The Jamie Foxx Show 1x5

1. - Hold it! - Get-get back, you.

2. No, we're not letting anybody in.

3. Get back until the party's over.

4. Uh, you just get, uh, get back.

5. Jamie, you could've at least helped me.

6. I mean, didn't you see I was in an awkward position?

7. Oh, I missed it, I would've liked to see you

8. in that position. What..

9. What kinda position was it?

10. Hey, lady, how long do I have to wait for my pie?

11. Hey, hey, look here, Mr. Lee, you're gonna get your pies, man

12. as soon as the pies are ready and everything.

13. - We'll get you a slice. - Damn that!

14. - I ordered before he did. - Hey, man.

15. You want me to squeeze you back into that lamp, huh, Kazam?

16. - What's up, man? - I was just sayin'.

17. What is this? What's goin' on with all these pies?

18. Why's everybody gettin' crazy about these pies for, anyway?

19. It's your Aunt Helen's special recipe.

20. She only sells it once a year, but everybody

21. seems to go crazy over these pies!

22. - Jamie, listen, we gotta talk. - Hey, hey!

23. - We've got a big problem here. - What's the problem, man?

24. And what the hell is wrong with you?

25. N-n-nothing's wrong with me.

26. There, man.

27. Dennis, where are the rest of the pies?

28. Uh, it's, uh, uff, it's.. The-the pies?

29. - Yeah. - About the pies, Fancy, um..

30. There's no more pies. See, this is the last slice right here.

31. What?

32. What are you talking about?

33. I couldn't help it, Jamie.

34. I mean, I just look at the pie, it's..

35. It just kept..

36. calling me and calling me.

37. And what am I supposed to tell all these people?

38. We only have one slice left?

39. - Yes. - Well, I better get it.

40. 'Cause I ain't had a meal in ten minutes.

41. We're already short of this. Give me the pie.

42. - I gotta divvy it up. - Jamie.

43. Give me this pie, man!

44. Strung out on this pie, you ought to be ashamed.

45. You get on out of here. Get out!

46. - Give me the pie! - Hey, hold up, man!

47. Back up off me.

48. Man, I'm about to wax the floor with you

49. if you don't come up off of that pie.

50. Your shorts are too tight for that.

51. Whoa!

52. 'Hey, hey, people! Hey, people, calm down!'

53. Just calm down! This is ridiculous!

54. Acting all greedy. All about greed, huh?

55. You should be ashamed of yourself

56. especially you!

57. Now that I got everybody's attention

58. and you got some sense in your head

59. and you got a hold of yourselves..

60. how much can I get for this pie?

61. I got $5 on it!

62. I'll give you $75!

63. I got $75 over there and $75 in here..

64. What in the hell happened in that restaurant?

65. Mrs. King is selling her pies again.

66. Every year, people just go crazy over them.

67. Now, where did you get the recipe?

68. Oh, it was handed down by my mama

69. who got it from her mama, who got it from her mama

70. who jacked her Great-aunt Kizzy for it.

71. It's funny!

72. So how come I ain't never tasted the pie?

73. Because you were too young to handle it, Jamie.

74. I ain't never been too young to handle nothing.

75. Though y'all act like y'all are making moonshine or somethin'.

76. You know, it's just some-some old pie!

77. No, no, no, Jamie. That's where you're wrong, man.

78. It ain't just pie, man!

79. First time I had it, I was up all night

80. trying to get me another piece.

81. Oh, another piece of what?

82. Now, Helen. I'm talking about pie, baby.

83. Another piece of pie.

84. Oh, 'cause I was going to say

85. you know, I'll be off in about ten minutes.

86. - You know, maybe we can.. - Aw, suki suki, now.

87. Are y'all finished?

88. - Hey, come on. - Can I get you a cigarette?

89. Now, look, if the pie is that good

90. then I might as well go on and get me a piece of the thing.

91. Oh, you know what? I wanna try some, too.

92. Oh, yeah, or we could take a piece and everything

93. go back up to the room and eat a little bit of it naked.

94. Look, I want you both

95. to just listen to me, I mean it, okay?

96. Because I've been through this!

97. Once you eat them, you're hooked!

98. Because, man you just can't eat one of them things, man!

99. It goes all through you.

100. It does strange things to you.

101. Hey, man, what are you doing with that VCR?

102. I just found it.

103. - You found it? - Yeah.

104. But, uh, look, Jamie, uh..

105. I'll tell you, I'll tell you what, I..

106. I-I-I'll give, I'll give you this VCR right here

107. just... give me a piece of pie.

108. I can't give you no pie.

109. Don't look at me that way.

110. I'm just tryin' to get my pie on.

111. Do you see what I mean?

112. Yeah, I see what you mean. I see a lot of things.

113. And I see a whole bunch of dead presidents in my pocket.

114. Now, if we had these pies down at the Million Man March

115. I mean, uh, every man, that's, that's like a million dollars.

116. You know what I'm sayin'? You know Biggie Smalls?

117. He's gonna eat two at least, you know?

118. As much as I hate to admit it, Jamie

119. but I think you've got a point.

120. Yeah, you better recognize.

121. Hey, hey, now hold on.

122. Those pies are a tradition and I only make them out of love.

123. Yeah, well, you know what, you don't have

124. to stop making 'em out of love.

125. You can just make 'em for the love

126. of the money.

127. We are not exploiting

128. my family tradition.

129. You know, I wouldn't do that, but, uh

130. maybe we could share it to, uh..

131. get these 25 pies for tomorrow

132. this wedding at, uh, 1 o'clock p.m..

133. What?

134. Jamie, you didn't?

135. Don't tell me you promised somebody

136. some pies tomorrow by 1 o'clock?

137. Oh, no, no, no! Of course not!

138. I-I promised them that..

139. we would have them by 12:00.

140. - Boy, you— - Well, now, hold on!

141. I, before you go ballistic, listen.

142. I think this pie thing can work.

143. Now, if we make these 25 pies for Mrs. Biacci

144. as soon as she comes down to get the pies and everything

145. if it doesn't work out.. If it doesn't work out..

146. I'll be the first one to admit that I'm wrong.

147. Ah, Helen..

148. we could use a little extra money.

149. I know I could, those student loans are kicking my butt.

150. That's what I'm sayin'. Wait, wait, wait.

151. Listen, we could all use the extra cash. Am I right?

152. I mean, it ain't like we're working at the Hilton.

153. You know what I'm sayin'? You break the deadline.

154. Get me a little money, get my little record deal goin'.

155. I'll be larger than Oran 'Juice' Jones.

156. I'm tellin' you!

157. No, Jamie.

158. - Okay, that's cool-that's cool. - No.

159. Don't you quiver your lip, boy.

160. I never could resist that face.

161. Alright, Jamie. I'll help you out, but just this once.

162. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

163. Now, is everybody down?

164. Right, you got it.

165. Everyone but me, Bro-Ham-Hock.

166. I will not be part of your homeboy baking network.

167. Now, I'm not saying the business can't be successful.

168. I'm saying, you can't be successful..

169. Pillsbury Bro Boy.

170. Well, I ain't got, but one thing to say to that.

171. Pshhh.

172. Alright, people, listen up!

173. Now, I brought you here for one reason

174. and that one reason alone.

175. And I don't think I have to tell you

176. that it's to make pies!

177. I didn't mean to scare you, darling.

178. Yeah, we're not just making any old pie either

179. we're making Aunt Helen's sweet potato pie.

180. - Because it looks what? - It looks good!

181. - Because it tastes what? - It tastes good!

182. - Therefore the pie is? - It's all good!

183. Word to your mother.

184. 'Alright!'

185. Now, we got 12 hours..

186. four people..

187. eight hands

188. twenty five pies, and when you add that all up

189. that equals up, uh

190. t-twelve, you carry the one, uh..

191. subtract..

192. Well, we're not here to do math!

193. Okay, can you get your butt over here and help us?

194. Oh, no! You're not mouthing off to me..

195. little filly!

196. Don't you eyeball me, girl!

197. Take you out to the woodshed.

198. You just make sure you keep peeling that yam there

199. just like that, right there, just like that.

200. - Right at the tip. - Jamie..

201. Now... yam it.

202. Uh, hello? Hey, hey, uh..

203. Yes, Mrs. Biacci, yes.

204. Yes, we're making the pies right now, uh-huh.

205. 'As a matter of fact, there's a big demand for the pies.'

206. We got a whole line of people out here

207. wait, yelling for the pies, I..

208. Ah, we want the pie.

209. We want the pie.

210. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fighting them off.

211. Yeah, yeah, we know the wedding's tomorrow.

212. Yeah, ma.. Really? Okay, fine.

213. And-and just let me say one thing

214. that your daughter is one fine Biacci.

215. Yeah. Alright, bye.

216. What happened, Jamie? Did they cancel?

217. No, instead of 12 o'clock

218. they need the pies at 11 o'clock.

219. That's no problem.

220. And instead of needing, uh, 25 pies

221. they need..

222. 75.

223. That's a problem!

224. Seventy five pies by tomorrow morning?

225. Jamie, you can't make my pies in bulk!

226. It messes up the quality.

227. Hold on, wait a minute, wait a minute.

228. What am I hearing here?

229. Am I gonna have to go Jesse Jackson on y'all?

230. Now, did George Foreman..

231. stop fighting because the people said

232. that he was too old, my partners?

233. No.

234. Did Ofrah—

235. - Who? - My bad.

236. Did Oprah..

237. give up when the people said

238. that she could not lose the weight?

239. No.

240. Did little Kunta Kinte

241. wunning in the fields, happy as a log

242. did he stop when they cut his little black foot off?

243. Well, maybe he did slow down a little bit

244. but what I'm tryin' to say is, is that we can do this, man

245. because the pies, well, it looks what?

246. It looks good.

247. - It tastes what? - It tastes good.

248. - Therefore the pie is? - It's all good.

249. That's what I'm saying. We can do this. Now, come on..

250. Now, why did Kunta lose all that weight?

251. A-a-and why did O-O-Oprah

252. get her foot cut off?

253. Now, come on, now, we can all, we can finish these pies.

254. We're almost finished. All we got to do is box 'em up.

255. - Come on. - Jamie, man.

256. But we're tired, man, we've been working

257. for five hours!

258. Look, I'm the one that's been working.

259. All that you are doing is making the pie crust.

260. My arm is hurting, my back is hurting..

261. My arms are falling off..

262. Wait a minute, hold on a minute.

263. Loved ones, come on! Now, what happened

264. to what we was doin' just a few minutes ago?

265. Man, we can't run like this if we're gonna be

266. a black-owned business establishment

267. we can't work like this.

268. We're all tired, come on. We can finish this up in the morning.

269. No, no, no, we can't! Come on, We can finish this tonight!

270. - But, Jamie, I'm tired! - I know you're tired.

271. All you gotta do is get some cucumbers, blam!

272. Splash it on you, get rid of those bags under your eyes.

273. Bags? Are you saying I got bags under my eyes?

274. No, no, no, suitcases.

275. But check this out.

276. Nobody's makin' a big deal over the fact

277. that Aunt Helen's filling is a little lumpy?

278. Now, you wait just one minute, little Mr. Pie Sergeant.

279. Now, I know you're not talkin' about my filling.

280. I've been making this pie for over 20 years

281. and if you're gonna start complaining about it

282. let me just remind you, I didn't want to go—

283. Helen, baby, cool your wig, okay?

284. I mean, he didn't mean it like that.

285. He's kinda tired himself. Everybody's tired.

286. Look, Fancy's asleep. We're all tired.

287. Go on upstairs and get some sleep.

288. Come on, Fancy, honey, let's get to bed.

289. Yeah, let me come up there and help you with Fancy.

290. You have to take her clothes off..

291. - Jamie, this is not the time. - You're right, you're right.

292. Y'all go on ahead, then!

293. Go, we don't need you, quitters!

294. We can do this ourselves! This is a man thing, anyway.

295. It's a man's world!

296. That's all I'm saying. We could do this.

297. Ain't that right, unc?

298. Ain't that right, unc?

299. Come-come on, unc, now, I know you're not selling me out, too.

300. Come on, wake up, up, up.

301. Wake up, unc.

302. And they're off!

303. Oh, I-I got $10 on Sugarfoot.

304. Go, Sugarfoot! Damn!

305. Oh, come on, man. Collect your winnings upstairs.

306. - What, Sugarfoot's upstairs? - Yeah, Sugarfoot's upstairs.

307. - Lefty's up there. - Oh, oh, oh..

308. Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. Look, listen to me, man.

309. Whatever you do

310. please don't taste that pie.

311. Hey, man, don't worry about me. I'll handle mine, alright?

312. I'll handle it. You just go on upstairs.

313. I'll take care of all this.

314. Now, by myself I got 15 pies

315. I got 2 hands, I got, uh..

316. I can't do math. I just need to do pies.

317. Once you've tasted these pies you're hooked.

318. Oh-oh, no, I-I ain't tasting the pie.

319. That's just-that's just, this is just filling.

320. I mean, you know, you gotta have filling and crust

321. to get a pie, you know.

322. You know, everything is so messy I thought..

323. I thought I would just clean up.

324. You know, here's one, uh..

325. big mess..

326. right here.

327. Perhaps you didn't hear me, Jamie.

328. I said, "Whatever you do

329. don't eat that pie."

330. Oh, no. I ain't eatin' it, I'm..

331. I'm cleaning up, you know?

332. How do you see me?

333. Leave me alone.

334. Oh, you-you tryin' to sneak up on a brother, huh?

335. Man, I got, I just gotta get my head together.

336. You know, get me something to drink and..

337. You know, get me a slice of pie..

338. No, no, no! No pie! No pie!

339. No pie! No pie! No math!

340. Let's just do this! Ju-just focus! Just focus!

341. That's all you gotta do, focus, man!

342. Just relax, relax yourself. Relax yourself.

343. You just walk. Act like you don't even see them.

344. You walk.

345. I don't even see you, as long as I don't look at you

346. you can't, you know, you can't do nothing to me.

347. I'll just walk.

348. 'Jamie.'

349. Who-who.. Who's that?

350. 'Jamie.'

351. How do you know my name?

352. 'Jamie.'

353. The pies are calling me. They're callin'.

354. 'Jamie, I can make you feel so good.'

355. I know you can.

356. I bet you could make a lot of people feel good, huh?

357. 'Don't you want me?'

358. I want you, but I can't have you.

359. 'Cause you belong to somebody else.

360. You belong to Mrs. Biacci.

361. I can't get down!

362. I'm not down with OPP!

363. Other People's Pie!

364. 'But don't you need me?'

365. I need somebody right now.

366. 'Yes, you do. Because I look what?'

367. You look good.

368. 'Because I taste what?'

369. And you taste good, too.

370. 'Devour me, Jamie. Devour me now!'

371. Hey.

372. Uh, look here, Fancy, if Mrs. Biacci comes in here

373. I just simply want you to tell her

374. that you haven't seen me, alright?

375. - Alright. - Okay, cool.

376. Jamie said to tell you that I haven't seen him.

377. - Good morning, Jamie. - Hey, Mrs. Biacci.

378. G-girl, you're working that dress. Look at you!

379. Wh-what kind of dress is this?

380. Is this Donna Karan, Donna Summer?

381. Cut the crap, Jamie! Where are my pies?

382. Oh-oh, oh, your pies? Oh, they-they're right over here.

383. Why you're acting like I ate all your pies or something, girl?

384. They're right here. Just calm down.

385. Good, because I was beginning to think there was something—

386. Oh, no, there ain't nothing wrong, you know?

387. It's all good.

388. Yeah, yeah, uh, just go ahead

389. and take care of them and I'm out.

390. Uh, don't you-don't you wanna be paid?

391. I mean, after all, you are an entrepreneur.

392. Yeah, d-don't even sweat it, you know

393. send me a check, money order, you know, carrier pigeon—

394. Oh, you're a very strange one, Jamie.

395. Now, let me look at my..

396. What the hell is this?

397. Uh, oh, uh, that..

398. See, this is what I call

399. my suave bolla pinata pie

400. slash gumbo.

401. This..

402. This says that you're ready

403. for all parts of the world.

404. I mean, you know, did, I.. You know what?

405. Shaquille O'Neal playing for the Lakers.

406. I don't know what's going on here

407. but I'm gonna hold your aunt personally liable.

408. I will sue this hotel for everything it's worth.

409. You're not about to ruin my daughter's wedding day!

410. Listen, listen, listen, I can explain.

411. No, I can't explain it, but, but..

412. If you're gonna blame somebody, go blame me.

413. Don't blame my aunt, she didn't want

414. to get into the pie business.

415. Oh, great, well, that's all very nice, Jamie

416. but where are my pies?

417. - They're right here. - Yep.

418. - There, you go, there they are. - Oh, my pies, let me see.

419. Now, that's a sweet potato pie!

420. That delicate, flaky crust..

421. the rich, creamy texture

422. of that... succulent filling.

423. It's almost like they just call your name.

424. I knew it. They're calling everybody.

425. They're calling you, too, huh?

426. Thank you so, so much.

427. Let-let me help you out to your car with these, okay?

428. Oh, thank you. Enjoy your daughter's wedding.

429. Oh, I will, she's marrying

430. a very nice Chinese boy

431. she met in school, David Ho.

432. - Oh, really? - Yeah, he's gonna be a doctor.

433. Ooh, get out of here!

434. No, I cannot. They make the most perfect couple.

435. But you know, I never pictured my daughter

436. with a Chinese man.

437. Really? Why is that?

438. Oh, well, because traditionally

439. Biaccis and Hos just don't mix.

440. Ah, well, I'm gonna go ahead and take a little nap. I'm kinda—

441. Jamie, get back here.

442. Uh..

443. Look, uh, auntie, uh..

444. I already know, you know, you know, what's goin' on

445. and I'm sure you know what happened to all those pies.

446. Yeah, I do, and I want you to know that it wasn't easy

447. getting up at 5:00 a.m.

448. making 75 pies while you were sleeping.

449. Next time you'll listen.

450. Yeah, no-no-no doubt, no doubt, no doubt.

451. I just have to ask you one question.

452. What is it that you put in these pies

453. that just hook people so fast?

454. If I tell you, I'll have to kill you.

455. Oh, no, look at you. You did it, didn't you?

456. - No, man, I.. - You're pie as a kite!

457. No, no, don't lie to me. I can, I can smell it on you.

458. Man, I'm, you know,

459. I'm just trying to, you know, do my thing.

460. Now, listen, Jamie, it's okay, alright.

461. I'm-I'm gonna get up outta this. I'm gonna get up outta this.

462. The first step to recovery

463. is admitting that you have a problem.

464. And you got a problem, Jamie.

465. I'm gonna give you a number for the center.

466. Yeah, what, the Betty- Betty Ford Center?

467. - Uh, no, it's Betty Crocker. - Oh.

468. They're helping me. I-I think they can help you.

469. Thank you, man. I love you, man.

470. - Oh, I love you, too. - I love you, man.

471. - I love you, brother. - I love you, too.

472. Yeah, we'll go play some football.

473. Cool, cool, cool.

474. H-h-hello?

475. B-B-Betty Crocker?

476. This is Jamie King..

477. and I'm a pie head.

478. Hey, thanks for staying at the Kings' Towers.

479. Take it easy.

480. Yo, yo, yo, Jamie, what's happening?

481. Damn, man, you look much better today!

482. Yeah, yeah, I look good, baby

483. and I-I feel larger, too.

484. Good, well, I'm glad about that, man

485. 'cause I was worried about you there for a minute, man.

486. Hey, Jamie, I warned you about those pies.

487. Hey, I know, I know. You know, I learned my lesson, too.

488. I am not having anymore of those pies. I've had enough.

489. - Good. - Hey, Jamie.

490. Can I see you in here for a second?

491. You sure can. Girl, what you need?

492. Hey, y'all, hey, y'all laughing now

493. but one day I'm gonna really be large.

494. Do you like that? You like that?

495. You like that? You like that?

496. What have I become?

497. What am I? Who am I?

498. What has become of me?

499. What am I? Who am I?