The Jamie Foxx Show 1x1

1. Hey, hey, now.

2. Oh, my goodness.

3. Jamie, my favorite nephew.

4. Boy, you better give your Aunt Helen some sugar.

5. - Come over here. - Ow! Hey! He, he.

6. Hey. Hey.

7. Uh, aunty, you've been hittin' the weights, huh?

8. Whoo-hoo-hoo.

9. No, baby.

10. It's just that I am so happy to see you.

11. - Oh, I'm so happy to see you. - Oh!

12. Come on, give me some of this.

13. Hey, how's business?

14. Oh, well, it's not the greatest

15. but we holdin' on.

16. Hopefully you can help us

17. generate some new business

18. with your Hollywood connections

19. you've been telling us about.

20. - Hollywood. - Hollywood swinger.

21. What Hollywood connections?

22. Helen, I'm about to go play the Lotto.

23. Have you seen my lucky monkey foot?

24. Shut up, fool, and say hello to your nephew.

25. Jamie King.

26. Oh, my, look at you, boy.

27. Your body finally caught up to your head.

28. Yeah, 'cause Jamie you had one of them big old cantaloupe head.

29. Yeah, yeah, so, unc, you still gambling?

30. No, Jamie, I gave that up.

31. What's your favorite number?

32. Uh, my birthday, uh... 12-13-67.

33. Yeah, uh..

34. I must've left my wallet upstairs.

35. Uh, Helen, could you let me hold $5 till the first?

36. I am not contributing to your bad habit. No! Go.

37. Hey, psst, psst, unc, unc, unc don't sweat that.

38. - Unc, take this $5 of mine. - Whoa!

39. You know, since you gonna be letting me stay here, you know

40. free room and board and everythin'.

41. Uh, uh, free?

42. Room and board's not free.

43. You will be workin' here.

44. Oh, yeah, I..

45. I'm gonna be workin' and everythin'

46. but I'm gonna be pursuing my actin' career, you know

47. 'cause I got skills.

48. Yeah, well, until your actin' career takes off

49. act like you work here.

50. 'See y'all later.'

51. It's good to see you.

52. Who is that?

53. Who's who? Oh, that's Fancy.

54. She runs the front desk.

55. She'll be showin' you the ropes.

56. I hope they're connected to her bedpost.

57. Boy!

58. Uh.

59. I'm a Sagittarius, my name is Jamie and you are?

60. - Don't even tell me. - Uh.

61. Your name must be Angel because you look so heavenly.

62. No, it's Francesca.

63. And your name must be devil

64. 'cause that shirt..

65. it looks like hell.

66. Oh, Dennis, come here.

67. I want you to meet somebody.

68. This is Jamie.

69. Wait a..

70. - Wait a minute. Y-you're Jamie? - Hey, what's up, brother.

71. I have heard a lot about you, brother!

72. And you even have great suitcases. Look at these.

73. Yeah, those are sharp, man, but, uh..

74. those aren't mine.

75. - Are you sure? - Yeah, positive.

76. I left mine out on the luggage cart.

77. Okay, alright. Just a honest mistake.

78. You know, it's not a... pukh, big..

79. It could happen to anybody.

80. It's a hazard of the job, I'll just..

81. I'll be right back.

82. Sorry.

83. The door opens this way.

84. Dennis just started yesterday.

85. Nice kid, but bright is not his favorite color.

86. Yeah, yeah, I get it.

87. I see but, uh, anyway..

88. Miss Fancy Pants back to you

89. now, check this out, I was running—

90. Ah, Francesca, can I see you for a moment?

91. Oh, wait a minute, Chico DeBarge.

92. Uh..

93. just hold on.

94. Now, uh, the lady was talkin' to me.

95. Why? Ah, ah.

96. Uh, listen, broheim..

97. if you're lookin' for spare change

98. uh, try the gas station, that way.

99. Well, if you wasn't lookin' for a Tic-Tac you need to.

100. 'Braxton.'

101. Braxton, this is my nephew, Jamie.

102. Jamie, meet Braxton, our accountant.

103. He was sent here by his graduate school.

104. Now hopefully you two can help us take this hotel

105. to a whole another level.

106. - Who, me and Waxton? - Uh, the name is Braxton.

107. Braxton P. Hartnabrig.

108. Can you say that?

109. I'll have you know that I have a degree from

110. the Cornell School of Hotel Management.

111. I also graduated cum laude from USC.

112. Yeah, well, I sung "Kumbaya" loud when I graduated too.

113. Oh, God. Huh.

114. - Hoodlum. - Nerd.

115. - Rapscallion. - Square.

116. - Street urchin. - Johnny Mathis.

117. Aww, yo, y'all still got that piano?

118. Man, this place hasn't changed since I was a kid.

119. Well, now, I know it's a little outdated.

120. Little outdated? Look like y'all had the Last Supper up in here.

121. Matthew?

122. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, where y'all at?

123. Cut that out, boy.

124. This room has a lot of history.

125. - Oh, is that right? - Duke Ellington.

126. - Yeah. - Ella Fitzgerald.

127. Nat King Cole, all of them

128. performed right here in this room.

129. Ah, but see you wouldn't know nothin' about them, young buck.

130. - Don't know nothing about them? - Oh, no.

131. Aunty, but, uh, ahem, ahem.

132. O-o-o.

133. Oh! Come on, baby.

134. Is it awake? Is it alright? Wake it up.

135. Oh, look at you. You do know a little somethin', don't you?

136. Yeah, yeah, yeah, see now since I'm here, see..

137. I can hip you to the new school like Mary J. Blige

138. you know, Biggie Smalls.

139. Hip me? Puh-lease!

140. Me and Biggie are like this.

141. - Baby-baybay. - Oh!

142. Aunty, I didn't know you was down with the new school.

143. You better ask somebody.

144. Shoot, I was dancing with Ice Cube

145. when Tupac got arrested.

146. We were up in there like this here.

147. Yea-a-ah! Boy, look out, now.

148. - Oh, I wanna learn that. - Yeah.

149. Whoa, whoa, whoa..

150. And that's basically how you check in a guest.

151. Do you have any questions?

152. Yeah, I was wonderin' if I could take you out

153. to the flyest restaurant in town

154. and with this big knot in my pocket, you know

155. you can even super size your order, you know.

156. Look, you seem like a nice guy, but..

157. workplace romances aren't my thing.

158. Yeah, well..

159. Oh, look at my nephew all dressed up.

160. Yeah, but, aunty, we got to, uh

161. talk about the outfit a little—

162. Well, now, I know it's not

163. what you young folks are wearing

164. but everybody here has to wear uniform.

165. No, that ain't what I'm talking about, I mean, you know..

166. you know, Michael Jackson or something.

167. Ahh, ahh, ooh, ahh.

168. Alright, Jamie.

169. Well, now, don't you worry about a thing, baby.

170. Don't worry. Cut that out. He, he.

171. We'll take care of these.

172. - Uh, Ms.. - Man!

173. Ms. King, uh..

174. I think we have a bit of a problem.

175. I found this behind the filing cabinet

176. I want you to know, I am not responsible.

177. What's up, aunty?

178. My temper.

179. That Junior has the worst

180. gambling problem I've ever seen.

181. There's a $10,000 loan against the hotel and it's overdue.

182. Wait a minute and if it's not paid back in the next 48 hours

183. we're gonna lose the hotel.

184. What are y'all standing around here looking all sad for

185. like a bunch of pall bearers?

186. Because we're about to go to your funeral.

187. Fancy, hand me my knife out the drawer.

188. - Ooh. - Uh, Ms. King..

189. Yo, unc, if I was you, I get up out of here.

190. She's about to go Lorena Bobbitt.

191. Say no more.

192. Junior, get back here.

193. What is this $10,000

194. you borrowed from a Shonuff Savings and Loans?

195. Oh, that.

196. Helen, look, I've been meaning to talk to you about that.

197. You see, I took out a little loan

198. against the hotel to redecorate.

199. Well, I don't see any decorations.

200. So what'd you do with the money?

201. I gave it to Nappy Red, the bookie

202. so he wouldn't redecorate my face.

203. Well, I hope you're happy.

204. All the blood, sweat and tears we put into this place

205. and we're about to lose it because of your foolishness.

206. What do you have to say for yourself, Junior, huh?

207. Damn, that Dionne and her fake psychic friends.

208. You know I'm about two seconds..

209. Well... looks like this is gonna be our last evening

210. working together, Francesca.

211. Maybe we can get together sometime

212. so you can see the... wild side of me.

213. Yeah, why don't you, uh, call me sometime?

214. - Call me. - 'Okay.'

215. You bet.

216. Anyway, I don't think we should give up just yet.

217. Now, check this out.

218. I got a thousand dollars in my savings account, right?

219. If I could just go out into the community

220. make a small investment, flip it, make a profit—

221. Uh, I refuse to be involved

222. with street pharmaceuticals.

223. That's not even what I'm talking about, me so corny.

224. You don't even know the words to the song.

225. It's "Me so horny."

226. Alright, you got one in, baby, alright.

227. Shh, shh.

228. Helen's not around here, is she?

229. No, she's not, she's upstairs crying

230. talking about, this place is her whole life.

231. Man, I feel terrible about losing that money, Jamie. Oh.

232. Well, Jamie has a thousand dollars.

233. Yeah, but that's not gonna do us any good.

234. Pick up the dice, boy, that's you.

235. Yeah, but I ain't bettin' all of it.

236. Just try one hundred, Jamie. Don't worry.

237. That's we brought lady luck with us.

238. Alright, well, Fancy, blow on these.

239. Say what?

240. No, I mean, blow on the dice.

241. Uh-uh. I'm not blowing on nothin'.

242. I just came 'cause you're uncle's car had a boot on it.

243. Seven. Winner.

244. - You won. - Just like that, huh?

245. Yeah, yeah. Now let's go before you lose your mind.

246. Hey, hey, don't worry about it.

247. I'm not gonna get caught up in this gambling stuff.

248. Whoo-ha. I got you all in check. Uh!

249. Winner.

250. Uh, yeah.

251. Boy, you are on fire.

252. - How much have you won so far? - Uh, let me see.

253. Uh, mm..

254. - Damn! I done won $5,000. - Ow!

255. - Come on, let's get outta here. - Baby, are you crazy?

256. Call me butter, baby, 'cause I'm on a roll.

257. - What? Are you crazy? - Uh, no.

258. I'm about to get crazy paid. Cha-ching. What you think, unc?

259. Jamie, I know you're on a winning streak

260. but you just might want to take a break.

261. But..

262. Alright, I-I'll take a break, man, but I'm coming back, baby.

263. You know, 'cause I can't lose, alright.

264. - Alright. - Snake eyes, loser.

265. - What? - No, no, no.

266. Brother, I was just giving your dice back.

267. Yeah, that's the truth. He wasn't rolling.

268. No, no. That's what they all say.

269. No, brother, no, look here, I'm not going out..

270. Get security. Security!

271. Get your hands off of the table.

272. - Let's get out. - Oh.

273. - Hey! - Whoa!

274. Mrs. King, Jamie and I were talking in the car

275. and I think we have some great news.

276. What, y'all hired somebody to off Junior

277. so I can collect the insurance money?

278. No, but I know how we can get the money back, right?

279. Now, listen, you remember earlier you told me

280. that a lot of big stars performed here back in the day.

281. Yeah, but they're all dead.

282. True that, true that, but listen

283. why don't we find some live ones to put on a benefit?

284. Oh, yeah.

285. You mean, like those

286. big celebrity friends of yours.

287. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What celebrity friends?

288. Girl, you better recognize.

289. I mean, you know, I'm down with, uh..

290. I mean, I'm down with, you know, like Babyface and, uh

291. D'Angelo and, uh, Janet, Janet Jackson.

292. Ah, don't forget about Eddie and Arsenio.

293. - Girl, my baby knows everybody. - Y-yeah.

294. Yeah, we all in the same gang.

295. Wait, wait, wait.

296. Do you know R. Kelly? I love him.

297. Me and R? Man.

298. - Hey, you know what? - What?

299. I know I could get R. Kelly to get down here.

300. Hey, hey, but you gotta keep it on the down low.

301. Alright.

302. You better hope this works.

303. Well, I sure hope it works fast

304. 'cause somebody in here smells like feet.

305. Okay, listen, guys, uh, Jamie just got here

306. and, Fancy, he wants you to bring on the first guest.

307. - Who? - It's, uh, R. Kelly.

308. - R. Kelly? - Yeah.

309. He really got R. Kelly?

310. Oh, please, Francesca.

311. I know you will not allow yourself to be taken in

312. by his childish shenanigans.

313. Hey, listen, pal, don't kill the messenger, okay?

314. He says he has R. Kelly.

315. Thank you. Thank you.

316. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.

317. The first gentleman coming to the stage

318. really needs no introduction.

319. Here performing his latest hit

320. "Big Toe?" Uh..

321. Please give it up for R. Kelly.

322. How y'all doin'? You doin' okay?

323. How y'all feelin' tonight, huh?

324. Alright.

325. - Feelin' good? - Yeah.

326. - 'I know I feel good.' - Yeah..

327. Woo, yeah, come on.

328. Oh, man, get your ass of that stage.

329. - 'Hey.' - 'Man, get out of there.'

330. Now, hold on, hold on, hold on.

331. Listen, listen, listen.

332. Now, I know you upset..

333. and you're mad because you've been deceived

334. and you should be. Huh!

335. But I was only doing this for my aunt and my uncle.

336. Man, because they put their blood

337. their sweat and their tears—

338. Hey, man, save the drama for your mama.

339. I want my money back.

340. Yeah!

341. Let's get outta here.

342. Alright, wait a minute.

343. What if I gave you some real talent up here, huh?

344. And if you didn't like what you heard

345. I will give everybody in this room their money back.

346. This is gonna be good.

347. 'Cause, you know, this hotel

348. represents everything that was back in the day.

349. You know what I'm sayin'?

350. Back when even datin' was easy.

351. You know, back when in order to date, all you had to do was

352. write on a letter, "Do you like me?"

353. Yes or no, do what?

354. 'Circle one, y'all know that time.'

355. Back in the day when you had your..

356. And back in the day when they used to slow the music down

357. and your favorite song was something like this.

358. 'Everybody.'

359. So how much did we make?

360. Shh! I'm still counting.

361. Nine hundred, one thousand.

362. That makes 4,000.

363. Yeah, but we're still $6,000 short.

364. Well, at least you tried, Jamie.

365. 'I don't see how we can come up with that kind of money'

366. 'by tomorrow mornin'.'

367. Well, let's give ourselves an A for effort, shall we?

368. Absolutely.

369. Sit your ass down.

370. Well, Jamie baby, I appreciate what you tried to do.

371. I mean, bless your heart.

372. I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

373. Yeah. I'm lookin' for a Junior King.

374. I'm Junior King.

375. Nappy Red over at the bookie joint said to give you this.

376. Everybody get down. He's got a gun.

377. Or a sandwich.

378. Just came by to tell you that your numbers hit.

379. Congrats.

380. O-o-ow.

381. Looks like I just won $8000 dollars.

382. Oh, let me see that.

383. Oh, my goodness, he really did win.

384. Hey, I got to give Jamie the credit..

385. because it was his five dollars and the numbers

386. of his birthday that hit.

387. Well, it look like we have more than enough to save the hotel.

388. So Jamie baby, here's a little something for you.

389. Cool, now I can go buy some pants that fit.

390. Uh..

391. Well, if it wasn't for your good luck

392. and that show you put on

393. baby, we'd all be sellin' oranges by the freeway.

394. Yeah, now you can tell everyone that you made

395. your Hollywood debut at the King Tower.

396. Yeah, well, now you can put my picture

397. right next to Nat King Cole.

398. You weren't that good.

399. Br-r-r-ruh!

400. 'Yeah.'

401. 'About to be on.'

402. Bout to be on.

403. Check my ambience.

404. Right.

405. So, Jamie, your aunt said you wanted to see me.

406. Yeah, I did.

407. You know, why don't we just, you know, quit playing the games.

408. You know, I know you want me.

409. I could tell by the way you look at me

410. and there's this little thing you do with your eyes.

411. It's called rolling them.

412. Hey, look, now, I know you think I'm some kind

413. of country bama from Texas

414. and a little bama I might be

415. but when my career starts rollin'

416. and I start to blow-up-tuate, huh, huh.

417. You gonna wanna be on the brother's team.

418. Okay.

419. You got me.

420. - What? - Hmm.

421. Oh, yeah. Y-you damn right I got you.

422. Hmm. Uh-huh. You sure do.

423. Especially when you started singin' and playin' that piano.

424. Oh. Uh-huh.

425. Now, how would you like it if I hopped

426. right into that bed with you?

427. I wouldn't be mad at ya.

428. Get on there.

429. Sit. Sit.

430. Hm.

431. Now, close your eyes.

432. Remember earlier when I said

433. workplace romances weren't for me?

434. Yeah.

435. I meant it.

436. What? No.

437. Goodnight, Jamie.

438. 'Does this mean I ain't gettin' the drawers?'

439. Huh, yeah.

440. Who, me?

441. Um, you know, I'm on my way to Hollywood, you know.

442. Break into this little show business thing, you know.

443. Huh. I'm gonna be the next Denzel.

444. Maybe we can, uh, you know, hook up, uh.

445. Bad dog.