The Idol 1x3

1. Good morning, angel.

2. Get up. Let's go shopping.

3. What you don't even know, I'm a deadbeat man

4. Never know when to fold

5. What's wrong, Leia? It's a little bumpy.

6. You're hittin' the brakes a little too much.

7. Fuckin' up the vibe back here. What's goin' on?

8. Far away from my home

9. In this hot ass town, but my blood still cold

10. And better let them know

11. When you see them that you make sure they pay you

12. Pay you in cash

13. I don't do favors

14. I don't do that

15. You don't want to see me

16. See me get mad

17. No matter how bad you

18. You think I am, am

19. I'm a lesser man

20. A lesser man

21. A lesser man than you think I am

22. Oh, Valentino.

23. Right there. Stop right here, stop right here!

24. I'm a lesser man

25. I'm a lesser man

26. Hi, how are you?

27. Joss?

28. Thank you.

29. Thank you so much.

30. Hi, how are you?

31. - Hi. - Welcome in.

32. - Thank you. - Good to see you. Welcome.

33. - You see that young lady over there? - Yeah.

34. Got anything in the store as beautiful as she is?

35. - I think we can find some things. - Great.

36. It's good champagne, what is this?

37. It's a Valentino exclusive.

38. Oh, my God.

39. - Oh, my God. - You like it?

40. It's so fuckin' sexy.

41. I just wanna fuckin' tear this right off of you.

42. That looks amazing. Alright, what else they got?

43. What else they got? Look at that.

44. Love that. Oh, my God. Beautiful.

45. I mean, you can make it a little more skimpier somehow.

46. Just this with heels? All you need.

47. Joss, we're gonna try these shoes out.

48. I don't like flats. Do you like these?

49. Yeah, they're cute. It's for the house.

50. There you go. Look at that.

51. Are these a seven?

52. Yes. I believe so.

53. Thank you.

54. Think they look nice.

55. Baby, I believe that you're a star

56. But this is great, though. Let me keep this. Great job.

57. How about this top here? It will go well with—

58. No, it's trash.

59. What's up with this guy over here? What's his story?

60. He's great. He's been with us for a while. Yeah.

61. - Really? Can't be that good. - Yeah.

62. This is a beautiful top here. I think she'll love this one.

63. I don't think so.

64. - Oh my— - That's a great look.

65. - Do you like it? - Yeah.

66. Let me catch you lookin' at her again.

67. Let me catch you lookin' at her again.

68. - I'm not— - Let me catch you lookin' at her again.

69. - I'm sorry. I'm not— - Let me fuckin' catch you

70. lookin' at her again, I'll fuckin' drag you down Rodeo

71. by your fuckin' ass, just fuckin' stomp you.

72. - I'll fuckin' curb-stomp you. - I'm sorry.

73. I'll fuckin' curb-stomp you.

74. I'm sorry. I don't— I'm not sure what you were interpreting,

75. - but I wasn't doing anything. - Let me see it.

76. - Let me see it. - Chaim?

77. Leia, I called you 14 fucking times, where are you?

78. Wait, are you at the house?

79. Of course, I'm at the fucking house.

80. You say, "911," I come to the house, Leia.

81. Yo, I told you. This bitch is fuckin' brain-dead.

82. Chaim, I'm really scared.

83. This guy, Tedros, has just, like, taken over the fucking house.

84. Gun. Gun.

85. What does that mean, "He's taken over the house," Leia?

86. Well, this morning I'm sitting in the kitchen

87. and I'm talking to Andrés.

88. He just walks in, and he fires him.

89. Look, Leia, I don't give a fuck about any of this.

90. Where is Jocelyn right now?

91. Well, we're shopping.

92. You're fucking shop— They're shopping.

93. - This is some bullshit, man! - What's the matter with you?

94. I don't got time for this shit, man.

95. I mean, are you fucking kidding?

96. - It's hot as hell out here. - You're shopping?

97. Yo, I told you. This bitch is brain-dead.

98. Like really, you have to see it.

99. He's taken control of the house, like, mentally.

100. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm workin' with Jocelyn.

101. Money's not an issue. Yeah, I need him here today.

102. So, when Mike Dean gets here,

103. - that's Kanye's producer. - Yeah.

104. Where should he set up?

105. I will talk to Jocelyn about it.

106. I know it might be hard for you to,

107. to digest this right now, but I'm running the show.

108. Okay.

109. Sure, but I still have to talk to Jocelyn.

110. Leia,

111. are you fuckin' retarded?

112. What did I just say?

113. I'm running the show now.

114. Cat-walk, cat-walk. Buy it.

115. - We're getting this one. - Should I try this?

116. Love that.

117. - Love that. - It's a good look.

118. - Maybe she does this one next? - No. No, nope.

119. - Nope. Nope. - Sure?

120. Fuckin' bitch.

121. Chaim, you don't understand, he's forcing us to shop.

122. No, but he's brainwashed her.

123. Okay? He has her brainwashed.

124. - How're the probiotics working? - So good. Look.

125. - Oh, my God. - So much better.

126. You look amazing.

127. So much better, right?

128. Your body's just so tight.

129. - You look amazing. - Andrés!

130. Do you mind not groping my girl?

131. Tedros, you don't understand.

132. - He's a— - Boundaries.

133. - My family are doctors. - Are you a doctor?

134. No, I'm not, but my sister and my father,

135. they're both gastrointestinal doctors, so.

136. My friend's a gynecologist.

137. You don't see me stickin' my finger in everybody, do you?

138. Baby. Baby. It's okay.

139. There's nothing okay about what this creep just fuckin' did.

140. Right?

141. Get the fuck outta here.

142. I'm sorry, but I only take orders from my boss.

143. Who? Her? Right there?

144. Andrés, I'm really sorry, I just don't...

145. I don't know if this is the right fit anymore.

146. It's been a real pleasure working with you.

147. I just—

148. I wish you, like, all the best.

149. That translates to "get the fuck outta here," Andrés.

150. Like, I'm serious.

151. I'm driving down the road,

152. he's eating her out in the back of the car,

153. like, I don't know what to do.

154. And then he's, like, making eye contact with me.

155. And I'm pretty sure that he called the paparazzi himself.

156. - And like... - Hold on.

157. Hold on a second, Leia.

158. Fink, what can I do for you?

159. Chaim, are you trying to kill me?

160. Not today.

161. No, why?

162. Do you want my children to grow up without a father?

163. Is that what this is?

164. Fink, why would I wish that on anybody?

165. Well, then let's cancel the tour.

166. Fink, why are you saying this?

167. The tour's gonna make millions of dollars. What happened?

168. Millions of doll— Right now, she's making me have IBS.

169. I'm fuckin' shitting more blood than a kid at Epstein's island.

170. Has she ever let you down?

171. Yeah. About 6.7 million times. Remember that?

172. Okay. Except for that one unique circumstance.

173. Why do you like picking out clothes so much?

174. Just need some taste, that's it.

175. I have taste.

176. Really?

177. I know like when I was younger but like now,

178. you don't think I have taste?

179. Not really, no.

180. Last couple of days, you had a lot of taste.

181. You know what I think it is?

182. - What? - I think you're gay.

183. I ain't gay.

184. Even the way you said that sounded really gay.

185. Talk shit, huh? Talk shit, huh? Talk shit?

186. Talk shit? Talk shit?

187. Talk shit? Come here.

188. Nikki just called me and told me that she's throwing away "World Class Sinner."

189. The only fucking song

190. that's actually selling the fucking tickets.

191. - She's fuckin' throwing it away? - Hold on, hold on one second.

192. - Is that true? - Hold on.

193. Turn up the car radio very loud.

194. - Really loud. - Okay, okay.

195. Okay, I got it.

196. Fink, I'm sorry, it's hard to hear.

197. We're at the studio.

198. You're with— You're with Jocelyn right now?

199. She just played me two new songs,

200. they're gonna be fuckin' massive by the way.

201. Jocelyn has new music?

202. Of course, she has music. What's the matter with you?

203. Well, why the fuck haven't I heard it?

204. - Joss, hey, Joss? - Yeah?

205. It's Fink, he's completely freaking out.

206. - Oh, my God! Why? - No, no, no, no, no!

207. Don't fuckin' tell her I'm worried!

208. But he's not worried. He's got complete faith in you.

209. Okay, good.

210. Tell him he needs to come over.

211. - I miss him. - Okay, Joss misses you, Fink.

212. Well, fuckin' send the songs—

213. Put me on speaker. Let me hear it. I wanna hear 'em.

214. We're really in the middle here.

215. Let me, let me, let me hit you back. Okay, man?

216. No, no, no—

217. Choke me.

218. Oh fuck!

219. Oh fuck.

220. Oh fuck. Yeah, make me take it, Daddy.

221. - Oh, I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum. - No, don't cum inside me.

222. - I'm gonna cum inside you. - Don't cum inside me.

223. - I'm gonna cum inside you. - No, don't.

224. - What? - You can't cum inside me.

225. That fuckin' hurt.

226. - I'm sorry. - Fuck's wrong with you?

227. You can't cum inside me.

228. Almost bent my fuckin' dick.

229. What am I supposed to do?

230. I don't know. Figure it out.

231. - What are we gonna do, Chaim? - Hold on, hold on.

232. Turn the music down. You still there?

233. I'm, like, really fucking scared.

234. Like, what he was doing was just—

235. It was just, like, the scariest thing ever.

236. Okay, calm down. We'll be waiting here at the house.

237. Soul to soul

238. Keep fillin' up, hips been unlocked, and I can't

239. It's 2 in the morning, heels are gone

240. - Hi. - Hi.

241. Keep fillin' up, hips been unlocked

242. And I can't go

243. Fuck.

244. You're disgusting.

245. I can't go

246. Yeah, yeah, yeah

247. Let's get the fuck outta here.

248. 'Scuse me, 'scuse me.

249. Oh, my gosh. I love you so much!

250. To satisfy

251. Move, move! I need you guys to fucking move!

252. That's amazing.

253. Here, you like that?

254. Tedros.

255. Chaim.

256. Pleasure to meet you.

257. This is Destiny, my partner.

258. - Pleasure to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

259. What are you guys doing here?

260. I can't just come by to say hello to you?

261. You can. It's just usually you wanna talk to me about something.

262. Well, actually that song you guys made together,

263. I can't stop thinking about it.

264. That's just one night of working together.

265. Fuck off. Really?

266. One night?

267. So, you produced that song?

268. Kinda produced it together.

269. I know you guys are killing the song, but

270. I really wanted to add choirs on it.

271. I think choirs would sound really good on that song.

272. He just knows so much about music.

273. It's kind of incredible.

274. - It is. - It really is.

275. I mean, it's really impressive for someone who's self-taught.

276. I mean, it's almost unbelievable.

277. I know. Almost.

278. To what do we owe this good fortune?

279. I mean, where are you from, man?

280. How the fuck did you get here?

281. - I'm from here. I'm— - You're from LA?

282. - Yeah. - Yeah, but nobody's fuckin' from LA.

283. - Right. - Which part?

284. Hollywood.

285. - You grew up in Hollywood? - Yeah.

286. Me too.

287. - No shit. - Yes. Born and raised.

288. What school did you go to?

289. I wasn't the best student, unfortunately.

290. I'm a little embarrassed.

291. - Oh, you had got kicked out of school? - Yeah.

292. - So, what school? I— - Dee.

293. Why are you tryin' to, like, make him feel bad

294. about getting kicked out of school?

295. Oh, my God.

296. I am so sorry. Is that how you felt?

297. I mean, to be honest, I was kicked outta school, too.

298. - The similarities, man. - You got kicked out of high school?

299. - I got kicked outta high school. - Why?

300. Beatin' fake-ass bitches' asses.

301. No way.

302. Why am I not surprised?

303. So, Joss, you asked me to buy you two weeks, yeah?

304. So, do you folks have a plan?

305. What's the next step here?

306. I'm an amateur, right?

307. So, I wanted to bring in somebody

308. that can really synthesize some of my ideas,

309. so I reached out to Mike Dean.

310. Are you familiar with Mike Dean?

311. I mean, he's great. I mean, he comes to my club all the time.

312. Am I familiar with Mike Dean?

313. Mike fuckin' Dean?

314. His vibe is what is needed.

315. I mean, he's the greatest.

316. And she deserves the greatest.

317. Yeah, she does.

318. Okay, so you two keep doin' what you're doin'.

319. Three songs in two weeks. Yeah? Hits.

320. - Not songs, hits. - Hits.

321. - Undeniable. - Undeniable.

322. - Nothing less. - Nothing less.

323. Yeah, I know you're having a good time here,

324. but can you fuckin' focus with this guy?

325. Yes.

326. 'Cause I gotta tell you, nobody fuckin' believes in you right now.

327. - Come on. - No, no, no. She has to know the truth.

328. - You gotta know what the stakes are. - Okay, but you don't

329. - have to freak her out like that. - Yeah, no.

330. - It's too much pressure. - Join the freak-out club, okay?

331. I'm freaked out, she's freaked out.

332. If you had any sense, you would be fuckin' freaked out

333. because it's do or die, all right?

334. - It is. He's not lying. - No fucking room to fail here.

335. I mean, use it as motivation,

336. but that's what's happening.

337. And you got Mike Dean comin' here?

338. Well, then what the fuck you wasting time talking to me? Get to work.

339. - Come on. - I got you.

340. Three massive hits.

341. I'll deal with Nikki. Just try not

342. to end my fuckin' career, okay?

343. I will do my very best.

344. Or yours either.

345. - Bye, Dee. - Bye, sweetie.

346. I fuckin' love that guy.

347. He's amazing.

348. That went better than I expected.

349. Yeah.

350. I think our girl's in trouble.

351. My grandmother said you never trust a dude with a rat tail.

352. Oh, again.

353. Yeah. Spank me again.

354. - Incredible. Absolutely incredible. - Right?

355. It was amazing.

356. Why don't you sing about your mom?

357. I don't know. I feel like it's, like,

358. not something anybody wants to hear about.

359. And, like, that's not what they want from me.

360. I don't know. It kinda scares me.

361. - No. - Like

362. I feel like the more you let people in, the more reason they have not to

363. want you anymore, you know?

364. Okay.

365. Yeah.

366. But I've never really sung about anything,

367. - like, truthful. - Yeah.

368. Or anything that, like, really means anything to me.

369. Maybe just a lyric every once in a while. Like a secret.

370. Nobody has to know.

371. Yeah, you're right. Nobody has to know.

372. Just you and me.

373. Was it really hard when she, when she died?

374. Yeah.

375. Sorry.

376. She was really sick for a long time, and

377. I was holding her hand when she closed her eyes.

378. I'm sorry.

379. But I feel like she's still here.

380. It's weird. It's like she's still in this house,

381. like she's in all the walls,

382. and all the windows, and all the mirrors.

383. I just can feel her like she's still

384. watching me.

385. Thank you.

386. Look, Xander, I brought you up here to tell you that

387. creative direction fuckin' sucks with Jocelyn.

388. I don't disagree.

389. You don't disagree? You're the fuckin' creative director.

390. - What do you mean you don't disagree? - I know.

391. What is it with this fuckin' industry? Everybody hates what they fuckin' do.

392. Welcome to the music business, yeah.

393. How do you put out something you hate?

394. I'm fuckin' forced to.

395. - What do you mean "forced to"? - I could have

396. the greatest fucking idea in the world, and often, I fucking do.

397. And at the end of the day, it's whatever the fucking label and Jocelyn wants.

398. What do you think about "I'm a Freak"?

399. - The song? - Yeah.

400. It's fine.

401. - Fine? - It's fucking middle of the road,

402. not enough of are-invention,

403. fucking manufactured bad girl.

404. When was the last

405. truly fucking nasty, nasty, bad pop girl?

406. All right, let's say you had carte blanche, right?

407. What would you do?

408. I would take that photo with the fucking cum on her face

409. and I'd make it her album cover.

410. - I fuckin' would. - Wow, that's a great idea.

411. You're fuckin' smart.

412. You wanna do some coke?

413. No. All the coke in LA has fentanyl in it.

414. Not mine.

415. You used to be the prototype when I fantasized

416. Now I fantasize 'bout fuckin' you with open eyes

417. Put the indica down

418. Am I not turning you on

419. 'Cause you're turnin' me on

420. Yeah, you're turnin' me

421. Oh, it's hotter than the truth

422. Ooh, take every—

423. That's— Nah, can we stop it?

424. Please stop it. Please, stop, yeah.

425. - I mean, come on, man. - I'm not feelin' it, I'm sorry.

426. - Why did you stop that one? - I don't know.

427. - I'm gonna take it back. - Come on, man.

428. That was so good. I was in a trance.

429. No, no. I think it was so much better, like, three takes ago.

430. - Nah, you trippin'. - What did you think?

431. I think I just fell in love with you.

432. Sing with me on this next one then.

433. No.

434. - No? - No.

435. If Tedros heard you say that, you'd be in huge trouble.

436. What?

437. Yeah, you trippin'.

438. Yeah, you're not allowed to say no.

439. You're not allowed to say no?

440. - Yeah. - Why?

441. Because by saying no, you're denying yourself an experience.

442. Yeah, but not all experiences are good.

443. Debatable.

444. That's a really simple way of looking at things, Joss.

445. What do you mean?

446. Some of the most terrible experiences in life

447. can be the most valuable, like artistically.

448. Yeah.

449. I don't know. I guess, like, to a degree.

450. Okay, Robert Plant

451. had a son who died when he was five years old,

452. and he wrote "All My Love" after that,

453. and it's one of the most beautiful songs ever written.

454. Yeah, but I think if Robert Plant had a say in it,

455. he would've chosen his son's life.

456. And that'd be a pretty big loss for the world.

457. - You really believe that? - Yes.

458. That's really fucked up.

459. That's, like, actually fucked up.

460. How often do people come up to you and tell you

461. that your music saved their lives?

462. - A lot. - A lot.

463. And do you believe them when they say it?

464. Yes. I do.

465. Okay. Now imagine if you were Robert Plant.

466. Or imagine if you had lost someone that you loved

467. and you'd written one of the greatest love songs of all time.

468. Then what?

469. So, you think that by losing his son,

470. he was able to write something that saved a lot of people's lives.

471. - Yes. - And because of that,

472. you'll say yes to anything anyone asks you to do?

473. Yes.

474. - Yes. - Literally, anything?

475. Anything.

476. Interesting.

477. Izaak, get up and kiss Ramsey.

478. See?

479. Yes.

480. Would you have done that if Leia was in the room?

481. Yes, that wouldn't change anything, Jocelyn.

482. Even if it really hurt her feelings?

483. Yes.

484. Feelings can shift.

485. What you make and what you put out into the world,

486. that's the shit that lasts forever.

487. Not Leia's fuckin' feelings.

488. Would you kiss me?

489. Would I kiss you?

490. - That's not a good idea. - Yeah.

491. Why?

492. You know Tedros would fuckin' kill me.

493. - A little toast. - Speech?

494. When my Mom bought this house, it was so big

495. that I was always afraid it was gonna make me feel lonelier,

496. because it was so hard to fill up.

497. And I know that I haven't, like,

498. gotten to know everyone here super well yet,

499. but I just wanted to say,

500. thank you for coming into my life

501. and filling it with music, and inspiration, and love.

502. Yeah, it's just— It's really meant, like, the world to me,

503. and I don't know if I've

504. felt this happy in a really long time.

505. - Joss. - So thank you for that.

506. And Tedros,

507. thank you for teaching me how to have fun again.

508. To finding your family.

509. To finding your family.

510. Cheers, cheers.

511. Cheers.

512. So, Xander had a brilliant idea today.

513. No.

514. Yeah, he did.

515. - Yes, you did. - Tell me.

516. No, I would like to sleep on it, I think.

517. - No. No sleeping on it. - What?

518. - Oh, come on. - Tell it. It's brilliant.

519. Yeah, wait, I'm so excited.

520. - Come on. - Okay.

521. I was thinking and,

522. if your lovely label is so fucking obsessed

523. with making you a bad girl,

524. we should take the photo with the cum on your face

525. and we should make it your album cover.

526. - Brilliant. - That's a bar.

527. - No. - Brilliant. Genius.

528. You're kidding. You're kidding?

529. - I'm not kidding. - No.

530. - Absolutely not. - Why? Literally why?

531. Give me one reason why.

532. Because she h—

533. So many young girls look up to you.

534. Oh, my God.

535. Yeah, and they've all probably seen the photo.

536. They've all definitely seen the photo, actually.

537. Yeah, okay, but it's different if you, like, embrace it.

538. So, what? It's only okay if the internet, like, uses it against me?

539. - Preach. - No. The internet is on your side.

540. - No. - Literally, every outlet.

541. They all wrote beautiful pieces defending you

542. and your right to grow up and have a sex life.

543. There is no difference between the people making fun of me

544. and the people supporting me.

545. They're all capitalizing off of it

546. and they're just driving more people to look it up.

547. That's exactly why you should make it your album cover.

548. I don't have an album. I threw it away.

549. Okay, fine. Your first single.

550. I mean

551. we could make the caption like, "New music coming soon."

552. That's hard.

553. It's fire. It's fucking fire.

554. I'm rockin' with that.

555. I will think about it.

556. - I will think about it. - Just think about it.

557. I'm not sure I wanna restart the whole, like, jizz-rag Jocelyn hashtag.

558. I feel like that had its moment. I'm not sure I want—

559. Who gives a fuck?

560. Because it's actually humiliating

561. and, like, makes me feel really bad about myself.

562. Why?

563. Because, like, it just, like— I wanna be—

564. It just sucks. It actually sucks. It does.

565. No, what were you, what were you about to say just now?

566. I was gonna say, you know, I...

567. I wanna be taken seriously.

568. Why?

569. Because I do.

570. But why?

571. Because I wanna have a career that lasts and is meaningful

572. and isn't like a fucking joke.

573. And you will, Joss. You will. Trust me.

574. No, not if she doesn't take risks.

575. I mean, that's easy to say if you're not the one taking the risks.

576. Yeah, but, Joss, this is, like, the right risk at the right time.

577. - You've got great people— - There's no such thing

578. as "the right risk at the right time."

579. If it's risky, it's risky for a reason.

580. No, but if it's the right risk

581. then you, like, basically, know how it's gonna play out.

582. No, that's the exact opposite of a risk.

583. That's playing it safe. That's what everyone else does.

584. Is that what you do?

585. Why are you talking to me like I'm, like, new to the music industry?

586. I'm not. You are.

587. True.

588. - Don't be rude. - I'm not being rude.

589. It's just, like, I've been doing this for over a decade, so.

590. - And you're stuck. - Yeah, I'm stuck.

591. - I'm stuck at the moment. - At the moment?

592. What was the last song you wrote, Jocelyn?

593. "Daybreak."

594. - "Daybreak"! - "Daybreak."

595. - Oh, my God. - "Daybreak" on your second album.

596. That was my favorite song

597. - on the album. It's so good. - Of course, it was.

598. Okay, what was that, like a year ago? Year and a half?

599. Yeah, something like that.

600. I mean, I don't think that's, like, a big deal.

601. Like, I think it's gotta be the right song.

602. You mean the right risk.

603. Yeah, I mean the right risk.

604. And what I'm saying is, I think, maybe that's why you can't write a song.

605. Yeah, 'cause she's fucking overthinking everything.

606. - Exactly. - You...

607. of all people should know it's a bit more fucking complicated than that.

608. I mean, it is and it isn't.

609. I think that what Tedros is saying makes a lot of sense.

610. I think you care way too fucking much about what people think.

611. I think if I didn't care what people thought,

612. I wouldn't have a career.

613. I think if you care too much, you won't have a career.

614. How can you complain about making superficial music all the time,

615. about not being able to write anything honest, when

616. all you think about is what people are gonna fucking say?

617. You make superficial music because you think about superficial things.

618. I'm sorry. I don't think it's superficial

619. to wanna make music that connects with people.

620. - Not at all. - Right? Like—

621. Why don't you just—

622. Why don't you just be yourself, Jocelyn?

623. Because there's nothing about me that's relatable.

624. You sure about that?

625. Okay, what do you think is relatable about me?

626. I don't know. All the dark shit you've been through in your life.

627. I think the dark shit I've been through is pretty fucking unique, too.

628. Yeah, I would agree.

629. Her mom was like a rare breed.

630. How so?

631. I don't really feel like talking about it in front of everyone.

632. Too late.

633. Tedros.

634. Please.

635. Not now.

636. Jocelyn, I don't keep secrets from anyone at this table.

637. Well, that's, that's your prerogative.

638. I'm not gonna let you keep secrets either.

639. I think that's a little easier to say when you don't actually know the details.

640. Baby, there's nothing that you're gonna reveal to me right now

641. that's gonna make me love you any less.

642. I think I speak for everyone at the table when I say that.

643. You're safe here. I promise.

644. She did a lot of things.

645. A lot of things. Her...

646. her favorite was probably hitting me with a hairbrush.

647. Hitting you where?

648. My butt, my...

649. thighs, my stomach, my back.

650. Like, just anywhere people wouldn't notice.

651. - Why'd she do that? - To focus.

652. She did it as, like, a form of motivation, I guess.

653. Kinda like a dog.

654. She'd do it to help me remember my lines, to remember dance moves, to finish songs.

655. She'd do it to keep me from falling asleep

656. to help me wake up on time.

657. She'd do it if she caught me

658. smoking or drinking

659. or flirting with someone she didn't approve of.

660. She'd do it if I overate, if I didn't exercise,

661. or if she ever caught me

662. smiling to myself.

663. How long did this go on for?

664. Until the chemo made her so weak she couldn't lift up a hairbrush anymore.

665. You didn't fight back?

666. - No. - Why not?

667. Because there's just some battles you're never gonna win.

668. That's so sad.

669. - And no one said anything? - Nope.

670. What about you?

671. I don't know what we could've done.

672. You sure about that?

673. I did the best that I could at the time.

674. - Really? - Yeah.

675. How hard did she hit you, Jocelyn?

676. Hard enough to break skin.

677. Jesus Christ.

678. And you felt like Xander was there for you?

679. In a lot of ways, yeah.

680. So, I'm guessing no one said anything because you're getting paid?

681. Okay, that fucking wasn't it.

682. - No? - No.

683. What do you think?

684. I think it was just such a horrible, fucked-up situation

685. that no one really knew what the right thing to do was.

686. Is there a part of you that wonders

687. if the reason you're stuck is because your mother's not around?

688. Yeah, absolutely.

689. So, you, you miss it?

690. Getting hit?

691. The motivation it gave you.

692. Sometimes.

693. If you loved the music you were making

694. would you have felt like it was worth it?

695. Yeah.

696. Leia, you look tired.

697. Izaak, you should take her to bed.

698. Yeah, all right.

699. Come on.

700. It's okay.

701. Hey,

702. all that trauma, you're gonna turn into inspiration.

703. You're gonna tap into it.

704. You're gonna feel it.

705. You're gonna face it.

706. You're gonna remember it.

707. And you're gonna let it wash all over.

708. You still got that hairbrush?

709. Yeah.

710. Go get it.

711. Okay.

712. Mmm, mm-mm

713. I've been manipulated a hundred times

714. But none of them felt so soft and kind and

715. Hell is a place for what we tried but

716. It never felt so wrong in my mind and

717. Never understood why Mama cried

718. Could it be because our secret time

719. I always thought someday you'd find us but

720. Waiting for you is like slowly dying

721. 'Cause you kept me warm

722. You held me close until you let me go

723. Now my blood is cold

724. I never had the time to let you know

725. Take me back, take me back

726. Take me back

727. Take me back, take me back

728. Take me back

729. All of me, take all of me

730. All of me, all of me

731. Take me back, take me back

732. Take me back

733. Where do we go from here

734. Hold my heart and set me free

735. Where do we go from here

736. Kiss me with each melody

737. You're someone I used to fear

738. Because I loved your forbidden touch

739. The thought of you cut so deep

740. So, I'll open up my scar

741. 'Cause you keep me warm, just hold me close

742. I'll never let you go

743. 'Cause now my blood is cold

744. I'm waitin' for the day you call my phone

745. Take me back, take me back

746. Take me back

747. This is really gonna hurt.

748. Take me back

749. But if you push through the pain, it'll be beautiful.

750. All of me, take all of me

751. All of me, all of me

752. Take me back, take me back

753. Take me back

754. Thank you for taking care of me.

755. Where do we go from here?

756. Where do we go from here?

757. Where do we go from here?

758. Hold my heart and set me free

759. Where do we go from here?

760. Kiss me with each melody

761. Where do we go from here?

762. Kiss me with each melody