOU

120. A MAKEOVER!

121. SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WHITE

122. POWER GETS FIERCE.

123. AND THE AUTOPSY RESULTS — GOOD

124. NEWS, IT WASN'T AUTO EROTIC

125. ASPHYXIATION, YOUR SON JUST HUNG

126. HIMSELF.

127. HE WAS PROBABLY JUST DEPRESSED,

128. CONGRATULATIONS.

129. CONGRATULATIONS.

130. FRANKLIN, YOU ARE — NOT THE

131. RAPIST.

132. YES!

133. OKAY, MEGAN, YOU SAID YOUR

134. DAD IS A SOLDIER FIGHTING

135. OVERSEAS AND YOU HAVEN'T SEEN

136. HIM IN EIGHT MONTHS.

137. WE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

138. ARE YOU READY?

139. IS.

140. YES.

141. SURPRISE.

142. WOW THAT LOOKED LIKE THE

143. SECOND BEST SHOW ON TELEVISION.

144. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JEFF

145. ROSS AND NA RAY.

146. WELCOME BACK TO THE "ANTHONY

147. JESELNIK OFFENSIVE."

148. KIDS CASEY ANTHONY IS SUPPOSEDLY

149. HAVING ANOTHER BABY.

150. I DON'T KNOW WHY.

151. SEEMED LIKE SHE NAILED IT THE

152. FIRST TIME.

153. SHE IS BEING COY ABOUT THE

154. FATHER, BUT SOURCES SAY HE IS

155. RICH, SO WE HAVE NARROWED IT

156. DOWN TO A COUPLE POCKETS.

157. LET'S SEE WHAT THE NEXT BABY MAY

158. LOOK LIKE WITH OUR "ANTHONY

159. JESELNIK OFFENSIVE" CASEY

160. ANTHONY BABY PICTURE PREDICATOR.

161. IT IS GOING TO BE GREAT, UNLESS

162. YOU HATE FUN, OR LIKE CHILDREN.

163. SO RUMOR IS THE FATHER OF CASEY

164. ANTHONY'S NEW BABY IS RICH,

165. WHICH MEANS IT MUST BE BONO.

166. LET'S PRETICKET WHAT THEIR BABY

167. MIGHT LOOK LIKE.

168. SHAKE RATTLE AND HUM.

169. THAT'S A HANDSOME BABY.

170. I'M GOING TO NEED SOME WALLET

171. SIZED PHOTOS.

172. BUT MAYBE THE FATHER'S NOT BONO,

173. HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED THAT?

174. WELL, WE LOOKED INTO IT, AND IF

175. IT'S NOT BONO, THAT CAN ONLY

176. MEAN ONE THING.

177. BILL GATES IS THE FATHER OF

178. CASEY ANTHONY'S BABY.

179. CAN YOU PICTURE BILLS EYES AND

180. MOUTH WITH CASEY'S NOSE.

181. LET'S PREDICT WHAT THEIR BABY

182. WOULD LOOK LIKE THAT.

183. THAT'S ADORABLE.

184. NOW, I DON'T NEED A POWER POI

185. PRESENTATION TO GIVE YOU THE

186. WORD ON THIS BAY BAY'S OUTLOOK U

187. IT EXCELLED.

188. LET'S JUST PLAY IT SAFE HERE,

189. KIDS, BECAUSE WE ARE ONLY 99%

190. SURE IT IS EITHER BONO OR BILL

191. GATES.

192. BUT IF IT ISN'T ONE OF THOSE, NO

193. ONE WILL LOOK STUPID.

194. SO LET'S CONSIDER THE ONLY OTHER

195. POSSIBILITY.

196. IT'S GOT TO BE TONY SHALOOP.

197. HE GOT MONEY OUT THE WAYZOO.

198. MONK WAS ON FOREVER.

199. WAY TOO LONG.

200. SO LET'S CONJECTURE WHICH HIS

201. RICH OLIVE FEATURES AND CURLY

202. BLACK HAIR WOULD LOOK LIKE WHEN

203. YOU COMBINE IT WITH HER

204. ALL-AMERICAN FACE SWAGGER.

205. GLORY BE.

206. TWINS.

207. SO CUTE, I JUST WANT TO SQUEEZE

208. THEM.

209. AND THAT WAS THE "ANTHONY

210. JESELNIK OFFENSIVE" CASEY

211. ANTHONY BABY PREDICATOR.

212. IF YOU CAN FIND A BETTER

213. PREDICATOR OUT THERE, THEN I

214. WILL LOSE MY GOD DAMN MIND.

215. AND NOW, I SAY PEN, YOU SAY I.

216. PEN?

217. SPLIT'S TIME FOR PANEL.

218. HE CAN BE SOON ON THE NERDIST,

219. AS WELL AS HIS OWN HALF HOUR

220. SPECIAL ON COMEDY CENTRAL.

221. SAY HEY, IT'S JONA RAY.

222. AND YOU KNOW HIM, FROM THE

223. BURN, AND THE ROAD SUNG

224. COMMENTKY CENTRAL, IT IS THE

225. ROAST MAST ERR GENERAL HIMSELF,

226. MY PAL, JEFF ROSS.

227. NOW, JONA, SOMEONE WAS

228. TELLING ME THAT BEFORE I HAD MY

229. OWN T.V. SHOW, WE USED TO BE

230. FRIENDS IS THAT TRUE.

231. YEAH, WE USED TO BE REALLY

232. GOOD FRIENDS, WE EVEN HAD A

233. COMEDY DUO TOGETHER.

234. YEAH, COPS BROUGHT PIZZAS.

235. YOU THOUGHT OF IT.

236. I KNOW THAT'S WHY IT WAS SO

237. GREAT.

238. NOW, JEFF, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO

239. THESE DAYS ABOUT 250?

240. 265?

241. WHAT'S GOING ON.

242. I FEEL LIKE I HAVEN'T SEEN

243. YOU SINCE CHRISTOPHER DORNER

244. NAMED YOU IN HIS MANIFESTU

245. BEFORE HE KILLED ALL THOSE

246. PEOPLE.

247. YEAH, THAT WAS THE WORST

248. SHOUT OUT EVER.

249. HE KILLED ALL THOSE PEOPLE AND

250. THEN HE SAID THAT I WAS A

251. GENIUS.

252. SO PROVES THAT THERE IS SOME

253. GOOD IN ALL OF US.

254. LET'S GET RIGHT INTO WIT THE

255. BEST WORST THING OF THE WEEK.

256. OF ALL THE AWFUL NEWS STORIES

257. THIS IS MY FAVORITE.

258. IT IS THE "ANTHONY JESELNIK

259. OFFENSIVE" TWO FOR TUESDAY.

260. GOT TO DOUBLE DIP ON THIS CASEY

261. ANTHONY THING, IT IS JUST TOO

262. RICH TO KEEP IT ALL TO MYSELF.

263. SOURCES ARE REPORTING THAT CASEY

264. ANTHONY IS PREGNANT AGAIN, AND

265. READY TO COMMIT TO MOTHERHOOD IN

266. THE FIRST DEGREE.

267. GUYS HAVE YOU HAD A CHANCE TO

268. CHLOROFORM AN OPINION ON THIS.

269. I LOVE A SEQUEL.

270. SHE HAS ALREADY PROMISED TO

271. CIRCUMCISE THE BABY FROM THE

272. NECK DOWN.

273. THE BABY IS DUE IN EIGHT

274. MONTHS BUT THE LAWYER PROMISES

275. TO HAVE IT OUT IN FOUR.

276. DO YOU THINK SHE WILL HAVE A

277. WATER BIRTH JUST TO SPEED UP THE

278. PROCESS.

279. I WOULD HOPE SO.

280. THE KIDS FIRST WORDS WILL BE

281. ITS LAST WORDS.

282. YOU KNOW I HEARD IF YOU WANT

283. DO GIVE HER A GIFT, SHE IS

284. REGISTERED AT CRATE AND BARREL,

285. THEY ARE BOTH THINGS YOU CAN

286. HIDE A BABY IN.

287. I HEARD NEVER 21 IS WHERE SHE

288. SHOPS.

289. I WAS GOING TO GET HER STUFF

290. AT TARGET, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT

291. THAT KID IS.

292. OH, MAN.

293. CASEY ANTHONY SWEARS SHE IS

294. GOING TO DO BET THEY ARE TIME,

295. AND BE A GOOD MOTHER, WHAT DO

296. YOU THINK SHE WILL DO

297. DIFFERENTLY?

298. I THINK SHE IS GOING TO RAISE

299. HER KID WELL, SEND IT OFF TO

300. COLLEGE, AND THEN MURDER HER.

301. THEY WANT TO BAN ASSAULT RIVALS

302. THEY SHOULD BAN THAT WOMAN'S

303. AM I RIGHT, PEOPLE.

304. JONA, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

305. WHAT DO YOU HAVE THAT BEATS

306. SHE IS —

307. WHAT A BAD PERSON.

308. UP NEXT, IS THE WORST WORST

309. THING OF THE WEEK, IT IS A

310. TERRIBLE STORY, JUST LIKE THE

311. LAST ONE, ONLY WORSE.

312. GET INTO PANIC POSE, LOU LU

313. LEMON THE LARGEST MANUFACTURER

314. OF YOGA PANTS HAS STOPPED

315. SHIPMENT OF ITS POPULAR PANTS

316. BECAUSE THE MOST RECENT BATCHES

317. WERE TOO SEE THROUGH.

318. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT

319. 24, I AM OUTRAGED.

320. NO YOGA PANTS JUST WHEN THEY

321. ARE TRYING TO TAKE AWAY OUR

322. GUNS.

323. WHERE DO WE LIVE IN ARE ASIA.

324. WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS

325. MAKE LULU LEMONADE.

326. WE NEED TO CHOKE THEM WITH

327. OLD LULU PANTS.

328. LET'S TRY TO CALM DOWN AND

329. DISCUSS THIS THING SERIOUSLY.

330. ALL RIGHT.

331. WHAT DO YOU THINK WOMEN ARE NOW

332. GOING TO WEAR WHEN THEY ARE

333. PRETENDS TO WORK OUT?

334. I DON'T KNOW.

335. I GUESS LITED HAVE TO GO BACK TO

336. JUICY.

337. YEAH, YOU HAVE A CLOSET FULL

338. OF THAT STUFF.

339. YEAH.

340. BACK IN STYLE.

341. THIS IS THE YEAR OF GINA RAY.

342. I TAKE OFF MY SHIRT, I DO

343. YOGA AND JUST LIKE LITTLE

344. TIGHTTY WHITEYS.

345. YOU DO.

346. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW WHAT

347. YOGA IS.

348. I THINK YOU ARE CONFUSING IT

349. WITH YOGURT.

350. OH.

351. I WAS THINKING OF FROZEN YOGURT,

352. RIGHT.

353. UP NEXT, IT'S IN YOUR FACE,

354. WHERE I SHOW GOD WHO IS BOSS.

355. JESUS, YOU'RE FIRED.

356. THAT WAS DONALD TRUMP.

357. A TEN PART BIBLE MINISERIES

358. PRODUCED BY MARK BURNETT IS

359. SETTING RATINGS RECORDS FINALLY,

360. SOMEONE THAT CAN COMBINED

361. AMERICA'S LOVE OF RELIGION WITH

362. THEIR HATRED OF READING.

363. MARK BURN NET PRODUCING THE

364. BIBLE MINISERIES.

365. HIS BEST WORK SINCE HE GOT C LOW

366. TO TURN AROUND IN A CHAIR.

367. OH.

368. THEY HAVE BETTER CHAIRS.

369. JEFF ROSS IS THE UNEXPECTED

370. PHYSICAL COMEDY.

371. NO ONE SAW THAT COMING.

372. I LOVE THIS ON THE HISTORY

373. CHANNEL, BECAUSE THERE'S NO

374. COMFORTABLE FANTASY CHANNEL.

375. THE WHOLE TIME I'M WATCHING IT I

376. AM GOING WHERE'S THE FLOOD I

377. HATE THESE PEOPLE.

378. THAT'S THE SAME THING YOU

379. SAID WHEN WE WERE WATCHING

380. TREMBLAY.

381. TWO SHAY.

382. I LIKE WHEN JESUS GOT VOTED

383. OFF THE HELPER COLONY.

384. THAT'S HOW IT WAS WEIRD HIS

385. LAST WORDS WERE I'M NOT HERE TO

386. MAKE FRIENDS.

387. THAT'S GOOD.

388. A GOOD IMPRESSION, I LIKE

389. THAT.

390. THE BIG CONTROVERSIAL NOW IS

391. PEOPLE ARE UPSET THAT THE GUY

392. WHO PLAYS THE DEVIL IS LIKE A

393. DEAD RINGER FOR BARACK OBAMA.

394. YEAH.

395. CHECK IT OUT.

396. SERIOUSLY, IT LOOKS LIKE BARACK

397. OBAMA IF BARACK OBAMA DIDN'T

398. STOP SMOKING.

399. OBAMA IS NOT SATAN, OKAY.

400. SATAN WAS ABLE TO MAKE A DEAL

401. WITH CONGRESS.

402. THANK YOU.

403. BLESS YOU ALL.

404. ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10, 1

405. BEING PANEL, AND TEN BEING MORE

406. PANEL THAT WAS PANEL RIFFIC.

407. WE BE BACK WITH MORE PANEL.

408. WELCOME BACK.

409. DO YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE A

410. PANEL IN THE WIND?

411. THEN WELCOME BACK TO THE PANEL.

412. IT'S MORE PANEL.

413. YEAH.

414. NOW IT IS TIME SO PLAY WHAT'S

415. THEIR PROBLEM.

416. I'LL SHOW YOU A PICTURE OF

417. SOMEONE FROM THE NEWS, AND YOU

418. TELL ME WHAT'S THEIR PROBLEM.

419. FIRST UP, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT

420. THIS REAL HERO.

421. OH.

422. GUYS WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM.

423. OH, JUST HAD TO EXTINGUISH

424. HIS OWN BODY HAIR FIRE?

425. HE JUST FOUND OUT HE KNOCKED

426. UP CASEY ANTHONY.

427. IS THIS FROM THAT CALENDAR

428. GAY HEROS OFMEN.

429. YEAH, IT IS FROM YOUR

430. CALENDAR.

431. YEAH.

432. AVAILABLE NOW AT JONA

433. RAY.COM.

434. ACTUALLY, THIS IS WHERE ALL

435. GOOD GUESSES HIS IS A REAL

436. PROBLEM.

437. HE IS A MALE STRIP WHO IS

438. ARRESTED FOR BEATING UP FEMALE

439. AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOSE HECKLED

440. HIM BECAUSE HE WAS TERRIBLE AT

441. STRIPPING.

442. ALTHOUGH IF YOU EVER

443. PERFORMED AT A BACCALAUREATE

444. PARTIES YOU KNOW THEY DESERVED

445. IT.

446. HE HAS MOVES LIKE JAGGER AND

447. FISTS LIKE CHRIS BROWN.

448. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU

449. CALL YOUR STRIPPER NAME CAN'T

450. BABY DICK, IT IS GOING TO

451. HAPPEN.

452. YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE THAT

453. MISTAKE.

454. DOESN'T MAKE HIM ANY LESS OF

455. A HERO.

456. NEXT UP, LET'S CHECK OUT THIS

457. SPRING CHICKEN.

458. WHAT'S HER PROBLEM.

459. SUPER GLUE ACCIDENT?

460. I THINK SHE JUST GOT HIT BY

461. THE GUY IN THE LAST PICTURE.

462. WHAT IS HER PROBLEM.

463. HERE IS HER PROBLEM, JEFF,

464. THIS BROAD BECAUSE JUST

465. CONVICTED OF SECOND DEGREE

466. MURDER, FOR SHOOTING HER

467. GRANDSON SIX TIMES WHEN HE TRIED

468. TO BORROW HER CAR.

469. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT ALWAYS

470. CONFUSING ME, WHY DO YOU DRIVE

471. IN THE PARKWAY BUT MURDER YOUR

472. GRANDSON IN THE DRIVE WAY?

473. DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

474. WELL, SHE WON'T HAVE THAT

475. MUCH TIME IN JAIL.

476. YOU THINK THE JUDGE WAS LIKE

477. PLEASE RISE AND 15 MINUTES LATER

478. SHE WAS ABLE TO STAND UP.

479. DO YOU BLEED GUILTY OR NOT

480. GUILTY, SHE IS LIKE I'M NOT

481. THIRSTY.

482. PLEASE, JEFF, SHOW A LITTLE

483. RESPECT, SHE DID KILL SOMEBODY.

484. MOVE ON, LET'S CHECK OUT THIS

485. BAD MAN.

486. WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM, HE CAN'T

487. REMEMBER WHETHER HE IS BIV OR

488. DEVO.

489. SHE WAS ARRESTED OF TRYING TO

490. STEAL SOMEBODY'S EYELASHES.

491. SO CLOSE, YET SO FAR AWAY.

492. THIS MAN IS ARRESTED OF BREADING

493. HIS WIFE TO DEATH, USING ONLY

494. THEIR VACUUM CLEANER, AND WOMEN

495. SAY MEN DON'T DO HOUSE WORK.

496. NOT TO PLAY DIRT DEVILS

497. ADVOCATE, BUT MAYBE YOU SEE THE

498. DIRT.

499. AND HERE IS OUR LAST TROUBLED

500. HERO.

501. WHAT'S THIS GUY'S PROBLEM.

502. ONCE THE FINISH SCREEN PLAY BUT

503. CAN'T FIND THE TIME?

504. HE SHOWED UP ON THE WRONG

505. WEEKEND.

506. NO, YOU GUYS ARE ALL WRONG.

507. HE DID A NAZI SALUTE AT A

508. SOCCER GAME.

509. WHAT THE?

510. I GUESSED IT?

511. OH.

512. I WIN.

513. I WIN, I GOT IT.

514. BANNED FOR LIFE.

515. FOR GIVING A NAZI SALUTE

516. AFTER SCORING BECAUSE A RACIALLY

517. PURE WORLD HAS HIS ULTIMATE

518. GOAL!

519. THAT'S NOT THE HEEL HITLER

520. THAT'S THE BERLIN SHAKE.

521. NAZIS GET A BAD WRAP, ANTHONY

522. IS A VERY VERY NICE GUY.

523. THAT'S TRUE, I'VE HAD IT UP TO

524. HERE WITH YOU.

525. AND THAT IS WHAT THEIR PROBLEMS

526. WAS.

527. NOW, IT'S TIME TO SHAKE SHAKE

528. SHAKE, SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE, SHAKE

529. SHAKE SHAKE YOUR BABY.

530. IT IS DEFENDING YOUR TWEETS.

531. YOU TWEETED AND IT WILL READ AND

532. IT ASK YOU TO DEFEND IT IN FRONT

533. OF ALL THESE PEOPLE.

534. JONA, YOU ARE UP FIRST.

535. ALL RIGHT.

536. ON MARCH 17TH YOU TWEETED I

537. JUST REALIZED THAT I HAVE THE

538. WEIGHT OF THEODORE, THE HEIGHT

539. AND EYE WEAR OF SIMON, AND THE

540. RADICAL BATTED SUIT OF ALVIN,

541. HASH TAG COMPLETE PACKAGE.

542. JONA, DEFEND YOUR TWEET.

543. YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T THINK

544. I HAVE TO DEFEND.

545. BECAUSE ASK ANY GIRL IN HERE,

546. THEY HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO

547. A CHIP MONK.

548. AND WHY DID YOU GET YOUR

549. TEETH FIXED?

550. ANTHONY?

551. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN

552. FRIENDS IN.

553. TOO LONG.

554. JEFF, ON JANUARY 31ST, YOU

555. TWEETED IT'S SO LONELY IN HERE,

556. RETWEET IF YOU ARE TAKING A DUMP

557. RIGHT NOW?

558. JEFF, DEFEND YOUR TWEET?

559. THAT MADE A BIG SPLASH.

560. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD LIKE

561. THAT.

562. YEAH, THAT WAS GREAT.

563. THAT WAS GREAT.

564. THANK YOU BOAT SO MUCH FOR BEING

565. HERE, ONE OF YOU MORE THAN THE

566. OTHER ONE.

567. CATCH JONA EVERY WEDNESDAY IN

568. L.A., AND SUBSCRIBE TO HIS POD

569. CAST ON I-TUNES AND CATCH LIVE

570. AT THE CASINO IN MARRIESVILLE

571. WASHINGTON, WE WILL BE RIGHT

572. BACK WITH MORE SHOW.

573. THANK YOU AGAIN TO JEFF ROSS

574. AND GINA RAY.

575. ALSO GET TICKETS TO MY NEW

576. SPRING TOUR, AND FOLLOW ME ON

577. TWITTER.

578. AND A SHOW BLOG AT

579. C.C..COM/JESELNIK.

580. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK, BUT BEFORE I

581. GO, LET'S TAKE A LOOK BACK AT

582. THE BEST MOMENT'S FROM TONIGHT'S

583. SHOW.

584. GREETINGS.

585. GREETINGS, FELLOW STARGAZERS,

586. VENUS LOOKS POSITIVELY GLORIOUS

587. IN THE NIGHTTIME SKY THIS

588. EVENING.

589. WHAT'S A TWINKLE WON'T YOU?

590. ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT

591. ANY OF THIS?

592. I'M GOOD.

593. OH, MEMORIES.

594. GOOD NIGHT KIDS, GO READ A BOOK.

595. ARNOLD, WE FOUND TWO WOMEN THAT

596. MEET ALL THE CRITERIA YOU

597. SELECTED FOR YOUR POTENTIAL

598. MATE, PLEASE BRING OUT YOUR

599. SISTERS!

600. OH.

601. GROSS.