The Green Room with Paul Provenza 1x1

1. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

2. I'm sorry. You can't come in.

3. We're closed. You understand?

4. This "c" is not for Cleveland.

5. How did I get in? That's none of your business.

6. Hey. Hey. Come here.

7. There's a bunch of comedians hanging out with some friends.

8. You're not supposed to be here,

9. But if you're cool, you can come and hang.

10. If you've ever been offended by anything,

11. Don't come in.

12. Yeah, boom! And then it just bubbles around.

13. Dead people are dragged out.

14. I'm just glad we didn't blow the opening

15. By quoting something from my act.

16. What would be the perfect...?

17. Nobody remembers my act. That's the problem.

18. - So you stopped doing stand-up altogether for quite a while?

19. I want to start doing it again

20. To, uh... Make some money.

21. We were worried about you, drew.

22. I got bills to pay, man.

23. I was thinking of passing a hat.

24. Well, Larry the cable guy

25. Made, like, $21 million the other year.

26. - Oh, that's now the barometer... $21 million?

27. No, the barometer is Larry the cable guy

28. Making $21 million

29. Well, Larry the cable guy popped, right?

30. I have to quote Marc Maron.

31. You know Marc Maron, yeah?

32. Very funny guy... he said something hilarious.

33. He said you know when you're eating popcorn

34. And you get those little kernels on the bottom

35. That haven't popped yet?

36. He goes, "those are the ones with integrity."

37. He's funny. We should get him.

38. Well, reg is just now spending time

39. In America's show business.

40. It must be a trip for you. Everything.

41. Tell me your story.

42. American, you went over to the u.K.,

43. Started doing stand-up over there.

44. You notice a difference, right, between the u.K. And here?

45. Well, I've only played a couple of gigs here

46. And a few gigs in New York.

47. And, yeah, it is different.

48. I made my way to do some gigs in harlem,

49. And as I was getting out of the taxi,

50. There was these two guys.

51. They're in front of the club.

52. And I said, "yo, is this the comedy club?"

53. And he said, "yeah. You better be fucking funny."

54. Good advice.

55. I was just closing a gig in Atlanta,

56. And the comic that was on in the middle spot

57. Came to me and asked my permission

58. To sell CDs.

59. And it was like, "what?

60. I ain't your fucking mama. Do what you want to do."

61. Hold on a second.

62. You let him sell CDs?

63. How does a dude start out anymore?

64. Like, if you're brand-new,

65. And you said, "I want to be a stand-up comedian?"

66. Drew, we know people. We can get you in.

67. You'll be straight through.

68. They had a program in England for a while,

69. They had a program that I was on at the queens theater,

70. They brought American comics over.

71. Right. Dennis leary hosted it.

72. It was fantastic,

73. But I remember one of the comics,

74. And I won't say who it was...

75. - You better fucking say who it was.

76. All right, it was Paul. But...

77. But the thing is,

78. This guy, every night was closing,

79. And it was a ten-minute thing on wheel of fortune.

80. But they don't get wheel of fortune in England.

81. And he'd come off,

82. And I'd say to him,

83. "you know what? They don't get wheel of fortune."

84. He said, "no, no, it was just a tough house."

85. Oh, my God.

86. See, I use universal references.

87. I say Kit Kats, 'cause they're everywhere.

88. Mars bars, 'cause they're all around the world.

89. Well, aren't you just so...

90. Listen, you shithead.

91. The point is...

92. I wish I could afford to travel all over the world

93. Before I started doing stand-up.

94. - The point... man, you're missing the fucking point.

95. The point is, without much adjustment,

96. You can actually miss it.

97. If that guy had understood it

98. And if he'd explained his references,

99. He could have got his point in.

100. I worked with a guy once

101. Who used to ask everybody, "who golfs?"

102. Yeah.

103. And, you know, and he would wait

104. For a fucking answer from the audience,

105. And I was sitting there going,

106. "who gives a fuck who golfs?

107. Tell your fucking golf joke, God damn it."

108. Seriously.

109. I know a comic in England,

110. When the jokes aren't going well

111. And he wants to get the audience roaring back on his side,

112. He goes, "who here likes sex?"

113. And of course they're gonna go...

114. - I've done shows where I could ask that,

115. And they would go, "fuck you."

116. "who likes sex?"

117. "go fuck yourself."

118. The only way to do it on the golf thing

119. Is, "who here plays golf?

120. Yeah, okay. Well, tennis is interesting."

121. And then go for the tennis...

122. Guys do it to kill time.

123. They got to do ten minutes, and they ask questions...

124. No, no, I think it's 'cause of fear.

125. That's what I think it is.

126. I think it's fear that people will go,

127. "golf? I've never heard of golf."

128. I think that it's not realizing

129. That you don't actually need a segue.

130. Yeah.

131. - I had the amazing fortune when I was real young...

132. Just a baby comic, teeny-tiny baby comic.

133. I was a fetal comic.

134. I was sperm. I was just sperm.

135. I was really... I mean, I'd been doing comedy

136. For, like, six months. We get it, we get it.

137. You attacked me first.

138. And now the point?

139. Bill cosby.

140. This whole bench is very tough.

141. We have a good bench here, a kind bench.

142. - So... - So bill cosby...

143. I had the chance to meet bill cosby,

144. And he spent, like, a lot of time with me,

145. And I would ask those stupid starting questions,

146. Like, "how do you segues?" whatever.

147. He said, "you know what?

148. You don't have to always be funny onstage."

149. Thank God.

150. He said, "you just have to be interesting."

151. - In five-minute shots, though, in stand-up shots,

152. Tonight show shots, letterman shots,

153. It is all about the segues.

154. Yeah, I can't do those.

155. That's what's new to me.

156. When I did New York for the first time,

157. And they tell you, "you got five minutes,

158. Six if you're cooking."

159. I'm used to doing 45 minutes to an hour.

160. But it's great, because you're trying to edit yourself.

161. And while you're onstage, you'll be like,

162. "okay, the next line in my head "is a nice lateral move,

163. But it's not necessary."

164. And then you...

165. - All right, yeah.

166. You said something really interesting

167. About jazz and stand-up comedy...

168. Yeah.

169. - Starting in America. - Yes.

170. Everybody knows that jazz is a uniquely American art form.

171. Yeah.

172. - But that's also true for stand-up comedy.

173. Stand-up is purely, uniquely American.

174. But the rest of the world has taken this form

175. And expanded it in so many different directions.

176. I'd only change one thing in there.

177. We stole it from the indians.

178. That's true. That's probably true.

179. All right, I said it.

180. - The first stand-up comedians

181. Were actually cavemen standing around a fire going,

182. "there were these two guys, right?

183. "one was a bear.

184. One was a bear, and the other one wasn't."

185. The other one wasn't.

186. - But I think stand-up has been around in different countries,

187. But alternative stand-up,

188. I think Lenny Bruce, the godfather...

189. I don't know what you guys think,

190. But for us... Absolutely.

191. We feel that Lenny Bruce started it.

192. But we couldn't get into Lenny Bruce.

193. It was very difficult.

194. It was so... the hipster language that he used,

195. And it was very americana-centric.

196. - The early british stand-up

197. Was filled with sort of music hall semiotics.

198. My impression that the English music hall comedy,

199. That tradition's more like,

200. And it's a lot of dancing like this,

201. And... and it's not...

202. - I'll tell you... - he's good!

203. It was a really weird thing

204. They used to do in mainstream comedy,

205. Which is they used to go...

206. Vans are interesting, aren't they?

207. Like, what the... who told them to do that?

208. It was just weird.

209. But 1979 and the end of punk,

210. Then alternative comedy came out

211. In the comedy store, which is not linked

212. To the comedy store here in L.A.,

213. And everything's come out of that since then,

214. And it took over the mainstream.

215. - American stand-up is the first time,

216. I think, that people actually used to start

217. Getting on a stage and saying, "I'll tell you what I think."

218. You know, the concept of "I'll tell you what I think."

219. You know, try that in Spain in the '30s.

220. "you know what I think..." unh!

221. So, I mean, there was no...

222. - Italy in the '20s.

223. I love comics that have an opinion.

224. Like comics without an opinion bug me.

225. I don't care if he's angry at what, you know,

226. Or if I don't agree with his opinion

227. Or her opinion,

228. But if they have an opinion,

229. A really strong one, then I'm hooked.

230. - I mean, the best stand-ups,

231. I believe, tend to ruin a generation of comics.

232. Like bill Hicks ruined a generation of comics

233. In britain, who tried to...

234. Um, Richard Pryor ruined three or four generations

235. Of black comics.

236. Because everyone tries to be like him.

237. So many of those people take the wrong lesson away,

238. And they just, you know, get the externals

239. And miss the heart.

240. - Jazz and comedy have something else in common to me, that...

241. But I think jazz and comedy

242. Live best in clubs still,

243. In clubs with low ceilings where you get up close,

244. And it really rings like a bell.

245. Speaking of which...

246. I'm trying to do big intimacy.

247. Big intimacy.

248. Sounds like the name of a show.

249. That's a great name for a band.

250. So I do believe that it changes, yeah.

251. Intimacy is great,

252. And if it gets bigger, it becomes an event.

253. I just don't want to leave it to rock-and-roll guys

254. Who just... they have all the fun.

255. They can play arenas and stadiums,

256. Whatever the hell they want.

257. Are you using, like, video and all that stuff?

258. Yeah, I have three screens.

259. I have a full-length screen and two side screens.

260. So the trick is don't try and push the energy out

261. And run all over that huge stage.

262. Just stand there and just bring it in.

263. So I'm just experimenting with lots of screens

264. To try and work out what...

265. You're in that screen phase.

266. Well, you've got to, you know.

267. It could ruin it for a generation.

268. Everyone's gonna be... screens everywhere.

269. You remember when Steve Martin

270. Started playing big, huge halls,

271. Madison garden-size things.

272. He had a lot of street kind of stuff.

273. You know, the stuff when you're juggling cats.

274. And I used to do street,

275. And it's really difficult to write.

276. When you think of great visual things,

277. It's really difficult to come up with another one.

278. Talking is so much bloody easier.

279. Did you work with a lot of props?

280. Yeah, a ton of props.

281. When I was a solo act,

282. I used to escape from manacles

283. on a five-foot unicycle,

284. And when I was a double act,

285. I used to make a bowl of corn flakes disappear.

286. I'd do the magician's assistant.

287. My partner said, "the bowl, corn flakes in,

288. "corn flakes, milk goes into it.

289. "how can it disappear?

290. With the cloth of death."

291. And he'd put the thing over my head,

292. And I'd just...

293. And then he'd wave around this magic wand.

294. I'd just be eating.

295. And then he'd give me the magic wand,

296. Which had an enormous wooden spoon on the end of it,

297. Which I'd just continue to eat.

298. And so it was rubbish stuff like that.

299. And it was a knife-throwing thing,

300. And there was a beaver

301. That went through a hoop of newspaper.

302. So there were massive props.

303. And then I was at the comedy store in london,

304. And I just noticed the respect

305. That was going to the stand-ups who were saying,

306. "you know, god... does God exist?"

307. And, "cheese, what can we do with it?"

308. And they could just talk about anything.

309. And then they go, "I'm gonna have some drinks."

310. And I'd be dragging all my stuff off the stage

311. And trying to mop up.

312. And I felt such an idiot.

313. I thought, "I'm stopping this and starting that one."

314. You know, I would pay good money

315. To see you and that other guy do your old act.

316. I bet you could make some coin.

317. You could call it Eddie Izzard's old act.

318. Call it my old act,

319. And just explain, "this is the one I started out with."

320. No, I'm not gonna do it.

321. But at least now you'd have people

322. Carrying the stuff for you.

323. I saw Bob Dubeck, who's sitting right there,

324. Open for Linda ronstadt once

325. When she was going through that whole era

326. When she was doing elegant songs

327. With Nelson riddle arrangements and gowns.

328. It's all love songs.

329. And she came down on a half moon in a gown like this,

330. And the orchestra is all in dinner jackets,

331. And Nelson riddle raises his arms like that,

332. And a guy, no kidding, in the middle of the audience

333. Shouts, "rock and roll, Linda!"

334. And there was one of the great moments in show business

335. Where she, Nelson riddle,

336. And everyone in the orchestra

337. Just did a very brief...

338. - And you opened for Diana Ross?

339. Yes.

340. For three years?

341. Yeah, I toured with her off and on

342. For, like, 3, 31/2 years.

343. Now, how does that work?

344. Because I feel music and comedy don't mix well,

345. Because music is a feel gig

346. And comedy is a mind gig.

347. Yeah. Yeah.

348. It didn't go well.

349. No, no.

350. Here's the thing is, she gave no billing.

351. Nobody knew there was an opening act.

352. And I would go, and I would say,

353. "look, we've been doing this now for a year and half.

354. Can I maybe get billing?"

355. So she'd just go, "no, but here's another $5,000."

356. You know, so I had no billing.

357. So that was the real challenge,

358. Because I was basically on

359. While people were still coming in and sitting down.

360. - Wow. - And then one day...

361. What?

362. Yes, yes. It was fucking insane.

363. And then one day this thing...

364. You know how sometimes

365. Something will just come to you full-blown?

366. The lights would go down,

367. The music would start up,

368. And you hear that drumroll,

369. You know, and you'd hear ain't no mountain high enough

370. For, you know, 15 bars,

371. And then the announcer would come in and go,

372. "ladies and gentlemen,

373. Welcome to the Diana Ross show!"

374. And the crowd goes...

375. And then they go,

376. "please welcome your special guest, Paul Provenza."

377. And you could hear thousands of people go, "aw."

378. A fucking nightmare, right?

379. So one day I came out onstage,

380. And I just said, "okay, I know, I know.

381. "you get all dressed up, you come out here,

382. "lights come down, music comes up,

383. "you're all excited, I show up.

384. "you're pissed off, I get it.

385. "you didn't know I was gonna be here,

386. "but you know when the deli and you buy a sandwich

387. "and they give you that pickle with the sandwich?

388. "they don't tell you you're gonna get the pickle.

389. "they just give it to you.

390. I'm the pickle."

391. And that changed everything.

392. That changed everything.

393. And if I hadn't come upon that,

394. It probably would have been about a week-and-a-half gig.

395. I opened for kc and the sunshine band

396. One...

397. One show, but it seemed like 31/2 years...

398. Because it was at the coca-cola stadium,

399. Like, 16,000 people,

400. And you come out,

401. And four or five minutes in,

402. They came out to do the sound test right behind me,

403. So you're performing, and a guy behind the bass drum

404. Would go...

405. And then into the mic, "test!

406. Test!"

407. And really no brotherhood of performing?

408. There's something I got to say on top of this.

409. If you do your bit of stand-up

410. And then someone comes on with headphones

411. And goes, "go longer, longer. Another five."

412. And it's as if we're just sort of cows.

413. You can milk us.

414. And we go, "uh, so anyway, chickens, what..."

415. You know.

416. And this is because some band is backstage

417. Having a hissy fit about some bloody thing,

418. Or there's something not working,

419. Or the mic's fallen off.

420. And they never say to the bands

421. When they're finished say,

422. "do another one. Do another.

423. "play another one.

424. "the stand-up's back there,

425. "and he's having a snooze.

426. Play another."

427. And we are used as cannon fodder.

428. The most humbling realization I ever had

429. As a comedian...

430. This just put it all in perspective for me.

431. I was working a cruise ship.

432. Working it?

433. Man's gotta eat.

434. And you can eat 24-7 on a cruise ship.

435. This is after Diana Ross, yeah?

436. This is the next gig?

437. It was good money.

438. Shut up, mister I'm playing Madison square garden.

439. No, I did everything.

440. Any gig that came my way, I did it.

441. That's the point. Don't do that.

442. Every gig.

443. And, um...

444. Guess that $5,000 ran out, eh?

445. Yes. Yes.

446. Yeah.

447. So you're doing the cruise ships,

448. And they do midnight comedy shows.

449. They would bring people like us in

450. To do midnight shows,

451. 'cause there was generally younger audiences

452. In their 70s.

453. And I get friendly with the cruise director,

454. Who's sort of like the emcee of the ship.

455. He explains to me one night...

456. And he said, well,

457. "the reason that you're hired to perform at midnight

458. "is so not everybody on the ship

459. Goes to the buffet at the same time."

460. Really?

461. Yeah. That's it. It's the same old thing.

462. And I realized I am a traffic cone.

463. That's it.

464. - I did... my one and only cruise.

465. I did it about six months ago...

466. Sweden to Finland, and it was an all-night cruise.

467. - How was it? - And it was weird,

468. Because young men and single women,

469. They go on these cruises,

470. And they get drunk, and they have sex,

471. 'cause they can't do it on the mainland in this way.

472. And I asked the guy,

473. Well, I asked the guy,

474. I said, "why do y'all do this?"

475. And he said, "it's just an understanding for women,

476. "um, if you get fucked on water,

477. It doesn't count."

478. And so, um...

479. Is this international marine law?

480. If that's not a book title, I don't know what is.

481. - So you all have a cruise... I have... I have one.

482. I was single at the time.

483. It was a Norway thing.

484. And one of the women in the norwegian-sailor thing,

485. The white and crisp and swimmer's shoulders,

486. And, you know, the classic...

487. It was like the granddaughter of a viking.

488. I was so taken with her,

489. I thought, you know, this is someone...

490. Maybe after the show.

491. And I walked by her.

492. The body odor was so astonishing.

493. I was never so stunned.

494. Everyone is right when they say

495. That Americans shower too much,

496. But every so often you want to say,

497. "ever been in an elevator in oslo?"

498. Because this was nuts.

499. It was so nuts, and she actually came up to me,

500. And she said, "well, would you like

501. To get a beer or something?"

502. And I said for the first time,

503. "you know what? No."

504. I have to take a shower.

505. Get me? I'm taking a shower right now.

506. Maybe you can join me in the fucking shower.

507. We can take a shower together,

508. Then have a beer.

509. I can wash you.

510. Blowing smoke in her face to get the odor...

511. - Was she wearing a uniform? - Yeah.

512. 'cause you can't clean uniforms.

513. That's the thing.

514. You can't clean uniforms?

515. - Well, you can't... you can dry-clean them,

516. But you can't wash them in a bloody tub.

517. They just fall apart. They're uniforms.

518. I know they don't stop bullets,

519. But I thought you could at least wash them.

520. No?

521. What's so funny is, comics, by the way,

522. We pick something visual... "this is so cool."

523. We're using washboards from 1,000 years ago, you know?

524. I think it could be a uniform thing.

525. I think you need to go around

526. With some friends who've got great noses and...

527. Around uniform people.

528. You know what's wonderful?

529. Is that we're just meeting for the first time,

530. And I don't know...

531. Is he yanking me about the uniform thing?

532. No, no.

533. - It could be that you can't... can you actually clean...

534. - There's an australian triple act

535. Called the Doug Anthony all stars,

536. Who are fantastic,

537. If anyone every saw them.

538. They wore uniforms with braided...

539. It was like sergeant pepper's gone bonkers.

540. You know, punk sergeant pepper's.

541. And if you ever got close to them,

542. Those uniforms stunk

543. Like things had died and killed themselves

544. And had rabies, and it was just...

545. It was the most god-awful thing,

546. And they couldn't clean 'em.

547. Hold on a second, though.

548. I was in the marching band in high school.

549. No, really.

550. I was too.

551. Oh, yeah?

552. I'll tell you, we have...

553. By the way, and that's why I tell you,

554. We have a great bench here.

555. I was in marching band.

556. Now, these were uniforms

557. That had that thick, road to perdition material,

558. You know?

559. Where it's just really, really thick,

560. And you wear them.

561. You march on Memorial Day, July 4th.

562. They smelled mothball-y,

563. But they were goofy hats and very thick material

564. And long stripes down the pants,

565. But everyone wore them.

566. They didn't smell, again...

567. Back in my day,

568. We didn't stink when we wore our uniforms.

569. Back in my day, if you wore a uniform,

570. You learned how to wipe your ass once in a while.

571. You know, there's an apocryphal story

572. Of a comic who did so badly...

573. Was this Jack Kramen?

574. Yeah, I've heard ten different names.

575. I don't know who it is.

576. I was just gonna bring it up. Go ahead. Tell it.

577. The story as I heard it was that it was only a couple weeks

578. After the Achille Lauro incident.

579. That's right, that's right.

580. Leon Klinghoffer.

581. Leon Klinghoffer.

582. - Too soon. - Wheelchair bound.

583. Hey, man, we're all trying to have fun here, all right?

584. But they shot Leon Klinghoffer in the wheelchair

585. And pushed him overboard, right?

586. You get on the ship, and they give you a rundown.

587. The people running the thing go,

588. "okay, here are the things." can't do this. Can't do that.

589. Right off the bat, first thing was

590. Do not mention the recent incidents at sea.

591. Five minutes into his act,

592. There's a guy in the front row in the wheelchair,

593. And he goes, "come on, laugh.

594. "it's not like we're gonna shoot you in the head

595. And throw you overboard."

596. And, um...

597. About, you know, three, four hours later,

598. He's in bed, asleep, and there's a knock on the door,

599. And he opens the door,

600. And there's all these people in uniforms,

601. Probably smelling quite well.

602. They go, "pack your stuff up. You're leaving the ship."

603. And they airlifted him

604. Off a ship in the middle of the caribbean.

605. Wow.

606. - But they... they said to him,

607. They said, "no, you have to leave,

608. Because we can't guarantee your safety."

609. It's not like I'm an old guy in a wheelchair.

610. What are they gonna do to me?

611. I can run.

612. Comedy again, it's the same thing

613. As he just did.

614. It's like the washboard again.

615. This works too. It just...

616. - Yeah, I've used this a lot.

617. It's good for detective stuff... "what do you mean?"

618. Yeah. I do it all the time.

619. No, you do that one. You do that one.

620. The guy who's complaining. That's a complaining guy.

621. - Let me tell you about... - I've never done a cruise ship.

622. No, but I've done some really crappy gigs.

623. Have you ever dismissed an audience?

624. That is a great feeling.

625. I... I...

626. Wait, you can do that?

627. Yeah, I did it twice.

628. Twice I dismiss...

629. - But they still pay you for that?

630. No, it was street performing.

631. Slightly different gig.

632. Oh, you outside. Oh.

633. But it's interesting.

634. I was out there... I was in a double act.

635. I was out there, and we were giving it every bit of energy

636. And excitement on a day that was gray and overcast

637. In london,

638. And we're really working our asses off here.

639. We're putting a lot in. You're giving us nothing back.

640. Just go.

641. And then...

642. But interestingly...

643. That dynamic, they were not expecting,

644. And then they would not go.

645. They found that too interesting.

646. It didn't massively change their demeanor,

647. But they didn't go.

648. They just stayed.

649. And I walked off.

650. I've got one for you.

651. Iowa state police association convention...

652. A thousand officers and their wives

653. In a domed ballroom in the Davenport Hilton.

654. I'm in the back in my little sport jacket

655. Next to a trooper in uniform

656. Who's gonna walk me through the room up front...

657. How'd he smell?

658. Go through everyone's mind.

659. I'm next to this guy.

660. He's one of those Norman Rockwell troopers too,

661. With the giant shoulders like Rulon Gardner,

662. And the chest is three feet from front to back...

663. One of those.

664. And he's got the striped thing across.

665. And he's gonna walk me up front.

666. They have two hours of speeches,

667. Which is typical, as we all know, at conventions,

668. And awards and this and that.

669. And then the chief says,

670. "and now, before we bring on our entertainer,

671. "as you know, last week young Danny McFinn

672. Was shot and killed in the line of duty,"

673. And I turned to this guy and said,

674. "what'd he say?"

675. And this guy leans down and says,

676. "we're gonna have a little memorial service now."

677. And I said, "you know,

678. I'm a comic."

679. And he said, "shh."

680. Now, they bring up the guy's partner,

681. Who breaks down.

682. Can't finish.

683. Can't finish the speech.

684. He breaks down and walks off weeping.

685. They bring up the widow and the family

686. To accept a foundation check,

687. And she...

688. Faints, passes out.

689. They have to revive her with salts.

690. They cart her off on a stretcher.

691. They unfurled a portrait of the guy

692. The length of the arch...

693. Next to an American flag.

694. Everyone stands and sings a hymn.

695. And then, as if it had been scripted,

696. The guy says, "and now, here to make you laugh..."

697. Every comic knows this.

698. It would never enter our heads to not go on.

699. Yeah.

700. No comic would ever say, "this is very bad."

701. I heard from a magician in britain

702. Called Paul Daniels,

703. Who I heard that he did this.

704. It was only for comedians,

705. And it's a tip to make it slightly easier

706. For your first ten minutes.

707. You have to go on and say,

708. "this person has passed away.

709. "it's a terrible thing.

710. "this gig is for them.

711. This is the one..."

712. Ed, we're sorry about it. This is for him.

713. Two cunts walk into a fuck shop...

714. And then you go straight in.

715. Stop me if you heard it.

716. Hey, Gary, are you twittering?

717. I am.

718. Uh, the online response

719. Has been overwhelmingly positive, Paul.

720. Also, after the show,

721. If you want to ask the bartender,

722. We are serving Leon Klinghoffers.

723. It is, uh, two shots and a splash.

724. Oh!

725. Nicely done, nicely done.

726. Thank you all for coming.

727. How about a hand for our guests,

728. Mr. Drew Carey,

729. Mr. Larry Miller,

730. Reginald d. Hunter,

731. Eddie Izzard, ladies and gentlemen.

732. Thank you all for being here.

733. Come on back to another green room.