The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 2x8

Directed by Ellen Gittelsohn

Vincent Ventresca as Alex • Michael Weiner as Kellogg Lieberbaum • Nia Long as Lisa Wilkes • Queen Latifah as Marissa Redman • Keith Bogart as Jonathan Cartwell

Will hits it off with the full-figured Dee Dee, but her size keeps him from asking her to the dance.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. 'Ah! Ugh!'

2. I can't feel it yet, Philip.

3. Move a little to the right, baby.

4. I'm about to go downstairs to the family room.

5. Gee, I hope there ain't nobody down there gettin' busy.

6. Will, your aunt thought her earring rolled under the couch.

7. Look, man, y'all married, where y'all put y'all earrings

8. is y'all business.

9. - What do you want, Will? - Y'all them two Lakers tickets.

10. You promised me. I'm taking Jazz.

11. No, you're not.

12. I'm giving the other one to one of my client's daughters.

13. Oh, I get it. I get it. I get it. This is a setup, right?

14. Hey, come on, Uncle Phil, no way. I can't let my man down.

15. They're floor seats, center court.

16. You know, come to think of it, I don't even know

17. if Jazz like basketball.

18. Oh, don't try to move the couch, Philip. Just forget the earring.

19. - I can't. - Why not?

20. Because I can't stand up.

21. In theory, that probably means

22. that you can't run, either, right?

23. Which probably makes this a pretty good time to tell you

24. that, um, I wore that earring to school today.

25. Get him, Vivian.

26. Well, Geoffrey, it looks like

27. I'm all ready for the harvest dance.

28. Tux, check, shoes, check

29. and a pure silk, hand-stitched pocket square.

30. Exquisite.

31. Hm.

32. Man. Yo, this is definitely peach season, man.

33. Will, that's disgusting!

34. What?

35. Could you please clean this for me, Geoffrey?

36. I would prefer an assassin's bullet

37. to this kind of living hell.

38. Yo, I think G's drawers must be bunchin' again.

39. So have you got a date to the dance yet?

40. I will when I call Claudia.

41. Claudia? As in head cheerleader?

42. Why don't you just ask Sinead O'Connor?

43. I did, but she had to wash her hair.

44. That's probably your date to the Lakers game.

45. Why don't you just take her to the dance?

46. Wait, wait, wait, wait. First of all, it's not a date.

47. She's comin' to pick up her ticket

48. and then she's gonna go.

49. Man, I'm not down with that blind-date stuff.

50. Every time they get here, they look like...

51. Yo, man. Where's my date?

52. Ms. Denise Williams.

53. Hi. I'm Dee Dee.

54. I can't believe we got center court

55. floor seats to the Lakers game.

56. That's my team. I know they're gonna kick butt tonight.

57. Don't you think?

58. Hello? I know they don't walk in LA.

59. But I at least hoped they talked.

60. I'm-I'm Will, and this is my cousin, Carlton.

61. Hi.

62. Can you do that and walk at the same time?

63. That's darn clever.

64. So, Dee Dee, uh, what school do you go to?

65. - Well, I just moved— - Uh, listen, Dee Dee..

66. You know what, I don't think I'm gonna be able

67. to take you to that game, right, see

68. 'cause I got all this stuff piled

69. in my car, it probably

70. wouldn't be enough room for you.

71. I mean, I mean, I mean, not just you, um, anybody.

72. - What are you talking about? - Um..

73. Our, uh, our blind date to the game.

74. Blind date? No, see, I don't do blind dates.

75. I mean, you think it's gonna be Mr. Right

76. and then it ends up being some tall, skinny guy

77. with big ears and weird clothes.

78. I mean, not just you, anybody.

79. Well, lo-look, here you go. Here's your ticket.

80. Um, hey, maybe I'll see you at the game.

81. You probably will.

82. I'll be the one in the seat next to you

83. shouting my phone number to Magic Johnson.

84. Bye, Carlton. I'll see you later.

85. I hope Magic ate his Wheaties.

86. Okay, here are the files you asked for, sweetheart.

87. Thank you. Um, I need a copy of the Richburg merger.

88. And find out if we got a continuance on the Seger case.

89. Philip, I am tired of this.

90. You're just lying on your back giving orders

91. and I'm doing all the work.

92. Why does this seem so familiar?

93. Well, I-I'm sorry.

94. I was just trying to get a little work done.

95. Philip, Dr. Black said

96. the best thing for you to do is rest.

97. Now if you need anything else, use the intercom.

98. - Ruff! - Oh..

99. - Yo, what's up, Uncle Phil? - Hey. Unh.

100. Hey, yo, the game was live, man.

101. - The Sixers crushed the Lakers. - Uh..

102. I never heard so much rough language in my life.

103. - Was Dee Dee offended? - No.

104. Only when they told her to shut up.

105. Well, you know, Dee Dee is real cool, though, man.

106. She's gonna come over tomorrow. We gonna listen to some tapes.

107. Uh-huh, sounds like you two are gettin' along.

108. Why don't you ask her to the dance?

109. You're-you're clowning me, right, Uncle Phil?

110. - Oh.. - No, look, man.

111. I'm tellin', you know, Dee Dee

112. is real down and everything

113. but you know how it would be to take somebody

114. to the dance that's real big.

115. On sports. You big.. Yeah.

116. Well, look, I already asked Claudia anyway, um, almost.

117. 'Oh.'

118. - Hi, daddy. - Hi, baby.

119. - I came to keep you company. - Oh..

120. - Where's the remote? - Ow. Darling.

121. There's nothing on TV to stimulate the intelligent mind.

122. Oh, Uncle Phil, you must be trippin', man.

123. This is the episode of "Star Trek"

124. where Captain Kirk sleeps with that green girl.

125. Will, that is such worthless drivel.

126. Oh, look! The home shopper's channel.

127. (man on TV) 'So with the sandwich king, all you need'

128. 'is two pieces of white bread'

129. 'and a can of delicious chili.'

130. 'And in less than a minute'

131. 'you have a mouth-watering chili pocket.'

132. 'You gourmets may wanna squirt a little cheese on top.'

133. Yuck, man, I ain't heard nothing that disgusting

134. since Clarence Thomas found that hair on his cola.

135. 'Look, Will, you are entitled to your opinion'

136. but the best movie ever made was not "Cleopatra Jones."

137. - It was "Casablanca." - Oh, please!

138. Here you have a movie set in Africa.

139. There's only one brother in the whole thing

140. and he from Detroit.

141. Okay, okay, okay, but you know a movie I really like?

142. - 'What?' - "Shaft."

143. Shut your mouth.

144. I'm talking about "Shaft."

145. Then we can dig it.

146. He's a complicated man

147. but no one understands him but his woman.

148. John Shaft.

149. Thanks a lot, G.

150. - Ha! - Ha!

151. Hey. What's up, G? You don't think that's funny?

152. Oh, yes. I'm about to laugh myself into a seizure.

153. This is just fine and dandy. The cleaners shrunk my tux.

154. Oh, Carlton, man, you can wear that, just put it on and say

155. "Boss, da plane, da plane!"

156. Why don't you just rent a tux?

157. Oh, great. Wear used clothes.

158. Why don't I just go pitch a tent under a freeway

159. and eat cold beans with a stick?

160. It's-it's just a dance!

161. But I heard the music is gonna be bumpin'.

162. It's probably gonna be a lot of fun.

163. - Yeah. But— - Hm.

164. But you know, I mean, I've-I've, uh, I've already asked Claudia.

165. - Almost. - Oh, yeah. Right. Cool.

166. Well, you know, see, I'm-I'm still trying

167. to get my rap together. I got as far as..

168. Look, I don't mean to butt in, but I'm sure her name is not yo

169. and I know she ain't got your baby.

170. I mean, why don't you try somethin' more honest like..

171. "I think you're great.

172. I'd be honored if you'd go to the dance with me."

173. Honest. Damn, what a concept. You know, thank you.

174. See, you know what? Most women won't tell you stuff like that.

175. That's cool, you know..

176. No, really. You're different.

177. You know, I mean, you're not afraid

178. to just say what you think, you know

179. or-or do something silly or-or, you know, just bug out.

180. That's decent.

181. I mean, you-you make me feel so, man, I don't know.

182. You're just, you're so..

183. so hungry.

184. Hungry is what you make me feel.

185. Yeah, yeah, man.

186. Oh, I-I could go for a nacho refill, right? Yeah?

187. Um, right, I'mma, I'mma make this call

188. to Claudia first, though, right, you know?

189. I mean, I don't wanna forget what you said.

190. Honest, right?

191. Honest...

192. There is a hex on me, all the tuxes

193. that are halfway acceptable in this town have been rented.

194. My shoes, which I put outside for a final Scotch-guarding

195. were carried off by a Labrador retriever.

196. What else could go wrong?

197. How about that big old zit on your nose?

198. Aah.

199. Hey, look, I'm finished with my hoagie, Aunt Viv.

200. I'mma go meet Dee Dee for a pizza.

201. Dee Dee? Oh, is that who you're taking to the dance?

202. Oh, no, no, no, Aunt Viv.

203. See, it's not like that with me and Dee Dee.

204. We're just buddies.

205. I'm going with Claudia Prescott.

206. Mm! That girl built to take all my money.

207. Hm, I like Dee Dee. She's fun.

208. And she's cute, but I'm worried about her cholesterol level.

209. - Alright, I'll see y'all later. - 'Okay.'

210. - My man Will. - 'Ah, Ty.'

211. - What's up, baby? - What up, man?

212. Uh, Dee Dee, I'd like you to meet my friend, Ty.

213. Oh, my sister, how you doin'?

214. Alright, Will, check it out. Let me go grab my order pad.

215. - And I'll hook y'all up. - Alright, baby.

216. Yo, bro!

217. Kellogg Lieberbaum, yo.

218. This is my man, cornflake.

219. Will, aren't you gonna introduce us to your date?

220. Uh, this is my friend, Dee Dee.

221. And, Dee Dee, meet the brat pack.

222. - Hi. - Hi.

223. Um, excuse me while I go to, uh

224. to, um..

225. Oh, hell, I'm going to the bathroom.

226. Good work, bro. She's quite a fly sister.

227. Yeah, and I bet she's tons of fun.

228. Hey, you know what, as a matter of fact, she is.

229. Hey, good honey is hard to find.

230. Of course, uh, that one would be hard to lose.

231. Uh, cornflake, remind me to talk about them guys' mothers

232. when we get to school on Monday.

233. Yo, um, Ty, give me a large pepperoni and two colas.

234. Uh-huh, so we got your date covered. What you havin'?

235. Hey, look, Ty, come on, please. Don't even start.

236. - That is my friend! That's it. - 'Well..'

237. Alright, alright, alright, cool out, man, you know

238. 'cause it ain't my fault the babe's got more buns

239. than a day-old bakery. That's all I'm sayin'.

240. Oh, now hold on, hold on, hold on.

241. - Now how you trying to play me? - 'Nah, I..'

242. 'Now, you've seen the honeys that I had up in here.'

243. That's right, I can't figure out

244. how a brother goes from T-bone to rump roast.

245. - That's all. - Man, give me some credit, man.

246. That girl was not my girlfriend.

247. I'm not your friend, either.

248. Hey, Dee Dee. Hey, this is Will. Pick up that phone, girl.

249. Hey, Dee Dee, I ain't playin', pick up the phone.

250. Hey, Dee Dee, if you don't pick up that phone

251. I'm gonna have to

252. call you back.

253. And I ain't afraid to do it, neither.

254. Look, Dee Dee, I'm sorry about yesterday. I was trippin'.

255. I'll call you back later. Bye.

256. You know, I don't even know why I'm making a big deal

257. about this. She's not even my type.

258. Well, you like the same movies, the same music

259. same food, same jokes

260. and you both enjoy sticking straws up your noses.

261. I know, Aunt Viv, but other than that

262. we don't have nothin' in common.

263. It's her weight, isn't it?

264. You may have noticed that your Uncle Philip is overweight.

265. And you may also have noticed that I could care less

266. and that I love him very, very much.

267. Dad changed his mind. He doesn't want a Belgian waffle.

268. He wants you to use his new sandwich king

269. to make a chili pocket sandwich.

270. I'll put some chili in his pocket.

271. Dee Dee?

272. Hold on.

273. It's for you, man.

274. Hello? Oh, hi, Kelly.

275. All ready for tomorrow night's bigsoiree?

276. What do you mean you can't go?

277. What kind of medical reason?

278. A pimple?

279. Kelly, that's no reason to stay home.

280. Look, I have a pimple. Actually, I have two.

281. Hello?

282. That's it. My life is cursed.

283. No tux, no shoes, no date.

284. Okay, okay, don't panic.

285. There's got to be someone I can call.

286. But what kind of girl is sitting home without a date

287. for a Saturday night? Oh!

288. A great girl.

289. So anyway, Tiffany and Nikka and I

290. walk into the yacht club

291. and we're the only ones in white.

292. So Tiffany says, "Oh, my God, it's the day after Labor Day."

293. And we just all wanted to die.

294. And that's a true story.

295. Wow, have you sold the movie rights yet?

296. I don't get it.

297. Oh, look, here comes Carlton. Oh.

298. Come on in, sir. You look cool, man.

299. Well, maybe you're right.

300. I probably don't look as bad as I think, huh?

301. No, you got a sort of a, uh, Lou Rawls thing

302. goin' there, man.

303. Yes, Carlton, you do look topnotch

304. I must say so. Honestly.

305. Will, if he sits with us, I'm leaving.

306. Oh, Claudia, what are you talkin' about? That's my cousin.

307. Ooh..

308. Well, it ain't like we brothers or nothin'. Beat it, C.

309. Hey, Carlton.

310. Great minds think alike, huh?

311. I wonder if you could hang yourself with a cummerbund.

312. (man on TV) 'Next to your faithful dog'

313. 'this Prince Albert pants presser'

314. 'is a man's best friend.'

315. 'For just 39.95'

316. 'your creases will be the talk of the town.'

317. Darn, that's what I should have ordered

318. instead of that pinkie ring.

319. What is going on in here?

320. Oh, we're shopping in the comfort of our home

321. and we're saving money, too.

322. How do they do it? Volume!

323. Philip, Dr. Black said you should be resting.

324. I want everyone to leave.

325. - Bye, daddy. - Bye, baby.

326. Last one to the family room pays

327. for all the shipping and handling.

328. Philip, if you ever wanna stand up straight again

329. you need some rest.

330. Okay, I'll just lay here and do nothin'

331. flat on my back.

332. Philip, I'm so sorry if I was..

333. stupid enough to think that there was something

334. really wrong with you!

335. Vivian, it's a miracle.

336. I can walk!

337. And then if you divide the number of atoms

338. in a cubic centimeter of air

339. by the number of people in this room

340. you get a prime number.

341. That is totally nifty. Isn't it, Carlton?

342. So there we are, in a sailboat

343. in the middle of the lake, and I look down

344. 'and Nikka has on sandals instead of deck shoes.'

345. I mean, can you just imagine how I felt?

346. Yeah, like jammin' a fork in your hand

347. you know, just to make sure you're still alive.

348. Uh, no, but that's okay.

349. Look, I'm gonna go fix my hair. Come on.

350. Cornflake, come on. Come with me, man.

351. You push her in. I'll flush.

352. And I wonder what Dee Dee is doin', man.

353. - She's dancing. - What, how you know that?

354. Because she's right over there.

355. Hey, wait a minute, she's supposed to be at home

356. not returning my phone calls.

357. Oh. Oh, excuse me.

358. Oh, Dee Dee. What are you doing here?

359. And who's this?

360. I'm dancing. This is Robert.

361. Robert, this is Will. We used to hang out.

362. Hi, Will.

363. I'm gonna go get us some punch.

364. Thank you.

365. Where you find him at, rent-a-sucker?

366. Look, I'm on a date, Will.

367. You know, like, when a guy who likes a girl

368. asks her out and they go somewhere

369. and he still acts nice to her when they get there?

370. You know, I dogo on dates.

371. Look, Dee Dee, I just thought that—

372. You just thought that 'cause I'm not

373. a size 6, no one would ask me out.

374. Well, not everyone feels like that.

375. I mean, that's just your hang-up, isn't it?

376. Dee Dee, listen. I really like you a lot, alright?

377. You really like being with me

378. as long as no one thinks you're with me.

379. I mean, I'm sorry, but that's just not good enough for me.

380. So that's when we realized that we were the only ones in white

381. and we just all wanted to die.

382. You know what color I really like?

383. Huh?

384. Strawberry! Ah-ha!

385. I don't get it.

386. And now that Beemer runs like a top.

387. You know, I think that's really

388. ex-straw-dinary!

389. I don't get it.

390. Wait, wait. Hold it, Dee Dee.

391. Would you ever wear white after Labor Day?

392. If I can button it and it's clean

393. I'll pretty much wear anything.

394. My kind of honey.

395. 'You know, Dee Dee, I never thought I'd have you in bed'

396. 'on the first night.'

397. 'Will, I can honestly say'

398. 'this is the first time I've ever done this.'

399. (man on TV) 'This clever device is not..'

400. I can't believe we didn't get in on that Abdominizer.

401. Oh, that's because you couldn't decide

402. between the chocolate gavel and the picture

403. of the dogs playing poker.

404. Will you two be quiet?

405. I'm trying to hear the musical toilet seat.

406. It's 12:01. Thank God this day is over.

407. I look like I escaped from the '70s.

408. I spent the whole night with two guys

409. who consider picking their faces a hobby.

410. And I got a flat tire on the way home.

411. I just wanna sit down and pretend this never happened.

412. And if one more thing happens to me

413. I'm gonna kill myself.

414. Other than that, man, I mean, I like her.

415. 'Mm..'

416. Besides, I've already asked out Claudia!

417. - 'Too late.' - Damn!

418. I can't believe we got Lakers teats

419. center clort, floor.. Damn!

420. I would prefer an assassin's bullet

421. to this kind of living hell.

422. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

423. That wasn't funny.