The Jamie Foxx Show 1x20

1. 'Hey.'

2. Hey and how are you doin', officer?

3. Can I help you out with somethin'?

4. Uh, donuts, bear claws, zingers?

5. Actually, uh, I came to pick up my honey bun.

6. Is, uh, Francesca, here?

7. Yeah, well.. So, uh.. So, uh..

8. So-so you and I, you know, Fancy..

9. Ya'll, uh, you-you know?

10. Well, yeah, I guess you can say, we, uh..

11. we-we, you know?

12. That's so sad, you know. She passed away yesterday.

13. Passed away.

14. You know, you don't expect these to happen but they just

15. you know, death just snatches them from you..

16. Nah, nah, now, that's absolutely ridiculous, man.

17. I just talked to her five minutes ago on the telephone.

18. 'Oh, okay.'

19. Oh.

20. Jamie, I see you've met, Morris.

21. Yeah, yeah. I met him. I mean, you know..

22. But what kind of name is that for a brother?

23. Morris?

24. What kind of name is Jamie for a man?

25. Uh, okay, guys.

26. That's-That's enough.

27. Well, Jamie, thanks for covering my shift, alright?

28. Oh, so I'm covering your shift just so you can go out

29. with a cop blocker?

30. Jamie, Morris is taking me on a ride to show me

31. what a police officer's daily routine is like.

32. Oh, I see, well, you know what? You should have told me.

33. I could have, you know, cut the time down

34. I know what they do, they..

35. First, they go to Dunkin' Donuts..

36. .. then, after that, they beat-up a couple of helpless brothers.

37. And if they have enough time left

38. they throw gloves in people's backyards.

39. Very funny. Let me ask you something, Jamie.

40. What exactly do you do?

41. You see, you just walked in, don't you?

42. You see the infrastructure and all the creativity

43. in all of the artistic-ness that has went into this?

44. You better recognize, partner.

45. This.. It takes skills to do that.

46. Uh-huh. Recognize it, young man.

47. Oh, there you are, Jamie.

48. Honey, some dogs got in the garbage

49. out back again, so I need you

50. to go out there and clean up the mess.

51. Here.

52. - Ah, you be-you be kiddin'.. - Sure.

53. Is that the job that requires skills?

54. Well, you know, uh..

55. You know, you had to start somewhere, you know?

56. But I just tried to clean up the streets

57. since you ain't doin' it.

58. Alright. We're going now.

59. Come on, now. Come on.

60. I guess I'll start..

61. cleanin' out the trash, right, man?

62. Hey, thank you, for stayin' at the Kings Towers.

63. Once you go black..

64. Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!

65. Unc, what-what-what's wrong?

66. I finally get the boot off my car, right?

67. Now, I get a $300 parking ticket, Jamie.

68. Yeah, but, unc... unc

69. you can't park in handicap parkin' space.

70. What's wrong with that? They park in ours.

71. Hey. Have either of you guys seen, Braxton?

72. He was supposed to make a bank deposit for me

73. by 4 o'clock today.

74. Well, baby, you know, I can go

75. and make that deposit at the bank down for you.

76. Junior, this money needs to go to the bank

77. not the bookie.

78. Helen.

79. Helen, where's the trust, baby?

80. I.. Aunt Helen, look.

81. Braxton went to get a bite to eat.

82. If you want me to, I'll take it down there.

83. Oh, that is so sweet, Jamie

84. but that's okay, I'll wait on Braxton.

85. Well, w-what, why..

86. Why you don't trust me? Come on.

87. - Come on. - Oh, no, no, no, baby.

88. I trust you, it's just that they know Braxton

89. down there at the bank and he already

90. has the routine down, you know?

91. Alright, that's what I'm sayin', look.

92. Shouldn't I know the routine too?

93. I mean, just in case, you know

94. Braxton has an accident like, you know

95. he chokes on his bad breath or somethin'?

96. Jamie.

97. Alright. Alright, Jamie.

98. I'm gonna let you do it this time.

99. Dame me. Dame me.

100. I knight thee, sir, bank depositor.

101. And I am knighted, therefore..

102. Alright, now, hold on. Listen to me.

103. This money has to get into the bank, today, Jamie.

104. We have a lot of bills to cover.

105. - Alright. - Can I count on you?

106. You're talkin' to Jamie King.

107. Like I said, can I count on you?

108. Alright, alright..

109. Mrs. King, I apologize for being late.

110. And I'm not making excuses when I tell you

111. I was gargling and I choked.

112. And, now, it was an unusual experience.

113. - You heard, you heard.. - Braxy, Braxy.

114. It's quite alright, It's quite alright.

115. It's okay, Jamie is gonna be handling the deposits today.

116. - Alright now, Jamie, baby? - Alright.

117. Don't you worry about a thing.

118. I want you to know, I have the utmost faith

119. and confidence in you.

120. - Therefore, you should have. - Alright.

121. - Alright. I'm on my way. - Alright, now, baby.

122. - I'm on my way. - Alright, now.

123. Alright. Now, you be careful out there.

124. Follow him.

125. What are you doin'?

126. - Why you following me? - I-I'm not following you.

127. - I'm following instructions. - "Followin' instructions."

128. Besides, this is not the branch

129. where we normally make our deposits.

130. I knew that, but they got some

131. nice ladies that work here..

132. - Hey, oh, my goodness! - Next.

133. Oh.

134. How may I help you?

135. How may you help me?

136. Let me count the ways

137. to... turn around.

138. - Jamie! - What?

139. This is a bank, not a brothel.

140. Now, stop that and lets..

141. Alright, man. Well, just, let me take care of this, alright?

142. Look, as I was sayin', young tender, uh..

143. I have a rather sizeable deposit

144. I like to put in your.. Th..

145. What the hell?

146. Well, don't tease me. Give it to me.

147. Go ahead, Jamie. Give it to him.

148. Uh, look, what happened to the girl

149. that was right here just a minute ago.

150. Oh, well, she's on a break.

151. What can I do for you?

152. I'd like to make a deposit. I, uh..

153. Straight manly deposit.

154. Well, then, I'll need to see three forms of ID.

155. Need wh-what?

156. Bank procedure.

157. See, if we had gone to the regular branch

158. we could have been in and out and back at the hotel now.

159. - Now, look at— - The.. Well, j-just hold on.

160. Just-just let me take care of this.

161. Listen, uh, when is-when is..

162. the other girl coming back in?

163. Well, you shouldn't be concerned with her..

164. I'm hitting that.

165. Alright, everybody down! Hands where I can see them.

166. - Break yourself, fool. - Get down, get down.

167. Move! Move! Move! Come on.

168. Nobody move! Nobody get hurt!

169. I want all the money and your jewelry, okay?

170. What in tarnation?

171. Yo, white and nerdy, on the floor, now!

172. Hurry up! Look, I want all the money!

173. You make sure they put all the money in the bag, I even

174. want the money from the gumball machine!

175. Come on, we only got ten seconds left! Let's move!

176. What's that sound?

177. What's that sound?

178. It's the sound of the police. Is this your first time?

179. None of your business, but since you've got

180. such a smart mouth, get over here.

181. Uh..

182. Come on, I.. You don't do this now.

183. You probably got your hand in there or somethin' like that.

184. W-w-what you got? A cap gun or somethin'?

185. - Yeah, a cap gun. - Oh, Lord Jesus, have mercy.

186. So, uh, Helen, those boys didn't make it back yet?

187. No, Junior! And I'm gettin' worried.

188. Because the bank closed

189. an hour ago. Oh, Fancy?

190. Are you and Morris gonna be around for dinner?

191. Uh, no, Mrs. King, I just got a call

192. there's a 2-11 in progress

193. at a bank South of Wilshire, so I gotta go.

194. Uh, I'm sorry, Morris

195. we don't speak cop-onics.

196. Mr. King, he says there's a bank robbery in progress.

197. - Right. - Which bank, Morris?

198. Because I sent Jamie and Braxton

199. down there to make a deposit.

200. Oh, don't worry, Mrs. King. It's not our branch.

201. - Oh, thank goodness! - Now, really.

202. I do have to go. I'm a hostage negotiator.

203. - Alright, be careful, Morris. - Bye, baby.

204. So, uh, Helen, turn on that TV.

205. We need a little excitement around here.

206. Maybe, somebody will get shot.

207. Junior!

208. It's somethin' that excites me.

209. And I don't care what you do. Have a blood test.

210. I know it's not mine.

211. Cronkite and Jennings, we were all in the room.

212. It was dark.

213. I've seen you around town with Geraldo too.

214. Raise up off of me, you trick.

215. Oh. Uh..

216. You know how those groupies can try and gank you.

217. Anyway, I'm Tyrone Koppel and..

218. It's all good.

219. We have a special news report.

220. A bank robbery in progress on Florence and Normandie

221. is happening, as we speak.

222. Now, you may recall... where this is.

223. This is where Reginald Denny, caught his beatdown.

224. Let's go there live.

225. Alright, you got our list of demands.

226. You got three hours or else, everybody is gonna get it

227. starting with these two punks.

228. Hey, Aunt Helen, please help me.

229. There's somethin' about this bank

230. that just really isn't working for me.

231. Help me.

232. Look, girl, you watch everybody over here.

233. I'm goin' over there, alright?

234. Alright. Alright.

235. - Psst. Jamie? - Yeah.

236. Look, I've been thinkin' about what we should do.

237. Right. Right. Right. That's a good idea.

238. Thinkin'. Good idea.

239. What's up? What do you think?

240. I think we should try and get out of here.

241. That's once.

242. Exactly what I was thinking, we should try

243. to get out of this place. How you gonna do that?

244. Well, I haven't figured that part out, yet.

245. But I'm workin' on it.

246. Alright, look, t-this is what we do.

247. You charge the girls and take their guns.

248. While you distractin' them, I'mma go get help.

249. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. No, no, no. Wait.

250. Shh.

251. Now, why can't it be the other way around?

252. You're right. Look.

253. I'll go get help, you charge the girls

254. and take their guns.

255. Thank you. That's much better.

256. Cool.

257. - Why do.. Wait.. No, no, no. - Shh-shh!

258. Stop moving! No talking.

259. I'm tryin' to figure a way to get outta here!

260. And it's gettin' hot up in here.

261. Uh, I don't mean to get into your..

262. I don't want any, I don't want any..

263. Just easy there, hair-trigger.

264. I don't mean to get into your business or anythin' like that

265. but if I see your face, I can identify you.

266. Not from the morgue you can't.

267. Did I-did I say, I had cataracts in both eyes?

268. I can't-I can't see a thing, girl.

269. 'Sit your ass down!'

270. Ass sitting down.

271. Georgia!

272. - Georgia! - 'Shut up!'

273. What are you lookin' at?

274. 'You inside the bank. I wanna make a deal.'

275. 'I'm coming in, and I'm unarmed.'

276. Alright. But don't try nothin' I'm warning you, I'm on edge.

277. Come on.

278. Jamie, that's, uh, Francesca's friend.

279. What? Okay.

280. H-hey, yo, what's up, man? It's Jamie..

281. Hold on! Hold on!

282. You all know each other?

283. Oh, you're tryin' to set me up, huh?

284. Oh. No, no, no, no. We have never met.

285. Right, Morris?

286. Ah. Oh, ya'll must be undercover cops.

287. Girl, come over here and frisk them!

288. On second thought, I'm gonna frisk him

289. 'cause he got it goin' on.

290. Hey, I got it goin' on too. I've been workin' on too.

291. 'Oh, shut up. I can't tell.'

292. The only thing big is your head.

293. Now, let's go.

294. You three in the back! Go! Walk!

295. Hey.

296. Look, girl, it was all clean except for this one, right here

297. - He was packing. - Yeah, but that ain't no gun.

298. And that ain't you, either.

299. It was this money bag, you was tryin' to hide, huh?

300. Oh, yeah, yeah, about the money bag.

301. - Look, I know— - Back up, off of me!

302. Easy-easy there. Quick-trigger.

303. I know you're robbing the bank, and I ain't mad at you.

304. But that money right there is my Aunt Helen's

305. and my Uncle Junior's money, and I gotta deposit it

306. because if I don't deposit the money

307. they're gonna kill me, and I don't need that—

308. Oh. Shut up and sit down, whiner!

309. Sit down!

310. Can we get down to business here?

311. Yeah.

312. What's it gonna take to free these hostages?

313. Well, I have another list of demands.

314. Okay, let me see it.

315. Alright. Alright. I'll work with ya'll.

316. But you have to show good faith

317. and work with me too, alright?

318. You have to release one of these hostages.

319. - I don't have to do nothin'! - 'Alright.'

320. You! Get over here, lady! Hurry up!

321. Hey, uh-uh, excuse me, hold on, please, uh-uh..

322. - Back off! - Oh, absolutely. I-I—

323. - Back off! - Uh, yes, absolutely.

324. If-if you're releasing us in alphabetical order

325. I am Braxton P..

326. Artnabrig.

327. Get over there and sit down! Sit down!

328. That starts with A, I'll have you know.

329. It's... only fair.

330. Ass also starts with an A.

331. - You got 30 minutes. - Okay.

332. Or I will start shootin' hostages.

333. Alright. Come on. Come on. Let's go.

334. - Hurry up! - Yeah.

335. What up?

336. Tyrone Koppel. As you can see, I'm standing out..

337. You wanna back up?

338. Standing outside in front of the bank.

339. Safe as I wanna be.

340. Well, a team of female hoodlums are inside the bank

341. attempting to set it off.

342. Set it off, on the left

343. set it off on the right.

344. Set it off. Oh-oh.

345. - Excuse me, excuse me. - Hey, hey, hey.

346. Ho. Hey. Ho. Hey. Hey. Hey.

347. Back up off me now. You don't know me like that.

348. I'm sorry.

349. What is your dealings and why are you here?

350. Well, you see, Mr. Tyrone Koppel

351. our nephew is in there.

352. Jamie, baby, it's your Aunt Helen.

353. If you can hear me, I want you to know

354. that we are here for you!

355. I'm sure the whole damn world could hear..

356. could have heard that.

357. What about you, sir? What are you doin'?

358. Uh, can this broadcast be seen in, uh, Florida?

359. Well, sir, you're right. We are international now.

360. What do you wanna say to them?

361. Uh, just that, I'm not the Junior King

362. who used to live there during the 70's.

363. Who is this fine, young, tender, roasted skeezer here?

364. Uh, do you have any newscaster in you?

365. Uh, actually, no, I don't

366. Well, would you... like some?

367. - Say what? - Fancy, Fancy!

368. Check yourself, before you wreck yourself there.

369. Anyway, I'm Tyrone Koppel, and I won't leave until

370. the last hostage is shot.

371. I am Tyrone Big-K Koppel

372. and I don't give a damn who you are.

373. Peace. Outie.

374. Okay, she's goin' off the edge, man.

375. - Follow my lead. - Do I have any other choice?

376. Uh, look here, I was, uh, I was gonna bring this up early

377. but I'm-I'm an actor and everything like that.

378. And I have a audition I gotta go to.

379. Can I just run there, do it and come back?

380. Yeah, whatever. Go on. Go on. I'll see you when you get back.

381. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait a minute. Wait.

382. You're tryin' to trick me?

383. Get over here. Sit down and act scared.

384. Wait a minute. Wh-wh-what-what did you say?

385. Say that again.

386. I said sit down and act scared.

387. Oh, my goodness. You're perfect.

388. - You are the one. - What are you talkin' about?

389. I-I-I'm just sayin', you know what?

390. The reason I'm here is because I was, uh..

391. I'm doin' this little movie, it's a small budget

392. and everythin' and... I need a leading lady.

393. And I, it's just the way you said that.

394. I mean, I don't know if anybody's ever told you this

395. but you..

396. You know, you kinda look like Jada Pinkett.

397. - Does anyone like Jada Pinkett? - Oh, Yeah.

398. Jada, definitely Jada.

399. Oh, come on. Hasn't anybody ever told you that?

400. - Really? - Yeah, girl, come on.

401. Now, you know you've heard that before, Jada Pinkett.

402. As a matter of fact you're once, twice

403. three times the lady as Jada Pinkett.

404. Well, I did always want to get my little act on.

405. And you know what? You should.

406. Look at you.

407. It's just comin' all out of your pores, acting-ness.

408. You know, I-I was just thinkin' like this

409. we could break up the monotony.

410. Why don't you, why don't we do a scene together?

411. To see what you really got, if that's what

412. you really wanna do, alright?

413. I'll be the robber, you'll be the one

414. that's gettin' robbed.

415. - Can we? - Yeah.

416. Just, you know? Hand me the gun.

417. Alright. Cool.

418. Cool?

419. Action.

420. Oh! Please, don't shoot me. Please.

421. Cut. I got you now.

422. - No, I got you. - What you want me to do.

423. I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to blow off a pinky toe

424. or something up here, huh, huh?

425. Yo, but you know, that scene went real good

426. and everything..

427. Shut up, punk, did you really think

428. that I would give you a loaded gun, huh?

429. Did you? Now, sit your butt down.

430. So, how do we know that gun is real?

431. Shoot him!

432. You know what? Shut up before I shoot the both of you.

433. 'Okay.'

434. 'I've got some of the things you asked for.'

435. You better have all the things I asked for!

436. Or I will peel a cap on everybody in here

437. I ain't playin'

438. - Bro-ham. - What?

439. - We're in the clear. - What do you mean?

440. We're not wearing caps.

441. Maybe, we should just give up.

442. Look, I ain't givin' up nothin', as a matter of fact

443. I'm gonna make an example out of one of ya'll.

444. Who's the bank manager?

445. Hi, can I help you?

446. Yeah, so, it's you, huh?

447. Come on, over here.

448. - Please. - 'Hurry up!'

449. Please. I'm..

450. Ouch.

451. I beg of you. Please. D-don't kill me.

452. I have a wife and three children at home.

453. You got a what?

454. Lacresha, I-I can explain.

455. Wait a minute.

456. You better explain why you're

457. robbing this bank?

458. Well, you need to explain

459. about your wife and kids.

460. I thought you said you love me.

461. Oh, come on, Lacresha.

462. You know, guys just say that to get the draws.

463. What in the hell is goin' on here?

464. I can tell you what's goin' on.

465. You see, they were both gonna sell you out.

466. Row you down a river, see.

467. They're gonna lead you down the pathway..

468. of sin and inequity.

469. - They were, huh? - Right.

470. - Good lookin' out, gee. - Cool.

471. Just for that, I'm gonna kill you last.

472. Lacresha, trickery girl.

473. - You sold me out? - That's right.

474. - You sold her out. - Shut up!

475. I'm just tryin' to say what you did.

476. See, girl, now, I'm about to take you both out.

477. Now!

478. Break yourself, Lacrenshaw.

479. Who's got the gun now, huh?

480. You ain't so tough without a gun, huh?

481. - Oh, thank God! Get him! - Freeze!

482. Hey, hey. Look here, partner. You got the wrong person.

483. That's what they all say, punk.

484. Alright, you guys are free. Go on and get out of here. Go.

485. - I'm tellin' you, you— - On your knees, man.

486. I'm on my knees, baby, but you got the wrong person.

487. What the hell you got on? Sit down. Sit down.

488. - Shut up, man. - Alright. I understand.

489. But you got the wrong person, man.

490. - J-just listen to me. - No. No. No. No.

491. They're all right, guys. They're with us.

492. Take these two, right here.

493. Go on, outside.

494. Man, good thing you came when you did. God.

495. I was feelin' young and restless.

496. You know, it all worked out, I gotta give you your props

497. you know, comin' through and everything.

498. Yeah. Well, I gotta give you your props too, you know.

499. - Thanks, man, I appreciate— - Like, yeah.

500. We clean up the streets together, right?

501. - Cool. Okay? - Uh-huh.

502. I know this is crazy, but..

503. Do you ever think about havin' a partner?

504. A partner? Yeah, uh, no, unh-unh.

505. I mean, if that's cool, then, why don't we, uh..

506. I don't know, go do something actually.

507. - Like what? - Let's go get some donuts, man.

508. Hey, you know what, that's a plan.

509. Uh, Jamie, Morris.

510. I, uh, you know the donuts, I-I eat them.

511. Fruit juice sweetened, you know, I..

512. I don't tend to eat the deep fried, you know.

513. The fat content is not very good..

514. There he is, my hero.

515. Stop.

516. You know, if you'd gone down to the right bank

517. like I told you, none of this would have happened.

518. Yeah, that is true, but if I didn't go to this bank

519. then I wouldn't have gotten the key to the city

520. and these other keys.

521. What are those for?

522. Uh, well, since, uh, my name and my face

523. is in the papers, the groupies have checked it out

524. and they're catching the vapors.

525. Ladums.

526. Bent Dawg.