The Garfield Show 1x37

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Garfield is enrolled on the Dr. Whipple's Pet obedience course after Jon secretly tapes him misbehaving, but Garfield eventually discovers the doctor as a sham artist fraudulently using his course to launder money for himself; the doctor is then ruined when Garfield sneaks a microphone backstage as the Doctor says the public is stupid.

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1. - "Kick puppy off table," check.

2. "Eating Jon's lunch for him," check.

3. "Shred new drapes."

4. Check.

5. Okay, that's everything on my to-do list for today.

6. Huh?

7. Here, please send this off.

8. In case you're wondering,

9. I just sent that DVD I made of you misbehaving to Dr. Whipple.

10. No! Not Dr. Whipple!

11. I want to watch a really mindless game show

12. featuring people dressed up as large chickens.

13. I don't care what you want to watch, we're going to watch Dr. Whipple.

14. As you know, I specialize in teaching obedience to pets,

15. especially cats who don't know how to behave

16. and are lazy, rude and impossible.

17. I hear there are such cats.

18. Yesterday on this show,

19. I showed you one of the worst-behaved cats I've ever come across.

20. Here's tape of how Kittykins used to be.

21. Seems like my kind of guy.

22. In fact, Kittykins looks kind of familiar.

23. Since then, I have put Kittykins

24. through my no-fail, guaranteed pet obedience training...

25. and here he is.

26. Ahem! Kittykins, would you like to chase this bird?

27. No.

28. Oh, what a lovely little kitten.

29. You see, you can train your disobedient pet

30. with my exclusive line of DVDs, tapes, books, computer software...

31. Don't worry, Garfield.

32. I'm not going to order all that expensive equipment.

33. Good. For a minute there, I thought—

34. Come on in! It's open!

35. Jon, you didn't! You wouldn't! You couldn't!

36. - You did. - Come with me, cat.

37. Farewell, Odie.

38. I'll be back.

39. But I may not be me when I return.

40. - Jon, how could you do this to me? Good morning, cat.

41. If you do as you're told, we can get through this in a hurry.

42. After several hours of my training,

43. you will be a tame, docile cat like Kittykins here.

44. Why does Kittykins look so familiar to me?

45. First training method. The sound chamber.

46. This will instill in you a sense of warning if you misbehave.

47. - Don't scratch! - Don't mistreat puppies...

48. Eat what you've been given.

49. - I'll be back in about an hour. - Oh, no!

50. Alright. It's an hour later.

51. Fine. We're off to a good start.

52. Yecch!

53. This is to break you of your atrocious habit

54. of kicking small puppies off of tables.

55. Whenever you kick the robotic puppy off...

56. Well, just try it and see what happens.

57. - [clang!] - Well, that was easy.

58. I'm not taking this lying down.

59. What?

60. Why, you...

61. I know just how you feel, pal.

62. And now it's time to eat.

63. Why do I feel this is the first time ever I'm not gonna like doing that?

64. Right here is your food...

65. Kitty Krunch dry nuggets, Styrofoam flavor.

66. And here is my dinner,

67. prime rib with mashed potatoes, gravy, creamed corn

68. and apple pie a la mode for dessert.

69. Yum and double yum.

70. You must eat your food and not eat my food.

71. Because do you know what will happen if you try to eat my food?

72. - [slam!] - Ouch! Ouch!

73. That's right. If you try for my food, a half-ton safe will drop on you.

74. So I noticed.

75. - Now, make the correct choice. - [slam!]

76. Cat, every time you reach for the prime rib,

77. the safe will drop on you. Don't you realize this?

78. Then why do you keep reaching for the prime rib?

79. Because it's just the way I like it. Medium rare.

80. Now you've had the complete program.

81. And somehow I survived.

82. You'll be perfectly behaved when we do my TV show in one hour.

83. Oh, that was awful.

84. It was worse than awful; it would have to get better just to be awful.

85. - Hi, Garfield. - Hi, Kittykins.

86. Hey, how do you know my name, Kittykins?

87. Wait! You're Harry, that cat from my neighborhood.

88. That's me.

89. What are you doing pretending to be a tame cat named Kittykins?

90. You're as bad as I am.

91. I got me a job.

92. I pretend to be a successful result of Doc Whipple's training

93. and every day, he pays me my weight in tuna fish.

94. He can afford that?

95. Are you kidding?

96. You know how much this guy makes off these stupid lessons he sells?

97. How much does he make?

98. Enough to pay you your weight in tuna.

99. Well, that's a lot of tuna.

100. Yeah, play along. Help him sell the stuff

101. and you could have the same great job I have.

102. Which would I rather have?

103. My weight in tuna every day? Or my integrity?

104. Oh, these moral decisions are hard.

105. And now, the world's foremost trainer of problem pets, Dr. Whipple!

106. Thank you.

107. Today, you will see the results of my greatest challenge...

108. the worst-behaved cat I'd ever seen, Garfield.

109. I put him through my extreme housebreaking program.

110. And now you will see the results.

111. Garfield?

112. Garfield, do you have any desire to mistreat small puppies?

113. - Impressive.

114. Do you have any desire to steal food or shred drapes?

115. That cat has become so well behaved.

116. We have to order Dr. Whipple's DVDs, tapes and books.

117. But we don't have a cat.

118. Very good, Garfield. Now, is there anything you'd like to do?

119. Yes... This.

120. Catch him!

121. Going down!

122. That cat is not well-behaved!

123. I thought Dr. Whipple had trained him not to do things like that!

124. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I have to go tend to... matters.

125. Got him!

126. Struggle all you want, cat. You ain't getting away.

127. There he is! That cat who's trying to ruin my business.

128. Who, me? Sweet, well-behaved me?

129. But it won't work. The public is too stupid to catch on.

130. So what if my training program doesn't work?

131. They still send me tons of money, those idiots.

132. I got a sweet racket going here and you won't stop me.

133. Dr. Whipple, they're hearing you on national television.

134. They can't hear me. I left my microphone on stage.

135. They can...

136. Do you have any further words for our listening audience, Doctor?

137. You miserable little...

138. I'm taking my cat home, thank you very much.

139. - Right!

140. Thanks for the lessons, Doc!

141. Dr. Whipple! The phone lines are jammed with customers cancelling orders

142. and demanding refunds.

143. Why didn't you teach that cat how to behave?

144. I did. Unfortunately, that's how he behaves.

145. Garfield, I wanted to say again

146. how sorry I am I sent you to that terrible doctor.

147. Oh, I'd say eight more apologies ought to do it.

148. Well, Odie. I'm home and I'm still me.

149. Dr. Whipple didn't whip me into shape the way he wanted.

150. Oh, that reminds me. It's time for his show.

151. The Dr. Whipple Show, normally seen at this time,

152. will never be seen again.

153. This couldn't have gone better.

154. Instead, stay tuned for a really mindless game show

155. featuring people dressed as large chickens.

156. - I was wrong. That's better.

157. Jon's cousin passed away and he left him something in his will.

158. I hope it's edible and there's lots of it.

159. You must be Jon Arbuckle. We've been waiting for you.

160. - Do come in. - Thanks.

161. I'm Mr. Connors.

162. I am the attorney representing the estate of your cousin Ichabod.

163. I hope we're in time. We've been waiting for you.

164. Is Doc Boy here yet?

165. Your brother is waiting for the will.

166. He does ask that people not address him as "Doc Boy."

167. I'll try very hard to respect his wishes.

168. Doc Boy, Doc Boy, Doc Boy!

169. Don't call me Doc Boy!

170. Okay, Doc Boy.

171. That's Jon trying very hard to respect his brother's wishes.

172. Gentlemen. It is sad that your cousin Ichabod has left us.

173. He was the greatest guy in the whole world.

174. He was a prince among men.

175. Did you ever meet him?

176. No. Did you?

177. Your cousin left an estate worth a fortune.

178. He also left his will in the form of this DVD he recorded.

179. He left his will as a DVD?

180. Couldn't we watch cartoons instead?

181. Hello to my relatives.

182. If you're watching this DVD, then I'm gone.

183. But I wanted to make this for you, Jon and Doc Boy.

184. Don't call me Doc Boy!

185. As you probably know, my estate is worth a fortune.

186. Since I never got to meet you,

187. I couldn't decide which one of you should inherit it.

188. How about leaving it to a cat?

189. So I decided to come up with a test,

190. a test to see which of you was the bravest and therefore the most deserving.

191. Some people say my house is haunted.

192. Maybe it is. I want you two to stay here.

193. Whichever of you lasts the longest gets my fortune.

194. The first one to leave is out of the will and he gets nothing!

195. Have a nice night and watch out for ghosts!

196. Those are the terms of the will.

197. Please come with me.

198. You can stay in this room. Jon will be down the hall.

199. He was kidding about this ghost stuff, right?

200. Yeah. We always heard Cousin Ichabod liked playing tricks on people.

201. I'm just the lawyer.

202. I enforce the rules. But, just between us...

203. Even for a million dollars, I wouldn't spend one night in this house!

204. I'm starting to feel that way myself.

205. Well, Jon. Looks like we're really spending the night

206. - in a haunted house.

207. Yeah.

208. Well, at least it isn't dark and all stormy with lightning and thunder.

209. Well, you have a great future as a weatherman on television.

210. Well, maybe we should go to our room.

211. Yeah. Hey, is it okay if Odie keeps me company, Jon?

212. - If he wants. Good night.

213. This is a nice room.

214. We have a nice bed, a private bathroom, a TV set. What more could anyone want?

215. Oh, right. Food.

216. There are scarier things than ghosts. Like lack of dinner.

217. If you want food, Garfield, you have to find it.

218. You mean alone?

219. - What was that?

220. It's you. Hey, don't worry. I'll find some food to put in you.

221. - Did you hear something, Odie? - Uh-huh.

222. There are moments in this world that call for bravery.

223. That was tough but no one will be able to get in here.

224. - Yes, but now no one can get out.

225. There must be a kitchen in this place somewhere.

226. Paws, don't fail me now!

227. Have a nice ride!

228. Oh, my. Where's the room with Jon in it?

229. Hey, mice! Mice like me because I don't eat them.

230. Hey, guys! I'm lost.

231. Could you tell me where the master bedroom is?

232. Or better still, the kitchen?

233. Those aren't mice! Those are bats!

234. I was wrong. You can get out.

235. That's Odie! Odie?

236. - Odie?

237. - Odie?

238. Aaah! Again!

239. I've got to get rid of these bats somehow.

240. If you are looking for that handsome pussycat,

241. he went that way.

242. - I won't hurt you, little dog.

243. - Odie! What are you running from? - That!

244. You know, Odie, that's a very good thing to run from.

245. Watch how I do it.

246. Wait for me!

247. Odie? Garfield? Doc Boy?

248. I think we lost him... for now.

249. But he'll catch us if we... that is, if I don't come up with a brilliant plan.

250. I think I lost them.

251. I bet that's the guy behind all this.

252. - [crash!] - I recognize those sounds of pain.

253. Doc Boy! Are you okay? Doc Boy, speak to me.

254. Oh, poor Doc Boy.

255. Don't call me Doc Boy.

256. Okay, keep it steady, Odie.

257. This is gonna be great.

258. I'm an evil ghost here to scare you.

259. Come on! Be scared. Why aren't you scared?

260. Looks like I'm a naked ghost.

261. Help!

262. You can't get out! You're trapped!

263. There must be something we can do.

264. Huh?

265. Odie! This suit of armor thing! It does everything I do. Watch this.

266. Nowhere to run, no way out.

267. I figured it out, Odie!

268. These are robot ghosts like in an amusement park,

269. all except for this guy, who must be the guy behind it all.

270. He set it up to scare Jon and his brother out of the house

271. so he could keep Cousin Ichabod's fortune.

272. Really?

273. Yeah, I learned this kind of thing watching cartoons on television.

274. And now for the unmasking,

275. it has to be that lawyer guy!

276. Huh?

277. - It can't be! - But it is!

278. Cousin Ichabod!

279. - The reading of the will. - We thought you were gone.

280. Fooled you, didn't I?

281. I couldn't figure out which of you would get my estate

282. so I set this up as a test!

283. - Well, don't keep us in suspense. - Yeah! Who won?

284. Neither of you. You were both too cowardly.

285. I told you, leave everything to a cat.

286. See ya later, cousins!

287. Boy, the looks on your cowardly faces.

288. Watch this.

289. Ugggh!

290. No, it hasn't all been a waste of time

291. because I'm gonna get something useful out of it.

292. Huh?

293. Oh, ooh, a little lower.

294. Ahhh! Wonderful, wonderful. Ooh!

295. This is better than a mansion and a fortune any day.

296. Right there, right there!