1. The big question is,
how aggressive do you want to be?Copy !req
2. Very aggressive.
We don't want to lose any more time.Copy !req
3. You've been trying for... two years?Copy !req
4. And four months.Copy !req
5. I have the app monitoring ovulation,Copy !req
6. taking temperature and mucus levels,Copy !req
7. we've been planning and pacing
intercourse.Copy !req
8. It's been very romantic.Copy !req
9. So we're looking at IUI or IVF.Copy !req
10. - IUI is the least invasive.
And outpatient.Copy !req
11. IUI...?Copy !req
12. Didn't you read the thing?
I told you to read it.Copy !req
13. Intrauterine insemination. The sperm
are injected directly into the uterus.Copy !req
14. - And yes, it's outpatient
- Let's start there.Copy !req
15. - You're 39, Steven?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
16. Okay, we'll test your sperm
for count and motility percentage.Copy !req
17. And how far away are we
from your period, Leigh?Copy !req
18. It's unpredictable.
A week, maybe ten days.Copy !req
19. Your cycle's unpredictable?Copy !req
20. Is that a problem?Copy !req
21. Possibly, possibly not.Copy !req
22. That and your age are all factors.Copy !req
23. Over 35, the situation
becomes more difficult.Copy !req
24. But very often it's manageable.Copy !req
25. But it might be likely
that based on your test results,Copy !req
26. we go straight to in vitro.Copy !req
27. Will Insurance help with that?
Most companies won't cover IVF,Copy !req
28. but very often the genetic testing
for the man will be covered.Copy !req
29. Oh, that sounds fair.Copy !req
30. All right, so, Steven,
when can we schedule your tests?Copy !req
31. Which tests?Copy !req
32. A blood panel for chromosomal diagnosis,Copy !req
33. a sample of your semen.Copy !req
34. When did you last ejaculate?Copy !req
35. A week.Copy !req
36. Maybe less.Copy !req
37. No, it's two weeks.Copy !req
38. When—Copy !req
39. We'll need to reschedule it
for another time.Copy !req
40. We need you within
three to five days after.Copy !req
41. Homework, honey. We gotta talk.Copy !req
42. About what?Copy !req
43. Steve?Copy !req
44. Steve! Steve.Copy !req
45. Steve!Copy !req
46. Oh. I'm sorry.Copy !req
47. - I'll just—
- I can fix this.Copy !req
48. No, I don't want to cancel it,
I just wanted a usage alert.Copy !req
49. So you'll text me next time it's used?Copy !req
50. Okay. Thanks.Copy !req
51. He hasn't used the credit card yet.Copy !req
52. They're going to send me an alert
when he does.Copy !req
53. We can get a location from that.Copy !req
54. God, I hope he...Copy !req
55. just tries an ATM and doesn't
trade the card for dope.Copy !req
56. Does he have your PIN?Copy !req
57. Are you kidding?Copy !req
58. Why would he try an ATM?Copy !req
59. I'm sorry, Steve.
Do you have a better suggestion?Copy !req
60. He took the card to use the card,Copy !req
61. and now we'll know if he does.Copy !req
62. He didn't have to break the house.Copy !req
63. No, I don't think he did.Copy !req
64. Me neither.Copy !req
65. Someone ask you what you think, Theodora?Copy !req
66. Sorry.Copy !req
67. If it wasn't Luke, who was it?Copy !req
68. Maybe one of your kids.Copy !req
69. Yeah, that makes sense.Copy !req
70. It's probably my kids.Copy !req
71. Or maybe it was the guy
who just stole a carCopy !req
72. to put a needle in his arm.Copy !req
73. I'm worried about
a lot more than that.Copy !req
74. What do you mean?Copy !req
75. I mean, that suicides
can cluster in families,Copy !req
76. especially twins.Copy !req
77. If they lose a twin,Copy !req
78. the odds go up.Copy !req
79. He may not be planning to come home.Copy !req
80. Where— Where would he go?Copy !req
81. He could be anywhere.Copy !req
82. He was picked up off Mass Ave a few times
when he was living here.Copy !req
83. Methadone Mile.Copy !req
84. - What's that?
- Mass Ave, south of downtown.Copy !req
85. It's basically an open-air drug market.Copy !req
86. I remember it.Copy !req
87. - I'll go look for him.
- It's a waste of gas.Copy !req
88. - He could be anywhere.
- Yeah, I'll go with you.Copy !req
89. I got this.Copy !req
90. Just wait a bit.Copy !req
91. - We'll see if he's using the card.
- Call me if he does.Copy !req
92. Are you gonna drive in circles?Copy !req
93. - Hope he's standing on some corner?
Maybe, I don't know.Copy !req
94. We're really not going to tell them
what we saw?Copy !req
95. Damn it, Luke.Copy !req
96. We going or what?Copy !req
97. I just want to help.Copy !req
98. I just want to help.Copy !req
99. Look, bud, I know you do,Copy !req
100. but I'm gonna start using
some really strong chemicals down here...Copy !req
101. and it just isn't safe.Copy !req
102. I can help with something else, then.Copy !req
103. Look, pal,Copy !req
104. I've already hired all the help
I can affordCopy !req
105. just to get everything else
finished by the end of summer.Copy !req
106. I could use your help
with something, though.Copy !req
107. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
108. See, your mom's going to go
to your Aunt Janet's in a few daysCopy !req
109. and stay a bit.Copy !req
110. Maybe a week.Copy !req
111. How come?Copy !req
112. Well, you know, she's been cooped up
in this house all summer and...Copy !req
113. Anyway, I know it's not
the most exciting thing,Copy !req
114. but I could really use your helpCopy !req
115. watching your brother and your sisters
while she's away.Copy !req
116. Yeah.Copy !req
117. Yeah, I got you.Copy !req
118. Okay.Copy !req
119. Mom?Copy !req
120. What do you mean, sweetheart?Copy !req
121. Of course you're safe with me.Copy !req
122. - Mom.Copy !req
123. Are you okay?Copy !req
124. Where...Copy !req
125. Where are the twins?Copy !req
126. Downstairs.Copy !req
127. Of course.Copy !req
128. - Are you sure—?
- I'm fine, sweetie. I'm fine.Copy !req
129. Okay, thanks.Copy !req
130. Well, he's— he's not at Holy Family.Copy !req
131. We'll, he's probably not going to
instantly OD.Copy !req
132. You're going to call every hospital
in Boston? That the plan?Copy !req
133. What, you're going to just drive around,
hope we spot him in a city of 700,000—?Copy !req
134. I'm not looking for him.
I'm looking for a beat-up green JeepCopy !req
135. with not one, but two Ani DiFranco
bumper stickers,Copy !req
136. and I'm looking for it
where I know he used to score.Copy !req
137. Gotta do something.Copy !req
138. Yeah, we do.Copy !req
139. So, um...Copy !req
140. What's going on?Copy !req
141. - Hmm?
- What's going on with you and Leigh?Copy !req
142. What do you mean?Copy !req
143. Well, I mean... how's your marriage?Copy !req
144. You're kidding, right?Copy !req
145. You're not living at home,Copy !req
146. and I couldn't help but notice
at the funeral—Copy !req
147. - You aren't seriously doing this.
- Well, yeah, I am. I—Copy !req
148. Jesus Christ, Dad, you're out of line.Copy !req
149. We might be in the car for a while,
and so I thought to myself,Copy !req
150. "I'm going to ask my son about his life."
What's wrong with that?Copy !req
151. Doesn't work that way, Dad.Copy !req
152. Your mom and I were married 15 years.Copy !req
153. Together five before that.Copy !req
154. She used to say she was the kite
and I was the line.Copy !req
155. She was a... creature of the cloudsCopy !req
156. and... and I was a creature of the earth.Copy !req
157. And she'd say that without me
she'd become untetheredCopy !req
158. and she would float away up into the...Copy !req
159. And then without her,
I would just, you know,Copy !req
160. crash, just drop right down
to the ground,Copy !req
161. and, you know.Copy !req
162. But... together...Copy !req
163. we...Copy !req
164. You know, we separated.Copy !req
165. You... You didn't know that, probably.Copy !req
166. Briefly, we separated.
You were one year old.Copy !req
167. Stupidest thing I ever did.Copy !req
168. You know, I made some stupid
proclamation and that was it.Copy !req
169. Two weeks.Copy !req
170. Two weeks. I don't even know how
we got there. I just know we fought.Copy !req
171. I don't know what we fought about,
but I finally came to my senses, and...Copy !req
172. I thought, "What the hell,
you stupid asshole. What are you, insane?"Copy !req
173. So, you know, I came back
and knocked on the door,Copy !req
174. she answered it,
she put her arms around me,Copy !req
175. she kissed me,
she forgave me with her eyes, and...Copy !req
176. She handed you to me.Copy !req
177. I had you in one arm
and her in the other and that was it.Copy !req
178. We were back at it.Copy !req
179. And Shirley came along and...Copy !req
180. from that moment on,
we were on the same team.Copy !req
181. You know, we still fought sometimes,Copy !req
182. but it was...Copy !req
183. it was different. We fought with love.
She taught me that.Copy !req
184. You fight with love.Copy !req
185. Yeah, when you're...Copy !req
186. You're on the same team
even in the middle of a fight.Copy !req
187. During the fight,Copy !req
188. you're... you're forgiven.Copy !req
189. There's no fear. There's no danger.
You're safe.Copy !req
190. I hope, really, you get to
experience that sometime.Copy !req
191. It's a...Copy !req
192. It's a beautiful way to be.Copy !req
193. You know, look, we weren't perfect...Copy !req
194. but we were always kind.Copy !req
195. And we loved each other hard.Copy !req
196. And I love her today
just as much as I did in the beginning.Copy !req
197. The kite and the line.Copy !req
198. So whatever you need to fix
between you and Leigh...Copy !req
199. I really hope you do.Copy !req
200. And...Copy !req
201. That's all I... That's all I really
wanted to say.Copy !req
202. Candy, candy, candy, candy!Copy !req
203. Sure you won't come with us?Copy !req
204. You guys have fun.Copy !req
205. Come on, Mom, candy!Copy !req
206. We'll bring her back some.
Mom's had a very hard day.Copy !req
207. Would you stop that?Copy !req
208. I'm still disappointed you're not going
as Captain Lame.Copy !req
209. I swear to God, Dad.Copy !req
210. Candy, candy, candy!Copy !req
211. Hey.Copy !req
212. Can we talk when I get back?Copy !req
213. How? You'll be back at the hotel.Copy !req
214. Okay. Okay, Shirl.Copy !req
215. Stop.Copy !req
216. - Let's go.
- Turn off the porch light.Copy !req
217. I can't handle trick-or-treaters tonight.Copy !req
218. I love you.Copy !req
219. You guys have fun.Copy !req
220. What the hell?Copy !req
221. Sorry, no candy here.Copy !req
222. Goddamn light's off.Copy !req
223. I'm gonna call the hospitals again.Copy !req
224. - Maybe he just forgot his ID.
- And ask them what?Copy !req
225. If they've seen a junkie
in a funeral suit?Copy !req
226. He's 90 days clean
and he's your brother.Copy !req
227. He's a good man, Steve.Copy !req
228. They're not mutually exclusive.Copy !req
229. He's my brother, but he's a junkie.Copy !req
230. We're not going to find him like this.Copy !req
231. - You didn't have to come.
- Yeah, I did.Copy !req
232. - No, you really didn't.
- Yeah, I did, Steve.Copy !req
233. He's my son. You know? My...Copy !req
234. I don't know what I'd do
if I lost him, any of you.Copy !req
235. Yeah, I had to come.Copy !req
236. I can't... I can't lose...Copy !req
237. I can't lose anyone else.Copy !req
238. One day when you have children,
you'll understand that.Copy !req
239. I'm never having children.Copy !req
240. Well, that's... that's a shame.Copy !req
241. 'Cause you kids are the best thing
in my life.Copy !req
242. You mean Aunt Janet's life?Copy !req
243. She's the one who raised your kids,
didn't she?Copy !req
244. - You don't know what it was like.
- You never told me.Copy !req
245. Everything I did, I did to protect you.Copy !req
246. To protect us, I know, yeah.Copy !req
247. Just like you protected Mom.Copy !req
248. Here we go.Copy !req
249. I saw the police reports.Copy !req
250. - Her skull cracked like a melon—
- All right, Steve, why don't you just—?Copy !req
251. There was blood all over
the library carpet.Copy !req
252. There were bruises on her upper arms because someone
grabbed her pretty hard.Copy !req
253. Okay, Steve—Copy !req
254. And a contusion on the back of her head
from being shoved into a wall?Copy !req
255. Her ankle was twisted,
so she was limping,Copy !req
256. she was bruised to hell,
depressed out of her mind,Copy !req
257. unmedicated, untreated,
and abandoned.Copy !req
258. It wasn't like that.Copy !req
259. I did my best. You have no idea—Copy !req
260. You threw us in car,
you left her there alone,Copy !req
261. and she threw herself
off the goddamn staircase,Copy !req
262. and that was your best?Copy !req
263. All right, well, she should not
have been left alone in the house—Copy !req
264. Fuck the house. It wasn't the house.
She was sick.Copy !req
265. She was sick in her mind,
and the one person,Copy !req
266. the one person that was supposed
to take care of herCopy !req
267. didn't do a goddamn thing
to get her help.Copy !req
268. I miss her.Copy !req
269. I miss my mom.Copy !req
270. I miss her too.Copy !req
271. It's certainly beautiful.
Where did you find it?Copy !req
272. The game room.Copy !req
273. - The what room?
- Upstairs.Copy !req
274. You know, I think a little paint,
maybe fix those doors,Copy !req
275. - and she might really love it.
- I'm sure she will.Copy !req
276. So do you know
where the paint and stuff is?Copy !req
277. - Why don't you ask your father?
- I did. He's busy.Copy !req
278. He said if it wasn't tagged for sale,
I could do whatever I wanted.Copy !req
279. And it's not tagged for sale.Copy !req
280. Well, I do know where some paint is.Copy !req
281. I thought so.Copy !req
282. This must have been Poppy's.Copy !req
283. Poppy?Copy !req
284. Poppy Hill.Copy !req
285. She was William's wife.Copy !req
286. She was insane.Copy !req
287. Yeah, she looks kind of wild.Copy !req
288. No, I mean clinically.Copy !req
289. So was he.Copy !req
290. William's parents sent him
to an institution when he was a kid.Copy !req
291. They called it private school,
but it wasn't a school, though.Copy !req
292. It was just a place where rich parents
hid their embarrassments.Copy !req
293. They met in the mental institution.Copy !req
294. They fell in love in an asylum.Copy !req
295. She was insane.Copy !req
296. Did you know her?Copy !req
297. Oh, yes.Copy !req
298. She was just as crazy, just older.Copy !req
299. She was a beautiful young woman
in her time, though.Copy !req
300. No doubt about that.Copy !req
301. If you really want this to be a surprise
for your mom,Copy !req
302. I'd suggest you don't work on it
in your room.Copy !req
303. Just take the fucking candy and go.Copy !req
304. You're very clever.Copy !req
305. How about you try another house? I'm not in the fucking mood!Copy !req
306. What the fuck do you want?Copy !req
307. Oh... Oh.Copy !req
308. I was just coming to apologize.Copy !req
309. Who are you yelling at?Copy !req
310. Some fucking kids are...Copy !req
311. Forget it.Copy !req
312. - Wait.
- Not now.Copy !req
313. - I can explain.
- I doubt that.Copy !req
314. - Shouldn't you be packing?
- I know what it looked like last night.Copy !req
315. - You were making out with my husband.
- No. No, there was no actual...Copy !req
316. Okay, so from what I can remember,
which isn't a lot actually,Copy !req
317. he pushed me away.Copy !req
318. - Is that supposed to make this better?
- If it wasn't even him.Copy !req
319. It wasn't... I didn't see him.
It wasn't about him.Copy !req
320. It's about you getting out of
my guest houseCopy !req
321. and off my fucking property.Copy !req
322. - If you would just let me talk.
- I don't care what you have to say.Copy !req
323. Don't you understand? Get out!Copy !req
324. You are impossible.
Do you know that?Copy !req
325. I'm sorry, have I offended you?Copy !req
326. You are always throwing it in my face
that I live in your guest house.Copy !req
327. Won't happen again.Copy !req
328. I choose to live there, Shirley.Copy !req
329. - With you, for you.
- Oh, I can't thank you enough.Copy !req
330. You ice people out.Copy !req
331. You always have.Copy !req
332. I ice people out?Copy !req
333. Have you met yourself?Copy !req
334. And so I chose to live there
to help try and keep you warm.Copy !req
335. You fucking suck at apologies.Copy !req
336. I don't have to live in your guest house.
I'm not some bohemian weirdo.Copy !req
337. I'm an adult.Copy !req
338. I am a fucking doctor.Copy !req
339. You're a fucking slut.Copy !req
340. I just need you to knowCopy !req
341. that it wasn't Kevin's fault
and he didn't do anything—Copy !req
342. Don't you fucking dare
defend my husband.Copy !req
343. All of us, all of us are just always
helping youCopy !req
344. keep up this idea in your head
that you're perfect Shirley,Copy !req
345. and we're just a bunch
of fuck-ups fucking up.Copy !req
346. - Perfect Shirley's perfect fucking—
- Out!Copy !req
347. No!Copy !req
348. You do not just get to shut me
out of your—Copy !req
349. Did you just punch me in the boob?Copy !req
350. Yeah. Yeah!Copy !req
351. If you kiss my husband,
that's what you get.Copy !req
352. You get punched
in the fucking boob.Copy !req
353. And you get evictedCopy !req
354. - from my fucking house.Copy !req
355. Shirl?Copy !req
356. What's up?Copy !req
357. They...Copy !req
358. Sorry, they...Copy !req
359. They got a hit.Copy !req
360. He used the card at a gas station.Copy !req
361. 202, just east of Amherst.Copy !req
362. Amherst? Um...Copy !req
363. Can you text me the address?Copy !req
364. - Shirl?
- Yeah.Copy !req
365. I'm here. Sorry.Copy !req
366. Yeah, I'll... I'll text you the address.Copy !req
367. - Amherst is on the way—
Yeah, I know where it is.Copy !req
368. You guys are gonna stay there,
we're gonna go to Amherst.Copy !req
369. I'm saying, if he's stopping in Amherst,
he's heading—Copy !req
370. Shirley, listen to me,
you're gonna stay put.Copy !req
371. - You hear me?
- Tell them what happened.Copy !req
372. Tell them what just happened.Copy !req
373. I'll text you.Copy !req
374. Some fucking kids playing a prank
is what happened.Copy !req
375. You know it wasn't.Copy !req
376. You know that.Copy !req
377. That's not the only thing like that
that's happened here tonight.Copy !req
378. I think Luke is going to the house.Copy !req
379. Of course he is.Copy !req
380. The goddamn house.Copy !req
381. It was a good enough spot for Nell,
it's a good enough spot for Luke.Copy !req
382. He always wanted to do what she did
his whole life.Copy !req
383. - You think you know.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
384. And you just don't,
you don't understand.Copy !req
385. Last time I saw Mom,Copy !req
386. the look in her eye,Copy !req
387. I've seen that look.Copy !req
388. And Nell over the years, and Luke,
from the start,Copy !req
389. from when he'd sit there
drawing crazy ghouls in his treehouse,Copy !req
390. and, hell, I've seen that look
in the mirror.Copy !req
391. Our family has a disease
that's never been treated,Copy !req
392. because it was easier
to listen to your crazy storiesCopy !req
393. about an evil house.Copy !req
394. You think you saw it in the mirror? That's
why you think you'll never have kids?Copy !req
395. Oh, I know I'm never having children.Copy !req
396. Because you think that they'll
just have the same imaginary sickness?Copy !req
397. They would. We all do.Copy !req
398. Nell was delusional, depressed,Copy !req
399. Luke's an addict,
Shirley is a control freak,Copy !req
400. and Theo's basically
a clenched fist with hair.Copy !req
401. The whole fucking family
is on the brink of a breakdownCopy !req
402. and seeing things that aren't there,
hearing things that aren't there,Copy !req
403. and that shit happened after the house.Copy !req
404. It's not the house.Copy !req
405. There's something wrong
with our goddamn brains.Copy !req
406. So yeah, I'm never having children.Copy !req
407. I made sure.Copy !req
408. A vasectomy.Copy !req
409. Right out of college.Copy !req
410. And it was the right call, believe me,
because if I ever doubted it, some of the bullshit
I've been hallucinating this week...Copy !req
411. You really did?Copy !req
412. Yeah.Copy !req
413. Before you met Leigh?Copy !req
414. Boy.Copy !req
415. You didn't tell her?Copy !req
416. You didn't tell her.Copy !req
417. No.Copy !req
418. She wanted kids, I knew that.Copy !req
419. I kept thinking, "I'll tell her later,
now's not the time."Copy !req
420. But then we were engaged,
and then we were married,Copy !req
421. and then we were trying and she
was so upset it wasn't working.Copy !req
422. I couldn't say.Copy !req
423. I can't. My genes.Copy !req
424. "My... My genes are rotten, Leigh."Copy !req
425. So I... I...Copy !req
426. I didn't tell her.Copy !req
427. And I thought I was being kind,
I really thought that.Copy !req
428. See, we're all fucking crazy.Copy !req
429. The crazy Crains.Copy !req
430. This sickness already killed two of us,
might kill a third tonight.Copy !req
431. That's...Copy !req
432. almost half.Copy !req
433. Be almost half of us.Copy !req
434. So, you want to tell me more
about the kite and the line?Copy !req
435. Or just...Copy !req
436. Just tell me what a shitty husband I was.Copy !req
437. Go ahead.Copy !req
438. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
439. I'm just...Copy !req
440. I'm just so sorry, son.Copy !req
441. You did this?Copy !req
442. This is beautiful.
You did this by yourself?Copy !req
443. Thought it might cheer you up.Copy !req
444. Dad said you've been...Copy !req
445. What? What did he say?Copy !req
446. I'm... I just...Copy !req
447. I know you're taking a little vacation.Copy !req
448. I wanted to cheer you up.Copy !req
449. Oh, sweetie.Copy !req
450. How long are you going to be gone?Copy !req
451. Oh, not long.Copy !req
452. Not long, honey.Copy !req
453. I just need a little time away.
It's nothing more than that, okay?Copy !req
454. Okay.Copy !req
455. This is perfect.Copy !req
456. Thank you. Thank you! I love it.Copy !req
457. Mom?Copy !req
458. Oh, baby.Copy !req
459. Oh, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
460. This is an older picture.
He would have been wearing a suit.Copy !req
461. - About an hour ago. Did he come in?
- Yeah, I think so.Copy !req
462. Yeah?Copy !req
463. Did he say anything weird
or do anything... ?Copy !req
464. He filled up his Jeep.Copy !req
465. - Green Jeep?
- That's right.Copy !req
466. And then he filled up some cans,
like, five cans.Copy !req
467. Five cans, you say?Copy !req
468. - Was it him?
- Yeah.Copy !req
469. What are you doing?Copy !req
470. - I'm driving.
- No, this...Copy !req
471. This is my rental.Copy !req
472. Jesus, Dad, slow down.Copy !req
473. He bought five cans of gasoline.
He's not going to kill himself,Copy !req
474. - he's going to burn the house down.
- That's a relief.Copy !req
475. He's in more danger now
than he's ever been,Copy !req
476. and if he tries to burn it,
it will defend itself.Copy !req
477. - You really didn't hear a word I said.
- I did. Now you're gonna listen to me.Copy !req
478. There's a lot you don't know.Copy !req
479. I thought I could keep you kids safe
if you didn't know, but for 20 yearsCopy !req
480. I've been holding the door closed,
'cause I knew there were monstersCopy !req
481. on the other side,
do you understand me?Copy !req
482. Not even a little.Copy !req
483. Our family is like an unfinished meal
to that house,Copy !req
484. and your brother is walking
right back into...Copy !req
485. That house is the most dangerous place
in the world for all of us,Copy !req
486. but especially for you.Copy !req
487. - For me?
- Yeah, you.Copy !req
488. What? Why?Copy !req
489. Because I read your book,Copy !req
490. and you are the last person that
should ever step foot in that houseCopy !req
491. because of what you wrote
and how you wrote it.Copy !req
492. You think you know what you saw?Copy !req
493. - You think you know what you wrote?
- What?Copy !req
494. I know you saw a ghost.Copy !req
495. - Yeah, chapter 19.Copy !req
496. Yeah.Copy !req
497. That little story about the vanity
you painted for your mother.Copy !req
498. That's a story about a schizophrenic womanCopy !req
499. having a manic episode
in front of a mirror.Copy !req
500. You don't understand what you wrote—Copy !req
501. No, I saw Mom smash that glassCopy !req
502. - for no reason.
- Before that.Copy !req
503. Go to the beginning,
that little bit,Copy !req
504. about the vanity and why you did it.Copy !req
505. - You found the vanity in the game room.
- Uh-huh. And you walked by the man
repairing the clock,Copy !req
506. and then you saw your mother
looking into the twins' room,Copy !req
507. staring at their empty beds.Copy !req
508. Textbook dissociative episode.
She was not well.Copy !req
509. No, no, not her.Copy !req
510. The man repairing the clock.Copy !req
511. What about him?Copy !req
512. Do you know what "witness marks" are?Copy !req
513. They're scars.Copy !req
514. Little marks inside the clock,Copy !req
515. scrapes, lines, divots,Copy !req
516. from tools, gears,Copy !req
517. pieces removed from the clock.Copy !req
518. They're basically evidence of repairs
that have been done to the clockCopy !req
519. and what the clock was.Copy !req
520. And with antique clocks,Copy !req
521. you almost never have a repair record,Copy !req
522. so you have to learn how to read
the witness marks,Copy !req
523. so you can understand
what was done to the machineCopy !req
524. and how it's meant to function.Copy !req
525. Witness marks tell the story of the piece,Copy !req
526. if you know how to read them.Copy !req
527. What are you trying to say?Copy !req
528. I had that clock evaluated
by a professionalCopy !req
529. before we even moved into the house.Copy !req
530. I just wanted to know its history,
know its value.Copy !req
531. That clock hadn't been touched
since the '60s.Copy !req
532. You hired a slew of workers
toward the end...Copy !req
533. Not for that clock, I didn't. Uh-uh.Copy !req
534. No, and if I had, it would have
taken a specialist.Copy !req
535. There's only a handful in the world
who know how to do it right,Copy !req
536. and they take it off-site.Copy !req
537. No. No one touched that clock.
There was no man there,Copy !req
538. and certainly not one in old overalls
with a handlebar mustache.Copy !req
539. That man wasn't there.Copy !req
540. You probably just forgot.Copy !req
541. You know, you think you're writing
about your crazy mom,Copy !req
542. your crazy brother
making scary faces in the treehouse. You see the marks,
but you don't know how to read them.Copy !req
543. I never built you kids a treehouse.Copy !req
544. What? Luke was in there all the time.Copy !req
545. - I used to go fetch him for dinner—
- We were there flipping a house.Copy !req
546. We were gonna be there maybe eight weeks.Copy !req
547. How would I even have the time to build
you kids a goddamn treehouse?Copy !req
548. - Maybe it was already there.
- There was no treehouse.Copy !req
549. Now, when we get there,
you can have a look,Copy !req
550. but I have to tell you something:
your mother, she was not sick.Copy !req
551. She wasn't crazy,
and neither was your sister,Copy !req
552. neither is your brother,
neither are you.Copy !req
553. Whatever you saw this week,Copy !req
554. and I'm very sorry you have to be
taking all this in right now,Copy !req
555. but you have to.Copy !req
556. Do you understand me?
You have to,Copy !req
557. because your brother's life
depends on it.Copy !req
558. That house is the most dangerous place
in the world for all of us,Copy !req
559. and that's why I told your sisters
to stay put.Copy !req
560. You really think they will?Copy !req
561. Do you think he's... ?Copy !req
562. You know...Copy !req
563. going there like Nell went there?Copy !req
564. Like going to kill himself?Copy !req
565. I don't know. No.Copy !req
566. I guess I don't.Copy !req
567. I'm not perfect, you know.Copy !req
568. I know.Copy !req
569. I'm really not.Copy !req
570. So go ahead, tell me.Copy !req
571. Try again.Copy !req
572. Dad and I were in your office,Copy !req
573. and the forever house
was on the floor,Copy !req
574. and we heard a noise under the desk—Copy !req
575. Not that. You already told me that.Copy !req
576. I was really drunk.Copy !req
577. - Swear to God, Theo—
- And the lights went outCopy !req
578. while we were down there, and I...Copy !req
579. couldn't see. I was in the dark.Copy !req
580. I mean, like I was in the darkCopy !req
581. that whole night, and I just needed...Copy !req
582. I... I needed...Copy !req
583. I couldn't seeCopy !req
584. him,Copy !req
585. if that makes any sense.Copy !req
586. You know what? Never mind.Copy !req
587. - I'm trying to tell you—
- Forget I asked.Copy !req
588. You just don't know what I'm dealing with.Copy !req
589. We've all been dealing,Copy !req
590. and we somehow managed
not to try to fuck each other's spouses—Copy !req
591. Hey, that's not what this was about.
It just isn't.Copy !req
592. So, you were drunk, -and that's supposed to be okay?
- I'm telling you.Copy !req
593. I don't even know why
I let you come with me.Copy !req
594. I touched Nell's body the night before.Copy !req
595. The fuck is wrong with you?Copy !req
596. Why don't you listen?Copy !req
597. - I don't—
- I'm telling you.Copy !req
598. - I'm trying to tell you.
- I don't need to hear your excuses...Copy !req
599. - I'm not making excuses.
- ... or your bullshit.Copy !req
600. I saw—Copy !req
601. Are you okay?Copy !req
602. That was her!Copy !req
603. That was her! That was her!Copy !req
604. Did you see that, Shirley?Copy !req
605. Do you fucking believe that?Copy !req
606. You ought to know why I did it.Copy !req
607. I touched Nell because I had to know.Copy !req
608. You know what I'm talking about.Copy !req
609. Don't pretend that you don't.Copy !req
610. You know what happens
when I touch people.Copy !req
611. A part of you knows, it always has.Copy !req
612. I had to know and I...Copy !req
613. I touched her.Copy !req
614. And I felt...Copy !req
615. nothing.Copy !req
616. Just nothing.Copy !req
617. And it spread,
it spread everywhere in me,Copy !req
618. this nothing, until I couldn't
feel anything anymore.Copy !req
619. I was just this dark,Copy !req
620. empty black hole.Copy !req
621. And I tried to fill it up,
I tried to fill me back up,Copy !req
622. and I called Trish and she came right away
and I felt nothing.Copy !req
623. And then I tried to mourn at the wake
and I felt nothing,Copy !req
624. and so I drank and I drank,
and nothing worked.Copy !req
625. I couldn't feel anything, Shirley.Copy !req
626. After I touched her skin,
I couldn't feel...Copy !req
627. anything.Copy !req
628. And then we're in the basement
and the lights go out.Copy !req
629. And I can't see.Copy !req
630. And I can't feel.Copy !req
631. And I'm just... I'm just floating
in this ocean of nothing,Copy !req
632. and I wonder if this is it,
if this is what death is,Copy !req
633. just out there in the darkness,
just darkness and numbness and alone,Copy !req
634. and I wondered if that's what she felt
and that's what Mom feels, and it's just numb and nothing and alone.Copy !req
635. What if that's what it is for all of usCopy !req
636. when the time comes?Copy !req
637. And then the lights came on
and there he was, and I...Copy !req
638. I didn't see him. I didn't see him.Copy !req
639. He was the light in the darkness.Copy !req
640. He was a life preserver in the ocean.Copy !req
641. I just... I reached for him
because I had to feel something.Copy !req
642. I had to feel anything.Copy !req
643. And I didn't see him.Copy !req
644. I didn't... I didn't see him.
I didn't see him.Copy !req
645. I didn't see him!Copy !req
646. And he stopped me. He stopped me.Copy !req
647. He took my hands, and he said no,Copy !req
648. and then I saw him,
and then you walked in.Copy !req
649. God, I'm so glad I did it, though.Copy !req
650. Because it worked.Copy !req
651. Oh, God, it worked.Copy !req
652. I started feeling things again,Copy !req
653. and I felt... I felt shame,
and I felt grief,Copy !req
654. and I felt... scared.Copy !req
655. I felt so fucking scaredCopy !req
656. that I was gonna lose
the only sister that I had left.Copy !req
657. And I...Copy !req
658. Honestly, I had to do it,
because it felt better than nothing.Copy !req
659. That thorough fucking shameCopy !req
660. was so much better than that horrible,
empty nothing.Copy !req
661. I can't... Shirley, please.Copy !req
662. I am... I am so...Copy !req
663. I am so, so, so sorry.Copy !req
664. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
665. Please, just please.Copy !req
666. One, two, three, four,Copy !req
667. five, six, seven.Copy !req
668. One,Copy !req
669. two, three,Copy !req
670. four, five,Copy !req
671. six...Copy !req