1. Come on, settle.
The sooner you're settled,Copy !req
2. the sooner this is over with.Copy !req
3. Thank you.
Now, you're going to meetCopy !req
4. some men today who've taken
a wrong turn in their livesCopy !req
5. and they're going to tell you
their stories and hopefullyCopy !req
6. make you think a little bit
about the roads you're going down.Copy !req
7. There's not going to
be any kind of fun,Copy !req
8. so you can wipe those
smiles off your faces.Copy !req
9. Right,
let's meet our first speaker.Copy !req
10. What the flip are
you looking at?Copy !req
11. You think this is funny?Copy !req
12. You think this is some kind
of mother flipping joke?Copy !req
13. Mother flippers think everything's
a mother flipping joke.Copy !req
14. Well, let me tell you, the
jokey ain't no jokey, sucker.Copy !req
15. Look at me and
what do you see?Copy !req
16. Just a bad ass brother who
made a mistake. One mistake.Copy !req
17. And now I'm staring
at you gimps.Copy !req
18. Every flippin' day!Copy !req
19. So what's my story?Copy !req
20. How did a brother get here?Copy !req
21. Well, I'll tell you.Copy !req
22. It all started when I went to
fix a printer on floor seven.Copy !req
23. As I recall, it was a Tuesday.Copy !req
24. It's a lot faster now,Copy !req
25. it's one of the advantages
of the Pentium processor.Copy !req
26. Yeah...Copy !req
27. I like your glasses.Copy !req
28. I'm afraid they're
not for sale.Copy !req
29. Ha ha.Copy !req
30. Laugh all you want,
they're not for sale.Copy !req
31. You're funny.Copy !req
32. Nikki, Nikki, Nikki!Copy !req
33. What are you talking
to Clive Sinclair for?Copy !req
34. Shut up, Rodge.Copy !req
35. Good one. Yup. I get it.Copy !req
36. You obviously don't, mate.
Come on, back in your box.Copy !req
37. Nice tie, by the way!Copy !req
38. Thank you.Copy !req
39. Roy, can you come here, please?Copy !req
40. Just hold on a second, Jen.
I'm giving phone support.Copy !req
41. Okay, so how did that go?Copy !req
42. Well, yeah, but that's an
important part of the process.Copy !req
43. Yes, if you don't
complete that part,Copy !req
44. there's no way you're going
to be able to do the next bit.Copy !req
45. Okay, so now...
Turn it back on again!Copy !req
46. People!Copy !req
47. That is rude!
What is that?Copy !req
48. Oh, Jen, I have to say, "Have you
tried turning it off and on again?"Copy !req
49. 1,000 times a day. It's
like a bloody catchphrase.Copy !req
50. If it wasn't for you and Moss
it would be the only thing I say.Copy !req
51. It doesn't matter.Copy !req
52. Don't take your bad career
decisions out on the users.Copy !req
53. I'm not saying it again today.Copy !req
54. They can just figure
it out for themselves.Copy !req
55. You'll never go a whole
day without saying it.Copy !req
56. You don't think I can?Copy !req
57. No way.Copy !req
58. I bet you £1,000 I can.Copy !req
59. That's just posturing.
£1,000.Copy !req
60. All right. Okay. £100 says
I don't say it again today.Copy !req
61. How's that for posturing?Copy !req
62. All right, you're on.
100 quid.Copy !req
63. All right.Copy !req
64. Can you come here
for a sec, please?Copy !req
65. I want you to take a
look at something.Copy !req
66. Can't I do it on the phone?Copy !req
67. Just come in!
It's like 20 feet!Copy !req
68. You all right, Moss?Copy !req
69. I don't mind telling you, Roy,Copy !req
70. that sometimes the people upstairs
cheese me off to such an extentCopy !req
71. that if I were the type
to use bad language,Copy !req
72. I'd be employing it
bitterly and repeatedly!Copy !req
73. Whoa.
Moss, that's not like you.Copy !req
74. Well, I'm sorry for
mentioning bad language.Copy !req
75. No, use bad language, Moss, please.
It'll make you feel better.Copy !req
76. Ploppers!Copy !req
77. Someone told me I need
a browser on my computer.Copy !req
78. Could you install one, please?Copy !req
79. You don't have a browser
on your computer...?Copy !req
80. What is that sound?
Is that coming from your laptop?Copy !req
81. It's not supposed to sound...
What the...? What's all that crap?Copy !req
82. Look at all this stuff! I haven't
seen that one since the '90s!Copy !req
83. Jen, I have to fix this.Copy !req
84. No, no, leave it! I
have it how I like it!Copy !req
85. How you like it? No, no,
no, Jen, it's infected!Copy !req
86. If this was a human being,
I'd shoot it in the face!Copy !req
87. I just want you to
install a browser.Copy !req
88. That's the browser there!Copy !req
89. Look at it... that's the browser.
Internet Explorer is a browser!Copy !req
90. Behind the picture of the lady.
The lady's not supposed to be there.Copy !req
91. She's only there sometimes.
But what about that, the E...Copy !req
92. But that's the button for
the internet, Roy. I don't...Copy !req
93. The button for the internet?
Jesus Christ!Copy !req
94. Oh, shut up! I'm not
a stupid geeky geek.Copy !req
95. Jen, you don't
need to be a geekCopy !req
96. to know that you need a
browser to access the internet!Copy !req
97. Yes, you do, because as soon as
you know something like that,Copy !req
98. it pushes out something
important and before you know it,Copy !req
99. you're painting little
figurines from Lord of The Rings.Copy !req
100. You know what, Jen?
Do whatever you want. I don't care.Copy !req
101. You want to walk around with
a laptop from The Exorcist,Copy !req
102. that's fine. It's not my problem.Copy !req
103. Our time is too valuable!Copy !req
104. Come on, Moss, let's go.
It's nearly one.Copy !req
105. Oh, don't forget. They're giving
a party for Ben Genderson at lunch.Copy !req
106. Ben Genderson?
How nice for him.Copy !req
107. He's been here, what?
A week? When's our party?Copy !req
108. I thought you hated parties.Copy !req
109. I like parties.
It's balloons I don't like.Copy !req
110. - Right.
- You don't like balloons?Copy !req
111. Oh, don't talk to
me about balloons.Copy !req
112. - Why?
- Balloons explode, Jen.Copy !req
113. They explode suddenly
and unexpectedly.Copy !req
114. They are filled with the capacity
to give me a little frightCopy !req
115. and I find that unbearable.Copy !req
116. Where do you want
to go for lunch?Copy !req
117. It's such a lovely day,
shall we go to the park?Copy !req
118. Yeah, let's have a
lovely lunch in the park.Copy !req
119. Roy, do you think if I hadn't
paid so much attention in schoolCopy !req
120. I'd be a different person?Copy !req
121. No.Copy !req
122. We're going to be late
for Ben Genderson's party.Copy !req
123. So? I don't want to go to that
thing. If we go to that party,Copy !req
124. do you know how many times I'm going to have
to say, "Have you..." The thing that I say?Copy !req
125. We've got to hurry up,
we're going to be in trouble.Copy !req
126. I'm not running.Copy !req
127. Can you do a fast walk?Copy !req
128. No.Copy !req
129. I'm going to do a fast walk.
See you there.Copy !req
130. I need to be at work.Copy !req
131. Sorry, sir. Whole street's closed.
Suspicious package.Copy !req
132. Come on,
let's go the long way round.Copy !req
133. We'll miss the presentation. We're
already late. We'll get in trouble.Copy !req
134. Calm down.Copy !req
135. I can't, Roy.
What are we going to do?Copy !req
136. Moss, it doesn't matter.Copy !req
137. We're going to get in trouble.Copy !req
138. You're not going
to get in trouble.Copy !req
139. Getting in trouble is something
that happens to children.Copy !req
140. You're a grown man. Come on.Copy !req
141. Why don't we bunk off?Copy !req
142. What?Copy !req
143. I was hoping to avoid Jen today
anyway. Why don't we just...Copy !req
144. We'll bunk off and make a
day of it. It'll be a laugh.Copy !req
145. Oh, gosh, I've got to take this in.
I've never bunked off in my life!Copy !req
146. What... what... what will
we do? Where will we go?Copy !req
147. You know, we'll do
bunking off kind of things.Copy !req
148. Should we be talking this close to
the police? I mean, it is illegal...Copy !req
149. Not unless you're supposed to
be in school! Will you relax?Copy !req
150. I'm excited, Roy. This is like
taking the blue pill in the Matrix.Copy !req
151. I mean, bunking off. The old
me would never have done that!Copy !req
152. Say goodbye to that guy. That
guy's history! BANG! He's gone!Copy !req
153. Could you not say "bang!"
There's a bloody bomb somewhere!Copy !req
154. Come on, let's just go.Copy !req
155. Would you stop looking
so suspicious!Copy !req
156. Which is why after one week
with us, we honour Ben Genderson.Copy !req
157. Come on, Ben, say a few words.Copy !req
158. I don't know what to...Copy !req
159. Such a lovely thing to happen.Copy !req
160. I never thought that
a major corporationCopy !req
161. would be able to focus on
one individual like this.Copy !req
162. At my last company,
I felt rather insignificant,Copy !req
163. so it's appreciated,
it really is.Copy !req
164. Cheers.Copy !req
165. Don't raise your glass too soon, Ben,
'cause this has all been one big ruse.Copy !req
166. It isn't your day at all.Copy !req
167. That's right.
I thought it high timeCopy !req
168. to give the IT Department
the attention they deserve.Copy !req
169. Where are Mark and Ray?Copy !req
170. They're not back from lunch yet.Copy !req
171. Really? I flew George Lucas
in to see them as a treat.Copy !req
172. Oh, well, Jen,
more champagne for us.Copy !req
173. Let the revels begin!Copy !req
174. Oh, yes.Copy !req
175. Sitting on the bus.Copy !req
176. On the open road.Copy !req
177. Kicking back.Copy !req
178. Just a pair of cheeky bunkers.Copy !req
179. - Couple of ne', er do wells.
- Yeah.Copy !req
180. Roy, can I clarify something?
Are we now loitering?Copy !req
181. Erm... yeah.Copy !req
182. Because it feels like travelling.Copy !req
183. Sure, but we don't want to
go where this bus is going.Copy !req
184. So there's an element of loitering.Copy !req
185. - There's an aimlessness.
- Exactly.Copy !req
186. Yeah! Who'd want to end up
going to where they wanted to be?Copy !req
187. - That's what the man wants.
- Sock it to 'em.Copy !req
188. Fools!Copy !req
189. Roy, let's glare.Copy !req
190. What?Copy !req
191. Let's glare at people,
like a couple of tough nuts.Copy !req
192. Okay! Who?Copy !req
193. Let's glare at this
sucker on his way to work.Copy !req
194. Feeding the corporate machine.Copy !req
195. - He's coming up.
- He's getting on the bus! Oh, no.Copy !req
196. Why did you suggest him?
You could've suggested anybody.Copy !req
197. - What are you looking at?
- We weren't.Copy !req
198. We thought you
were someone else.Copy !req
199. - What's it to you?
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
200. We're bunking off,
and he's excited.Copy !req
201. We're bunking off!Copy !req
202. Roy has a fear of balloons.Copy !req
203. A fear of balloons!Copy !req
204. That's the craziest thing
I've ever bloody heard!Copy !req
205. Some wine for you.Copy !req
206. - Sorry, I asked for red.
- Oh, sorry.Copy !req
207. No, no, no, leave it.Copy !req
208. This has been a success.Copy !req
209. I have had a lovely, lovely time.Copy !req
210. As thingy was saying earlier,Copy !req
211. it's easy to go unrecognised
in a big corporation,Copy !req
212. so it's appreciated,
it really is. Cheers.Copy !req
213. Don't raise your glasses too soon,
'cause this ruse has also been a ruse.Copy !req
214. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
215. let me introduce to you our new head
of hiring and firing, Ben Genderson.Copy !req
216. So, Ben, you've been circulating
throughout this fake party,Copy !req
217. coming to conclusions.Copy !req
218. Who's the obvious dead wood?Copy !req
219. Well, yes. Well,
there's Paul over there,Copy !req
220. he's been putting his
shopping on expenses.Copy !req
221. James here, he can't spell,Copy !req
222. and... Sorry, what's your name?Copy !req
223. Jeremy.Copy !req
224. Jeremy, yes.
Jeremy's a drunk.Copy !req
225. And Jen. Jen lacks
basic computer skills,Copy !req
226. like thinking that IT
stands for "internet things".Copy !req
227. Yeah. I don't really need
to know about those things.Copy !req
228. I'm a relationship manager.Copy !req
229. I manage my team,
I'm a team leader.Copy !req
230. And where's your team now?Copy !req
231. I'm sorry, I'm confused.Copy !req
232. Is this my party or not?Copy !req
233. What are we doing?Copy !req
234. We are loitering.Copy !req
235. We are shopping.Copy !req
236. We don't have any money,
so it's definitely loitering.Copy !req
237. Mark my words, in half an hour,
we shall be asked to leave.Copy !req
238. - Oh, it's Jen.
- Hello, Jen!Copy !req
239. Where are you?Copy !req
240. We're just sort of taking
a long lunch sort of thing.Copy !req
241. You can't! I've been sent an e-mail
questionnaire, have to do it today!Copy !req
242. I don't know what
you're talking about.Copy !req
243. It wasn't Ben Genderson's thing,Copy !req
244. it was our thing. And then
it was some scary thing,Copy !req
245. and now he's sent me a
questionnaire about my jobCopy !req
246. and my computer won't work!
What do I do?Copy !req
247. Is that the best you can do?
I'm not going to say it!Copy !req
248. No! No, no, no!
No, no, no!Copy !req
249. Goddammit, Roy! I didn't bunk off
so I could do some flipping perusing!Copy !req
250. I want a taste of
the apple, Roy!Copy !req
251. I want to bite the
electric tiger's tail,Copy !req
252. and ride it till the end
of the mother flipping line.Copy !req
253. Will you just calm down, Moss?Copy !req
254. - What are you doing?
- I'm shoplifting!Copy !req
255. - You've just gone insane!
- I've never felt so alive!Copy !req
256. We need to get this stuff back!Copy !req
257. Okay, they're on to us.
Let's just go.Copy !req
258. Erm, act normal.Copy !req
259. What is wrong with you?
Who are you?Copy !req
260. I don't know any more!Copy !req
261. What are we going to do?Copy !req
262. No, that's not going to work!Copy !req
263. Okay, run! Run, run, run!Copy !req
264. Come on! Come on!Copy !req
265. Hello. Do you wish for
technical assistance?Copy !req
266. Oh, God, I hate these!Copy !req
267. Sorry?Copy !req
268. What?Copy !req
269. How dare you speak
to me like that?Copy !req
270. Sorry. Can I have technical
assistance, please?Copy !req
271. Putting you through. Cow.Copy !req
272. Allo?Copy !req
273. Hello?Copy !req
274. Allo.
How can I be of assistance?Copy !req
275. What?Copy !req
276. How can I be of assistance?Copy !req
277. I've got one of your laptops.Copy !req
278. It won't get past
the loading screen.Copy !req
279. Have you tried turning
it off and on again?Copy !req
280. Yes. Look, is there
someone else I can talk to?Copy !req
281. There is no-one else available.Copy !req
282. All right, all right.Copy !req
283. What model do you have?Copy !req
284. - What model do I have?
- Yes.Copy !req
285. It's a Zubion, I think.Copy !req
286. Ah, the Zubion. I have to say,
we have been having problemsCopy !req
287. with the Zubion. Can you
press delete while starting up?Copy !req
288. I didn't get that.Copy !req
289. Can you press delete
while starting up?Copy !req
290. No.
That was worse somehow.Copy !req
291. Okay. Can...Copy !req
292. Can?Copy !req
293. Yes. Can you press...Copy !req
294. Can you press.Copy !req
295. Delete.Copy !req
296. Delete. Can I press delete?Copy !req
297. While.Copy !req
298. Wheel?Copy !req
299. While.Copy !req
300. Whhhheeeel?Copy !req
301. While. Er... during!Copy !req
302. While! While.Copy !req
303. Yes, while!Copy !req
304. Yes.Copy !req
305. Starting.Copy !req
306. Allo?Copy !req
307. Come on, Roy! Come on!
We're nearly there!Copy !req
308. It's no use.Copy !req
309. I can't. I can't.
We're going down again!Copy !req
310. How many times is that now?Copy !req
311. Oh, this is ridiculous!
I don't wanna do this any more!Copy !req
312. Oh, all right. All right.Copy !req
313. What was all that about?Copy !req
314. What?Copy !req
315. You shouldn't be messing
around on those things. Go on.Copy !req
316. Don't come back here.
I know your faces now!Copy !req
317. Bunking off was a terrible idea.Copy !req
318. I mean, you were
completely out of control.Copy !req
319. Do you even like Grand Designs?Copy !req
320. Yuh!Copy !req
321. You'll send those DVDs
back to the shop.Copy !req
322. Okay. I'm sorry, Roy.Copy !req
323. It's okay. Okay, let's just
try and get back in to work,Copy !req
324. and hopefully nobody will
have noticed we were away.Copy !req
325. Oh, my gosh!Copy !req
326. It's a robot!Copy !req
327. I've never seen one
in the wild before.Copy !req
328. Where've you come from, fella?
Huh? Where do you come from?Copy !req
329. Can we keep him, Roy? I mean,
if he doesn't belong to anyone?Copy !req
330. I just don't understand
what it's doing.Copy !req
331. I mean, this is weird.
What is it?Copy !req
332. Erm... Moss?Copy !req
333. What?Copy !req
334. Get away from it.Copy !req
335. Why?Copy !req
336. Hello, Jen!Copy !req
337. It's a robot!Copy !req
338. - Get away!
- What?Copy !req
339. Get away! Get away from it.
There's a bomb!Copy !req
340. What are you saying?Copy !req
341. There's a bomb in the bag!Copy !req
342. I think this might be a
bomb disposal robot, Roy.Copy !req
343. I know.Copy !req
344. We should move away from it.Copy !req
345. Yes. We should. But I don't
seem to be able to move.Copy !req
346. What?Copy !req
347. - I can't move.
- What do you mean, you can't move?Copy !req
348. I can't move.Copy !req
349. - You have to move, Roy.
- I can't move!Copy !req
350. I'm just having a couple
of problems with it.Copy !req
351. What kind of operating
system does it use?Copy !req
352. It's... Vista!Copy !req
353. We're going to die!Copy !req
354. Have you tried turning
it off and on again?Copy !req
355. What?Copy !req
356. Have you tried turning
it off and on again?Copy !req
357. What?Copy !req
358. Have you tried turning
it off and on again?Copy !req
359. I just won 100 quid.Copy !req
360. Okay. Hang on a second.Copy !req
361. Why are you still here?
Why haven't you run away?Copy !req
362. Come on, Roy, we're a team.
I could—Copy !req
363. Oh, wait, I could totally
run away, couldn't I?Copy !req
364. It's still not working!Copy !req
365. Oh, this is a very
common problem with Vista.Copy !req
366. I can fix this.
I can fix this, Roy!Copy !req
367. Everything's going to be okay.Copy !req
368. Right. Come here, you.Copy !req
369. Wait for me!Copy !req
370. Is there a customer
support number?Copy !req
371. Allo!
How can I be of assistance?Copy !req
372. What?Copy !req
373. So, that's my story.Copy !req
374. It ain't a pretty story,
but it's the only one I've got.Copy !req
375. And if you bozos don't
buckle up and fly right,Copy !req
376. it'll be your story too,
capice?Copy !req
377. You say you've been
having problemsCopy !req
378. with this particular
bomb disposal computer?Copy !req
379. What?Copy !req
380. You must take good care,Copy !req
381. as the slightest movement can
initiate the detonator procedure.Copy !req
382. Seems to me like the domain
link is incapacitated,Copy !req
383. so perhaps you could try
turning off the robot,Copy !req
384. and then get the man
to run away quickly?Copy !req