1. JujulederCopy !req
2. The Inbetweeners 2x04
"Night Out in London"Copy !req
3. In case you're interested,
at my old school the day beganCopy !req
4. with prayers, followed by hymns
and then an inspirational reading.Copy !req
5. Here it began with Jay,
showing me a pornographic video.Copy !req
6. Watch this.Copy !req
7. This is tame. They're not even naked.
Wait a minute, is she gonna...?Copy !req
8. Oh, my God, that can't be real.Copy !req
9. - It's chocolate?
- They should've got a bigger cup.Copy !req
10. - How tame is that, then?
- Oh, Christ, I'm gonna heave.Copy !req
11. Jesus wept! Don't lick it!Copy !req
12. - She's gonna vomit.
- Me too.Copy !req
13. This is the best bit, look.Copy !req
14. - Is it possible to un-see things?
- I don't like girls anymore.Copy !req
15. The first thing you did was find that
with your new laptop?Copy !req
16. No, it wasn't the first thing.
This was the first thing.Copy !req
17. You lot are such saddos.Copy !req
18. - Enough, we can't carry on like this!
- Carry on like what?Copy !req
19. We can't spend another term treading
water, being the same old sad cases.Copy !req
20. - Well, I'm not a sad case.
- You just got called a sad case!Copy !req
21. - Look, we've got to do something.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
22. Carpe diem!Copy !req
23. - Go fishing?
- Seize the day, be unexpected.Copy !req
24. Reinvent ourselves, show the girls
and everyone else who we really are.Copy !req
25. - Reinvent ourselves as what?
- I don't know!Copy !req
26. Literally anything! Something cool.Copy !req
27. We could...
Start going clubbing in London.Copy !req
28. - My dad wouldn't let me drive so far.
- That's the spirit!Copy !req
29. I could drive us.
I got a car last weekend.Copy !req
30. You've got a car?
You haven't even passed your test.Copy !req
31. - Yes, I have.
- You never thought to mention it?Copy !req
32. - You never asked.
- Of course, I forgot how it works.Copy !req
33. We have to ask you every single thing
that might have happened in case it did.Copy !req
34. This is brilliant.
Now we don't have to drive aroundCopy !req
35. - in Simon's little bitch mobile.
- No more lifts for you.Copy !req
36. What about that, Si?
If you don't have to drive, you come?Copy !req
37. It's not the driving.
It's more that we won't get in anywhere,Copy !req
38. won't get served
and might get robbed, stabbed or killed.Copy !req
39. Bullshit!Copy !req
40. I go up to London all the time.Copy !req
41. - When do you ever go to London?
- All the time!Copy !req
42. I went last weekend,
I fucked some girl up there.Copy !req
43. Did you? Where was that, then?Copy !req
44. - It was in... The Tower of London.
- The Tower of London?Copy !req
45. What did you do after you'd fucked her,
cut her head off?Copy !req
46. - Showed her the crown jewels?
- She'd already seen the crown jewelsCopy !req
47. - my bell-end.
- Brilliant.Copy !req
48. Reinventing ourselves as clubbers
was a brilliant idea of mine.Copy !req
49. Obviously, we wouldn't get in anywhere,
but Simon could at least give it a go.Copy !req
50. - Go on, Si, please come along.
- But it'll be expensive.Copy !req
51. Don't some of those clubs
charge 30 quid to get in?Copy !req
52. I've already told you, I know the bloke
who runs all the doors.Copy !req
53. He'll slip us in.Copy !req
54. And when that turns out
to be bullshit, what then?Copy !req
55. - Hi, Simon!
- Carli!Copy !req
56. How's your stomach?Copy !req
57. Fine.Copy !req
58. Simon had really bad
diarrhoea over the weekend.Copy !req
59. Really bad.Copy !req
60. We're going up to London on Saturday,
clubbing. Do you want to come?Copy !req
61. Sounds fun, we'd love to go.
Which club are you going to?Copy !req
62. - Spearmint Rhino.
- Isn't that a strip club?Copy !req
63. It's a mistake.
We're going to one of the big ones,Copy !req
64. one of the big cool ones
in the downtown.Copy !req
65. Right, which one?Copy !req
66. - The Land of...
- The Sound of...Copy !req
67. - We usually go to the Astoria.
- And that's exactly where we're going.Copy !req
68. - Cool.
- I'm driving if you want a lift.Copy !req
69. Nah, we'll probably head up early,
check out the shops.Copy !req
70. - A lift back would be great, though.
- No problemo.Copy !req
71. - So, do you go clubbing a lot, then?
- Me?Copy !req
72. Yeah, you.Copy !req
73. Yeah, yeah, course.
Dancing on the podium probably,Copy !req
74. or up by the speakers, where it's,
if anything, too loud!Copy !req
75. - Great. See you there.
- See you.Copy !req
76. Great. See you later, then.Copy !req
77. What did I tell you?
London and muff go hand in hand.Copy !req
78. Fucking hell,
I'm going on a date with Carli!Copy !req
79. - It's not really a date.
- I think it is.Copy !req
80. - I reckon you're in there, too.
- Me?Copy !req
81. - Why do you think that?
- Cos she touched her hair!Copy !req
82. In body language speak,
that means she wants you.Copy !req
83. Well, Saturday night,Copy !req
84. there will be plenty of girls round me
touching their hair.Copy !req
85. - Their pubic hair, presumably?
- No,Copy !req
86. their...Copy !req
87. long...Copy !req
88. No, yeah, their pubic hair.Copy !req
89. Saturday rolled around,Copy !req
90. and we were all incredibly excited
about our night out in London.Copy !req
91. Rachel, an actual girl with a working
face, had asked me if I was going,Copy !req
92. Simon got to continue
his stalking of Carli,Copy !req
93. Neil just liked being out
in the open, like a Labrador,Copy !req
94. and Jay was up for some make-believe
sex in a tourist attraction,Copy !req
95. maybe a hand-job at Madame Tussauds.Copy !req
96. I had no idea
how we'd actually get into a club,Copy !req
97. but I wasn't taking any chances
and wore my smartest shoes,Copy !req
98. something Simon didn't do.Copy !req
99. - Trainers, really?
- They look good.Copy !req
100. I specifically said no trainers,
not if we want to get into clubs.Copy !req
101. - Everyone wears trainers.
- Jay hasn't got trainers on,Copy !req
102. I haven't got trainers on.Copy !req
103. You've got fucking flippers on!
What size are they?Copy !req
104. Size eight, my size.Copy !req
105. Yeah, Ronald McDonald called,
he wants his shoes back.Copy !req
106. There's nothing wrong with these,
they're Italian.Copy !req
107. Hey! Where are my-a flippers?Copy !req
108. - If you fall in the Thames, you're OK.
- Very funny!Copy !req
109. Would it have killed you
to wear shoes to be on the safe side?Copy !req
110. Check out Neil's car!Copy !req
111. Yeah! It's shit-hot!Copy !req
112. I'd say half-right. It's shit.Copy !req
113. But a rubbish red Nova wasn't
the main attraction at Neil's house.Copy !req
114. Hi, Katie!Copy !req
115. - He's upstairs.
- So how's things with you?Copy !req
116. Yeah! I feel like
I haven't seen you in ages.Copy !req
117. Neil! Your friends want to know
if you're coming out to play.Copy !req
118. - Coming!
- Katie, do you like clubbing?Copy !req
119. Can you stop staring at my tits,
please?Copy !req
120. - She must be on the blob.
- All right?Copy !req
121. - What do you think of the car, then?
- It's like a tractor beam for fanny.Copy !req
122. I love it!Copy !req
123. It's got a Piper exhaust
and a well smart body-kit.Copy !req
124. My sister's boyfriend is helping me,
he's a mechanic.Copy !req
125. Your dad must like
to have a man in the house.Copy !req
126. - What?
- It means,Copy !req
127. - "Does your dad suck him off?"
- No!Copy !req
128. - But your sister does.
- No!Copy !req
129. - Well, I mean, she might do.
- She definitely does.Copy !req
130. Nice, Porsche Engineering sticker.Copy !req
131. I know. I put that on myself,
it's gotta be worth at least a hand-job.Copy !req
132. How fast does it go?Copy !req
133. - Who knows? I ain't got it going yet.
- You've never drive it?Copy !req
134. Nah, it don't work,
it ain't got an engine.Copy !req
135. - Dave's still trying to find me one.
- You said you could drive us.Copy !req
136. Yeah, so did I.Copy !req
137. So how do you plan to drive us up there
without a car?Copy !req
138. - I thought I could drive your car.
- But you're not insured with my car.Copy !req
139. - Yeah, I wondered about that.
- Oh, well,Copy !req
140. - Simon, you're gonna have to drive us.
- No! I said no,Copy !req
141. and my dad will go mental
if he knows that.Copy !req
142. He won't find out.Copy !req
143. And even if he does, you'll have far
too many fingers up Carli to care.Copy !req
144. Please?Copy !req
145. - Christ, thanks a lot, Neil!
- You need to be clearer about things.Copy !req
146. OK, is this clear enough?
You're a fucking idiot!Copy !req
147. Calm down!
I'll get some beers for the trip.Copy !req
148. - I can't drink and drive!
- Course you can, it's just a saying!Copy !req
149. So Jay liberated a few of his
dad's lagers and we were off.Copy !req
150. The plan was simple:
get to London, get into a club,Copy !req
151. pull Carli and Rachel and then
return to school on MondayCopy !req
152. to find our credibility
at an all-time high.Copy !req
153. I said it was simple, not realistic.Copy !req
154. Meanwhile, we can enjoy
the enlightening conversation.Copy !req
155. Here, who would you rather fuck,
Will's mum or Neil's sister?Copy !req
156. - Good!
- Leave it out!Copy !req
157. - Will's mum.
- Don't join in, Neil!Copy !req
158. Neil's sister would have
the tighter snatch.Copy !req
159. - Leave it out!
- But Will's mum has got huge tits.Copy !req
160. - They are amazing.
- Thanks, Neil.Copy !req
161. But Neil's sister seems
to be better at sucking dick.Copy !req
162. - Like father like daughter.
- Yes,Copy !req
163. I could see her going at it
like a dog eating hot chips.Copy !req
164. Shut up!Copy !req
165. - I'd like to put my cock in them both.
- That's a touching sentiment.Copy !req
166. - I'd touch your mum's sentiment.
- That means nothing.Copy !req
167. It means I'd touch her bum-hole,
with my cock.Copy !req
168. Nice one!Copy !req
169. I've thought about it,
and I'd rather fuck Will's mum.Copy !req
170. Are you sure?
What about your sister's tight snatch?Copy !req
171. - No, totally sure.
- Well, that's good, then.Copy !req
172. Slow down a minute, Si.Copy !req
173. Bus wankers!Copy !req
174. Where did that come from?
Bus wankers!Copy !req
175. I dunno, it just felt right!Copy !req
176. You could see their little faces
drop as they thought,Copy !req
177. "We must be the bus wankers."Copy !req
178. - Pull over, Si. I need a piss.
- I can't pull over, there's a bus lane.Copy !req
179. Please, I'm desperate.Copy !req
180. Just hold it, we're late enough.Copy !req
181. What are you doing?Copy !req
182. - Are you pissing in my car?
- Nah.Copy !req
183. - What's that noise, then?
- I'm pissing in a can.Copy !req
184. What the fuck!
You'll get piss on the floor!Copy !req
185. Don't worry, it won't overflow.
I've got me chap's-eye right in there,Copy !req
186. so I can't miss. No problemo.Copy !req
187. It stinks, Neil!Copy !req
188. - It don't wanna stop.
- What is the "it"?Copy !req
189. - Just stop pissing yourself, Neil!
- Quick, pass me another can!Copy !req
190. No way.Copy !req
191. It's filled up to the top,
I've got to get it out!Copy !req
192. Shit!Copy !req
193. My helmet!Copy !req
194. I've cut it on the can!
I think it's bleeding!Copy !req
195. Fuck bleeding! Is it still pissing?Copy !req
196. - It stings!
- Does anybody want to swap seats?Copy !req
197. - I will!
- Not you!Copy !req
198. Get rid of it!Copy !req
199. So high on the smell of Neil's urine, we
headed for the bright lights of London.Copy !req
200. Look out, ladies,
phase one was complete.Copy !req
201. We had finally made it to London.Copy !req
202. And we even managed to
see all the sights...Copy !req
203. Because Simon got us
totally fucking lost.Copy !req
204. - It must be somewhere round here.
- I knew we'd get lost.Copy !req
205. - Thanks a lot, Neil.
- Is it my fault you're a shit driver?Copy !req
206. - Carli will be mad if I'm late.
- You need to grow some balls, I reckon.Copy !req
207. Why not pull over and ask someone
where the club full of clunge is?Copy !req
208. I've got google maps on my phone!Copy !req
209. Should be able to find it,
no problemo!Copy !req
210. Neil, you have to stop...Copy !req
211. - No, Jay! Because...
- Go on.Copy !req
212. Bus wankers!Copy !req
213. - Why are you slowing down?
- I tried to say!Copy !req
214. - Oh, Christ, Jay!
- Oh shit!Copy !req
215. No, they're coming! Shit! Drive!Copy !req
216. Where?
Where am I meant to drive to?Copy !req
217. - Anywhere!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
218. Anywhere...Copy !req
219. But the pavement.Copy !req
220. Listen...Copy !req
221. Sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry, I...Copy !req
222. Who's a wanker?
I'm a wanker, am I? Yeah?Copy !req
223. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
- Yeah? Yeah?Copy !req
224. - He said he was sorry.
- I'm a wanker, yeah?Copy !req
225. I'm really sorry...Copy !req
226. I'm sorry.Copy !req
227. Sorry...Copy !req
228. I'd rather be a bus wanker than
drive that piece of yellow shit!Copy !req
229. Fucking hell,
you two shit yourselves.Copy !req
230. What?Copy !req
231. "Sorry, sorry!"Copy !req
232. - "I'm sorry, don't hurt me, sorry."
- You got me fucking throttled!Copy !req
233. - "Sorry!"
- Fuck off!Copy !req
234. - "Sorry I'm on the pavement."
- "Sorry, sorry for my little shit car."Copy !req
235. "I'm sorry I'm alive and a bender!"Copy !req
236. Just fuck off!Copy !req
237. Sorry, Si.Copy !req
238. - "Sorry I'm such a tit!"
- "Sorry, I've done a poo in my pants!"Copy !req
239. "Sorry my neck is stuck
in your hand."Copy !req
240. Simon's a good friend, but it's
fair to say he drives like a retard.Copy !req
241. But eventually, in Chinatown,
just a few hundred yards from the club,Copy !req
242. we found the perfect parking space.Copy !req
243. Well, almost perfect.Copy !req
244. - I don't think I can park here.
- We've been driving round for an hourCopy !req
245. looking for a space.
This one's perfect, let's just be cool!Copy !req
246. - But it says we'll get clamped.
- It's a weekend, different rules.Copy !req
247. I'm sure he's right, Si,
and no-one clamps any more.Copy !req
248. Please can we get going?
I really need to check my nob.Copy !req
249. - I think I've got a big problemo.
- Can you stop saying problemo?Copy !req
250. - What?
- It's not coolCopy !req
251. or funny, it's just embarrassing.Copy !req
252. Don't worry, Neil,
he'll say sorry in a minute.Copy !req
253. - Maybe I should move it?
- Simon, listen to me.Copy !req
254. Carli has agreed to go clubbing
with you, that's a big step forward,Copy !req
255. but during the time to find a space
she could have gone off the idea.Copy !req
256. Yes, she could be wanking off
the DJ by now.Copy !req
257. I doubt that's happening,
but the point is valid.Copy !req
258. This is a great parking spot,
let's just get a move on.Copy !req
259. We are wasting valuable boning time.Copy !req
260. Fine. Fine, come on, then.Copy !req
261. Don't bother locking it, Si.Copy !req
262. - If you're lucky, a guy might nick it!
- Yeah, good one...Copy !req
263. So despite the odd throttling
and cut penis,Copy !req
264. we made it to the club safely, and
the girls even seemed pleased to see us!Copy !req
265. Hi Simon. I wondered where you were.Copy !req
266. Did you? You're actually here.Copy !req
267. - Yes.
- You weren't lying about coming, then?Copy !req
268. - No. Why would I be lying?
- Don't know.Copy !req
269. Don't know why I said that.Copy !req
270. - Great, well we'll see you in there?
- Don't be a tit, just...Copy !req
271. Stand here!Copy !req
272. - Are you joining us?
- Yeah.Copy !req
273. Yeah, I think so.Copy !req
274. Are you fucking pushing in?Copy !req
275. Those arseholes pushed in!Copy !req
276. So, great you're near the front.Copy !req
277. - Yeah, well, been here long enough.
- Suppose you have.Copy !req
278. - I just wanna get inside and dance now.
- Yes, me too.Copy !req
279. There's something very animalistic
about our need to dance.Copy !req
280. - Those lads are throwing stuff at you.
- Don't think so.Copy !req
281. They're frustrated cos they want
to get inside too. They're saying,Copy !req
282. "Let us in, we've got bloody great
dancing ants in our pants!"Copy !req
283. Get to the back of the
queue, you four eyed prick!Copy !req
284. It's OK if I stand with my back to you?
I don't want they think you're with me.Copy !req
285. No, that's fine.Copy !req
286. Rachel had the most beautiful
back of a head I'd ever seen.Copy !req
287. Now all we had to do
was get into the club.Copy !req
288. - No trainers.
- What?Copy !req
289. No trainers.Copy !req
290. - But they're new.
- No trainers.Copy !req
291. I'll see you in there in a minute.Copy !req
292. That's us fucked.Copy !req
293. I take it you don't know
that bouncer, then, Jay?Copy !req
294. What's this got to do with me?
I'm not the one wearing trainers?Copy !req
295. You fucking idiot!
I am totally in there...Copy !req
296. Like totally.Copy !req
297. - You couldn't just wear shoes?
- We could make a pair out of yours,Copy !req
298. - and keep leather left to cover a sofa.
- Doesn't matter anyway, I've sorted it.Copy !req
299. - I'm gonna borrow some shoes.
- What?Copy !req
300. Hammerhead shark!Copy !req
301. No!Copy !req
302. Look, I'm gonna level with you.
I am scared. London scares me.Copy !req
303. The bouncer scares me
and that man...Copy !req
304. Really scares me.
Let's just put this one downCopy !req
305. as another character forming
experience and go home.Copy !req
306. Come on, Will! It's for Carli!
She'll love it, it's romantic.Copy !req
307. It's not quite Romeo and Juliet.Copy !req
308. These are tramp shoes
we're talking about.Copy !req
309. Scuse me?Copy !req
310. Mate? Scuse me?Copy !req
311. Can I borrow your shoes?Copy !req
312. I wanna borrow your shoes,
I'm trying to impress a girl.Copy !req
313. - Giz a blow job.
- What?Copy !req
314. - I'll give you a blow job.
- No.Copy !req
315. God, no, no blow jobs.
I just want your shoes.Copy !req
316. All right!Copy !req
317. - £20 quid!
- Great.Copy !req
318. And your shoes.Copy !req
319. Of course.Copy !req
320. Good old Simon. I can always rely on him
to add a touch of class to proceedings.Copy !req
321. In many ways, though,
it proved how much he valued Carli.Copy !req
322. Certainly more than
he valued his dignity.Copy !req
323. - They're a bit wet.
- That'll be my piss.Copy !req
324. OK.Copy !req
325. Thanks.Copy !req
326. I'm not saying it was a dodgy club,Copy !req
327. but you have to question a door policy
which says no to trainersCopy !req
328. but a big thumbs up
to piss-soaked tramp shoes.Copy !req
329. But we were in! We had got in!Copy !req
330. Yes! In the club! An actual club!Copy !req
331. Yes!Copy !req
332. I've died and gone to clunge heaven.Copy !req
333. Nice!Copy !req
334. Well, this is what we wanted.Copy !req
335. This is it, the first day
of the rest of our lives.Copy !req
336. It's one small step for a man,
one giant leap for your flippers.Copy !req
337. You won't be laughing
when we pull Carli and Rachel.Copy !req
338. No I won't,
cos it ain't gonna happen.Copy !req
339. You can spend your evening
talking to little girls,Copy !req
340. me and Neil are gonna find ourselves
some women with experienced snatches.Copy !req
341. Good luck.
Just one thing,Copy !req
342. I think the Tower of London
is closed now.Copy !req
343. There she is. How do I look?Copy !req
344. You look good.
From the ankles up, obviously.Copy !req
345. Obviously. Where's Rachel?Copy !req
346. Don't worry, she's keen, I'm sure
she'll find me. Away you go, mate.Copy !req
347. Wish me luck.Copy !req
348. Simon, you got in!
I thought you were turned away.Copy !req
349. Will was being a dick with the bouncers
and there was a thing with my shoes.Copy !req
350. They're out of ice.
Can you believe that?Copy !req
351. Simon, this is Adam.
He's a mate of Rachel's.Copy !req
352. - All right!
- Yeah, you?Copy !req
353. Simon is an old friend
of the family.Copy !req
354. Not just that, though.Copy !req
355. Can you smell piss?Copy !req
356. Yes. That's totally rank.Copy !req
357. Must be the toilets. We should move.Copy !req
358. Yeah, good idea.Copy !req
359. Meanwhile, Jay and Neil headed to
discuss the nuances of sexual politics.Copy !req
360. - She'd definitely get it!
- Most definitely.Copy !req
361. - Her? I think she looked over.
- Nice body, frightening face.Copy !req
362. You'd have to do her from behind.Copy !req
363. - What about her?
- Bit big,Copy !req
364. but then fat girls
are more grateful.Copy !req
365. Check out the jubblies on that!Copy !req
366. She'd get it. Until it fell off.Copy !req
367. - Please don't.
- Please do.Copy !req
368. No, she's given me a boner,
my cut's hurting worse than ever.Copy !req
369. - I've gotta go and check it out.
- All right, butCopy !req
370. I might not be here
when you get back.Copy !req
371. That one's giving me the old,
"I'm gonna milk your balls dry" look.Copy !req
372. And in the toilets, Neil had
a very big problemo with his cock.Copy !req
373. I had my own difficulties
in the cock department.Copy !req
374. Rachel was sitting next to one.Copy !req
375. Rachel!
There you are, found you!Copy !req
376. Ready to put on your dancing shoes?
I know I am!Copy !req
377. Good!Copy !req
378. - Hi, I'm Will.
- Dean.Copy !req
379. So,Copy !req
380. - you come here often?
- You say that to all the girls?Copy !req
381. He's got some chutzpah, that's fine.
Anyway, nice to meet you, but we're off.Copy !req
382. What? I'm good here, thanks.Copy !req
383. Come on. It's getting a bit
crowded round here, eh Dean?Copy !req
384. Sorry, mate?Copy !req
385. Come on, mate.
You've had a good run.Copy !req
386. Believe me, if I was in your shoes and I
saw a gorgeous girl sitting on her own,Copy !req
387. I'd have made the move,
but I'm here now, so...Copy !req
388. - So what?
- So do the right thing and step aside,Copy !req
389. - because I was in with her first.
- No, you weren't.Copy !req
390. Is he for real? He talks like
he's from a black and white film.Copy !req
391. - I was. I stood with you in the queue.
- Behind me.Copy !req
392. Well, more beside you.Copy !req
393. And you asked me if I was coming
along tonight. I've got witnesses.Copy !req
394. Will, I think you've got
the wrong end of the stick.Copy !req
395. Evidently! So is that it?
So shall I just...Copy !req
396. - Go away and leave you to it?
- Yes. Go away.Copy !req
397. Fine!Copy !req
398. Fine! That's the last you see of me.Copy !req
399. Thanks, Dean. Thanks a lot, mate.Copy !req
400. I was starting to go off Rachel.
She wasn't really my type.Copy !req
401. Elsewhere,
my friends were faring no better.Copy !req
402. - I can still smell it.
- It's following us.Copy !req
403. Simon, I'm not being rude,
but I think that smell might be you.Copy !req
404. - Right. These shoes do kick up a bit.
- Jesus, what the fuck is on your feet?Copy !req
405. These aren't my shoes.
I had to borrow them to get in.Copy !req
406. - Who brings spare shoes to a nightclub?
- No-one.Copy !req
407. - I swapped them with a guy outside.
- He was a tramp?Copy !req
408. I think you're supposed
to say homeless now.Copy !req
409. Sorry,
you're wearing a tramp's shoes?Copy !req
410. - Mate, that is weird.
- Yeah.Copy !req
411. Maybe.Copy !req
412. - What's taking so fucking long?
- Mate, it's not good.Copy !req
413. - Get us bog roll, it's bleeding, look.
- Jesus, put it away, Neil.Copy !req
414. I can't. It stings
when it rubs on my pants.Copy !req
415. - Take your pants off then.
- Then it'll rub on my jeans.Copy !req
416. No matter what your old man says,
you can't walk round London naked.Copy !req
417. What? I didn't do nothing.
I wasn't doing anything.Copy !req
418. So she didn't see the romantic intention
behind the tramp shoes?Copy !req
419. Not right now, but if that prick hadn't
been there it would've been different.Copy !req
420. To be fair, the smell is appalling.Copy !req
421. - What happened with Rachel?
- The usual.Copy !req
422. It was going well, then she realised
I'm a dickhead and she pulled other guy.Copy !req
423. Right.Copy !req
424. - It's shit here, isn't it?
- Yeah. Shall we go?Copy !req
425. - Yeah.
- No, wait!Copy !req
426. I wasn't wanking.Copy !req
427. - Great.
- My cock's cut. My cock is cut!Copy !req
428. So we were chucked out,
out the club.Copy !req
429. The actual club chucked us out,
exactly 25 minutes after it started,Copy !req
430. our life as cool London clubbers
was over.Copy !req
431. So, what happened?Copy !req
432. I don't know. I was just looking
at the cut on my cock.Copy !req
433. - Jay was helping me out.
- Sorry.Copy !req
434. - Jay was helping you out?
- It's not like it sounds.Copy !req
435. Cos it sounds like you were
watching Neil wank in the toilets.Copy !req
436. I wasn't wanking,
I was just rolling it round in my hands.Copy !req
437. All right, spare us the details.Copy !req
438. Oh, fuck. What if Carli's
getting off with that bloke?Copy !req
439. Don't cry, Si. At least you
can get your trainers back.Copy !req
440. What?Copy !req
441. Fucking beauty.
I'll have that, you bastard.Copy !req
442. Brilliant.Copy !req
443. - How have you done that?
- What?Copy !req
444. - You've had them an hour.
- Maybe he's been out?Copy !req
445. - Technically, he's always out.
- Right. Let's go. I've had enough.Copy !req
446. Be sober in an alleyway
stinking of pissCopy !req
447. and wearing a tramp's shoes was not
what I had planned for this evening.Copy !req
448. Out of interest, you think it would go
better or worse than this?Copy !req
449. So the night was over,Copy !req
450. and all we wanted to do now was get
back in Simon's shit car and go home.Copy !req
451. Fuck.Copy !req
452. Fuckety, fuck, fucko.Copy !req
453. Shit.Copy !req
454. - How much money have we got between us?
- No, you chose to park here.Copy !req
455. Fucking hell, Jay.Copy !req
456. Sorry. I don't have any money left.
Getting in cleaned me out.Copy !req
457. - I think you'll have to call your Dad.
- It's one in the morning.Copy !req
458. He's going to go fucking mental.Copy !req
459. - I told him I was staying at Neil's.
- Unlock it, Si. I'm freezing.Copy !req
460. He loves you. He'd rather come
and get you than see you suffer.Copy !req
461. Dad, it's Simon.Copy !req
462. Don't panic, nothing's wrong.
Just calm down.Copy !req
463. No, I'm not dead. If I'm dead,
how could I be talking to you?Copy !req
464. You owe me £200.Copy !req
465. - I'll call you back.
- Sir, as I am sure you're aware,Copy !req
466. private clamping is illegal.
And it is a weekend...Copy !req
467. I couldn't get my fucking van out.Copy !req
468. - I've just called my Dad and he'll...
- I couldn't give a fuck.Copy !req
469. £200... now!Copy !req
470. - I don't have it!
- We don't have it!Copy !req
471. I want £200!Copy !req
472. Can't you fucking read?
No fucking parking!Copy !req
473. I missed all my fucking deliveries.Copy !req
474. Give me my fucking money now.
I'm gonna fucking kill youCopy !req
475. - unless you give me my fucking money?
- Do you still want that lift?Copy !req
476. No. I'm fine, thanks.Copy !req
477. Great.
See you Monday.Copy !req
478. 200 livres!Copy !req
479. I'm gonna fucking kill you unless
you give me my fucking money.Copy !req
480. So we had successfully
reinvented ourselves,Copy !req
481. but not as the boys
who go clubbing. No.Copy !req
482. We were now the boys
who freaked out girls...Copy !req
483. Can you stop staring at my tits?Copy !req
484. - ... apologised a lot...
- Sorry, I'm really sorry.Copy !req
485. wore tramp's shoes
and wanked in public toilets.Copy !req
486. My cock is cut!Copy !req
487. - I think you've got a big problemo.
- Please just shut up, Neil.Copy !req
488. Maybe you should try
saying sorry over and over.Copy !req
489. - "Sorry for parking like a nob."
- Just fuck off!Copy !req