1. Hello and welcome to
a Grand Tour special,Copy !req
2. which begins with this:
the Volkswagen Beetle.Copy !req
3. It's a car we hate very muchCopy !req
4. because it appeals only
to Nazis and hippies,Copy !req
5. and we are neither
of those things.Copy !req
6. However,
if you remove the bodyworkCopy !req
7. and replace it with something
a bit more fun -Copy !req
8. something like this—Copy !req
9. you end up with
a beach buggy,Copy !req
10. and that's brilliant.Copy !req
11. We love beach buggies.Copy !req
12. However, Mr. Wilman disagrees.Copy !req
13. He says that
if they'd been any good,Copy !req
14. they would have caught on,Copy !req
15. and he points out
that they didn't.Copy !req
16. So he hatched a plan.
And it's this:Copy !req
17. he said all three of us
must buy a Volkswagen Beetle,Copy !req
18. turn it into a beach buggy,Copy !req
19. and then report with itCopy !req
20. to a wild, rugged
and extremely remote place—Copy !req
21. here on the coast of Namibia.Copy !req
22. This is what I've built.Copy !req
23. It's as close
as you can possibly getCopy !req
24. to the original
1964 beach buggyCopy !req
25. built by Bruce Meyers.Copy !req
26. Underneath,
it is a 1950s Beetle—Copy !req
27. Beetle floorpan,
Beetle suspension,Copy !req
28. Beetle engine,
Beetle gearbox.Copy !req
29. It's got Beetle lights on it.Copy !req
30. I've even got
a Beetle speedometerCopy !req
31. and Beetle hubcaps.Copy !req
32. It's brilliant!Copy !req
33. This is a beach buggy
very like the one
that Steve McQueen droveCopy !req
34. in the original
Thomas Crown Affair.Copy !req
35. - And if it's good enough—Copy !req
36. - Oh, God.
- Ha-ha!Copy !req
37. I've been joined
by the 1970s.Copy !req
38. Yes.Copy !req
39. James May has built
what a beach buggy was,Copy !req
40. what I've built is what
a beach buggy can be...Copy !req
41. if you have
a bit of imaginationCopy !req
42. and some purple
metal-flake paint.Copy !req
43. Ha-ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
44. There, I believe,
is the start point
of our adventure.Copy !req
45. What an extraordinary place.Copy !req
46. It's amazing, isn't it?
I mean, more seals.Copy !req
47. What David Attenborough
never told us about thoseCopy !req
48. is how bad they smell.Copy !req
49. Sadly, before
our nature documentary
could go any further,Copy !req
50. Richard Hammond
emerged from the mist.Copy !req
51. Ooh, hello.
That's not a beach buggy.Copy !req
52. - Well, I wouldn't
call that...Copy !req
53. - Ah-ha!
- Oh, geez.Copy !req
54. Ladies and gentlemen,
Dick-tari!Copy !req
55. Behold!Copy !req
56. What are you wearing?Copy !req
57. What are you wearing?Copy !req
58. Well, I'm in Africa!Copy !req
59. - These trousers,Copy !req
60. did they say in the shop,Copy !req
61. "I'm afraid
they are yellow, sir"?Copy !req
62. When you left,
they went, "Yes!Copy !req
63. 20 years we've had
those on the hanger!"Copy !req
64. - Shut up.Copy !req
65. And then we must
move over to this.Copy !req
66. - Yeah.
- We were toldCopy !req
67. to build beach buggies.Copy !req
68. - Yes.
- Beach buggies.Copy !req
69. It's not a beach buggy.
It isn't.Copy !req
70. It is a beach buggy.Copy !req
71. It isn't a beach buggy.
It's got a roof!Copy !req
72. There's no Beetle
in here at all.Copy !req
73. Yes, there is.
Beetle engine in there.Copy !req
74. OK, this space-frame chassis...Copy !req
75. - Yeah.Copy !req
76. - No.
- These enormous
suspension componentsCopy !req
77. that don't even fit
under the bodywork.Copy !req
78. - You've got two lots
of suspension at the back.
- Twin shocks.Copy !req
79. - I like an off-road
sort of vibe.Copy !req
80. To get here,
we had to drive on a beach.Copy !req
81. - Yeah.
- Ours have made it.Copy !req
82. I didn't need two lots
of rear suspension on mine.Copy !req
83. Neither did I.Copy !req
84. Look, we were told
to come to Africa.Copy !req
85. If we'd been told to go
to Santa Monica Beach,
then this, with its...Copy !req
86. incredibly vivid paint...Copy !req
87. That's the most metal flake
I've ever seen.Copy !req
88. Any beach in the world.Copy !req
89. Um...Copy !req
90. - That's the engine.Copy !req
91. - V8!Copy !req
92. I've put a V8
in a beach buggy!Copy !req
93. Well, no, you haven't.Copy !req
94. You've parked your
beach buggy quite close.Copy !req
95. It's not in it!Copy !req
96. - It isn't in it.
No.Copy !req
97. You've reversed into a V8,Copy !req
98. but not quite hard enough.Copy !req
99. It's only gone in
a third of the way.Copy !req
100. Do you have any idea
how difficult it isCopy !req
101. to fit a V8 to a beach buggy?Copy !req
102. - Well, it doesn't fit!
- It's obviously impossible.Copy !req
103. Exactly, it's impossible.Copy !req
104. This is no ordinary V8.Copy !req
105. It started out in lifeCopy !req
106. as a 3.5 litre V8
from a Range Rover,Copy !req
107. but I've modified it,
so it produces
180 horsepower.Copy !req
108. Can I just say,
you were doubtingCopy !req
109. the credibility of mine
as a beach buggy.Copy !req
110. Yeah.Copy !req
111. The defining characteristic
of a beach buggyCopy !req
112. is an air-cooled,
flat-four Beetle engine.Copy !req
113. No, that's not
an engine, James.Copy !req
114. That's just a fan.Copy !req
115. How many horsepower
does yours have?Copy !req
116. 94!Copy !req
117. So I have twice
as many horsepower.Copy !req
118. - They're not in the car,
though.Copy !req
119. - They are, they're near it.
- Yes.Copy !req
120. It's interesting, isn't it?
I mean, that is an entire—Copy !req
121. Nothing about that
is interesting.Copy !req
122. This is a blank canvasCopy !req
123. onto which you could
paint your personality.Copy !req
124. - Yes.
- Yours has gotCopy !req
125. a prolapsed V8 hanging
out of its backsideCopy !req
126. and terrible paint.Copy !req
127. Mine is a rather magnificentCopy !req
128. "Daktari"-themed off-roader.Copy !req
129. That's got nothing on it!Copy !req
130. - You can express...
It is a bit boring.Copy !req
131. all your personality,
and it's standard.Copy !req
132. It's not...
What do you mean, standard?Copy !req
133. It's a beach buggy.Copy !req
134. - It's tasteful.Copy !req
135. What?Copy !req
136. - Oh.
- The bat sat-phone.Copy !req
137. We've got a message from...Copy !req
138. Mr. Wilman.Copy !req
139. Right, go on.Copy !req
140. "Since you're in
beach buggies..."Copy !req
141. Well, us two are.Copy !req
142. "Since you're
in beach buggies,Copy !req
143. you will now
drive to the beach."Copy !req
144. Uh...Copy !req
145. Uh... do you thinkCopy !req
146. he's taken leave
of his senses?Copy !req
147. Well, he was never that good
at geography, was he?Copy !req
148. No, he wasn't. "You'll now
drive to the beach."Copy !req
149. Hold on.
Oh, no, there's more.Copy !req
150. "The beach
to which you will driveCopy !req
151. is located on
the crocodile-infested
Kunene RiverCopy !req
152. at the northernmost
point of Namibia,
where it meets Angola.Copy !req
153. It's 1,000 miles away."Copy !req
154. - 1,000.Copy !req
155. What we needed
at this point was a map,Copy !req
156. so we decided
to head north up the coastCopy !req
157. and find the nearest town.Copy !req
158. Let the journey begin!Copy !req
159. And what a journey
it would be in these cars,Copy !req
160. cars that were born
in interesting times.Copy !req
161. So, it's 1964,Copy !req
162. the word "teenager"
has started to appearCopy !req
163. in the world's dictionaries,Copy !req
164. people are listening
to new types of music,Copy !req
165. they're smoking
new types of stuff.Copy !req
166. And then, in California,
the beach buggy arrived!Copy !req
167. It was perfect!Copy !req
168. Girls and boys,
beach barbecues...Copy !req
169. The first design criteria
was that the front fenders
were flat,Copy !req
170. so you could stand
a beer on it.Copy !req
171. That's how you design a car!Copy !req
172. Jimi Hendrix had a beach buggy
and President Nixon didn't.Copy !req
173. Tells you
all you need to know.Copy !req
174. What I really like
about the beach buggy
is that it's a testamentCopy !req
175. to the ability of
the human spirit to triumph.Copy !req
176. Because somebody looked
at the Beetle and said,Copy !req
177. "Well, that's the legacy of
the world's worst dictator.Copy !req
178. Let's turn it
into a beach car."Copy !req
179. After a lonely hourCopy !req
180. of driving north
through the swirling mist,Copy !req
181. we still hadn't found a town,Copy !req
182. but we did find
something else.Copy !req
183. Jesus.Copy !req
184. I'll tell you what,Copy !req
185. he must have been
going at a right old lickCopy !req
186. when he hit the beach.Copy !req
187. He must have been.Copy !req
188. Right, the sea is there.Copy !req
189. That's half a mile away.Copy !req
190. I'd say so.Copy !req
191. So he got it up the beach,Copy !req
192. and then sort of did
a handbrake turn.Copy !req
193. - Power-slided it in.
- How do you do a handbrake...Copy !req
194. How did it
get here, seriously?Copy !req
195. Can I just say...
my nipples are erect.Copy !req
196. - What, 'cause
of this jacket?
- No.Copy !req
197. - Oh.
- It's cold.Copy !req
198. - It's cold.Copy !req
199. That's an unwise
wardrobe strategy.Copy !req
200. Yeah, well, you know,Copy !req
201. Africa, on a beach,
I thought...Copy !req
202. - So did I.
- I'm surprised.Copy !req
203. The beach has got
the sea haar on it -Copy !req
204. mist, fog, cold.Copy !req
205. - If you look over there...
- Hm.Copy !req
206. sunshine, blue sky.Copy !req
207. - Why don't we just
go inland...
- The coast road.Copy !req
208. Find the coast road
which will take us
to a town.Copy !req
209. And that'll be in the sun.
That's a better idea.Copy !req
210. With a plan worked out,Copy !req
211. it was time
to get moving again.Copy !req
212. Oh, dear.Copy !req
213. Did you modify
the battery as well?Copy !req
214. Oh...Copy !req
215. - It's obviously not
charging up.
- No.Copy !req
216. Because I didn't modify it.Copy !req
217. Yeah.Copy !req
218. I'll just see if mine works.Copy !req
219. - Oh, yeah.
- Let me just try mine.Copy !req
220. - Yeah.Copy !req
221. After the film crew
had got me going,Copy !req
222. I used my massive horsepower
to catch the others.Copy !req
223. But by the time we were
back together again...Copy !req
224. it was going dark.Copy !req
225. The sun, as you can see
over my shoulder, has set,Copy !req
226. and we still
haven't found a road.Copy !req
227. It's also going to be very,
very, very cold.Copy !req
228. Lights on.Copy !req
229. We have
got to find this road.Copy !req
230. This is not going to be
too clever...Copy !req
231. in the dark.Copy !req
232. I've rather crudely
rigged up my torch,Copy !req
233. wedged in
the windscreen rail,Copy !req
234. in the hope that you can see
my last pieces to camera.Copy !req
235. Oh, bollocks!Copy !req
236. Oh, cold!Copy !req
237. Finally, though,Copy !req
238. it looked like
our luck had changed.Copy !req
239. Ooh, hello! Hello!Copy !req
240. What's that?Copy !req
241. - It's not a hotel.
- No.Copy !req
242. It smells of excrement!Copy !req
243. Oh, wow, look at this!Copy !req
244. There's still, like, platesCopy !req
245. and cups and saucers
and things in here.Copy !req
246. I'll tell you exactly
what this is.Copy !req
247. It's an abandoned mine.Copy !req
248. They do mine round
in Namibia, don't they?Copy !req
249. What do they mine for?Copy !req
250. - Diamonds.Copy !req
251. Yeah, but they wouldn't
have left if there were any.Copy !req
252. They obviously left,
and not yesterday.Copy !req
253. Look, there's no road here,
is there?Copy !req
254. - No.
- No.Copy !req
255. Apart from anything else,Copy !req
256. we can't find our way
around in the darkCopy !req
257. 'cause we can't navigate.Copy !req
258. - Well, I can.Copy !req
259. - Stars.Copy !req
260. - No, you can't.
- I can.Copy !req
261. I can't do very many
things, I admit...Copy !req
262. anything,
but I can do that.Copy !req
263. How do you navigate
by the stars?Copy !req
264. Uh...
find the Southern Cross.Copy !req
265. Yeah, but that's
really complicated.Copy !req
266. Right, do you want to sleep
in the excrement mine?Copy !req
267. No, this is out.Copy !req
268. So, we have to keep going,Copy !req
269. whether we like it or not,
till we find...Copy !req
270. We have to, so listen.Copy !req
271. I shall find
the Southern Cross.Copy !req
272. You can't find
the Southern Cross
with a hammer.Copy !req
273. I've found it!
Ha! I've found it.
It's there.Copy !req
274. It's like a kite.Copy !req
275. - Yeah.Copy !req
276. It's a kite shape.
It's sort of...Copy !req
277. Now, you take
the long axis, yes?Copy !req
278. - Yes.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
279. And draw an imaginary lineCopy !req
280. through it,
down to the horizon.Copy !req
281. Yes? Now, you intersect itCopy !req
282. from a line drawn
between two other stars,Copy !req
283. and where those
two imaginary lines meet,Copy !req
284. directly underneath it
is due south.Copy !req
285. So if it's those two—Copy !req
286. which it is, I'm sure of it—Copy !req
287. you draw a line...Copy !req
288. Oh, this is a bad idea!Copy !req
289. We are now trusting
our lives to an orangutanCopy !req
290. who thinks
he's Patrick Moore.Copy !req
291. There it is.
There's the two stars.Copy !req
292. Draw a line...Copy !req
293. I'm not getting many
directions from you, Jeremy.
Is this right?Copy !req
294. You're heading a little bit
too much to the right.Copy !req
295. You need to go left a bit.Copy !req
296. Good, good.
Oh, I'm so confident.Copy !req
297. You two are going to be
eating humble pie
when the sun comes up.Copy !req
298. Despite
the confidenceCopy !req
299. of Jeremy Columbus,Copy !req
300. no road appeared.Copy !req
301. Oh, this is grim.Copy !req
302. Excuse me.Copy !req
303. I've been on the go
a very, very long time now.Copy !req
304. Guys, I'm sorry.
I'm not driving another inch.Copy !req
305. I can't do this.Copy !req
306. It's three o'clock
in the morning.Copy !req
307. I'm exhausted.Copy !req
308. He does have a point.Copy !req
309. The next morning,Copy !req
310. we woke, having
slept on the sand,Copy !req
311. huddled round our engines
for warmth.Copy !req
312. You muppet. What's that?Copy !req
313. Um...Copy !req
314. "Um" what?Copy !req
315. I never knew
Namibia had two seas.Copy !req
316. It doesn't have two seas.Copy !req
317. No, it has one
massive "cee" in it.Copy !req
318. One massive, stupid "cee"Copy !req
319. that's navigated us back
to where we started.Copy !req
320. - Can I just say...
- It wasn't my... I...Copy !req
321. Why did we even believe
you could navigate
by the stars?Copy !req
322. You can't even
read a compass.Copy !req
323. There are two "cees".
There's two "cees" hereCopy !req
324. for believing that
that "cee" could navigate us.Copy !req
325. - No, you're right.
- I couldn't possibly...Copy !req
326. Really,
I don't understand that.Copy !req
327. Freezing cold,
sandpapered on the face...Copy !req
328. - You've got a coat on.Copy !req
329. I haven't even got
a thin coat.Copy !req
330. I've only got
a T-shirt. Anyway,Copy !req
331. I'm not going to be
competitive with youCopy !req
332. about who's the coldest.Copy !req
333. - I'm the coldest!
- We're all the lostest.Copy !req
334. Never mind. Look,
let's not get bogged downCopy !req
335. with whose fault it was.Copy !req
336. There's no being bogged
down with it, is there?Copy !req
337. It was yours.Copy !req
338. We can either go
back into the desertCopy !req
339. to look for a road,Copy !req
340. or we can just do what
we were doing yesterday,Copy !req
341. and stay on the beach.Copy !req
342. At least we know, if we
keep the sea on our left,Copy !req
343. we're going north.Copy !req
344. - Yes.
- That's a fair point.Copy !req
345. - Let's navigate by the sea.
Yes.Copy !req
346. With our new—
well, newish—Copy !req
347. plan in place,Copy !req
348. we set off once more.Copy !req
349. So here we are. These are our
wheel marks from yesterday.Copy !req
350. 24 hours of cold, misery...Copy !req
351. to achieve exactly nothing.Copy !req
352. I mean,
it is exactly nothing.Copy !req
353. But, apart from that
and the weather...Copy !req
354. and Jeremy Clarkson,
it's all going really well.Copy !req
355. As we continued north,Copy !req
356. the misery of
the previous day was banishedCopy !req
357. by the sheer bigness
of our surroundings.Copy !req
358. Oh, this is
an astonishing place.Copy !req
359. I've got a dune the size
of Mount Everest to my right,Copy !req
360. the Atlantic Ocean
to my left...Copy !req
361. This is absolutely epic.Copy !req
362. This is proper
beach buggy driving.Copy !req
363. Sun's out, sea's there
with the surf.Copy !req
364. It's like being
in the Beach Boys.Copy !req
365. Amidst all
this loveliness, though,Copy !req
366. there was one small elephant
edging its way into the room.Copy !req
367. Chaps, I don't want to
have to say this,Copy !req
368. but is the tide coming in
or going out?Copy !req
369. Uh... I'm guessing in.Copy !req
370. There's no way
up the sides of that.Copy !req
371. And if the tide comes in
that far, which it does,Copy !req
372. we've had it.Copy !req
373. Got to keep moving here.Copy !req
374. We cannot afford
to get stuck.Copy !req
375. With some generous
use of the throttle,Copy !req
376. we managed to get clearCopy !req
377. of the sea-and-sand-dune
pincer movement.Copy !req
378. But then we had
another problem.Copy !req
379. I'd say that was the end
of the beach.Copy !req
380. How does that
just end like that?Copy !req
381. It does just end.
That is the end.Copy !req
382. And the Namibian
government doesn't allow usCopy !req
383. to drive on the salt pans,
and that's what that is.Copy !req
384. This meant,
according to James,Copy !req
385. we had only one option.Copy !req
386. We've got to go back
the way we came.Copy !req
387. But if the tide's coming in,Copy !req
388. that narrow bit
will have become impassable.Copy !req
389. That's why I think
if we see a good opportunity
to turn left,Copy !req
390. like we did last night,
we do it.Copy !req
391. Are you honestly suggesting
we go back in the...Copy !req
392. Well, where else can we go?Copy !req
393. We'll either drown
or starve otherwise.Copy !req
394. Right, we've just
got to find a bitCopy !req
395. where we can get inland
before the tide comes in.Copy !req
396. That is getting closer
to that,Copy !req
397. and when that happens,
we've had it.Copy !req
398. But as we thundered along,Copy !req
399. the dunes refused
to open up and let us in.Copy !req
400. That's the sea!Copy !req
401. It's the sea, there!Copy !req
402. Oh, it's coming at me!Copy !req
403. I still say
we can't get out here, look.Copy !req
404. No left turn at the moment.Copy !req
405. This is where you need a V8!Copy !req
406. Oh, shit.Copy !req
407. Oh, Jeremy's in trouble!Copy !req
408. That is not looking good!Copy !req
409. Come on, come on. Whoa.Copy !req
410. Oh, no.Copy !req
411. Oh, no. No, no, no.
Not a good place.Copy !req
412. - Oh, God.Copy !req
413. Uh... I'm in the sea.Copy !req
414. Because it was
a bit of an emergency,Copy !req
415. my colleagues
decided to help for once.Copy !req
416. - Go.Copy !req
417. No.Copy !req
418. Is that just spinning?Copy !req
419. It's beached under there.Copy !req
420. I don't see why
I can't push him with that.Copy !req
421. - All right, then. Try.
- All right.Copy !req
422. James, count us in.Copy !req
423. Three, two, one, away!Copy !req
424. Yes!
Right, let's go!Copy !req
425. Me getting beached cost us
time we never had
in the first place,Copy !req
426. and we were still trapped.Copy !req
427. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
428. Ah, it's coming in.Copy !req
429. Come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
430. Come on.Copy !req
431. Whoa!Copy !req
432. Oh!Copy !req
433. Oh, that's bad.Copy !req
434. Shit.Copy !req
435. Whoa!Copy !req
436. Come on, baby, come on.Copy !req
437. Mercifully, the dunes finally
started to fall awayCopy !req
438. and we were saved.Copy !req
439. - And we're through!
- We are, we are.Copy !req
440. That's a relief.Copy !req
441. So nearly got stuck then.Copy !req
442. We'd now been
on the go for 36 hours,Copy !req
443. and we were
pretty much back where
we started from... again.Copy !req
444. We were also soaked,
frozen, worn out,Copy !req
445. and because
we had no food with us,Copy !req
446. we were also hungry.Copy !req
447. But then Bear Clarkson
came to the rescue.Copy !req
448. Cold you go and get
some driftwood for a fire?Copy !req
449. And could you fashion
a rudimentary barbecue
grill of some sort?Copy !req
450. OK. Where did you get
the fishing rod from?Copy !req
451. It's my whip aerial.
It's a beach buggy.Copy !req
452. - I thought of that.
- They're fishing rods.Copy !req
453. This is going to make
a perfect little
fish grill thing, look.Copy !req
454. Have you got a fire lit yet?Copy !req
455. I thought you were fishing.Copy !req
456. I am fishing.
My car's fishing.Copy !req
457. - Look.Copy !req
458. - Yeah, look,
I've got the rods attached.
- It's parked.Copy !req
459. What's that?
That's the grill.Copy !req
460. So we hold that
with the pliers
from my multi-tool,Copy !req
461. cut the fish up, fillet it...Copy !req
462. Can you do that?
There's no point asking him.
He can open a tin...Copy !req
463. Can you fillet a fish?Copy !req
464. - Well, it's the sea!Copy !req
465. What did you think I was
going to catch, a chicken?Copy !req
466. Oh, my God!Copy !req
467. Oh, my God!
No, wait. Yes!Copy !req
468. Ha-ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
469. While Hammond went off
to get more driftwood,Copy !req
470. James and I set about
gutting the catch.Copy !req
471. Use his car
as the table. There we go.Copy !req
472. - That's his gut.
Look. You've got it.
- Yeah, right.Copy !req
473. Oh, God. Shit. Look,Copy !req
474. it's all gone literally
onto his exhaust.Copy !req
475. Oh, no. Never mind.
Look, I need your help.Copy !req
476. Right, saw its head off.Copy !req
477. - Ah, there we go.
- Excellent.Copy !req
478. - I think, but I'm not sure—
- It's gone under his seat.Copy !req
479. Oh, no. Has it?Copy !req
480. It's all right,
I'll get it out later.Copy !req
481. Oh, it's done a treat, this.Copy !req
482. Look at this, Hammond.Copy !req
483. Mm.Copy !req
484. Oh, that's all right,
isn't it?Copy !req
485. Ooh.Copy !req
486. It tastes like fish,
doesn't it?Copy !req
487. OK, does anybody want a beer?Copy !req
488. - No.Copy !req
489. - Oh, you...Copy !req
490. - That deserves a stabbing.Copy !req
491. That is a proper stabbing.Copy !req
492. That's properly out of order.Copy !req
493. After lunch,Copy !req
494. we set off once more
into the dunes.Copy !req
495. Right,
so let's keep heading east.Copy !req
496. And we must come to
a road at some...Copy !req
497. There has to be a road.Copy !req
498. But,
for mile after mile,Copy !req
499. there wasn't.Copy !req
500. It's the Namib Desert.Copy !req
501. "Namib" in the local dialect
means "big nothing".Copy !req
502. It must be the prettiest
desert in the world.Copy !req
503. It's just a sea of dunes.Copy !req
504. Dunes which
were getting bigger.Copy !req
505. Bloody Nora,
look at the size of that!Copy !req
506. Engaging 180 horsepower.Copy !req
507. Climbing them in our
two-wheel-drive beach buggiesCopy !req
508. was becoming tricky.Copy !req
509. Come on, you can do this.
You can do this!Copy !req
510. But by deploying the V8,
I was sort of all right.Copy !req
511. Yes!Copy !req
512. Oh-ho-ho-ho!Copy !req
513. Hammond had grippy tyres,
so he was all right, too.Copy !req
514. Please, make it. Please.Copy !req
515. Please!Copy !req
516. Ho-ho!Copy !req
517. There you go!Copy !req
518. However, back in the 1960s...Copy !req
519. Come on, little car.Copy !req
520. - Oh, no, no, no.Copy !req
521. No, no.Copy !req
522. - Yes.Copy !req
523. Two problems. Number one,Copy !req
524. he's put a 90 horsepower
engine in it,Copy !req
525. which actually
is probably only 40.Copy !req
526. - Yeah.
- And number two,Copy !req
527. he will not use
full power ever.Copy !req
528. Well, he's got
a 90 horsepower engine,
but a 5 horsepower foot.Copy !req
529. And I bet you any money he's
saying "I had a misfire."Copy !req
530. You've got to push the
accelerator all the way to—Copy !req
531. I know, but... I know that.Copy !req
532. It occasionally has
a little misfire moment,Copy !req
533. and then I lose it.Copy !req
534. - He said it!Copy !req
535. And so
the afternoon continued.Copy !req
536. The Grunt Machine
and the Grit Machine
would forge ahead...Copy !req
537. There is no way in hell
I'm doing this!Copy !req
538. Yes!Copy !req
539. You star!Copy !req
540. and then there'd beCopy !req
541. the inevitable
radio exchange.Copy !req
542. We appear to be a man down,
Jeremy.Copy !req
543. James May, where are you?Copy !req
544. Because
we spent so much timeCopy !req
545. waiting
for Captain Misfire,Copy !req
546. we were still in the desert
as dusk fell.Copy !req
547. And failing light meant it
was hard to spot obstacles.Copy !req
548. Right, sit rep.Copy !req
549. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
550. - Holy...Copy !req
551. - Oh, my God!Copy !req
552. - Oh, shit!Copy !req
553. Look at it!Copy !req
554. Mate, I've got
to have a look.Copy !req
555. Oh, shitty death...Copy !req
556. - I locked up.
That was just...
- Look, he's buried!Copy !req
557. - You've buried the front.
- I was completely locked up.Copy !req
558. 'Cause I would have
gone down that.Copy !req
559. - Look at it!Copy !req
560. My close shave was a reminder
that, after dark,Copy !req
561. these dunes would become
very, very dangerous.Copy !req
562. It's getting
harder and harder
to read the terrain now.Copy !req
563. Is that a drop?
Is that a hill?Copy !req
564. Is that going up?
Is that a cliff?
What is it?Copy !req
565. Peril... peril.Copy !req
566. Oh, shit!Copy !req
567. Oh, I think there's
a drop off there.Copy !req
568. It's just a black abyss.Copy !req
569. That could be
a huge cliff again.Copy !req
570. Eventually,
we could take no more,Copy !req
571. and we had to settle down
for a second night
around our engines.Copy !req
572. We will find a road.
There must...Copy !req
573. - It can't... It can't
go on forever, can it?
- No.Copy !req
574. It has to... There will be
a town, a road... something.Copy !req
575. Unfortunately,
to find salvation,Copy !req
576. we still had to climb
more dunes.Copy !req
577. Climb them and then
get down the other side.Copy !req
578. Oh, my God!Copy !req
579. Well, that's just a cliff!Copy !req
580. Whoa! Aargh!Copy !req
581. Whoa, this is a monster.Copy !req
582. Oh!
I don't think I can do...!Copy !req
583. Whoa-ho-ho-ho!Copy !req
584. Whoa-a-a-a-a-a!Copy !req
585. Here we go.Copy !req
586. All three of us
simultaneously...Copy !req
587. Holy shit.Copy !req
588. Oh-h-h-h, shit!Copy !req
589. Argh-hhh! Ha-ha!Copy !req
590. Whoa-a-a-a-a!Copy !req
591. I wasn't scared.Copy !req
592. Oh, my God.Copy !req
593. Guys, this is the biggest yet
by a country mile.Copy !req
594. Whoa-a-a-a-a-a!Copy !req
595. Is that the size of the dropCopy !req
596. or what's happened
to his penis?Copy !req
597. Right, then. Let's see
what all the fuss is about.Copy !req
598. Holy shit!Copy !req
599. Oh-h-h-h-h!Copy !req
600. Phwoar.Copy !req
601. And now straighten
those wheels, Richard,Copy !req
602. straighten them,Copy !req
603. because you've got to
go down straight.Copy !req
604. Holy shit.
Oh-h-h-h-h, shit!Copy !req
605. That is frightening.Copy !req
606. Love this desert.Copy !req
607. I'm never, ever, ever happierCopy !req
608. than I am
when I'm in a desert.Copy !req
609. And this... this is the best
desert I've ever been to.Copy !req
610. You can never really lose
sight of the fact, though,Copy !req
611. that what it actually isCopy !req
612. is a big, orange
killing engine.Copy !req
613. Now, a big crest's coming up.
No idea.Copy !req
614. Gentle rolling hill
or massive cliff?Copy !req
615. I don't know, Hammond!Copy !req
616. Hammond, seriously.Copy !req
617. Shit, he's gone.Copy !req
618. Hammond's gone, everyone.
Hammond's gone. Big one.Copy !req
619. Oh, me.Copy !req
620. How the
did you get down that?Copy !req
621. With my eyes shut!Copy !req
622. That was terrifying!Copy !req
623. Jesus!Copy !req
624. As we
continued to head east,Copy !req
625. the terrain
eventually levelled out...Copy !req
626. which meant
we swapped terror
for extreme discomfort.Copy !req
627. Ah. Oh, God Almighty.Copy !req
628. I don't think these cars
were actually designedCopy !req
629. to take this much punishment.Copy !req
630. - And I know we weren't.Copy !req
631. The only thing is,Copy !req
632. James's car rides lower
than this and will be worse.Copy !req
633. Argh! Ow!Copy !req
634. Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
635. Agh!Copy !req
636. Soon,
the relentless batteringCopy !req
637. started to cause breakdowns.Copy !req
638. Sand... Sand in gear shift.Copy !req
639. My throttle is
jammed wide open, people.Copy !req
640. The problem is that every
time the air filter, here,Copy !req
641. turns as I'm driving along—
which it does—Copy !req
642. it's jamming the throttle.Copy !req
643. What's going on here?Copy !req
644. What's up?Copy !req
645. The throttle is now jammingCopy !req
646. fully open all the time.Copy !req
647. Oh, problem.Copy !req
648. Oh, God.Copy !req
649. It is still moving.Copy !req
650. Many miles ahead,Copy !req
651. we'd pulled over for a break
from the endless bumps,Copy !req
652. and James was being
very interesting!Copy !req
653. The good thing about this hat
is you can angle it,
like a heliostat,Copy !req
654. to where
the sun's coming from.Copy !req
655. Yes, that's true.Copy !req
656. But you still look a tit.Copy !req
657. Luckily for Hammond, who
could do with the company,Copy !req
658. I was back on the move.Copy !req
659. Right, a new style of driving
is now required.Copy !req
660. This arm for steering,
this arm for changing gear,Copy !req
661. and then another arm
for deaccelerating, like so.Copy !req
662. Yes!Copy !req
663. Accelerate.Copy !req
664. Deaccelerate.Copy !req
665. Sometimes, if you
listen very carefully,Copy !req
666. you can hear my genius.Copy !req
667. Back as a threesome,
we continuedCopy !req
668. with our seemingly
endless journey to the east.Copy !req
669. Just need to find a road now.
This is not funny any more.Copy !req
670. Enough desert.Copy !req
671. I don't want another night
in the desert.Copy !req
672. I smell pretty bad.Copy !req
673. And I suspect that
if we manageCopy !req
674. to find somewhere tonight
near civilisation,Copy !req
675. we should probably
have a ceremonialCopy !req
676. bonfire of the underpants.Copy !req
677. In truth, though,Copy !req
678. I thought we'd be
in the desert forever.Copy !req
679. But then,
late in the afternoon...Copy !req
680. I'm looking ahead,
and I'm not seeing
an endless sea of sand.Copy !req
681. I'm seeing green.Copy !req
682. Trees!
Those are trees and shrubs!Copy !req
683. Pylons!Copy !req
684. Pylons!
That means electricity.Copy !req
685. Oh, yes!Copy !req
686. Civilisation!Copy !req
687. And then, best of all...Copy !req
688. Oh, my God.Copy !req
689. I honestly thought we had
another night of sleeping...Copy !req
690. - ... in the sand.Copy !req
691. But, no! Look at it!Copy !req
692. Nicest thing I've ever seen.Copy !req
693. I could go east,
I could go west...Copy !req
694. Whichever way you go, it goes
somewhere. That's the point.Copy !req
695. It's a road,
it goes somewhere.Copy !req
696. You know what we've
just done, don't you?Copy !req
697. We've just crossed
the Namib Desert
in three beach buggies.Copy !req
698. - We have.
- We did.Copy !req
699. We did.Copy !req
700. There is literally nothing
can stop us now.Copy !req
701. Admittedly,Copy !req
702. our crossing had not exactly
been as the crow flies,Copy !req
703. but we had found our road,Copy !req
704. and that's all that mattered.Copy !req
705. Oh, yes!Copy !req
706. That's the best thing
I've ever seen!Copy !req
707. Yes,
it is the road to freedom!Copy !req
708. Something has just exploded
at the back of my car.Copy !req
709. Oh, dear.Copy !req
710. By the time my colleagues
had got back to me,Copy !req
711. I'd worked out
what the problem was.Copy !req
712. It's really
straightforward, OK?Copy !req
713. - The top bolt has come
out of the shock absorber.
- Right.Copy !req
714. It shot up, boinged
into the coolant pipe,Copy !req
715. and three gallons of water
have simply burst out,Copy !req
716. going everywhere
except into the engine.Copy !req
717. - Right.
- So all I've got to do
is reattach the top bolt...Copy !req
718. mend the pipe and find
three gallons of water...Copy !req
719. which I shall get
from a passing motorist,
and I'll be on my way.Copy !req
720. Right.Copy !req
721. All I could do
with a hand withCopy !req
722. is just lifting the car upCopy !req
723. so I can reattach the, um...Copy !req
724. Yeah. Well,
is there anybody here?Copy !req
725. - There's...
- I suppose a motorist
will pass eventually.Copy !req
726. The one that gives you water
will also lift it up for you.Copy !req
727. You could just
lift it up a little bit.Copy !req
728. Or we could go
and have a beer.Copy !req
729. - I hear traffic.
- Yes.
- We'd better not be here.Copy !req
730. We don't want to interfere
when you're trying to talkCopy !req
731. 'cause we might put them off.Copy !req
732. Right.Copy !req
733. Somewhere along here
there will be a place,Copy !req
734. and that place
will have a bar in itCopy !req
735. that will contain beer.Copy !req
736. Do you have any water?Copy !req
737. - Water.Copy !req
738. Because the radiator
has blown,Copy !req
739. so I need just three gallons.Copy !req
740. Look, you've got some water
there. Just a bucket.Copy !req
741. It's an actual water lorry...Copy !req
742. leaking water,
and he won't give me any.Copy !req
743. Eventually,
I flagged down a localCopy !req
744. who had water to spare.Copy !req
745. Thank you.Copy !req
746. And then I got on
with the repairs.Copy !req
747. That is one reassembled
shock absorber.Copy !req
748. That's reattached,Copy !req
749. so that's the cooling system
back in one piece.Copy !req
750. After an exhausting
five-hour drive,Copy !req
751. Richard and I finally
reached a town,Copy !req
752. which turned out to be
Namibia's capital city:
Windhoek,Copy !req
753. and we too were
taking on liquids.Copy !req
754. Mm.Copy !req
755. Back out on
the highway, though,Copy !req
756. things weren't so good.Copy !req
757. What I'm driving here -
or attempting to drive -
is Apollo 13.Copy !req
758. There's some air
trapped in the systemCopy !req
759. and I've had to make
a small hole in the frontCopy !req
760. to get at the radiator.Copy !req
761. Bled that,Copy !req
762. bled all the stuff
going into the engine.Copy !req
763. This is the header pipe.Copy !req
764. Everything is bled, and yet,Copy !req
765. you do a mile, it overheats.Copy !req
766. Another mile, overheats.Copy !req
767. Well, we've covered...
20 miles in four hours.Copy !req
768. This is the sixth time
in 30 miles that's happened.Copy !req
769. Whilst my colleagues
embraced beer and bed,Copy !req
770. I steeled myself
for the longest, coldest,Copy !req
771. most frustrating night
of my life.Copy !req
772. The roads are getting worse.Copy !req
773. Honestly, my bones
are going to shatter.Copy !req
774. - Oh, my God!Copy !req
775. - I've had a great idea.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
776. Oh, shit, it's really high!Copy !req