The Jamie Foxx Show 1x17

1. You know, I still can't believe it was Mr. King's idea

2. to drive up the coast of Santa Barbara.

3. Who knew he was so romantic?

4. 'Scuse me.

5. Well, uh, Fancy, maybe you didn't know this

6. but, uh, romance runs in our family tree.

7. Well, they must have cut off your branch

8. and used it for firewood.

9. But, you know, these logs burn all night long.

10. Anyone for Weenie Roast?

11. Be careful with the bags now, Helen.

12. You don't want to break my bottle of English pleather.

13. Well, Junior..

14. you could help me.

15. Well, now, baby, now we flipped a coin

16. and you lost.

17. Hey, look here, Aunt Helen, Uncle Junior

18. I want you guys to go out on your vacation

19. have a great time.

20. Don't worry about a thing here.

21. I'm gonna be taking care of everything

22. because I'm in charge.

23. - I? - Don't you mean "we?"

24. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, of course.

25. "We," I wouldn't want to exclude you guys.

26. You know what time it is.

27. It's time for us to leave, Helen.

28. Alright. Well, wait.

29. - Remember, Jamie.. - Right.

30. No guest gets in here

31. unless they have an ID and a credit card.

32. - Right, yeah. I got that. ID.. - And a credit card.

33. ID, credit card. I got it.

34. Now, while I'm gone

35. I don't want any wild parties.

36. It's business as usual, alright.

37. Jamie, don't let me come back here

38. and see some half-naked woman running around here.

39. That's right. She better be completely naked.

40. These fools must not want our money.

41. Who banging on the bell?

42. Westside!

43. Oh, stop. Ice Cube.

44. Man, Ice Cube. You know who you are, dawg? Ice Cube.

45. What's up, man? You in charge, homie?

46. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. I'm-I'm, I'm in charge.

47. Jamie King, man. Nice to meet you.

48. Mack 10. Man, what's up, man?

49. WC, baby.

50. Man, If I had known y'all was coming, man

51. I'd been sagging a little further.

52. Ain't like that. We ain't trippin'.

53. - It's all good, homie. - Cool, cool. What's up, man?

54. You know who you are?

55. Hey, Jamie, what's going on?

56. Do I need to call security?

57. No, man. You ain't got to call security.

58. This is the Westside Connection, man. Westside Connection..

59. Y'all didn't even call me to let me know y'all was coming down.

60. This is Mack 10 Inglewood, always up to no good.

61. You know what I'm sayin', WC, what's up?

62. And everybody knows Ice Cube.

63. - Hi. Welcome. - Yeah.

64. Hey, nice to see you. Welcome to the Kings' Tower.

65. Mmm. Thank you.

66. Hey, this you, homie?

67. Uh, well-well, you know..

68. player to player.

69. Hold up, hold up, hold up.

70. She looking good, homie.

71. I think you need some handcuffs for her.

72. Uh, uh, uh, hey, hey, hey, Fancy, ca-calm down.

73. - You all over the man. - But, Jamie, I..

74. Calm down. You know, act like you done seen somebody.

75. What can I do for you, Cube?

76. Alright, now check it out.

77. We see you got that ballroom over there, you know.

78. We throwing a little get-together for the homies.

79. So, you know we were just wondering could we get in there?

80. It'd be real cool if you can give us a couple of rooms

81. to kick-in, you know what I'm sayin'?

82. Hey, Mack, hey, Mack 10. It ain't no..

83. It ain't no thing, dawg. We got plenty of space, dawg.

84. Uh..

85. Jamie, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

86. You know the ballroom can only be booked a week in advance.

87. But, Braxton, if word gets out that Ice Cube is here

88. it's going to mean a lot of business for us.

89. And besides, he's Ice Cube.

90. So he says.

91. Now, I'm sorry, Mr. Cubicles, uh..

92. Mack Donald's and..

93. WC Fields, but I..

94. I have to see some identification.

95. We ain't got no identification.

96. - Wh-where's your ID. - Ah, ah!

97. I will have you know

98. I have a yellow belt in hopkido.

99. Hey, hey, hey, Cube, don't break him off right now, man, please.

100. Hey, Mack 10, I'm sure, you carry the credit cards, dawg.

101. Credit cards? Man, I'm a hustler.

102. I ain't got no credit.

103. Well, see, he's hustling.

104. At least he's doing something.

105. Hey, what y'all got then?

106. Fool, what's happening with you?

107. Oh, don't set it off. Don't set it off.

108. Don't set it off.

109. Don't set it off.

110. Whoo! Don't set it off.

111. Don't set it off.

112. I don't know. What's wrong with you? Y'all don't take cash?

113. Oh-ho.

114. Hey, you know what? Yes, of course.

115. I saw the movie. You know, "Set It Off".

116. I thought you were going really to set it off.

117. - What you doing, man? - Hey, al-alright, alright.

118. Look, that'll cover it. That'll cover it. Look.

119. Let me go get your keys, man.

120. 'Alright.'

121. Hey, here you go. here you go.

122. Oh, uh..

123. I'll, uh, show you to your rooms.

124. Uh, uh, w-why you gotta do that?

125. The rooms already got numbers on 'em.

126. Hey, you need to, uh, check out the party later.

127. It's going to be off the hook.

128. Ooh! I'd love to.

129. Uh-uh, Fancy, what the hell?

130. Hey, I got a couple of homies with me. Can I call 'em?

131. - Oh, ain't no problem. - Alright.

132. Westside!

133. Uh, uh..

134. Hold, hold on, man.

135. Hey, uh..

136. W-wait, uh..

137. Hey, did you say Westside or West Coast?

138. Junior, what are we doin' here?

139. You said we were coming up here to visit one of your friends.

140. We did, baby. He's right up front.

141. 'He's the one who's about to take a dirt nap.'

142. 'Oh, honey, yes.'

143. - Hallelujah. - 'Hallelujah.'

144. Hallelujah, you don't hear me, children.

145. Children, you don't hear me.

146. Hallelujah.

147. Hallelujah.

148. Yeah, now as you all may know.

149. Hm-hmm.

150. I am the Reverend Alize.

151. - 'Yeah, yeah.' - Hmm.

152. And I just want to say to you today..

153. 'Yeah, huh?'

154. That we're not here for matrimony.

155. 'No.'

156. - No, we're not. - 'No.'

157. We're not here for devilment.

158. No. No.

159. We're not here for magicious-ness.

160. No.

161. Maliciousness.

162. No.

163. Ventriloquism.

164. No, we aren't. No.

165. - We're not here for that. - No.

166. - We're here for the death.. - Mm-hmm.

167. - ... of a man. - Hm-hmm.

168. - There's "Def Comedy Jam." - Yeah, yeah.

169. - There's Def Leppard. - Yeah, yes.

170. I know you listen to Blues.

171. But this church is the death... of a man.

172. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

173. Now he wasn't a very nice man

174. but I ain't tryin'

175. to get into no

176. he-say... she-say..

177. type stuff.

178. 'Cause, I mean, he could have been cloudy as Kahlua

179. but Jesus..

180. Jesus made him clear as vodka.

181. Aha, yeah.

182. - Whoo! - Jamie.

183. - Jamie, come here. - Hey, what's up?

184. Give me, give me some money. I need some tips.

185. This party is rapidly getting out of hands.

186. I know, hey girl..

187. I know, man. Ain't it the greatest?

188. And to think Aunt Helen and Uncle Junior

189. won't be back for another couple of days.

190. - Jamie.. - Oh, man.

191. this is not good.

192. We must get some order.

193. I mean, Francesca's over there

194. having the time of her life with that rapscallion.

195. What?

196. Hold on.

197. So tell me, is it really like that in the hood?

198. I mean, what's it like?

199. It's kind of hard, you know

200. but we got to do what we got to do.

201. Oh, you're so brave.

202. - Yeah. - I like that.

203. Excuse me. Cube, can I holler at you, you know, player to player?

204. Uh, excuse me, purple rain.

205. - Keep it warm, baby. - Alright.

206. What? What? I know you ain't hatin'.

207. Hey, hey. I just want to take care of you, man, you know.

208. I know you got a reputation and everything like that. See?

209. There's some things I've been wanting to tell you, man.

210. I didn't know how to break it down to you.

211. Before the operation right..

212. Fancy used to be named Frank.

213. I'm serious, man. Look at the Adam's apple.

214. Look right at the Adam's apple.

215. So, I-I mean, but unless you down with that

216. I mean, if that's the way you know... you roll..

217. You know, if you think that's..

218. Hell, no, dude. Hey, thanks for looking out for me.

219. Ain't no thing, you know.

220. Hey, what are you guys talkin' about?

221. Hey..

222. I just got to get ready for the show, that's all.

223. Oh.

224. I'll catch you later, Frank.

225. Frank?

226. Frank, that-that's another name

227. like, you know, hot, uh, tight.

228. You-you Frank, girl. You Frank.

229. You Frank!

230. But death snuck up on him. Understand me?

231. Like the IRS snuck up on me at the bell of my church.

232. Now I want everybody to look

233. back to the neighbor and just say, "Alize".

234. 'Alize.'

235. Now I think we should all just bow our heads and pray.

236. Junior, this is ridiculous.

237. You go on up there and say your peace

238. and then as Jamie would say, let's peace out.

239. Look, it's okay if you get a little emotional.

240. Emotional? Please.

241. I just want to get my gold watch off of his wrist.

242. Junior, the watch I gave you for our anniversary?

243. You told me you lost that watch.

244. I did, baby, in a poker game.

245. And Raymond said the only way I'd get it back

246. was over his dead body.

247. Junior, sit down. Sit down.

248. I don't think you heard me, children.

249. I don't think you heard me.

250. - Hallelujah. - 'Hallelujah.'

251. Jesus, the death had snuck up on this man

252. like a hoodlum with a colt 0.45

253. with nothing but badness on his mind.

254. - Alright! - Hallelujah!

255. Hallelujah!

256. I want you to turn to your neighbor behind you

257. and say, "Don't let the smooth taste fool you."

258. "Don't let the smooth taste fool you."

259. We gonna take time.

260. Take time out..

261. for his loving wife..

262. to come forward

263. and say some beautiful words.

264. Come forward, sister.

265. Uh-oh.

266. Junior, this is not how I plan

267. to spend my afternoon. Come on.

268. But, baby, my watch.

269. Junior, it wasn't real gold, anyway.

270. - Come on. - What?

271. Now, uh, oh, now, alright now, ladies.

272. I don't want y'all to set it off now.

273. Don't set it off, sister.

274. Don't you set it off.

275. I'll tell you what? You go start the car while I call Jamie.

276. You're takin' me home.

277. Oh, Helen.

278. The King's Tower.

279. - Jamie.. - Uh-oh.

280. Goodness, what is all that noise?'

281. Uh, uh, noise? Uh, You know what?

282. Uh, uh, a church choir, uh, just came in

283. and they-they heavenly, uh, uh, listen.

284. Who in the hell left the gate open?

285. Yeah.

286. It sounds more like a party to me

287. but I know that ain't the case, right, Jamie?

288. Uh, uh, uh, ain't no, ain't no..

289. Ain't nobody partying.

290. I'm insulted, uh, Aunt Helen

291. 'cause you know I'm a Christian man.

292. I'm just trying to walk the straight and narrow.

293. Alright, well, look..

294. I just called to tell you we've had a change of plans.

295. Hey, Cube, how we do it on the Westside?

296. 'Westside.'

297. Jamie, what is that?

298. Uh, uh-uh, that was just a-a-a customer.

299. He just checked in, uh..

300. Yes, sir, the-the ice cubes are on the West side

301. of the building.

302. Yeah, he's great, uh, look, look, Aunt Helen, look.

303. just take your time and-and enjoy yourself

304. and I will see you on Monday.

305. Monday? Honey, you'll see us in about two hours.

306. Say what? Two hours?

307. Yeah, two hours, because as far as I'm concerned

308. this trip is dead.

309. Damn.

310. So am I.

311. Sing it.

312. Aha!

313. Throwing up the "W". Ah, ah, ah.

314. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

315. Uh, excuse me there, uh, workers

316. but I got a few problems on my hands.

317. Because I am not a hater like you

318. bow down to a player greater than you.

319. Ah..

320. Ah..

321. Yes, Jamie, Westside Connection

322. gave me a few hip-hop tips.

323. Well, Mr. Hip-hopper, I got a couple of tips for you.

324. Aunt Helen and Uncle Junior are on their way back right now.

325. - What? - What?

326. Yeah, Mr. Gangsta wannabe.

327. So, King, what are you going to do about it, huh?

328. Westside. Whoo.

329. O-oh, so you just going to sell me out like that, huh?

330. Well, I ain't scared of Westside or the connection.

331. I'll just shut it down. That's what I'll do.

332. I'll shut it down. You-you-you believe me?

333. You ain't got to believe me.

334. What's up, dawg?

335. Every.. Hey!

336. Ho!

337. Hey!

338. Ho!

339. Oh, yeah, yeah. We got to give it up for the homeboy Jamie

340. for letting us put it down the West way.

341. Alright, alright, alright.

342. Westside, Westside, Westside.

343. It's-it's-it's.. Whoo-weep-ha!

344. - Gettin' late. Gettin' late. - That's right, y'all.

345. It's gettin' late, so we're gonna check y'all out

346. at the after-party. We out.

347. Right. Great idea, Dub.

348. Let's go to the after-party, man.

349. Let's go to.. Hey, yo, Dub.

350. Uh, where the after-party at, Dub?

351. Upstairs, in the presidential suite.

352. Right, right, let's just everybody just gather up

353. get your stuff together 'cause it's late and everythin'.

354. Go on upstairs, alright, to the presidential suite.

355. W-wait, we ain't got no presidential suite.

356. W-wait... Oh, no!

357. What the hell?

358. They done put a hole in the wall, man?

359. Why y'all want to get the "Shawshank Redemption" on?

360. It's tight, huh?

361. Man, look, I don't even know how you

362. got a hole in the wall.

363. Oh, it ain't nothin', you know, Mack 10 used to be an architect

364. back in the hood, you know.

365. Cool, cool, cool. No problem.

366. Yeah, you know the Forum in Inglewood?

367. It's all me, homeboy.

368. That's the house Mack built.

369. - Hey, Cube, come on. - Respect, man. Respect.

370. Move, man. Cube, check this out.

371. Hey, hey, hey, hold on, man.

372. Cube, hey, man.

373. I know Ebonics, man.

374. We ain't got no Jacuzzi.

375. Dub used to be a plumber, too.

376. We're going to shoot you the bill, punk.

377. - Jamie, time is running out. - Man, I know.

378. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you did say that

379. your aunt and uncle are on their way back, right?

380. I know, I know, and I'm trying to get these fools

381. out of here, man.

382. I got an idea.

383. Oh, my God. Feel it! It's got to be a 7.2.

384. It's an earthquake. Everybody run for their lives!

385. Yo, B-man, you gotta help me. I don't know what to do, dawg.

386. I know, home-bro. Allow me to try it.

387. I remember this once in a movie.

388. Five-O is in the hiz-ouse!

389. Yo, check it out, man. Thanks for letting us kick it.

390. But we got to break. We got warrants, baby.

391. Braxton, Braxton, Braxton.

392. Good morning, all.

393. A very good morning.

394. Ooh, your trip must have been pretty good.

395. Oh, well, it didn't start out so great

396. but see we, uh..

397. Oh, why don't you tell them, pooh bear?

398. Alright.

399. Well, cocoa puff here was pretty mad at me

400. when we left the funeral.

401. Um-hmm.

402. The funeral?

403. Oh, girl, it's a long story

404. but, anyway, on the way home

405. the beauty of the California coast just overwhelmed me.

406. Yeah.

407. And we remembered

408. how lucky we were to have each other.

409. Oh, yeah.

410. So we parked the car

411. and we re-consummated our wedding vows.

412. Now, how'd things go here?

413. When I talked to Jamie, I got the feeling

414. something was wrong.

415. - No. - Oh, no, um..

416. Everything was just fine. Right, Braxton?

417. Uh, I-I would say so.

418. - Everything looks fine to me. - Yeah.

419. Well, good, good, good.

420. So where is Jamie?

421. - Jamie? - Jamie?

422. Yeah, Jamie.

423. Oh, Jamie.

424. Uh, he finally got around to doing

425. those little fix-ups that you've been asking him to do.

426. Ah, you see there, Helen?

427. See that I told you the boy was maturing.

428. He just needed a chance to prove himself.

429. Well, I guess you were right.

430. I tell you what. Let's go surprise him. Come on, y'all.

431. Oh, it will be a surprise.

432. Oh, whoo!

433. Oh, hey, hey, how y'all doing? Um..

434. W-w-welcome home. Welcome home.

435. I was going to surprise you with the wallpaper

436. and everything like that, but I guess

437. Braxton and Fancy couldn't keep a secret.

438. Boy, I've been trying to get you

439. to do something like this for months.

440. Helen, you see, we should have gone out of town before.

441. As a matter of fact, unc, you know, you should..

442. You should go out of town right now.

443. I hear Martha's vineyard is balmy.

444. Wait, wait, wait a minute, baby.

445. We want to tell you how proud we are of you

446. for keeping the hotel running so smoothly.

447. As a matter of fact we're proud of all of you.

448. - That's right. - Great, great, great.

449. I'll tell you what. Why don't you guys go ahead, you know?

450. Let me go ahead and finish this, you know.

451. I wanna knock this all out.

452. Wow, Helen, look how smooth this wallpaper is?

453. Give me five on that, dawg, alright?

454. You-you like dancing.

455. Look, uh, I tell you what?

456. Whenever I start on some stuff

457. I always like to finish it.

458. Since when?

459. Uh, Jamie, I just want to say that I'm really impressed.

460. Junior, honey, let's let the boy finish if he wants to. Come on.

461. But, Helen, he's been doing so much hard work

462. around here, the least I can do is hang up this picture.

463. I tell you what, unc.. This whole picture thing..

464. There's something about it, it just..

465. It really doesn't work for me.

466. Oh, but, Jamie, honey, I love this picture up there.

467. - Go ahead, Junior. - But, I-I..

468. - Okay, okay. - Uncle Junior.

469. Well, uh..

470. Welcome to the... Presidential suite.

471. Jamie, I told you, boy!

472. 'Jamie!'

473. I'm Tyrone Koppel.

474. Certain portions of this episode

475. may have been hard for you to understand

476. such as the language.

477. That's why I'm offering this

478. Hooked on Ebonics for the slang impaired.

479. You'll be able to comprehend sentences like this

480. Chiz-illin' in the hiz-ouse.

481. Big bolla shot calla.

482. Hottie.

483. Hoochie.

484. That's right, send $19.95 to me

485. Tyrone Koppel, peace is out.

486. Bent dawg.