1. Welcome back
to Play of the Week,Copy !req
2. where each week
a new play is performed liveCopy !req
3. in front of a studio audience,
here in CornleyCopy !req
4. and broadcast to the nation.Copy !req
5. I am Chris Bean,
the Director.Copy !req
6. This episode is
a World War II spy thriller.Copy !req
7. A play not often performed,Copy !req
8. due to what critics calledCopy !req
9. offensive historical
inaccuracies,Copy !req
10. caused by the author's
lazy research.Copy !req
11. I am delighted to sayCopy !req
12. we will be joined by
a special guest star
this evening.Copy !req
13. My father, Raymond BeanCopy !req
14. has taken the time out
of his busy scheduleCopy !req
15. of writing letters
of complaint to The Guardian,Copy !req
16. to play the part
of Randolph Wycombe.Copy !req
17. He is currently running lateCopy !req
18. but one of our other actors
has stepped inCopy !req
19. for the meantime
and we will proceed.Copy !req
20. This episode is "The Pilot."Copy !req
21. It's not the pilot episode,
it's an episode about a pilot.Copy !req
22. So, I suppose it is
technically a pilot episode,Copy !req
23. though it is not
the pilot episode,Copy !req
24. though it is called
"The Pilot."Copy !req
25. So, now everything's clear!Copy !req
26. The actors are prepared,Copy !req
27. the stage is set.Copy !req
28. Please enjoy The Pilot,
not the pilot.Copy !req
29. Seven... Four... Nine. Test.Copy !req
30. Nothing yet, Lieutenant.Copy !req
31. Six damn months, Val.Copy !req
32. Six months working
with the most advanced
technology available to manCopy !req
33. and we're no closer
to cracking the German code.Copy !req
34. Argh!Copy !req
35. You all right?Copy !req
36. It's my leg again.Copy !req
37. Damned embarrassing
getting shot downCopy !req
38. on my first flightCopy !req
39. and look what
I've got to show for it.Copy !req
40. You mustn't worry, Rufus.Copy !req
41. I don't care one jot
about appearances.Copy !req
42. My old kite, Dorothy'sCopy !req
43. sat out there on the runwayCopy !req
44. gathering dust.Copy !req
45. I'm stuck here,
unable to even walk.Copy !req
46. You really ought to take
some leave, Lieutenant,Copy !req
47. I do worry about you.Copy !req
48. You do?Copy !req
49. Ah, Ms. LeClaire.Copy !req
50. Bonjour, cherie.Copy !req
51. Any luck with
the latest transmission?Copy !req
52. It, um, bibliotheque.Copy !req
53. All right.Copy !req
54. E.T.M: Beep.Copy !req
55. Incoming telegram.Copy !req
56. E.T.M: Vim vim vim
vim vim vim vim.Copy !req
57. It's from Commander Wycombe.Copy !req
58. - Did you get it?
- Yes.Copy !req
59. He's going to call you
directly, Corporal.Copy !req
60. He says he wants
some answers.Copy !req
61. We will crack this code,
we just need more time.Copy !req
62. We must steel ourselves.Copy !req
63. It is as
Monsieur Napoleon said,Copy !req
64. "La mort n'est rien,Copy !req
65. "mais vivre vaincu... Et...Copy !req
66. "Et voulez-vous coucher
avec moi?"Copy !req
67. I'm sorry,
I've let you all down.Copy !req
68. I'm not a codebreaker
any more than I am a pilot.Copy !req
69. I'm heading upstairs
to my quarters.Copy !req
70. Oh, God.Copy !req
71. Rest up.Copy !req
72. I just need a moment
to clear my head.Copy !req
73. Ah, Valerie,Copy !req
74. he is a handsome man, no?Copy !req
75. There's no time
for fraternizingCopy !req
76. at Caraway House,
Ms. LeClair.Copy !req
77. You must put
any personal feelings
you have aside.Copy !req
78. Then so must you.Copy !req
79. I'm sure I don't know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
80. Now, there's a war to be won.Copy !req
81. Look at Adolf Hitler,Copy !req
82. do you know
what he has done?Copy !req
83. He has moved his troopsCopy !req
84. through the Ardennes,Copy !req
85. right into the heart
of France.Copy !req
86. And he'll get
further than thatCopy !req
87. if the rumors
of the mole are true.Copy !req
88. Camille, I won't
tell you again,Copy !req
89. there is no mole.Copy !req
90. The Germans could never
infiltrate Caraway House.Copy !req
91. I hope you are right,
Valerie,Copy !req
92. for all our sakes.Copy !req
93. This is Corporal Sky.Copy !req
94. Sky, this is
Commander Wycombe.Copy !req
95. It's been
too long sweetheart.Copy !req
96. Sir.Copy !req
97. Now, you've been
working on this codeCopy !req
98. for months
and still no success.Copy !req
99. Well, these things
take time, sir.Copy !req
100. Time is the one damn thing
we don't have, Sky.Copy !req
101. I'll be with you at 0700 hoursCopy !req
102. and I expect to be furnishedCopy !req
103. with some good reasonCopy !req
104. as to why I shouldn't close
Caraway House.Copy !req
105. Is that clear?Copy !req
106. - Yes, sir.
- Now, take down
my aircraft security clearance.Copy !req
107. Alpha, Charlie, one, nine,Copy !req
108. two, nine...Copy !req
109. Thank you.Copy !req
110. Alpha, Charlie, one,
nine, two, nine, Foxtrot.Copy !req
111. - Have you got that down?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
112. - Send me through
your co-ordinates.
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
113. By telegram.Copy !req
114. Over and out.Copy !req
115. Goodbye, sir.Copy !req
116. - Hello.
- Goodbye.Copy !req
117. - Who was that?
- Wycombe.Copy !req
118. He's flying over,Copy !req
119. he'll be here soon.Copy !req
120. Why must headquarters
always interfere?Copy !req
121. I'm sending through
our co-ordinates.Copy !req
122. He threatened to close Ca...Copy !req
123. Buzz.Copy !req
124. He threatened to close
Caraway HouseCopy !req
125. You and Wycombe,
you have history, no?Copy !req
126. Perhaps you can
persuade himCopy !req
127. to give us more time?Copy !req
128. I don't like
what you're suggesting,
Ms. LeClaire.Copy !req
129. Well, do you want him
to close us down?Copy !req
130. He won't shut us down,
I have an idea.Copy !req
131. What?Copy !req
132. Where's that
transcribed message
from this morning?Copy !req
133. Here.Copy !req
134. This message ends
with two words,Copy !req
135. four characters then...Copy !req
136. Four characters then...
Stop it.Copy !req
137. Four... Four characters
then six.Copy !req
138. As did the transcribed
message from the 11th.Copy !req
139. If we assume
these two words
are the sameCopy !req
140. then bang...Copy !req
141. Argh!Copy !req
142. we have our key.Copy !req
143. We just need to know
what the German radio op
signed off with.Copy !req
144. What would
any German radio operator
sign off with?Copy !req
145. Heil Hitler.Copy !req
146. That's it, Val.Copy !req
147. I'll plug that
into the machine.Copy !req
148. Oh, this is brilliant.Copy !req
149. You are brilliant,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
150. Let's get to work.Copy !req
151. Anything yet, Lieutenant?Copy !req
152. Still processing.Copy !req
153. She just needs
a few more minutesCopy !req
154. and we'll know
if we've crackedCopy !req
155. the German code.Copy !req
156. E.T.M: Beep.Copy !req
157. Incoming telegram,
must be from Wycombe.Copy !req
158. Vim vim vim
vim vim vim vim.Copy !req
159. Wycombe is a spy.Copy !req
160. No, that's not for now.Copy !req
161. There's another message.Copy !req
162. E.T.M: Vim vim vim vim
vim vim vim vim vim vim.Copy !req
163. The German's
didn't attack Plymouth,Copy !req
164. there must a spy at...Copy !req
165. No, that's not the message.Copy !req
166. E.T.M: Vim vim vim vim
vim vim vim.Copy !req
167. - The war is over.
- No, it isn't!Copy !req
168. Try again.Copy !req
169. E.T.M: Vim vim vim
vim vim vim vim vim?Copy !req
170. Oh, Wycombe
is about to arrive.Copy !req
171. Right, good,
we already knew that.Copy !req
172. We mustn't waste any time.Copy !req
173. We already have.Copy !req
174. Look, I can see his plane.Copy !req
175. Attention!Copy !req
176. Good to see you again,
Valerie,Copy !req
177. it's been too long.Copy !req
178. Commander.Copy !req
179. Oh, come on, Val,Copy !req
180. don't tell me
you've forgotten the time
we spent in Monaco.Copy !req
181. Bosch!Copy !req
182. No, sir.Copy !req
183. Good to have you with us,
Wing Commander,Copy !req
184. may I take your bag?Copy !req
185. No...Copy !req
186. Yes, I've been carrying it
around all day.Copy !req
187. You have arrivedCopy !req
188. at a very exciting time,
Commander.Copy !req
189. We believe
we are on the verge
of a big discovery.Copy !req
190. Well, you've all been given
too much slack here.Copy !req
191. Come on!
Oh, crap. Come on.Copy !req
192. I'm all right.Copy !req
193. So, this is the machineCopy !req
194. that cost King Henry VIIICopy !req
195. one hundred thousand pounds.Copy !req
196. She contains components
from all the allied countries.Copy !req
197. Over 4,000 connections
a second.Copy !req
198. Isn't she magnificent?Copy !req
199. This is a complete waste
of time and resources.Copy !req
200. I am shutting
this operation down
right now!Copy !req
201. - She's done it.
- Done what?Copy !req
202. Deciphered the code.
She works!Copy !req
203. Camille, you speak
the best German.Copy !req
204. Neunundneunzig luftballons.Copy !req
205. Oh, there's going to be
an attack on Plymouth tonight.Copy !req
206. My God, call that
into HQ right now.Copy !req
207. This is Lieutenant Heal
radioing from Ca...Copy !req
208. From Caraway House.Copy !req
209. Report...Copy !req
210. Report of
a German air attack
on Plymouth tonight.Copy !req
211. Advise Fighter CommandCopy !req
212. to scramble
to defensive positions.Copy !req
213. Message received
loud and clear.Copy !req
214. It's done.Copy !req
215. Congratulations, everyone.Copy !req
216. Well, let's not get
carried away.Copy !req
217. Never forget thatCopy !req
218. Germany and England
are still very much at war.Copy !req
219. It's true,Copy !req
220. Churchill would never let
his guard downCopy !req
221. and nor can we.Copy !req
222. But you've all worked
through the night.Copy !req
223. Let's take two hours rest
and we'll reconveneCopy !req
224. at zero nine one zero,Copy !req
225. zero nine one zero
nine hundred and...Copy !req
226. Zero... Ten past nine.Copy !req
227. And Sky,Copy !req
228. I'd like a word with you
after my shower.Copy !req
229. Yes, sir.Copy !req
230. - And Heal...
- Sir?Copy !req
231. I underestimated you.Copy !req
232. I can't believe you did it.Copy !req
233. We all did it, Camille.Copy !req
234. Oh, you are modest.Copy !req
235. Thanks to you
we could winCopy !req
236. the Vietnam WarCopy !req
237. and liberate my homeland.Copy !req
238. I am so very grateful to you
for what you have done.Copy !req
239. No, not yet.Copy !req
240. Really, Camille,Copy !req
241. I couldn't have done it
without you and Val.Copy !req
242. And we would have
been lost without you.Copy !req
243. No!Copy !req
244. I may no longer
be able to fightCopy !req
245. but I'll do whatever I can.Copy !req
246. You are a brave man.Copy !req
247. - Now.
- Hmm?Copy !req
248. No, Ms. LeClair, I cannot.Copy !req
249. I see.Copy !req
250. It is Valerie for whom
your heart beats, no?Copy !req
251. - Perhaps
- Hmm.Copy !req
252. It is as we French say,Copy !req
253. se prendre une...Copy !req
254. Frere Jacques...Copy !req
255. Dormez vous...Copy !req
256. Sonnez les matines.Copy !req
257. Ding, dang, dong.Copy !req
258. Oh!Copy !req
259. I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to interrupt.Copy !req
260. Uh, no,Copy !req
261. I was just heading upstairs
to my quarters.Copy !req
262. And I was heading up to mine.Copy !req
263. Get the door. Get the door.Copy !req
264. All right,
pull me in.Copy !req
265. Sky, pass me another towel,
would you?Copy !req
266. There's a good girl.Copy !req
267. Sir.Copy !req
268. Damn fine shower.Copy !req
269. Much obliged.Copy !req
270. Tell me honestly Sky,Copy !req
271. do you miss what we had?Copy !req
272. I know I do.Copy !req
273. Please, I was just sport
to you.Copy !req
274. Oh, but the nights of passion.Copy !req
275. Come on, Val,Copy !req
276. don't tell me
you've forgotten these...Copy !req
277. Bosch!Copy !req
278. Please, Wing Commander.Copy !req
279. Oh, let your
guard down, Val.Copy !req
280. We're all alone.Copy !req
281. Nobody can see us.Copy !req
282. Let's not waste
any more time, Sky.Copy !req
283. Kiss me.Copy !req
284. No, Commander.Copy !req
285. Tell me you don't want me
right now.Copy !req
286. Oh!Copy !req
287. This is our chance.Copy !req
288. You can stop pretending, Sky.Copy !req
289. You're a woman
with woman's needs,Copy !req
290. don't tell me
you're not temptedCopy !req
291. by my steely body.Copy !req
292. Huh!Copy !req
293. Admit it, you can't resist.Copy !req
294. I can and I will.Copy !req
295. You can run away
from me, Val,Copy !req
296. but you can't run away
from how you feel.Copy !req
297. I really must be
getting back to my quarters.Copy !req
298. She'll be back.Copy !req
299. They always come back.Copy !req
300. E.T.M: Beep!Copy !req
301. Telegram.Copy !req
302. Oh, about time.Copy !req
303. E.T.M: Vim vim vim
vim vim vim vim.Copy !req
304. Vim vim vim vim vimCopy !req
305. vim vim vim vim vim
vim vim vim vim vim vim.Copy !req
306. Out of paper.Copy !req
307. Vim vim vim vim vim
vim vim vim vim vim.Copy !req
308. Low on ink.Copy !req
309. Vim vim vim vim
vim vim vim vim vim vim.Copy !req
310. - How do you spell Plymouth?
- It doesn't matter!Copy !req
311. Vim vim vim vim
vim vim vim.Copy !req
312. Good lord!Copy !req
313. The Germans
didn't attack Plimmley-moothCopy !req
314. They must have known
we were ready for them.Copy !req
315. But you know what that means.Copy !req
316. You were right,Copy !req
317. there's a German mole
at Caraway HouseCopy !req
318. Perhaps the place is bugged?Copy !req
319. Hidden microphones?Copy !req
320. Here? Impossible.Copy !req
321. High command
are sending down...Copy !req
322. Moncrieffe.Copy !req
323. Moncrieffe!Copy !req
324. The spy hunter.Copy !req
325. No one leaves this room
until he arrives.Copy !req
326. Talk of the spy hunter's
imminent arrivalCopy !req
327. caused tension
among the team.Copy !req
328. Someone at Caraway
was a traitor.Copy !req
329. Could it be Valerie,
Rufus, Camille?Copy !req
330. With every hour that passed,Copy !req
331. the situation grew
more tense.Copy !req
332. I can't believe the Jerrys
are onto us.Copy !req
333. All that work,
all that secrecyCopy !req
334. and one of our inner circle
has betrayed us.Copy !req
335. It's so embarrassing.Copy !req
336. Churchill would never
get caughtCopy !req
337. with his trousers
down like this.Copy !req
338. - You were supposed to freeze it.
- Big thighs...Copy !req
339. Sorry, we were just
refitting the trousers.Copy !req
340. Just stand away
from the window!Copy !req
341. Mine need refitting too.Copy !req
342. Get off, just get off!Copy !req
343. Chris, that tone
is exactly whyCopy !req
344. everyone said
you should play Hitler.Copy !req
345. Get out!Copy !req
346. Right.Copy !req
347. Churchill would
never get caughtCopy !req
348. with his trousers
down like this.Copy !req
349. - I'd have to...Copy !req
350. Just lending them mine.Copy !req
351. - Shall I take mine off too?
- No!Copy !req
352. Our efforts
haven't been wasted, Rufus.Copy !req
353. They knew we were ready
for them at PlymouthCopy !req
354. but they may not know
we've broken the code.Copy !req
355. You're right, and look,Copy !req
356. - here comes Moncrieffe.Copy !req
357. - I'll do one more...
- Thank God you're here!Copy !req
358. Lionel Moncrieffe,Copy !req
359. spy catcher.Copy !req
360. I shall begin
my interrogations immediately.Copy !req
361. Excellent, I must be
getting back to headquarters.Copy !req
362. Nobody leavesCopy !req
363. until the spy is caught.Copy !req
364. You first, Lieutenant.Copy !req
365. Lieutenant Rufus James Heal.Copy !req
366. I've looked through
your file.Copy !req
367. Impressive.Copy !req
368. Now, this is a polygraph.Copy !req
369. The latest technology
from the Americans.Copy !req
370. It detects the most minute
electrical signals,Copy !req
371. so I'll know
if you're lying.Copy !req
372. Let's begin.Copy !req
373. - Where are you from.
Lieutenant?
- Harrow.Copy !req
374. - Correct.Copy !req
375. And your family,
were they British?Copy !req
376. Yes.Copy !req
377. - Lies!Copy !req
378. - It, it can't be.
- I... I'm not...Copy !req
379. Are either of
your parents Germans?Copy !req
380. Are either of
your parents Germans?Copy !req
381. Are either... Are either
of your parents Germans?Copy !req
382. Yes! Yes, all right,Copy !req
383. my mother was German bornCopy !req
384. but she moved here
when she was a child.Copy !req
385. She's as British as you or I.Copy !req
386. Oh, Rufus.Copy !req
387. You falsified your papers.Copy !req
388. Of course, they wouldn't
have let me fight otherwise.Copy !req
389. Don't raise your voice to me.Copy !req
390. I'm not the spy.
Does that pass your damn test?Copy !req
391. To hell with the test.Copy !req
392. I don't trust you.Copy !req
393. I'm handcuffing myself
to youCopy !req
394. until I'm convinced
that you have
nothing left to hide.Copy !req
395. This man is clearly the mole,Copy !req
396. and I have him trapped.Copy !req
397. Whoa!Copy !req
398. Well done, Moncrieffe.Copy !req
399. Now that's all solved
I'll get back to HQ.Copy !req
400. E.T.M: Beep!Copy !req
401. Telegram!Copy !req
402. Vim vim vim vim vim vim.Copy !req
403. Wait!Copy !req
404. HQ is infiltrated.Copy !req
405. Camille is the spy.Copy !req
406. No, she isn't.Copy !req
407. Are there any
other telegrams from HQ?Copy !req
408. Erm, vim vim vim vim vim?Copy !req
409. Val is the spy.Copy !req
410. No.Copy !req
411. Not Val.Copy !req
412. Vim?Copy !req
413. How could it be you?Copy !req
414. You're a machine!Copy !req
415. Is it you?Copy !req
416. - No!
- Is it Rufus?Copy !req
417. I am Rufus!Copy !req
418. I thought you were Hitler.Copy !req
419. No!Copy !req
420. So, who is it then?Copy !req
421. Wycombe!Copy !req
422. - Who's Wycombe?
- She's Wycombe!Copy !req
423. I thought your dad
was Wycombe.Copy !req
424. No, because he's
not here, is he?Copy !req
425. Oh, hi, Chris.Copy !req
426. It's too bloody late now,
Dad, get out!Copy !req
427. It's an air raid.Copy !req
428. - It's an air raid!Copy !req
429. I can see a German plane
right overhead.Copy !req
430. Where's Wycombe?Copy !req
431. He's run away, look,Copy !req
432. the door is wide open.Copy !req
433. Argh!Copy !req
434. That plane's not a bomber,Copy !req
435. it's a fighter.Copy !req
436. Looks like an escort.Copy !req
437. Ha!Copy !req
438. It's Wycombe in that plane.Copy !req
439. We mustn't let him get away.Copy !req
440. But who'll catch him?Copy !req
441. Dorothy will.Copy !req
442. I can't fly Dorothy,
not without my leg.Copy !req
443. I believe you can.Copy !req
444. Petit Filous.Copy !req
445. All right.Copy !req
446. I'll see you
on the other side.Copy !req
447. Good luck, Rufus.Copy !req
448. I'm most pleased
you'll be returnedCopy !req
449. to the fatherland
Heir Wycombe.Copy !req
450. There is a warm welcome
for you waiting in Berlin.Copy !req
451. As long as I get
my money, I'll be happy.Copy !req
452. Good Lord, what the devil
is that?Copy !req
453. Wait, wait I'm not ready.Copy !req
454. I'm not set yet...
Ahhh!Copy !req
455. - It's the Brit!
- Open fire.Copy !req
456. Help me.Copy !req
457. Damn it, we'll lose him
in the clouds!Copy !req
458. He's totally fearless!Copy !req
459. I have never seen
such skill.Copy !req
460. Oh, God.Copy !req
461. I think we've lost him.Copy !req
462. Mayday, mayday,
we're going down.Copy !req
463. Ahhh, I'm going to be sick.Copy !req
464. I did it, I'm coming home.Copy !req
465. E.T.M: Vim vim
vim vim vim.Copy !req
466. - It's dark...
- The war is over.Copy !req
467. I'm sure you and Rufus
will be very happy together.Copy !req
468. Oh, Valerie,Copy !req
469. the Lieutenant
only has eyes for you.Copy !req
470. It is as the Spanish say...Copy !req
471. Ah!Copy !req
472. La la la la la la Bamba.Copy !req
473. Val, Camille, look!Copy !req
474. There's a visitor here
to see us.Copy !req
475. Mr. Churchill!Copy !req
476. I wanted to comeCopy !req
477. and express
my gratitude personallyCopy !req
478. by giving you this.Copy !req
479. Mmm. Ah!Copy !req
480. You've done something
truly remarkable, Heal.Copy !req
481. No-one will ever forget
the 19th of February 1961.Copy !req
482. The day Hitler was shot down
in a plane over Devon.Copy !req
483. Congratulations, Lieutenant,Copy !req
484. or should I say...Copy !req
485. The King.Copy !req
486. Oh, Rufus.Copy !req
487. Thank you, Prime Minister.Copy !req
488. Thank you, Your Majesty.Copy !req
489. You really are
a damn fine pilot.Copy !req
490. Valerie,Copy !req
491. would you accompany me
to dinner tonight?Copy !req
492. I'd be delighted.Copy !req
493. Perhaps you'd all care
to dine with me tonight
at number six?Copy !req
494. It would be an honor.Copy !req
495. Thank you, Prime Minister.Copy !req
496. Bon.Copy !req
497. Vim.Copy !req
498. You've all certainly made
Winston Churchill very proud.Copy !req
499. Except,Copy !req
500. I'm not the real
Winston Churchill.Copy !req
501. I'm...Copy !req
502. I'm not the real
Winston Churchill,Copy !req
503. I'm... I'm... Nein,Copy !req
504. I'm not the real
Winston.Copy !req
505. I'm not the real,Copy !req
506. I'm not the real
Winston Church...Copy !req
507. I'm Winston Churchill.Copy !req