1. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
2. Forgive me, but closed.
Closed.
Copy !req
3. You have to come back
at another time.
Copy !req
4. Hey, come here.
Copy !req
5. There's a bunch of comedians
hanging out with some friends.
Copy !req
6. You're not supposed to be here,
Copy !req
7. But if you're cool,
you can come in.
Copy !req
8. If you've ever been offended
by anything,
Copy !req
9. Don't come in.
Copy !req
10. But I don't really have—
you know, when I do a show,
Copy !req
11. The only person who really
gets pissed at me is my wife.
Copy !req
12. She'll come to the show—
Copy !req
13. "another joke,
'my wife doesn't blow me.'
Copy !req
14. That's all you talk about,
'my wife doesn't blow me.'"
Copy !req
15. And I go, "well, maybe
if you blew me..."
Copy !req
16. you know?
Copy !req
17. The first time I met
your wife and your daughter,
Copy !req
18. You introduced them as,
Copy !req
19. "this is the cunt
and the contessa."
Copy !req
20. So first thing
out of Mooney's mouth:
Copy !req
21. "this place is too white
for me."
Copy !req
22. - Very.
- Look at him.
Copy !req
23. Where? Where?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Copy !req
24. Whiteface.
Copy !req
25. I thought that might be
a little recompense
Copy !req
26. For so much racism
over hundreds of years.
Copy !req
27. - You know what, though,
the mime—
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28. You should wear blackface and
instead of coming out of a box,
Copy !req
29. Break out of jail.
That's a new thing.
Copy !req
30. Thank you, good night.
Copy !req
31. I have to go.
Thank you, everybody.
Copy !req
32. Funny!
Funny white joke.
Copy !req
33. - By the way, I had no idea
what to—you haven't told us—
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34. I don't know what to do
on this show.
Copy !req
35. - This is it.
- We just talk?
Copy !req
36. There could be
some physical assault.
Copy !req
37. There could be some gunplay.
Copy !req
38. There could be some anal sex.
It could go anywhere.
Copy !req
39. Don't look at me
like that, Mooney.
Copy !req
40. - I'm look—
I'm looking at you—
Copy !req
41. No, I'm looking at you because
you always take center stage.
Copy !req
42. I've always been amazed
by that.
Copy !req
43. In fairness, though,
if bobby weren't here,
Copy !req
44. You'd be taking center stage.
Copy !req
45. No. No, no, no, no, no.
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46. You're a very dominant
personality.
Copy !req
47. I don't have
a dominant personality.
Copy !req
48. That's your perception of me.
I'm a very nice person.
Copy !req
49. They're not mutually exclusive.
Copy !req
50. Bobby Slayton is
a very nice person.
Copy !req
51. No, bobby's an asshole,
come on.
Copy !req
52. Come on, say that nicely.
But he's an asshole.
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53. - I'm the only nice person here.
- You're lovely.
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54. In all fairness,
rain is the only decent,
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55. Kind human being here.
Copy !req
56. And you know what, I feel like—
- An Oreo?
Copy !req
57. - I wasn't gonna go there.
- Oh, well...
Copy !req
58. - I feel like there's
a little bit of Paul Mooney—
Copy !req
59. A very good friend
and creative force, along with—
Copy !req
60. And Rain Pryor,
the daughter—
Copy !req
61. Actually the genetics
of Richard Pryor.
Copy !req
62. So, like...
Did you get the Pryor...
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63. You know,
do you hate white people?
Copy !req
64. No, but I've slept with them.
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65. Ahh... Ha ha ha ha!
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66. Why wouldn't you sleep with us?
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67. I don't get it.
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68. It's an easier fit.
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69. Like, if I was going
to be raped,
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70. I'd want bobby over Paul.
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71. And believe me, that's how
I got on the show, so...
Copy !req
72. I mean, he should know.
Copy !req
73. The aborigines have been
getting fucked for years.
Copy !req
74. Oh!
Copy !req
75. At least we didn't have them
as slaves.
Copy !req
76. Just, we killed them way before
they got the chance.
Copy !req
77. 'cause these people came there
'cause they sent them there.
Copy !req
78. That's why you have
no family history there.
Copy !req
79. There's no pictures of them.
They're all criminals.
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80. Yeah.
Copy !req
81. Actually, my parents were polish
and came in the '50s.
Copy !req
82. They were poor?
Copy !req
83. - I've gotta tell you
a story about—
Copy !req
84. My family actually came
from the first fleet
Copy !req
85. In Australia, which is like
coming on the mayflower—
Copy !req
86. The first lot of slaves.
Copy !req
87. And there was a picture
above our sofa
Copy !req
88. In our living room
of a guy called George bell,
Copy !req
89. Who is, like, our
great-grandfather,
Copy !req
90. Who was this distinguished man
in a suit.
Copy !req
91. And he was one of the first
people to be set free
Copy !req
92. From the convicts and actually
become a citizen.
Copy !req
93. And so there's a lot of pride.
Copy !req
94. My parents would always
tell us this story
Copy !req
95. About him stealing
a loaf of bread
Copy !req
96. Or something like that
to feed his starving family.
Copy !req
97. Anyhow, when the Internet
came in,
Copy !req
98. Turns out that someone
put everyone's crimes up.
Copy !req
99. Old Georgie raped
six women. Huh?
Copy !req
100. By today's standards,
you only get caught
Copy !req
101. For one in ten rapes.
Copy !req
102. That's, like, 60 women!
Copy !req
103. Did that make you feel
a little bit like,
Copy !req
104. "hey, I come from
pretty good stock"?
Copy !req
105. You've gotta give credit
where credit's due.
Copy !req
106. What do you mean
if you had to get raped,
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107. You'd rather get raped by me
than by Mooney?
Copy !req
108. Because you have
a smaller cock.
Copy !req
109. It was a big dick joke.
Copy !req
110. Everyone else got it
straight off the bat, bobby,
Copy !req
111. But thanks for joining in.
Copy !req
112. I was gonna tell you
a story about Richard
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113. Which she doesn't even know.
Copy !req
114. - Uh-oh.
- Oh, really?
Copy !req
115. Yeah, she was a baby.
I mean, baby baby.
Copy !req
116. And Richard and her mother
were having fights.
Copy !req
117. And I used to call the house
they lived in—
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118. They lived around the corner
from me—
Copy !req
119. The house of pain.
Copy !req
120. And so they'd got
into a battle,
Copy !req
121. And her mother brought the baby
to me.
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122. And I kept Rain
for about three days.
Copy !req
123. And she was a baby baby.
She doesn't even know that.
Copy !req
124. That story's really funny,
Paul, thanks.
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125. Thanks for that.
That was really, really good.
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126. No, no, no, no.
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127. No, that was a serious—
that was a serious—
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128. All the white folks laughed.
That's good.
Copy !req
129. Oh, now, wait a minute!
How did that become racist?
Copy !req
130. How the fuck did that
become racist?
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131. Because they did.
Because they all laughed.
Copy !req
132. - But—but—
did you laugh?
Copy !req
133. Did you laugh when he said,
"that was funny, Paul"?
Copy !req
134. Did you laugh?
Yeah. That was funny.
Copy !req
135. Aha!
Copy !req
136. Listen, you know what's
making me sick
Copy !req
137. With you acting like that?
Copy !req
138. No, you know what
makes me sick?
Copy !req
139. - What?
- Because you can't—
Copy !req
140. Remember when it was
the angry black man?
Copy !req
141. - Yes.
- You're taking that.
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142. You won't even let me be angry.
Copy !req
143. Because you're being—
you're being—
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144. No, you're being—
no, listen to me.
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145. You're hopping around
being angry.
Copy !req
146. That's why they do it
in congress.
Copy !req
147. Here's my question.
Let me explain this.
Copy !req
148. Liar.
Go ahead.
Copy !req
149. No, no, this is
a serious question now.
Copy !req
150. I put this up on my Facebook.
I asked the question:
Copy !req
151. Racist or not racist?
Copy !req
152. This is a Chia Obama.
Copy !req
153. - Why would that be racist?
- Yeah, that's not racist.
Copy !req
154. All I can tell you
is the debate rad
Copy !req
155. For about 300 or 400 posts.
Copy !req
156. And one woman came on and said
that it was racist of me
Copy !req
157. Even to ask the question.
Copy !req
158. Because it demonstrated
insensitivity...
Copy !req
159. But you've never been
a Chia pet, have you?
Copy !req
160. I've never been a Chia pet.
Copy !req
161. - He looks like me.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
162. But looking like you, Rain,
is slightly racist.
Copy !req
163. No, but when the post said
that Obama was a monkey,
Copy !req
164. That was racist.
Copy !req
165. But that's not the first time
white people have said that.
Copy !req
166. They started that
during world war ii,
Copy !req
167. Telling the people in new York
that we had tails
Copy !req
168. And that we were monkeys.
Copy !req
169. But I've always said
that white people need
Copy !req
170. A pair of glasses
and a seeing-eye dog.
Copy !req
171. Because if you go to the zoo
and take a real good look
Copy !req
172. At a monkey...
A monkey has straight hair.
Copy !req
173. And I've never seen
a nappy-headed monkey.
Copy !req
174. And a monk—
no, it's the truth.
Copy !req
175. - That's a great name for a
The nappy-headed monkey.
Copy !req
176. And a monkey has thin lips.
Copy !req
177. As a matter of fact,
really, if you look at a monkey,
Copy !req
178. It's George burns.
Copy !req
179. - Oh, is it?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
180. No, but this is for me.
Copy !req
181. But white people look
more like a monkey.
Copy !req
182. And here we were in Africa,
Copy !req
183. Human beings
minding our business,
Copy !req
184. And then white people brought
their monkey ass over there.
Copy !req
185. Then they forced us
to be slaves.
Copy !req
186. Brought us here, fucked us,
Copy !req
187. And now we're part monkey.
Copy !req
188. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
We also let you go.
Copy !req
189. I never heard, "thank you."
you know...
Copy !req
190. you know...
Copy !req
191. It's a two-way street.
- Thank you for what?
Copy !req
192. No, no, you did not let us go.
Copy !req
193. Black people fought
in the civil war to free us.
Copy !req
194. And I'm from the south,
and the southerners were dumb
Copy !req
195. Because they had the army.
Copy !req
196. And if they'd have
used the slaves,
Copy !req
197. They could have won the war.
Copy !req
198. I voted for Barack.
Back up.
Copy !req
199. I don't care about
who you voted for.
Copy !req
200. Let me tell you about
white privilege.
Copy !req
201. Here's white privilege, okay?
Copy !req
202. White men are walking
around now
Copy !req
203. Angry that Obama's president—
a black man is president.
Copy !req
204. I've never had that privilege.
Copy !req
205. No, I'm mad 'cause
the best golfer's black.
Copy !req
206. You fucked up that game too.
We have nothing left!
Copy !req
207. You took tennis, you took golf.
What more do you want?
Copy !req
208. - No—no, you're right.
Copy !req
209. Listen to me.
Listen—listen to me.
Copy !req
210. You are right, we took tennis.
Copy !req
211. But you didn't want us
to play tennis, so we took it.
Copy !req
212. I didn't care.
What are you blaming me for?
Copy !req
213. I'm a Jew.
I don't like Jews either.
Copy !req
214. I'm a Jew too.
Copy !req
215. Hey, hey, you were both slaves
at one point.
Copy !req
216. Don't you have something
in common, Jews and blacks?
Copy !req
217. - No, 'cause we got jobs.
But here's the thing—
Copy !req
218. You know what, it's funny—
Copy !req
219. - You have jobs, yeah,
managing black people.
Copy !req
220. Whoa!
Copy !req
221. And being their lawyers.
Thank god for us.
Copy !req
222. You did bring up a good point.
Copy !req
223. At what point—
'cause, like,
Copy !req
224. I had nothing to do
with slavery.
Copy !req
225. So, like,
at what point do I not...
Copy !req
226. It's not like I'm running shit.
Copy !req
227. You had nothing to do with it,
you weren't there.
Copy !req
228. But you got all the—
- I was there.
Copy !req
229. Were you?
Copy !req
230. But you got all
the little goodies.
Copy !req
231. Yeah.
I'm happy to share 'em.
Copy !req
232. Do you take responsibility
for every black person
Copy !req
233. That can't shut the fuck up
in a movie theater? No.
Copy !req
234. So why should we take
responsibility—
Copy !req
235. - I take responsibility
for every Jew, okay,
Copy !req
236. That steals money—
that's what I take it for.
Copy !req
237. All right, hey, hey, hey.
No, don't touch each other.
Copy !req
238. You might make some type
of mongrel baby
Copy !req
239. Between the two of you.
Copy !req
240. Oh, we have a Jew
right in front.
Copy !req
241. We have a Jew.
Failed comedian David Feldman.
Copy !req
242. David Feldman,
an embarrassment to his family.
Copy !req
243. How long have
I known you, Feldman?
Copy !req
244. 25 years.
Copy !req
245. There's nothing funny about
slavery or the holocaust.
Copy !req
246. But you talk to Feldman
about the holocaust,
Copy !req
247. And right away
what comes out of his mouth:
Copy !req
248. "6 million Jews
were killed."
Copy !req
249. We know for a fact—
you know history—
Copy !req
250. It was 5,900,000.
Copy !req
251. You make things so much worse
than they really are.
Copy !req
252. That's the Jews for you.
Copy !req
253. They build it up into
this horrible, horrible thing.
Copy !req
254. You can't ever look
at the good side.
Copy !req
255. David, I believe
you had something to say.
Copy !req
256. I just wanted to ask you
about reparations for slavery
Copy !req
257. Because my great-great
grandfather owned slaves,
Copy !req
258. And after the war,
he lost all his property.
Copy !req
259. And I was wondering if...
Copy !req
260. You got the foot locker,
the NBA, and white pussy.
Copy !req
261. What else do you want?
Copy !req
262. I want your mama.
How 'bout that?
Copy !req
263. I don't think so.
Copy !req
264. A Jewish woman
from long island?
Copy !req
265. Probably the number one cause
Copy !req
266. Of homosexuality in America
Copy !req
267. Are Jewish women.
Copy !req
268. If I come home to
Fran Drescher— the nanny—
Copy !req
269. "how are you?"
if I came home to that,
Copy !req
270. I'd be sucking cock
in a second, believe me.
Copy !req
271. Gary, are you twittering ill?
Copy !req
272. I'm on twitter right now.
Copy !req
273. "I cannot believe
that your show
Copy !req
274. "has been able to recover
from Feldman's question.
Copy !req
275. "I think Paul Mooney is
very handsome.
Copy !req
276. I am not sure yet if he likes me
as more than a friend."
Copy !req
277. - Rain.
- Yes?
Copy !req
278. Yes?
Seriously, honestly.
Copy !req
279. Seriously, honestly.
Seriously.
Copy !req
280. - Seriously, honestly.
- Honestly but seriously.
Copy !req
281. Does your dad hate
white people?
Copy !req
282. No.
Copy !req
283. My dad loved white women.
Copy !req
284. And they killed him.
So...
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285. Ooh...
Copy !req
286. Get to the detail
about that. Who?
Copy !req
287. Buy my book. It's alone
with Mackenzie Phillips.
Copy !req
288. No, um...
Copy !req
289. Do you believe her?
Copy !req
290. Do I believe
Mackenzie Phillips?
Copy !req
291. I'd have done her
if I were her dad.
Copy !req
292. You're terrible!
Copy !req
293. Woody Allen married his.
Copy !req
294. Woody Allen married his.
That's right.
Copy !req
295. Some people grow
their own weed.
Copy !req
296. He was growing his own pussy.
Copy !req
297. He only married her
to shut her up.
Copy !req
298. A wife can't testify
against her husband.
Copy !req
299. He married her to shut her up.
That girl's her own mama.
Copy !req
300. Woody Allen's wife.
She is.
Copy !req
301. Oh, so you're saying
he married her
Copy !req
302. Because he happened to have
an affair with her
Copy !req
303. Before she was legal.
Copy !req
304. This is the whole thing
with pedophiles, right?
Copy !req
305. I need to hear this
Copy !req
306. Potentially valuable
information.
Copy !req
307. Here's the thing.
Copy !req
308. As a society, right,
what we do with pedophiles is
Copy !req
309. We excuse some,
we don't excuse others, right?
Copy !req
310. Elvis Presley had
Priscilla Presley
Copy !req
311. Move into his house
at 14 years of age,
Copy !req
312. And he became her legal
guardian,
Copy !req
313. And he fucked her
until she was 16,
Copy !req
314. Then he married her.
Copy !req
315. And Charlie Chaplin impregnated
a 15-year-old.
Copy !req
316. Yet no one says anything
Copy !req
317. Because they were the best
in their field, right?
Copy !req
318. You're never gonna get another
king of rock and roll,
Copy !req
319. And you'll never get a better
silent movie star, right?
Copy !req
320. All I'm saying is,
how talented do you have to be
Copy !req
321. To fuck a kid?
Copy !req
322. At what stage do we
as a society go,
Copy !req
323. "but he was good"?
Copy !req
324. Right? See...
Copy !req
325. So the argument of—
Copy !req
326. See, the reason that people
got upset about Michael Jackson
Copy !req
327. Is 'cause the other ones
were fucking girls,
Copy !req
328. And he fucked little boys.
Copy !req
329. - That's not true.
- What?
Copy !req
330. Michael Jackson was not
a pedophile.
Copy !req
331. Now, he was "x-filed."
- He was x-filed.
Copy !req
332. - That he was.
- You're right.
Copy !req
333. - You know what
I read about—
Copy !req
334. When Michael Jackson died,
right, they talk about, like,
Copy !req
335. It took an hour to, like,
resuscitate him.
Copy !req
336. Because what you have to do is
when you resuscitate a person—
Copy !req
337. Anyone who's in scouts
learns this.
Copy !req
338. You've gotta turn 'em
on their side,
Copy !req
339. Put your finger in their mouth,
make sure
Copy !req
340. They haven't swallowed
their tongue,
Copy !req
341. Then you gotta put 'em on their
back, arch their head back,
Copy !req
342. Then you gotta pinch the nose.
Copy !req
343. D that's where
they found the problem.
Copy !req
344. Right? 'cause they just—
they went like that,
Copy !req
345. And then just—
Ohh!
Copy !req
346. Oh, that sucks!
Copy !req
347. Oh, I'm gonna have
to pound that with my hand now.
Copy !req
348. Oh...
Copy !req
349. You can only fit
a child's cock in that.
Copy !req
350. Look at that!
Copy !req
351. This is the difference
between comedy now
Copy !req
352. And comedy of, like, my dad.
Copy !req
353. Because this kind of shit
just doesn't fly
Copy !req
354. In, like, back in the day.
Copy !req
355. That's because Michael Jackson
was young back then.
Copy !req
356. If you did it back then,
it was just offensive
Copy !req
357. To fuck a child's nose.
Copy !req
358. But now it's modern.
It's cutting edge.
Copy !req
359. It's funny 'cause
you talk about pedophiles.
Copy !req
360. Feldman, you have a daukhter.
How old's your daughter?
Copy !req
361. - 18.
- 18. Okay.
Copy !req
362. My daughter's 21 years old,
Copy !req
363. And it's so funny because
people say to me—
Copy !req
364. My wife will say to me,
"how do you look at young girls
Copy !req
365. When you have a daughter?"
Copy !req
366. And sometimes I'll look
at a young girl
Copy !req
367. And go, wow, she's really hot.
She's my daughter's age.
Copy !req
368. And then you gotta separate.
Copy !req
369. I don't think about my daughter
when I look at young pussy.
Copy !req
370. And I tell that to my wife.
Copy !req
371. I look at old pussy,
I don't think about you.
Copy !req
372. It's not like I go
to the statue of liberty—
Copy !req
373. Hey, I gotta call my wife.
You know?
Copy !req
374. I can separate pussy
from my family life.
Copy !req
375. I have that power.
A lot of people can't do that.
Copy !req
376. Fuck tony Robbins
and Dr. Phil.
Copy !req
377. I should have my own show
and be, like,
Copy !req
378. More of a motivational speaker.
Copy !req
379. Go ahead.
Copy !req
380. This is what I want
from white people in this room.
Copy !req
381. - Uh-oh.
- Really?
Copy !req
382. I can do it
in the dressing room, but...
Copy !req
383. I can already see this coming.
Copy !req
384. All right, let me get
my sister on the phone.
Copy !req
385. No, no, no.
Copy !req
386. To stop this ghost bullshit.
Copy !req
387. What do you mean,
ghost bullshit?
Copy !req
388. There's no ghosts. Looking for
the ghosts, the ghost stories.
Copy !req
389. The real ghost stories—
ghosts, ghosts, ghosts.
Copy !req
390. You just hate anything white.
Copy !req
391. No, no, just ghosts.
No, I don't like it
Copy !req
392. 'cause it's bullshit—
there are no ghosts.
Copy !req
393. If there were ghosts—
- They would be spooks!
Copy !req
394. No.
Copy !req
395. No. No. No.
Copy !req
396. No. No. No.
No, no, no.
Copy !req
397. There are no ghosts,
and I can prove it.
Copy !req
398. How, Paul?
Copy !req
399. Because if there were ghosts,
Copy !req
400. Slaves would come back
and fuck you up—that's why.
Copy !req
401. When black people get scared
by ghosts in the movies,
Copy !req
402. It was always great.
Copy !req
403. 'cause you know, if you watch
the little rascals...
Copy !req
404. With the eyes?
With the eyes.
Copy !req
405. Or the skeleton jumped
out of the body
Copy !req
406. And ran away from Casper—
Copy !req
407. Look, I know that's racist,
but it's funny.
Copy !req
408. You're all white, so you can
laugh at this fucker.
Copy !req
409. Wait, wait.
I think it would be really funny
Copy !req
410. To see a movie where there's
a whole bunch of white people
Copy !req
411. Hanging from trees.
Yes!
Copy !req
412. isn't that funny?
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413. - Yes.
- Hey, by the way,
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414. You know what, can I—
can I—look, okay,
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415. Enough of this racist shit;
Here's the most important thing
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416. About everybody being here,
and nobody's said anything.
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417. Will you tell me what the fuck
Ron Jeremy—why he's here?
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418. Because I believe Ron Jeremy
should be everywhere!
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419. Ron Jeremy is here
for the equal time rule.
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420. If you're gonna talk about
big black dicks,
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421. We've gotta have Ron Jeremy here
to represent us!
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422. You know what pisses me off,
the fact that
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423. They call him a porno actor.
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424. This guy gets more pussy.
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425. Thousands of women,
he gets paid for it.
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426. I've been fucking
the same broad for 25 years,
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427. I don't get a cent.
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428. I pretend to like it.
I'm the actor.
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429. Fuck you, Ron Jeremy!
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430. And I say that as a friend.
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431. Can someone get me a beer?
Who is...
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432. Can someone get me a beer?
I'd like a beer, if that's okay.
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433. In the old days, a black guy
would be, like,
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434. "yes, sir, Mr. Benny."
those days are over.
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435. What?
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436. "I'll go get you a beer,
Mr. Benny.
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437. It's right here, Mr. Benny."
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438. I miss those—
golden years of television.
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439. Thank you.
This'll do.
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440. This reality shit.
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441. Let me try this.
Fuck you.
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442. - Don't, don't, don't—
- What?
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443. I don't want hepatitis.
Bobby, bobby...
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444. I'm drinking from this side.
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445. It's not like I went like this.
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446. No! No!
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447. Now it's gonna taste
like your wife's cunt.
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448. Actually, hold on.
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449. Ron Jeremy's dick.
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450. Gary, are you twittering still?
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451. Yeah, you know, can we just
get back to the pedophilia
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452. For one second?
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453. 'cause if it's so wrong,
how come kids are so sexy?
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454. Bobby, I've known you
for, like, 30 years, okay.
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455. But you cross lines.
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456. You say shit that
so many other people
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457. Would get just excoriated for.
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458. Do people stand up at your show
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459. And go, "you're racist"?
Have you ever had that?
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460. Let's see: These two niggers
walk in a bar...
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461. Shut up!
Have you heard this?
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462. No problem.
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463. How did they get
into the bar, bobby?
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464. Was it whites only?
What happened?
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465. - You know what, I've known Paul
for a long time—Mooney.
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466. And here's a guy,
more than me—
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467. I opened up for you when I first
started doing stand-up.
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468. It must've been 30 years ago
at the punchline.
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469. You go out of your way sometimes
to really piss off an audience.
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470. And you know what,
there are people that get mad
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471. At the "f" word.
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472. I mean, the "c" word,
I understand.
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473. But people get mad
over nothing.
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474. If you're talking about sex,
you watch TV,
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475. And it goes back to,
you know, Janet Jackson
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476. With the malfunction.
How many years does that go on?
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477. It happened to one guy—
my friend, Charles rocket,
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478. Who has since passed away,
Copy !req
479. Said "fuck"
on Saturday night live,
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480. And they fired him from the show
and it was a big deal.
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481. You're watching Saturday night
live at midnight—
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482. It's the same thing
with the Howard stern show.
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483. You're listening to Howard,
you come to a comedy club.
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484. But what people get pissed at,
it's mind-boggling.
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485. But he would go out of his way
to really push buttons.
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486. But you know, I mean, you've
had people walk out on you
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487. And get pissed at you.
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488. And you enjoy it sometimes,
don't you?
Copy !req
489. 'cause they're fuckin' assholes.
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490. Listen, you opened for me
and you walked out.
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491. So what's the difference?
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492. Once we got a black president,
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493. Comedy just took
a fucking nosedive.
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494. - That's bullshit.
- That's bullshit!
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495. You think that since
we have a black president...
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496. I'm just trying
to get him mad again.
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497. Yeah, it's gonna change
the world?
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498. - Let me tell you something...
- And guess what.
Copy !req
499. There will never, ever be
a white president again.
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500. You can forget it.
It's over! It's over!
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501. All good things must
come to an end.
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502. It's over.
It'll never happen again.
Copy !req
503. All I know is when Obama won,
Copy !req
504. Black people were
in the street,
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505. And they were, like,
"oh, my god! Oh, my god!"
Copy !req
506. They started crying
and sobbing.
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507. Next minute they were
checking their calendars,
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508. Making sure it wasn't
April fool's, you know.
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509. So come on.
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510. And I got on the first
public transportation,
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511. And I told the white people,
"get in the back
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512. "where you fuckin' belong!
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513. Obama is president!"
Copy !req
514. Hey, speaking of the bus,
let me ask you this.
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515. How come people died
so that black people could sit
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516. Wherever they wanted
on the bus,
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517. And now black people all go
and sit in the back of the bus?
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518. Why is that?
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519. Because they don't learn, Paul.
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520. - I'm just confused because,
you know—
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521. First, let me ask you this.
Let me ask you this.
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522. With Obama becoming president,
do you think
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523. That changes the racl
situation in America?
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524. Do you think it's changed
at all?
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525. It's one more of 'em employed.
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526. How come when he says shit
like that...
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527. That was a good one!
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528. - Every time he does
a negro joke—
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529. - I'm foreign.
I don't know better.
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530. I know better.
I know better.
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531. - No, what happens is
it doesn't—
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532. It doesn't matter because
the youth got on that Internet.
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533. They put Obama into office.
They woke everybody up.
Copy !req
534. But it's mostly
the white youth,
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535. 'cause a lot of black guys
under 25
Copy !req
536. Are convicted felons,
and they can't vote.
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537. And you gotta remember—
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538. Wait a minute, one out of four?
Copy !req
539. Wait a second—one out of four
black guys under the age of 25
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540. Are convicted felons—
they can't vote.
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541. No, but it's that way.
It's America.
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542. So just—just learn
to live with it.
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543. The only time I've ever felt
like a real American
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544. Is when it came
from the white house,
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545. When I had to go to Vietnam,
and it said,
Copy !req
546. "you're an American; it's time
to die for your country."
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547. And they put a gun in my hand
and trained me
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548. And pushed me out there
and said,
Copy !req
549. "you go shoot the enemy."
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550. That's the only time.
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551. And I shot ten white people.
But go ahead.
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552. And I'm pretty sure that's why
they put an end to the draft.
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553. They said, "we need
some quality control."
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554. - As a black Jew—
Copy !req
555. - Oh, there's all kinds
of reasons to hate you.
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556. Well, you know, there are.
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557. As a black Jew, I'm proud,
but guilty for it.
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558. But, um... You know—
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559. - Do you feel accepted
by both communities?
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560. No, I do not feel accepted
by both communities.
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561. But I didn't know I was black
until I moved to Baltimore.
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562. Which is ironic, really,
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563. Because you were the whitest
person in Baltimore.
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564. I was.
I was one of them.
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565. By the way, I do not have
vitiligo.
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566. That, um—
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567. - We'll need to see your penis.
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568. That's gone too.
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569. But I grew up in the late '60s,
early '70s,
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570. So people like me didn't exist.
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571. You didn't have people
of color.
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572. I mean, now—
nowadays, I mean,
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573. You see it—
you see it everywhere.
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574. You see me or my likeness.
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575. I would think that
the black community would go,
Copy !req
576. "that's Richard Pryor's
daughter," and embrace you.
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577. Well, it's funny.
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578. The black community now
does it.
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579. And it's mostly older black men
that do it.
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580. Yeah, but that's just
dirty shit. That's nasty.
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581. - No. No, but it's not.
- Look at you, girl.
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582. Look at you, girl.
I know, I'm fierce.
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583. And I can make
a good brisket too, but...
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584. Tell the story about passover.
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585. - Oh, yeah, like,
I always said to people—
Copy !req
586. 'cause they would always ask me,
"is your dad Jewish?"
Copy !req
587. And I'm, like, can you imagine
my dad at passover?
Copy !req
588. "pass the matzo...
Motherfucker."
Copy !req
589. But you know what's good
about the whole thing?
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590. That we're here
doing this show.
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591. - Exactly, my friend.
- This is the good thing.
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592. The now that's happening now.
Absolutely.
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593. - This is a good thing.
- Exactly.
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594. And that's why I wanted to have
all you guys together,
Copy !req
595. Because we're saying some shit
that if some politician
Copy !req
596. Or judge said,
they'd be in prison for it
Copy !req
597. Or they'd lose their job
or whatever.
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598. But we're having fun with it
Copy !req
599. And we're actually
communicating, right?
Copy !req
600. And this is America right here.
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601. You have the mixed girl,
you have the Jew,
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602. You have the black man.
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603. You have the Australian—
fuck, whatever he is.
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604. Hey, how 'bout a hand
for Paul Mooney?
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605. Rain Pryor!
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606. Bobby Slayton!
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607. Jim Jefferies!
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608. Come back again,
hang out some more.
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