1. Welcome back to
Play of the Week,Copy !req
2. where each week
a play is performed liveCopy !req
3. in front of a studio audience,
here in CornleyCopy !req
4. and broadcast to the nation.Copy !req
5. I am Chris Bean,
the director.Copy !req
6. Following
a number of complaints,Copy !req
7. we have combed through
this week's scriptCopy !req
8. for any offensive language.Copy !req
9. One character
in particular, Buddy,Copy !req
10. does use rather a lot of
gruff vocabulary,Copy !req
11. or as my mother would put it,
"Scottish language,"Copy !req
12. which will be
censored throughout.Copy !req
13. Also, unusually, this week,
we have hit a minor snag.Copy !req
14. Tonight's American playCopy !req
15. is entitled "90 Degrees"Copy !req
16. in relation to
the Tennessee heat.Copy !req
17. Unfortunately,
when the set builders
saw 90 degreesCopy !req
18. written on their
technical drawing,Copy !req
19. they took it to mean
build parts of the set...Copy !req
20. You'll immediately see
what they've done,
to be honest.Copy !req
21. But do not fear,
we have corrected the issueCopy !req
22. by repositioning the cameras.Copy !req
23. So, the actors are prepared,Copy !req
24. the stage is,
in some sense, set.Copy !req
25. Please enjoy 90 Degrees.Copy !req
26. Give it to me straight, Larry.Copy !req
27. How long does your daddy
got to live?Copy !req
28. Daddy gets more sick
each sunrise.Copy !req
29. The doc says we ought to
prepare for the worst.Copy !req
30. Said I wasn't going to cry.
Damn it!Copy !req
31. That's mighty fine work
looking afterCopy !req
32. that old man
all by yourself, Larry.Copy !req
33. Yeah, it's not just me.Copy !req
34. Ol' Neighbor Joe
is always passing through.Copy !req
35. - Morning!Copy !req
36. Morning, Joe!Copy !req
37. Well, your daddy
is lucky to have you around.Copy !req
38. Thank you, Mr. Pines.Copy !req
39. Wow! It sure is...Copy !req
40. Sure is hot today.Copy !req
41. It's 90 degrees outside.Copy !req
42. It's 90 degrees in here too.Copy !req
43. - Can you feel it?
- I sure can.Copy !req
44. Perhaps I can pour you
some ice tea.Copy !req
45. Please!Copy !req
46. Thank you.Copy !req
47. It's good stuff.Copy !req
48. Melinda made it.Copy !req
49. Almost as good as
your mommy used to make.Copy !req
50. Ah, I sure wish
she was here now.Copy !req
51. She'd know just
what to say to Pa.Copy !req
52. - Sugar?
- Yes, please.Copy !req
53. Always did have a sweet tooth.Copy !req
54. Can I get you some more ice?Copy !req
55. Just a couple of cubes.Copy !req
56. Well, you sure
drank that fast.Copy !req
57. Can I get you a refill?Copy !req
58. No!Copy !req
59. You know, my brother
and sister will be arriving
anytime nowCopy !req
60. and I just can't wait
to see 'em.Copy !req
61. Don't be so naive, Larry.Copy !req
62. There's only one damn reason
they're coming back.Copy !req
63. I am not naive, Mr. Pines.Copy !req
64. Buddy and Barbara
are good people!Copy !req
65. Whoa!Copy !req
66. If you'll excuse me,
Mr. Pines.Copy !req
67. I'll be right back, Mr. Pines.Copy !req
68. Take your time.Copy !req
69. Whoa!Copy !req
70. - Who is it, Melinda?
- It's Ms. Barbara.Copy !req
71. No, Carl.Copy !req
72. I need you to tell the buyers
to relaxCopy !req
73. and sign
the damned contracts today.Copy !req
74. Real good to see you, Barb.Copy !req
75. I don't care
if there are layoffs, Carl.Copy !req
76. I care about profits.Copy !req
77. Larry, it's been a while.Copy !req
78. Five years, Barb.Copy !req
79. Yet, not a day
seems to have passed in here.Copy !req
80. Do you want to say hello
to Ruffles?Copy !req
81. Don't tell me that mangy dog
is still alive.Copy !req
82. Ruffles.Copy !req
83. Come on and say hello
to Barbara.Copy !req
84. Ooh.Copy !req
85. Uh, he's a few years older,Copy !req
86. but he still loves
to run around.Copy !req
87. Woof.Copy !req
88. Ruffles, sit.Copy !req
89. Lie down.Copy !req
90. Look, lie down.Copy !req
91. Woof.Copy !req
92. - Good boy.Copy !req
93. That'll be our little brother.Copy !req
94. And his money-grabbing
city gal.Copy !req
95. Ugh, Melinda, please be civil.Copy !req
96. Rene is Buddy's wife now.Copy !req
97. Yeah, she sure got
her hooks in deep.Copy !req
98. Ah, Buddy, Rene.Copy !req
99. Oh, hello there, Larry.Copy !req
100. Buddy, good to see ya.Copy !req
101. Ooh! Honey, you weren't kidding.Copy !req
102. It is something quaint.Copy !req
103. Daddy's in his room.Copy !req
104. Now, before you see him,
I must warn you,Copy !req
105. he's in a bad way.Copy !req
106. Oh, Barb, please don't cry.Copy !req
107. I'm sorry, Larry, it's just...Copy !req
108. It's just so sad.Copy !req
109. Come on, Barb!Copy !req
110. Cut the crap!Copy !req
111. Easy, Buddy. You okay?Copy !req
112. Of course I'm not!Copy !req
113. I was the quarterback
for the Tennessee Bears!Copy !req
114. One bad tackle,
I break both my legs.Copy !req
115. Now, I'm stuck in this chair.Copy !req
116. Okay, Buddy, calm down.Copy !req
117. How about a nice cool beer?Copy !req
118. Sure.Copy !req
119. I'm starving too.
You got snacks, right?Copy !req
120. Can't you think
about something
other than your belly?Copy !req
121. Anything to stop me thinking
about my legs.Copy !req
122. You ain't even asked
about your pops yet.Copy !req
123. How long does he have left?Copy !req
124. Doc says
it could be any day now.Copy !req
125. At least he won't have to
put up with any more of this...Copy !req
126. crap.Copy !req
127. Woof, bark, growl.
Woof, bark, growl.Copy !req
128. - Woof.
- What's your little dog doin'?Copy !req
129. - Oh!
- Don't mind him.
He's real friendly.Copy !req
130. Wag, wag, wag.Copy !req
131. Don't say "wag,"
just press the button.Copy !req
132. Which button?
The button
right in front of you.Copy !req
133. Got it.Copy !req
134. Will someone please control
this animal?Copy !req
135. Go into the study, boy.Copy !req
136. Fine!
It's not easy being
a dog, you know?Copy !req
137. You're supposed to be
doing dog noises.Copy !req
138. You can't give it lines.Copy !req
139. It's an inner monologue.Copy !req
140. Then why are you
saying it out loud?Copy !req
141. This is a naturalistic piece.Copy !req
142. Nothing natural
about it, Chris.Copy !req
143. They built the set sideways.Copy !req
144. Just do a bark.Copy !req
145. This is
your fault, Chris.
Trying to cut costs,Copy !req
146. getting Dennis's dad
to do the sets.Copy !req
147. Then you got that toymaker
to do all the furniture.Copy !req
148. He's never done
anything other than
jack-in-the-boxes before.Copy !req
149. Just do a dog noise.
Do a dog noise!Copy !req
150. No.Copy !req
151. Go into the study, boy.Copy !req
152. Chris, what a disaster.Copy !req
153. Get your hands off me,
you fiend.Copy !req
154. Press the button.
Oh, you idiot!Copy !req
155. Stay out of my way.Copy !req
156. I am executing
a three-point turn.Copy !req
157. Chris, look at
the state of that.Copy !req
158. Will you stop
interfering with me?Copy !req
159. You did that, it's your fault!Copy !req
160. I am exiting the scene.Copy !req
161. That was not naturalistic.Copy !req
162. Ah, Mr. Pines.Copy !req
163. Wait! Wait, wait,
wait, wait.Copy !req
164. Wait!Copy !req
165. Ah, Mr. Pines!Copy !req
166. Woof... I mean...Copy !req
167. I'm sorry. I don't believe
we've met before.Copy !req
168. Oh, this is Ronald Pines,
the family lawyer.Copy !req
169. Your dad has asked me
to speak to y'all
on his behalfCopy !req
170. since his condition
has worsened.Copy !req
171. If you'll all be so kind
as to join meCopy !req
172. in the study.Copy !req
173. It's a pleasure
to see you again,
Ms. Barbara.Copy !req
174. It's nice to have the family
back under one roof.Copy !req
175. Would be if it wasn't for
that Yankee jezebel
in our midst.Copy !req
176. Now, now, Melinda,
you forget your place.Copy !req
177. She does not have
Buddy's best interest
at heart.Copy !req
178. You can see clear as day
she has eyes for another.Copy !req
179. No, no, Melinda.
There's nothing
between Larry and Rene.Copy !req
180. No, I didn't say nothing
about Larry, did I?Copy !req
181. Excuse me, Ms. Barbara,
I must get back to my chores.Copy !req
182. Pleasure to see you again,
Ms. Barbara.Copy !req
183. It's nice to have the family
back under one roof!Copy !req
184. It would be if it wasn't
for that Yankee Jessabelle
in our midst.Copy !req
185. Now, now, Melinda,
you forget your place.Copy !req
186. She does not have
Buddy's best interests
at heart.Copy !req
187. You can see it clear as day,
she has eyes for another.Copy !req
188. Now, now, Melinda.Copy !req
189. There's nothing
between Larry and Rene.Copy !req
190. No, I didn't say nothing
about Larry, did I?Copy !req
191. Excuse me, Ms. Barbara.
I must get back to my chores.Copy !req
192. Thank you, Barbara.Copy !req
193. Welcome, everyone.Copy !req
194. Now, I'm aware this may be
an uncomfortable meeting.Copy !req
195. But first, I need you all
to sign a copyCopy !req
196. of these documents.Copy !req
197. Oh, oh!Copy !req
198. Now, before Mr. Burgess...Copy !req
199. - Whoa!Copy !req
200. finalizes his will,Copy !req
201. by a show of hands,
which of you would intend toCopy !req
202. sell your share
in Burgess Fine TeaCopy !req
203. after your father has passed?Copy !req
204. Barbara.Copy !req
205. Buddy?Copy !req
206. There it is.Copy !req
207. Shame on the two of you.Copy !req
208. How could you think of
doing that to the workers?Copy !req
209. - Oh!
- Buddy, I do wish you wouldn't
use that kind of language.Copy !req
210. Can you blame him
for being angry?Copy !req
211. He's stuck in that chair
for life.Copy !req
212. All right,
everybody settle down.Copy !req
213. You're upsetting Ruffles.Copy !req
214. Woof.
- Come here, boy.Copy !req
215. Good boy.Copy !req
216. Mr. Burgess has made it clear
he does not want...Copy !req
217. Mr. Burgess has made it clearCopy !req
218. he does not want
the business to be sold.Copy !req
219. So, it seems,
Burgess Fine TeaCopy !req
220. must be inherited
by Larry alone.Copy !req
221. Larry alone?Copy !req
222. All right. We all
just need to cool down.Copy !req
223. Uh, Melinda, bring us
some more of that ice tea.Copy !req
224. Yes, Mr. Larry.Copy !req
225. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
226. There you go.Copy !req
227. I'm gonna need
something stronger than that.Copy !req
228. Melinda, fetch us some beer
from the refrigerator.Copy !req
229. Okay.Copy !req
230. Oh, yes, Mr. Larry.Copy !req
231. Barb, Barb.Copy !req
232. Ooh! Okay.Copy !req
233. Mr. Pines. Mr. Pines!Copy !req
234. Oh! Rene.Copy !req
235. Rene!Copy !req
236. Rene!Copy !req
237. Rene!Copy !req
238. - Rene!
- No!Copy !req
239. - Rene!Copy !req
240. Rene, you really need to...Copy !req
241. Rene, harder!Copy !req
242. If you need me, Mr. Larry...Copy !req
243. Oh, no!Copy !req
244. I'll be... Oh! Whoa!Copy !req
245. Oh! There go my bosoms.Copy !req
246. If you need me, Mr. Larry,
I'll be in the kitchen.Copy !req
247. How is it fair
that Larry gets it all?Copy !req
248. Come on, Buddy.
You're just talking
out your ass.Copy !req
249. Settle down, all of ya,
and drink your beers.Copy !req
250. Ah, nothing like
some cool sipsCopy !req
251. on a hot day.Copy !req
252. Perhaps Pines is right.
He should brew beers.Copy !req
253. All right. We all
just need to be civil
to one another.Copy !req
254. Buddy always gets snippyCopy !req
255. when he's been drinking
on an empty stomach.Copy !req
256. Oh, we could deal with that.Copy !req
257. Uh, Melinda,Copy !req
258. bring us some of that
fine gazpacho.Copy !req
259. Yes, Mr. Larry.Copy !req
260. Enjoy!Copy !req
261. Mmm...Copy !req
262. Well, if you're still hungry
after that,Copy !req
263. Ol' Neighbor Joe
usually passes byCopy !req
264. with something sweet
about now.Copy !req
265. Howdy.Copy !req
266. Who'd like a slice
of my blueberry pie?Copy !req
267. - Oh!Copy !req
268. Buddy?Copy !req
269. Why don't you take
five minutes in the kitchen?Copy !req
270. What you must understand is,Copy !req
271. Mr. Burgess has the interest
of his workers at heart.Copy !req
272. Barb, I know that
you're not happy...Copy !req
273. I know you're not happy
with Daddy's decision,Copy !req
274. but, as his children,Copy !req
275. we must respect his wishes.Copy !req
276. Absolutely agreed!Copy !req
277. Now, I know Buddy can beCopy !req
278. a different...Copy !req
279. Excuse me, Mr. Pines,Copy !req
280. may I speak with you
in the living room?Copy !req
281. Of course.Copy !req
282. After you.Copy !req
283. I'll be back momentarily.Copy !req
284. - Excuse me.Copy !req
285. Oh, Larry, I thought
they'd never leave us alone.Copy !req
286. I don't know what
you're talking about, Rene.Copy !req
287. I'm talking about
you and I, Larry.Copy !req
288. The chemistry between us.Copy !req
289. Keep your voice down.Copy !req
290. That was one night of weaknessCopy !req
291. and I've regretted it
ever since.Copy !req
292. Don't pretend
you don't want to
kiss me, Larry,Copy !req
293. right here on this table.Copy !req
294. Whoa!Copy !req
295. All right.
Careful, careful.Copy !req
296. Kiss me, Larry!Copy !req
297. Oh, Larry!Copy !req
298. You've got
such a gentle touch.Copy !req
299. Rene!Copy !req
300. Keep your voice down.Copy !req
301. - Someone might hear us.
Larry!Copy !req
302. What the Sam hell
is going on in here?Copy !req
303. Barbara, this is not
what it looks like.Copy !req
304. You have no idea
what it looks like.Copy !req
305. I cannot believe
a brother of mineCopy !req
306. would engage in such under...Copy !req
307. Get out of there, Larry.Copy !req
308. All right.Copy !req
309. Whoa!Copy !req
310. Help me, help me.Copy !req
311. Please, Barb,
don't tell anyone
what you just saw.Copy !req
312. Well, seems I have you
over a barrel.Copy !req
313. I can't let Buddy find out.
It'll kill him!Copy !req
314. I'm not gonna tell Buddy.Copy !req
315. Thank you, Barbara.Copy !req
316. As long as you give me
the business.Copy !req
317. I can't do that.
I promised Pa!Copy !req
318. Growl.
- Easy. Easy, Ruffles.Copy !req
319. She's trying to
blackmail you, Larry.Copy !req
320. Stop improvising!Copy !req
321. That is it.
Give me the remote.
You're not playing the dog.Copy !req
322. Stop it.
Give it to me!Copy !req
323. I am doing it!Copy !req
324. Get out!
Fine, I'm going
to the canteen.Copy !req
325. It's real simple, Larry.Copy !req
326. You give me the companyCopy !req
327. and I don't tell Buddy
your dirty little secret.Copy !req
328. What happened to us, Barb?Copy !req
329. Why can't we all be
more like Ruffles?Copy !req
330. He don't ask for nothing.Copy !req
331. Packet of wine gums, please?Copy !req
332. - He ain't greedy.
Family size, please.Copy !req
333. And he don't care about money.Copy !req
334. £3.49?Copy !req
335. What is this, the cinema?Copy !req
336. Absolutely not.
I'll put them back.Copy !req
337. Excuse me, sir,
what have you just put
in your trousers?Copy !req
338. Nothing...
Give me
the wine gums.Copy !req
339. No, no, I just...Copy !req
340. No, no, please!Copy !req
341. Look over there!Copy !req
342. Get back here!Copy !req
343. All right.
I think I lost him.Copy !req
344. Where am I?Copy !req
345. I'm lost.Copy !req
346. Ah, should be safe in here.Copy !req
347. Excuse me.Copy !req
348. - Larry!
- Buddy.Copy !req
349. I've just been
talking to Pa.Copy !req
350. You really are a no good...Copy !req
351. Crap.Copy !req
352. Take it easy, Buddy.Copy !req
353. I didn't know
Pa was going to
leave me in-charge.Copy !req
354. Well, you better go
change his mind.Copy !req
355. - I'm gonna go
pay my respects.
- I'm comin' with you.Copy !req
356. Oh, no.Copy !req
357. Buddy!Copy !req
358. Rene.Copy !req
359. Are you all right?Copy !req
360. Why are you
looking at me like that?Copy !req
361. Oh, it's just the heat.Copy !req
362. Pass me that beer, would you?Copy !req
363. What?Copy !req
364. I said pass me that beer,
would you?Copy !req
365. The bear.Copy !req
366. No, not the bear.Copy !req
367. The beer.Copy !req
368. The bear!Copy !req
369. No, not the bear.Copy !req
370. The beer.Copy !req
371. No, no, that's the bear.
Put that down.Copy !req
372. Pass me the beer.Copy !req
373. The bear!Copy !req
374. No, not the bear!Copy !req
375. The beer!Copy !req
376. The bear!Copy !req
377. Not the bear, the... The...Copy !req
378. The beer.Copy !req
379. - The bear!
- Not the bear, the beer!Copy !req
380. Oh!Copy !req
381. The beard!Copy !req
382. Not the beard, not the beard!Copy !req
383. Lager, lager beer. Lager?Copy !req
384. Larger bear!Copy !req
385. Oh! Larger bear!Copy !req
386. Here you go. A larger bear!Copy !req
387. Thank you.Copy !req
388. Cheers!Copy !req
389. Oh!Copy !req
390. Papa! Oh, Papa, don't go.Copy !req
391. It's all right, Barb.
Everything's
gonna be all right.Copy !req
392. Doesn't look like
he can hold on much longer.Copy !req
393. Oh, he's coughing.
Get him his pills.Copy !req
394. Here you go, Pa.Copy !req
395. Ah!Copy !req
396. - Here's your oxygen, Pa.Copy !req
397. Here you go, Pa...Copy !req
398. You got to
stay with us, Daddy.Copy !req
399. Ol' Neighbor Joe
just made you a pudding.Copy !req
400. This meringue
is lighter than air.Copy !req
401. I feel it's nearly time.Copy !req
402. Oh, Daddy,
you're making me cry.Copy !req
403. Look, Pa,
Ruffles has come
to say goodbye.Copy !req
404. Let me pet him
one last time.Copy !req
405. - Careful, Papa.
- I think I'm going.Copy !req
406. I'm going.Copy !req
407. Hold on, Papa.Copy !req
408. I don't think I can hold on
much longer.Copy !req
409. - I love you, Barbara.
- I love you, Daddy.Copy !req
410. - I love you, Larry.
- I love you, Pa.Copy !req
411. Goodbye, cruel world!Copy !req
412. Thanks, Melinda.Copy !req
413. Mmm.Copy !req
414. It's a shame
it had to work out this way.Copy !req
415. It's going to be
all right, Buddy.Copy !req
416. We don't need
Burgess' Fine Tea.Copy !req
417. We have each other.Copy !req
418. I just never catch a break.Copy !req
419. First my accident
and now this.Copy !req
420. Buddy, I ain't never seen you
cry like this before.Copy !req
421. Papa has passed.Copy !req
422. I'm so sorry.
I'll leave you all alone.Copy !req
423. Larry, if you want to
swing by my office
to go over the papers.Copy !req
424. You know, Buddy, I saw
the funniest thing
in the study this afternoon.Copy !req
425. Actually, Mr. Pines...Copy !req
426. I won't be stopping by.Copy !req
427. - You won't?
- No.Copy !req
428. I want to sign over
control of the companyCopy !req
429. - to Barbara?
- What?Copy !req
430. To Barbara?Copy !req
431. If you have the papers,
I'll sign them now.Copy !req
432. Larry, are you sure?Copy !req
433. There's no other way.Copy !req
434. All right.Copy !req
435. Sign here.Copy !req
436. And here.Copy !req
437. And on the reverse.Copy !req
438. There.Copy !req
439. I'll have these papers filed
right away.Copy !req
440. Good day, y'all.Copy !req
441. I'll walk you
to your car, Mr. Pines.Copy !req
442. I can't believe
you've just done that.Copy !req
443. I've done it for you, Buddy.Copy !req
444. It's true.Copy !req
445. If Larry hadn't signed
those papers,Copy !req
446. I'd have told you all about
his affair with Rene.Copy !req
447. Barbara, you've played me.Copy !req
448. - Like a game of craps.Copy !req
449. Anyhow, I'd love to stay
and talk,Copy !req
450. but we have to get back
to Connecticut.Copy !req
451. Ain't that right, Rene?Copy !req
452. That's right, Barbara.Copy !req
453. Sorry, Buddy.Copy !req
454. Rene! How can you
do this to me?Copy !req
455. Woof, woof, woof.Copy !req
456. - I've got some
thoughts on this.
- No, you don't!Copy !req
457. You two played me
from the start.Copy !req
458. Oh, sorry, Larry.Copy !req
459. Come on, sweetie.Copy !req
460. Let's get out of here.Copy !req
461. Buddy, I am so sorry.Copy !req
462. Pa is gone.Copy !req
463. There's nothing left
for us here.Copy !req
464. Buddy. Buddy, wait.Copy !req
465. Well, I guess it's just
you and me now, Ruffles.Copy !req
466. Indeed it is, Larry.Copy !req
467. And there is much
I need to say.Copy !req
468. - Why must...
Excuse me, sir.Copy !req
469. Cornley Police.
Can I have a word?Copy !req
470. What?Copy !req
471. We've had
a report of a man matching
your description shoplifting.Copy !req
472. Would you
come with us, please?Copy !req
473. It was Chris.
He told me to do it.Copy !req
474. Can we help you?Copy !req
475. Is this man
working under
your instructions, sir?Copy !req
476. Of course.
I'm the director.Copy !req
477. Right,
you're under arrest.Copy !req
478. Hey, what are you doing?Copy !req
479. Oh, microphone
is still on.Copy !req
480. Uh, the dog's dead.Copy !req
481. Ruffles?Copy !req
482. Ruffles?Copy !req
483. Ruffles, no!Copy !req