The Jamie Foxx Show 1x15

1. Hey, hey. Hey, Fancy, Fancy, look.

2. I'm-I'm sorry, I'm late and everything, I was..

3. Oh, my goodness, Lord, have mercy.

4. I was, uh, just gettin' over my fear of flying.

5. You know, if we would ever crash over seas

6. I could use your seat as a floatation device.

7. Unh.. What you doin' tonight?

8. Too bad, Jamie, she's leaving first thing in the morning.

9. Why don't you finish up smashing up those cans

10. so you can afford a flight?

11. Oh, okay. Do I detect a little turbulence in here?

12. - Ha ha ha. - Uh, hah! Your room key—

13. Uh, let me ask you somethin', uh, there, sweetness.

14. Uh, really brown sugarness, um..

15. Do flight attendants ever just, you know

16. get like a cold all of a sudden?

17. Oh, you gonna get me sick too.

18. Are you suggesting a weekend lay over?

19. Oh, well, uh, you must be kin to Dionne Warwick.

20. 'Cause you was readin' my mind.

21. Oh, sneezy-poozy, bless your whole body.

22. So, what's the plan?

23. Well, what the plan is, is that

24. I will pick you up at 8 o'clock.

25. We'll take the 9-11

26. and then we'll switch and take the 3-25.

27. Oh, you have a Porsche and a BMW.

28. No, I'm talkin' about the Crenshaw bus.

29. See-see, what we do is take the 9-11 first down Wilshire

30. then we get on the 3-25..

31. Drop us right off in front of the Red Onion.

32. Bus? You're joking, you're joking, right?

33. I envisioned a two-seater, not a 42-seater.

34. Thank you, but I don't date guys without cars.

35. Hold on, maybe we can, you know..

36. Maybe we can get some, uh, you know..

37. You know, a cab ride or somethin', you know?

38. I just realized something, Jamie.

39. What's that?

40. You can't drive the ladies crazy

41. if you've got nothing to drive.

42. Oh!

43. Yeah, you're right, you're right, 'cause if I was drivin'

44. I'd probably drive into somethin'

45. and get out of control and just..

46. Vroo-vroo-vroom!

47. I got to have a car that's fly.

48. Yeah, well your Uncle Junior's first car was fly.

49. And then one day the axle broke

50. and it flew right off the freeway.

51. - Did anybody get hurt? - Yeah.

52. The poor guy who won the car from Junior in a poker game

53. lost both his thumbs.

54. Oh, man. But he could still say, "Westside."

55. Look, Jamie, all you need, honey

56. is a practical car that works.

57. - Am I right? Tell him. - Absolutely.

58. You know, Jamie, Mrs. King makes a great point.

59. You see a car can be both practical and attractive.

60. Take for example, my 79' Nova.

61. It's also a fire hazard.

62. But do you get any girls with that?

63. No, I don't.

64. However, I will have you know.

65. There was one experience I remember it distinctly

66. on Sunset Boulevard.

67. Her name was Divine.

68. She loved my '79 Nova.

69. I remember it.

70. - What are you guys up to? - Francesca.

71. I wanted to ask you a question, please.

72. Do you find any correlation

73. between the car you drive and getting women?

74. Of course not. That would be silly and very shallow.

75. Oh, Fancy.

76. Girl, there is a young man out there waiting for you

77. in a white Mercedes.

78. Ooh, that must be Jason in his new Benz. Bye-bye.

79. Can you believe that? Women can be so superficial.

80. But we don't care about flashy cars, now, do we, Jamie?

81. Make it easy on yourself, lightbreak. Check this.

82. I'm gonna go get me a brand new car.

83. Then I'mma take that little fine flight attendant Tonya out

84. and give her a ride of her life.

85. And if she act right

86. maybe she can ride in the car, too.

87. Wassup?

88. So, you like this one, huh?

89. Oh, man, do I like this one.. I love this car, man.

90. She's a beauty.

91. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So, uh..

92. - What kind of work do you do? - Oh-oh-oh, uh..

93. I'm in entertainment, maybe you know me, man, I'm Jamie King.

94. J-J..

95. I thought that was you! You look just like yourself.

96. - Right, right. - Yeah.

97. - Yeah, I do look like me, hah. - Yeah.

98. Did you see, uh..

99. Did you see, uh, "Menace II Society?"

100. - Yea-Yeah. - Right, right, right.

101. - I-I wasn't in that. - Oh.

102. Uh, what about, "Preacher's Wife?"

103. No, no, I didn't—

104. Oh, man, I was all up in that.

105. Let me ask you a question, you know, uh..

106. - How much for the ride? - How much..

107. With as much money as you make, how do you wanna pay for it.

108. Uh-huh, yeah you're right. I-I-I uh..

109. I might pay for it cash, you know.

110. But uh, you know, I need a tax write-off.

111. Right, right, I need to..

112. So may be I need to go ahead and get one of them

113. uh, what they call 'em things? The loans.

114. - Got it. - Right. Not that I need that.

115. No, no, I understand. I understand. Tell you what..

116. Step on over my desk right over here.

117. And we'll see about gettin' you one of them

118. low, low interest loans.

119. Not that, not that you need it now.

120. - Oh! - Oh.

121. - Cristal? - Uh, no, no.

122. Just put mine on the Dixie cup. I don't need no crystal.

123. Come on, you a big time entertainer.

124. We're gonna give you the red carpet treatment.

125. Because here at Norman D Motors

126. we appreciate you shopping with the brother man

127. and not the other man.

128. Ahh, I feel what you're saying, brother.

129. - As-salaam alaikum. - Wa-alaikum salam.

130. - Hit the rock. - Alright, man.

131. Can you fill this out real quick?

132. I'll run a credit report on you.

133. Jamie King, right?

134. - Brother, the one and only. - I know it.

135. Okay. I got you right here.

136. Aye-aye-aye, aah!

137. Uh, I see you opened up a charge account in Terrell, Texas

138. at the Piggly Wiggly.

139. - Credit line $50. - Fifty-fifty dollars.

140. Right, right, right, but uh..

141. You know they bumped that up to $75.

142. - I ain't mad at you. - Ha ha ha.

143. But with less than $3000 in your bank account..

144. I'd say you were wasting my time.

145. Oh, yeah, I see it from over here. Uh..

146. Well, you know, m-m-m-my, uh..

147. All my accounts is overseas. You know, Swiss bank account.

148. - Ah-huh, overseas? - Right.

149. Since they're overseas, I'm just going to oversee your denial.

150. Hey, well, come on, you know I mean—

151. Oh-oh-oh-oh, no, my brother. You got to get your own.

152. - Wait a minute. - Next!

153. But wait a minute, what about the, you know, brother..

154. What about the brother man?

155. Better luck with the other man.

156. I don't your old car, no way.

157. I cannot believe I ain't goin' be ridin' out in this, boy.

158. Look at all that leg space, man.

159. Sometimes..

160. Sometimes it just hurts you.

161. Excuse me.

162. Sometimes it makes your head tight.

163. I could just do something crazy..

164. - Excuse me, man. - Man, if you..

165. - How you doin', brother? - I'm alright, alright.

166. - I just couldn't, you know— - You play tennis?

167. Yeah, I.. I do, uh..

168. Look, uh..

169. Were you denied?

170. Man, you know they be trippin' up in here.

171. Trippin'!

172. I might be able to help you out.

173. You see, I got a car outside I'm trying to sell and..

174. It's beautiful.

175. - Okay. Alright, after you. - Yeah, come on.

176. Oh! No, no.

177. Ah, I just purchased a little red Corvette.

178. Oh, forgive my hair, uh.. It's a convertible.

179. Jamie, I thought I told you to be practical.

180. Broham, you sold out.

181. My brother, I would never sell out, never.

182. In fact, I bought in, and there is a big..

183. difference.

184. And what's the difference?

185. Wow! Whose little red Corvette?

186. That's the difference.

187. That belongs to a bus rider formerly known as Jamie.

188. I thought you said you didn't have a car.

189. I was testing you, and you know what? You failed.

190. So does this mean you're not going to take me out at 8:00?

191. No, I ain't going to take you out at 8:00.

192. I'm taking you out at 8:05.

193. See you then.

194. Break yourself.

195. Hey, oh, oh, oh, Fiz-Nancy.

196. Uh.. I got a little free time on my hands

197. before I have to take care of a little business.

198. Want to go for a test-ride or somethin'?

199. No, and I'm sure your hands are going to be

200. all filled up with Tonya.

201. This is the captain speaking.

202. We're going to put on the seat belt sign.

203. There's a little more turbulence in here.

204. Hardly.

205. Braxton, uh, if you want a ride, you know, you can.

206. I mean, it might change your life.

207. Jamie, I am not the least bit interested in riding around

208. in your Mack mobile.

209. But if you'll take me to computer world, I'll go.

210. Alright, whatever, baby. Let's ride, baby. Little red Corvette.

211. Alright, now, let me get this straight.

212. Me and you on Monday, me and you twice on Tuesday.

213. Me and you on Wednesday which is hump day.

214. And all of y'all on Friday-day. Ha ha.

215. Jamie, you were right, the ladies are loving our car.

216. Our car? What do you mean our car? You mean my car.

217. Now get your feet off the leather.

218. Hey-hey, ladies, what..

219. Oh, my God! It's the fuzz!

220. What?

221. What should we do? What should we do?

222. Wait, wait, wait. This is brand-new.

223. Now, I got to take this back. I still got the tags on this.

224. Look, just don't, uh, don't panic.

225. Just nod and agree with everythin' I say.

226. - Alright, you got it? - Got it.

227. - Great. - Boys?

228. Uh, h-how are you doing, sir?

229. Got milk?

230. No, sir, we have some Tums and Rolaids if you get gassy.

231. Let me see your driver's license and registration.

232. Uh, yes, sir. Officer, sir, it is a very nice night

233. wouldn't you say, rather balmy?

234. - Well, yeah, definitely balmy. - Good for the skin.

235. Is this your car, Mr. King?

236. Uh..

237. Yes, sir. Not to be confused with that Rodney guy.

238. I have nothing to do with him.

239. Yeah, you probably stopped us was because we was close..

240. to the hydrant.

241. I stopped you, because the car is stolen.

242. - And you're both under arrest. - What?

243. The car is stolen, what are you talking about?

244. Now, get out the car.

245. - And kiss the asphalt. - K.. Kiss the asphalt?

246. Bro, you gonna have to give me some more options

247. 'cause I ain't gettin' out this car..

248. Oh, my Lord Jesus, why the violence?

249. Why you gotta have a gun, oh, Lord..

250. Out of the car.

251. I-I-I will not resist arrest, officer.

252. I will not resist.

253. You can't do this.

254. I went to Cornell.

255. 'Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now, you're going to county.'

256. 'Now, shut up. And turn to the right.'

257. 'Next!'

258. Ay, look here, dawg. Y'all-y'all got another number?

259. You know, I ain't down with the 6-6-6.

260. 'Turn to the right.'

261. Oh, alright, uh..

262. Hey, you think I can get some copies of these?

263. I think that I just saw Jamie and Braxton

264. in the back of a car.

265. - Was it a red car? - Nah, it was black and white.

266. But it had a red light on top.

267. Well, Junior, why didn't you go and make sure it was them?

268. Now, Helen, you know my car hasn't been registered since

269. The Commodores broke up.

270. Uh, Mrs. King, I'm sure it wasn't them.

271. Knowing Jamie, they're just riding around

272. havin' a good time.

273. This is outrageous.

274. I will have you know that my taxes pay your salary!

275. Sit down.

276. This is all your fault.

277. All to impress a woman.

278. - Thanks. - You should've..

279. You've got something on your face.

280. - Where? - I-it's right..

281. - Right, yeah. - Right here?

282. - Yeah, mm-hmm. - What?

283. You almost got.. You knocked it over here.

284. - It's here. - Oh.

285. 'It's over there.'

286. You-you know, you're pushing it all up in your forehead.

287. - It's on your forehead, get it. - What, here?

288. - Yeah, that's.. Yeah, just.. - What is this?

289. - What is it, lint? - Mm-hmm.

290. Is it gone?

291. You ever see "101 Dalmatians?"

292. - Okay, now I'm worried. - I know.

293. I paged Jamie four times, and he hasn't even called back yet.

294. King's Tower.

295. Fancy, it's me.

296. Jamie! Where are you? I've been paging you 911.

297. Well, you should have asked for me there.

298. 'Cause that's where I am.

299. What, do you mean are you.. Jamie—

300. Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Look, look, look.

301. Me and Braxton are in jail, alright?

302. - We need $2,000 bail. - Well, what happened?

303. Don't worry about what happened

304. just worry about what's gonna happen

305. if you don't get down here and get that $2,000 for us.

306. Now, whatever you do, don't rat me out

307. with Aunt Helen and Uncle Junior, alright?

308. - Don't worry, I won't. - Alright.

309. - A car crash? What, what? - What happened, honey?

310. Oh my God. Jamie and Braxton are in jail.

311. King's tower.

312. Didn't I tell you not to rat me out?

313. I've been free too long, anyway.

314. Yeah, that's right. Me too.

315. Word, word.

316. Somebody in here better have my money, G!

317. I heard it in a movie.

318. Right, right, move it up. That's what I'm saying!

319. And that better not be my newspaper either!

320. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

321. Hey, yo, dawg, I-I-I think it's working.

322. Yeah, yeah.

323. - Yeah, yeah, dawg. - Yeah, word, word, word.

324. You think my voice is deep enough?

325. No, but your, but your breath is stank enough.

326. - Yo, Jamie? - What-what-what?

327. I think, we'll be okay in here if we just, uh, blend in.

328. - Right. - Mind our own business.

329. We should be fine until Francesca gets here.

330. - Yeah. - Yo.

331. We're breakin' at 12:00.

332. Oh, oh, breaking? You're all having a little talent show?

333. 'Cause you know I used to pop, you know?

334. Ba, bam, ba, hitting.

335. Come on, dawg.

336. Ta-ha. Ooh.

337. Ha ha-ha.

338. Danger, Will Robinson, danger.

339. Get in here.

340. Now that's all good.

341. But I'm talkin' about breakin' out.

342. - Yeah. - Escapin'.

343. - Now y'all are down with us. - Right.

344. 'Cause we ain't leavin' no witnesses.

345. Damn! Oh!

346. Now, look, everybody's got their orders.

347. As soon as the lights go out..

348. we're out.

349. But then again, how we gonna see in the dark?

350. Hey, scratch that.

351. Excuse me, Mr. Confused, uh..

352. What're you gonna do about the guards?

353. Well, see that's your job, Salt-N-Pepa.

354. And if ya'll don't handle business, I'mma shake you up.

355. Any questions?

356. Oh, yeah, man, I got question, are you crazy..

357. Crazy is... as stupid does.

358. Can you dig the k-nowledge?

359. Hey, I believe the K is silent.

360. I think you made him mad, Jamie.

361. No, he didn't make me mad.

362. Actually, I know some of y'all have been

363. wonderin' about my plan.

364. We're gonna tunnel out.

365. Yeah! You see what I'm sayin'?

366. We're out, baby. Don't worry about it.

367. We out.

368. Well, wait, wait, wait. Let me understand this.

369. You're gonna tunnel out?

370. I mean, that's a good plan if you've got

371. twenty or thirty years to kill, you know?

372. I mean, ain't we gettin' ahead of ourselves?

373. Hey, man.. What, boy?

374. Broham, are you going somewhere with this?

375. Just follow my lead.

376. Look here, man, we wanted to break out

377. and everything like that, but we ain't even..

378. I mean, we ain't even been rehabilitated yet. Huh?

379. I mean, let's just think about what's going on.

380. Come on, Pee Wee.

381. Come on, let's think about this.

382. Before we tunnel out

383. we got to resolve some issues.

384. Well, what did you do to get in here?

385. Alright, look, man, I bought a car, it happened to be stolen.

386. I was tryin' to impress a girl.

387. Get out! Me too!

388. I hope we don't have nothin' else in common.

389. Oh, so you tried to buy a car and it was stolen?

390. No, actually I killed five guys.

391. But check it out. I was tryin' to impress this girl.

392. What?

393. A big, tall, fine, Swiss honey.

394. I was just about to get my yodel on

395. when the police caught me.

396. Yeah, well, see, he-he-he was trying to get his yodel on.

397. Now, how many... of you guys..

398. come on, are in here for tryin' to impress a girl?

399. Mr. Pendergrass?

400. Raise your hand. Raise your hand.

401. Who's in here for tryin' to impress a girl?

402. Raise your hand on up.

403. Now see, this is a chance for us to talk

404. to the little criminal inside us all, the sensitive criminal.

405. The criminal that we don't... let come out.

406. I think we should hold hands..

407. and exhale.

408. Hmm?

409. Unh-unh, I don't want to be in the boy scouts.

410. Unh-unh, I ain't going out like that now.

411. Yo, where'd everybody go?

412. You don't think they actually

413. got out of here, do you?

414. Oh-ho-ho, maybe big dude was smarter..

415. than we thought.

416. They actually tunneled through that wall.

417. Jamie King, Braxton Hartnabrig, you're free to go.

418. Oh, ho-ho! Aunt Helen, you finally came to rescue us.

419. Mrs. King, it's so good to see you.

420. I told you to be practical, and you didn't listen to me.

421. So I think you need to sit in here a little longer

422. and think about what you did.

423. Well, now, come on, Helena, you're doin' some old good times

424. JJ stuff, now come on..

425. - I ain't playin' like that. - Yeah, yeah.

426. - Hey, hey, hey. - Look, look, look, hey.

427. I love you like you were my own son.

428. But I'll tell you what, you don't believe me, do you?

429. Aunt Helen, you cant be serious.

430. - Just watch me. - Aunt Helen, wait now.

431. Remember, Jamie, act tough and don't take nothin'.

432. Give it to me.

433. That's for getting me in here in the first place.

434. Aunt Helen, now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

435. Aunt Helen! White lady!

436. Come on, man, I already..

437. Some old good times... JJ..

438. Yo! Check it out, man.

439. Now I know which way south is.

440. But just tell me which way north is.

441. Hey, you think I could get some copies of these?

442. I might be able to get some catalog work.