The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 2x24

Directed by Shelley Jensen

Marge Kotlisky as Mrs. DeWynter • Mother Love as Agnes • Marius Mazmanian as Jacques • Paige Pengra as Tiffany • Viva Vinson as Blayne

Will and Carlton lose their shirts investing on a tip - then take jobs as strippers to recoup their losses and get Vivian's bracelet out of hock.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Will, give me all your money.

2. Oh, I'm sorry, Carlton. I don't feel like playing 7-eleven.

3. This isn't a game, Will.

4. I know you have 50 bucks, and I need it.

5. Oh, forget it, man, with 50 bucks

6. I can take 25 women out to dinner.

7. Listen carefully, Will.

8. And I know you can hear me with ears that big.

9. Bif's dad is a bankruptcy lawyer.

10. And according to him, Westworld Airlines

11. is about to fall prey to a corporate raider.

12. Word? Man, I don't believe that. A corporate raider?

13. What the bloody hell are you talkin' about?

14. It's called inside information.

15. And it's quite illegal.

16. So is that French nanny you're dating.

17. Enough said.

18. The point is, I've only got 50 bucks.

19. I need a 100 to buy the stock.

20. Alright, just let me think about it for a little while, alright?

21. No.

22. Will, take my hand, come out of the ghetto..

23. and take a stroll down Wall Street.

24. You see, we buy stock in Westworld Airlines today

25. for two dollars a share.

26. And by Friday, it's worth eight dollars.

27. Now when you take a girl out to dinner

28. they can get something to eat, too.

29. Oh! So then they'll owe me something.

30. I'm with you!

31. Uh, here's my 20.

32. I thought you said it was illegal?

33. It is!

34. God, how I love life on the edge!

35. - Hi, guys. - 'Hey, Aunt Viv.'

36. Carlton honey, would you drop my bracelet off at the jewelers?

37. - The clasp broke. - Sure.

38. Whoa! Those almost look like real diamonds.

39. They are, so be careful.

40. Oh, hello, there, uh..

41. "Agnes."

42. My, that's a lovely tattoo.

43. You know, the knife dripping blood really sets off your eyes.

44. I did it myself. So, what you got?

45. Uh, we have this lovely, expensive bracelet.

46. Two hundred dollars.

47. For an ordinary bracelet.

48. But not okay for one that formerly belonged

49. to Catherine the Great.

50. The one-armed chick that works the corner

51. of Hollywood and Vine?

52. She a class act. Okay, 300.

53. Uh, did we mention that it ain't stolen?

54. Okay, 400, but that's only

55. 'cause I think your short friend here is kind of cute.

56. Hey, small stuff, you want to come back here

57. and check out the rest of my merchandise?

58. This is a delicious meal, Geoffrey.

59. - You've outdone yourself. - You're too kind, sir.

60. Moron! Fathead!

61. Geoffrey, must you listen to the Dodgers game during dinner?

62. I'm terribly sorry, madam

63. but it is the bottom of the ninth

64. the bases are loaded.

65. However, I will maintain my professionalism.

66. Bunt, you pasty-faced sod!

67. Peas?

68. Mom, have I told you

69. that every year you grow even more youthful?

70. You're going to be well into your 40s

71. before you need plastic surgery.

72. No. You cannot have the Diamond League over for lunch.

73. Daddy, you promised you would reason with her.

74. Honey, I don't know why you want to join

75. that organization anyway?

76. Baby, it was different when I joined.

77. Today, all those women care about are cars, men and money.

78. Well, what's wrong with that, sweetheart?

79. Men with money can drive her away in their cars.

80. Come on. It's just a little lunch.

81. You never got me a pony.

82. Geoffrey, start buffing the silver.

83. What the hell's your problem?

84. You got bricks in your butt, you clown?

85. Right away, madam.

86. (man on TV) 'Today's big story is the rumor of Westworld Air's'

87. 'imminent takeover, which has caused its shares to skyrocket.'

88. - Your milk, Master Carlton. - Oh, thank you, Geoffrey.

89. - How's our stock doing? - Up 300 percent.

90. Yay!

91. And might I add, hah!

92. Hey, man, you know what I'm gonna do

93. with my share of the money?

94. I'mma go out and get my very own team.

95. It's between the Raiderettes

96. and the Laker Girls.

97. You can't buy love, Will.

98. Man, what you talkin' about? I don't want love.

99. I just want them to follow me around and say..

100. (man on TV) 'Here's a Wall Street update.'

101. 'The SEC Has suspended trading on Westworld Air'

102. 'pending an announcement.'

103. Come on, Carlton. Translate.

104. How can I put this in terms he'll understand?

105. More money. More money. More money.

106. Man, I'm going to get me the best girlfriend

107. money can buy.

108. Oh, come on, man. You got to think investment.

109. See, I'mma go out and I'mma get me a Burger King, right?

110. And then I'mma hire some topless counter girls

111. and then I'mma really have it my way.

112. (man on TV) 'News just in, Westworld Airlines'

113. 'has just filed for a Chapter 11.'

114. Whoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo!

115. Yeah!

116. Whoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

117. Aah!

118. Carlton?

119. Yes, Will?

120. That ain't a good thing, is it?

121. No, Will.

122. We're in trouble, ain't we?

123. Yes, Will.

124. We just lost everything.

125. Oh, my God!

126. How're we gonna get mom's bracelet back?

127. Shh! Come on, man.

128. - Uh, don't panic. - Too late.

129. Dad knows. No Harvard. Dead end.

130. Paper or plastic?

131. Co-co-come on. Just relax. Look.

132. We'll just go get well-payin' jobs.

133. Uh, uh, very well-payin' jobs.

134. Twenty-four, twenty-five.

135. Gosh, who'd have thought they'd pay you so little

136. for selling your blood?

137. How do you feel, Will?

138. I'm fine.

139. Oh, buck up.

140. We only have to give blood 50 more times

141. to get mom's bracelet back.

142. There's got to be an easier way, man.

143. If I could just get them "Classifieds."

144. - Hmm. - Let me..

145. You're not going to hit me with this, are you?

146. I'd like to, but I see three of you

147. and I don't know which one to hit.

148. Face it, Will. You're not gonna find a job in there.

149. I mean, what are you qualified to do

150. besides flirt with women

151. and dance to loud primitive music?

152. "Male strippers wanted."

153. Bingo!

154. Will, tell me you're joking.

155. Even you with your depraved working-class morality

156. wouldn't stoop so low.

157. "Earn up to $500 a night."

158. Shake that groove thing.

159. So did you get the stripper job or not?

160. Does David Duke shop white sales?

161. They-they said I was a natural, man.

162. They're going to call me with my first gig.

163. Oh, hold up, Will.

164. Granted, we're desperate for money

165. but maybe you should stop and think

166. of what kind of life you'll be leading.

167. Yeah. You're right, C.

168. Dancin' around in some cheap club

169. while women put dollars down my underpants.

170. I love this country.

171. Ah, my financial advisors have arrived.

172. Moron! Fathead!

173. I didn't know the Dodgers were playing.

174. They're not, thieving wankers.

175. So I think I should ask for my money back.

176. I mean, I've been in this weight-loss program

177. six whole months, and look at me, I'm Shamu.

178. Oh!

179. Philip, I thought you had an important business lunch?

180. Nothing is more important than our little bachelorette.

181. Mrs. DeWynter, so nice to see you again.

182. Thank you.

183. So, what do you think of our little Hilary?

184. She's going to make some man a wonderful wife one day.

185. Soon, I hope.

186. Well, I think I speak for all of us leaguers when I say..

187. - Isn't she lovely? - Oh, yes.

188. Vivian, I do hope you'll bring Hilary

189. to our new members dinner.

190. Well, I think I can speak for Vivian

191. when I say, "She'll be there."

192. - Philip— - In her brand new BMW.

193. See you there.

194. Ashley sweetie, we are going to the Diamond League dinner

195. at the Gingham Turtle Restaurant.

196. Now here's the address and phone number

197. in case there's an emergency, okay?

198. Mom, I'm 13-years-old.

199. I can take care of myself.

200. That's what Drew Barrymore said.

201. Banks residence.

202. No. Master Williams is not home, thank God.

203. May I take a message?

204. Yes.

205. Yes.

206. Yes. Yes.

207. I'll see that he gets it.

208. Bye.

209. - Ah, Master Will. - 'Hey, G.'

210. The Boogie Buns Agency called.

211. It appears you have a job this evening.

212. Bam! My first gig! Where is it?

213. Uh, the address is on the counter.

214. - Alright. - Oh, and, uh..

215. They also requested that you bring a spare G-string.

216. There's an explanation for that, G.

217. Oh. Yo, Carlton, I got a gig, man!

218. We're home free. We'll get aunt Viv's bracelet out of hock.

219. She'll never know the difference.

220. - You mean, we're saved? - You got it.

221. Hey, I picked my costume up today.

222. See, I figure I'll start out in this..

223. and I figure, I'll end up in this.

224. I gotta go iron this stuff, alright. Get the address for me.

225. It's right over there on the counter.

226. "Gingham Turtle Restaurant."

227. Sounds pretty sleazy.

228. Yo, this ain't exactly what I expected.

229. Whoa!

230. Check out the low-life.

231. Yes?

232. Yeah, man. I'm here for the gig.

233. You? You are here to perform for the ladies?

234. - That's right. - Of course, you are.

235. I'm serious, man. Where are the other guys at?

236. - I gotta get changed. - Other guys?

237. Yeah. When I auditioned, they said I'd be second on the bill

238. between King Thong and Ram-Bro.

239. I'm sorry, monsieur.

240. There is no one on the bill, but you.

241. Ladies, I'm told the entertainment has arrived.

242. 'It's my pleasure to introduce'

243. the international star, Sir Graham Higgins

244. doing a medley of operatic favorites.

245. Mom, which opera is this?

246. Will! Shake something, dammit!

247. Will, get back out here.

248. - 'Yeah!' - Take it off!

249. Take it all off!

250. Aah!

251. - 'Take it off!' - Put it on!

252. Carlton Banks, you put your clothes on this minute!

253. Mommy!

254. No dates, no charge cards, no television

255. no movies, no phone calls, no food!

256. - Sir, permission to beg, sir. - What?

257. I'm deeply, deeply sorry

258. about the unfortunate stripping incident.

259. I just want to say it's all his fault.

260. What?

261. Um, look..

262. Come on, Uncle Phil, I mean, I'm sure you did something like this

263. when you were a kid.

264. Maybe not.

265. I think you two owe Hilary an apology.

266. Your behavior tonight cost her an invitation

267. to join the Diamond League and meet some nice young men

268. and you know how much that meant to me.

269. I mean her.

270. It's okay, daddy.

271. The more time I spent with those women

272. the more I realized they're not my kind of people.

273. I don't want to have anything to do with them.

274. Oh, honey, I am so proud of you.

275. Mrs. DeWynter.

276. Hilary darling, why did you run off like that?

277. I wanted to invite you to join the Diamond League.

278. Oh, I'd love to!

279. Switching entertainment like that.

280. What an outrageous idea!

281. Say, my mother's turning 90.

282. Are they available for birthday parties?

283. - I guess I'll just— - Sit.

284. I'm not through with you two yet.

285. I want to know what excuse you have

286. for pulling such a stupid stunt!

287. - We needed the money. - For what?

288. And I want the truth.

289. Alright. It's like this, Uncle Phil.

290. See, Carlton got this inside tip on a stock.

291. Federal offense. Go on.

292. Well, then we pawned Aunt Viv's bracelet

293. to get the money for the stock.

294. Grand larceny. Impressive.

295. And then we lost the money

296. so we had to strip to get the bracelet back.

297. That would be indecent exposure.

298. Is there more?

299. I'm afraid so, dad.

300. We never got the clasp fixed on mom's bracelet.

301. You never got the..

302. - And you did all.. - 'Yeah.'

303. I don't know what to say.

304. What can I do?

305. What do you boys think I should do?

306. Uh, I don't know. Reward us for our honesty?

307. Hey, hey. It worked for the Beav.

308. Do I look like a white guy named Ward?

309. Now, you get that bracelet back.

310. And for the next six weeks

311. I don't wanna hear you breathe

312. or I'm callin' the Feds myself!

313. I-I guess this probably ain't the best time

314. to tell him we ran over the mailbox.

315. Come on, man. What is wrong with you?

316. It's Agnes.

317. I can feel her undressing me with her eyes.

318. I don't think so, man. She's not laughin'.

319. Come on. Go ahead.

320. Excuse me, Agnes.

321. - But isn't that our bracelet? - Was your bracelet.

322. I'm only obligated to hold it for five days.

323. Today, is the sixth.

324. But we have the $500.

325. Oh, well, I'll give you $550.

326. Oh, whoa, whoa, hold it. Hold it now. Hold it..

327. Look, Agnes, can I speak to you for a second, please?

328. Can I speak to Agnes?

329. Now, look, Agnes, slimmie.

330. Now, what's up? How you gonna play me?

331. I thought we had an understanding, you know?

332. I mean, we speak the same language and all.

333. What's goin' on?

334. Babe, we had nothin' going on but the rent.

335. Oh. It's like that, right?

336. Just like that. 550 is what the lady's offering.

337. I hope it doesn't interfere

338. with our relationship, sweet and low.

339. Um..

340. Please, please, we'll do anything.

341. What'll it take to change your mind?

342. What you got?

343. Oh, no.

344. Work it, honey.

345. Hey, hey. It worked for the Beav.

346. Do I look like a white guy named Ward?

347. Now I want you two to go down there

348. and get that bracelet back,

349. and for the next six weeks

350. I don't wanna hear you breathe

351. or I'm diming you out to the Feds myself.

352. Congratulations. You just made the blooper reel.