The Jamie Foxx Show 1x13

1. Hey, guys.

2. Whoo! Look out, girl.

3. Where are you coming from looking like

4. a sexy bottle of Pepto-Bismol.

5. I will have a teaspoon full right now.

6. Ha!

7. Alright, fine! Don't laugh at my jokes.

8. Player dis-likers.

9. I'm coming from my self-defense class.

10. Self-defense class, why do you need a self-defense class

11. when you got a man like me walkin' around with you, girl?

12. A hard workin' hotel employee

13. with no, uh, uh, benefits

14. but, you know, I'm still, you know, workin' at it.

15. Jamie, you would actually protect me?

16. I would protect you, girl, from your head down to the..

17. bunions on them toes.

18. What if someone came up behind you like this?

19. - Then what would you do? - First I'd do this..

20. Then I will tell 'em to kiss my bunions.

21. Bro, hambone.

22. - Let me give you a hand. - Oh, thanks, man.

23. Ah! Bravo!

24. Encore, Francesca, encore. Uh.

25. Oh, Jamie, are you okay?

26. - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm okay.

27. What would make you think I ain't okay, girl?

28. Well, 'cause you look like you need some help.

29. Okay.

30. - You know I slipped, right? - You mean flipped, right?

31. Why don't you mind your business, Al Jarreau?

32. Jamie, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna go get you an ice pack.

33. Alright.

34. Hello, may I help you?

35. As a matter of fact, you can.

36. I'm looking for Francesca Monroe.

37. - Oh. - Oh, I'll tell you what, bro.

38. Why don't you just go ahead and let me sign for those

39. and you go ahead and make your deliveries.

40. I think she'd like to receive these from me, personally.

41. I don't think so.

42. I don't think her man, uh..

43. would appreciate that.

44. Oh, so you and Fancy, um..

45. What can I say, man, you know how it goes, bro.

46. Hey, Jamie, this will help the swelling.

47. - Hey, boo, look here.. - Kenneth?

48. Oh, my God.

49. - Ohh. - What're you doing here?

50. You know I wouldn't come all the way to LA

51. and not look you up, no disrespect to your boyfriend.

52. - Who, Jamie? - Hey, boo, honey.

53. - Girl, sweetie. - Wait. He's-he's..

54. He's like a little brother to me.

55. Listen, I wanna introduce you to the guys.

56. Braxton, Jamie, this is Ken Ken.

57. Oh... I mean Kenneth.

58. - These are my co-workers. - Ah.

59. Oh, so..

60. So we co-workers now.

61. It's good to meet you, Ken Ken.

62. I guess if I had a nickname, it would be Brax Brax.

63. Uh, nice to meet you, Jamie.

64. What's up?

65. You know, I didn't know DeBarge was havin' a family reunion.

66. Now, which one was you?

67. 'Did you sing tenor?'

68. Actually, Jamie, he's an old friend of mine.

69. Oh, oh, oh.

70. If you've forgotten that summer in the south of France.

71. Those hot nights on the beach.

72. I still have visions of you walking down that topless beach.

73. - Kenneth. - Well, you did.

74. Was she butt-naked on a donkey?

75. I mean, you know, that's usually the way I dream her.

76. - Hey, y'all. - Oh, Mrs. King.

77. - I want you to meet Kenneth.. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

78. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know, we know, we know.

79. That's Kenneth, Kenneth and, uh, Fancy

80. you know, they was on a beach, uh

81. about to squeeze, butt-naked please!

82. - Jamie.. - Well, you did.

83. What happened here? Who broke my table?

84. Fancy's up to her shenanigans and she broke it.

85. I hope you ain't mad at her.

86. Not at all, because it's comin' out of one of y'all's paycheck.

87. Hi, Kenneth. Nice to meet you.

88. Madame King..

89. I don't know what you just said

90. but it sure did sound good.

91. Jamie, he speaks French.

92. I heard him.

93. I ain't impressed, plus I heard the French don't wash—

94. Shh. What is wrong with you, Jamie?

95. Kenneth, don't you mind him, honey.

96. We'll get you in a room right away.

97. All I need is your credit card.

98. No, I don't do credit, I am a..

99. cash man.

100. Ha ha!

101. So, my brother doesn't have credit, you know

102. big baller like yourself, I thought you'd come up here

103. with a little plastique.

104. Even I have a Discover.

105. But you see, credit is actually for people

106. who discover they don't have cash.

107. - Partake? - Hm. What's this for?

108. This is for people that discover that they have

109. a doo-doo bird stuck down their throat.

110. I can't believe how radiant you are.

111. You look as beautiful as the last time I saw you.

112. If I was so beautiful, then how come you left me?

113. Francesca, that was the biggest mistake of my life.

114. I mean, I was young in the mind then

115. you know, I was tryin' to build my business up.

116. 'I always knew I would come back for you'

117. if you'd have me.

118. I just don't know, Kenneth.

119. I haven't seen you in two years.

120. Hmm, two years, huh? Where you been?

121. Servin' time?

122. Yes, I was serving time.

123. Too much time away from my Francesca.

124. Y'all wanna order or what?

125. Ahem. Kenneth, what will you have?

126. I'll have Francesca.

127. Can I get an order of corn?

128. To go with those corny-ass lines.

129. Agh!

130. We'll both have the special, and, do you mind?

131. Can we get a little bit of privacy here?

132. Okay.

133. Kenneth, we have so much to catch up on.

134. Yeah.

135. Remember all those dreams I had of makin' it big?

136. Yeah.

137. Well, I'm on the verge of making

138. the biggest deal of my life.

139. I am so proud of you.

140. Now, you know I'd never gotten over you.

141. Come here.

142. You know, we're fresh out of those specials, man.

143. I don't know, Ramon done ran off from the kitchen.

144. 'I don't know what's goin' on.'

145. You know, we got the lobster, you know

146. I suggest the male 'cause the female

147. has a little green doody stuffed in her..

148. Fancy, this is perfect timing, you see

149. I had some business to attend to.

150. This should cover it. Keep the change.

151. Oh, you think you can just come in here

152. and flash a $100 bill to me

153. like I'm supposed to be impressed or somethin'.

154. Well, I damn sure ain't takin' another one.

155. 'Oh-oh. Uh-oh.'

156. Who-o-a-a!

157. Fancy, you look a little, uh..

158. fancy.

159. Well, thank you, Mr. King.

160. And, uh, oh, Ken Ken, somebody dropped this off

161. you know, while you were gone.

162. - Oh, what's that, honey? - Uh, nothing.

163. - Just some business supplies. - Oh.

164. - Now, show 'em all your gifts. - Okay.

165. Uh, uh. Uh, gifts? I mean..

166. What-what, what's the big deal about gifts?

167. It's not even Christ-mas.

168. Oh, I see, a little sugar from your..

169. sugar daddy, huh?

170. Hey, you can't put a price tag on love, Jamie.

171. Ooh. Whoo, Fancy.

172. Look at you, girl, lookin' like a movie star.

173. Yeah, Kenneth took me out for a full body massage

174. a facial, and a mud treatment.

175. Ohh..

176. Junior, why don't you do that for me?

177. Well, why waste the money, baby?

178. You can just play in the mud out back

179. and I'll hold you down.

180. Come on, honey, why don't you show 'em

181. all the stuff we bought today?

182. Ooh, you mean on Rodeo Drive?

183. Mrs. King, come and see.

184. I've got some things for all of you.

185. - I hope I'm not out of line. - No.

186. Yeah, yes, yes, yes.

187. Kenneth, you know, you really shouldn't have.

188. But I'm glad you did.

189. For you, Braxton, the latest in personal electronic organizers.

190. Is this the ZR-73

191. with internet connection?

192. - That's the one. - Do you know how long..

193. Ken Ken!

194. Thank you.

195. - And last, but not least— - Oh, no, no, no.

196. Hey, I got to stop you right there, brother, slow your roll.

197. I don't need all your gifts and everything

198. to make me feel all good.

199. I'm different from these simple-minded folks.

200. 'So you can just hold on to your stuff, alright?'

201. I was going to say I have something for Fancy.

202. So you didn't get me nothin'?

203. Anyway, Francesca, while you were shopping

204. I slipped next door and I got you a little... surprise.

205. Oh, but, Kenneth, you already got me too much.

206. This is the icing on the cake.

207. Francesca.

208. A great man once said

209. "Success is nothing without someone you love

210. to share it with."

211. That wasn't no great man, that was Billy Dee Williams

212. in "Mahogany."

213. Francesca..

214. I want you to come to Atlanta with me.

215. - What? - Yeah, what?

216. I want you... to marry me.

217. Oh, hell, no!

218. Kenneth..

219. I don't know what to say.

220. Just say yes.

221. Yes.

222. Coffee. I'm gonna go..

223. I'm gonna go get some coffee, anybody want some coffee?

224. I'll be right back.

225. Francesca.

226. I must say. That is one impressive rock.

227. Don't you think so, Jamie?

228. Yeah, if you like cubic zirconiums.

229. Please, Jamie, you say you're my friend.

230. Could you at least be happy for me?

231. Look, Fancy. Fancy, Fancy, listen.

232. I am your friend, it's just that I'm a little worried about you

233. just jumpin' into this, you know, I—

234. Jamie, I know what you're tryin' to do.

235. But enough is enough.

236. Right now I just want you to support me on this, alright?

237. I guess I got a little upset and everything, and..

238. Little jealous, you know, when spend-Ken was coming in

239. you know, flashin' all his cash

240. with all the $100 bills, you know, that whole thing.

241. So, it got to me a little bit, but if that's your choice

242. hey, that's your choice, do your thing.

243. - I'm happy for you. - Thank you, Jamie.

244. - Alright. Cool. - Thank you.

245. But, uh..

246. If you ever want to get your adultery on

247. just page me, girl.

248. - Well, I'll keep that in mind. - Alright, you do that.

249. Man.

250. - She's really going. - Yeah.

251. I'm gonna miss her.

252. Me too.

253. Tee!

254. - Yo, bro. - Hey, what's up?

255. We need to rap to you, in private.

256. Hey, man, she was 18, she showed me ID.

257. - In private, buddy, let's go. - But, what is it?

258. I'm telling you, I don't know nothin'.

259. I was nowhere near Rockingham.

260. Look, bro, we know you didn't do anything

261. but we need your help to catch a counterfeiter.

262. Why me?

263. Because we've been watching you

264. and we need you to help us bust this man.

265. Oh, yeah, this is Kenneth, you know

266. he's been stayin' here at the hotel.

267. Why, what's up?

268. No, no, no, no.

269. You mean counterfeit Ken Ken.

270. Hey, look, man, I don't know about his Muslim name, bro.

271. Well, he's a wanted man

272. and we've been tracking him for months.

273. I knew somethin' was wrong with him.

274. I could tell somethin' was wrong.

275. I could tell past the good hair.

276. You know what, Fancy's gonna be devastated when I let her know..

277. - No, no, no. - Hey, man, wh.. Hey.

278. You can't say anything.

279. What'd you mean I can't say anythin'?

280. She's gettin' married to him.

281. No, no, no-no, no, she's not.

282. See, it's like this, chief.

283. Ken Ken proposes to innocent women

284. and gets them to help him transport printing plates

285. and bogus money across country.

286. The package!

287. Now, what we want you to do is go undercover

288. and get him to incriminate himself on tape.

289. Yeah, so we can put Ken Ken in the pen pen.

290. Well, just tell me when when.

291. So Jamie can get back in in.

292. Ah-ah!

293. Foo!

294. Hey, look, man, I know this, you know

295. this is a standard procedure, but you're takin' too long

296. with this microphone, are you sure you ain't

297. one of the Village People cops?

298. Now, bro, you're all set.

299. When you get up there all you gotta do

300. is get him to admit to the counterfeiting.

301. Wait a minute, Jamie. Are you sure you wanna do this?

302. What do you mean am I sure?

303. Anybody disrespects Fancy

304. he disrespected me.

305. Alright, Jamie, and be careful

306. if he should start shootin'

307. don't stand too close to the TV

308. they're not paid for.

309. Now, if you think he's onto you, just give us the code word.

310. Right, I give him the code word.

311. If they onto me, just give them the code word.

312. They onto me, just give them the, uh..

313. Oh, uh, uh, what's-what's the code word?

314. Olly olly oxen free.

315. When you say that, we come bustin' in.

316. - Got it? - Alright.

317. Now let's do this. Like we always knew this.

318. Uh, uh, uh, m-m-me bad-o.

319. - Hey, baby. - Mmm.

320. Fancy, just the person I want to see.

321. What's up?

322. I need you to pack this in your suitcase.

323. Oh, what's in it?

324. Oh, just a little somethin' I picked up

325. to finalize my business in LA, that's all.

326. Oh, well, no problem, I have plenty of room in my bag.

327. Ah, good.

328. Hey, Ken Ken, what's happenin', man?

329. A little room service for you.

330. You must have the wrong room, I didn't order any room service.

331. Well, this is a special thing

332. for our cash-paying people.

333. Jamie, what are you talkin' about?

334. This is somethin' special that we just started today.

335. Come on, just put it on the table over there.

336. Alright.

337. Oh, man, what a wonderful, wonderful

338. weather we are havin'.

339. The weather's real nice. I'm over by the window.

340. Jamie, what is this about? What are you doin'?

341. Oh, what? A brother just can't come up here

342. all natural and everything..

343. and just conversate?

344. The correct word is converse.

345. I like Nikes myself.

346. Now, let me ask you a question.

347. How would you make money to, uh..

348. buy you some Michael Jordans?

349. Is there something wrong with your shoulders?

350. Huh? No, oh, no, just, you know, just..

351. Just, you know, workin' on my little dance moves.

352. You know..

353. I'm dancin'.

354. Jamie, what do you care?

355. What do you care how much money he makes?

356. Uh, it's not that I care about how much money he makes

357. it's just that I wanna know, you know, how he makes it.

358. Code red. 1-Adam-12. Save yourself.

359. Code red. 1-Adam-12.

360. 1-Adam-12, station 51.

361. Code red. On two.

362. I just wanted to ask him..

363. How do you make your money?

364. I make money the old-fashioned way.

365. - One dollar at a time. - Alright, come on.

366. I think it's time for you to leave.

367. - What're you doing? - Hey. Uh..

368. I'm just asking him, you guys a couple of questions

369. since you're gonna be married and all

370. and you're gonna be leaving here soon.

371. Let me ask you one thing.

372. If you was gonna make some money

373. I don't know, say, $100 bills

374. I mean, how would you do that?

375. - That'd be illegal, Jamie. - It might.

376. A guy could go to jail for a long time.

377. Oh, no, not really.

378. Especially if some punk was settin' him up.

379. Ah!

380. Uh, uh, uh, olly..

381. Uh, Ollie North.

382. "A-Ali baba and the 40 thieves."

383. "Ku-Ku-Kukla, Fran, and Ollie."

384. O-Ol-Olivia Newton-John.

385. Uh, uh, uh..

386. Obi-Wan Kenobi?

387. Kenneth, what's going on?

388. What's going on is that

389. Ken Ken is a counterfeiter

390. and this place I-I-is surrounded by cops, hopefully.

391. Kenneth, what is he talking about?

392. - Baby, he's right. - Yeah, I'm right.

393. All those $100 bills he was running around..

394. "Keep the change, keep the change.

395. You can keep the change."

396. - They was bogus. - That's right.

397. But now I can't let you walk out that door.

398. What?

399. Yo, Fancy, get behind me

400. while I break off Philip Michael Thomas.

401. Well, what's wrong with you, G?

402. Huh? What you gonna do? You want some of this, huh?

403. - I don't think so. - He's got a gun.

404. Oh, my Lord Jesus!

405. Well, we can make this..

406. nice and easy, Fancy.

407. Wait, wait, hold up, Kenneth.

408. Let me get this straight.

409. From out of the blue you come into my life

410. you wine me, you dine me, you sweet-talk me

411. you buy me and my friends gifts

412. you proposed to me, and all that was a lie?

413. Save the drama, Fancy, that's why I left you last time.

414. - You talk too much. - What?

415. Now I want you to listen to me.

416. Another problem you had.

417. You're going to help me get out of here

418. whether you like it or not.

419. Now... are we straight?

420. Oh, we're straight and I'm about to straight set it off.

421. Jamie. Jamie, get up. Jamie.

422. But if we go to the bushes, nobody'll see us in the bushes.

423. Oh, now I remember the code word.

424. Yo. Olly likes ox tails, G.

425. Oh, Lord! Holyfield.

426. Jamie, I owe you an apology.

427. I can't believe I was gonna make such a huge mistake.

428. Well, if you would've chose that brother over me

429. that would have been your first mistake.

430. You really do care about me, don't you?

431. Yeah, I care about you.

432. But you know what, I wanna thank you too.

433. For what?

434. For helping me kick Kenneth's ass.

435. 'Cause, you know, when I passed out and everything like that

436. you know, that was just, you know

437. I was just, uh, playin' around

438. so you could go ahead and get your self-defense class on.

439. - Oh, you were, uh, acting? - Yeah, of course.

440. You know, I've been workin' on that, you know..

441. Girl, don't think a little gun gonna scare me.

442. I'm gonna tell you right now.

443. Check out what they gave me down at the track.

444. Oh, Lord Jesus! I..

445. Wow. Second-hand smoke ain't no joke.

446. Enjoy your complimentary cocktails

447. right in the ballroom.

448. Thanks.

449. Is that Wolfman Black?

450. Bent dogg.