1. Transcript : chocolate
Synchro : JujulederCopy !req
2. The Inbetweeners 2x05
"Exam Times"Copy !req
3. All in all, it had been a strange
few months for me and my friends.Copy !req
4. My plan to raise our social standing
had been a qualified success.Copy !req
5. To be honest, if anything,
we'd slipped down the social ladder.Copy !req
6. I learned the worst way
to impress a girl.Copy !req
7. Feisty one, you are!Copy !req
8. Or kill a fish.
But the end was in sight.Copy !req
9. The end of term, the end of year,Copy !req
10. and if I didn't pass my AS levels,
the end of my life.Copy !req
11. But at least Simon was relax.Copy !req
12. Hi, Simon.Copy !req
13. - Shit!
- Revising hard?Copy !req
14. Yeah. Shit.Copy !req
15. - Are you OK?
- Sorry.Copy !req
16. Bit wet. Mum'll get it out,
though, not to worry.Copy !req
17. Sorry to disturb you.
I wanted to ask a favour.Copy !req
18. - You don't know what it is yet.
- Sorry. Go on.Copy !req
19. Can I come to yours
and revise sociology with you?Copy !req
20. Yes. God, yes.
Come over anytime. Come over now.Copy !req
21. I can't come over now.Copy !req
22. No, course not.Copy !req
23. But this is great of you.Copy !req
24. It's hard to revise at home
cos we've got the builders in.Copy !req
25. Is that a euphemism?Copy !req
26. Sorry?Copy !req
27. You know,
like having the painters in.Copy !req
28. Sorry, I don't really get it.Copy !req
29. No, don't worry,
it wasn't that funny.Copy !req
30. - What did you mean?
- Come on, what does it mean?Copy !req
31. Just,Copy !req
32. "having the painters in" means
being on your period, right?Copy !req
33. So when you said
you couldn't concentrateCopy !req
34. cos you had the builders in,Copy !req
35. I thought that might be a euphemism
for you being on your period.Copy !req
36. Right. OK, I see.Copy !req
37. - Wasn't that funny, really.
- No, it's fine. I get it.Copy !req
38. - See you tonight, then?
- Cool. See you tonight.Copy !req
39. You're going to that freak's house?Copy !req
40. So despite him behaving like a tool,Copy !req
41. Carli was actually
going round to Simon'sCopy !req
42. and even stranger things
were happening at Jay's.Copy !req
43. No, Jay.Copy !req
44. I'm not ready, sorry.Copy !req
45. No, I'm sorry.
I don't want to rush things either.Copy !req
46. - Really?
- Yeah,Copy !req
47. I'd hate for you to think
I'm only here for sex.Copy !req
48. But just so you know,
if you do want to touch me downstairs,Copy !req
49. I'm fine with that.Copy !req
50. I'm OK for now.Copy !req
51. I'd better go,
my mum's expecting me,Copy !req
52. and shouldn't you be revising?Copy !req
53. Maybe I should,Copy !req
54. but when you're near me, Chloe,
I can't think about anything else.Copy !req
55. You're so sweet.Copy !req
56. Come on, I'll walk you home.Copy !req
57. Unless you want to...Copy !req
58. - No, thanks.
- Yeah. No. Come on.Copy !req
59. Unlike the others, my revision
strategyCopy !req
60. went beyond trying to get into
girls knickers. I was studying hard,Copy !req
61. and by hard, I mean doing
anything to avoid revising.Copy !req
62. I said no, Mum,
I had a bath yesterday!Copy !req
63. All right?Copy !req
64. - It's you.
- Yeah. What is all this shit?Copy !req
65. It's not shit. The schedule
alone took me two days to make.Copy !req
66. - Look, you'll never guess...
- Don't sit down.Copy !req
67. - What?
- Don't... sit... down.Copy !req
68. Look, I came round cos
I've got the most amazing news.Copy !req
69. Carli asked me, she asked me
if she can come roundCopy !req
70. to my house to revise.Copy !req
71. Amazing, yeah?Copy !req
72. Just have a look at
this for me, will you?Copy !req
73. - Sure, what is it?
- It's my revision schedule.Copy !req
74. - So?
- Does it say,Copy !req
75. "Listen to Simon witter on about
his futile crush on Carli D'Amato"?Copy !req
76. - Don't be a dick. We're mates and...
- Goodbye, Simon!Copy !req
77. - I just wanted...
- Goodbye!Copy !req
78. Twat.Copy !req
79. Look, Simon, I told...Copy !req
80. - All right?
- Did you just see Simon?Copy !req
81. Nah, your mum let me in.
She is looking hot, if I may say.Copy !req
82. You may not.Copy !req
83. - Anyway, I need help revising.
- What subjects do you do?Copy !req
84. - What, now?
- Yes, now.Copy !req
85. - Tech and design and PE.
- PE?Copy !req
86. And that's an actual AS level
at the school I now attend, is it?Copy !req
87. Oh God! I don't know,
go for a run or something.Copy !req
88. Yes, I hadn't thought of that!
Nice one.Copy !req
89. Neil jogged home.
And later that evening,Copy !req
90. Simon had Carli where he'd always
wanted her, in his bedroom.Copy !req
91. Unfortunately, she was fully
clothed and discussing sociology.Copy !req
92. I suppose the big thing
is that Parsons' descriptionCopy !req
93. is one of the traditional
nuclear families,Copy !req
94. so it means what he says might
not be relevant for people.Copy !req
95. You could be stronger on that
like it doesn't meanCopy !req
96. his work on the family is invalid,
but it's a important qualification.Copy !req
97. Right, course.
Do you want to watch a DVD?Copy !req
98. Overall, was his theory
evolutionary or revolutionary?Copy !req
99. - Revolutionary.
- Evolutionary.Copy !req
100. Shit, I knew that.Copy !req
101. Simon, I've just brought you
some biscuits.Copy !req
102. What are you doing?
You know you're not allowed in here!Copy !req
103. All right, I'm going.
Say hello to your mum for me, Carli.Copy !req
104. Go away!Copy !req
105. - God, she's a nightmare.
- My mum's the same.Copy !req
106. When I split up with Tom,
she was always hanging aroundCopy !req
107. when I was on the phone,
trying to listen in.Copy !req
108. Right, yeah.Copy !req
109. Sorry, did you say
you'd split up with Tom?Copy !req
110. - I thought everyone knew.
- Yeah, course, they do.Copy !req
111. He's a stupid lanky twat, isn't he?Copy !req
112. - I don't really want to talk about it.
- No, course.Copy !req
113. I might put some music on.Copy !req
114. Jay got me into this.Copy !req
115. Simon, do you mind if
we do something different?Copy !req
116. Not at all.
Maybe we could watch that DVD.Copy !req
117. I'm really shitting myself
about my last exam.Copy !req
118. I know you don't do geography, but
would you mind helping me out with it?Copy !req
119. I'm finding it hard.Copy !req
120. Now?Copy !req
121. No problem at all. My pleasure.Copy !req
122. Thanks. So I thought
we'd do longshore drift first.Copy !req
123. Just turn that off.Copy !req
124. So while Simon was cramming
for an exam he wasn't sitting,Copy !req
125. Neil got learning difficulties.Copy !req
126. - How's your revision going?
- Bad. I think I pulled a hamstring.Copy !req
127. All right, benders? You missed me?Copy !req
128. Jay! All right, mate?Copy !req
129. - Where were you?
- I've been busy.Copy !req
130. - Doing what?
- I've met a girl.Copy !req
131. Yeah! What's this one,
a Russian lap dancer?Copy !req
132. No. Her name's Chloe
and she goes to St Claire's.Copy !req
133. We were at the bus stop,
and just got chatting.Copy !req
134. Did you fuck her
behind the bus shelter?Copy !req
135. - No, Neil.
- Fingers?Copy !req
136. - No.
- Let's see a picture.Copy !req
137. Yeah, of her strumming herself.Copy !req
138. Neil, can you stop
talking like that?Copy !req
139. - Why?
- Because I've never felt thisCopy !req
140. about a bird before.Copy !req
141. Chloe's special.Copy !req
142. More special than them twins
that only wanted anal?Copy !req
143. What, them? No, yeah, no. This is
different. That was purely sexual.Copy !req
144. Chloe's a real lady.Copy !req
145. If she's real,
you should have a photo.Copy !req
146. There you go.Copy !req
147. Hot stuff!Copy !req
148. - She seems nice, mate.
- Yeah, she's good.Copy !req
149. You've nicked that off
girl's Facebook site.Copy !req
150. - I thought you were revising.
- I'm trying to butCopy !req
151. it's impossible with the amount
of noise you idiots are making.Copy !req
152. Here we are together.
I've got loads of 'em.Copy !req
153. - Doesn't prove anything.
- And do you love her, then?Copy !req
154. - Fuck off.
- No denial.Copy !req
155. - You fucking love her.
- Shut up!Copy !req
156. Yeah! I thought I recognised her.
She pulled David Glover.Copy !req
157. - Don't be a tit, course she hasn't.
- I think she has.Copy !req
158. One, she's not like that,
and two, she doesn't know anyoneCopy !req
159. - from our school.
- I'll ask. Oi, David!Copy !req
160. - What?
- Neil, don't. Seriously, don't.Copy !req
161. Please don't.Copy !req
162. Nothing.Copy !req
163. Twat.Copy !req
164. Honestly, Neil, she doesn't
know anyone from our school.Copy !req
165. Ask her yourself.Copy !req
166. We're going down the Fox and Hounds
after the last exam.Copy !req
167. - Come along.
- And what? Not get served?Copy !req
168. No, Chloe reckons she gets
served there all the time.Copy !req
169. - And... Wear your wellies, Neil.
- Why?Copy !req
170. Cos you'll be knee deep
in grammar school clunge.Copy !req
171. So, somehow, Jay had an
actual non-fictional girlfriend.Copy !req
172. But I wouldn't let it distract me
from my new revision strategy,Copy !req
173. staring at books
and praying something went in.Copy !req
174. - Hello.
- Hello.Copy !req
175. Sorry about the other night.Copy !req
176. It's just, politics is really important
to me and it's my last exam.Copy !req
177. - I didn't mean to be a dick.
- You were a dick.Copy !req
178. Fine. Better get back to it.Copy !req
179. Sure.Copy !req
180. Why are you revising geography?
You don't do geography!Copy !req
181. They letting you
take an extra AS level?Copy !req
182. No, it's for Carli.
She just needs a bit of extra help.Copy !req
183. So when are you revising
for your own exams?Copy !req
184. You know, the ones
in the next couple of days?Copy !req
185. I'm not really.
I can always resit.Copy !req
186. - How's your revision going?
- Not bad.Copy !req
187. Good. Got an excellent schedule sorted,
colour-coded and balancing my time well,Copy !req
188. got some drinks here to help,
Pro Plus that sort of thing.Copy !req
189. Right.Copy !req
190. And nothing's fucking going in!Copy !req
191. Nothing. I mean look at this...Copy !req
192. I must have read about the
Accountability of LegislaturesCopy !req
193. to Citizens 50 times and
I still don't know what it means!Copy !req
194. I'm starting to doubt if
"Legislatures" is even a word!Copy !req
195. It doesn't look like a word
any more, none of them do.Copy !req
196. They just look like
squiggles on a page!Copy !req
197. Is this a word?Copy !req
198. Yes. Council.Copy !req
199. Is it?Copy !req
200. It doesn't look right.Copy !req
201. I think you probably need
a bit more sleep.Copy !req
202. And maybe lay off
the power drinks a bit?Copy !req
203. These are full of electrolytes which,
if they exist, are good for my brain.Copy !req
204. Think of your stomach though.Copy !req
205. Even one of those drinks makes
my shits come out too fast.Copy !req
206. I'm just saying. Like rusty water.Copy !req
207. It was a novel revision tip,
I'll give him that.Copy !req
208. But when it came to advice,
the real man to go to was Mr Cartwright.Copy !req
209. - All right, Dad?
- I'm OK.Copy !req
210. - Can I ask your advice about something?
- What is it, woman trouble?Copy !req
211. Yes, it is.Copy !req
212. The girl from the other day?Copy !req
213. - There's this guy at school, OK?
- So she's dumped you for this bloke?Copy !req
214. That's a lucky escape,
I thought she was a fucking pig.Copy !req
215. No, she hasn't dumped me, Dad.Copy !req
216. - I think I love her.
- So you're back with her?Copy !req
217. Dad, we didn't split up
and please don't call her a pig.Copy !req
218. It's just that
I'm getting a bit jealous, cosCopy !req
219. I think she might have seen
a few more people than I have.Copy !req
220. I'd say that's a given, isn't it?
If she's got offCopy !req
221. with more than one person
she's beaten you hands down.Copy !req
222. Look mate,
women are like fairground rides.Copy !req
223. Fucking mental.Copy !req
224. Your only hope is
when she wants some,Copy !req
225. you do the best you can
with your tiny equipment.Copy !req
226. And check
where she is the whole time,Copy !req
227. that's the only way you'll be sure
she's not sucking off this other bloke.Copy !req
228. Right.Copy !req
229. Thanks.Copy !req
230. Although let's face it,
she probably is.Copy !req
231. Fancy a beer?Copy !req
232. Thanks for coming round,
it's a really nice surprise.Copy !req
233. That's all right.
Just wanted to be near you.Copy !req
234. Check how and where you are.Copy !req
235. That's sweet.Copy !req
236. I'll just get this last bit done
and then I'm all yours.Copy !req
237. Cool.Copy !req
238. - Did you pull David Glover?
- What?Copy !req
239. - David Glover, did you pull him?
- I don't know who that is.Copy !req
240. - It's just Neil said...
- Your friend Neil?Copy !req
241. - Yeah, do you know him, too?
- No, it's just you mention him a lot.Copy !req
242. Right, course.Copy !req
243. Anyway.Copy !req
244. - Do you want to come mine tomorrow?
- I can't.Copy !req
245. - Why, where are you going?
- Well, nowhere.Copy !req
246. So you'll be home then?Copy !req
247. Yeah.
Shouldn't you be revising as well?Copy !req
248. Nah, I'm not allowed to.
Teachers say cosCopy !req
249. I've got a photographic memory
it wouldn't be fair on the other kids.Copy !req
250. If Jay's made-up memory skill is a
bad revision plan, then Neil's topped itCopy !req
251. sitting on his arse
playing computer games.Copy !req
252. Neil, I really think
you should be revising.Copy !req
253. I am, this is football.Copy !req
254. Well, what about your other
subjects, tech and design?Copy !req
255. - I put that shelf up, didn't up?
- Was that for your exam?Copy !req
256. Yeah. Well, it was 50% of it.Copy !req
257. So, whilst Neil wasn't revising
for an exam he was taking,Copy !req
258. Simon was revising
for an exam he wasn't.Copy !req
259. Perfect answer. You're perfect.Copy !req
260. At this.Copy !req
261. God, I think I do know it. Amazing.Copy !req
262. You've done really,
really well. Honestly.Copy !req
263. I couldn't have done it
without you, thanks so much.Copy !req
264. - It's late, I should go.
- Sure.Copy !req
265. God, maybe I'll actually
pass geography now.Copy !req
266. Thanks again.Copy !req
267. So, he'd finally worn her down.Copy !req
268. And Simon didn't know whether to come
in his pants or text his friends.Copy !req
269. In the end, he did both.Copy !req
270. It was the day of my last exam, and I'd
just got in a good eight hours revision.Copy !req
271. Unfortunately, it was during the eight
hours I should have been sleeping.Copy !req
272. What are you doing up?
I thought the politics examCopy !req
273. - wasn't until this afternoon?
- Yes, but this wayCopy !req
274. I can get a full morning of revision in.
Better to be prepared.Copy !req
275. And I've not been to bed,
so what's early?Copy !req
276. I am worried about you, petal.
Have you had some breakfast?Copy !req
277. No, I'm a bit, you know, my stomach.Copy !req
278. Yes, I do know. Would it have killed you
to wipe the back of the toilet bowl?Copy !req
279. So, while the world was falling out
of my arse, Simon was on top of it.Copy !req
280. - I can't believe she kissed me.
- Calm down, it was only a kiss.Copy !req
281. Come to me when you're wanking
over her arse as she frigs herself off.Copy !req
282. It was two kisses actually, and she's
told me she's coming to the pub tonightCopy !req
283. So I reckon more's coming.Copy !req
284. - How's Chloe?
- Yeah, she's good.Copy !req
285. Not seen her a lot cos she's revising,
but I know where she's been.Copy !req
286. And I text her 15, 16 times a day
to keep in touch, y'know.Copy !req
287. - Good idea.
- Send her facebook messages and that.Copy !req
288. Bebo, myspace, just to let
her know I'm thinking of her.Copy !req
289. - Like a stalker.
- Fuck off.Copy !req
290. - How's Count Spacula been getting on?
- Going mental I think.Copy !req
291. We'll probably see him when we finish,
his last exam is straight after ours.Copy !req
292. - Good luck with your PE.
- Don't forget your kit.Copy !req
293. Fuck.Copy !req
294. The moment had arrived.
The last exams.Copy !req
295. Simon and Jay both knew
they had sacrificedCopy !req
296. their chances of good grades
for a shot at love.Copy !req
297. A sweet, if remarkably
short-sighted decision.Copy !req
298. While had Neil sacrificed his chances
of keeping his balls in his underpants.Copy !req
299. But then, for them, it was all over,
bar one last bollocking from Gilbert.Copy !req
300. I checked your texts
and despite almost making me vomitCopy !req
301. they obviously weren't about the exam.
Count yourself lucky.Copy !req
302. I was texting a girl, sir.Copy !req
303. Well, good luck with her Cartwright.Copy !req
304. All I can say is she can't be too keen
cos it didn't buzz once.Copy !req
305. Now piss off and let me get
this final piece of hell over with.Copy !req
306. - Fuck me, it's Shaun of the dead.
- You look dreadful mate, really tired.Copy !req
307. Why do you think
I'm drinking these energy drinks?Copy !req
308. - They perk me up.
- Have you washed?Copy !req
309. You can't revise in the shower,
Jay, the books get wet!Copy !req
310. Do us a favour and have a shower
before tonight. Seven at mine.Copy !req
311. - You betcha.
- Right.Copy !req
312. - See you later.
- Good luck, stinky.Copy !req
313. It was the most important exam
of my life, and as I sat there,Copy !req
314. two thoughts occurred to me.
The first was, "What's the point?"Copy !req
315. Seriously? I mean,
what is the point in being alive?Copy !req
316. And secondly, I really need a shit.Copy !req
317. - What is it now, MacKenzie?
- Sir, I need to go to the toilet.Copy !req
318. - Again?
- Yes.Copy !req
319. - Well, you can't.
- I'm sorry?Copy !req
320. That will be the fourth time in a hour.
You'll have to wait.Copy !req
321. I'm pretty sure
you can't do that, sir.Copy !req
322. If I have reason to believe
you're cheating I can.Copy !req
323. And I do, so I have.
Now get on with your paper.Copy !req
324. Oh, God, no.Copy !req
325. Jesus.Copy !req
326. I thought it was a fart, sir.Copy !req
327. I thought it was safe!Copy !req
328. In a term of low-points, this was it.
Literally the bottom.Copy !req
329. Yet as I waddled to the toilet,
I felt strangely optimistic.Copy !req
330. Things couldn't get worse.Copy !req
331. Painful as it may seem, in a way,
I was free.Copy !req
332. Free to reinvent myself
as whatever I wanted.Copy !req
333. Right after I changed my underpants.Copy !req
334. At least I still had my friends,Copy !req
335. who waited a whole 10 minutes
before going to the pub without me.Copy !req
336. What's happened?
Will's not normally late.Copy !req
337. He's normally irritatingly early.
I hope he's OK.Copy !req
338. He's probably on the net looking up
the answers to exam questions.Copy !req
339. - And then having a wank.
- What?Copy !req
340. It's impossible, innit?Copy !req
341. I don't think I've ever been on the net
and not ended up having a wank.Copy !req
342. - You think Chloe and Carli will get on?
- Yes, it'll be like a cool double date.Copy !req
343. - Ending with both of us getting some.
- Maybe they'll lez off?Copy !req
344. Neil, I've told you.
This is your last warning.Copy !req
345. - Do you think you'll get served here?
- Course. I've got ID.Copy !req
346. - G'day.
- What can I get you?Copy !req
347. - Two jars of lager and a coke.
- Stella all right?Copy !req
348. Cheers.Copy !req
349. - Fucking hell.
- Nice!Copy !req
350. The one time we get served
and I'm driving. Bollocks.Copy !req
351. It'll be better to be sober
when you see Carli.Copy !req
352. I mean, Chloe prefers it.Copy !req
353. You know what I used
to be like with the old drink.Copy !req
354. Hello!Copy !req
355. Fuck me. I thought you dressed
like a twat normally,Copy !req
356. but, even for you, that's shit.Copy !req
357. - Where have you been?
- Just finished my exam.Copy !req
358. - It started six hours ago.
- I was a bit delayed.Copy !req
359. You look mental.
Take your tie off at least.Copy !req
360. Why are you wearing
tracksuit bottoms?Copy !req
361. The tracksuit bottoms
are from lost property,Copy !req
362. as are my new underpants,
which I won't show you.Copy !req
363. And what's in that bag?Copy !req
364. Well, in there are the trousers
and pants I wore to school this morning.Copy !req
365. What? Are you doing
a fashion show or something?Copy !req
366. It's a long story, Neil,
but the salient facts are these:Copy !req
367. recently, I've had a nervy tummy,
due to stress, I think.Copy !req
368. And all the energy drinks
and Pro Plus.Copy !req
369. Perhaps. And in the exam
I took a risk and it backfired.Copy !req
370. I went to fart and, instead,Copy !req
371. shit myself.Copy !req
372. - You're joking.
- No, I'm not.Copy !req
373. - In front of everyone?
- Yep.Copy !req
374. Oh, my God.Copy !req
375. Yes. And because of my high heart rate,
the school nurse spent three hoursCopy !req
376. calming me down before I went back
into an empty exam hall to finish.Copy !req
377. Hence I am late. Apologies.Copy !req
378. - And how did you?
- I thinkCopy !req
379. I might have failed, Neil.
I was a bit distracted.Copy !req
380. Why didn't you go home and change?
People will take the piss, mate.Copy !req
381. Just to reiterate, I loudly shit myself
in front of the school.Copy !req
382. I can't hide it.Copy !req
383. Life doesn't get much more
embarrassing than that.Copy !req
384. This get-up is a mere fly
in the ointment.Copy !req
385. Have you gone mad?Copy !req
386. Possibly, hard to tell.
Drinks, anyone?Copy !req
387. Now, what could make this day worse?
Oh, yeah. Not getting served.Copy !req
388. - Hello. Could I have a pint of lager?
- Stella?Copy !req
389. Sorry, you may have misheard.
I said I'd like a pint of lager.Copy !req
390. - Yeah. Stella?
- Yes. Right.Copy !req
391. - Well. What if I want two pints?
- Two pints?Copy !req
392. There you go.Copy !req
393. What about this?Copy !req
394. - He's going to get drunk, I reckon.
- Be dressed like that is weird enough,Copy !req
395. but that bag's got
his shitty clothes in it.Copy !req
396. No-one brings a bag of shit
to a pub.Copy !req
397. - Your dad does.
- Does he?Copy !req
398. Your mum.Copy !req
399. Brilliant!Copy !req
400. That'll be £6.20, please.Copy !req
401. Interesting.Copy !req
402. I'll have another pint then, please.Copy !req
403. - Hi Jay.
- Chloe!Copy !req
404. Darling, this is Neil and Simon.
This is Chloe.Copy !req
405. - Nice to meet you.
- Hi.Copy !req
406. - Do you want a drink, babes?
- Actually, Jay,Copy !req
407. - could we go and have a chat outside?
- Yeah, course.Copy !req
408. I only want to be with you anyway.Copy !req
409. I see these twats all the time.Copy !req
410. Yeah, go on. Muff before mates.Copy !req
411. Just the two of us then.Copy !req
412. - And Will.
- Yeah. Not sure he'll be joining us.Copy !req
413. We'll still have a laugh.
Me and you.Copy !req
414. - Yeah, course. Cheers, mate.
- Cheers.Copy !req
415. Nice idea.
This is much more private.Copy !req
416. I've been wanting
to kiss you for ages.Copy !req
417. - I've missed you so much.
- No, Jay.Copy !req
418. Listen, we need to talk.Copy !req
419. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
420. I love our talks,Copy !req
421. where you tell me about how you've like
fallen out with one of your matesCopy !req
422. and how you've made up again
later or something.Copy !req
423. No, I mean, talk about us.Copy !req
424. It's not you, it's me.
I just don't feel this is right anymore.Copy !req
425. What's not right?
What, coming to the pub?Copy !req
426. - We can leave, if you like.
- No, Jay.Copy !req
427. Me and you.Copy !req
428. I just don't think it's right
we see each other anymore.Copy !req
429. I think you're a bit
too sensitive for me.Copy !req
430. No, I'm not. I'm really not.Copy !req
431. - I promise you.
- You are for me.Copy !req
432. And you're a bit needy,
it's scared me.Copy !req
433. I'm not ready
for that kind of thing.Copy !req
434. All the texting, all the calls,
it's too intense, it's too much.Copy !req
435. I can change. I'll change.Copy !req
436. You know,
I won't call for ages, for weeks.Copy !req
437. You know, tell me what you want me
to be and I'll be exactly that.Copy !req
438. I'll be exactly that. Just...Copy !req
439. Please don't split up with me.Copy !req
440. I'm sorry, Jay,
I've made up my mind.Copy !req
441. I hope we can be friends.Copy !req
442. Right. Yeah.Copy !req
443. - Course.
- Cool.Copy !req
444. Have a nice evening.
See you later.Copy !req
445. While Jay struggled to cope
with his problems,Copy !req
446. I'd found an excellent way
to deal with mine.Copy !req
447. This is fantastic.Copy !req
448. No wonder so many people
drink away their whole lives.Copy !req
449. Barkeep, another pint, please.Copy !req
450. Sure.Copy !req
451. So while I gave my liver a kicking,Copy !req
452. Simon and Neil were enjoying
each other's company.Copy !req
453. - Why don't we go and...
- Hold on a second.Copy !req
454. Hi, Simon.Copy !req
455. Hi.Copy !req
456. - I've made you a CD.
- Right.Copy !req
457. - Thanks.
- It's nothing.Copy !req
458. The songs on it do say things
I want to say, but sort of better.Copy !req
459. Listen,
I've got to tell you something.Copy !req
460. Oh, God, I know. I feel it too.Copy !req
461. I've always felt it for years
and now it's happened and here we are.Copy !req
462. I'm back with Tom.Copy !req
463. You all right, Simon?
Get us a seat, Carls.Copy !req
464. I'll get the drinks in, OK?Copy !req
465. You're back with Tom.Copy !req
466. That was what you wanted to say?
Not that you love...Copy !req
467. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
468. Do you want to join us for a drink?Copy !req
469. Better get back to Neil.
I left him on his own.Copy !req
470. I should take that CD back as well,
I think.Copy !req
471. - Can't I keep it?
- No, I've got to have it back.Copy !req
472. That's a shame. It looks really...Copy !req
473. - Are those drawings of me?
- Not all of you.Copy !req
474. And is that you?Copy !req
475. See ya!Copy !req
476. Goodbye, cruel pants.Copy !req
477. All right, you big poof?Copy !req
478. Where's your bit then?Copy !req
479. I thought you'd be out here
up to your nuts in guts.Copy !req
480. Nah. I had to,Copy !req
481. I had to give her the boot.Copy !req
482. Did you?Copy !req
483. - I thought you were really into her?
- Nah!Copy !req
484. She was like...Copy !req
485. Frigid.Copy !req
486. And...
She wouldn't have this threesomeCopy !req
487. even though I organised it
with a top lezza model.Copy !req
488. And...Copy !req
489. My cock was too big for her.Copy !req
490. It's all right, mate.Copy !req
491. It'll be OK.Copy !req
492. Have you two kissing?Copy !req
493. - What's wrong with Jay?
- It's OK.Copy !req
494. He's split up with Chloe.Copy !req
495. - I dumped her.
- Make sure you tell people that.Copy !req
496. - Yeah, course, mate.
- What, even though it isn't true?Copy !req
497. Come on, let's go.
This place is cursed.Copy !req
498. My God. It's haunted?Copy !req
499. - No, Neil.
- Well, it might be.Copy !req
500. Like one of those ghost stories,
Harry Potter or the Bible.Copy !req
501. Maybe I could have one more pint?
I did shit myself at school today.Copy !req
502. - No, we're off.
- What about Carli?Copy !req
503. - She dumped him.
- I wasn't dumped. It was...Copy !req
504. It was more a mutual decision.Copy !req
505. She mutually decided
she fancied her boyfriend more?Copy !req
506. Come on, Jay.Copy !req
507. - Come on, mate. You'll be all right.
- We'll get you some chips.Copy !req
508. I think now's a good time to tell
you I'll probably puke in your car.Copy !req
509. - Great!
- Don't worry.Copy !req
510. It won't make this shit heap
any worse.Copy !req
511. - Shotgun!
- You've perked up.Copy !req
512. Yeah, well, I suppose
there's plenty more clunge in the sea.Copy !req
513. That's it.Copy !req
514. Top year next year,
so we'll pick the birds.Copy !req
515. - Yeah.
- God, next term.Copy !req
516. Anyone's going to remember
my accident, right?Copy !req
517. Yes. Of course they will.Copy !req
518. Well, they won't call you
Briefcase Mong anymore.Copy !req
519. - That's good.
- No, they'll call you Shitpants Mong.Copy !req
520. - Or Shitty Shitty Bang Bang.
- Any more?Copy !req
521. Wayne Pooney. Take Shat.Copy !req
522. Dr Poo.Copy !req
523. The Lion, The Witch
and The Specky Kid Who Shit Himself.Copy !req
524. - We can keep this up all summer.
- Brilliant. Looking forward to it.Copy !req
525. Brad Shit.Copy !req
526. - Bumlog Millionaire!
- All right!Copy !req
527. - How about Vladimir Pootin?
- Who?Copy !req