The Jamie Foxx Show 1x7

1. So how you doin', Fancy?

2. Hey, J.

3. - Ahem. - Hmm.

4. So, uh, Braxton, what are your plans for tonight?

5. I am going out with a career woman.

6. As a matter of fact, as soon as I get off work

7. I'm going to pick her up.

8. Yeah, well, uh, when you get to her job

9. tell her to make mine with cheese.

10. I'll soon be cracking myself up.

11. Ha, ha, ha.

12. Anyways, Francesca, what are your plans?

13. Oh, I'll probably just hang out..

14. Probably go up to her room

15. let the music bump in the background

16. let the wind blow through the window.

17. All over her..

18. naked body.

19. You know what, Jamie? That sounds really good.

20. You know, lying around, no clothes on.

21. The only bad part is I don't wanna be alone.

22. Uh, you know what? You shouldn't, girl, princess.

23. Chocolate girl, come on around here. Mahogany.

24. You know, you're right, I need a man

25. with a, a little height on him.

26. Well-well, you know, wh-what are you talking about?

27. A strong jawline.

28. Mmm-mm. Like a pit bull.

29. Full broad shoulders.

30. Look out now.

31. The wing span!

32. Ahem, and, uh... a tight butt.

33. Look at that. Look-look how tight that is.

34. You see how tight that is?

35. Huh?

36. You see how tight that is, girl?

37. I could crack walnuts with that.

38. So, where you going?

39. Uh-ho, I'm gonna go find a man who has all that.

40. What'd you say?

41. What I..

42. I can't hear you.

43. Jamie, I can't hear you.

44. Excuse me. Can you turn that off, please?

45. Thanks.

46. What were you sayin'?

47. I'm just messin' with you.

48. - You're so silly. - Yeah, but I got you. Didn't I?

49. Junior King, I really don't know

50. how I put up with you.

51. Why, what did I do, Helen?

52. If you don't know, I'm certainly not gonna tell you.

53. - What? - Anyway.

54. Hey, uh, what you doin' tonight?

55. - You wanna chill or somethin'? - I don't know, man.

56. Maybe some dominos, you know?

57. Kicking back with my homies.

58. Uh, why you wanna hang out, man?

59. He's not available, Jamie.

60. Please don't go, man. Please don't go.

61. I made reservations for us tonight at a nice restaurant

62. so we could go out and celebrate.

63. Celebrate? Why? Are one of my horses comin'?

64. Yeah, and his name is Alimony in the Fifth.

65. I ain't got no money.

66. Come on, Junior. Don't you have a clue what today is?

67. Uh, let me think.

68. Oh, wow, yeah!

69. This is the date when the Rodney King's verdict came in.

70. And we all just weren't gettin' along.

71. No!

72. And if you don't remember quick

73. you're not gonna see you're next birthday.

74. Wait a minute, let me think.

75. 'I know it's not one of them'

76. Jewish holidays.

77. Yo, Aunt Helen

78. you look mad as rock.

79. Come on, now.

80. We've been married for 25 years

81. and that man always forgets our anniversary.

82. - Happy anniversary, Mrs. King. - Thanks a lot.

83. Happy anniversary, but don't blame him

84. it just probably slipped his mind.

85. You know, us men, we got

86. lot of things on our mind, you know?

87. And what? We women don't?

88. I mean, what y'all do, y'all primp in the mirror.

89. You put a little eyebrows on, your little fake eyelashes

90. your nails, your lips, the hair, the whole thing.

91. Then you wear your little pumps that..

92. That make your legs..

93. Make your legs look so good. Damn!

94. Why do you wanna wear them pumps to work anyway, girl?

95. You make me put a dent in this desk.

96. Don't you mean a small knick?

97. Anyways, I can't believe

98. Mr. King forgot your anniversary.

99. He seems so sweet.

100. Oh, well.

101. He can be.

102. I remember our first anniversary.

103. Oh, I could have danced all night.

104. It was like a dream.

105. Ooh, and I fell in love with Junior all over again.

106. What, I-I was listening?

107. Anyway..

108. if he doesn't remember this anniversary

109. there's gonna be a lot of slow singing

110. and flower bringing.

111. Oh, brother! Come on, aunty, just calm down.

112. Everything will be okay, just put a little more

113. pressure on him.

114. Like how, Jamie?

115. I don't know. Sit on him.

116. Le me sit on your..

117. I'll make you..

118. Hey, unc, what you doin'?

119. Hey there, Jamie, hey, man.

120. I'm putting security tags

121. on these hotel towels

122. sorta like LoJack.

123. Uh, for what?

124. So if anybody tries to steal one of these, I will know, Jack.

125. Yeah.

126. That's fun.

127. Hey, uh... you know what?

128. - What? - Have you seen Aunt Helen?

129. No, but then I wasn't looking for her.

130. You need to start looking for a gift

131. because I don't know if you forgot

132. but it's her anniversary.

133. The anniversary isn't

134. until the 15th, Jamie.

135. I just bought her a new diamond ring

136. it's right there in-in the jeweler's right now.

137. Well, that's great, unc

138. but today is the 15th.

139. No, Jamie.

140. - Oh, shucks, Jamie! - Yeah.

141. Today is the 15th, man. She's gonna kill me.

142. Now, listen.

143. You got her exactly

144. where you want her right now.

145. How do you figure that?

146. Well, look

147. if you keep her like this, she's mad, right?

148. - Yeah. - Because she thinks you forgot.

149. - Right. - Keep playing her like that.

150. Then at the right moment, when the mood is right.

151. Blam! You drop the ring on her.

152. Right, Jamie. Hey, I think that's a good idea.

153. Trust me, unc. Just keep playin' it dumb.

154. - Alright. - Now, look.

155. I'll go get the ring for you.

156. You ain't got to worry about nothing.

157. Thank you, man. Thank you, man.

158. Hey, you know what?

159. You're a lifesaver, man

160. and she's gonna be so happy.

161. It's gonna be on like

162. hot buttered popcorn, Jamie.

163. And I'm not talkin' about Jiffy.

164. Yeah, well, that's-that's still three minutes.

165. Man, did Uncle Junior remember your anniversary yet?

166. - No. - My goodness.

167. But that's okay. That's just the way Junior is.

168. Mm-hm.

169. You know, maybe I shouldn't

170. expect him to change.

171. Right, right, right.

172. Hey..

173. Yo, B, what would you do

174. if your man did you like that?

175. Ha, ha, ha.

176. I do not have a man, bro hammerhead.

177. Oh-oh, that's right, you guys are still dating.

178. You scared of a commitment?

179. That's-that's really good.

180. Remember, I owe you one.

181. Come on, Braxton.

182. Why don't you show me that

183. mirror in the ballroom

184. that needs fixing?

185. - Right. - Alright.

186. Oh, my..

187. Jamie, what are you laughing at?

188. I don't see anything funny

189. about your uncle forgetting

190. their anniversary.

191. Oh, no, no. You don't get it.

192. Uncle Junior didn't forget.

193. As a matter of fact, I just got

194. back from the jeweler

195. and you oughta check out this ring

196. that Uncle Junior got for aunty.

197. Look at that, look at that.

198. Oh, my God. That is gorgeous.

199. Isn't that nice?

200. Try it on.

201. No, I shouldn't be tryin' on..

202. Oh, come on, just try it on.

203. There you go.

204. Look at that.

205. Aw, that is beautiful.

206. See, now is that all it takes

207. uh, for you to get, uh, on a brother's team.

208. Jamie, I wouldn't say I was on your team.

209. But maybe for a diamond like this

210. I'll go to a couple of games.

211. - Let the games begin. - Aunt Helen is gonna love this.

212. - I know. - 'Yeah, I gonna love what?'

213. - Uh.. - Uh, hi.

214. - Hey, how you doin'? - I'm good.

215. Just loving the fact that, you know

216. we getting along and everything.

217. - We're just celebratin'. - Oh, yes.

218. Well, now, that does my heart good to see that.

219. - It really does my heart good. - Good, good.

220. Fancy, honey, can you reach me that envelope for 217?

221. - Mm-mm, oh, uh.. - 217?

222. - Uh.. - Uh, yeah. Sure.

223. Have mercy! Are you okay, baby?

224. I'm fine, uh, you know

225. they're gonna have the Hotel Olympics

226. in the next four years and I'm workin' on the..

227. I'm working on the desk jump. You see?

228. I gotta go get dressed for dinner.

229. Oh, you go get ready now.

230. Get special.

231. So cute.

232. Man, that was close. Now give me the ring.

233. - Jamie, I can't. - What do you mean you can't?

234. - It's stuck on my finger. - What you mean the ring is..

235. - It's stuck on my finger. - No, it's not.

236. Girl, you're hand done swell up like the "Nutty Professor."

237. Uh, Jamie, don't you have a little something

238. for me, Jamie?

239. Uh, yeah, hey

240. what's up, unc, how you doin'?

241. You look different, man.

242. Boy, you know, got you a tan. Look at him. He tan.

243. You Coppert.. You Coppertone. Coppertone.

244. - Are you two okay? - 'Oh, yeah, fine.'

245. We were just sittin' here kickin' it, you know..

246. - Yay! - Good.

247. Kick down that you-know-what for you-know-who.

248. Oh-oh, right, right, right. I was gonna kick that down..

249. Man, how about them Dodgers? Are they playin'?

250. No hit..

251. How about my ring, Jamie? My ring?

252. Uh, well, here-here it is

253. but look-look there's some things

254. that I need to tell you about.. Oh, man!

255. to make sure that the restaurant receipts

256. are tallied tonight and..

257. Oh, hello, Junior.

258. Well, I see you're dressed up to go out tonight.

259. Of course, you know, I always get dressed up

260. when I go out to the track.

261. I'm not talking about the track!

262. Uh-uh, unc, uh..

263. Jamie, what are you doing?

264. You just gave him an empty box.

265. I know what I did, listen.

266. We're gonna take the ring off

267. and I'm gonna put this ring in the box.

268. It won't come off.

269. Oh, yeah, it's gonna come off

270. by any means necessary.

271. Wait a minute.

272. I think I see what the problem is.

273. Come right here, Brax.

274. Now.

275. Jamie, what are you doing?

276. Uh, I'm just having a good time while I think

277. of another way to get the ring off.

278. Come on, Fancy, you've been in that sauna for a hour now.

279. Ain't the ring lose yet?

280. Jamie, it's still stuck.

281. What you been in there doin'?

282. Uh..

283. Call me.

284. Francesca, this ring is never coming off.

285. Yeah, we gettin' the ring off.

286. Oh, Helen, I don't know why you got such an attitude, baby?

287. Well, you have till the end of the night to figure it out.

288. - May I help you? - Yes.

289. We have a reservation for King.

290. Actually, we ate here 25 years ago.

291. Oh, isn't that nice?

292. Walk this way.

293. May I help you?

294. - Yeah, I'm-I'm cool. - Uh, no-no.

295. Wh-what I meant is, if you do not have a reservation

296. I will be forced to call, how do you say, five-O.

297. Oh, I see, well, let me put it this way

298. if, uh, you do not back up off of me

299. you will be forced to call the ambulance.

300. - I see your point, monsieur. - Good.

301. Now, look, I want you to take this note

302. give it to the man right there in the beige, alright?

303. Oh, you need a little tip?

304. Alright.

305. Peace, brother.

306. - Junior. - What?

307. I'm sorry, but that's it.

308. I don't know if I can stay married to the kind of man

309. who would forget his own—

310. His own anniversary?

311. What? You mean, you knew?

312. Of course, baby, I knew.

313. I was just playing with you.

314. It was all part of my surprise.

315. And you put me through all of that. Why, I oughta..

316. Ah! Jewelry!

317. Hey, baby, I know I've screwed up in the past.

318. But when you take a look at this

319. right after dinner

320. uh, you're really gonna thank me.

321. Oh..

322. A young man asked me

323. to give you this note.

324. Dear Uncle Junior, sorry about the ring, man

325. just stall Aunt Helen until I get back.

326. Remember, dumb's the word.

327. The madder she gets

328. you just get dumber.

329. Who sent you the note, Junior?

330. The-the owner of this restaurant here, yeah.

331. He knew that it was our 25th anniversary, yeah.

332. Oh, isn't that sweet?

333. Would you like some champagne?

334. We have Don Perignon

335. for a mere $125 a bottle.

336. $125 a bottle?

337. Uh, how about the Don Cornelius?

338. Uh, well, uh, give me that Don Perignon

339. but send some of 'em little shot glasses with it, okay?

340. What're you guys doin' just standin' around?

341. Come on, we gotta get the ring off the finger.

342. Jamie, we tried. Nothing worked.

343. Look, Jamie, I believe honesty is the best policy.

344. Simply, take Francesca to the restaurant

345. and explain what happened.

346. Alright, alright, alright. let me think

347. about that for a second.

348. Not doin' it!

349. It's my aunt and my uncle's anniversary.

350. And it's supposed to be romantic.

351. There's nothing romantic about having the ring

352. stuck on Fancy's fat-ass finger.

353. My fat finger? What about your fat-ass head?

354. Man, look!

355. Nobody panic, alright, look.

356. Look, B, I want you to help me

357. to get this off the vent and everything.

358. Fancy, take your clothes off

359. 'cause I don't want 'em to get dirty.

360. And scurry on down and get the ring.

361. For once, you've come up with a good idea.

362. Oh, I would take my clothes off

363. but for you two?

364. Please, you wouldn't last

365. longer than a Tyson fight.

366. Ding!

367. What's she talkin' about?

368. Hm.

369. Junior, would you hurry up?

370. I've never seen anybody eat corn one kernel at a time.

371. Honey, you know I have to chew my corn carefully.

372. It screws up my digestion if I don't.

373. Come on, Junior. I'm bored.

374. Oh, Helen, uh

375. you got somethin' on your, on your face.

376. - Where? - Right here.

377. - Oh! - Yeah.

378. I better run to the ladies' room.

379. Yeah.

380. Jamie, am I glad to see you, man.

381. - We got a problem. - Yeah, I know.

382. - Where the hell is my ring? - Shh.

383. Listen, I got it stuck on Fancy's finger.

384. You what? Why the hell is ring on Fancy's finger?

385. No, no, no, not now. Look, I got it out.

386. - I told you, I'll be back. - I know, man.

387. I mean, I knew you'd come through. Give me the ring.

388. I will, as soon as I get it out the heating vent.

389. The heating vent?

390. Listen, listen, don't panic, alright?

391. I got you into this, I can get you out.

392. All you gotta do is stall Aunt Helen.

393. Alright, man, just hurry because

394. I can't stall Helen for much longer.

395. I'll be back with the ring before dinner's over.

396. You better, because after she kills me

397. I'm coming back for you.

398. I know this might sound weird

399. but I could have sworn I saw somebody

400. crawling outta here who looked just like Jamie.

401. Jamie who?

402. Our nephew.

403. Oh-oh, no, that was someone

404. who drank a little bit too much

405. of that damn Cornelius.

406. Oh, good, Jamie. You're back.

407. I don't have time for small talk. Gotta get the ring.

408. - But-but let me, uh.. - But my grill, man.

409. Listen, if you're not gonna help me

410. just keep your mouth closed

411. and mind your business.

412. Alright?

413. Jamie, it would be my pleasure.

414. Hey, look. I don't see anything down here.

415. Maybe if you go a little deeper into the filth.

416. Hey, Braxton, what's goin' on?

417. Jamie crawled into the heating vent.

418. But didn't you tell him we got the ring out?

419. What?

420. I tried to. I tried.

421. But then he told me to keep my mouth shut

422. and mind my business.

423. So how'd you get the ring out?

424. Oh, I did what you said

425. I took all my clothes off

426. and I got the ring out.

427. You-you-you-you did what?

428. Well actually I wasn't totally nude.

429. I had boots on.

430. Too bad you weren't there.

431. You could have knocked them.

432. Oh, no-o-o!

433. Well, if it isn't the pigpen..

434. back again.

435. Well, why don't you tell the Vernon Shirley

436. I said "hi," huh, squeaky?

437. Can I talk to you for a second back in here for a minute?

438. Come on.

439. Hey, psst, look-look, I'll take that from you.

440. There you go, yeah. You can have the whole night off.

441. Tell the kids, I said "what's up?"

442. Hey, we've been here over 45 minutes.

443. That better be our food.

444. Hey, you little angry white man.

445. Hold on, man.

446. You better take that little chicken

447. and shut the hell up.

448. Well, I never..

449. And you won't.

450. You better quit trippin'.

451. I will slap the hell of it out of you.

452. Waiter, some water.

453. Oh, thanks.

454. You know, brother is thirsty.

455. Hey!

456. Helen, I have a confession to make.

457. What?

458. I screwed up again.

459. Babe, I love you.

460. I went to the jewelers months ago

461. 'cause I want to get you something nice, you know?

462. 'Cause I want to see you like, you know, the look on your face

463. you know, when you open up, whoa!

464. Oh! You got me a diamond ring.

465. Oh, I'm so surprised.

466. I am too.

467. Oh, Junior, oh.

468. - Oh, yeah. - It is beautiful.

469. Oh, look at that.

470. Thank you, honey.

471. Keep it up. Keep it up.

472. Junior, you have spent 25 years

473. forgetting our anniversary

474. my birthday and..

475. I know, I know, I know..

476. And it doesn't matter

477. because I've always loved you with all my heart.

478. Me too, baby.

479. - And one more thing. - Uh-huh.

480. - When we get home.. - Mmm-mm.

481. it's... gonna

482. be... on..

483. like hot buttered popcorn.

484. Oh-oh! Hold your horsey. Hold your horsey.

485. But before we go..

486. may I have one dance?

487. Uh, I'd be honored.

488. My brother, can I speak to you for a second?

489. Please?

490. Yep, come on, man.

491. Bad dog.