The Jamie Foxx Show 1x3

1. - Excuse me, Jamie. - Yeah.

2. Why, tonight by the look of that shirt, uh

3. you want some bumblebee tuna?

4. No. Uh, I'll just take, I'll just take a melon slice.

5. Cool, melon slice. Watchin' your weight. That's cool.

6. And... the chicken sandwich

7. the T-bone steak, the seafood platter and the..

8. Okay, one order slim fast and a..

9. Excuse me, somebody.

10. Uh, how ya, how ya doin', brother?

11. This does not taste like French toast to me!

12. Oh, well, you know what? I'll go in the back.

13. Uh, we got a-a chef.

14. - He is directly from France. - Really?

15. Yeah. I-I-I'll bring him right to you.

16. Alright. Thank you.

17. Yo, Pierre, you wanna come out here?

18. Ah, Jean-Claude Van Damme!

19. Uh, uh, what kind of French is that?

20. Uh, he from the south side of France.

21. He say you should try this, bro.

22. He says, "What do you think about that?"

23. stupid to recognize.

24. So what do you think of your food?

25. Much better. Merci beaucoup.

26. Gesundheit.

27. He said it's all good.

28. In five, four, three, two, one..

29. I'm off, baby.

30. Not yet, Jamie. I want you to help me with the plumbin', okay.

31. I can't right now, unc. Didn't you hear the buzzer?

32. I'm off for the rest of the day, baby.

33. - N.. - Is this a jack?

34. Guess who?

35. Only one lady I know that still wears that perfume.

36. Chiquita number five.

37. - Casey Coles, how you doin'? - In the flesh.

38. Yeah, oh, oh..

39. So, uh, how you doin'? What you doin' way out here in LA?

40. Well, I ran into your mama at the Piggly Wiggly

41. and she told me you had moved out here to LA.

42. I was out here on business.

43. so I thought I'd look you up.

44. Alright.

45. Jamie, don't be rude.

46. - Aren't you gonna introduce us? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

47. Well, uh, uh, this is Casey, my peeps, peeps, meet Casey.

48. Now, uh, she was my... first love, but..

49. that was a long time ago.

50. Jamie, what was you thinkin' about when you left her?

51. Hi, Casey honey, I don't know about that peeps stuff

52. but I'm his aunt Helen.

53. It's so nice to meet you, and I hope you enjoy LA.

54. Oh, thank you.

55. Well, I've got your luggage right here, Ms. Coles.

56. Oh, why, thank you.

57. Well, you know, the people in LA are just so friendly.

58. And the people from out of town are so... cheap.

59. Oh, you know what, uh, come, s-sit down

60. so, y-y-you stayin' here at the hotel, huh?

61. Of course, I'm stayin' here. Where else would I stay?

62. - I knew you were workin' here. - Yeah, well, I, you know..

63. I work, you know, part owner, and everything

64. and work here too, and, uh

65. but you know, I'm still actin' and singin' and everything.

66. Ooh, Jamie, you still singin'?

67. Yeah, girl, yeah, I still sing.

68. You know, how I break it down like..

69. - You know what I'm sayin'. - That used to be our jam

70. back in the day.

71. Back when I used to wear my Calvin Klein jeans.

72. - JordASS Jeans. - With a little horse on it.

73. Yeah, and the..

74. The Sergio Valente.

75. - Remember the school dances? - School dances?

76. Girl, I still remember the dance. We'd get out there and..

77. Uh, yeah, and a jiggle, and, uh, in there.

78. Ladies!

79. O-o-oh! O-o-oh!

80. Uh, break it on down, break it on down, break it on down.

81. There, break it up.

82. Yeah, we're cool. We're cool.

83. You broke it, you broke it, you broke it, you broke it on down.

84. Man, it's just been so long since I've seen you.

85. You know what?

86. I got some tickets to go to this little movie premiere.

87. Everybody gonna be there. Whitney Houston, Eddie Murphy.

88. You know, and stuff and I gotta go

89. 'cause I gotta represent, you know.

90. Oh, Jamie, you know I don't care who's there

91. as long as I'm with you.

92. - Oh! Cool. - Ooh! Just like old times.

93. Me, and Jamie King, the love machine.

94. Look out.

95. And Casey hot Coles.

96. This still is so crazy. Anyway, I am gonna go get dressed.

97. I'm gonna be wearing your favorite color.

98. Butt naked.

99. Same old Jamie King.

100. Yeah, same ol' Casey caramel rake me over the hot Coles!

101. I see you finally got yourself a little date.

102. Oh, a little date? Why has it gotta be a little date?

103. Oh, I didn't mean it like that. I was just thinkin'--

104. Well, it seems like somebody is a little jealous.

105. - Jealous? - I'm just sayin'.

106. Caddy, caddy, caddyshack.

107. I'm not jealous. Now Jamie, why would I be jealous?

108. I don't know, but it seems like your jaws are kinda tight.

109. My jaws are not tight.

110. The hell they are.

111. Don't be mad just 'cause there's an other chicken

112. in the chicken coup.

113. That Junior King is the most stubborn man I ever met.

114. He refuses to get a plumber and knows nothin' about layin' pipe.

115. Yeah, you're right about that.

116. I flushed a toilet, and the shower came on.

117. We had ten guests on the third floor

118. complainin' they couldn't take showers.

119. I thought it smelled a bit pungent up there.

120. - Thank God it wasn't me. - Braxton!

121. Oh, man. I can't believe we saw so many stars.

122. We saw, Magic Johnson, Shaq, Mike Tyson—

123. He's the greatest fighter that ever fought.

124. - You're so silly. - No, I'm just..

125. I'm just a ludicrous, I'm confident.

126. Jamie, it was really great being with you tonight.

127. And I wanna thank you for a wonderful evening.

128. Hey, hey, no problem, you know, I just apologize

129. for being so close to the screen and everything.

130. I won those tickets off the radio, you know, 20th caller.

131. - Oh, my neck is killin' me. - Really?

132. You wouldn't happen to have a masseuse on staff, would you?

133. Uh... girl, what you need a masseuse for?

134. You know I got skills.

135. - Hmm.. - Ooh!

136. - That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. - Ow!

137. Jamie, it's been so long since I felt those magic fingers, ah!

138. You make house calls?

139. Sure. House calls, room calls.

140. Booty calls.

141. Will you stop?

142. I'm just glad you could squeeze me into your schedule.

143. Yeah, well, uh, I'm definitely squeezin'.

144. I think it's time for me to get to bed.

145. - Hmm. - Goodnight.

146. Alright, well you sleep tight then.

147. And, uh, don't let the bed bugs bite.

148. Mm-mm-mm. Check you out. Silky!

149. - Mr. Lover Man! - No. No, no, no.

150. You know, me and Casey used to go out, but you know

151. that was... was back in the day.

152. Yeah, well it looked to me, man, like you 'bout to

153. get back into that saddle.

154. Well, I'll tell you what, if I get me some ridin' gear

155. I might be able to get my buck on.

156. Yeah, man, a-and you know what happens when they

157. get the buckin', you know. Wow! Watch it.

158. - Hey, hey, hey, unc, unc, unc! - I've got it.

159. I don't even wanna know you like that, brah.

160. But I'm just sayin' though, I don't know if she's about that.

161. You know, I hadn't seen her in like, seven years.

162. Jamie, all I can tell you is, don't be surprised

163. if she shows up at your door.

164. Two.

165. Yeah, I'm comin'. Give me a second.

166. Give me a second.

167. Hey, uh, C-C-Casey?

168. Hey, Jamie I didn't, I didn't wake you or anything, did I?

169. Oh, no. I was just in here, you know

170. gettin' my little workout on, you know.

171. Oh, I see you've been hittin' the weights.

172. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's nice and everything, you know.

173. Gotta get my swerve on there.

174. Still tryin' to get this developed.

175. - Okay. - You know..

176. Make that, you know..

177. Tryin' to work on my poses, you know.

178. Uh-huh.

179. Well..

180. Jamie, I know this is gonna sound a little crazy

181. but for some reason, my shower isn't working, can I use yours?

182. Jamie..

183. I wouldn't be surprised if she shows up at your door.

184. Uh, you know what? Yeah. You can, uh, use the shower.

185. As a matter of fact, I was expecting you to drop by.

186. - You were? - Yeah, I was.

187. Well, I don't know if I told you this

188. but my friend Adrian is meeting me here.

189. Adrian? No. You didn't say anything about Adrian.

190. I guess it kinda just slipped my mind.

191. We both kinda need to take a shower. I hate to impose.

192. Wait a minute. Let me get this straight now.

193. You and Adrian..

194. wanna come take a shower in here?

195. Yeah. I hope that's not a problem or anything.

196. It ain't no problem at all.

197. You just run right on and, uh, you grab Adrian and everything.

198. - Okay. - Alright.

199. Thanks, Jamie. We'll be right back.

200. I'll get the water runnin'.

201. That's what I'm talkin' about, baby.

202. That's what I'm saying. Time to go in the game.

203. Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about.

204. Jamie, are you in there?

205. Ah.

206. He must be giving us some privacy.

207. Oh, you know, I forgot my shampoo.

208. I'll just go get that, and I'll be right back, Adrian.

209. Yo, man, I don't know what you're doin' man, but..

210. I will loofah scrub your ass.

211. I'm just tryin' to take a shower, man.

212. I know what you're tryin' to do.

213. - Jamie, what is wrong? - Oh.

214. We need to call the police, this man was in there

215. lookin' at my nakedness.

216. - Jamie, this is Adrian. - No, it ain't.

217. That's the man that was in there lookin' at my nakedness.

218. I don't know what he did with Adrian.

219. Jamie, this is my boyfriend, Adrian.

220. 'Th-this your..'

221. That's your boyfriend?

222. Oh, man, I gotta sit down.

223. - Look, Jamie— - Man, watch yourself.

224. This must be some sort of misunderstanding.

225. No, it ain't a miss-understandin'.

226. It's a mister-understandin'.

227. Now, I don't know what's goin' on or what you thought, but..

228. Oh, wait, you wouldn't think Adrian was a woman

229. and that the three of us were gonna get—

230. Oh, no, no, no. Watch your mouth.

231. I wouldn't think that, I mean, I would have to be a..

232. a fool to think somethin' like that.

233. Well, then, what exactly did you think?

234. Well, uh, what I thought was..

235. was that, when she said she was comin' by later, I thought

236. she meant like, later, like tomorrow, later.

237. 'Cause you know, I was expectin' a, a little honey, you know

238. to jump up in the shower with me.

239. Who?

240. Why you Marcia Clarkin' me?

241. Well, you obviously thought something.

242. Yeah, well, you know, I just, you know, thought that, uh

243. I was gonna have my little babe up and everything and, you know.

244. I was gettin' ready for her, you know.

245. 'Oh!'

246. What? Jamie, you didn't tell me anything about a girlfriend.

247. - Who is she? - Uh, well, uh..

248. She, uh, she's a..

249. uh, uh..

250. Uh, uh, Fancy. Yeah. Fancy.

251. Hey, man, you mind if I still take that shower?

252. Oh, no. Oh, no. Here, loofah, loofah, loofah.

253. Loofah..

254. Hey, man, I love your daytime talk show too.

255. 'Uh, but..'

256. Next time when you come to the King's Tower and everything

257. hopefully we'll get the showers workin' and everything, alright.

258. You sure you don't wanna hit your armpits with some of this?

259. - No, man. - 'You sure?'

260. It's kinda, kinda stinkin'.

261. Hey there, beautiful girl, how'd you sleep last night?

262. Did I say that not only are you very pretty and everything

263. but you are very intelligent.

264. - Jamie, what's wrong? - Oh, nothing's wrong.

265. I mean, why has there got to be anything, uh..

266. wrong, you know... I mean, with us.

267. You know, me, you.

268. I mean, 'cause when you think about it, I mean

269. Jack... helped Jill up the hill.

270. Why?

271. So that they'd fetch. A what? A pail of water.

272. - Do you dig the signs in there? - I.. Okay.

273. Jamie, what do you want?

274. Okay. I'm gonna be on the up and up with you.

275. It's not what I want from you.

276. - It's what I need from you. - Excuse me.

277. No, no. It's nothing like that. Look, I need a huge favor.

278. - Alright. - What is it?

279. This is on the up.

280. I just want you to go out to dinner with me and Casey.

281. It's her last night in town and everything like that.

282. You know, you can tag along. You know, it'll be a lot of fun.

283. - That's it? - Yeah, yeah. That's it.

284. - That's it? - That's it.

285. - Okay, alright, cool. - Cool.

286. - Hey, Jamie. - Hey.

287. Oh, don't tell me. This must be your girlfriend Fancy.

288. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Girlfriend? I'm not his..

289. I mean, my, my girlfriend.

290. You, you're a girl, right? Right. Cool. Friend.

291. - Girlfriend. - Jamie, what's goin' on?

292. What's goin' on is, uh, honey, truffles is that, uh..

293. Adrian and Casey have been waitin' all day to see us.

294. Yeah, I'm so glad you're gonna be joining us for dinner.

295. Yeah, we can all get better acquainted.

296. - I'm sorry, I can't let— - Can't wait another minute.

297. Can't let another minute go by.

298. Without, you know, goin' to dinner with y'all, we'd love to.

299. Alright, little man, we'll see you tonight around 8:00?

300. Oh, little man. You got one in. Give me a five, bro.

301. Aye, aye, aye.

302. Aye!

303. Jamie, what are you doing?

304. Look, if you do this favor for me, I will owe you big-time.

305. Do you realize how much power I'm giving you?

306. Alright, I'll go along with you this time

307. but you better behave or I'm out.

308. Hey, hey, I'm cool. I'm cool. I'm not..

309. No more!

310. So... Jamie never told me, Fancy, how'd you two meet?

311. - How did we meet? - Uh..

312. I mean, yeah. Right, right, right.

313. Yeah, how, how did we meet? Well, what happened was that..

314. You know what?

315. I was walkin'..

316. and, uh, she was stopped at a stoplight.

317. I was crossin' the street and I just

318. swaazed over to her and put my little rap on her.

319. - Ain't that right, baby? - That's right, sweetie.

320. I'll never forget the first words he said to me.

321. "Ma'am, can I wash your windows for some spare change?"

322. Y-y-you're, you're such a kiddo.

323. Uh, uh, I-I-I'll never forget the first words she told me.

324. She said, "Why wash those windows

325. when you can wax these drawers?"

326. And we've been together ever since.

327. You know, I just love the way you guys keep the humor

328. in your relationship. That's so important.

329. I agree. Another grape, my love?

330. Ah, so, uh, you like, you like to feed your woman too, huh?

331. Jamie, d-d-don't. No! Don't even think about it.

332. Let me get this straight, Casey.

333. You went out with Jamie voluntarily?

334. Oh, girl, back then Jamie had it goin' on.

335. He used to wear this long Jerry curl.

336. And people used to tell him

337. he looked like a dark-skinned Stoney Jackson.

338. 'What?'

339. You know what, I, you know, I was him.

340. - Jamie was a good kisser too. - 'Look out.'

341. Best kisser I ever met.

342. Well, until Adrian of course.

343. Well, I guess that's my cue.

344. Well, I guess that's my cue, too.

345. Mine, too.

346. Yeah. You're right. The cake is better. You're right.

347. Oh, yeah. I-I'll see you over there then. Cool.

348. Alright. Don't. No, don't wait on me.

349. Yeah. Uh..

350. Yeah, w-we kinda, uh, we got the, uh..

351. You know, Ike and Tina type of relationship. Yeah.

352. I-I'm Tina today.

353. Ms. King, I must inform you

354. that as a result of the plumbing problems

355. we have had to comp 15 rooms and 35 dinners.

356. I told Junior to just call Shownuff Plumbing

357. and they would've fixed the problem for only $39.99.

358. - Shownuff? - Shownuff!

359. I don't know why he wouldn't do it.

360. - Junior, you— - No need. No need, Helen.

361. I have fixed the problem.

362. Somehow, your wig got flushed down the toilet.

363. It blocked up that whole half of the hotel.

364. Oh. Look at that.

365. That was my favorite wig. Been in the family for years.

366. I'm sorry, baby. Let's go give this thing a proper burial.

367. Good morning.

368. Hey, uh..

369. Uh, look, Fancy, about last night—

370. Jamie, I don't even wanna talk about it.

371. 'Well, hold on. Listen. Listen.'

372. I just wanted to say that I was wrong and you know

373. I'm gonna be a man and admit that I was outta control.

374. I mean, you don't deserve to be treated like that

375. and, you know, all jokes aside, I think that, uh..

376. You know, you deserve more respect than that.

377. - Well, Jamie, I don't— - Hold on. Wait, wait, wait.

378. You know, I mean, I was trippin' and everything and, uh..

379. I'm not gonna lose our friendship over somethin' that

380. you know, that was so stupid like we did yesterday.

381. I don't even know what I was thinkin'. It's crazy.

382. Okay, Jamie. Apology accepted.

383. I just hope you've learned your lesson from all of this.

384. Oh, yeah, yeah. Most definitely. I lea..

385. I learned. I know when to quit.

386. I mean, uh..

387. I can say honestly that this player

388. will never be played again.

389. Well, good. I'm glad to hear it.

390. - I gotta get to work. - Oh, wait, wait.

391. Uh... just a second, I just..

392. wanted to ask you when could we go out on our..

393. second date.

394. A second date? We didn't even have a first.

395. - Yes, we did. - No, we didn't.

396. - Yes, we did. - No, we didn't.

397. - No, we didn't. - Yes, we did.

398. No, we didn't.

399. Hey, girl. Casey, you, uh, up outta here, huh?

400. Yeah. I got a plane to catch.

401. Everything alright with you and Fancy?

402. Yeah, yeah. I was just tryin' to, you know, let her down easy.

403. She's still tryin' to..

404. Where's, uh, Adrian?

405. Adrian and I kinda broke up last night.

406. Really? Why?

407. Oh, you remember the shower incident in your room?

408. Well, it turns out that Adrian enjoyed that

409. little more than he should have.

410. I'm not saying he's not a nice guy, it's just that..

411. now he's out lookin' for another nice guy.

412. I should've known by the way he grabbed my loofah.

413. Jamie, this trip just made me realize

414. that I still have feelings for my true love.

415. Your, y-y-your true love, huh?

416. Now, what, w-what exactly do you mean when you say..

417. your true love?

418. Jamie, it's the only true love I've ever had.

419. I know it is, girl. Word up.

420. And to think, I met him again right here in this hotel.

421. Yes, you did. Right here in the Hiz House. Baby, baby!

422. Jamie, I want you to meet my true love Matt.

423. W-w-what's up, dawg?

424. Well, y'all, you know, congragagations.

425. Just wanna go take a little... warm shower.

426. Let the water just trickle down the back of my..

427. Jamie, Jamie, wait. Wait. Wait, Jamie.

428. - Hey, man. What is goin' on? - Wait, let me explain.

429. What you doin' in my shower, huh?

430. The plumbing is backed up again

431. and your room is the only one with running water, okay?

432. Ja..

433. - What? - Uh... hey, Fancy.

434. - How you doin'? - I don't even wanna know.

435. - Uh-huh. - Yo, Francesca. Let me explain.

436. He swallowed a gang of bubblegum.

437. Bad dog.