1. Wouldn't it be good to know
exactly how unpopular you areCopy !req
2. with the opposite sex compared
to your classmates?Copy !req
3. Luckily for me,
someone invented Valentines Day,Copy !req
4. my favourite annual humiliation.Copy !req
5. "Roses are red, violets are blue,Copy !req
6. your dong is massive,
I want to blow you.Copy !req
7. Love from your secret slut."Copy !req
8. I didn't get none.
I can't believe you got so many.Copy !req
9. Yes, it is hard to believe.Copy !req
10. "Dear Jay...Copy !req
11. "I've just baked you a finger pie,
why don't you cum..." Spelt C-U-M.Copy !req
12. "... and taste it?"Copy !req
13. That's so horny.
Who do you think it's from?Copy !req
14. - Your dad?
- Yeah, funny.Copy !req
15. Let me look at these.Copy !req
16. "Jay, you massive stud,
please, please spaff on my tits.Copy !req
17. From your Valentine's bitch.
PS: And on my face."Copy !req
18. That's my favourite, I like
the way she remembered the face.Copy !req
19. It's funny how all these cards seem
to be in the same handwriting.Copy !req
20. Your admirers are either very young
or have severe learning difficulties.Copy !req
21. Which is possible.Copy !req
22. The handwriting's bad cos they were
strumming one out as they wrote 'em.Copy !req
23. Not you writing with your left hand?Copy !req
24. You're just jealous cos I got loads
and you got none.Copy !req
25. - I got a card.
- If it's your nan it doesn't count.Copy !req
26. - I didn't get any then.
- I did get a card. A proper one.Copy !req
27. - Total bollocks.
- Yeah?Copy !req
28. - What do you call this then?
- Interesting!Copy !req
29. - Wow. Who's that from?
- Hannah Fields in the year below.Copy !req
30. Sniff it to see if she rubbed
her fanny on it.Copy !req
31. Neil!Copy !req
32. Na, just a bit of perfume.Copy !req
33. So what are you going to do
about it?Copy !req
34. Nothing. Apart from making
sure Carli doesn't find out.Copy !req
35. I think she'll be too busy sucking
on her boyfriend's knob.Copy !req
36. - Shut up.
- What?Copy !req
37. All I'm saying is, he'll have
his cock right deep in her gobCopy !req
38. and then in her vag.
Out the vag, back in the gob.Copy !req
39. Thanks!Copy !req
40. Oh, yeah, that reminds me.
Give that to your mum for us.Copy !req
41. Are you serious?Copy !req
42. - Oh, you are.
- Don't tell her who it's from.Copy !req
43. No, course not. Anything else, Neil?Copy !req
44. - Would you like me to ask her out?
- Would you?Copy !req
45. Let me think. Would I?Copy !req
46. No. No, I fucking wouldn't.Copy !req
47. Good morning. And shut up.Copy !req
48. Right everyone, your work-experience
placements have been finalised.Copy !req
49. And as 99% of you left it
to the careers officer,Copy !req
50. I don't want to hear whingeing
about where you're heading.Copy !req
51. Sir. There seems to be some mistake.Copy !req
52. Is the mistake you choosing to
ignore me saying "No whingeing"?Copy !req
53. No, sir, it says here
I'm going to work at a garage.Copy !req
54. Yes.Copy !req
55. Come on.Copy !req
56. Me.Copy !req
57. A garage?Copy !req
58. - Does that seem likely?
- What's your point?Copy !req
59. I wrote to the local paper.
To shadow a journalist there.Copy !req
60. Maybe even write
a few pieces myself.Copy !req
61. Right, let me have a look. I don't
get paid extra for this, you know.Copy !req
62. OK, it says here that Sutherland
is expected at the newspaper.Copy !req
63. - Case closed.
- Well, thenCopy !req
64. there's clearly been some sort of
mix-up. I don't mean to be rude but...Copy !req
65. look at him.Copy !req
66. - No offence.
- None taken.Copy !req
67. What was your first
choice, Sutherland?Copy !req
68. Airplane driver.Copy !req
69. - And that is...?
- Someone who drives planes.Copy !req
70. - You mean a pilot.
- Do I?Copy !req
71. - What was your second choice?
- Working with cars.Copy !req
72. Right. Ever wanted to work
at a newspaper?Copy !req
73. No, sir.Copy !req
74. - Have you ever read a newspaper?
- Not really.Copy !req
75. OK, it does seem there's been
some sort of mistake here somewhere.Copy !req
76. That's OK, mistakes happen.
Shall I go the paper tomorrow?Copy !req
77. You go to the garage.
It's all booked.Copy !req
78. Is this a joke?Copy !req
79. Do I make a lot of jokes?Copy !req
80. - But sir...
- I can't change the placements.Copy !req
81. Can't or won't?Copy !req
82. You pick. It's the same result.Copy !req
83. Sutherland?Copy !req
84. Does this mean I won't
be driving any planes?Copy !req
85. This is a fuck-up. What experience
will I get at a garage?Copy !req
86. Apart from a depressing
working-class one?Copy !req
87. You get to look at horny calendars.Copy !req
88. Why work for a paper? I thought you
were going into the family business.Copy !req
89. - Which is...?
- Prostitution.Copy !req
90. Yep, nice one.Copy !req
91. It'll be shit anyway. The clue's
in the name - work experience.Copy !req
92. It won't be shit at my dad's firm.
When I worked there last summer,Copy !req
93. I spent every day jumping JCBs
over cement mixers.Copy !req
94. - Well, that's a lie.
- And I got paid a grand at the end.Copy !req
95. - Another lie!
- I had a wank earlierCopy !req
96. - about your mum's tits. Is that alie?
- I hope so.Copy !req
97. - It's not.
- Oh, good.Copy !req
98. - Sorry, mate.
- I ain't your fucking mate!Copy !req
99. He's touchy.Copy !req
100. It's probably cos
he's such a short arse!Copy !req
101. - What d'you say?
- What?Copy !req
102. - He's taking the piss, Danny.
- Yeah? I'll fucking do you.Copy !req
103. - Yeah, whatever.
- Wanker.Copy !req
104. - What's his problem?
- Ooh, don't cry, Simon!Copy !req
105. Yeah, good one.Copy !req
106. Um, catch up in a bit.Copy !req
107. Oh, that's right, run after her,
that's not creepy!Copy !req
108. I may not have received
any Valentine's cards,Copy !req
109. but that didn't mean
I hadn't sent any.Copy !req
110. Charlotte!Copy !req
111. Oh, hello.Copy !req
112. Happy Valentine's day.
Did you get any cards?Copy !req
113. Yeah, maybe ten?Copy !req
114. Ten?Copy !req
115. Yeah, me too.Copy !req
116. But,Copy !req
117. did you get any flowers?Copy !req
118. I think you know I did.
I thought it was really sweet,Copy !req
119. and I was gonna say, if you're not
busy, we could hang out this Friday?Copy !req
120. I think I'm free.Copy !req
121. Yep, yes I am.Copy !req
122. I'm working on the bar at a
local Valentine's disco thing.Copy !req
123. It's under-18s,
so it might be a bit lame,Copy !req
124. but if you fancied
keeping me company?Copy !req
125. A date?Copy !req
126. No, Will, not a date.Copy !req
127. Just two friends hanging out.Copy !req
128. Great. See you Friday.
It's a date.Copy !req
129. No, it's not a date.Copy !req
130. Cool.Copy !req
131. She said it wasn't a date, but
we both knew it was. Before that,Copy !req
132. I had to make the most of my new,
pointless, shitty manual job.Copy !req
133. Hellooooo?Copy !req
134. Will MacKenzie,
I'm here for work experience.Copy !req
135. Hello, you must be Will.
Great to meet you, I'm Jim.Copy !req
136. This here's Wolfie and Steve.Copy !req
137. Hi, Jim, hi, Steve, hello, Wolf.Copy !req
138. Wolf-ie.Copy !req
139. Wolfie, right, gotcha.Copy !req
140. You'll have a right laugh. Long as
you don't mind a bit of blue talk.Copy !req
141. - Not a poof, are ya?
- No.Copy !req
142. Not a problem if you are, just be
harder to join in some of the banter.Copy !req
143. Any part of car mechanics
you're interested in, as it goes?Copy !req
144. To be honest,
none of it... as it goes.Copy !req
145. - More interested in bikes, is it?
- No, the media. Or law.Copy !req
146. Look, no offence, but I'm never
going to work in a place like this.Copy !req
147. - Place like this?
- You know, a place like this.Copy !req
148. Manual, dirty.Copy !req
149. Not stupid exactly, but not academic
by a long chalk!Copy !req
150. It's not that I'm better than this,Copy !req
151. it's just that I am much cleverer
than you need to be to work here.Copy !req
152. Steve here's got a BTEC.Copy !req
153. Exactly. I suspect the mix-up'll be
sorted today, I'll be gone tomorrow.Copy !req
154. I see. You don't mind
helping out today then?Copy !req
155. No, course not. Just the once, eh?Copy !req
156. Right, Cholmondley-Warner.Copy !req
157. We need some stuff picking up
from the suppliers.Copy !req
158. Fine. I'll just get a pen and paper.Copy !req
159. Great.Copy !req
160. OK, we need two tins
of tartan paint.Copy !req
161. Tartan paint times two.Copy !req
162. - Spirit level bubbles.
- Bubbles for spirit level.Copy !req
163. - D'you need anything, Wolfie?
- Yeah, ask him for a reach around.Copy !req
164. - A reach around.
- Don't forget you really need that.Copy !req
165. Fine. So it's two tins
of tartan paint,Copy !req
166. bubbles for spirit level and...Copy !req
167. a reach around.Copy !req
168. Might as well ask for a long wait
while you're there.Copy !req
169. Great!Copy !req
170. this is a joke, isn't it?Copy !req
171. - What?
- These items...Copy !req
172. they're not real things,
are they? They don't exist.Copy !req
173. - I don't know what you mean.
- Now,Copy !req
174. I know that these initiation ceremonies
exist in certain types of workplace,Copy !req
175. and, don't get me wrong,
I enjoy the camaraderie,Copy !req
176. but you have to get up
pretty early to fool me.Copy !req
177. - No, fair enough, you caught us out.
- Yeah, fair cop.Copy !req
178. Too sharp for us!
I tell you what,Copy !req
179. why don't we initiate you
with a pint at lunch?Copy !req
180. - Good.
- We'll go to the Crown,Copy !req
181. barmaid in there's got
a smashing pair of tits.Copy !req
182. OK!Copy !req
183. So, while I was getting
a City and Guilds in tits,Copy !req
184. Neil was at the newspaper, happily
wasting the opportunity of my lifetime.Copy !req
185. Toby, your work experience is here.Copy !req
186. Fine... All right.Copy !req
187. - Hi, you must be Neil, I'm Toby.
- All right?Copy !req
188. So, what are you looking
to get out of this assignment, Neil?Copy !req
189. Don't worry, I won't steal nothing.Copy !req
190. What I meant was, is there anything
specifically you'd like to do here,Copy !req
191. or an area of journalism you're
particularly interested in?Copy !req
192. No, not really.Copy !req
193. Right.Copy !req
194. And do you have any questions
you'd like to ask me about anything?Copy !req
195. How long's my lunch hour?Copy !req
196. An hour.Copy !req
197. Meanwhile, Jay really had arranged
some great work experience for Simon,Copy !req
198. freezing his arse off at a
disgusting plant-hire yard.Copy !req
199. This is shit. I don't wanna
do this for a living.Copy !req
200. Nah, it's all right! We'll be able
to drive the diggers soon, I reckon.Copy !req
201. Jay? Why have you stopped?
This is work experience,Copy !req
202. not standing-around-being-a-useless-twat
experience.Copy !req
203. You don't need any experience
at that - you're the expert!Copy !req
204. Sorry, Dad, we only stopped for
a moment. This is well knackering.Copy !req
205. You'd better get used to it,
cos with your brainsCopy !req
206. you'll be fucking lucky to get a job
throwing shit into a skip!Copy !req
207. This isn't exactly
how you described it.Copy !req
208. Get many Valentine's cards, Simon?Copy !req
209. - Just the one.
- One more than Jay's ever got.Copy !req
210. - I got plenty.
- Don't worry,Copy !req
211. there's a girl out there for you.Copy !req
212. You just need to find a desperate
bird that likes the smell of BOCopy !req
213. and blokes with tiny cocks!Copy !req
214. Now get back to work,Copy !req
215. I ain't paying you to sit
on your scrawny arse.Copy !req
216. Nice.Copy !req
217. - All right?
- What are you doing here?Copy !req
218. - I thought you should be at work?
- They let me go home at lunch.Copy !req
219. You jammy bastard.Copy !req
220. Si, what's all this I hear about
you having a fight with Danny Moore?Copy !req
221. What? Who's Danny Moore?Copy !req
222. He's been talking about
a beating on you.Copy !req
223. Who is he?Copy !req
224. - I don't know who he is!
- That kid you bumped intoCopy !req
225. - and then called a shortarse.
- That was Jay.Copy !req
226. You'll have to go and knock
him out now.Copy !req
227. - Teach him a lesson.
- If you see him,Copy !req
228. - tell him it's a mistake.
- I'm not getting involved.Copy !req
229. He's from a hard family in
Northwood. His brother did time.Copy !req
230. Oh, Northwood?
Been nice knowing you, Si!Copy !req
231. What's this, my dad's bigger
than your dad? What are we, 12?Copy !req
232. - I think he is 12, actually.
- You're not scared are you, Si?Copy !req
233. No, it's just I'm not going
to look cool beating up a kid.Copy !req
234. - And you couldn't.
- Yes, I could, can we just leave it?Copy !req
235. I'm not fighting anyone.Copy !req
236. Oh yeah, nice one.Copy !req
237. Mature.Copy !req
238. Compared to Simon, my first day
was turning out OK.Copy !req
239. After a morning
of pretending cars were brokenCopy !req
240. and overcharging middle-class women,
we had bonded over a pint.Copy !req
241. Thanks, guys. That was a much more
civilised way to welcome me.Copy !req
242. It's shame we won't
get to do it again...Copy !req
243. Oh, no! A kidnap? What are you,
the cockney Al-Qaeda?Copy !req
244. Don't shit yourself,
we're going for a drive.Copy !req
245. - Hello, mate!
- Come on, is this really necessary?Copy !req
246. What about my allergies?
Let's talk about this.Copy !req
247. Please! My allergies!Copy !req
248. Wasn't expecting that,
was you, mastermind?Copy !req
249. See you tomorrow!Copy !req
250. Institutionalised
bullying wasn't quiteCopy !req
251. the work experience I had in mind.
But I knew how to deal with bullies.Copy !req
252. I got my mum to tell the teacher.Copy !req
253. I was hoping you'd be able to do
something about it, Mr Gilbert.Copy !req
254. - I'm sorry.
- I just wonder what he said to them.Copy !req
255. - I don't think he said anything, Kevin.
- He must have said something.Copy !req
256. He walked back through the town
centre sopping wet and barely clothed.Copy !req
257. I'd hoped you'd take this
more seriously.Copy !req
258. He wrote to the paper especially
to get work experience,Copy !req
259. and instead I'm picking
frogspawn out of his underpants.Copy !req
260. Would you excuse me
just for a second?Copy !req
261. Ooooooooh God!Copy !req
262. Look,Copy !req
263. I really want to help,
but it's not my responsability.Copy !req
264. I will ask if they'll consider swapping
students, but I can't promise anything.Copy !req
265. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I do have a meeting to attend to.Copy !req
266. What a pickle!Copy !req
267. I'm not sure I should
send Neil to the garage.Copy !req
268. Those men sound like brutes.Copy !req
269. I think it was just hijinks.Copy !req
270. What, three dirty men throwing
a naked young boy into water?Copy !req
271. - The mind boggles.
- I never said Will was naked.Copy !req
272. I thought you did...Copy !req
273. Not quite the outcome I'd hoped for.Copy !req
274. Neil's dad imagining me naked.Copy !req
275. When it comes to love,
they say a gentleman never tells.Copy !req
276. But I wasn't a gentleman.
I was a twat.Copy !req
277. Guess who got a date
with Charlotte Hinchcliffe?Copy !req
278. - Donovan?
- No.Copy !req
279. I bet it is - he's probably
balls deep in her right now.Copy !req
280. The answer... is me.Copy !req
281. - No way.
- Yes, way.Copy !req
282. Of sorts.Copy !req
283. - Of sorts way.
- How?Copy !req
284. I've no idea. Honestly, and
I'm not going to stop and ask her.Copy !req
285. I don't know why she likes me but I'm
going to do my best to keep it that way.Copy !req
286. Sounds like a good plan.Copy !req
287. - When is it then?
- What?Copy !req
288. - Date.
- Friday.Copy !req
289. - What we up to Friday?
- Same as every Friday.Copy !req
290. - Nothing.
- Maybe we could go.Copy !req
291. In what world would
I want you to come along?Copy !req
292. - It's not for you, it's for us.
- It'd be funny to watch you fuck it up.Copy !req
293. Yeah, you might cry.Copy !req
294. Thanks for the vote of confidence,
but you won't want to come.Copy !req
295. I'm seeing her at this under-18s night
she's working at. It will be uncool,Copy !req
296. - even for us.
- Sounds OK to me.Copy !req
297. - At least we'll definitely get in.
- No, no.Copy !req
298. - You won't like it.
- We might even get some.Copy !req
299. Won't they be a bit young?Copy !req
300. - Grass on the pitch and it's OK for me.
- Right, and what if there isn't?Copy !req
301. By the time you find
out it'll be too late.Copy !req
302. Surely you've got better things to do
than watch me with Charlotte?Copy !req
303. Great, no, fine. See you there then.Copy !req
304. So before my date
with Charlotte, and it was a date,Copy !req
305. I had to endure one
last day with the savages.Copy !req
306. I was pleasantly surprised to find Jim
and Wolfie engaged in serious debate.Copy !req
307. All right, Will? You'll like this -
we're just having "a discussion".Copy !req
308. - Oh, really?
- Which titties would you spunk over?Copy !req
309. The little ones, or big and bouncy?
A handful, plenty to play with.Copy !req
310. - They both look nice.
- Better than tits you'll ever get mate!Copy !req
311. All right, I'd spunk over the big ones,
and they're not better than I'd get.Copy !req
312. Bollocks. Here, Steve...Copy !req
313. - Speccy here... reckons he has better!
- Stop that.Copy !req
314. - I have.
- Fuck off, you're a virgin!Copy !req
315. - Classic virgin.
- You're wrong.Copy !req
316. I did it last year.
With a girl I'm seeing tonight.Copy !req
317. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
318. Yep! She's fit, she's older than me,
and she goes like a porn star.Copy !req
319. - Oh, right!
- Yeah, and she's got massive tittiesCopy !req
320. and I...Copy !req
321. Well, I...Copy !req
322. fucked her hard and all night long.Copy !req
323. What are you and this dirty hornCopy !req
324. bucket up to this weekend then?
I might come and check her out.Copy !req
325. Going to an under-18 disco where
she works, so you won't be able to.Copy !req
326. I could go.Copy !req
327. - What?
- I could go. I'm 17.Copy !req
328. You're 17!Copy !req
329. - You're 17?
- Yeah, yeah - I just look older.Copy !req
330. There's looking older
and then there's that.Copy !req
331. You look about 30!Copy !req
332. Lovely!Copy !req
333. Wolfie'll check out this tart
you've been boning, then.Copy !req
334. - Good.
- Maybe Wolfie'll pull her.Copy !req
335. - He won't do that because she loves me.
- She loves you?Copy !req
336. I'm going to cry!Copy !req
337. I mean...Copy !req
338. - She loves to fuck me.
- Yeah... Course she does.Copy !req
339. That evening at the Civic Hall,Copy !req
340. I hoped Neil would enlighten me
about what I'd be up to next week.Copy !req
341. He'd never enlightened me about
anything before, but you never know.Copy !req
342. How was the newspaper?
Did you write anything?Copy !req
343. No, nothing boring like that.
I'm on the internet most of the day,Copy !req
344. this afternoon I smashed old desks
in a skip and then home at four.Copy !req
345. Are we the oldest here?Copy !req
346. Possibly.Copy !req
347. It's even more shit
than I knew it would be.Copy !req
348. I honestly don't why you came.Copy !req
349. - To see you get blown out by Charlotte.
- Please try not to fuck this up.Copy !req
350. Charlotte asked me
so there's a chance,Copy !req
351. admittedly a very slim chance,
that she wants to pull me.Copy !req
352. Or maybe she needs
a mechanic for her car!Copy !req
353. - Good one!
- I'd service her all right.Copy !req
354. I'd slide my dipstick in deep!Copy !req
355. Thanks for coming, really appreciate it!
I'm gonna find Charlotte.Copy !req
356. Up to you. It looks like
there's some tidy minge here.Copy !req
357. Yes, it's tidy because
there's no hair on it.Copy !req
358. Oi, Si, Hannah Fields is over there.Copy !req
359. It's her who write your Valentine?Copy !req
360. Oh, yeah, shit.
She looks quite fit actually.Copy !req
361. Right, I'll go over
and tell her you fancy her.Copy !req
362. - No.
- Why?Copy !req
363. Well,Copy !req
364. you going over and telling her
I fancy her, seems a bit,Copy !req
365. y'know, childish.Copy !req
366. When in Rome. That's how you got
to play it with younger girls.Copy !req
367. You go over...
Shit, she's coming over here.Copy !req
368. So did you get my
valentine's card then?Copy !req
369. Oh, yeah, great. Thank you.Copy !req
370. - Do you want a drink?
- I've got one thanks.Copy !req
371. No, I mean a proper drink.Copy !req
372. Oh... right. Yeah,Copy !req
373. thanks.Copy !req
374. You're fit.Copy !req
375. - Sorry?
- Oh, forget it.Copy !req
376. Come on.Copy !req
377. You're well sexy, I used
to stare at you in assembly.Copy !req
378. Right.Copy !req
379. Ooh, you're so horny. Tongue me!Copy !req
380. Um, how old are you?Copy !req
381. Blimey, that didn't take long.Copy !req
382. Compared to you and
Charlotte anything's quick.Copy !req
383. - Softly softly, catchee monkee.
- I didn't know you spoke Spanish.Copy !req
384. See! I told you this was a great
place to get your fingers stinky.Copy !req
385. Oh, my god, she's
going for his cock.Copy !req
386. Oh, what you doing?Copy !req
387. Shall we go somewhere more private?Copy !req
388. - I want you.
- Right.Copy !req
389. Careful, no-one's touched
that before, it might go off.Copy !req
390. Good!Copy !req
391. Crikey, careful.Copy !req
392. Are they allowed to do that in here?Copy !req
393. - Crikey!
- Fuck me, she's gonna wank him off!Copy !req
394. The jammy git's pulled an
experienced cock handler.Copy !req
395. Or, someone so inexperienced she thinks
it's the best way to pull an older boy.Copy !req
396. - Either way it's a win-win situation.
- It's not really, though, no?Copy !req
397. Thanks to me, we're now
watching Simon get wanked off.Copy !req
398. Thank you so much!Copy !req
399. - Getting a bit weird now.
- I hate it when he makes eye contact.Copy !req
400. None of us do, Neil.Copy !req
401. Call me a short arse now!Copy !req
402. Come on then, you fucking coward!Copy !req
403. - Oh, please, not his face!
- I'm gonna do you!Copy !req
404. Northwood are in the house,
you're fucking dead!Copy !req
405. How embarrassing.Copy !req
406. - That was brilliant!
- Was it?Copy !req
407. Fucking hilarious,
he totally did you.Copy !req
408. - Have they chucked him out?
- Doubt it.Copy !req
409. Not gonna chuck him
out for that, just a scuffle.Copy !req
410. - He kicked me in the cock.
- Good shot!Copy !req
411. - What happened to Hannah?
- Erm, I think you blew itCopy !req
412. when a twelve year did beat you.Copy !req
413. I fucking slipped!Copy !req
414. He's talking to
a load of Northwood lads.Copy !req
415. - What?
- They don't look twelve, to be fair.Copy !req
416. Fucking hell Si, you muppet.
We are so dead.Copy !req
417. What? Dead?
That should be the end of it!Copy !req
418. Simon's taken a beating,
a child's honour's been restored.Copy !req
419. - I didn't take a beating!
- Yeah.Copy !req
420. This is Northwood.
It's not the end, it's the start!Copy !req
421. - We do what now?
- I get Charlotte?Copy !req
422. - Is she hard?
- No, she'll get them thrown out!Copy !req
423. I'll go find her,
you go and hide somewhere.Copy !req
424. - Hide?
- Yes, hide.Copy !req
425. - Toilets?
- Charlotte!Copy !req
426. - Someone's desperate for a diet coke!
- No, Simon's been attacked by a kid...Copy !req
427. Here? What did he do,
headbutt him in the knee?Copy !req
428. No. Kicked him in the cock,
actually, but listen...Copy !req
429. Please say you aren't asking me
to protect you from children?Copy !req
430. Hmm, a bit.Copy !req
431. All right, Cholmondley-Warner?Copy !req
432. Is this your bird?Copy !req
433. Nice to meet you.
You're just like Will said you was.Copy !req
434. - Right. I hope that's a compliment.
- Oh, yeah it is.Copy !req
435. You wouldn't mind having a quick word
with our boss Jim on the old blower, OK?Copy !req
436. - Please don't.
- New friend?Copy !req
437. - From work experience. A colleague.
- Jim for ya.Copy !req
438. Ignore everything he says,
it's bollocks, I promise.Copy !req
439. Hello. >Copy !req
440. Right.Copy !req
441. No, I'm not his girlfriend, no.Copy !req
442. No, we didn't have sex.Copy !req
443. He did, did he?
No, that didn't happen.Copy !req
444. No, I'm not a porn star.Copy !req
445. Charlotte, listen...Copy !req
446. I was working in a garage.
You don't understand what it's like.Copy !req
447. How many chances do you think
you'll get to be a dickhead?Copy !req
448. One more?Copy !req
449. Wrong. You're a nasty little virgin.Copy !req
450. See ya.Copy !req
451. Right, fair enough. OK.Copy !req
452. Best of a bad lot,
deal with what we've got.Copy !req
453. I need you, we're in trouble.Copy !req
454. I'm off. Only popped in
to check out your missus.Copy !req
455. Well, thanks for popping by
and ruining my love life.Copy !req
456. No problem.Copy !req
457. I hope you and your ignorant boss
get a good laugh out of it.Copy !req
458. I'll tell you who'll
be laughing last!Copy !req
459. Me! Cos I'm not the one who'll
be working in a shitty garageCopy !req
460. doing manual labour
for the rest of my life.Copy !req
461. See you Monday.Copy !req
462. No you won't!Copy !req
463. Because I'll be at a local paper.
That's right, a local newspaper.Copy !req
464. So my date, yes, date,
was a disaster.Copy !req
465. But at least my friends weren't
hiding in the toilet. Oh, they were.Copy !req
466. There was only one person
for saving us now.Copy !req
467. Thanks for stepping in, mate!Copy !req
468. I was going to dive
when you put your cock away.Copy !req
469. - Budge up a minute Jay, I need a piss.
- You're not pissing in here, Neil.Copy !req
470. - Why not? It's a toilet.
- Go outside if you have to.Copy !req
471. What if they come in? I don't
see why I can't piss here.Copy !req
472. Because I do not want to see piss
coming out the end of your cock.Copy !req
473. - I could sit down and do it.
- What?Copy !req
474. I do that sometimes.
You know, for a treat.Copy !req
475. Oh, fuck, just get on with it then.Copy !req
476. - Are you going yet?
- I can't, you're putting me off.Copy !req
477. - Shit, who's that?
- Northwood?Copy !req
478. - Who is it?
- It's obviously me.Copy !req
479. What is happening in here?Copy !req
480. - Has Charlotte sorted it?
- No. I've sorted it though.Copy !req
481. - What have you done?
- My mum's gonna pick us up.Copy !req
482. What?Copy !req
483. - Oh, this is tragic.
- Called your mom!Copy !req
484. Your mum is coming to rescue us
from the toilet of an under-18 discoCopy !req
485. because we're being bullied
by 12-year-olds?Copy !req
486. No-one must ever know about this.Copy !req
487. Si, go outside and take your beating
from this child, and then we can leave.Copy !req
488. I'd have taken him down if it
weren't for Northwood.Copy !req
489. How were you going to take him down?
Spunk in his eyes?Copy !req
490. Oh, shit. What if Carli finds
out about me and that girl?Copy !req
491. Oh, no! Maybe she still
won't go out with you.Copy !req
492. Oh, god this is a fucking disaster.
No actually, it's OK, it's fine.Copy !req
493. - I can move away and change schools.
- My night hasn't been brilliant either.Copy !req
494. At least next week will be better,
get my teeth into some journalism.Copy !req
495. Oh, yeah, the paper want to keep me
on so there's no room for ya.Copy !req
496. Tell me you're joking?Copy !req
497. They said I was the best
work experience they'd ever had.Copy !req
498. This is an urgent message
for William MacKenzie.Copy !req
499. Please make his way
to the front entranceCopy !req
500. as his mother is here to
pick him and his friends up.Copy !req
501. This is an urgent message
for William MacKenzie.Copy !req
502. Please come to the front where your
mother is waiting to collect you.Copy !req
503. Oh, for fuck's sake!Copy !req
504. It had been a strange week. I hadn't
experienced much actual work,Copy !req
505. but I had learnt some valuable
lessons.Copy !req
506. Never work with children or animals.Copy !req
507. Don't call your
valentine a porn star.Copy !req
508. You're a nasty little virgin.Copy !req
509. And despite what I'd thought,Copy !req
510. a girl touching your penis
is not always a good thing.Copy !req