The Jamie Foxx Show 1x6

1. I, Braxton Hartnabrig

2. have been accepted into the 101 BBM

3. and the dinner is this Friday.

4. Anyway, Fancy, you know I was thinking..

5. Jamie.

6. That's great, Braxton. But what is the BBM?

7. Surely, you jest.

8. I-I would expect that from a little

9. bit country here but you..

10. You must have heard of the Burgeoning Black Men's Club.

11. Oh. Yeah, right. The virgining black men's club.

12. You see, what that is, that's for all the brothers

13. that ain't got no drawers yet.

14. Hardy-har hardly.

15. It's for men who are on the verge..

16. Of getting the drawers.

17. What is wrong with you?

18. This has nothing to do with getting the drawers

19. as you call it.

20. Uh..

21. Yeah, the King's Towers.

22. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll tell him.

23. Ah, I agree with you totally.

24. I didn't think he would. I really didn't think he would.

25. Alright, peace.

26. Uh, that was the drawers calling.

27. They said, you never gonna get 'em.

28. Hey, Aunt Helen, how you doing?

29. - I got any fan mail? - Oh, yeah.

30. - You got jokes. - Oh, but look.

31. - A postcard for Braxton. - Yeah, but who's it from?

32. Jamie, you know I'm not gonna read Braxton's personal mail.

33. That's right, you shouldn't be all in his stuff

34. and everything like that, 'cause that's wrong

35. but I'll tell you what..

36. - I'll read it to ya. - You..

37. - Okay. - See, you said..

38. Uh, oh, snap. Braxton's parents are coming to visit.

39. They left Monday. It's gonna take them a few days.

40. So they should be drivin' in today.

41. Ooh, alright. Oh, that is so exciting, don't you think?

42. Only if he's leavin' with 'em.

43. Boy, look here now.

44. I wonder what Braxton's parents are like.

45. Probably like him. Corny to the tenth power.

46. Excuse me, Arabella's?

47. Excuse me, do you have the grapefruit parfait?

48. - Jamie, I want you to be nice. - I will be nice.

49. Yeah, they're probably different from what you're used to

50. but they're still his parents.

51. Yeah, right. Well, I'll be on my best behavior.

52. Because anything else would be uncivilized.

53. Oh, my goodness.

54. Oh, my goodness, here he comes now.

55. Mrs. King, uh, I ran those numbers from last month again

56. and I can't seem to find my boner.

57. Hey, hey, hey. We don't wanna see all that.

58. A boner is a mistake.

59. An error, a faux pas.

60. I don't care if it's faux pas. I don't care if it's faux ma..

61. We don't wanna see all that. It's nasty.

62. Braxton, I didn't read this.

63. But it's from your parents.

64. Honey, yeah, they're comin' into town. Oh, yeah!

65. They left on Monday. Said they'd be here on Thursday.

66. Yeah, oh, Lord, that's today.

67. They comin' to see you. Oh, my goodness!

68. Oh, well, here, honey, read it for yourself.

69. I ain't tryin' to get in your business.

70. W-w-wait, whose parents are coming?

71. Oh, yours.

72. What?

73. - Uh, but they can't. - Oh, why not?

74. Uh-uh, because, because, uh, uh... they're afraid of flying.

75. Oh, don't worry about it, honey, they said they were drivin'.

76. Well-well, I-I just don't think it's a good idea because, um

77. um, it-it's not safe for them and-and you know

78. they could get car-jacked or something, I mean..

79. Why's this happening to me right now? It's not good timing.

80. Hey, hey, hey, hey, little boy beige.

81. Listen, now, why don't you just calm down?

82. Your parents are probably too stuck up for a stick-up anyway.

83. Well, I-I still don't think they should come..

84. - 'Man.' - Because I'm, uh, I'm sick.

85. Ha! Ah-ahchoo!

86. Hey, hey, disinfect, disinfect.

87. Hey, come on, in here.

88. Welcome, welcome to the King's Towers.

89. Ooh! Oh, my goodness.

90. Isn't this nice?

91. Sure is. Where Bubba at?

92. Excuse me, can I help you?

93. Yeah, we're looking for Bubba, where he at?

94. Does this, uh, Bubba have a last name?

95. 'Course he got a last name.

96. It's the same as mine. Now where he at?

97. I don't know what's wrong, I couldn't seem

98. to reach my... parents.

99. Bubba!

100. - Bubba? - Bubba?

101. - Bubba? - Come on over here.

102. Give your mama some sugar, boy.

103. Hello, mother. How are you?

104. Alright, dad.

105. Oh! Oh, okay. Okay, dad.

106. Yes, yes, so, so, you, uh, you found me again?

107. Yeah.

108. After last year, when you accidentally gave us

109. the wrong address in Seattle

110. we decided to star 69 you this time.

111. I gotta get call blocking.

112. Bubba, ain't you gonna introduce us to your friends?

113. Oh, oh, this is uh, Mr. and Mrs. King.

114. - And Francesca. - Hi.

115. These are my parents.

116. - Oh, hi. Welcome. - How y'all?

117. - It's so nice to see you. - Alright.

118. - Hey, what's goin' on? - Uh, nothing.

119. You can just scurry right back into the kitchen.

120. Wait! Hold the phone.

121. Who is this fine-looking young man right here?

122. - Stop. - You are a handsome devil.

123. Who, him?

124. Hey, girl, you better recognize.

125. She knows fine when she sees it.

126. Now, are you guys staying with us?

127. Sure as hell are.

128. - We're Bubba's parents. - Uh, Bubba?

129. Bubba.

130. Ah-ha!

131. Ha!

132. Ah-ha!

133. You're Braxton's parents.

134. - In the flesh. - A-ha!

135. Oh, my goodness, Mr. and Mrs. Hartnabrig

136. it's so nice to meet you.

137. Words cannot express

138. how happy I am to see you.

139. Not half as happy as we are to see Bubba.

140. Yeah, we tracked him down, drove all the way here

141. 'cause we was missin' ourselves some Bubba.

142. Uh-huh. Sniffed him out like a blood hound.

143. And that's why I brought my baby's favorite.

144. - Goose grease soup. - Goose?

145. - Is this goose grease soup? - Uh-huh.

146. This is goose grease soup, you know, we were just

147. sitting around talking about, "Man, I sure could go

148. for some goose grease soup."

149. Ain't that right, Bubba?

150. I hope that you two will stay here just as long as you like.

151. Oh, yes. On us.

152. Uh, I didn't say all of that, baby.

153. So I guess you're excited about Braxton's big dinner tomorrow.

154. Oh..

155. - What big dinner? - Oh, didn't you know?

156. He's being honored by the Burgeoning Black Men's Club.

157. Virgining?

158. Bubba, you didn't get your drawers yet?

159. You're good, Mr. Hartnabrig.

160. Go to work on that, baby. Go to work..

161. Bubba, you're gettin' another award?

162. He always was a overachiever.

163. I'm so proud of my baby.

164. - Thank you, mother. - Me too.

165. Mmm.

166. The bidet is not a water sprinkler.

167. Go ahead, have your fun at my expense.

168. Look, man, I'm all

169. laughed out, Bubba gum.

170. Eh, man, I did wanna ask you one question though.

171. You wanna buy a shrimp boat?

172. Hee hee hee!

173. Hee hee.

174. Whoo!

175. Oh, Braxton, I just had the best time with your parents.

176. They showed me a picture of you, when you were a kid

177. naked in the bathtub.

178. You were so cute.

179. I was 15 at the time. They had no right!

180. Braxton, honey, I noticed some tension

181. with you towards your parents.

182. - Is anything wrong? - No, no, not at all.

183. But look, I love my parents.

184. It's just they're so... loud.

185. I mean, when I-when I was a kid, we lived near an airport.

186. They used to call and tell us to keep the noise down.

187. Look, man, that's your family.

188. You should accept them for the way they are.

189. I mean, after all, they accepted you

190. and that couldn't have been easy.

191. I don't know about nobody else, but I'm ready to get my grub on.

192. Hey, Bubba, you wanna come with us?

193. Oh, uh, no. Uh, I don't think scheduling wise, it'll—

194. Hey, hey, hey, I'll treat.

195. Oh, yeah, sure. Sure, that'll be fine.

196. Jamie! Baby, why don't you come and hang out with us?

197. Ah! You read my mind. Let's go. Can I ride shotgun?

198. Uh-uh, you're gonna have to fight me

199. 'cause I don't like sittin' in the back.

200. And so he says, "If you get that horse into that bikini

201. I'll dance with him myself."

202. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it!

203. - I don't get it. - Neither did the horse.

204. No, no, I-I still don't get it.

205. Oh, man, calm down.

206. Me and your family just havin' fun. Just chill.

207. Eh, Mr. Hartnabrig, you got that 8-track tape.

208. Why don't you pop it in?

209. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about.

210. Oh, sing it to me, cat daddy.

211. Hey, Bubba, come on, sing your favorite part

212. like you used to when you were little.

213. We are all sensitive people.

214. With so much to give.

215. Understand me, sugar.

216. Now, are we ever gonna get there?

217. We're here, Mr. Mood Killer.

218. 'Welcome to Floodpuckers.'

219. 'Can I take your order, please?'

220. Floodpuckers? You're taking us to a drive-through?

221. Oh, oh, no, this place is the bomb. Oh, hey.

222. Look, let me get a double mother-Floodpucker with cheese.

223. Ooh, that sounds good. I'll have the same thing.

224. Uh, let me have three double Floodpuckers with cheese.

225. And bacon.

226. One with bacon.

227. Put a egg on mine.

228. One with a egg

229. and give us three orders of Floodpucker fries.

230. Ooh, chili-cheese fries.

231. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

232. Make that chili-cheese fries.

233. - Bubba, how about you? - Please!

234. Why don't I just order a triple bypass and a diet stroke?

235. Oh, come on, Bubba, don't be like that.

236. This here's good eatin'!

237. Uh, okay, uh..

238. I'll have a mother-Floodpucking diet cola.

239. Bubba, your actin' like this ain't

240. good enough for you no more.

241. Hollywood done change you.

242. Yeah, you changed.

243. Nobody asked you, MC Bama.

244. Now don't go pickin' on Jamie.

245. At least, he don't think he's better than everybody else.

246. Why can't you be more like him?

247. Since you can relate to Jamie so well

248. I hope you'll enjoy him for the rest of your stay here.

249. Because I don't need this food

250. and I do not need you all embarrassing me.

251. B-b-b..

252. Baby, come back here.

253. Well, I guess I can get his Floodpucking diet cola.

254. And, uh, how long will you be staying with us, Mr. Beaujay?

255. Just for the night. I'm here for the 101 BBM dinner.

256. In case, I get toasty, I don't want to have to drive.

257. Hello, Mr. Beaujay.

258. It is a pleasure to meet the president of the 101.

259. I am Braxton Hartnabrig.

260. Hartnabrig. Of course.

261. - You're our new inductee. - 'Ah!'

262. I must say you have a very impressive resume.

263. Thank you, but it pales in comparison to yours.

264. Well, after all, I'm not just a member.

265. I am the president.

266. Ah!

267. Ow! Oh.

268. Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Braxton.

269. Braxton, have you seen your father, man?

270. - I got something I wanna show— - Oh, oh, yes.

271. Uh, he and mother went sightseeing with Jamie.

272. - Oh. - Oh, hey, Junior King.

273. - Junior King. - Real nice to meet you.

274. I am Vray Beaujay.

275. Yeah, you sure are.

276. Braxton, I'm so happy to hear

277. your parents are coming tonight.

278. Keeping families together

279. is so important, wouldn't you say so, Braxton?

280. - Well, of course I would. - Excellent.

281. I'm sure meeting them will be quite an experience.

282. Oh, you don't know the half of it.

283. Oh, oh, yes, yes.

284. - I'm dead. - What's wrong?

285. Are you kidding? My parents at the BBM tonight.

286. They'll make a spectacle of themselves and a mockery of me.

287. Oh, Braxton, I'm sure your parents will be fine.

288. Everything will work out for the positive. Trust me.

289. Yeah, yeah, maybe you're right. May-maybe they've calmed down.

290. Ooh, you better call the vet, 'cause my dogs is woofin'.

291. I think your dogs need a litter box. Woo!

292. Shh!

293. Can you two please keep it down?

294. This is a business establishment.

295. I see Bubba still got a attitude problem.

296. Fine, if he feels like that.

297. I mean, Jamie gave us a good time today.

298. We just might as well keep on hanging out with him.

299. Mmm. Mmh.

300. Man, your parents have been runnin' me around like crazy.

301. Well, you didn't seem to mind when you were hogging

302. all the attention at Floodpuckers.

303. Look, man, don't get jealous.

304. I like 'em, but I don't want your parents.

305. - Especially after today. - I can only imagine.

306. So where did they embarrass you? I-I mean, take you?

307. Well, were supposed to go sightseein'.

308. Instead for three hours

309. we rode around looking for Rodney King's house.

310. He told me, "Let me get outside

311. and take a picture by the Honda."

312. See, if they embarrassed you

313. imagine what they'll do to me tonight at the dinner.

314. Look, man, uh, I'll go upstairs and talk to 'em

315. and just tell 'em to bring it down a notch.

316. You would actually do that for me?

317. Look, no-not for you, for me also

318. because I gotta get 'em off my back, man.

319. They told me tomorrow let's go over to OJ's house

320. so she can get a picture by the Bronco.

321. Ha ha ha.

322. - Jamie. - Hey.

323. Oh, Cleavan, don't let him in.

324. This room is a mess.

325. That's better.

326. What you need, baby?

327. Hey, I didn't interrupt anything, did I?

328. Nah, me and the missus, just getting ready

329. to play a game of strip dominoes.

330. You ain't shy, are you, baby?

331. No, I-I got a rash. I don't wanna get..

332. Uh, but anyway, I-I came up to talk to you about, uh, Braxton.

333. Oh, he's giving you an attitude too?

334. No, no, no. It ain't like that.

335. It's just that, uh, tonight's

336. 'very special for him, you know, and..'

337. The dinner and everything, he's really counting on it and..

338. He just wants you guys to be

339. on your best behavior, that's all.

340. Oh, so he's ashamed of us, huh?

341. No, no, no. He ain't ashamed. Just that, you know..

342. As a matter of fact, we was just downstairs

343. and he was telling me how..

344. Well, he was telling me how proud he was of the both of you.

345. Uh-huh, Bubba said that?

346. What did Bubba say.. Well, yes.

347. Uh, well, I mean

348. he didn't really say proud, but I mean

349. he was, that's what I had derived from him.

350. Alright, look, listen, I shouldn't quote.

351. I mean, you guys are loud.

352. But I'm loud myself. So it's cool.

353. Look, Jamie. We don't wanna embarrass Bubba.

354. Alright, well, this what we do.

355. What we'll do is we'll get your best, uh..

356. We-we gotta get you some clothes.

357. Once we get the clothes and everything then we'll start

358. to work on our speech and everything like this

359. so we will be more sophisticated.

360. And what? Act like we got an attitude?

361. No, not a attitude, just, you know, more like

362. you'd more as if I'm like more—

363. Like we got a stick up our butt.

364. Yeah, right, right, I'll go get the clothes and everything.

365. And you'll work the stick, uh, up your butt.

366. Ooh, there's my baby. Bubba, smile, baby.

367. No, no. Uh-uh-uh. Chill, man. Remember the stick.

368. - Oh. - Remember the stick. Sit down.

369. Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.

370. Now, I'm gonna holler with Bubba real quick, alright? Just sit.

371. Didn't you talk to them?

372. Yeah, I talked to them, man, they slipped up a little bit.

373. Look, handle your business and everything

374. and I'll take care of them, alright, give me some dap.

375. Got ya.

376. Uh, good evening.

377. Uh, tonight we have a '72 Fume Blanc

378. and '68 Neuf-du-Pape.

379. Either of which goes well with the Chateaubriand.

380. I'd rather have the Cabernet Sauvignon, or the Chardonnay.

381. That was good Mr. Hartnabrig. I'm impressed, I'm impressed.

382. Well, I'm not impressed. That's too expensive.

383. Bring us a bottle of Ripple

384. some paper cups, and some Zig Zags.

385. 'Hey.'

386. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

387. You can't get your puff on in here.

388. 'Good evening. Bonsoir.'

389. And welcome to this month's meeting of the 101 BBM.

390. Before we get started, we are honored to have with us tonight

391. our founding father, Rutherford B. White.

392. Thank you very much. And enjoy your dinner.

393. How can he be the founder? He ain't black.

394. You never know. I think he Creole.

395. As you all know, I'm Vray Beaujay.

396. He sure is.

397. And I'm very, very pleased this evening

398. to welcome our newest member, Braxton Hartnabrig.

399. Yay, Bubba!

400. 'Yay!'

401. Thank you.

402. Thank you.

403. When I first learned I was accepted into the BBM

404. I was speechless.

405. I never thought I'd belong to a group

406. of such distinguished brothers.

407. 'You belong, baby.'

408. You belong, baby.

409. No, God, y'all got to chill.

410. Internalize, internal.

411. Because everyone needs a group.

412. A family, something to belong to.

413. - You got that right. - Uh-huh.

414. That's my baby up there, honey. That is my son.

415. Internalize, internalize.

416. Uh, a family whose members look after each other..

417. are there when you need them..

418. and are people about whom you can be proud to say

419. I am one of them.

420. You got that right, Bubba. You got that right.

421. Boy's just like his daddy.

422. Uh-huh, look, I've got a picture of him

423. naked in the bathtub.

424. Ain't he cute? Look.

425. Excuse me, what-what is all the commotion over there?

426. Ah, we're, uh, just simply trying to..

427. root old Braxton on there..

428. And everything because you know it's, well..

429. It-it's all good in the hood.

430. - Who are these people? - Oh, don't worry about us.

431. Just go on with your program.

432. We will if you just shut your trap.

433. Oh, no, he didn't.

434. Cool yourself, Miss Hartnabrig.

435. Hartnabrig?

436. Braxton, are these..

437. country folk your parents?

438. These are my parents, yes.

439. Well, aren't you going to say something?

440. - 'Uh, say something?' - 'Yes.'

441. Yes, I am.

442. I'm going to say, don't you ever

443. tell my father to shut his trap again.

444. Because if you do, I will be forced

445. to kick your Vray Beaujay ass.

446. Right?

447. - How do you like me now? - Tell him, Bubba.

448. - 'How do you like me?' - You tell him, baby.

449. Yes, uh, I see, uh..

450. - Is that all? - No, that is not all.

451. Let me just add that if membership in this club means

452. I have to forget who I am and where I came from

453. you can keep it.

454. I thank you all very much.

455. Hey, Braxton.

456. Mother.

457. Bubba, Bubba, Bubba.

458. Order. Order.

459. 'Let's not forget who we are.'

460. Bubba, Bubba, Bubba.

461. The bidet is not a foot Jacuzzi.

462. But the bidet is not a drinking fountain.

463. But the bidet is not a wishing well.

464. The bidet is not a slip and slide.

465. Eh, Mr. Hartnabrig. Why don't you put that 8-track tape in?

466. Yeah, ha, ha.

467. 'Welcome to Floodpuckers.'

468. 'Can I take your order, please?'

469. - Wait, wait, - Wait, wait.

470. I'm taking a BM

471. at the-at the BBM.