1. So, I'm halfway through
my first term in a new school.Copy !req
2. Nice badge, dickhead.Copy !req
3. And, well,
it could've been worse.Copy !req
4. I will get you.Copy !req
5. - I still have all my limbs...
- Hey!Copy !req
6. Just.Copy !req
7. - I've met loads of new people.Copy !req
8. And best of all, no one's tried
to fuck my mum yet.Copy !req
9. - She's fit.
- She is fit.Copy !req
10. Don't have a wank over my mum.Copy !req
11. And unlike my old school,
there were girls here.Copy !req
12. And if there's one thing
I now know about girls,Copy !req
13. and let's face it,Copy !req
14. there is only one thing
I now know about girlsCopy !req
15. it's that boys who drive
are a whole lot more attractiveCopy !req
16. than those who don't.Copy !req
17. Careful...Copy !req
18. As he was the oldest,Copy !req
19. our chances of getting a car
to impress the ladiesCopy !req
20. rested on Simon's shoulders.Copy !req
21. Gently does it.Copy !req
22. Oh, and his stupid,
uncoordinated size-ten feet.Copy !req
23. Careful. Little bit more...Copy !req
24. I'm just not great
at parallel parking.Copy !req
25. Bollocks!Copy !req
26. Shut up!Copy !req
27. Si, it's me nan.Copy !req
28. She wants to know
if you want some help parking.Copy !req
29. Steady on, boys.
It's not easy for Simon.Copy !req
30. Okay, let's try again.Copy !req
31. Oh.Copy !req
32. Oh, shit!Copy !req
33. Right. Um, okay.
Off we go, Simon. Into first.Copy !req
34. Shouldn't you leave a note?Copy !req
35. No, we're driving off.Copy !req
36. Quickly now. Drive! Drive!Copy !req
37. So it looked like
it might be quite some timeCopy !req
38. before we were picking up girls
in a car.Copy !req
39. Oi, Jay, I have just had
the best lesson ever.Copy !req
40. Jack Stephens dropped
his ruler next to Miss TimbsCopy !req
41. and when she bent over
to pick it up,Copy !req
42. I saw loads of leg
on the way downCopy !req
43. and a little bit of tit
on the way up.Copy !req
44. You lucky git.Copy !req
45. Oh, yeah,
and it's all locked awayCopy !req
46. up here in the visual wank bank.Copy !req
47. I thought you passed
your written test?Copy !req
48. I did.
I've got the practical tomorrow.Copy !req
49. I thought this might give me
a few tips.Copy !req
50. I don't think there is a sectionCopy !req
51. on how not to be
a whining little bitch.Copy !req
52. Brilliant.Copy !req
53. If you pass,
we could go on a road trip.Copy !req
54. Could do. We could see what
Carli's doing and go with her?Copy !req
55. Look, a car is like
a mobile pulling machine.Copy !req
56. Forget about Carli, forget about
all the girls at this school.Copy !req
57. There's a whole world of pussy
out there.Copy !req
58. He's right,
although expressed itCopy !req
59. - like a terrible misogynist.
- Thank you.Copy !req
60. Why don't you come
to Thorpe Park?Copy !req
61. There's always
loads of birds there.Copy !req
62. Oh, my God, yes!Copy !req
63. Thorpe Park!Copy !req
64. I can get you free tickets.Copy !req
65. How?Copy !req
66. - I work there.
- Mopping up sick?Copy !req
67. Some sick.Copy !req
68. You never mentioned
you work at Thorpe Park before?Copy !req
69. I used to work at ASDA,
you never asked about that.Copy !req
70. - Your old man needs the money?
- He doesn't, actually.Copy !req
71. Paying for rent boys
can't be cheap, Neil.Copy !req
72. My dad's not bent.Copy !req
73. Why's he paying
for rent boys then?Copy !req
74. - He's not!
- What, they give him freebies?Copy !req
75. I think we should
lay off Neil a bit.Copy !req
76. Is it right, Neil,
that Thorpe ParkCopy !req
77. has one of only two
pulley-launched coastersCopy !req
78. outside North America?Copy !req
79. - I don't know.
- It is right.Copy !req
80. I don't know
if my dad will let me go.Copy !req
81. What's it got to do
with your dad?Copy !req
82. He's paying for my car. He might
not let me do long journeys yet.Copy !req
83. Surely he'll want you
to get sucked offCopy !req
84. by a lovely on the teacup ride?Copy !req
85. Are there really loads
of girls there, Neil?Copy !req
86. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
87. Sometimes on the rides,
their boobs pop out.Copy !req
88. You only get
a split second at tits,Copy !req
89. they're going at about 70 mph,
but it's still good, though.Copy !req
90. This is perfect.Copy !req
91. Simon passes his test,
drives us to Thorpe Park,Copy !req
92. Neil gets us freebies,
and I get to ride—Copy !req
93. A man's cock in the bushes.Copy !req
94. The Nemesis Inferno.Copy !req
95. This is going to be awesome.Copy !req
96. If I pass my test.Copy !req
97. Roller coasters and tits,
this is going to be brilliant.Copy !req
98. If I pass my test!Copy !req
99. Despite our excitement,Copy !req
100. we knew it would take a miracle
for Simon to pass his test.Copy !req
101. But miracles often come
in unlikely packages.Copy !req
102. Hello, Simon.Copy !req
103. I'm Tracey,
your examiner for today's test.Copy !req
104. Hello.Copy !req
105. Don't look so nervous,
I'm not going to eat you.Copy !req
106. So, how are you feeling?
Ready to be, um, examined?Copy !req
107. I'm a bit nervous.Copy !req
108. It's perfectly natural,
sweetheart.Copy !req
109. We just need to...
loosen you up.Copy !req
110. Ease into it.Copy !req
111. Now, the first part of the test
is a doddle.Copy !req
112. All you've got to do is sing outCopy !req
113. the registration plate
of that blue car.Copy !req
114. Um... Okay. It's...Copy !req
115. It's, um... ECopy !req
116. O-S...Copy !req
117. No, 5...Copy !req
118. 1...Copy !req
119. C-U-Z.Copy !req
120. Shit, it's a V not a U,
isn't it?Copy !req
121. Well, technically yes,
but, um...Copy !req
122. You get a pass on that one
for having such pretty eyes.Copy !req
123. Right, to the Batmobile, Robin.Copy !req
124. - Sorry?
- Off you pop to your car.Copy !req
125. Nice.Copy !req
126. Why don't you just let me
help you with that?Copy !req
127. So, Simon,
have you got a girlfriend?Copy !req
128. Is this part of the test?Copy !req
129. No, but I will fail you
if you say yes.Copy !req
130. Right,
just slip it into firstCopy !req
131. and pull out
of the center slowly.Copy !req
132. Shit! I stalled it.Copy !req
133. False start.
Just relax. Try again.Copy !req
134. Oh.Copy !req
135. Oh, you're shaking.Copy !req
136. I've failed, haven't I?Copy !req
137. Shush, silly.
No one's going to fail here.Copy !req
138. Um, right, I'm... I'm not sureCopy !req
139. that's helping
with the nerves, actually.Copy !req
140. Simon, if you don't want
my help, you've only to say.Copy !req
141. But trust me, I know
how difficult this test can be.Copy !req
142. Good boy. You steer,
and I'll do the pedals.Copy !req
143. That's the tricky bit.Copy !req
144. Simon never did tell usCopy !req
145. what happened
on his driving test.Copy !req
146. I passed!Copy !req
147. - Yay!
- I passed!Copy !req
148. First time. So you owe me that,
you little shit.Copy !req
149. - Hey, I didn't shake on it.
- A bet's a bet. Unlucky!Copy !req
150. Oh, well done, Simon.
We knew you'd pass.Copy !req
151. Your dad's just bringing round
your new car.Copy !req
152. Oh, God, Mum, this is brilliant!Copy !req
153. That is not fair.Copy !req
154. - You're not allowed to touch it.
- Well, we're very proud of you.Copy !req
155. It's a Fiat or something,
but he says it is second-hand.Copy !req
156. God, Mum, that doesn't matter.
This is so cool.Copy !req
157. That is the gayest car
I've ever seen.Copy !req
158. Oh, no...Copy !req
159. Dad. Really?Copy !req
160. Really?Copy !req
161. It might not look much,
but it's a great little runner.Copy !req
162. You won't be able to get up
enough speed to kill yourself.Copy !req
163. I don't want it.Copy !req
164. Come on, it's a special edition.Copy !req
165. A Hawaii. I bet your mates
at school will think it's cool.Copy !req
166. I can't go to school in it!Copy !req
167. Well, if I was a girl,Copy !req
168. I'd think whoever drove this
was pretty trendy.Copy !req
169. Are you trying to wind me up?
Why are you saying these things?Copy !req
170. I think you should just be a bit
more grateful, to be honest.Copy !req
171. Oh, Christ,
it's got a tape deck.Copy !req
172. See, that's good.Copy !req
173. No, it's not! You can't even
buy tapes anymore.Copy !req
174. Oh, you're being
melodramatic again.Copy !req
175. Now, why don't you go
and show Will?Copy !req
176. I bet he'll be jealous.Copy !req
177. Yeah, he'll be really jealous
of how yellow it is.Copy !req
178. And be careful,Copy !req
179. that's the most valuable present
you'll ever get.Copy !req
180. - I fucking hope not.
- I heard that!Copy !req
181. The good news
was that Simon had passed.Copy !req
182. The not-so-good newsCopy !req
183. was bright yellow
and parked in my driveway.Copy !req
184. Well, I don't think
it's too bad.Copy !req
185. It's not great, though, is it?Copy !req
186. No. But don't look at
the external realities, think ofCopy !req
187. - the immense possibilities.
- What?Copy !req
188. Yes, it's a Cinquecento Hawaii,
but it's also freedom.Copy !req
189. It's the possibility
of driving our own destiny.Copy !req
190. We can be what we want now,Copy !req
191. push our lives literally in
the direction we want them to...Copy !req
192. Oh, Christ, is that a tape deck?Copy !req
193. - Check out the Bendermobile.
- It looks like a pedo's car.Copy !req
194. He's jealous 'cause his family
haven't discovered fire yet.Copy !req
195. - You fucking what, McKenzie?
- Nothing.Copy !req
196. Oh, hello, Mrs. McKenzie.Copy !req
197. Oh, hello, Mark.
Is this your car?Copy !req
198. No, it's Cooper's.Copy !req
199. Oh.Copy !req
200. - Shame about the color, Simon.
- Right.Copy !req
201. Um, Mum,
we're just off to Thorpe Park.Copy !req
202. We're running a bit late
so we should probably go now.Copy !req
203. Thorpe Park? To ride
roller coasters? Is it safe?Copy !req
204. Yes, it's incredibly safe.Copy !req
205. Won't you be frightened?Copy !req
206. You cried when you went
on the Ghost Train.Copy !req
207. I was five years old!
Mum, please!Copy !req
208. I just worry about you, petal.Copy !req
209. Ooh, actually,
I should get you a jumper.Copy !req
210. Go! Just drive before
she gets back.Copy !req
211. Simon's dad
needn't have worried.Copy !req
212. There was no danger of himCopy !req
213. getting up enough speed
to kill himself,Copy !req
214. despite the fact Thorpe ParkCopy !req
215. would be shutting
in a few hours.Copy !req
216. - Where's your new car, Si?
- Round here.Copy !req
217. Fuck me!Copy !req
218. Do you get a free Barbie when
you buy one of these? Shotgun!Copy !req
219. - After you.
- I called shotgun.Copy !req
220. - What?
- Shotgun.Copy !req
221. It means I get the front seat.Copy !req
222. In what way
could it possibly mean that?Copy !req
223. It just does.Copy !req
224. Look, we drove over here
with me in the front seat.Copy !req
225. We've come to pick you up,
we've picked you up.Copy !req
226. Now in you get and I'll return
to my previous position.Copy !req
227. It's not happening, freak.
I called shotgun.Copy !req
228. - He's right, he did call it.
- What?Copy !req
229. - You're backing him?
- Get in the back, Will.Copy !req
230. Ow! All right,
I'm getting in. Get off!Copy !req
231. I'm hyperreflexic,
my bones will pop out.Copy !req
232. So we had a car.Copy !req
233. It was a shit car,
but it was still a car.Copy !req
234. All we needed now
was some girls.Copy !req
235. Aye! Up ahead,
a car full of muff!Copy !req
236. Pull alongside them, Si.Copy !req
237. I can't. I'm not turning left.
It's against the Highway Code.Copy !req
238. - Well, just beep them.
- No.Copy !req
239. - Don't be such a pussy!
- Oi! No! Get off!Copy !req
240. All right, all right.Copy !req
241. Hello, lovelies! Follow them.Copy !req
242. All right, I suppose.Copy !req
243. Shit, I stalled it.Copy !req
244. Oh, you dickhead.
They're getting away.Copy !req
245. You make it sound like
we're about to attack them.Copy !req
246. I can't believe
you lost the muff wagon.Copy !req
247. What were we going to do anyway?Copy !req
248. Follow them until they're forced
to drive to a police station?Copy !req
249. They love it, you tool.
It's called flirting.Copy !req
250. Yeah, a terrifying and
unsolicited form of flirting.Copy !req
251. If you didn't drive
like such an old woman,Copy !req
252. we might actually
catch up with them.Copy !req
253. I'm not going to risk our necks
for some random girls.Copy !req
254. I'd give a left bollock
for them.Copy !req
255. So get a fucking move on.Copy !req
256. I think that's them up ahead.Copy !req
257. Yes! We've caught up with them.
Do a left.Copy !req
258. - What're you doing? Pull out.
- No.Copy !req
259. There's a space,
you can go now.Copy !req
260. No, it's not safe.Copy !req
261. Are you winding me up?
Look, go now!Copy !req
262. Thorpe Park is going
to be closing soon, Si.Copy !req
263. Look, fuck off, all right!
I've just passed my test.Copy !req
264. I'm not gonna crashCopy !req
265. 'cause you twats
can't wait two minutes.Copy !req
266. Just fucking go!Copy !req
267. - There's a gap! Quickly!
- All right! For fuck's sake!Copy !req
268. Oh, shit.Copy !req
269. Now look what
you've made me do.Copy !req
270. Oh, God!Copy !req
271. Why are they going
so fucking slowly?Copy !req
272. Yeah, I mean, it's almost as if
they don't want to seeCopy !req
273. their dearly departed
fly out the back onto the A320.Copy !req
274. Oh, God!Copy !req
275. It wasn't a great start
to our first road tripCopy !req
276. and knowing our luck, they'd be
burying him at Thorpe Park.Copy !req
277. It's fair to sayCopy !req
278. overtaking dead bodies
wasn't Simon's strong point.Copy !req
279. By the time we finally got
to Thorpe Park,Copy !req
280. we only had two hoursCopy !req
281. of valuable
roller coaster time left.Copy !req
282. I can't believe you lost
the muff, you bellend.Copy !req
283. They were giving us the come-on.Copy !req
284. Yeah, by driving away
as fast as possible.Copy !req
285. They wanted us to chase them.Copy !req
286. But it's hard to have a chase
when you don't go over 30.Copy !req
287. It's 30 for a reason.Copy !req
288. Look, I think we should rememberCopy !req
289. - today's about roller coasters.Copy !req
290. And Simon's got us here safely.Copy !req
291. I thought it was about me,
passing my test.Copy !req
292. Yes. As well.Copy !req
293. But mainly
it's about Nemesis Inferno.Copy !req
294. No, today's about tits.Copy !req
295. - And we are in luck. Get them.
Right.Copy !req
296. Park it!Copy !req
297. - Quickly, you dickhead.
- Fuck off!Copy !req
298. I'm not waiting any longer.Copy !req
299. Oh, no!Copy !req
300. Oh, shit!Copy !req
301. Oh, dear. Your dad's not
going to be pleased, is he?Copy !req
302. God, look what you've done.
Christ, I've only had it a day!Copy !req
303. Oh, you're in the shit!Copy !req
304. - Where you going?
- My dad's going to go mental.Copy !req
305. - I've got to get this fixed.
- But the roller coasters.Copy !req
306. I don't care.
I have to get this fixed.Copy !req
307. But Simon, we've come so far.Copy !req
308. Neil's sister's boyfriend
is a mechanic. He'll fix it.Copy !req
309. - Is he?
- Well, there you go, then!Copy !req
310. We'll go and find Neil,Copy !req
311. his sister's boyfriend
will fix the car,Copy !req
312. and your dad will be
none the wiser.Copy !req
313. As we've traveled all this way,Copy !req
314. we might as well
enjoy the rides.Copy !req
315. But my car...Copy !req
316. Simon, look at me. Look at me!Copy !req
317. I guarantee the Nemesis Inferno
will cheer you up.Copy !req
318. Or think about them lovelies.Copy !req
319. They're in there
with their tits and that.Copy !req
320. Come on,
let's go and find Neil for you.Copy !req
321. Can't we just phone him?Copy !req
322. He's at work, Si.
He can't take personal calls.Copy !req
323. We're going to have to go in,
if we want to talk to him.Copy !req
324. What about my car door?
What if someone nicks it?Copy !req
325. We'll take it with us.Copy !req
326. They'll definitely have
a place to store it.Copy !req
327. Fine. For fuck's sake.Copy !req
328. We have baby-changingCopy !req
329. and disabled access
for limited rides.Copy !req
330. Right.Copy !req
331. Not really what I asked, though.Copy !req
332. We don't have anywhere
to store car doors.Copy !req
333. Turns out they don't have
anywhere to store car doors.Copy !req
334. Knew it. Fine. We'll take turns
carrying it, then.Copy !req
335. I'm not carrying it.Copy !req
336. Fuck not carrying it. You're
paying for it as well, mate.Copy !req
337. Me? Why?Copy !req
338. - Because you ripped it off.
- You reversed!Copy !req
339. But you're the one
who ripped it off!Copy !req
340. Hey! Let's not argue.Copy !req
341. Let's just get in there,
have some fun.Copy !req
342. Face it.
If you could park properly,Copy !req
343. this wouldn't have happened.Copy !req
344. Yeah? I'm the only one who can
drive, so you can fuck off.Copy !req
345. I can drive. I took an army
driving course when I was ten.Copy !req
346. Bollocks, you still wet the bed
when you were ten.Copy !req
347. Yeah, I wet
your mum's bed, with my spunk.Copy !req
348. Yeah, brilliant.Copy !req
349. When we got
into the park,Copy !req
350. I realized
it had been worth ruiningCopy !req
351. a dignified man's funeral for.Copy !req
352. It was amazing.Copy !req
353. We may have lost
the, hmm, tits,Copy !req
354. but the roller coaster
was still in our sights.Copy !req
355. First up, we had to find Neil,Copy !req
356. if only to stop Simon
bitching about his car.Copy !req
357. - I'm not paying for it.
- Yes, you are.Copy !req
358. - Good luck with that.
Let's just find Neil.Copy !req
359. What's that?Copy !req
360. Are you all right, Mr. Monkey?Copy !req
361. It hurts!
- Does he need help?Copy !req
362. Help! Help!Copy !req
363. Not up my nose! Not my nose!Copy !req
364. - He's gone mental.
Poor fucker.Copy !req
365. - A wasp!
- Neil!Copy !req
366. Wasp! In me costume!Copy !req
367. Oh, God, that hurts.Copy !req
368. Stupid bloody wasps!Copy !req
369. Neil, I need to speak to you
about your sister's boyfriend.Copy !req
370. Oh, Jesus, Neil!Copy !req
371. Christ, you're naked
under there.Copy !req
372. I don't think it's a good idea
to be nakedCopy !req
373. if you're working with kids.Copy !req
374. Mr. Monkey isn't naked.
He's got a waistcoat and a hat.Copy !req
375. No, not Mr. Monkey, Neil. You.Copy !req
376. - But I'm in the suit.
- Yes, naked.Copy !req
377. Look, I'm in agony here.Copy !req
378. Put some of that cream
on my stings.Copy !req
379. - God, all right, then.
- The worst ones are on my back.Copy !req
380. And arse.Copy !req
381. Fuck that!
Look, you lot can stay hereCopy !req
382. and finger Neil's arse
if you want to,Copy !req
383. but I'm off to find the clunge.Copy !req
384. Neil, seriously, can you
put it away, so we can talk?Copy !req
385. Put some clothes on.Copy !req
386. All right. All right.Copy !req
387. Oh, not again.Copy !req
388. - What?
- They're always doing this.Copy !req
389. They're bonkers.
They've nicked my clothes.Copy !req
390. Where would they put them?Copy !req
391. I don't know. Last time
this happened, they burnt them.Copy !req
392. Burnt them?Copy !req
393. Please hurry up. We can't go
on the roller coasterCopy !req
394. if you're naked.Copy !req
395. Don't worry. I'll get something
out of the lost property bin.Copy !req
396. There's always stuff in there.Copy !req
397. With the stench
from Neil's arseCopy !req
398. still hot in my nostrils,
we headed for Nemesis.Copy !req
399. Though technically dressed,Copy !req
400. the clothes Neil had picked
from lost propertyCopy !req
401. made him look surprisingly like
a Brazilian male prostitute.Copy !req
402. I've just seen the clunge
head towards Nemesis.Copy !req
403. Sounds like
they're thrill-seekers, too.Copy !req
404. I hope
they're cock-seekers, too.Copy !req
405. - Brilliant.
- See you.Copy !req
406. Neil, I seriously need to speak
to you about my car.Copy !req
407. What?Copy !req
408. Your sister's boyfriend
works in a garage, doesn't he?Copy !req
409. - Yeah, he works in a garage.
- Will he be working tonight?Copy !req
410. Probably, he works
most evenings.Copy !req
411. Brilliant, perfect,
that's sorted.Copy !req
412. The park's about to close
so we'll go on Nemesis nowCopy !req
413. and deal with the car later.
But we'll go on Nemesis now.Copy !req
414. I suppose so.Copy !req
415. Oh.Copy !req
416. Hello.Copy !req
417. Yes, I got your text.Copy !req
418. Yes, I'm safe.Copy !req
419. - No, I'm not crying.Copy !req
420. So far,
the only terrifying experienceCopy !req
421. I'd had all day was seeing
Neil's cock and balls,Copy !req
422. but now the Nemesis Inferno
was tantalizingly close.Copy !req
423. This is your last chanceCopy !req
424. to queue for Nemesis Inferno.Copy !req
425. The ride is now closing.Copy !req
426. - Shit, still an hour queue.
- That's nothing.Copy !req
427. I once waited three hoursCopy !req
428. for the Indiana Jones ride
at Disneyland Paris.Copy !req
429. - You are mental.
- Mental.Copy !req
430. Why is enjoying things mental?Copy !req
431. This place is full of muff,Copy !req
432. but you're only interested
in roller coasters.Copy !req
433. Girls are everywhere, Jay.Copy !req
434. The best rides in the country
are only here.Copy !req
435. You sound like you're 40.Copy !req
436. I'm queuing. And I'm getting
in a separate queueCopy !req
437. for the front four seats.
The front's the best.Copy !req
438. The ride is now closing.Copy !req
439. Si, are you coming?Copy !req
440. You sure your sister's boyfriend
will be working tonight, Neil?Copy !req
441. Yeah, I told you
he works evenings.Copy !req
442. Well, that's sorted then! Now,
can we please get on the ride?Copy !req
443. Shotgun the outside seats.Copy !req
444. No, you can't shotgun
a roller coaster.Copy !req
445. Well, I just did.Copy !req
446. Oh, yes!Copy !req
447. You know this is one
of the only two versionsCopy !req
448. of this roller coaster
outside of the US?Copy !req
449. And I promise,Copy !req
450. although it's taken
a little bit longer...Copy !req
451. Half a fucking hour longer.Copy !req
452. to queue for the front,
it will be worth it.Copy !req
453. Unencumbered thrills.Copy !req
454. And we can come back
all year thanks to Neil.Copy !req
455. - Come on, we're up.
- Room for one more at the front.Copy !req
456. - Sorry?
- One more at the front.Copy !req
457. How can there possibly be room
for only one more at the front?Copy !req
458. Well, there's three people
on the frontCopy !req
459. so there's a spare seat there.Copy !req
460. Yeah, let's just rewind a bit,
shall we?Copy !req
461. Why are there now three people
at the front?Copy !req
462. - Sir, if you could just get on.
- They've pushed in.Copy !req
463. We spent over an hourCopy !req
464. queuing specifically for
the front and they've pushed in.Copy !req
465. - Sir...
- Get them off!Copy !req
466. Get them off and make them move!Copy !req
467. Fucking pushing in.Copy !req
468. It doesn't matter.
We'll sit at the back.Copy !req
469. Sir—Copy !req
470. Are they so dumb
they think it's okay to push in!Copy !req
471. Make them move!Copy !req
472. Shut up, you plum,
and get on the ride.Copy !req
473. Sir, it's the last ride
of the day. Please get on.Copy !req
474. Will, honestly,
it doesn't matter. Just get on.Copy !req
475. Fine! Fucking fine!Copy !req
476. I'll just get on
and sit at the frontCopy !req
477. next to these
inconsiderate arseholes.Copy !req
478. I'm the worst human being
in the world.Copy !req
479. When I look back
on my life,Copy !req
480. I'm pretty sure
that ride will be a low point.Copy !req
481. With a bit of luck,Copy !req
482. the others wouldn't find out
who I'd insulted.Copy !req
483. They were on the front?Copy !req
484. Oh, no, Will.Copy !req
485. Oh, my God.Copy !req
486. - Will...
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
487. - Don't!
Arseholes?Copy !req
488. - This is the best!
- You're going to hell.Copy !req
489. Please don't.Copy !req
490. So I'd finally
got to ride the Nemesis,Copy !req
491. which wasn't as much fun
as I'd hoped.Copy !req
492. It would be
a long journey home,Copy !req
493. made longer
by Simon carrying the doorCopy !req
494. and my heavy sense of shame.Copy !req
495. Well, it can't be
too hard to find.Copy !req
496. It's the color of my nan's piss.Copy !req
497. Why are you watching
your nan piss?Copy !req
498. Oh, Christ! What am I going to
say to my parents?Copy !req
499. Will the door go back on?Copy !req
500. Stop shitting yourself.Copy !req
501. Neil said his sister's boyfriend
will be able to fix it.Copy !req
502. No, he won't be able
to fix that.Copy !req
503. What?Copy !req
504. You said he'd be able to fix it.
You said he worked in a garage.Copy !req
505. He does, BP garage.Copy !req
506. He mucks about with cars,Copy !req
507. but he won't be able to fix that
in a million years.Copy !req
508. The door's come off.Copy !req
509. This is a disaster.
My dad's going to go mad.Copy !req
510. It'll be fine. We'll find
someone else to fix it.Copy !req
511. I know a bloke
who builds Formula One cars.Copy !req
512. He owes me a favor.Copy !req
513. Your make-believe friend
can't fix it.Copy !req
514. We'll find a mechanic
on the way back.Copy !req
515. It can't be too hard.Copy !req
516. As long as it's fixed
good as new,Copy !req
517. and my parents don't know,
that's all I care about.Copy !req
518. Over here it is, car park D.Copy !req
519. Ah.Copy !req
520. Oh, dear.Copy !req
521. What the fuck has happened?Copy !req
522. Holy shit! What's happened?Copy !req
523. At least they left
the tape deck.Copy !req
524. I don't believe this.Copy !req
525. There's no explaining this
to my dad.Copy !req
526. I mean, who and why?Copy !req
527. Yes, that makes sense.Copy !req
528. Fuckers, let's get them.Copy !req
529. Jay, I'm not going to
chase afterCopy !req
530. and then fight
the Happy Foundation bus.Copy !req
531. How are we getting home, then?Copy !req
532. It's true.
Girls do like cars.Copy !req
533. They just don't like
shitty little yellow carsCopy !req
534. that ruin funeralsCopy !req
535. and don't have all the doors
they were made with.Copy !req
536. Girls are also less keen
on boys who wear Speedos,Copy !req
537. borderline sex pests,Copy !req
538. and people
who insult the disabled.Copy !req
539. Inconsiderate arseholes!Copy !req
540. But it's not all bad.Copy !req
541. What we learned today is
there isn't a car on the planetCopy !req
542. that can make us cool,
whatever state it was in.Copy !req
543. Dad... What you need to know
is it wasn't my fault.Copy !req
544. Well, I'm sorry,
but it wasn't my fault!Copy !req