The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Season 2, Episode 3

Lela Rochon as Cindy • Christopher Birt as Waiter • Morgan Nagler as Tina

Will tries to juggle school and a new job in order to earn money for the homecoming party, at the same time Ashley's classmate Tina becomes interested in Carlton. Will starts becoming paranoid when he constantly is getting confused with Carlton.

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1. 30 seconds on high, Spock. Energize.

2. Buzz.

3. Uh, captain, we're going into a warp drive.

4. We're running low on dilithium crystals.

5. Do something, bones.

6. Jim, I'm a doctor, damn it,

7. not a short-order cook.

8. Quit playing around.

9. I want to heat up my Sara Lee.

10. Can you use the regular oven?

11. Do I look like Wilma flintstone?

12. Mmm. That smells delicious.

13. Can I have some?

14. Beat it, man.

15. It's barely enough for me.

16. Ahh.

17. Just the way I like them—

18. toasty, warm.

19. Hand over my Victoria's secret catalogue.

20. This one's Geoffrey's.

21. He filled out the order form.

22. Geoffrey, you know a woman

23. with a 46-d cup?

24. No. But if there's a God in heaven,

25. I will by Christmas.

26. Yo. What's up, y'all?

27. You know if Uncle Phil is in a good mood?

28. I'm trying to hit him up for 50 bucks for the homecoming.

29. Will, 50 bucks is only going to cover the tickets.

30. There's the tux, the limousine,

31. the pre-party party, the post-party party,

32. and, in your case, bail.

33. Man, you right.

34. This could cost a fortune.

35. That's ok. Daddy's got a fortune.

36. I always find that when you ask for large sums,

37. it helps if you take his hand,

38. look deep into his eyes,

39. and tell him you have cramps.

40. That only worked for hilary.

41. When I tried it,

42. he sent me to a specialist.

43. Thanks a lot. I think I can handle this myself, guys.

44. Well, compliment his clothes.

45. Tell him that he's lost some weight.

46. But no more than 20 pounds.

47. And it helps to keep a straight face.

48. Why don't I just get on my hands and knees and beg?

49. Well, that's only worth 25.

50. Besides, it's hard on your knees.

51. Thanks. I really appreciate that,

52. but I think I can handle this myself, guys.

53. hi, daddy.

54. Hi, dad.

55. Hey, Uncle Phil.

56. Man, you've lost weight.

57. Thanks a lot, will.

58. And that suit you got on,

59. man, it's great how it's accentuates your massive...

60. Weight loss. Man.

61. Anything else?

62. Yeah. There is one other thing.

63. I got cramps.

64. How much? What's it cost?

65. And will I get sued?

66. Uh, actually, now that you mention it,

67. I could use, like, 200 bones for the homecoming.

68. Well, fine. Fine.

69. I'll write you a check.

70. You know, will, I never thought I'd say this,

71. but you've become like one of my own.

72. I could close my eyes,

73. and I'd swear I'm talking to Carlton.

74. Hi, will.

75. You all right?

76. Well—well—well,

77. Uncle Phil just said

78. that I was like one of y'all kids.

79. He said I was just like Carl...

80. He said I was just like c-c-ar...

81. Your son.

82. Oh, and you are, sweetheart.

83. And it's about time he realized it.

84. I bet you we're gonna win first place.

85. Yeah. This volcano is gonna be the coolest thing

86. at the science fair.

87. Where shall we put the tiny missionaries

88. with the shocked expressions on their faces?

89. Anywhere.

90. When the lava flows,

91. it's every missionary for himself.

92. Whoa.

93. Whoa. Look at that guy in the swimsuit.

94. Is he buffed or what?

95. Where? I don't see a buffed guy?

96. I only see Carlton.

97. Oh, God, he's coming over here.

98. I can't look. Hand me a missionary.

99. Hey, Ashley, how's the science project coming?

100. Oh, it's going great.

101. Carlton, this is Tina.

102. Tina, this is my brother Carlton.

103. Hi, Tina.

104. Hi.

105. I love your towel.

106. Thanks. Well, I've got to go prepare for debate practice.

107. You're on the debate team?

108. That is so cool.

109. I must say, it is refreshing

110. to see the younger generation

111. taking an interest in the art of persuasion.

112. It's my favorite extracurricular activity,

113. next to, uh, table tennis.

114. You're athletic, too?

115. I should've known by your bulging forearms.

116. They, uh...

117. Do draw stares.

118. Man, I thought a dip in the pool was gonna cool me off.

119. I'm blazing about what Uncle Phil said to me.

120. Oh, I'm sure when he called you a sophomoric cretin,

121. it was just a figure of speech.

122. No. No, that didn't bother me.

123. It's when he said I was just like Carlton.

124. Yes. I can understand your concern.

125. Sandwich?

126. Yeah. Sure.

127. I mean, look, I know where I come from, man.

128. I'm coming straight out of Philly.

129. And I'm proud of that.

130. Could you put that on a croissant for me?

131. Certainly.

132. You know, master William,

133. we all change.

134. Look. Look. I haven't changed. I'm not gonna change.

135. I'm not down with this bougie stuff.

136. Swiss?

137. Nah. Gorgonzola.

138. Hey, man, I'm telling you,

139. if there is one dude in the world

140. that's the total opposite of Carlton,

141. it's this guy standing right here, man.

142. Thanks a lot, g.

143. Hey, how you going to play a brother

144. on the grey poupon?

145. Geoffrey, I'm famished.

146. Can you make me a gorgonzola sandwich on a croissant?

147. Heavy on the grey poupon.

148. Thanks.

149. Oh, my God.

150. Uncle Phil is right, g.

151. I'm turning into Carlton.

152. All right. That's it. That's it.

153. No more of these sissy sandwiches.

154. No more—no more valet parking.

155. And no more of these preppy parties, man.

156. Oh. And that homecoming? No. You can kill that noise.

157. I'll call Cindy right now

158. and I'm gonna tell her the whole thing is off.

159. Oh, and his check— this check Uncle Phil gave me,

160. now you see it, now you don't.

161. Yo, the funky fresh is back in the flesh

162. with a vengeance, homes.

163. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

164. I'm going to eat that, though...

165. But I ain't going to enjoy it.

166. Come on, kids!

167. Tipoff's in 30 minutes!

168. Carlton, you seen my keys?

169. Excuse me. Excuse me.

170. What did you call me?

171. I called you will.

172. No, you didn't. You called me Carlton.

173. I'm not Carlton, ok?

174. I don't look like Carlton,

175. I don't act like Carlton,

176. and most importantly,

177. I don't look like Carlton.

178. Can we discuss this in the car?

179. I don't wanna be late.

180. Yeah. You remember what happened last time.

181. They ran out of pasta salad in the v.I.P. Section.

182. Oh, and they didn't, like, stop the game?

183. Aunt viv, I'm sorry.

184. I'm just not down with this b-ball thing.

185. Least, not the way y'all do it.

186. Then I take it, you won't be going to the game?

187. I didn't exactly say that.

188. What I was saying is that I'm just not down with it

189. the way you guys do it, you know?

190. I mean, if I do it, I want to sit in the $2.00 seats

191. where my feet be sticking to the floor

192. and a big, fat, crusty, bloated dude

193. is sitting behind me belching in my ear.

194. I mean, any other way is unnatural.

195. Miss Cindy Norris.

196. Hey, will.

197. Hey, what's up, baby?

198. I'm so excited about going to the game.

199. Do you think they're gonna have that great pasta salad?

200. Look, baby, um, the plans have kinda been changed a little bit.

201. Yeah. I hope you brought rubber shoes.

202. Let's go, dad. We're gonna be late.

203. Yeah. Last time they ran out of pasta salad.

204. Will, are you gonna go with us or not?

205. I'm sorry. Look, that's just not my style, Uncle Phil.

206. I'm not riding in no benz.

207. We'll just take Cindy's miata.

208. Come here, baby. I need to talk to you.

209. You know, about this homecoming thing, um...

210. I know I said we were gonna go with Carlton and his date,

211. but things have changed.

212. Oh, will, you are so wonderful.

213. Man, you take bad news better

214. than anybody I ever met.

215. Bad? I think it's really romantic

216. that you want to have me all to yourself.

217. Wait. Hold it. Hold it.

218. You see, Cindy, that ain't exactly it.

219. I'm so excited about homecoming.

220. Do you know I worked 80 extra hours

221. just so I could pay for my dress?

222. Oh, but it is so cute. You're gonna love it.

223. It's cut very low in the front.

224. I wonder if it shows too much cleavage.

225. About how many corsages you going to be needing?

226. Tina, we need to talk.

227. Oh, Carlton.

228. Those khaki pants make you look so field and stream.

229. Take me camping.

230. I'm at my wit's end.

231. you call me every hour on the hour when I'm home,

232. but I don't appreciate being paged at school.

233. I'm so sorry.

234. I try to sound official.

235. Well, I don't think anyone

236. believed you were Colin Powell.

237. It's obvious there could never be anything between us.

238. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?

239. Yes, Carlton.

240. I do.

241. Good.

242. I'm going to go study now.

243. Studying. That is so cool.

244. Are you going to highlight or underline?

245. It's none of your beeswax!

246. Hey. You know, Ashley, that's beautiful.

247. I think those two are a match

248. made in midget heaven.

249. Will, are you coming to the science fair

250. to see me do my volcano presentation?

251. Uh, look, I'm sorry.

252. I'd like to, but I can't.

253. Why not?

254. I got a job.

255. Yeah, right.

256. And I can't go either.

257. A dog ate my volcano.

258. No, I'm serious. I'm waiting tables at treasure island

259. I wanna pay for the homecoming.

260. You couldn't lie to daddy about his weight either, huh?

261. Look, ash, it's just not my style.

262. I'm a man. I want to pay my own way.

263. I'm going to save up the money

264. and I'm gonna show Uncle Phil what I'm made of.

265. Oh, that's great, will.

266. He's gonna be really proud of you.

267. Yeah, I know.

268. But, look, until I get the money,

269. we gotta keep this a secret, all right?

270. I won't tell.

271. No, Tina.

272. I don't care if you get in for half price.

273. I'm not taking you to see jungle fever!

274. "Most promising future scientist."

275. This is incredible, Ashley.

276. You really think so?

277. Absolutely. It means I'll never have to see Tina again.

278. Miss Tina.

279. Hi, Carlton.

280. I know you told me to buzz off,

281. but I had to see you one more time.

282. Tina, you've got to get over me.

283. It's time you get on with your life.

284. I'm no good for you.

285. Now, I want you to walk out that door,

286. hop on your bike, and pedal like hell.

287. Ok, Carlton.

288. If that's what you want. Bye.

289. Oh, Tina,

290. we were just about to take Ashley out to dinner

291. to celebrate your award.

292. Would you like to join us?

293. If I can sit by Carlton.

294. I'd better go call my mom.

295. Well, I might as well face it.

296. I'm irresistible to women.

297. Now I know what tom Jones feels like.

298. Vivian, take a look at this.

299. Will's basketball coach says he hasn't been to practice all week.

300. His English teacher called

301. and said he's been falling asleep in class.

302. And he missed curfew twice this week.

303. Uh, by my count, it was four times,

304. but I'll go check my videotape.

305. Will, we have to talk.

306. Yeah. Sure, Uncle Phil. What's the problem?

307. You missed basketball practice,

308. you've been falling asleep in class,

309. and you missed curfew twice this week.

310. I want an explanation.

311. And you deserve an explanation.

312. And I have an incredible one

313. that I'd like to give you next week.

314. But then again, I'd like to see next week.

315. So maybe I should give it to you now.

316. I got a job.

317. But why are we just now hearing about it?

318. I wanted to surprise you.

319. Look, I wasn't born yesterday.

320. I expect you to honor your commitments

321. and I expect you to be honest.

322. Now, until you can tell me the truth, you're grounded.

323. No TV, no phone calls, and no visitors.

324. But unc—

325. why don't you just do me like kunta kinte

326. and chop off my foot?

327. Now, I know you're angry,

328. but I think you may have overreacted.

329. You don't expect me to condone his behavior.

330. I know that falling asleep is not a good thing,

331. but your own secretary

332. has said she's had to nudge you awake

333. after you've had Mexican food.

334. Only after the El presidente platter.

335. And he should go to practice,

336. but it is an extracurricular activity.

337. It's a lot like you going to the gym.

338. And as I recall, the last time you were there,

339. I think the jeffersons

340. were still trying to move on up.

341. That's different.

342. I'm starting back Monday.

343. And I do not approve of his breaking curfew—

344. Vivian, you've made your point.

345. I'll let him give an explanation.

346. Ashley, sweetie, would you go upstairs

347. and tell will his Uncle and I want to speak with him, please?

348. Will's not here. I just saw him leave on his bike.

349. You see that, Vivian? Outright defiance.

350. That boy just does whatever he wants to, and I'm sick of it.

351. This just doesn't seem like will.

352. Can we just drop the subject and go have dinner?

353. Look, Philip, I know that I don't have all the facts,

354. but if will says he has a job, I believe him.

355. Vivian, you are so naive.

356. You'd believe that boy if he were to tell you

357. he was a big rap star whose album just went platinum.

358. Ashley, sweetheart, what an interesting choice of restaurants.

359. It's so, um...

360. Piratesque.

361. Welcome to the briny deep,

362. where none of our prices are ever too steep.

363. We've got fresh fish. You can look at our tank.

364. To get to the bathroom, make a left at the plank.

365. Follow me.

366. Get a load of his costume.

367. You couldn't pay me to wear an outfit like that.

368. Think you'll be needing a booster seat,

369. little boy?

370. Vivian, let's not let will ruin our dinner.

371. He hasn't ruined anything for me.

372. I think he's a great kid.

373. Complimentary champagne

374. for the lovely young lady.

375. I'll have a glass of that.

376. Sorry, man, we ain't got no more.

377. Um...

378. Would you like to order

379. before I bring you back the menus?

380. I'll have iced tea, please.

381. Perrier with a twist of lemon.

382. I don't know. I just can't seem to decide.

383. Well, sir, we've got all three flavors of slim fast.

384. I'll have a cola, wise guy.

385. That waiter has been exceedingly discourteous.

386. I can't put my finger on it,

387. but the way he treats me reminds me of someone.

388. Well, I think the waiter's really nice.

389. And I bet he's really honest, too.

390. I like his eye patch.

391. Makes him look kind of dangerous.

392. You know, table tennis isn't exactly safe.

393. Thank you for my iced tea.

394. You are really fast, you're reliable, and trustworthy.

395. I really like your beard.

396. Tina, I doubt if it's real.

397. And there's a French fry in it.

398. Waiter!

399. This soda's flat.

400. Ah, you don't say, sir?

401. Try that.

402. Well, that does it.

403. You are the rudest, most incompetent waiter I've ever met.

404. I'm not a waiter.

405. According to my Uncle, I don't even have a job.

406. Vivian, I... Think I've made a mistake.

407. Oh, my,

408. Carlton, you were my third love,

409. and I'll never forget you,

410. but I like will now.

411. He's dressed like an idiot,

412. and he's still so cool.

413. He's not the only guy

414. who could dress like an idiot.

415. Can I talk to you for a minute?

416. Look, I'm human. Sometimes I make mistakes.

417. I admit I had some preconceived ideas about you,

418. mainly that you just didn't care about anything,

419. but I guess I'm gonna have to let that go

420. because today you've shown me

421. that you are a very, very fine young man.

422. And I just want us to be closer together.

423. What did you say, pervert?

424. Oh, I'm sorry. I, uh...

425. Look, man, this is treasure island, ok?

426. Now, pleasure island,

427. that's a block down the street.

428. I thought—

429. I know what you thought.

430. the parrot is sitting on my left shoulder.

431. I feel like a fool.

432. Yeah, wait till they make you Bob for your lobster.

433. By any chance, did you hear anything of what I just said?

434. Nah, I didn't.

435. Look, it's hard for me to apologize.

436. It's hard for me to dress up in this stupid costume,

437. but I do it.

438. I don't get it, will. Why the job?

439. I just wanted to pay for the homecoming myself.

440. But I gave you a check.

441. I tore it up.

442. Why?

443. 'Cause you were right, Uncle Phil.

444. I'm getting soft.

445. Look, I'm a man.

446. And a man should be able to stand on his own 2 feet.

447. Make his own way like you did.

448. I mean, a man does it for hisself.

449. It's a hard road to travel, but after you travel it,

450. and you look back on what you accomplished,

451. you could say, "I did that. I'm a man"

452. that's the biggest load of bull I've heard

453. since I left the farm.

454. Nobody does anything without help, will.

455. People opened doors for me.

456. And I've worked hard to open doors for you.

457. It doesn't make you any less of a man

458. to walk through them.

459. Never really looked at it like that.

460. But, you know, Uncle Phil, I...

461. Guess it ain't so bad, you know,

462. being like one of your kids.

463. Uh, thank you.

464. Uh...

465. Of course, if I had my choice, I'd pick Ashley, but...

466. Well...